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From: Andrew Roller <roller39@IDT.NET>
Subject: FUCK DECENCY 321 Nudie Nursery (nnd) g2
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Andrew Roller Presents
FUCK DECENCY
Sponsored by: Crab the dog
Issue No. 321
Naughty Naked Dreamgirls in
Nudie Nursery
Chapter Four
Within the parlor Jasmine sat with two other women. They were
mid-30’s, perhaps, young like she yet dignified. Old enough to be
amused by what happened to us, yet still in the bloom of youth, pleasing
Brent with their bodies if they chose to disrobe. At the moment they
were fashionably dressed. One wore a sweater, unbuttoned, over a pretty
dress. She had glasses but had put them aside on the coffee table. The
other had on a skirt and blouse. Long strands of pearls hung casually
down over her bosoms. They made her look casual but expensive. Jasmine
wore slacks. They were dress slacks, smooth and dark brown. She wore a
beige blouse and a tan neckerchief. I might have thought I was at some
conservative women’s luncheon, except I was barelegged and cuffed.
Jasmine rose as we entered. She approached me first and
unbuttoned my fur. Opening it, she saw the mess I’d made of myself at
lunch. She gasped. The other two women gazed at me and then laughed.
She opened up Missy next. She removed our coats and called the butler
to come and hang them. She did nothing about our handcuffs.
“Poor dear. Even your face is messy,” Jasmine said to Missy.
She dipped the corner of a napkin into her tea and wiped Missy’s mouth
with it.
“Brent made me--” Missy began, but Jasmine hushed her. Her
finger pressed itself to Missy’s lips. She was gentle, yet her next
words chilled me. “Go stand on that big leather chair, darling,”
Jasmine urged Missy.
“But won’t you--?” Missy began. Jasmine took her by her pinned
arms and walked her to the chair. In her confusion, Missy did not
finish her sentence. Jasmine tugged off the girl’s pumps. Then Jasmine
bent and lifted Missy’s thigh and made her step up onto the chair.
Missy’s feet planted themselves in the seat. It squished down under her
weight. Her adorable bottom hung its cheeks before our eyes.
The woman with the sweater and the long pretty dress rose from
her chair. She wafted over to Missy. With a concerned look in her
eyes, yet with implacable hands, she forced Missy’s wrists up off her
bulging little bottom cheeks. The woman, whom I later learned was named
Kerri, pressed Missy’s hands into the small of her back. Drawing a
leather cord from her sweater, she bound Missy’s upraised wrists to the
back of her pearl choker.
“Don’t break the strands of pearls or it will be worse for
you,” Jasmine told Missy.
“But what are you going to do to me?” Missy bawled. She was
shivering and her peaked, honey-tipped breasts were shaking. With her
arms yanked back and high on her spine, bound quite implacably, she
offered her bosoms to the wall. It was an obscene vista, this poor
milkmaid of a girl presenting her full young bosoms. Kerri slipped into
the space behind the chair and, having made Missy present her mammaries,
she took hold of them. Kerri kissed each of Missy’s nipples in turn.
“Ooooh, your buds taste like honey!” Kerri smiled.
“Quit licking my boobies!” Missy complained.
“I’m afraid this is a lesbian luncheon, dear,” Jasmine said to
Missy. She patted the girl’s bottom and smiled over Missy’s shoulder at
Kerri. “I’m going to swat this precious little ass of yours until its
wigglier than you can imagine. Then I’m going to cup it with my hands
and you’re going to roll it on my palms, letting me feel all the little
tensions and spasms in your tushy. I see Brent’s already been playing
with you a little, from this trace of shit in your ass crack. Bring me
a napkin, Leslie, so I can wipe her.”
EXPLORATIONS IN PROGRAMMING
with java joe
I was riding the bus with my friend Perply the other day (the
guy who saves his turds in plastic bags, and sings to them). He said he
really liked looking at Alexa Brinkley in Redbook, but he couldn’t
afford to buy the magazine. I told him he needed to become a Java
programmer. “Then you can afford to buy a plastic bag for each of your
turds, and magazines with Alexa in them too!” I told Perply. He said he
didn’t understand anything about Java, and all the books about Java
looked really complicated.
“Java is a bunch of icons,” I told Perply. “When you have
created a Java applet, you will have at least two icons. One of the
icons will be ‘something.html’. The other icon will be
‘something.class’.
“That sounds pretty simple,” Perply admitted.
