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Subject: {ASS} RP: "First Love" by unknown author, ch.01-21 (mf teen, story, love)
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The author's name has come detached from this story. If you are the author,
or know who wrote it, please email me. Thanks. -- CJ
Subject: ::::Repost by request: FIRST LOVE (mf teen, story, love)
Author's note: The following story is completely fictitious. It
is the "coming of age" story of three young adults whose lives become
intertwined. I wrote the preface as a story in its own (was titled "I
Had To Have This Boy"), with a beginning and an end, but I received many
requests for more about these characters. The original story was told
from the point of view of the girl, but the remainder is all third person
from the point of view of several people. The timeline is not
straightforward, as most of the book is in flashbacks. The flashbacks
eventually catch up to the point in time when the beginning chapter takes
place so the reader can understand the first scene and its characters
better. Also, please be warned that the whole novel is over 500k!
It is not exotic, nor is it more sex than story. Actually as it
gets going it's about 1 part sex 10 parts story. There is a lot of
"believable" stuff in this story, (*lots* of conversations, thoughts,
slang, non-sexual fantasies, etc.) enough that it may bore some or add an
element of real life to others. So if you're looking for 99% sex, look
elsewhere :-). You've been warned. By the way, comments are appreciated.
The following story is fictitious.
It contains consenting sex between minors.
So if that offends you don't read it.
FIRST LOVE
a story
PREFACE
The cold air stung my lungs as I glanced over at Matt. It was so cold his
breath was frosty in the air. He looked at me and quickly glanced away.
I was extremely drunk. I had just broken up with my long-term
boyfriend earlier in the week, the boy who had taken my virginity. I had
vowed to get completely smashed this weekend. Now here I was, being
escorted home by a freshman 'cause my friends didn't want me walking home
alone. I had been crying, so drunk at the party, I had insisted on going
home NOW and so they grabbed Matt and told him to walk me home because
everybody else was either too drunk to drive or busy getting on somebody.
My heart raced when our eyes had briefly met. I knew this boy
had a crush on me, and it drove me wild. I had wanted to say, "Awwh" all
year, whenever he had come up with a lame excuse to talk to me, to stand
by me, whenever it seemed he had gathered the courage to utter a word to
me. It made my stomach flutter when he stammered mid-sentence as he
tried desperately to find something to say next.
I remember the time his buddies grabbed me at lunch, yelling,
"Hey Matt, it's your girl! It's your girl!" What could I do but look
away, pretending I didn't hear as he told them to shut up, red faced. I
felt bad for him, the way his buddies teased him. From what I had seen
he didn't stand up to them enough. Well, maybe he was rather immature,
even for a freshman.
But right then I was so drunk, I nearly tripped over the curb as
I stepped over it. I wanted to say something to him, but the silence was
deafening. I started crying again, saying how I hated my ex-boyfriend
and how my life sucked.
"Oh, come on," Matt said. "Maybe you're better off without him."
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah. Yeah, you deserve better."
"Thanks. You're so nice Matt!" I exclaimed, fawning (my usual
drunk line: "You're so nice!").
His blue eyes, framed by long lashes, studied my face as we
walked in the moonlight. I knew he knew I was drunk. I wondered what he
was thinking, if he had had some great plan all along to get me into bed
that he never *quite* got a chance at, considering I had always had a
boyfriend since he had known me. Maybe some plan that he was always
altering here and there, while he never gave up. I wondered if he was
thinking it was now his big chance.
I leaned on him suddenly, wrapping my arms around him while I
sobbed into his shoulder, "Matt, you're so nice. . . "
He awkwardly put his arm around me, whispering, "Don't cry," to
me as we tried to continue walking while I was nearly backward, my arms
still around him as I clung to him desperately. I continued crying until
we reached my house.
He stood awkwardly on my doorstep as I tried to unlock the door
and undo the security system at the same time. I'm sure he didn't know
what to do, if he should listen to his common sense that was telling him
I would laugh at him hysterically and tell him to get lost if he asked to
come in, or whether to go with his primal urges and stay around. I
wondered if he could ignore the bulge I had felt in his pants as I had
clung to him, my seventeen year-old body pressing against his. I
wondered if I could ignore it.
The door swung open, into the pitch black house.
"Come in with me," I pleaded, grabbing his hands as my eyes tried
to focus. "I'm scared--it's all dark," my voice croaked.
"Okay," he whispered, staring at my hand as I grabbed his
clumsily and pulled him in. The door closed behind us and we were
emerged in darkness.
I pulled him toward my bedroom. I could hear his rapid breathing
over the soft sounds of his tennis shoes on the hall carpet. Thank God,
my parents were out of town that weekend.
"See if anybody's in there," I ordered, pushing him into my room
as I hung back in the hallway, still crying.
"I'm sure there's nobody in. . . " he started to protest.
"Just do it," I whined.
He reached in and turned on my light. No one in there.
He glanced around my room, taking in everything instantly: from
the box on my floor filled with picture frames and miscellaneous junk
left over from my relationship with Ryan, to my stuffed animals on the
shelf, and finally to my double bed with the soft pillows and down
comforter. His eyes stopped dead at the bed, and he swallowed. I
wondered if he'd fantasized about my bed before, me sleeping in it,
himself being in it, maybe about making love to me under its covers.
I walked past him into the room and switched on the bed side
lamp. I sat on the bed and put my head in my hands. God, I was drunk.
I don't know how long I sat like that as Matt stared at me, but
finally I heard his low voice stammer,
"Um, um, do you want me to leave?"
My eyes refused to focus as I looked at him standing in the doorway.
"Wait, comere. . . " I said to him. He walked over to me
slowly, swallowing. He sat on the bed next to me. He was so nervous.
He rubbed his palms on his thighs--was he sweating? He was such a quiet
guy; I wondered what he was thinking. . .
"Are you gonna go back to Dana's?" (Dana was my best friend
whose house the party at been at; Matt was friends with her little
brother Mike, which was how he got to a senior party in the first place).
"I dunno," he said. "Mike was getting with some girl earlier and
I'm not sure he wants me to still spend the night. I might just go home,
it's not that far."
"But it's so cold!" I exclaimed, looking at him like he was the
bravest guy in the world.
"Oh," he said shyly, smiling down at his hands, which were in his
lap, conveniently hiding the bulge from me.
I stood up suddenly, and he immediately stood up too. I walked
around to the end of my bed, where I paused, not remembering what I was
looking for or where I had been going. He followed me and stood closely
next to me as I began laughing drunkenly, incoherently exclaiming about
how funny it was that I didn't know what I had been going to get.
He smiled at me, still studying my face with his huge blue eyes.
I grabbed his jacket and laughed hysterically into his shoulder. I put
my arms around him and snuggled close to him. It felt so good to be
held. I could feel his heart pounding.
My arms still around him, I drew back and smiled at him. My
smile faded, and his eyes grew panicky as I just looked at him. I rose
up on my tip toes and kissed him gently on the mouth. He sucked in air
rapidly; God, I thought the boy was going to hyperventilate. I didn't
pull back though, and he began to kiss me back. I opened my mouth and
slipped my tongue in to touch his. My arms wrapped tightly around his
broad shoulders while we kept kissing. His hands slid down my back,
bravely resting on my ass.
My insides were quivering. I wanted him, but should I? I pulled
away again, and slid my hands down his hard chest as he stared at me.
"Matt," I whispered. "Have you ever made love before?"
He gulped again, and shook his head, not looking me in the eye,
as he hung his head. Oh, I thought, he's embarrassed about his
virginity! My heart swelled. I began kissing him again, his neck and
his ear while he breathed out in a rush.
"Make love to me tonight," I pleaded in a whisper. "Matt, please
make love to me."
"Yes," he whispered back. "Oh God, yes."
I kissed him again, then began slowly undressing him, unbuttoning
his shirt and pulling it off while I kissed the soft white skin of his
chest. My tongue licked his hard nipple.
We lay on the bed and kissed. Eager, and probably not knowing
exactly what he was supposed to do, he practically tried to enter me
before we were even completely undressed.
"No, no," I said gently. "Not yet. . . Not that yet."
I gently pushed him off me, and got him on his back. First I
kissed his mouth, and his ears, and his neck. I licked both his nipples,
and lay my head down on his muscular chest as it heaved up and down
rapidly. Kneeling next to him on the bed while I leaned over him, he
stared up at me, touching my face softly, and I returned his stare. My
fingers lightly ran over his ribs, and I kissed each one.
Slowly moving south, teasing, I stuck my tongue in his belly
button and he groaned, knowing I'm sure the direction I was headed in and
what I was after. I kissed the baby fine hairs below his navel. They
ran in a streak down into his jeans. My lips traveled all over his
stomach, and his hips. I finished unbuttoning his jeans, and he lifted
up so I could pull them off. His hard cock, juices dripping out, stuck
out of the hole of his wet underwear. Odd thought, I wondered if his
mother folded her son's underwear. I wondered what she would think if
she could see him now. . .
I crawled between his spread thighs. He was positively shaking,
his hands fumbling about on the bed by his sides. He *is* inexperienced,
I thought. I crawled back up, supporting myself above him, and kissed
him again.
"It's okay," I whispered as I looked into his eyes. "Yeah?"
He nodded.
I touched his face lightly, and smiled at him in the dim light.
I smoothed his hair back on his forehead while he swallowed. I kissed
him again. He touched my hair too, and nodded again, reassuring me. I
went back down.
His underwear off completely, I began teasing him as his
breathing became even more coarse and rapid. I began licking his thighs,
and then kissing his pubic hair as his cock rubbed in my long hair. He
stared at me, his eyes glassy. I kept massaging his thighs and running
my tongue through his pubic hair. He groaned. I knew I was driving him
crazy. I looked up at him; our eyes locked.
"Please," he whispered hoarsely, begging me for more.
I continued kissing his thighs, then moved my head up and let my
tongue slightly touch his warm balls. He gasped, his hips jerking up. I
swallowed one of his balls while he moaned, "Oh my God. . . " I slid my
tongue up the length of his long hard dick. I swirled it around, and
slid it back down to his heavy balls. I gently took one into my mouth
and sucked it a little. I played with his balls with my mouth, my lips
around them, licking them in the sack. Then I tongued the underside of
his dick's head, and he groaned. I licked it up and down. All the while
he was whimpering like a baby.
I finally took the swollen head into my mouth and sucked it,
hard. He cried out. I rubbed his shaft with my hands while his hands
gripped my head, his fingers running through my hair. I took the whole
thing into my mouth and began pumping, sucking his dick rapidly.
His hips began slowly rocking, bucking to meet my mouth
instinctively. I glanced up at him without letting go of my prize. His
head was thrown back on the pillow, his eyes closed and his mouth open.
His hip thrusts became faster, sticking his cock into my throat and
nearly gagging me while he gripped my head. My God, I thought, he's
fucking my mouth. His whimpering became louder and he started to yell
while I sucked faster, as fast as I could.
"OhmyGod, ohmyGod," he yelled, as his whole body stiffened.
"Jen!" he gasped faintly as his sperm exploded into my mouth and down my
throat. His hips were lifted off the bed completely as he tried
desperately to get as deep as he could. He came so much I couldn't
handle it all and it seeped out of the corners of my mouth.
