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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 181 - May 14
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 181 - May 14, 1997
Note: Good Grief! I know how to spell "pedophile." In CR 179 I posted a
joke in which I spelled it "pedofile" in all caps. I received it that way in
a joke I found on a newsgroup. I cleaned up all the other mistakes and
decided to leave that error uncorrected to give the appearance of ignorance
to the person uttering the word in the joke. These poor retches have enough
problems without having their dysfunction mispelled.
Second note: I am aware that "retch" and 'mispelled" are misspelled in the
previous sentence. Humor! Ha, ha!
URGENT NOTE: We are in danger of losing some of our best authors. I am
aware of at least two people who say they are ready to throw in the towel
simply because they get so little feedback from readers. If you rarely or
never respond to authors, then THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
What in the world do you think keeps an author going? You can call it ego or
whatever you want to call it. I call it the Blow Job Principle. Simply
stated, if a person expects to get a second blow job, the recipient should
make the giver glad to have performed the first. Applied to these stories,
if you like a story, take the trouble to say so.
Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to improve.
If they give up and go away, that's fine with me. But there are good
writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others who will do so,
because there's nothing in it for them.
I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors. But if you enjoy a story
that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the author some
feedback? I don't think most authors want idle flattery; but they write
stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction - for example, they
may want to make people happy. They'll never know they have succeeded unless
somebody tells them so.
Fourth Note: Remember the Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest. The rules
are that the story must in some way be about sex and must be restricted to
500 words or less. In addition, the story should include some sort of
unusual twist - like the unexpected self-revelation Robert Browning's poem
"My Last Duchess" or the surprise endings in several of Vickie Tern's
"Teasers" or Deirdre's stories. If you wish, you can submit several
super-short stories together (as Vickie Tern has now done on two occasions),
or you can post them separately under separate titles. However, I'll give
first prize to the best STORY, not to the best collection. The deadline for
submissions will be June 3, which my calendar tells me is the date on which
the Catholic Church will celebrate the feast of St. Charles Lwanga and his
companions.
Final Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"The Off Season" by Cobalt Jade (risky sex) 10, 8, 8
"One Favor" by S. Leigh Farmer (sci fi transgender) no rating
"Flashes of Light" by Jvstin (sci fi romance) 10, 8, 8
"The Babysitter" by William F. Campbell (blackmail)
8, 8, 8
"Rejected by Penthouse Forum" by OddManOut (humor)
10, 10, 10
"Sherri's Story" by Bea Fischl (ff sex) 10, 7, 8
"The Flat" by ImaByter (orgy) 10, 8, 8
"Shorts Stories" by Mike Hunt (seduction) 10, 10, 10
"For Effort" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10
"Happy Mother's Day" by MrSpraycan (greetings!)
10, 9, 9
* "First" by Mark Aster (first time) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"The Off Season" by Cobalt Jade (cobaltjade@aol.com). The guy and woman
sneak into a closed amusement park, turn on the carousel, and re-enact a
fantasy from their earlier life together. I like the idea of amusement park
sex and enjoyed this story, but it was not as hot as I expected it to be.
Ratings for "The Off Season"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"One Favor" by S. Leigh Farmer (rsledd@ultranet.com). The author originally
intended to write a screenplay with a transgender sci-fi sub-theme: a
screenplay that would get a PG-13 (or mild-R) rating. In frustration after
several rejections, the author decided to write the present ultra-explicit
NC-17-rated novelization focusing on the transgender aspects of the script to
see if it would read any more interestingly than the screenplay.
My problem is that the story is extremely long (about 200 pages), and I
cannot justify allocating that much time to a single story. I don't want to
keep it hidden on my "shelf" any longer. This story appears to be
well-written, and if you are a transgender or science fiction enthusiast, you
may want to read this story and give the author some valuable feedback.
(No rating)
"Flashes of Light" by Jvstin (jvstin@admin.con2.com). Paul O'Brien has
transferred to the Starship Enterprise. He meets and becomes attracted to
Lt. Lisa Carroll, a coworker who shares his interest in 20th Century Planet
Earth. They share some fantasies on the holodeck and then have blissful sex
together. This is a creative Star Trek adventure. The problem that some
readers will find with it is that it contains a lot more Star Trek than sex.
The story makes sense to non-trekkies, but I presume Star Trek aficionados
will enjoy this story more than the average soap opera viewer.
Ratings for "Flashes of Light"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"The Babysitter" by William F. Campbell (valentin@wam.umd.edu). This was
listed on a.s.s.m. as "Adventures in Babysitting." Billy needs some money to
go to Boy Scout Camp, and so he agrees to baby-sit for his neighbor Julie.
They play Careers for a while, and then - Ooops! I forgot to tell you what
Careers is. It's a board game. A board game is what kids used to spend
their time playing back in the 50's and 60's, when they didn't have
electronic games or cable TV and before kids knew a lot about masturbation.
The object of the game in Careers was to roll dice and seek career
opportunities that would gain the right mixture of money, fame, and love (I
think). The details are not essential. I just didn't want you to expect
Colonel Mustard to show up in the bedroom with a condom.
Anyway, Julie is about eleven, I guess, and Billy is maybe five years older;
and so naturally he notices her panties while they're playing Careers, and so
when she goes up to take a bath he watches through the keyhole and gets all
turned on and has to go into the master bedroom to masturbate <g>, but Julie
gets out of the tub and takes a picture with a flash camera of Billy jerking
off and hides the picture and says she'll show it to people unless Billy does
what she says. Since what she says is what Billy was thinking about anyway
while he was masturbating in the master bedroom after watching her take a
bath, he plays some sex games with Julie and then goes home. But she says he
had better come back the next day, because she still has the pictures. This
is why Boy Scouts don't make really good baby-sitters - from the parents'
point of view, that is.
