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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 238 - Nov 29
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Celestial Reviews 238 - November 29, 1997
CONTEST TIME! We haven't had a Celestial Writing Contest in a long time. So
I am announcing a Celestial Christmas Story Contest. The only rule is that
your entry has to be a new story about Christmas or a related holiday theme.
I'll interpret this seasonal theme loosely - a Druid orgy at Stonehenge
during the winter solstice or group sex at half-time at the Rose Bowl would
qualify. Entries can be posted as they are written, and I'll review them as
soon as I receive them. Winners will be announced on or around January 1.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Pushing the Envelope" by Jordan Shelbourne (sexual nostalgia)
10, 10, 10
"Fireman's Carnival" by Kathy B. (sex in public) 10, 10, 10
"La Kajira" by Carol Parsons (sex slavery) 7, 4, 4
"My Boyfriend's Back" by losgud (ff sex & threesome) 10, 9, 9
"My Education" by bebrack (family sex) 10, 10, 5
Guest Reviews:
"Building Bridges" by Nick (relationships & control) 7.5, 8.5, 6
"Jake" by Unknown Author (sexual cliches) 7, 3, 4
"The Stepford Wives" by Rhett Dreams (mind control) 10, 10, 10
"For the Love of Amy" by Unknown Author (enigmatic sex)
8, 6, 5
"Witch Hunt" by Pus E. Cat (bdsm) 10, 7, 8
"Daydreaming" by Suki (bdsm) 8, 7, 6
Reposted Reviews:
* "Citation" by Unknown Author (pleasurable police bondage)
8, 9.5, 9
* "Elly" by Friar Dave (attitude adjustment) 9.5, 9, 9
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Pushing the Envelope" by Jordan Shelbourne (Reposted by who@why.not). The
businessman's client has had too much to drink at a strip club, and so the
businessman drives him home, but only under condition that they not disclose
to his wife where they have been. The client's wife turns out to be a former
bedmate of the businessman - back from the wild, hippie days of their young
adulthood. The businessman has a rule (seriously) against humping the wives
of clients, but this setting is pretty tempting. Read it to find out what
happens.
I wrote the above paragraph as a review of what I later realized was the
first chapter in a series of stories with an as-yet undetermined number of
episodes. The author is a genuinely good writer, and the installments (three
so far) continue to be interesting, imaginative, and often sexy. I'll try to
post another review when the series is finished.
Ratings for "Pushing the Envelope"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Fireman's Carnival" by Kathy B. (kathybxx@aol.com). The narrator has
volunteered to work at a pie-throwing booth at one of those fund-raising
carnivals for an animal shelter. After she flirts with some male customers
for a while, it's her turn to stick her head through the curtain and serve as
the target. Since her head is restrained by a drawstring, she can do little
except grin and bear it when she is surprised by her husband's hands first
fondling her ass and then fucking her from behind. In fact, her husband is
more industrious and more eager to rise to the occasion than usual. If you
think about this setup for a little while, you can probably guess the
surprise ending. This is a good story.
Ratings for "Fireman's Carnival"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"La Kajira" by Carol Parsons (myescape@voyager.net). The narrator describes
herself as a kajira, which in somebody's language is a pet name for a slave.
America used to have slaves, but then somebody passed a law against that
sort of thing. But that was bad slavery. This story is about good slavery -
love, honor, and obedience -things that the Boys Scouts would approve of. We
are informed that slavery can also be bondage and whippings, but that is "the
next level" - presumably after the kajira has been cleansed by love, honor,
and obedience and is ready to seek authentic personal fulfillment.
Anyway, our narrator longs for the Strength and Protection she will receive
from her Master, whose primary characteristics are muscles, a hard cock, and
Nice Pants. The Master fucks his little slave during this story, but I was
so distracted by the nonsensical master-slave nomenclature that I enjoyed it
very little.