"Yeah, baby, yeah!" he grunted. With one final "Unngghh!" he
collapsed on the bed and tried to catch his breath. I looked up at him
from between his sweaty thighs and saw his facial expression.
Oh God, I thought, he's in heaven.
I licked the rest of Matt's cum off of his dick. I wondered if
he would leave now that he had cum. I hoped he wouldn't. He liked me, I
knew that, but I didn't know how much. Or what it meant to him. Maybe
he just thought I was pretty or something.
I crawled up to him and laid next to him. I put my head on his
chest and hugged him while he stroked my hair. I kissed his pecs and
rubbed his shoulders. I held him to me for awhile, then I lay on my back
and looked up at the ceiling. I wondered what he would do.
He looked over at me first, then leaned over and kissed me. He
began kissing my neck and fondling my breasts. He was too rough at
first, squeezing my nipples and kneading my tits, pinching them,
fascinated with the new toys I had presented him with. I gasped in pain
and he looked pleased, probably thinking I was in pleasure. The darling
boy was so eager to please. I pushed his hands away and he looked at me,
questioningly.
"No, you're being too rough," I said. I looked down at myself.
"Don't you think I have pretty breasts?"
"Yeah. . . " he said.
"Don't you want to kiss them?" I asked.
Matt looked down at my body. He started by gently tonguing my
nipples and kissing my chest all over, then began sucking on them. His
hand explored my cunt, and he inserted a couple of fingers in, exclaiming
how wet I was. I gasped aloud and moaned when his tough fingers found my
clitoris, and he quickly looked up in surprise.
"Do you like that?" he asked in delight.
"Oh Matt, yes," I moaned.
"Here?" he asked, curious, rubbing my clit.
"Yeah, right there oh God don't stop!"
Happy where he was, he continued sucking my breasts and finger
fucking me while his thumb rolled over my clit. Spreading my legs apart,
I gently pushed him lower. I lifted one knee up. He stared at me, maybe
nervous about being inexperienced. But he set his mind up to go for it.
His hard cock stuck out like a pole from his belly as he repositioned
himself between my legs.
I gasped in pleasure as his wet mouth attached itself to my
quivering cunt. His tongue slipped in to my vagina and explored my
insides. Armed with his new information, he didn't neglect my clitoris,
but instead worshipped it with his tongue and lips. I kept encouraging
him with groans and yelps and words.
"Oh Matt, honey!" I groaned. "God, Matty, don't stop! Don't
stop!" It's not like I was in any danger of his going anywhere; he was
glued between my open thighs, happily eating his first pussy.
He kept sucking and sucking me and pretty soon the room began to
spin. "Ohhh, I'm cumming I'm cumming!" I shrieked while every nerve in
my body danced. I shook all over and grabbed his head and pushed it into
me. He looked a little alarmed, but extremely pleased with himself,
which drove me crazy.
My heart rate, pounding in my ears, slowed as my orgasm
subsided. He continued eating me, making me horny again. Besides, I'm
insatiable when I'm drunk.
I noticed he was absentmindedly stroking his virgin dick while
his tongue plunged into my cunt. I motioned for him to move up. He
scrambled up next to me and began kissing me. I spread my legs apart and
whispered in his ear, "Matt, put it in me. . . "
He was on top of me in a flash, after all, from what I knew about
guys, *this* is what he had been waiting for for fifteen years. *This*
is what he thought of constantly, what every other guy talked about
constantly. Heaven awaited him between my spread thighs.
With one arm supporting him, the other gripped the head of his
swollen cock which he aimed at my dripping box. He searched for the
entrance, then eased in the head. He then shoved the entire length in
while we both gasped in pleasure. He lay on top of me, and thrust his
dick in deeper, banging against my cervix while I cried out in pain. My
sweaty thighs gripping his hips, he pumped a few times more, but he was
too excited. In his innocence and extreme excitement he pulled out
completely and got off center.
"Oh God I'm cumming," he gasped into my ear.
"Cum, Matt, cum!" I whispered back, my head spinning.
His hands supporting him while I cradled his head on my
shoulders. He frantically tried to get it back into me but failed and
shot his hot cum all over my thighs. His voice wavered as he let out a
cry, and completely withdrawn out of me, he desperately began humping my
slippery thighs and pubic mound.
He collapsed onto me. I held him in my arms and began kissing
him. He pulled away, and didn't look me in the eye as he whispered, "I'm
sorry," and looked down between us at the mess. "I know, I came too
soon," he said sadly, "I'm sorry. . . "
My stomach leapt to my throat as I thought of how sensitive he
was being of me and my needs, how desperate to please me he was. The
thought of him being upset by his perceived lack of a "good" performance
made me want to cry. I grabbed his face and made him look at me.
"No, don't be sorry," I said. "It was wonderful; I loved it."
It was the truth.
He gave me a shy smile and looked again at the sticky mess that
we were encased in. He rolled off me and lay on his back staring at the
ceiling, still smiling embarassedly. I told him not to worry about it
and grabbed some Kleenex and cleaned us off.
"See?" I said. "All gone!"
I snuggled up close to him underneath the covers. We kissed and
rubbed each other and giggled. We lay on our sides facing each other,
our hips pressing together.
His dick soon stiffened again, poking against me. He grinned at
me, then rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of him. I spread my
legs and guided it in. I lay on him at first, my breasts pinned against
his chest, and fucked him hard. His body was so hard, unbelievable built
for a freshman.
The I sat up and rode him while he lay back with a huge smile on
his face, fondling my tits. I couldn't believe how much pleasure I was
experiencing with this boy.
I crawled off of him and lay on my side with my back to his
chest. I pulled his glistening dick between my legs. Our hands met down
there as both of us together put his long dick into my cunt. He began
thrusting into me rapidly from behind, grunting his approval. I led his
hands to my clit which he played with, his dick in me all the way. He
got me onto all fours and continued fucking me.
"Oh, doggy style, huh?" I laughed, at his initiative. "You like
doggy style!"
"Hell yeah," he grunted at me. I banged him backwards, meeting
each of his thrusts and drowning in pleasure. He massaged my ass,
gripping my hips and then reaching down with one hand for my clit, his
new best friend. I shrieked in pleasure from his fingers manipulating my
clit like that. He was a quick learner, that's for certain. He leaned
over me, his chest pressed into my back while his arms supported him next
to mine. His large hands covered my small ones on the bed, while he kept
thrusting his slippery dick into me. He breathed and groaned in my ear.
I groaned back, and kept telling him how great he was.
I sat up suddenly, knocking him back into a sitting position on
his knees. "Sit, sit," I told him.
I sat on him like that, my ass grinding into his groin while my
thighs straddled his. He clasped me to him, and held my breasts with one
hand while the other went between my legs. I fondled his balls between
my thighs and he played with my clit. My head lolled backward on his
shoulder as I moaned, and I twisted around and we kissed.
"I'm gonna cum again," he groaned.
"No," I ordered playfully. "You're not allowed! Matty, you're
not *allowed* to come yet!"
"Awright, but I'm gonna if you don't hold still," he warned.
I stopped moving and held still. He didn't move a muscle, and in
fact he was holding his breath. I'm almost started to laugh, but he was
gripping my body so tightly I could barely breathe myself. He let his
breath out, and said okay.
I returned to rocking him back and forth. It was too much for
me, his fingers pressed into my clit and rubbing it around, plus his hard
dick lodged into me, all made me cum again.
"Ohhh, Ohhh! Yes!" I breathed. "I'm cumming, Matt you're making
me cum again you fucker! OooOOOOooh!"
"No, you're not allowed, not allowed to at all!" he joked.
My world went white, my body exploding in pleasure as I laughed.
The combination of the two, laughing hysterically and cumming at the same
time, was unbelievable. I ground my hips into him violently, trying to
milk every ounce of pleasure out of it that I could. He groaned loudly
as my vagina spasmed several times, clenching his dick tightly. I
breathed hard, spent.
Exhausted, and teasing a little, I got off him and fell on my
back on the bed, covering my eyes with my forearm and crossing my legs at
the ankles.
"That was great Matty, really great. . . " I murmured, moving my
arm a little so I could see him. Matt still sat on the end of the bed,
his swollen dick pulsating up and down, still needing me desperately.
The look on his face was partial panic, not knowing whether I was done
with him or not, and partial amusement, knowing I was teasing him.
I removed my arm completely and, raising my knees up, smiled at
him. "Comere!" I said, holding my arms out to my boy. "Comere. . . "
He was in me again quickly, this time with my raised legs over
his shoulders. We kissed passionately, our wet mouths open and our
tongues prying in and intertwining, while his hips bucked, his cock in me
so deep. He thrust again and again.
Soon, his breathing became even more rapid and he cried out as he
shot jets of his sperm into me. He groaned and kept thrusting faster and
faster, gasping, then eventually slower, and slower, until finally he
fell out and we just lay holding each other, spent.
He kissed me. "I love you," he whispered, his eyes shining.
I was much wiser than Matt, older and wiser and perhaps knew a
lot more about love than him. But, at that moment, held tightly in his
arms, I loved him too, desperately. I had to. "I love you too. . . " I
told him.
Matt grinned at me and kissed me again.
FIRST LOVE
Chapter 1
Matt walked in through the front door of his house, relieved to
find his parents gone. His little sisters sat in the living room
watching cartoons, still in their pajamas. Tired, and happier than he
could ever remember being, he went up to his bedroom and lay on his bed,
still in the clothes he had worn yesterday to school.
Yesterday seemed so long ago. Laying on his stomach, he tried to
remember last night. He tried to remember what it felt like, his dick in
her, her mouth around it. His dick throbbed against the bed. He closed
his eyes and smiled. He had made her cum. She had told him to come over
tonight too. He wanted her so bad, not just to have sex with, but really
wanted her. He needed her.
He thought about her constantly, had from the first moment he had
laid eyes on her. She wasn't with Ryan anymore. She had told him she
hated him. He had also seen it in her eyes last night when Ryan came
over to the party, trying to convince her to come back to him. She threw
his ring away. She flushed it down the toilet in front of everyone.
Could this really be happening? Was she finally his? he wondered
sleepily, still smiling.
He woke up that afternoon around three, sweaty around his collar,
the sun pouring into his room. The phone--the phone was ringing. Why
wasn't anybody answering it? he thought in annoyance, then, What if it
was Jen? He leapt out of his bed and went running into his parents'
room. The machine in the kitchen had already gone on by the time he had
picked it up. "Hold on a second," he said, waiting for the announcement
to finish. He heard his friend Erik's voice.
The machine went off and he repeated, "Hello?"
"What's up?" said Erik.
"Nuthin'," answered Matt, disappointed that it wasn't her.
"What are you doin'?"
"Nuthin'!"
"Oh."
"What are you doing?" Matt asked.
"Oh--nuthin'," he answered. "Just ate lunch."
"So, what did you do last night?" Matt asked, feeling superior.
He knew Erik's night couldn't have topped his.
"Oh, nuthin' much. Was going to go to some party I heard about
but my parents wouldn't let me go out y' know."
"Suck."
