Message-ID: <5704eli$9711192254@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Archived-At: <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/Year97/5704.txt>
From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 235 - Nov 19
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d
Path: qz!not-for-mail
Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam
Approved: <usenet-approval@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded <story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Story-Submission: <story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Original-Message-ID: <971119131806_1872542907@mrin40.mail.aol.com>
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 235 - November 19, 1997
Note: Someone was recently communicating with me regarding the possibility
of serving as a guest reviewer. I accidentally deleted that message before I
could respond to it. If you are that person, I'd appreciate it if you would
re-contact me.
Second note: The following anecdote expresses the need for unambiguous
language:
An office manager had money problems and had to fire an employee, either Jack
or Jill. He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next
morning. Well, both employees came to work very early. Then the manager
thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately,
neither employee took a coffee break. Then the manager decided to see who
took the longest lunch break. Strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch
break that day; they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he'd
wait and see who would leave work earlier, and both employees stayed after
closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack, and the manager went up to her
and said, "Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you
or Jack off." Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm already
late for my bus."
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"All of Me" by Unknown Author (bdsm gangbang) 7, 7, 7
"Hostage" by billchi (girls kidnap guy for sex) 9, 8, 8
"Experiment A" by Eli the Bearded (non-sex) 10, 8, 8
"CYBER-CHARADE" by s.a.m. (poetry) 10, 10, 10
"Shish Kebab" by Lingua (highly imaginative sex) 10, 10, 10
"Life Sentence" by Uther Pendragon (poetry - sort of) 10, 10, 10
"Vows" by Chamai (dominance & submission) 6, 9, 8
"Mass Transit" by Brother Cadfael (sex in public) 10, 7, 7
"I Am M1ke's Dick" by M1KE HUNT (humor) 10, 10, 10
"Woman Being Tongued to Orgasm While Reciting the Names
of North American Capitol Cities" by Mark Aster (woman
being tongued to orgasm while reciting the names of North
American capital cities) 10, 10, 10
"Passages in Time. Episode 1: THE AWAKENING" by Alan C. McD
(identity crisis) 10, 10, 10
"A Day at the Art Institute" by David (art & sex) 10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Monks Five: Scorpion" by H.D. Meister (predatory lesbian)
7, 6, 5
"On Break" by CJT (really long quickie) 9, 7, 7
"Girlfriends" by Candy Kane (teen ff exploration) 9, 10, 9
"All of Me" by Unknown Author. The young lady goes to the church and
confesses her sins to Father Ryan. Until recently she had been a virgin, but
then her best friend's nerdy brother stuck his penis through the bottom of a
box of popcorn at a movie and offered her some, and before you could count to
three million by tens she had become the village slut. It even turns out
that Father Ryan was one of the guys who had gangbanged her when she was
blindfolded. Imagine that.
Ratings for "All of Me"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Hostage" by billchi (billchi@direct.ca). At the present time this is not
actually a sex story: it's simply a set-up for a sex story that the author
plans to write. The premise is interesting. A man has stopped at a remote
gas station and has been kidnapped by a bunch of slutty young women who
appear interested in making him their sextoy. There's enough here to make
readers want to see more, but not much real action yet.
Ratings for "Hostage"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Experiment A" by Eli the Bearded (eli@netusa.net). A guy meets a woman on a
train and doesn't have sex with her. The title suggests that the author was
experimenting. The story will make you wonder what the experiment was about.
This review is only 107 words shorter than the story.
Ratings for "Experiment A"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"CYBER-CHARADE" by s.a.m. (s.a.m@usa.net). This is a brief collection of
erotic poetry written in free verse. I tend to shy away from poetry in these
reviews, but this is really excellent stuff - the sort of thing high school
students who don't read this newsgroup could turn in as their poetry
assignment, because the teacher could not accuse them of plagiarism without
admitting that they read this newsgroup. Of course, the flaw in this
reasoning is that the students would probably get expelled for writing
obscene poetry anyway.
Ratings for "CYBER-CHARADE"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Shish Kebab" by Lingua (lingua@acay.com.au). This is a story about two
people having sex in the midst of excellent imagery, use of words, and
allusions. For example, "Double, double toil and trouble. My fire burns, my
cauldron bubbles. But the great dramatist never envisaged anything like this
scene." Or "That finger, and the gently sharp teeth rasping your cockhead,
seem to be the trigger that detonates your cache of white explosive." Or
maybe "More of your
mayonnaise spills from your glans and drenches my hand."