The author says that she I writes erotic fantasy for pleasure and for a
living. Coulda fooled me. She even offers you a phone number to call -
credit card in hand - to get more stories like this one. Save your money.
Ratings for "La Kajira"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"My Boyfriend's Back" by losgud (lushgod@hotnomail.com). Ah, the ambiguity
of the apostrophe.... Denise's boyfriend has gone on a business trip to Iowa,
leaving her alone with her hot pussy on a weekend in New York. So her friend
Kimbra, who has just broken up with her own boyfriend, comes over to drink
wine and watch movies. They are surprised to find that one of the movies is
an ff porn flick, and that gives them ideas; and since they're both horny as
hell, they're off to the races.
They both discover that they still respect each other in the morning; and so
they continue to stimulate each other intensely until the boyfriend arrives
home unexpectedly. But that's the point of the title of the story - first
the two ladies go at it madly BEHIND his back, and then they go at it with
him ON his back. And you thought the title had something to do with a 60's
song!
The sex is hot, and the descriptions are vivid. This is a very good story,
if what you're interested in is a sexual romp.
Ratings for "My Boyfriend's Back"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"My Education" by bebrack (T4425@aol.com). The basic premise of this story
is that the family that fucks together sucks together - er, stays together
and reaches adult maturity, I guess. Steve's Dad has passed away, and so his
Mom has to give Steve his sex education; and she believes in a more direct
method than can be supplied by books. Then they both educate little Susie.
This is a well written story. The only low rating I gave it was for appeal to
reviewer. I HAVE read childhood incest stories to which I have given 10s for
appeal to me, but those gave some sort of rationale for the psychological and
emotional elements of the story. This one just assumes that everyone knows
that it would be really neat if the kids could fuck with Mom. It makes no
attempt to appeal to readers that do not already share that assumption, and
so it sort of missed its target with me.
Ratings for "My Education"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Building Bridges - (The "Unexpurgated Version")" by Nick
(Nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk). Guest review by Morgan Preece.
Hmm. First of all, this is an incomplete story; secondly, it's a revised
version of an earlier post. The author discusses the reactions to the first
version in the header and expresses a hope that criticisms have been answered
in this version.
I did not read the earlier version so I have no real idea as to whether the
original, um, complaints (?) have been addressed.
No matter.
Thirdly, this is an incomplete story with a "to be continued" at the end.
Well, you can only count two strikes on foul balls. <grin>
This is an interesting story dealing with complicated human beings. I'm not
sure it should be considered a sex story so much as a story with sex scenes.
In fact the sex seemed almost perfunctory, obligatory for the market, y'know.
Kind of like a horse opera turned into space opera by adding spaceships and
ray guns.
Since it is incomplete, I can't be sure of any of the plot points, but it
seems the story is about status, control, love, violence and sex and the
complex relations between those concepts among office workers.
The violence is mild but the threat is there, some people will be turned off
by this. I was not turned off by the violence because, frankly the story
never lit any fires for me in the first place.
There is a certain charm to the narrative. A real storyteller's voice peaks
through what looks like overthought prose. A few grammatical lapses can be
forgiven, but the style seems remote at times for such hot topics.
For various reasons I did not enjoy this story but I did find it interesting.
I will read the next chapter; so keep writing, Nick.
Ratings for "Building Bridges"
Athena (technical quality): 7.5 ( Phrasing often distances the
action from the reader and occasional clumsy word choice
hints at second-guessing the storyteller. Minus 1 for a
clumsy set-up for the "to be continued." Plus 1/2 because I
think the story is better than a 7, considering the average of
writing on the net.)
Venus (plot & character): 8.5 (Plot is complex, characters more so,
human, inexplicable and unpredictable. Minus 1/2 for hiding the
motives for some actions in an unposted second part.)
Morgan (appeal to reviewer): 6 (I know I'm supposed to be aroused
by the description of the sex acts but I am not. Sorry, maybe
it's just me.)
Grade for a hypothetical class in writing for ASS would be a "C+" and
a "Finish This!" scribbled in the margin.