"Yeah. Cuffy and Rick--you know Rick Jackson, from PE? Anyway,
they came over and we watched some porno. It was theirs," he added.
Matt laughed, feeling extremely superior. He laughed again.
"Shut up dude," said Erik, annoyed. "Like you're so much better."
"Maybe I am," Matt replied, matter-of-factly. He felt a twinge
of regret in his heart after he said that, for he knew he was going to
tell, and he knew she might not like that. She hadn't said he *couldn't*
tell anybody though.
"Oh yeah right," replied Erik haughtily. "You ain't never had a
girl or nuthin."
Matt paused, for effect.
"Fuck you," said Erik, noting the pause and what it was supposed
to insinuate.
"I got laid last night," said Matt.
"Fuckin' liar. You did not."
"I did too."
"You fuckin' liar! Who, then?"
"She's a senior."
"Oh you fuckin liar!" Erik repeated again. "What the hell kinda
crack are you on?"
"I swear!" Matt laughed.
"What's her name then? I bet she's a hella dog."
"No way, she's fine as hell. You know Jen Halleran? The one
with the long brown hair?"
"Oh, you're such a liar. The one you love. I *don't* think so Matt."
"Fine, don't believe me. I don't care."
"Sure. Where did you do it then?" Erik asked.
"Her house. Her *bed*." he answered.
"Man. Was that at that party last night?" Erik demanded,
starting to believe Matt.
"Yeah. Well, after."
"My fuckin' parents. God, I'm gonna kill them!" snorted Erik, pissed.
"Yeah. . . " Matt laughed. "Well, it's not like you would've
gotten any anyway."
"Fuck you. What the hell happened? I thought she had some
boyfriend? Mike said they were hella serious."
"They broke up. He's a total dick you know."
"So what happened?" Erik demanded.
"She was really upset, you know, cause her ex-boyfriend came to
the party and he was all trying to get back with her and stuff. But
anyway, I walked her home and she hella wanted it."
"You fucker," said the jealous Erik.
"She liked pulled me inside and she's like, 'Matt, Matt, make
love to me!'" he said, getting in to the story. "She's like, 'Oh Matt, I
want your cock, I want your cock!'"
"Bullshit. Did she suck it?"
"Hell yeah she did. Oh my *God*. . . " he groaned, remembering.
"It was great?" asked Erik.
"Oh my God!" he repeated. "It was awesome. Then I fucked her twice."
"Twice? God I hate you. You're such a fucker. You're lying I
know it," insisted Erik.
"I'm not! I'm dead serious. I'm goin' over there again tonight
too. I guess I'll get me some more."
"Can I come?"
"You wish! Get your own."
"Man. Goddamn."
"Don't tell anyone or I'll kick your ass."
Erik just laughed.
"I mean it!" Matt said. "Or I'll make sure you never get any."
"Oh, like what? Now that you've gotten some you're the King of
All Pussy? Fuck you."
"No, just don't? Come on, promise you'll keep it a secret."
"Awright. I promise," Erik gave in, not being especially sincere
although Matt didn't pick up on that.
"Well, I gotta go. Gotta take a shower. *Really* gotta take a shower."
"You're dirty," sniffed Erik.
"Gladly, when it's dirty like this," laughed Matt.
"Oh, yeah well, later. . . "
"Later. . . "
Both hung up.
*****
In the shower his dick stood up straight, hard as he stood under
the spray of hot water. He closed his eyes and thought about tonight.
He was sure she wanted him the way she had last night. She had been
drunk though, a little voice in his head said. But this morning, this
morning she wasn't drunk anymore.
He had woken up before her, his arms around her and her head
resting on his naked chest. He had known it wasn't a dream then. He had
wanted to stay, stay and hold her and make love to her again. But he was
scared his mom was going to call Mike's and ask to speak with him, maybe
even go over there to pick him up. If he wasn't there he'd have been
dead. What if his mom found out where he was and showed up? That would
have been a nightmare.
So, he left her to go home, and she'd protested, wanting to know
where he was going. He'd thought she looked sad that he was leaving
her. He felt a chill run through him at the thought. Then when he was
hurriedly getting dressed she had told him she wanted him to come over
again that night. He'd promised he would, his heart leaping for joy.
More than anything, he just wanted to be with her. He wanted to
hold her in his arms and talk with her, about anything. He wished he was
still with her, damn he wished he had a car. He could have stayed longer
if he hadn't been scared about his mom showing up. He wished he had a
license at that.
He looked down at his dick, still pulsating. He washed it,
soaping it up. He thought about tonight, closing his eyes. He rubbed it
up and down. Thoughts flew at him as his body racked with waves of
pleasure: Save it for tonight, you don't need to do that anymore, then,
you can't show up with a hardon. . .
Matt gripped the bar on the shower door as his sperm shot out
onto the tile wall in front of him.
*****
Matt's mom walked into the kitchen, turning on the light to see
through the dusk. She called for someone to help her with the
groceries. She heard the TV on. Her husband had a softball game. Her
daughters scampered through the house, still at the age where chores were
fun. She started putting away the groceries she had brought in already,
pausing to check the answering machine. The light was blinking. She
pressed play, and was surprised at how long it rewound while she put the
vegetables away. She listened in amusement for a second. After awhile
she turned pale.
Chapter 2
Matt walked over to her house in the dusk, smelling of his dad's
cologne. He was so happy. He wondered if people looking at him could
tell he wasn't a virgin.
He thought about that night. He could just imagine what would
happen. . .
He would walk in and give her a kiss (damn why didn't he get her
some flowers? He'd look for a nice one to steal on the rest of the way).
"Hi honey," she'd say.
"Hi sweetheart," he'd answer. Maybe they'd make dinner
together? He was really hungry. He knew her parents were out of town a
lot, Mike had told him. Mike knew a lot about her, since her best friend
was his sister. She was a really good cook he'd heard.
Then maybe they'd do it. Maybe they'd go to a movie after, or
before actually. He had $20 in his wallet. He felt embarrassed that
she'd have to drive. But, it couldn't be helped.
He turned into her circular driveway. Right away, he knew
something was amiss. Dana's black Honda Accord was there. He thought he
could hear music.
Dammit, he thought. What's Dana doing here? Slowly, he walked
up to her doorstep. Maybe she's about to leave. He wanted to be alone
with her, without Dana. He rang the bell. It seemed so strange that he
had been there less than 24 hours ago.
His heart leapt to his throat as the doorknob rattled, the door
flying open. Dana stood there. She looked him up and down, he swore she
did. They were best friends, of course she knew what they'd done. Girls
told each other everything.
"Hi Matt," she said.
"Hi," he mumbled.
Dana opened her mouth to say something then closed it. She just
looked at him.
"Is she here?" he asked finally.
"Uh, yeah. Come in," she said, stepping aside to let him in.
He followed Dana down the hall to her bedroom. Jen was making
her bed he guessed, she had a pillow under her chin and was putting the
pillowcase on.
Jen looked beautiful. Matt fought off the desire to jump on her
right then. Her hair, freshly washed, shined in the light as it hung
down her back. She wore a white t-shirt and cutoff blue jeans,
unraveling at the ends. Her legs were so tan. She looked over at him
for a second, her eyes cool, no emotion, then turned away, facing the
sliding glass door that revealed all their reflections.
"Hey, will you help me with this?" she asked, sounding a little
annoyed, stretching the clean sheets across the bed. He realized the
sheets must have been really dirty, but an unreasonable part of him was
slightly insulted that she washed them, like she was washing him away
maybe. He pushed those thoughts aside as he stared at her ass when she
bent over, not quite believing that he'd touched it the night before.
He jumped and said, "Who, me?" It was pointless, his words just
hung in the air; Dana had already started helping her make the bed.
Matt got that familiar sick feeling in his gut. He felt so
isolated from them. Then he felt angry at himself. She didn't want him
there, he could feel it. She hadn't even said hi to him. He desperately
wanted to leave right then, wanted to run away and hide in his bed. But
yet she hadn't done anything mean to him, just hadn't done what he
thought she'd do. He hated her for an instant. Then he felt ashamed.
Dana was giving her a look from across the bed, he thought. He
couldn't tell what it meant, except possibly, "Well? Aren't you going to
acknowledge Matt?" He couldn't see Jen's eyes, her reaction, but he felt
vibes (was he paranoid?) that were negative toward him, like she was
rolling her eyes, laughing at him.
Matt still stood there, wanting to cry, hating his reflection in
the glass. His hair was gelled. God, I must look like a dork, he
thought, his vision blurring as he stared at his shoes.
Dana moved, and she left, giving him a slight smile as she walked
out of the room. She even closed the door. It was just them.
She still stood with her back to him, no longer making the bed.
"Hi," he began. His voice sounded too high. He sounded like a
frickin' girl he thought.
She scratched her head, then ran her fingers through her long
hair. She turned around, and she smiled at him, a genuine, warm smile.
His heart leapt, it was okay! He walked toward her. He kissed
her, on the cheek though, and hugged her. She didn't hug him back.
"Hi," he said again. He grinned at her. She sat down on the bed.
He heard Dana's car. They were alone. He sat next to her, and
pulled her to him, so that her head rested on his shoulder.
"How are you?" he asked.
"Fine," she said.
"Not hungover are you?" he asked, teasing her.
"No, not much. Matt?"
His heart skipped a beat. "Yeah?" he asked.
"You and I need to talk. . . "
No!!! his mind screamed. He let go of her.
"It's about us, you know? What we. . . about last night," she explained.
"Yeah?" he asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.
"You know I was drunk," she started to say, "and I, well, I don't know."
He didn't say anything. His heart broke.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I should have been more responsible."
His head was ringing. Responsible? What was she talking about?
Was she pregnant? No, she wouldn't know already. Besides, Mike had said
she was on the pill. He'd even seen them.
"I just hope that you don't expect anything from this," she continued.
"Why not?" he demanded. Oops, he shouldn't have said that.
She was taken aback. "Well, it's just that Matt, you're just a
baby, like, you, I didn't mean that, no I didn't mean you're a baby like
that," she said quickly. "I mean that it just wouldn't work out," she
stumbled.
His mind reeled as his eyes filled with tears.
"I don't think you're a baby," she repeated, knowing that remark
had gone straight to his heart. "I think you're a great guy! "
"Then why don't you like me?" he asked, sadly. In all truth he
didn't want to know, he wanted to run out of there as fast as he could
and never face her again. But part of him was waiting for her to say
that she *did* like him, that she loved him like she said last night.
"Oh Matt," she said. "I *do* like you--just not like that." She
touched his shoulder.
"Fucking bitch!" he screamed. Actually he didn't say it aloud,
like he wanted to, but in his mind he screamed it just the same. He was
such a goddamn fool. Stupid fool! he yelled at himself. *She hates me
she doesn't love me she doesn't like me she DOESN'T love me. . .* It ran
through his mind over and over *Fucking bitch stupid fool goddamn
fucking bitch stupid fool. . .*
He stood up suddenly and walked out of her room, without saying
anything. She jumped up and followed him, saying, "Matt, wait, comeback.
. . "
She tried to grab his hands as he walked down the hall, trying to
make him see, oh, why couldn't he *see*? He pushed her away, pushed her
groping hands away as tears streamed down his face, tears he was
determined that she wouldn't see.
