Message-ID: <5881eli$9711252357@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/Year97/5881.txt> From: The Future Polyandrium <polyandrium@hotmail.com.no.spam> Subject: polyandrium reviews 2, 11-25-97 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Reply-To: polyandrium@hotmail.com.no.spam Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: <usenet-approval@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded <story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Story-Submission: <story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Original-Message-ID: <347B848B.2DCE@hotmail.com.no.spam> X-Is-Review: yes hello and welcome to another edition of the polyandrium reviews. unlike celestial reviewing, inc. (as seems to be the case... *laugh* ) i don't have time to find an opening joke/one liner. so, moving right on to the reviews. i have no guest reviewers, nor do i want any currently, mainly because there have been no volunteers. let's see if i can keep it that way. things are somewhat hectic today, so i think i'll review only two stories for now... i promise next time will make up... my first sex story. (CRAIGERS) [Transgendered F/F, Transgendered F/F/M, slave/master] ick. this story, even for a debut, is poor. whenever i see a title like this it sets up a warning: warning: bad writer in area. when national lampoon has the same basic girl becomes boy plot and does it more erotic and convincing then there's something wrong. there are plenty of things to fix, such as a confusion with to/too and your/you're, two of the most annoying errors i know of. the story itself, setting the horrible writing style aside, is somewhat ho-hum. girl grows dick, girl uses dick. yawn. another thing that turned me off personally was the hugeness of the penis. mostly it was the brutality of it that was done bad... sometimes brutality can work, as in last "issue"'s demon rapist. in this case, the awkward writing ruins whatever shred of fairness the huge cock has. i'd have preferred an actual ending, too, though in this genre an ending is considered somewhat of a luxury. plot--------------- 1/10 - the national lampoon version was better characters--------- 1/5 - hey, at least there's someone named jacky sex---------------- 7/20 - i'm getting sick of these insanely sized dicks. length------------- 1/5 - single redeeming factor is that it ends writing quality---- 5/40 - parts of it are mediocre. the rest stinks appeal------------- 4/20 - much as i like girl/girl, this doesn't even count. overall------------ 19/100 - maybe, just maybe, this guy can write something good for a sophomoric effort. but i doubt it. cindy's first time (unknown) [f/mast, M/f oral] this is a well written story, though don't let the m/f fool you... this is mostly female solo. very well done, though i don't know of many girls cindy's age who don't know about vibrators... the plot itself is nice, it's been done but in this case it's done well. girl is injured and has the house to herself for a day, discovering the facts of life in the process. it's a very meat-and-potatoes story, save for the injury. once the guy comes in i sorta got worried... i've seen too many where the young girl seduces the older boy, he fucks her, the end. those stories always make me somewhat embarrassed for my gender... the exploitation of these young girls, though for the most part unspoken, is nonetheless there and disturbing. in this story, though, there is no tradionial exchange of bodil fluids, though the boy does forget about her, as most guys tend to do. plot--------------- 8/10 - standard plot, but done well characters--------- 4/5 - maybe the girl is too naive? sex---------------- 20/20 - if solo female is your game, this is perfect length------------- 5/5 - could have been longer, but same with citizen kane. writing quality---- 38/40 - occasional formatting errors only minus appeal------------- 18/20 - not much to say overall------------ 93/100 - whoever wrote this wrote very well, though it may have been revised by many in the passage of time -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | \ <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/> .../assm/faq.html> /