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From: hawkrds@aol.com (HawkRds)
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Subject: {ASS} Tongue and Cheek: [celeste's x-mas story entry] by Hawk Richards
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Disclaimer: I am not Santa Claus.
It's competition time again. Yep, Celeste in her vast wisdom has created the
X-mas Story Contest -- just in time for Christmas. There's nothing like a good
sex story to snuggle up with under the mistletoe. After all, it is the season
to be jolly, and well, the best way for me to get my Jollies is to write this
sex story. Well, it's not the best way, but will hafta do for the time being.
Contact Info:
Hawk Richards
HawkRds@aol.com
***
Tongue and Cheek
By Hawk "Santa" Richards
Christmas was in the air. I could smell the rancid good will and holiday cheer
before the Thanksgiving turkey was even cold.
As usual, my luck -- which is more of a curse -- gave me the chance to see how
the other half lives. The exec's upstairs decided that the end of the year is
the best time to lay people off, and, of course, I was on top of the list.
Somebody must have told them that all I did was hit on the secretaries and take
three hour lunches because I soon got my pink slip in the inter-office mail.
No Christmas bonus either -- go figure. Merry Fucking Christmas!
Anyway, I needed to get some extra cash quickly because of the holidays and my
upcoming vacation, so I called my cousin Rudy. He runs a temporary agency, and
he has always found me something to do to fill my wallet during hard times.
"What do you mean that's all you have?" I asked.
"Hey, it's either this or work in a soup kitchen, pal," Rudy mumbled. "It's
not that bad. All you have to do is stand around in a Santa suit and ring a
bell."
"Yeah, right." I hung up. I wasn't that desperate yet, and even if I was,
then I certainly wouldn't have put on a red velvet suit, a fake beard and ring
a bell to get spare change for any good cause.
Later on that day, I tried buying a few presents for my family. It turned out
that my credit cards where maxed out already. I guess, I shouldn't have bought
that new computer for myself. But, I was sure that I shouldn't have purchased
a round trip for two to Jamaica for the holidays. At that point, if I didn't
find a way to get some spending money, then I would have spent my vacation
sleeping alone on the beach, instead of spending it with Kathy. That and I
liked to eat. I barely had enough for food.
"Ho, Ho, ho," I cried as I swigged on a paper bag clad bottle of Jack Daniels.
In my half-drunken state, I started to flirt with every female that walked by
me. Let me tell you, there is nothing like a fat guy in a red suit to turn on
the ladies! One such lovely woman, who had the most beautiful ass I had seen
in a long time, turned around to look at me.
"You should be ashamed of yourself!" spat the middle-aged woman, while she
stared at me in disgust.
"HOE! HOE! HOE! YOU FUCKING HOE!" I shouted. "Bend over. I'll give you a
fucking present, bitch."
As the daylight vanished, I headed back to Santa central, where other down on
their luck guys hung out before they got their paycheck. On my way, I walked
past a semi-attractive hooker, who looked like she needed a gift from Santa.
So, being my Good Samaritan self, I haggled a price for a blow job. I didn't
think twice about blowing my Santa loot on a crack whore. After all, what
would the real Santa do?
I found out that the nice thing about a crack whore is that they are really
cheap. She dragged me into a dark alley, and unzipped my pants. It was quite
surreal, as I stood there dressed up as Saint Nick with my dick shoved down her
throat.
Since I didn't have to do anything but sit back and relax as she suckled my
pecker, I just rested my hands on my fake, pillowy Santa stomach and relished
getting my rocks off. Now, don't call me a sexist or anything, but I usually
rate a blow job on a scale of 1 to 10 in three different categories. First, I
rated her technical expertise. This girl was using all her hooker tricks and
some new ones that I have never experienced. As she slowly sank her warm mouth
over the head of my prick, one of her hands massaged my aching balls and the
other stroked my North Pole. I gave her at nine out of ten because she didn't
really use her tongue to full advantage. Instead of twirling it around or
something, she just tried to stick it into my piss hole. That's a good thing,
I guess, but I think she could have done more.
I was really starting to feel the effect of her ministrations, so I focused on
the second category, which dealt the overall blow. Some girls, who have lousy
oral skills still give a great blow job. I have judged this on whether or not
they seemed to enjoy sucking on my candy cane or if they just looked gorgeous
with a wad of cum hanging from their upper lip or not. She seemed to like it.
The third category was arousal. Did she get me off? Well, of course, unless
a girl bites off my dick, I can usually get off quite well. I felt the spunk
churning in nuts, which gave me the urge to expell my load down her throat.
She sensed that I was about to ejaculate, and aimed my dick at her mouth.
Spurt after spurt of come shot out in arcs of pearly white, splattering on her
tongue and cheek.
"Merry Christmas," I said, handing her the bag of loot I had gotten from
standing outside of JC Penny's begging for change. I like to give back to the
community, ya know?
__
Author Notes:
1st note: In the spirit of x-mas, I suggest we all get each other off. So,
let's fuck under the Christmas tree. Spike the eggnog at grandma's house with
spanish fly. Give your old aunt a new vibrator this year. Make sure you hang
the mistletoe over the bed. For added pleasure, sew the mistletoe to your
underwear.
2nd note: I'm hung like a horse -- think about it. (That was for the ladies)
It explains why I snort like a horse when I come.
3rd note: You can find more Hawk Richards stories at
http://members.aol.com/hawkrds
4th note: Merry Fucking Christmas
-Hawk Richards
hawkrds@aol.com
"My eyes are red and my teeth are green. Merry Fucking Christmas!" -- Denis
Leary (No Cure For Cancer)
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