"Leave me alone. I don't care," he mumbled, pushing her away
from him once and for all. His forearm covered his eyes and wiped the
tears away as he went out into the night. She stood on the doorstep, one
bare foot on top of the other and began to cry as he left her. She ran
back into the house, threw herself on her bed and cried.
Crying himself, Matt walked home in a daze.
*****
Matt's mom had listened to the tape twice, then played it for her
husband. They'd both listened awkwardly, not quite sure what to do or
how to punish him, if they should at all. It was strange, listening to
their son's voice, swearing and saying those things to his friend. He
had no idea that the answering machine that had gone on had never stopped
recording the message.
*"Did she suck it?"* asked the friend.
*"Hell yeah she did. Oh my *God*. . . "* Matt's voice groaned
into the phone. *"Then I fucked her twice. . . "*
They heard the door slam. Matt was back. He walked past the
kitchen and ran upstairs without even looking at them.
His dad looked at his wife, then followed him up the stairs. He
knocked on his door. No answer, then an annoyed and muffled, "What?"
He opened the door. Matt was laying on his bed facing the wall.
"Hi. . . " he began.
Matt didn't respond. His dad knew he was upset, knew something
had gone wrong at the girl's house. He sat down on the corner of his
bed, saying,
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing."
His dad paused. "So, where'd you go?"
"Out."
"Matt, I know where you were."
Matt panicked. Had she called after him? Had she told his
*parents?* How much did they know? He turned around.
His tearstained face startled his dad. He hadn't seen Matt cry
in awhile.
"Matt, we know what happened last night."
"How? What happened?"
"I know that you had sex. . . Matt, I should've talked to you
long ago."
"What? I did not," he lied. God, my life is getting worse
every second, he thought angrily.
"You told Erik--it got recorded on the machine." Matt turned
away again. "I just want to say that your mother and I aren't mad at
you. Just a little surprised, that's all."
Matt wanted to run away right then. My life sucks, it sucks so
much shit, he thought, staring at the wall. He just wanted her, he still
just wanted her. He desperately wanted his dad to disappear.
"Did you use protection?" his dad asked him.
"Dad. . . "
"Well, it's important. I really should have talked to you before
this. Did you?"
"Not exactly. She's on the pill so she won't get pregnant. You
don't have to worry about that."
"You should have used a condom," he said. "Don't you know that?
You could have gotten a disease."
"She doesn't have any diseases!" he said angrily. "She's not
some slut, she's not like that."
"How do you know?"
"Just do. She's only done it with one other guy. Not that it's
any of your business."
"Still. . . " he said, feeling a trifle bad. "I didn't mean to
imply that she was a tramp or anything, it's just that you have to be
careful."
Matt said nothing, still facing away from his dad.
His dad coughed. "So, do you want to tell me about her?"
"No. . . She's just some girl, really dad."
"Your first time was supposed to be special."
It was special, Matt thought to himself bitterly. Screw you what
the hell do you know?
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing!"
"Why are you crying? What just happened? I know you went over
there again. . . "
"Nothing happened."
His dad paused, looking at the back of his son's head. "Do you
like her a lot?" he asked gently.
"Yeah," Matt whispered, trying to fight back tears.
"Does she like you too?"
"No. . . " he whispered after a moment, as he started to cry again.
"Oh Matt," he comforted, patting his back. "You'll get over her,
really. I know that's no consolation right now, but you have to realize
that. . . Also, although it's enjoyable of course," he said awkwardly.
"Sex is much more enjoyable with someone you love; it's much better then."
I do love her! his mind screamed. I love her I love her I love her!
"So, um, just remember that. We can't stop you from having sex.
It's not that we want to prevent you from having a good time, but we just
don't want to see you get hurt. We love you so much you know. You're
hurting right now and that hurts us. And of course, look out for
yourself. You need to know about AIDS and stuff."
He still said nothing. His dad leaned over and hugged him.
In the hall, his dad felt like a royal fool. He remembered
losing his virginity: awkward at first, but a memorable night at 17. He
thanked the lord his dad never found out, it had spared him from hearing
the humiliating talk he'd just had to give his only son. He felt angry
with this girl, a senior, who'd hurt his son this way.
continued. . .
Chapter 3
Matt dreaded Monday. He wanted to see her again, but was scared
she would ridicule him in front of the whole school or tell him she hated
him. What if Erik said something to her? He avoided his friends, Mike
especially. He knew he'd be pressured for more details, and he regretted
saying as much as he had already. His plan was to ignore her completely,
make her think he didn't care. Nothing could be further from the truth.
As it turns out, he needn't have worried about facing her Monday;
she didn't go. They were both on the track team after school. Would she
go at all?
By the end of the day, he was praying she wouldn't. Erik had
told all of their friends. Everyone knew. God, he hated himself for
telling. Why the hell did he have to tell? Knowing his friends, they'd
probably go up to her and ask her if it was true the first chance they
got. She'd hate him then, definitely hate him if she didn't already.
First period Spanish on Tuesday this guy Chad came in and said to
him, "Hey Matt--I just saw your senior girlfriend. So you guys going out
or what?"
Shit, she's here! he thought. "No," he said, exasperated.
"Why not?"
"Shut up. . . "
That's what it was like the rest of the day: people saying shit
like that to him, people looking at him, talking about him. He felt like
a celebrity in a sick way, most guys were jealous, he knew.
He saw her briefly at lunch time, from a distance, going into the
parking lot with Dana and some guy Jake. Erik asked him about Saturday
night, if he'd gotten any more and he had to admit he hadn't. He hadn't
told anybody what happened though. She probably already knows I've told,
he thought. He wished he could just fast forward his life six months, a
year. It'll be over by then he knew, people will have forgotten this by
then.
After school he was unbelievably nervous. He felt like he was
going to throw up. She went to practice. She ignored him completely,
not even a glance in his direction. She hates me, he thought, she
fucking hates me.
He was sitting with a couple of his friends, Terry and Michael,
on the grass at one point. Jen had to go talk to the coach about
something. She had no choice but to walk by him. She's coming this way,
he thought in a panic. Suddenly his hands had a mind of their own,
pulling grass out by the handfuls. His heart raced. Of course his
friends had pointed her out to him when she showed up. They'd said,
"God, Matt, aren't you going to go talk to her?" Now he prayed they
would keep their mouths shut.
Terry saw her coming their way first, and started poking Matt and
laughing. She stared straight ahead and ignored them.
"Aren't you going to talk to Matt?" asked Michael loudly. She
ignored him, she was already talking to the coach, but he knew she must
have heard.
"Shut up!" he told him. "Leave her alone."
He glanced at her. She was still talking the coach. The coach
nodded, then walked past the boys sitting on the grass.
Jen had to walk by them again. Matt wanted to run away as she
started to, but he wasn't about to leave them alone with her.
"Gonna ignore us are you?" asked Michael acidly.
She finally looked at Michael, her eyes wide.
"So, I hear you suck dick."
Her eyes widened even more and she stopped walking. She
swallowed, looking at Matt. She blinked a few times. He just stared at
her, stunned.
She bit her lip, her eyes filled with tears. Matt wanted to
die. "Shut up," he mumbled to him.
Terry was cracking up. "Hey, can I come over? You got a dope
body," he said, looking her up and down. She ignored him, she kept
staring at Matt, her eyes brimming with tears.
"Shut up!" was all Matt could manage. He looked down at his
hands, God, why can't she stop staring at me like that? He looked up
again, meeting her steady gaze. Her eyes suddenly turned hostile, no
longer sad. Her chest heaved up and down. Matt was petrified she was
going to scream, "I HATE YOU!" at the top of her lungs. Instead, she
spun on her heels and walked away.
His friends were busy laughing.
"Fuck you!" he said to them angrily.
"Hey, we were only kidding man," said Terry.
"Fuck you!" Matt yelled. He got his bag from the bench and
left, wanting to kill himself as he peddled furiously home. He thought
how easy it would be to swerve into traffic. He almost did it too, he'd
never hated himself so much.
*****
For the next week they completely avoided each other. Matt still
thought about her constantly of course. His parents, knowing he was
upset, pretty much left him alone. Mike wasn't talking to him though.
He ignored Matt in class. Shit, what did I do? he thought.
The following Monday, he said hi to her. It was a huge deal to
Matt. Any "sighting" or actual confrontation with her was played out
over and over in his mind. She was walking out of the girl's room during
4th period; Matt was going into the boy's room right next to it. She
seemed startled when she saw him and just stared at him. He somehow
found his voice and out came a "Hi." She looked down and mumbled hi back
as she walked away.
The next day after track it happened.
Matt was unlocking his bike behind the school next to the field.
It was pretty much deserted.
He saw them walking toward him out of the corner of his eye. He
only recognized Ryan out of the three of them. Ryan went to a different
school; there was no normal reason he would be here at 6 PM when
everybody was gone. He turned around to face him--them.
They all just looked at him.
"Comere," said Ryan. "I think you and I have to talk." He
grabbed Matt's shoulder roughly. Matt pushed him away out of instinct.
Ryan pushed him back, hard. Matt was scared to death; Ryan was at least
6 ft tall, 18, and had two friends with him. Matt looked around,
desperately searching for someone or any way out.
They dragged him behind the track where there was a dirt jogging
trail. It was dark there practically.
"What? What d'ya want?" he demanded, scared.
"Little fucking punk!" spat Ryan as he pushed him, nearly
knocking him over from the force. "I hear you took advantage of my
girlfriend the other day."
"No, I didn't."
"Don't fucking lie to me asshole!" he said, pushing him again.
Matt panicked, looking around. He suddenly turned and sprinted
away as fast as he could. He didn't get far before he was knocked to the
ground. He felt a blow to the back of his neck and he felt dizzy.
He tried to get up but was pinned to the ground. He wrestled
with Ryan, who was on top of him, maneuvering around onto his back. Ryan
knelt over him, kneeing him in the groin. Matt's lower body exploded in
pain and he groaned. Ryan hit him, hitting him in the mouth, then the nose.
"Fucking bastard! What the hell is the matter with you? Think I
wouldn't find out?" He hit him again, harder. Matt yelped, and Ryan hit
him again in the face.
"Mutherfucker! Jen doesn't love you--she would never even like
you faggot! She loves me so forget it! She's my girlfriend! Goddamn
faggot punk!" he spat.
He hit him over and over, yelling at him and insulting him. Matt
saw the hatred, pure evil hatred in Ryan's eyes as he knelt over him, saw
it between blows. He stopped trying to kick him and get up and just took
it, taking the blows one after another. His head ached, pinned to the
dirt ground covered with leaves and sticks, as the tears rolled down his
face. He wished the tears would stop, he wasn't crying really.
Ryan was crazy. He kept hitting him, harder it seemed with each
blow. Matt squeezed his eyes shut, trying to black out. He had no clue
how long he laid there as Ryan continued to beat him.
One of the other guys kicked him in the ribs, seething, "What
kinda asshole takes advantage of a girl when she's drunk? You're fucking
scum!" He kicked him again.