Ratings for "Flashes of Light"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Rejected by Penthouse Forum" by OddManOut (oddman0ut@hotmail.com). This
story purports to be a letter that was rejected by the Penthouse Forum - that
small magazine that businessmen purchase at airports and hold inside the
newspapers that cover their hard-ons while they jerk off next to nuns and
housewives on flights that have taken them away from their lovers. This
story is obviously fraudulent, because a distinguished journal like Penthouse
would never reject a fine piece of writing like this.
The gist of the letter is that the writer is a stud who works on a Hollywood
set and has a private orgy with three sexy stars. The most delightful part
of the letter is that every time the author describes a pertinent part of the
sexual anatomy, he uses a different word. For example, he never says penis
twice - it becomes a trouser snake, cock, pipeline, etc., and each of the
different usages is cleverly inserted. It's more a satire on erotic writing
than an actual story, but I really enjoyed this little masterpiece.
Ratings for "Rejected by Penthouse Forum"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Sherri's Story" by Bea Fischl. This and other stories can apparently be
found at a site called the Nifty Archive, which is associated with the
address BF4play. The story clearly describes the first sexual intimacies
between two women. What's lacking is an interesting story or personality
development that makes readers want to become drawn into the plot.
Ratings for "Sherri's Story"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"The Flat" by ImaByter (ImaByter@aol.com). Sometimes its fun to predict the
plot of a story from its title. If this were written by a European, this
would be about an apartment. But it's by an American author, and so it could
be about. a level surface or stretch of level ground, a shallow frame or box
for seeds or seedlings, stage scenery on a movable wooden frame, a type of
railroad car, a deflated tire, a shoe with a flat heel, a large flat piece of
mail, a horse that competes in a flat race (also called a runner), a sign
affixed to a note in musical notation to indicate that it is to be lowered by
a half step (or a note that is lowered a half step), or the area of the field
to either side of an offensive formation in football. This author is not as
devious as Deirdre, and so when there was a blowout on the driver's car, I
narrowed the field quickly. Actually, her spare tire was flat too, and so
she was much relieved when two muscular young men stopped and offered to
help.
Well, to make a long story short, the two guys take her back to the service
station, they fix her tires, and she services the guys who serviced her
tires. This is known as the barter system. I doubt that the service station
attendant even reported it on his taxes, but I'm pretty sure the law requires
him to attach a value and report it, although that could be an interesting
story in itself. The guys treat her pretty much like a slut, but she
concludes that's a fair assessment of her evening's performance. A good time
was had by all.
Ratings for "The Flat"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Shorts Stories" - by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). These are short stories
at least partially about shorts. In the first story the guy goes into the
exercise room at a motel and sees a sexy woman in shorts. His goal is to get
into her shorts. He offers to give her a massage, and she agrees as long as
there is no funny business. I guess it all depends on how you define "funny"
and "business." A major difference between this and the previous story is
that the pick-up process is a lot more creative.
In the second story the guy lies down on the beach in a position that lines
him up perfectly with two sunbathing girls. If their genders were reversed,
they would have a beaver shot; but I don't remember exactly what you call it
when you can look up and see a guy's erection up the loose leg of his shorts
while he sunbathes. Anyway, he takes a nap and then incorporates this into
his pick-up line.
Ratings for "Shorts Stories"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"For Effort" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.cs.du.edu). The normal thing
to do with mothers and mothers-in-law in stories on this newsgroup is to
ignore them or to have sex with them. Jeanette has the Mother from Hell. In
this story she calls her mother to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. The
conversation is very well written, full of ordinary words and sentences that
normal people exchange every day. Within just a few seconds I didn't like
Jeanette's mother at all.
When we celebrate Mother's Day we often fail to think about how painful that
holiday can be to a woman whose own mother is a bitch and who wants to become
a mother herself but has been unsuccessful. Bob recognizes Jeanette's
difficulty and is very supportive.
I suppose this story could be understood and enjoyed in stand-alone
isolation, but then you would miss the fun of fitting this story in with the
entire saga of Bob and Jeanette Brennan. These are two normal people who are
struggling to make ends meet while they are growing into a loving couple in
the early years of their marriage. If you haven't read all the stories,
check Dejanews (www.dejanews.com) under "alt.sex.stories Pendragon" to find
what you have missed.
The actual proportion of text devoted to hot sex in this episode is
relatively small, but I found this to be a very sexy chapter in the lives of
this couple.
Ratings for "For Effort"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Happy Mother's Day" by MrSpraycan (mrspraycan.an@edtec.com). This story was
posted on Monday, May 12, 1997, the day after Mother's Day. At first I
thought it was either a day late for this year or 364 days early for next
year. Then I realized that this must simply be a verbatim, factual report of
what MrSpraycan had been doing the day before.
The woman opens the door and finds a deliveryman with flowers. She's touched
by sadness at the absence of her family, and so the deliveryman (probably
really MrS) takes time out of his busy schedule to make her feel better.
Then there's a surprise ending, but I can't tell you any more.
Ratings for ""Happy Mother's Day"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "First" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). This story reports the first
sexual experience of Our Hero - at least I assume this is the same guy who
subsequently does such fine work with Pat, Julie, and their assorted friends
and relatives. The First Time came under rather sordid circumstances with a
much older woman when he was 17 years old and they were working together on a
political campaign. The second time came about ten minutes later and was
much less sordid. As I read this well-written story, I couldn't help
thinking that Pat and Julie Allen were good for Our Hero. Fatherhood will be
good for him too.
Ratings for "First"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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