“Remember that ‘something’ can be anything,” I told him. “For
instance, you might have ‘turd.html’, or whatever you want.”
“Okay,” Perply said. “But what happens? Does ‘turd.html’ do
anything?”
“Yes,” I said. “The ‘turd.html’ icon calls up, say, an
‘Ass.class’ icon and forces the ‘Ass.class’ icon to do something.”
“That reminds me of my web page,” Perply said. “I have a web
page called ‘turd.html’. It says ‘I LOVE MY TURDS!’ across the top of
my web page. Underneath that I have a picture of one of my turds.”
“How does your web page actually work?” I asked Perply.
“My ‘turd.html’ web page calls up a separate ‘turd.gif’ picture
that I’ve created,” Perply said. “My web page forces the ‘turd.gif’
picture to display itself in my web page, so everyone can admire it.”
“Yes!” I said. “And where do you put your ‘turd.gif’?”
“I put my ‘turd.gif’ in a separate folder,” Perply said. “I’ve
found that if my gif is in the same folder as my web page, for some
reason my web page can’t find it.”
“So, let me see,” I said to Perply. “What is your Internet
address?”
“My Internet address is: perply@fart.net,” Perply said. “At
that address I have a folder. It is labelled: ‘public_html’. In that
folder, ‘public_html’, is where I keep my web page: ‘turd.html’. It’s
also where I keep a folder labelled: ‘art’. Inside the ‘art’ folder is
where I keep my gif: ‘turd.gif’.”
“Great!” I told Perply. “Java works the same way. Here’s what
you need to do. Inside your ‘public_html’ folder, create another
folder. Call it: ‘turd’. Or you can call the folder whatever you
like,” I said. “Then, I want you to create a class file. You can call
the class file whatever you like. But, to keep everything straight, why
don’t you just call it ‘Ass.class’.
“Okay,” Perply said. “Let me write this down. First, I need
to have my Internet address. At my Internet address I’ve got to have
some space for a web page. My web space happens to be in a folder that
my Internet Service Provider has decided to call ‘public_html’.”
“Right!” I said.
“Inside my folder, which is labelled ‘public_html’, I’ve got my
web page,” Perply said.
“Right,” I agreed.
“My web page is called ‘turd.html’,” Perply said. “That’s the
name of the icon itself.”
“Right,” I said.
“Now, in order to do Java, I need to have a folder inside my
‘public_html’ folder. It’s beside my ‘turd.html’ icon. It’s a folder
that I’ve decided to call ‘turd.’”
“Right,” I said.
“Inside my folder called ‘turd’, I’ve got a class icon. This
class icon is labelled ‘Ass.class’,” Perply said.
“Right!” I agreed. “Let’s look, then, at what is inside your
‘public_html’ folder:”
turd.html turd art
(an icon) (a folder) (a folder)
“That’s a good diagram,” Perply said. “‘turd.html’ is my web
page. In the folder named ‘art’, I’ve got an icon named ‘turd.gif.’”
“Yes,” I said. “And in the folder named ‘turd’, you’ve got an
icon named ‘Ass.class’.”
“I know how to write html code to make my web page call to the
‘art’ folder and get the picture of the turd, for displaying it in my
web page,” Perply said. “But how do I write html code to make my web
page call to the ‘turd’ folder?”
“Here’s the code,” I told Perply. “I’ll write it right here:”
<applet codebase="turd" code="Ass.class" width=250 height=50>
</applet>
“Put that code in your web page,” I told Perply. “‘applet
codebase=’ refers to the folder where the Java applet is located.”
“The Java applet, I take it, is the icon labelled ‘Ass.class’?”
Perply asked.
“Yes,” I said. “That is your Java applet. It’s the icon
labelled ‘Ass.class’.”
“Hmmm,” Perply said. “What’s this mean: code="Ass.class"
“That’s your class file, idiot!” I told him. “It’s your Java
applet.”
“Oh, yeah,” Perply said. “Now I get it. ‘codebase’ refers to
the *folder* where my class icon is kept. And ‘code’ refers to the
class icon itself.”
“Right,” I said.
“How do I make a class file?” Perply asked.
“Let me write out the instructions for you,” I told him. “Do
you have a Macintosh?”
“Yes,” Perply said.
“Okay, here’s the instructions,” I said.
1. Call MacWarehouse: (or whomever you prefer) 1-800-255-6227.
2. Order CodeWarrior Discover Programming Edition, $79.95
3. When it arrives, double-click on the “Java CodeWarrior IDE” icon.
“I’m using an earlier version, so things might be a little
different for you,” I told Perply.