Ryan was still hitting him, shouting that she hated Matt. "She
hates you little goddamn rapist pig! You're trash you're dead!" He hit
him again in the face one final time, then crawled off him, staggering
up. Ryan put his forearm over his eyes and sobbed.
Matt just lay there bleeding, with his eyes closed, praying they
didn't have a gun. One of the guys dragged him to his feet, and he
nearly fell down again. One held his shoulder to steady him, and Matt
felt gratitude prematurely as the other guy punched him in the stomach.
Matt doubled over but stayed on his feet thanks to the guy who held him
up by his shoulder.
Ryan, still crying, looked over at them from where he stood,
leaning against the fence. The guy punched him in the ribs a few more
times. One of the guys had Matt's arm twisted behind his back.
"I'll break his fucking arm Ryan," he said as Matt let out a wail
of pain. Ryan just shook his head, his eyes meeting Matt's. Ryan was
the quarterback, the varsity one for his school, and Matt was the JV one
for his. Was that why?
He listened to him, and released his hold on him. Matt felt much
gratitude toward Ryan, even under the circumstances. He couldn't believe
Ryan was still crying, that he'd cried at all.
Ryan just started walking away, not even waiting for his
friends. One of the guys pushed Matt down again and kicked him in the
groin, then the ribs again as he winced.
"You tell anyone about this faggot rapist and you're dead. I'll
do more than break your arm asshole," one said to him.
They left him there in the dirt, barely conscious and crying,
wishing they had killed him.
Chapter 4
Matt finally made it home around 7 PM. His mother was frantic.
All he wanted was to just take a bath and crawl into bed. As soon as she
saw him, his face swollen and covered with blood and dirt, his shirt
ripped and equally dirty, she just gasped and covered her mouth with her
hand. She took him in her arms, crying, "What happened? Who did this to
you?"
Matt refused to tell her, finally just refusing to answer her
questions at all. He burst into tears though when his mom mentioned
Jen's name.
His mother was furious. She knew that somehow that girl had
caused this damage to her son. She threatened to call the police, but
Matt freaked out at that. She wanted to talk to the girl. Matt wouldn't
give her her phone number. She looked her up in the school directory,
and upon finding her address she stormed over there, dragging a
protesting and crying Matt with her. He couldn't face her, but he wasn't
about to leave his mom alone with her.
Some girl (wasn't her name Melissa? Matt wondered) answered the
door, staring at him. She said Jen was in the pool. Now? he wondered.
She led them out to the backyard. There were two more people
there, plus there was a guy in the pool with her. He saw them coming and
stared at them, while she was still underwater. Matt stared at her white
silhouette as she raced underwater, diving for something apparently. The
pool was lit. The guy called her name right as she came up, gasping for
air and laughing as she threw a penny at the guy. He said something to
her and she turned to look at them, both standing by the pool on the wet
concrete.
Her smile faded as she stared at Matt. He couldn't meet her
gaze. He was petrified besides, of what was going to come of this. Was
Ryan really going to kill him? He hated him, that's for sure. She
slowly came to the pool's edge, her eyes glued on Matt. She climbed out
of the pool, her hip dragging along the concrete edge, sliding one side
of her bikini bottom down.
Matt felt ashamed as he stared at her, at her body. It was so
perfect. He flushed in the cool night air as his dick stiffened up a
little. She just kept staring at him, walking toward him. She stood in
front of him, and her hand went to her mouth the same way his mom's had.
Her eyes filled with tears and her face crumpled up as she looked at him.
Matt's face was completely swollen. His eyes were nearly swelled
shut, both a dark purple color. Dried blood trickled from his nose, his
left eyebrow, one ear, his mouth, and one eye. The blood vessels in that
eye had been damaged so much the white of the eye was a crimson color.
His neck was bruised and the rest of him was covered with blood as well.
His head ached. His lips felt huge, swollen and clumsy.
His mother was taken aback by the girl's reaction to her son's
appearance. She had thought that she had something to do with it but now
realized she hadn't.
Matt just looked down, he couldn't meet her pitying look
anymore. He stared at her breasts, remembering when he had kissed them
and. . .
"Ryan did this to you?" she whispered, one wet hand reaching for
Matt's shoulder. Matt said nothing, his mind spinning from her touch.
She asked again, but wasn't really asking, "Did Ryan do this to you?"
Somehow, they all went inside. She got into a terry cloth robe.
She kept crying and finally sobbed over and over about how it was all her
fault.
"No, it's not," Matt insisted.
His mom got angry then. "Did you have him do this to my son?
How could you do this?" she screamed.
That guy who had been in the pool with her (Matt didn't know him
but had hated him instantly) got mad at his mom, defending her. "Don't
accuse her of that! She didn't do anything."
"Well, it seems to me she did plenty!" his mom shot back.
"Oh yeah well, maybe if he'd kept his mouth shut Ryan never
would've hear about it in the first place."
"Does that make it okay?" she demanded.
"No, but he still would've been a lot better off if hadn't gone
bragging to everyone about what they did!" he pointed out.
Still dripping wet, Jen led Matt out of the kitchen and into her
room. She didn't want to hear anymore of this, she just needed to be
away from all of it. She felt so bad for him. It was her fault. His
mom didn't even notice they'd left, not facing them.
"Well, how do you know she didn't tell the guy?" she asked.
"Oh, like she even talks to Ryan anymore!"
"I'm going to call the police. First of all, she completely took
advantage of him and he's a minor. Doesn't she know there are laws
against that?"
"Oh yeah well so's she. He's 15 right? And she's 17. Last I
checked that makes *him* a rapist."
His mom didn't answer him. Instead, she noticed they were gone.
"Where'd they go?" she demanded.
"Leave them alone. They need to talk." said Melissa.
*****
She led him into her bathroom. He couldn't believe he was
actually here with her. Was she still mad at him? Did she hate him?
Ryan had said so. Maybe they had gotten back together. . .
Sitting him down on the toilet, she went to work on him. She
cleaned his face with a warm face cloth, washing off the blood and dirt.
He just stared at her, shaking from her touch. He couldn't think of
anything to say at all, only winced when she started putting antiseptic
on his cuts.
"It's gonna hurt a little. . . " she said, dabbing his eyebrow
with cotton as he winced in pain. She held his face in her hands, his
eyes staring up at her. She felt an overwhelming desire to kiss him,
then angered at herself for thinking it. All the while she fought back
more tears as she looked at his miserable appearance.
She looked at him for a second, looked at his filthy t-shirt.
She disappeared for a second while he looked around at her bathroom. It
was very neat. She returned with a white t-shirt, clean and folded.
She handed it to him with a shy smile, saying,
"This is yours I think. . . "
He recognized it as his white undershirt that he left at her
house by accident that night. She was still looking at him. Was she
pitying him? She must think I'm such a wimp, he thought. At least not
as tough as Ryan. That was obvious enough.
He realized that she was waiting for him to put it on. He wasn't
ashamed of his body, he worked out and was much more developed than most
other freshman. He peeled off his sweaty shirt, wincing from the pain as
he lifted his arms above his head. He was going to put the shirt on but
she told him to wait, getting another rag soapy and wet.
Bare-chested in front of her, he tried to look as hard and cut as
possible. She rung the washcloth out and approached him.
Both realized the awkwardness of the situation as she bathed his
upper body. They tried to get the memory of when she had done so much
more for him out of their minds, especially Matt, who felt a familiar
tingle in his groin from her touch on his bare chest. She wouldn't look
him in the eye. She cleaned off his elbow, which had been cut by some
stick when he'd been pinned to the ground. She touched it up with
antiseptic, her soft hand on his shoulder. What was she going to do? he
wondered. Just clean him up? Was she gonna talk to him then?
She peered in at several discolorations on his chest. She
reached for a particularly large one and applied a little pressure, and
sure enough he flinched. She moved so she was no longer blocking the
light and gasped. His entire upper body was covered with bruises that
were just beginning to welt. She wondered if he had a few broken
ribs--it certainly looked possible.
"Oh, Matt," she whispered finally. "I'm so sorry. . . " She
started to sob, wrapping her arms lightly around his shoulders so as not
to hurt him. Ryan had beat him so severely. She rubbed his back for a
second but stopped immediately. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. . . " she
cried into his shoulders, still sitting on the edge of the bathtub. "I'm
such a bitch. . . I hate him. . . I fucking hate him. . . It's all my
fault. . . I hate myself. . . I'm such a bitch. . . I'm sorry. . . "
Half of him tried to hate her, wanting to push her away and tell
her she was right. But the other half was leaping for joy, his heart
racing, that she was in his arms, the girl he dreamt about night after
night. It wasn't a contest between those two halves.
"No, don't say that," he whispered into her ear. "Please don't
say that. It's my fault, it's my fault. I was wrong, not you."
"Wrong?" she pulled away from him, her cheeks wet with tears.
"What did you do? You didn't do anything. It was Ryan, not you."
He fought back tears, his heart nearly breaking with the guilt
and self-loathing he had felt since earlier this evening when he'd first
heard the words. Rapist.
"Well, you were drunk. And I shouldn't have told everybody. You
were drunk you know what that makes me? A fucking rapist. You can have
me arrested you know. I wouldn't blame you . I'm trash, scum," he muttered.
"Oh, Matt," she snapped. "That's ridiculous. Why would you
think you're a rapist? Did I protest?" she asked pointedly.
"No," he admitted, nearly laughing from the way she asked him and
the memory of her dragging him onto her bed.
"Don't give me that alcohol bullshit. I knew what I was
doing--you did not, I repeat, did *not* rape me."
He thought about it. She leaned forward to look him in the eyes.
"Why would you think you raped me?" she asked him quietly,
already having an idea.
He didn't say anything. He didn't want to get Ryan into any more
trouble with her than he was already in, ironically. He knew Ryan still
wanted her back. Unless he already had her back. . . He remembered
their threats.
"Matt, tell me what happened. I need to know," she implored.
"Nah. It's not important and I don't really want to talk about
it," he said, trying to sound nonchalant.
"Well, it's important to me," she said. "I know it was Ryan--who
else was there too?"
"I don't know!"
"Where did it happen?"
"School," he muttered.
"What happened? Please tell me," she begged. "Matt, please, I
really need to know."
Matt gave in. He sighed exasperatingly, "God, okay. He just
said that I was a little punk and a rapist--'cause you were drunk you
know--and that I was dead and stuff." He paused, not wanting to say, not
wanting to even think about what else he'd said, about how she would
never love--nor like--him. He pushed those thoughts out of his mind,
they were too painful. Another painful thought came into his mind, but
he couldn't make it leave.
"What else?" she demanded. "Tell me everything."
"You guys back together?" he asked quietly. Please say no please
say no please say. . .
"NO!!!" she cried. "Of course not. I'm never getting back
together with that fucking jerk. Fuck him."
"Oh" he said, relieved. "Well, anyway, he kept referring to you
as his girlfriend. He said it at least twice, I think three times but I
don't remember."
"Oh really?" she snapped, her eyes angry. "Well he's just
wrong. He's fucking crazy. What a dick!" she said. "Oh my God! I
can't believe this." She got up and began pacing. "I have told him a
million times that we're through. A fucking million. Well isn't this
just fine and dandy. I don't believe this shit."