My only problem with this story was its use of metric measurements. I still
have no idea how long the guy's cock was.
Ratings for "Shish Kebab"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Life Sentence" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). As the title suggests
-at least after you have read the story - this is one long sentence about
life. It's not sexually explicit, but it contains allusions to sexual
activities. It puts sex into a wholistic perspective. I'm not sure whether
to call it poetry or wordplay, but it's an excellent example of whatever it
is.
Ratings for "Life Sentence"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Waiting" by Angee (angela_i@efn.org). The woman is horny for her boyfriend.
He has been gone for nearly a week. He has made a bet with her that she
cannot go a week without an orgasm. To make a long story short, the woman
becomes depraved because she's been deprived. Will she make it through this
horrible ordeal and collect the bet? Well, I guess that depends a little bit
on whether dreams count. I'm not going to tell you any more; but I WILL
assure you that this is a heckuva lot easier to do if you have children - not
to have sex with, but to distract you from the longings that might otherwise
besiege the fantasies of a sexually active woman. This is a very good story.
Ratings for "Waiting"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Vows" by Chamai (chamai@aol.com). This is a story about a woman who leads
the life of a covert sub - that is, she is secretly submissive to a female
lover. However, in her life with her husband she trains him into a
submissive role so that she is the domme. Eventually everybody learns about
everybody else, and they all are happy with their roles.
This is a first story by a new author. Its main problem is that events are
too smushed together and at times too predictable. I would suggest that this
author examine and learn from some of Vicki Tern's stories that have
comparable plots.
Ratings for "Vows"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Mass Transit" by Brother Cadfael (Brother_Cadfael@earthcorp.com). During her
morning mass-transit commute, a young girl shares an intimate and arousing
moment with a stranger. Like many of this author's stories, this one is
deliberately brief and vague: it's not exactly clear what is happening or
why. Nevertheless, this story does a pretty good job at what it tries to do.
Ratings for "Mass Transit"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"I Am M1ke's Dick" by M1KE HUNT (MrM1ke@aol.com). In this story Mike submits
his resume and gets a job making a sex show for PBS. The resume itself is
quite interesting. We learn that initially nobody wants to hire Mike, but
eventually the ladies at least are quite impressed with his performance.
The story unfolds in real time, as we examine a chronological series of
memos, letters, and transcripts of phone conversations and audiotapes. The
action never becomes as hot as in most of Mike's other stories. Aside from
the scene in which he describes his sensations while achieving erection and
penetration, most of the sexual action takes place off stage. However, the
tour de force of getting himself successfully into the movie business is
really a lot of fun.
Ratings for "I Am M1ke's Dick"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Woman Being Tongued to Orgasm While Reciting the Names of North American
Capitol Cities" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). Actually, that word in the
title should be "Capital." The word "Capitol" refers specifically to the
building.
The story is about what the title says. It proves that almost anything can
be sexy if you put yourself in the right frame of mind. I'm pretty sure I
couldn't do this without notes.
Ratings for "Woman Being Tongued to Orgasm While Reciting the Names of North
American Capitol Cities"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Passages in Time. Episode 1: The Awakening" by Alan C. McD
(18157818@msn.com). This is a really excellent but unusual story. However,
since this first episode depends greatly on the gradual emergence of plot
details, I cannot tell you much about it without ruining it for you. Just
for fun I've labeled this story "identity crisis," but that will make sense
only after you have read it.
The plot starts with two prostitutes waiting for a customer to select one of
them. He does, and then things get sexy and unusual. It's not that the sex
is kinky - it's actually extremely romantic, just unusual. It held my
constant attention from beginning to end. You'll have to read the story to
find out more.
Since this was an excellent story, perhaps it deserves a slightly longer
review. So I'll point out that sometimes British terminology confuses my
American mind. For example, I initially had trouble with this sentence:
"Most punters would look sheepishly away at the moment of choice." At first
I was confused. But then I realized that this is true, and that's why
punters tend to shank the ball or at least reduce their hang time and permit
a runback. I could be a statistician (or at least a reviewer) for the
All-Madden Team!
I look for to seeing more stories in this series.