"Jake" by Unknown Author (Reposted by Bookman Archives). Guest review by DG.
This story brought home to me how much the quality of the stories on {ass}
and {assm} has improved over the past few years. These days there is a wide
variety of creative, well-written stories to choose from; and an old-style
formula clunker like this one seems downright out of date. "Jake" is a
reposted story with no author's name, and I don't know when it was written.
But it is a perfect example of the stereotypical, cookie-cutter sex story
that used to dominate the newsgroups, the sort of fare that no doubt makes up
the bulk of the 50,000 stories on those infamous compilation CDs. Instead of
outlining the plot, I'll just list a few of the many clicheed assumptions
made in this story:
It's a always a good idea to make a pass at your friends wife, even if you
don't actually like her that much.
Even if a woman refuses your initial advances, keep at it and eventually her
body will respond. After all, a woman's sexuality is too powerful for her
rational mind to resist.
Don't worry about getting caught - if your friend shows up, he'll get a kick
out of it and want to join in. The more the merrier!
The best thing about having a ten inch "monster cock" is that women can't
resist the challenge of trying to take it up the ass.
This isn't a terrible story, it just doesn't have much going for it. The sex
is hot and explicit, but the dialogue is forced and wooden and the characters
don't behave realistically, which made it difficult for me to get into it. I
don't recommend this story, because there is so much better stuff available.
Ratings for "Jake"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 3
DG (appeal to reviewer): 4
"The Stepford Wives" by Rhett Dreams (reposted by somogy1@hotmail.com) Guest
review by Piper
Funny. I've learned more about classical literature from reading "smut" in
ass than I did all through school, university, and the many years of normal
reading since. That's probably because my interests lie in other genres,
like scifi, fantasy, comic books, and the like. This means I have absolutely
no bias when (and no basis for) comparing this story with the original.
Having said that, I think that Rhett's version is probably not as literary
as the original, but it is probably much hotter and more titillating.
If you've never read the book or seen the movie (there is a movie, isn't
there?), there is something strange going on in the town of Stepford, Kansas.
Something very strange. All of the women are perfect. Not physically
perfect, of course, but perfectly made up, perfectly dressed, perfectly
mannered, and perfectly wonderful wives and mothers. Too perfect. Scary
perfect. There's a reason for this perfection. He's called Dr. Richard
Poulson -- aka Joseph Mengele, Jr.
He's controlling their minds, using drugs. But if you think this might be a
normal run-of-the-mill mind control story, you would be wrong. Dr. Poulson
has much greater ambitions than a small town like Stepford could ever
contain. Who else is in on this plot? Just about every male resident of the
town, of course. When will his ambitions break loose? Soon. Very soon.
Into this cauldron of depravity comes a couple of strangers and their little
girl. These are normal, every day people. The doctor, in order to protect
his dirty secrets, must incorporate these newcomers into his web. The
husband must be seduced and compromised. The wife must be processed. All
without their knowledge, of course. He orders his minions to see to it.
When they try, complications arise.
I liked this story. There are plenty of plot twists. There are genuine bad
guys and good guys. There is evil aplenty. There is tons of sex of all
types and varieties and degrees of heat. Being a MC story, naturally a fair
bit of it occurs without one or more of the participants' informed consent.
Sometimes it occurs without their knowledge. Sometimes it involves whips
and chains and crops and the like. Definitely not for the faint of heart,
but definitely interesting and engrossing.
There are a couple of things that bothered me. One was the need for a final,
thorough, proofreading. I hate getting deeply involved in a story, only to
be thrown out of my carefully built up mental world by a wordsmithing
problem. Another was the ending. I don't know how closely this story
mirrors the original, but the ending was a little hokey. Minor hokey, but
hokey none the less. Maybe that's just me and my non-literary
judgementalism. I'm sure there will be lots of folks who will enjoy the
ending.