She started rattling off all the times she'd told him to leave
her alone and how he'd seemed to get it but maybe he was just some
psycho. Matt wasn't really listening, he was guilty of looking at her
body instead, still in the wet bikini covered by an unfastened robe. He
wondered where his mom was. He stared at her breasts. Her nipples were
hard under the wet material. He wondered if he could just take her now,
right on the rug. . .
He sort of snapped out of it when she walked into her room and
returned with a photo in one of those cardboard frames you get from the
photographer. She sat back down on the bathtub and leaned over his
thighs, holding out the photo so they could both see it.
It was a large group photo from a Homecoming or a prom. He
recognized her, in Ryan's arms, clad in a tight black dress. Oh,
Homecoming, he thought, as he saw the gold embossed letters on the
bottom. This year's Homecoming at Ryan's school.
"Did he come with him? Did he hit you too?" she asked, pointing
out one guy. Matt looked closely. He was pretty sure that was one of
the guys. He didn't say anything, but looked at the other people. God
she has a lot of friends, he thought. There was at least six couples
there. He recognized the other guy.
"Did he? Don't be scared to tell," she soothed.
"I'm not scared," he said, annoyed. I'm not a wimp, he thought
angrily. Of course, he didn't blame her for thinking so under the
circumstances.
"Come on," she begged. "Tell me."
"Yeah," he admitted, pointing. She could get anything from him,
he thought, he could never say no to her. "It was that guy and that guy.
. . "
"Shit. I knew it." She snapped the picture closed and got up
and tossed it onto the bed. She stood in the doorway of the bathroom and
looked at him.
"They're gonna pay for what they did to you I hope you know.
Ryan is gonna pay, the fuckin' asshole," she said decidedly.
"No, don't worry about it. I mean, they're gonna kill me I
swear," he said, trying to sound matter-of-fact and not quaking in his boots.
"No, they won't!" she insisted, walking over to him. He was
eye-level with her breasts and they grabbed his attention. She kneeled
on the rug between his knees. Oh my God, he thought for a second. Is
she gonna do it? Is she gonna suck my dick? Suck it suck it his mind
screamed.
He soon felt ashamed of his one track mind, of his dirty
thoughts, when she handed him his shirt from off the floor and continued
talking.
"I promise they won't hurt you. I bet you Matt, Ryan will be
apologizing to you before too long, you'll see!" she smiled up at him.
"I wouldn't count on it," he said uneasily. He put his shirt on,
trying to flex his muscles at the same time.
"You didn't deserve this at *all* Matt."
He just shrugged.
"You didn't! I'm telling you, you didn't! Say you didn't
deserve it," she instructed, giving him a small smile.
"I didn't deserve it," he obeyed.
She smiled. "You know, maybe you should go to the hospital. You
know, to get x-rayed. You could have a cracked rib or something."
"Nah, I'm okay," he declined, macho, staring down at the girl
between his legs, her hands on his thighs, and hoping she wouldn't look
down and see the effect she was having on him. He gratefully pulled his
shirt down.
"Sure?" she asked. The concern showed on her face. His heart
poured with love for her. His eyes locked with hers. Kiss kiss kiss. .
. he thought.
"Well, I hope you're right," she said, interrupting his
thoughts. She smiled at him, in a motherly sort of way, he thought. Fuck.
She stood up, and got a large bandaid out of a drawer to put over
the cut on his elbow. There was a knock on her bedroom door when she
started peeling off the little adhesives. She said loudly, "Come in. . . "
Oh God, he thought as he saw her, my mom. He'd had prayed she'd
magically disappeared.
His mom walked in and looked at them, in the corner of the
bathroom. Her son and his first lover, who was now bandaging him up.
She was doing the job she, his mom, should have done, instead of dragging
him out to get answers, she thought guiltily. Matt did look much better,
she had to admit.
"Hello," his mom said, not in an unfriendly manner.
"Hi," she said in a small voice. Then in a more confident one to
Matt, "You look 100% better."
"Thank you. . . " his mom said.
"No problem," she said, smiling down at Matt.
"Um, Matt, we should probably go now. Are you ready?"
"Yeah, I'll be out in a second," he said, giving his mom a
pointed look. Please leave please he begged silently. His mom took the
hint and left.
She threw away the trash from the most recent bandaid and then
looked at him, unsure whether he wanted to talk to her or whether he had
to go to the bathroom. He stared at her for a second, then cleared his
throat. He paused.
Finally, he opened his mouth and said, "Yeah, thanks." Not at
all what he intended to say, but he just couldn't say it, no way could he
tell her what he wanted to, what he was feeling inside. He desperately
wanted to pull her to him and whisper in her ear, "I love you."
She smiled at him, that gorgeous, fantastic smile of hers that he
wished he could see every day for the rest of his life. She (gently of
course) pulled him up and gave him the best bear hug she could manage
without hurting him. He rested his chin on the top of her head, his lips
pursed, his eyes looking up at the ceiling while he fought back tears.
She pulled back, still smiling at him. She looked so beautiful,
even with her hair pulled back in a wet pony tail and her eye makeup smudged.
"You know, you're gonna kill me if I say this. . . " she said,
jokingly but yet serious. "But, well!"
"What? Say what?" That you want me to fuck the hell out of you
now? he thought wistfully.
"Don't get mad. Don't think I'm lame but. . . " she continued.
"You know, we can be friends. I want to be friends. I know every guy
hates it: 'We can be friends!'" she said, imitating girls, in a high
voice. She winced, pretending to prepare for him to get mad. She's so
cute, he thought.
Matt groaned, joking too. "Not friends! Not the F-word!" he laughed.
Her face turned serious.
He smiled at her, the happiest he'd been since that night, but
his fragile male ego still ached. Of course we hate the friend word, he
thought, it means we're compromising. We're giving up what we really
want. "That doesn't sound too bad," he said.
She smiled. "Good! I mean it, you know Matt, if you need
someone to talk to or anything, you can always call me."
He smiled. "Okay," he said. "You can call me too." Once he
said it he wished it back, now what if she doesn't call? he thought.
Fuck, he thought, realistically, I doubt she'll call me.
But she just smiled. She gave him another hug, kissing him on
the cheek. Remembering his soiled shirt, they left her room and went
out, passing her living room where a few people were watching TV. God,
he thought, on a weeknight? Her house is party-central. His mom wasn't
in there, she was waiting in the car.
She said good-bye again, friendly. He punched her on the arm
good naturedly, and she attempted to tousle his hair but he was too
quick. She opened the door, and Matt left, with his own bye. She
watched him climb into the car, then closed the door.
Could he be any cuter? she thought to herself. Then she got angry.
Chapter 5
Matt sat in the front seat, silent. His mom spoke first, "So,
honey, how are you feeling? You look much better."
"Fine."
"I should have made sure you were okay before we came here," she said.
"It doesn't matter now," he answered.
"Oh. Well. . . " she paused. "So, are you going to be seeing a
lot of her?"
"No," said Matt, sullenly. God, why did his parents always have
to be so nosy?
"Oh. I was just wondering," she said. "She seems very nice
actually. . . "
"Actually?"
"Well, I just mean that she's a nice girl."
"Yes, she is."
"Oh. I was talking to her friends. They were quite nice too."
"What did you talk about?"
"Well, well, we talked about her situation. With her
ex-boyfriend and what happened with him, and you. . . "
"Oh."
"She has a lovely house. Her parents travel a lot you know."
"Yeah, I know."
"It's too bad that she has to live by herself so much. I guess
that's why
she has so many friends over, to keep her company."
"I guess," he said, thinking, I'll keep you company!
"Her friend was saying that she was very close with her
boyfriend's family. It's a shame when things like that happen you know."
"I guess."
They pulled into the driveway, Matt relieved the conversation was
over and hoping his parents wouldn't bring her up anymore.
*****
Jen pulled into Ryan's driveway, like she had so many times. She
didn't allow herself to pause, but still kept running what she was going
to say to him over and over in her mind as she jumped out of her car.
She rang the doorbell, something she hadn't done in a long time.
Ryan looked at her through the window, but she purposely avoided
looking at him. He opened the door, his eyes wide.
"Hi!" he said, brightly.
She stared at him. Then she hit him as hard as she could.
He reeled backwards, his hand to his mouth.
"You fucking prick!" she seethed.
"What?!?" he demanded.
"Oh, that was so fucking low. Three against one, real classy Harper."
"Oh, what, you're like his protector now or something?" he asked,
admitting it.
"Oh, screw you. How could you do that? How could you do that to
the kid?"
"Oh, he's a kid now, is he?" Ryan asked sarcastically, wiping
blood from his chin.
"To you he is. What's the matter with you?" she screamed at
him. "Why'd you do that?!?
"He deserved it."
"Oh fucking bullshit. Bullshit he did. You're the one that
deserves to get the shit beat out of you. Oh, and let's get this
straight, okay? You are not my boyfriend, and I am not your girlfriend!
Can you say that?" she asked in a Mr. Rogers'-type voice.
"No. I won't admit that. You say that I broke up with you, but
hell no! I told you I was sorry babe. I didn't mean it--I've told you
that a thousand times!" he whined.
"Oh yeah well too late for that. God, how could you *do*
that?!? You're even more of an asshole that I thought," she told him, in
tears. "And let's get something else straight, okay? You are not to
lay--and no one else you know either!--are not to lay a goddamn
fingernail on that boy. Do you hear me? I know you better than anyone
else Ryan, and I can *hurt* you better than anyone else can, got it?" she
threatened.
"You've already hurt me," he told her, fighting back tears.
She ignored the tears, keeping her heart cold. "Good. Not
nearly as much as you've fucking hurt me I bet! God you're such a jerk,"
she told him, shaking her head. "I can't believe you would do such a
thing! Actually, I can. . . " she added angrily, determined she wouldn't
cry.
"You're not going out with him, are you?" he asked in horror.
"No! But what does that have to do with it? If I was, it
wouldn't be any of your business right?" she asked.
He didn't answer.
"Right?" she snapped.
"Right," he said, rolling his eyes.
"You're such a jerk. And don't believe for a fucking second that
he raped me. Nothing could be further from the truth, you know. Rape
victims usually don't cum a couple times," she added.
He didn't say anything, just stared at the ground, her comment
going straight to his heart like a dagger. He couldn't fight back tears
anymore.
She noticed, and her heart raced. But she still hated him.
"Good-bye!" she told him, disgusted.
He grabbed her arm. "No, come in. Let's talk. Please let's
talk. Just give me that."
She got a glimpse of Will, Ry's little brother, walking in the
kitchen towards them. Will looked at her, then his brother, who was
wiping away tears, then back at her. Her heart ached, she loved Ryan's
family like her own. Will was like her own little brother. But she
hardened her heart, and shook his arm off. "No, it's too damn late."
She spun around and ran to her car, and he didn't follow her,
thank God. He knew her, he knew when she was angry and when she was
*angry*. She'd probably run him over with the car, the way she felt now.
Chapter 6
They'd first started going out freshman year. She'd been
together with this guy, Danny, since about the first week of school. She
really liked Danny.