Ratings for "The Awakening"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Day at the Art Institute" by David (david@innercite.com). The guy goes to
the art museum for the purist of motives - to enrich his mind and soul by
gazing upon the works of the great artists. But he stumbles upon a young
woman, who is quite a piece of art herself; and, well, she plays with herself
and teases him, and pretty soon he is playing with her as well as enjoying
the art that surrounds them.
This is a nice story with interesting ambiance.
Ratings for "A Day at the Art Institute"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Monks Five: Scorpion" by H.D. Meister (dez187lm@hotmail.com). Guest Review
by DG.
After the rather brutal chop-job that I did on a story by this author a few
weeks ago, I was a little surprised that Celeste sent me another one. I
found the first story ("Oblivion" something or the other) to be laughably
over-written and silly, and I gave in to the temptation to make fun of it.
Feeling a little guilty about that, I began reading this newer story with
the hope that I could find something nice to say.
Well, I'm pleased to say that this story, who's full title is "Perverted
Monks Scorpion Style: Reflections of Sin," is a better story than "Oblivion."
Unfortunately, it's still not very good. The plot is reasonably coherent: a
predatory lesbian makes a habit of cruelly seducing her straight roommates,
but one of them, following the guidance of a mysterious male guru, turns the
tables on the heartless dyke. There are some possibilities for both humor
and dramatic tension here, but the author doesn't deliver.
Although "Scorpion" has fewer of the overwrought descriptions and metaphors
that made "Oblivion" unintentionally funny, there is really nothing much to
recommend about it, either. The sex between the two women is more of a
contest of wills than an erotic interlude, and the mystical overtones at the
end of the story are right out of a B-grade Kung Fu movie. I didn't find
this story to be either sexy or thought-provoking.
Ratings for "Monks Five: Scorpion"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
DG (appeal to reviewer): 5
"On Break" by CJT (posted by venomx@aol.com). Guest review by Bronwen.
Our hero lusts after Laura, his co-worker at the drive-thru. She invites him
to her house during their half hour break. The break turns into a marathon
fuck-fest, they are 30 minutes late for work and get written up (which seems
from the context to be a disciplinary measure).
The author says "any resemblance to real people, places, or space-time
continuums is purely coincidental. (That is my way of saying that I am aware
of the discrepancies in the timetable, and I don't care!!)"
But I do. The author carefully includes timings at every stage: "We kissed
for over five minutes", "around 10 minutes in that position", "pounded her
for 20 minutes", etc. They add up to loads longer than an hour. Why didn't he
just leave these timings out? Or if he had to include them couldn't he simply
have changed the plot to fit the total? It's _his_ plot, after all!
Maybe other readers won't care, but my reaction was "if the writer doesn't
care about his own story, why should I?" Not the route to memorable fiction.
Otherwise it's OK. There are many worse stories than this one out there.
Apart from the timings it's coherent. The author has flashes of decent
observation where he says something fresh. His grammar is pretty good, but
his language clumsy. The phrases "lovely girl" and "fuck the shit out of"
don't readily fit in the same clause, somehow... A straight meat and potatoes
sex story.
Ratings for "On Break"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Girlfriends" by CANDY KANE (GQKZ45C@prodigy.com). Guest review by Dart.
This could be a tale of gentle seduction, or it could be the innocent and
curious explorations of two teenaged girlfriends spending the night together.
Whichever is the case, it's a tender story of expanding sexual horizons.
Debbie is spending the night with Candy, and Candy's parents have graciously
allowed them to use the guest house for their sleepover. Debbie hints that
she has something exciting to share with Candy, but insists that they wait
until everyone in the main house has gone to sleep. Finally that occurs, and
Debbie produces a porno tape that she had found hidden in her brother's
closet. It turns out to be a girls only tape, but it arouses both of them
despite their status as normal, boy-loving, teenagers.
Debbie is the aggressor, though a very gentle one. She wants them to just
touch each other. Candy's not so sure. Skipping over the details, I'll just
mention that in the morning they were both happy and satisfied. And planning
more sleepovers.
This story could have stood a very light pass by a proofreader. I also found
it a little bit amusing when Debbie used Candy's pre-cum to lubricate ....
Well, to lubricate something which can be discovered by reading the story.
But pre-cum! Why not the plain vanilla juice of arousal?
Ratings for "Girlfriends"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 9
--
+--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+
| story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us |
| Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ |
\ <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/> .../assm/faq.html> /