Despite these minor flaws, I loved the story. It's worth a read. But be
warned -- it's long. 410k long. I don't know how many words that translates
into, but it's a lot! (I just got told it's around 75,000 words by one of my
lady friends. Even she liked the story!)
Ratings for "The Stepford Wives"
Technical merit 10
Plot and character 10
Appeal to reviewer 10
"For the Love of Amy" by Unknown Author (Reposted by Bookman Archives). Guest
review by BillyG.
"For the Love of Amy" is one of those stories that tries to be mysterious but
starts out sufficiently ill-defined as to be mildly irritating. Chad, the
protagonist, is given no more substance than some guy with a backpack who
appears to show up in Amy's life after prolonged absences. With a notable
lack of any demonstrated meaningful relationship, they end up in the sack and
screw. Immediately after, Chad disappears from her life again for long and
unexplained periods.
The plot, limited as it is, comes across as too contrived; for the reader is
led to spend too much energy and time trying to figure out what's happening.
The sex scenes, largely formula and lack luster, are set against a back drop
of irritating enigma. The puzzle has a resolution that is delivered far too
late for literary redemption. While the idea has merit, the structure of the
story emerges as one that was intended solely to support the surprise to the
detriment of the tale as well as the sex. Once again, a good idea was lost
in bad execution.
Ratings for "For the Love of Amy"
Athena (technical quality): 8 (moderately trite and hackneyed)
Venus (plot & character): 6 ( plot came close, but no cigar and
no character)
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 5 (mildly irritating story with
ho-hum sex)
"Witch Hunt" by Pus E. Cat (buckles8@aol.com). Guest Review by David Rills.
"Fun in Old New England" could be another title to this story written by Pus
E. Cat. Elizabeth, the heroine in this ribald classic set in Salem,
Massachusetts, in the seventeenth century awakens in a barn, sprawled in the
straw, clothed in nothing but her corset and bloomers.
For those who like Puritan Pornography, Pus, in his opener, did a superb job
setting the scene of what promises to be a well written story of bondage
involving a sweet young thing and a bunch of dirty old men. Salem's
ministers, obviously sexually frustrated, seize upon a somewhat naive girl's
attempt to serenade a local Indian with her guitar as the pretext to burn
another witch. As an added reward, they get to tie up the luscious young
beauty in a sexually suggestive position.
The Bondage scene is technically well done in its description of Elizabeth
being bound up in such fashion as to well display her comely breasts,
prominent nipples and large ass. To add to the show, she is strapped across a
horse which juggles her assets to full advantage.
I think the writing quality is excellent and this is a good start to a period
piece. The author clearly took pains to make his story believable, and he
clearly has read and researched the historical period prior to writing the
story. I am looking forward to reading later chapters to see if he fulfills
the promise of this beginning.
Ratings for "Witch Hunt"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7 (intriguing but too soon to tell)
David Rills (appeal to reviewer): 8 (good story, looking forward to
more)
"Daydreaming" by Suki (suki@fish.com) Review by Sven the Elder.
Well this is a short story - 396 words, and that includes three in the title.
Two people - one female, we never find out about the other - are in the
middle of a conversation. It is about being submissive, a subject I admit to
finding little joy or pleasure in. The main speaker manages to bring herself
to orgasm by mental, verbal and digital stimulation. I regret to say that
about sums up the 'plot'. Recent discussions to a.s.s.d have revolved around
both length, short versus long and character development. Well this review
is 179 words long and in something a little over twice that length character
development is a tad difficult to say the least.
I was left unmoved by both the story and the malapropisms and silly spelling
mistakes. Please, please just run the spell checker or ask someone else to
give it a quick check.
Sorry - a brave attempt, sadly it just fails.
Ratings for
Technical quality: 8
Plot & character: 7
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 6
* "Citation" by Unknown Author. Guest review by Piper.