Danny was fairly inexperienced as far as dating went, but she
didn't know that, you wouldn't from the way he acted. Plus, he was
gorgeous. Essentially, he broke up with her. It wasn't that he didn't
like her. Actually, he liked her a lot. The problem was, he didn't know
what to do with her. Should he call her every night? Eat lunch with her
every day? Trivial problems, but when you're a freshman, trivial
problems are like catastrophes. He tried to act cool, and basically
ended up ignoring her. Around October, she finally asked him. "Do you
want to go out with me or not?"
The answer wasn't yes, in fact it wasn't even an answer yet that
night when she met Ryan. She'd asked Danny's friend to give him the
message Friday morning, but she'd neither heard nor seen Danny or the
friend all day. Friday night she went out with her friends, Melissa and
Dana, and these two sophomore guys. One of them had played soccer with
Ryan. "Harper," they kept calling him.
Anyway, they went up to Ryan's house in the hills to see what he
was up to. All of them sat around in his living room for awhile, playing
Sega while waiting for someone to call Ryan back.
Ryan noticed her right away. He liked her looks right away
anyway, but she didn't seem particularly friendly. She was very quiet
and fairly unreceptive to any suggestions people made. She didn't want
anything to drink, she wanted to keep her jacket on, she didn't want to
play winner.
So Ryan instead focused his attentions on the Melissa girl, who
had been flirting with him somewhat, but it soon became obvious that she
had something going with one of the sophomores. The bitch (as he called
her mentally during that first brief hour) actually sat in his kitchen
and talked to his *dad* for awhile. When she was in there, one of the
guys commented on her and what a bundle of laughs she was. Dana
mentioned that she was upset because she was breaking up (maybe) with her
boyfriend.
So Ryan thought about it for a few minutes, then noticed it quiet
in the kitchen and went in. His dad had gone back to his bedroom, and
she was now sitting alone quietly at his kitchen table, slowly tracing
the placemat pattern with her fingertip.
He sat down across from her, and she looked up at him and gave a
half-hearted smile, then looked back down at the table. She didn't want
to him to think she was a bitch, so she looked back up at him and gave
him a more genuine one. It was his house after all, and she'd just
gotten through talking to his dad, who was a real sweetheart, so she
ought to be nice to him.
"Having fun?" he asked, teasing her a bit.
"Oh, yeah, tons," she answered sarcastically.
He leaned forward. "So, you sad?" he asked.
She just shrugged her shoulders.
"What's your name again?" he asked. "I'm Ryan. I live here," he added.
"I know," she said. "I'm Jen."
That's right, he knew that. "So," he said. "You want to talk
about it? Your friend said you were having problems with your boyfriend."
Good, he knows I have a boyfriend, she thought gratefully.
"Well, kinda," she said.
"What's the matter? I don't know, maybe I can give you a guy's
perspective, if you want."
"Well, aright."
"So, what's up?"
"Well, we've only been going out since the beginning of the
year. He's just. . . I don't know. I mean, I really like him and stuff
but he's just such a butt!"
Ryan laughed. The girl had attitude, he could see. "What's he do?"
"Well, he's sorta mean to me."
"What--he doesn't hit you, does he?" asked Ryan, concerned.
"Oh, no! Nothing like that!"
"I was gonna say, I mean, if he's beatin' on you I'd probably
have to kick his ass."
That made her uncomfortable, but she just continued talking to
him anyway. "No, he just ignores me."
"He ignores you?"
"Yeah, I mean, he never calls me. I have to call him if I want
to talk to him. And he doesn't hang out with me at school or anything.
We've gone out to lunch a couple times but not lately. So, it's like we
never talk, you know? I mean, we never even see each other. Not lately
anyway. He says he likes me but I wish he'd just, I don't know," she
shrugged.
"You're right, he sounds like a real butt," agreed Ryan.
"So, well, I asked his friend to give him the message that I
wanted to know what was up, whether he still wanted to be with me or
not. Anyway that was this morning and I haven't heard anything."
"Is he a freshman?"
"Yeah."
"You're a freshman, right?"
"Yeah."
"Um, I think that you should. . . " he began. He couldn't just
say "Just dump him and go for me," she'd think he was a jerk. Plus he'd
promised her advice. "Well, first of all you should wait and see what he
says. If he calls you. Don't call him--he should call you. If he says
he wants to be together with you still, then tell him how you feel and
find out what his problem is. And tell him that things need to change."
"That's what I was planning on doing."
"And of course, if he *doesn't* call you, like, by tomorrow
night, unless he's out of town or something, which if he is you didn't
mention. . . "
"He's not," smiled Jen.
". . . or if he calls you and says 'I don't knooooooooooow' then
you should get rid of him because he's a dork."
Jen shrugged. "I guess so."
The phone rang then and Ryan leapt up to get it. Ryan told the
others the "lowdown" as soon as he got off. His friend was coming over
to get him and they were going to someone else's house. The guys and
Dana and Melissa wanted to go too so they all stood around in the kitchen
waiting for him. When he finally showed up Melissa suggested Jen go with
Ryan and his friend Josh because it was easier then them all squishing in
the Bug again.
Ryan was pleased and insisted that she sit in the front seat.
She was very quiet and not at *all* pleased about being in the car with
these two guys she didn't know, plus going to the house of someone else
she didn't know. All she just wanted to do was go home, and check to see
if Danny had called, and if he hadn't then cry. Cry, which she felt like
doing when Josh asked her if she had a boyfriend. She was scared he was
going to hit on her, which she *hated*, because she didn't ever know how
to act when that happened. But Josh just said "Oh" when she said she did
and then turned up the music louder. Jen wanted to turn and smile at
Ryan, because, after all, that is what they had been talking about, but
she just didn't feel like being friendly tonight.
Ryan thought she was cute and girlfriend potential as opposed to
just a lay, which of course he wouldn't mind. Ryan thought if he didn't
get laid pretty soon he'd explode. Of course, he thought hastily, he
would never rule anyone out as "just a lay." His life wasn't *that* good.
They didn't talk much more that night because she left pretty
soon after they got to the house. He'd lost track of her after they got
there because this blonde he'd never met was flirting with him fairly
heavily. Later, after he didn't get anything like usual, he thought
about the sad girl he'd met earlier with the big blue eyes and long brown
hair.
He got Dana's number from Colin, and called her up to ask about
Jen. Dana said that Danny had called her, but he was a "total butt" and
acting indifferent to her so she said, "Then I guess we're not together
anymore if that's the way you're acting," and he'd said, "I guess not."
It wasn't the clean break Ryan was hoping for, but he wasn't
disappointed. He was a little though when Dana said she thought Jen
would be mad if she gave her phone number to him. Before he could get
insulted Dana explained that it wasn't him, but that it would probably
take awhile before she would get over Danny, the way she was apparently.
But Dana said she'd see what she could do as far as getting them together.
continued. . .
Chapter 7
What happened is that Dana and Jared, the other sophomore, went
to the movies and conveniently invited both Jen and Ryan. At first when
Jen, who'd been moping over Danny for awhile, realized what was going on,
she was a little annoyed, not that she didn't like the Ryan guy or
anything. She just bristled at her best friend's attempt to set her up
behind her back. After all, Dana knew how upset she was over Danny
still. But she couldn't be rude and demand to go home. Plus, it wasn't
Ryan's fault they had been set up. She set out to ignore him so he would
get the picture that she wasn't interested.
But while Jared was all over Dana next to them, Ryan just let her
watch the movie, and she was thankful. He didn't even try to hold her
hand. He was so funny and she was laughing the whole time at all his
little sarcastic comments about the movie, which was really stupid. They
both hated licorice and Good N' Plenty candy. But Danny kept creeping
into her mind, and she refused to acknowledge that she might like someone
else or that she might be on a date. She wished she was at home.
But when the movie was over, an extremely minor incident in the
car, which would blow Ryan away later when she mentioned it to him, made
her really look at him and admit to herself that she liked him a lot.
While Jared was driving a van cut in front of them suddenly.
Jared slammed on his brakes. Jen was in the back seat with Ryan, and
wearing her seat belt, but Ryan instantly threw his arm in front of her
to prevent her from going forward. There wasn't an accident or anything,
but she was bowled over by his protective and thoughtful behavior. This
tiny gesture opened her eyes to him.
She thought about that night, and how much fun she'd had with
him. And how good it had felt when he'd just touched her, although
briefly. She hoped he liked her too, and didn't think she was cold or
uninterested.
When they stopped at her house to drop her off, the garage door
was open and her dad was fixing something in it. Both of them had been
wondering what was going to happen, if he would walk her to her door and
maybe kiss her. It wasn't an official date, so he could have just stayed
in the car and been safe. But since her dad was there they didn't get
the chance. So instead Ryan yanked her hair playfully when she climbed
out of the back seat, and she smiled at him as she said, "See ya later."
*****
Ryan was encouraged enough to call her the next day, and the day
after that. He asked her to his Homecoming and she said yes, Danny's
memory fading by the day.
They went in a big group, first out to dinner, then to the dance
where Jen and Ryan danced the whole night. Well, practically the whole
night. The group they went with had rented a suite with several rooms
(the dance was at a hotel), and eventually they went up there.
Ryan's mind was racing in the elevator, wondering if he was going
to lose his virginity that night. He pictured them in a bedroom, making
out passionately and ripping each other's clothes off as they fell onto
the bed. He wondered what he was supposed to do now.
Jen was also wondering what would happen. He hadn't kissed her
yet, and she really wanted him too. Half the couples on the dance floor
had been making out during the slow songs. She really liked him, and was
scared he didn't like her, at least, not as much as she liked him.
They sat down on the couch in the living room of the suite,
looking around and saying hi to the few of other people there. MTV was
on. Ryan loosened his necktie and removed it. It was so awkward. He
wanted to fuck her right then, but was petrified of her punching him out
if he suggested they go into one of the rooms. So they just made small
talk on the couch.
One guy made eye contact with Ryan, and, nodding toward an empty
bedroom, said, "It's empty if you want it."
Ryan glanced over at her, but she didn't look at him, not wanting
to do what she was sure he wanted to. He'd probably had lots of girls
before, all the time, she thought.
Ryan just shook his head at the guy, saying, "Maybe later."
She felt relieved, but at the same time scared that he didn't
like her. He hadn't tried anything at all. She excused herself and went
to the bathroom, where she stared at her image in the mirror.
She was 14 years old, but her body was decently behind. She
hadn't yet gotten her period. She was 4'10" tall, easily a foot shorter
than Ryan. Her dark brown hair was piled on top of her head, and her
blue eyes made up impeccably. She thought her face was her best feature.
She didn't yet have any sort of body, her breasts were small, and
ugly, she thought. Her chest looked okay in this dress, she'd reasoned
at the store. She knew that if Ryan tried to feel her up he'd be
disappointed in her lack of body. He probably weighed twice as much as
her too. She was always thought of as "cute," because of her petite
size. Never "fine." Feeling miserable, Jen returned to Ryan on the couch.
"Hi," he said to her. Her visit to the bathroom had sent his
adolescent mind spinning: was she putting in a birth control device?