4. Double-click on “SimpleText”, the writing program that came with
your Macintosh.
“You’ll need to use a bare bones writing program, so only your
typewritten code is included in it,” I told Perply.
5. Type the html code, written above, into your SimpleText writing
program. Save the file. Name it “rough html”.
6. Type the Java code, written below, into your SimpleText writing
program. Save the file. Name it “rough Java”.
/* -----------------------------------------
This displays "LoveTurds" when it repaints.
Java's classes: Applet (applet)
Graphics (awt) used for drawing
Custom classes: Ass
---------------------------*/
public class Ass extends java.applet.Applet {
public void paint(java.awt.Graphics g) {
g.drawString("LoveTurds", 100 , 25);
}
}
7. In the Java CodeWarrior IDE, pull down the menu under File. Release
it on “New Project”.
8. Name your project. (In this example, I’ll name it: turdie).
9. In the project window which has appeared, you’ll see “replace me”
listed twice. Double-click on the first “replace me”.
10. Replace the existing text, in the new window which appears, with
your html code (that you typed into SimpleText). Using “Save As,” save
the file as: turd.html
11. Close the turd.html window.
12. Double-click on the second “replace me” (in the ‘turdie’ project
window).
13. Replace the existing text, in the new window which appears, with
your Java code (that you typed into SimpleText). Using “Save as,” save
the file as: turd.java
14. Close the turd.java window.
15. In the Java CodeWarrior IDE, pull down the menu under Project.
Release it on “Make”.
16. Java CodeWarrior will now make your Ass.class file.
“So now I’ve got a turd.html file,” Perply said. “But what do
I do with my old web page?” Perply asked.
“Take it down for now, so I can show you how to display a web
page containing Java,” I told him.
“Okay,” Perply said. “But how do I upload my brand new
turd.html file?”
“Use Netscape Navigator,” I told him. “Let’s continue with our
instructions:”
17. Use “Fetch” to ftp to your web space.
18. In Fetch, go along the menu bar to “Remote”. Pull down the menu
and use “Delete Directory or File” to delete your old web page.
19. In Fetch, go along the menu bar to “Directories”. Pull down the
menu and use “Create New Directory” to create a folder named “turd”.
20. Quit Fetch.
21. Use Netscape to *ftp* to your web space. ( ftp:// (etc.)
22. In Netscape, pull down the menu under File. Release it on “Upload
File”. Upload your new ‘turd.html’ file. Then open your ‘turd’ folder
and upload your ‘Ass.class’ file into your ‘turd’ folder.
23. Go to some other address with Netscape. (Go look at someone else’s
web page, like “Excite,” “Hotmail,” or whatever).
24. Now, it’s time to go look at your web page. Use http:// (etc.) to
go to your web page.
25. Click on your icon labelled ‘turd.html’. The ‘turd.html’ icon will
call to the ‘Ass.class’ icon, inside the ‘turd’ folder. It will make an
applet run on your web page! (The words “LoveTurds” will appear on your
web page.)
“That’s it?” Perply asked.
“That’s it,” I said. “If you had created a bigger Java applet,
you would have more than one class file in your ‘turd’ folder. You’d
have lots of class files there. Like I said, a Java applet is nothing
but a bunch of icons. One html icon, which is your web page. Plus as
many class icons as are needed for that Java applet to run.
(something).html PLUS (something).class (something).class
an icon an
icon an icon
(As many or as few class icons as are needed).
“Well, thanks,” Perply said. “But it still seems pretty
complicated. I’ve got to sing to my turds now, so you should talk about
Java with somebody else.”
“Okay,” I said.
AND IN THE END...
MERRY CHRISTMAS, AMERICA!
“Earlier this month a Chicago law firm urged its clients to
consider cancelling their Christmas parties on the grounds that it could
expose them to all sorts of liability suits - from sexual harassment to
drunken driving.”
- The Economist, December 13, 1997, pg. 51.
(Ah, yes, America in the 90’s. Now even Christmas is ‘inappropriate’.
-h.j.)
-------------------------- Fuck Decency! ------------------------
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-Naughty Naked Dreamgirls (Library of Congress ISSN: 1070-1427) is
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copyright 1997 by the respective copyright holder.
-END OF 321 EMISSION
- “Something is very wrong here.” (Miss Manners on office Christmas
parties in the 90’s, where the employees, not the company, are required
to pay.) (December 21, 1997.)
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