I think the premise of this story falls under the heading of "don't try this
at home". Any guy who flashes a female police officer in the expectation of
receiving the same kind of treatment John gets from Officer Edwards deserves
his just reward - booking, conviction, a police record as a sexual deviant,
fine, probation, and possible jail time.
Lucky for John, Kate Edwards isn't a normal cop, and she has a really
well-developed sense of humor. She gives him a chance to get out of the
"public exposure" charge (or whatever it's called in your neck of the woods).
In her own words, "Until six tomorrow morning, you are going to be my slave.
If you do everything, EVERYTHING I tell you to do, and don't complain about
anything...I'll be happy and you'll be free. Fail to comply just once, or
complain the slightest bit...and I book you as a pervert. Deal?" At this
point, John is naked and secured both hand and foot to an empty bunk in an
empty basement cell in an old, abandoned police building. He agrees.
This story involves handcuffs, zap straps, whipped cream, a string of
pleasure balls, a small vibrator, an abandoned but still functional police
building, and a banana. Officer Edwards just happened to have all of the
above (except the building) in a bag in her patrol car (I wonder just what
kind of "emergency" these things could be used for). Being the curious
deviant I am, and having no personal experience in this area, I asked my two
friends about the practicality of using a peeled banana. After the laughter
died down and they quit smirking at each other, I got the following advice:
"Yeah, you can use a peeled banana. It's better if you leave the
skin on, though," said one.
"As long as you cut the rough bit off the end," said the other (they
spoke in turns, frequently interrupting one another).
"Peeled, they're kinda fragile, so you gotta be real careful. Bear
down too much, and you got banana puree."
"That's messy. But it's fun cleaning up." (More laughs and
knowing glances passed between them.)
So now I know that bananas, peeled or not, are usable phallic substitutes.
The story gained a little credibility, although it still remained well out
in the realm of fantasy.
Technically, this story has some problems. Most of them, I believe, are due
to the ravages of time. The story has been around for a long time. It's
been through the mill, bouncing around from BBS to archive, from system to
system, from editor to word processor, and has suffered the odd wound. While
I did find one or two spelling errors, most of the problems come from small
bits of missing prose. Something, somewhere, pruned a few words here, the
end of a sentence there, and the odd descriptive in between.
This is a pretty good story. It doesn't quite fit into the femdom category
because Officer Edwards doesn't abuse, mistreat, or humiliate her captive.
She merely teases him into having the best sex of his entire life. The
descriptions are hot. The sex is hotter. The ending is a foregone
conclusion about a quarter of the way through. An enjoyable fantasy for
anyone who's had lustful thoughts about our women in blue.
Ratings for "Citation"
Technical merit 8
Plot & character 9.5
Appeal to reviewer 9
* "Elly" by Friar Dave. {Note: This is a good story, but this particular
repost is very poorly formatted. I would suggest looking for a better copy.
- Celeste} This author is good at hot, sexy romance. In this story the
initial flirtation and first lovemaking are especially sexy. Then things
take a serious turn. Elly is beautiful - her tits are her nicest feature;
but she has a severe emotional problem: she thinks she is a slut because she
is multiorgasmic. Our narrator gives her the Quick Cure, and Elly happily
realizes that being a slut as she has defined it can be OK as long as she
keeps it in perspective. This is not Friar Dave's best story, but it's still
very good! The sexual descriptions are excellent, but the plot lacks
complete integration.
A final comment. The narrator says, "I explained to her that if you read for
an hour a day, you read a couple of books a week. In thirty years, that's
around three thousand books." There's something wrong here. That reasoning
might apply to the kind of "books" you can buy from greeting card displays,
but I seriously doubt that serious readers other than Evelyn Wood can read
two good books in seven hours. On a related note, however, I just realized
that at the rate I'm going, in 30 years I will have read and reviewed 28,000
stories for this newsgroup. Of course, by that time either my sex drive will
have declined or I'll retire from teaching, and so I'll have the time. And
maybe I'll be able to read two books a week.
Ratings for "Elly"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
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