Maybe she *wanted* him to hit on her. He wanted to have sex with her,
but at the same time he'd rather just kiss her first. Besides, he
reasoned, do I really want sex on a first date? He didn't know if she
was a virgin, it's possible she wasn't. He'd prefer it if she was, he
wasn't sure he'd know how to do it right anyway, but the odds were
certainly greater of her letting him do her if she'd done it before. But
he would be happy if she just liked him back.
"Hi," she answered.
"Did you have fun tonight?" he asked, thinking, please say yes,
and mean it too.
She smiled at him. "Yes," she said. She had.
"Did I tell you you look beautiful?" he asked.
"About ten times," she blushed.
"Good, just checking."
"I've gotten a lot of compliments on my corsage," she told him.
"It's so pretty."
"Yeah? Thanks. I was hoping you'd like it," he grinned at her.
"So, what are you doing next weekend?" He was stepping out onto a ledge
here, he wasn't sure if she'd respond the way he hoped.
She paused. "Well, next Saturday is our Homecoming."
"Oh, are you going?"
"Well, that depends. . . " She wasn't trying to be coy.
"On what?"
"On whether or not you'd like to go with me," she said quickly,
her heart pounding in her ears.
He smiled. "I'd love to go with you."
She smiled back, and they looked deep into each other's eyes. He
leaned in a millimeter, saying quietly, his face covered with anticipation,
"Can- can I kiss you?"
She nodded, still staring into his eyes.
He leaned forward and, eyes closed, she felt his lips brush up
against hers. He lightly pushed against her lips, and she did the same.
He pulled away slowly, with a quiet kissing sound. She studied his
face. God he's gorgeous, she thought.
He leaned in again, and kissed her again. He didn't pull away
this time but just leaned in to let his forehead touch hers, their eyes
still closed. She felt his warm breath on her lips, and kissed him back,
her hands finding his strong shoulders. She let her mouth open the
slightest bit, and he did the same. The tip of his tongue barely touched
hers, and his hands gently cupped her face. His body tingled, especially
where her hands rested on his shoulders. He pushed his tongue a little
further into her mouth, hoping she'd take it. It met her own, and, she
did the same to him.
They spent the better half of an hour in the corner of that
couch, just kissing passionately. Her hands stayed on his shoulder, and
his hands never went below hers.
He got to walk her to the door that night, his heart swelling
with the adoration he already felt for her. He kissed her again on her
doorstep, and she couldn't believe how lucky she was that this guy, who
was so great, actually seemed to like her. She gave him a huge hug as he
said he guessed he had to go.
They both went to sleep dreaming about the other, him of course,
with a tired hand that had relieved the erection she'd given him.
Chapter 8
Her Homecoming was similar to his, they'd gone out to dinner and
then danced together the whole night. This time they were one of the
couples on the floor who kissed like there was no tomorrow. That night
there was no room waiting upstairs for them, the principal had seen to
that. Both were secretly relieved, for different reasons.
He was convinced she wasn't a virgin, just because of how mature
she acted and how good-looking she was. He had this nagging theory that
had formed from his brief knowledge of her last boyfriend: She had slept
with him right away, then he'd just ignored her, not wanting her around
anymore. Ryan hoped that wasn't the case.
They talked to each other every night on the phone. He always
made her laugh, he was so funny. But he could get serious too, and told
her how he felt about his parents and his relationship with them, and
what he wanted to do after high school. He was the most sensitive guy
she'd ever known, certainly a contrast to her last boyfriend.
He wished they went to the same school, or at least lived close
enough where he could bike over to see her. As it was it took fifteen
minutes by car to her house from his. But whenever he went out with his
friends she went too, and he longed for his license so he could take her
out on his own, just the two of them, without having to wait for a ride.
His parents loved her, and she liked going over there and didn't
seem to mind putting up with them. His parents were pretty cool about
stuff, but he wasn't about to attempt to lock them out of his room with
her in there.
A month into their relationship they'd only French-kissed. They
hadn't had many opportunities to do more.
One Friday night they were alone on a couch at a friend's house,
the parents gone and Ryan's friend busy in his room with his own girl.
While they were kissing, he slowly slid his hand up to her breast and
cupped it.
Jen immediately pushed him away from her. Ryan was hurt and
horrified, not knowing what to do, or how to react to her rejection of him.
She felt like a complete fool, she shouldn't have reacted that
way. She was just so insecure about her body, and she'd panicked. She
was scared he'd think she was a baby if he saw her. She felt like such a
bitch. He'd turned away from her on the couch, hurt.
She touched his shoulder, "Ryan?"
He didn't answer.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean it, Ryan. . . I shouldn't
have done that. I'm sorry. . . "
He turned to face her, not looking her in the eyes. "What- why'd
you do that?" he asked her, the hurt evident in his voice.
"I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry. . . " she repeated. He turned
away again, then looked back at her.
"I- I'm sorry. . . " he mumbled. He couldn't think of anything
else to say.
"No, it's my fault. Honest. I- I just, I don't know. . . "
He didn't say anything, waiting for her to finish.
"I mean, I don't have a very good body you know," she mumbled,
her eyes filling with tears. She'd hoped this moment wouldn't come.
"I'm really flat. I don't want you to be disappointed."
He was astonished. He'd thought he was a jerk and she just
didn't like him, but to hear this took him aback since he really couldn't
care less.
"What?" he asked. "Jen, I think you have a beautiful body.
Don't worry about it, honest."
"No I don't," she said, the tears spilling over.
"Yes you *do*. And I don't want you disagreeing with me either,
got it? 'Cause then you're insulting something I like, you know? And I
don't like that."
"I guess. . . " she sniffled, not sounding at all convinced.
He got her some Kleenex and wiped her cheeks off. He held her in
his arms and comforted her.
"I'm sort of inexperienced," she blurted out. "I guess you can
tell that. I guess you're going to have to have some patience, you
know? 'Cause I don't think- 'cause I guess I'd rather take things slow,
like this. I can understand if you don't want that, but I'm sorry."
"You- you've never done it before?" he asked, relieved.
"No," she said. "I'm a virgin. Have you done it a lot?" she ventured.
He considered lying, but only briefly. "No. Actually, I'm- I'm
one too," he stumbled.
"Really?" she asked, sounding amazed.
"Yeah! Why do you sound so surprised? What, did you think I'm
some sort of major mack or something?" he asked.
"Well, I don't know. I just sort of assumed you have. I mean,
you're so good-looking. . . "
"Really? You think so?"
"Yes!"
"Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot. But obviously, looks don't matter
much, because you've never done it either."
"Oh, Ryan, you're so sweet. . . " she said, flattered.
He leaned in and kissed her. Kissing him back, she took his hand
and placed it over one of her breasts.
He kept it there, enjoying the feel of her under his palm. He
pulled her to him, his mind racing with emotions for her. Something
occurred to him, and he pulled away from her.
"I just thought about it," he said.
"What?" she asked.
"I never asked you out. . . " he said. He took her small hand in
his large one. He studied her face. "Jen, will you be my girlfriend?"
he asked.
Her face lit up. "Oh, yes," she said. "You know I will. I'd
love to be."
Chapter 9
Ryan had never felt about anyone the way he felt about Jen. His
friends were always bugging him whether he'd "hit it" yet or not, but he
wasn't about to pressure her into it. He loved being with her, she was
so cute and funny and sensitive. They had this tremendous vibe together,
he knew what she was feeling, whether she was nervous, or anxious, happy
or scared. He felt this overwhelming desire to protect her at all
costs. He knew he was falling in love with her.
One night they were alone in one of his friend's bedrooms,
kissing. He was kissing her neck and her ear, which he'd discovered she
adored. Her hands were on his chest, massaging it. He felt she was
handling them awkwardly, like she didn't know what to do. Still kissing
her, he gently took her hand and placed it lower, wondering what she'd
do, but sensing she wouldn't get mad.
He was right; she rubbed him through his jeans, her hand feeling
his stiffness for the first time. Ryan gasped in her ear from her touch,
and she grasped him and he nearly came right then. He wanted to touch
her down there too, make her gasp in pleasure as well. He didn't know
how she'd react to that, so instead slid his hands up under her shirt,
which she'd let him do before. His friend bursting in on them prevented
them from going any further; she snatched her hand away and he did the
same while his friend explained his parents were home.
That Christmas vacation he invited her up to his cabin for skiing
with his family. His parents, especially his mom, adored her. His mom,
Karen, had had three sons before she miscarried a girl. They hadn't been
able to have any more children after that, though they tried.
Ryan's little brothers, Robby and Will, thought she was great
too, and the five of them spent one winter night all playing
hide-and-seek and other games in the cabin together. Ryan slept in the
loft above his parents room with his little brothers, and Jen was placed
in the room next to his parents. They'd be able to hear him if he tried
to sneak into her room, he realized.
The night before they left they were kissing on her bed, the door
open. She got up and went to the adjoining bathroom. She was in there
for a minute before he heard her scream.
Ryan flew to the door, but it was locked.
"What's the matter?" he asked. "Jen, are you okay?"
There was no answer, and he asked again, knocking on the door.
"I'm okay," her muffled voice told him. "Ryan, can you get your
mother please?"
"My mom? What do you want her for?"
"Ryan, please can you just get your mom?" she asked, crying.
He went after his mom, concerned, but feeling extremely left
out. The door was unlocked and his mom went in. Ryan sat on the
bedspread, wondering.
Jen sat on the toilet, crying.
"What's the matter, honey?" Karen asked.
She shook her head, then told her. "I-I got my period," she
stumbled. "I've never gotten it before."
"Oh, honey!" Karen exclaimed, giving her a hug.
"I don't know what to do," she cried.
"Well, first of all, let me get you something," said Karen.
"I'll be right back," she explained, leaving.
When his mom walked out, Ryan jumped up.
"What is it?" he demanded. "What's the matter?"
His mom just shook her head.
"Can I go in?" he asked.
"Better not," she answered.
His mom returned in a second with her travel case, and went back
in the bathroom. Ryan sat back down on the bed, having an idea what was
going on but perturbed at the same time.
Karen pulled a few objects out of the case, explaining them and
how they were used. as well as the whole cycle.
Jen didn't understand the tampons. She wondered if they could go
up and get lost, besides, she added, "I don't think I can use them yet."
"Well, sure, you can use them," said his mom. "I prefer them
over the pads, they're not as messy and you can't feel them at all."
"Well, no, I mean, they might hurt me. I mean, I've never done
it you know," she said embarassedly. Well, she thought, this is sort of
a personal moment anyway.
"Oh," said his mom, flattered that Jen felt close enough with her
to share that. "No, you can still use them, honey. They're not that
big, they shouldn't hurt you although you may want to buy the teen size.
But if you don't feel comfortable you might start out with the pads."
"Oh."
She took out an aspirin bottle. "Do you have any cramps?"
"No," she said.
"Well, you'll probably get them sometime. They're usually much
worse the first two days or so. What you should do is take Advil, or
Midol, ibuprofen usually works best. Take it every few hours as soon as
you feel any pain."
"Does it hurt a lot?" she asked.
"Well, it does," said his mom. "Every woman is different so you
may not be too bad, but for me, it's horrible unless I take the pills."
Jen looked sad.
"But it's a good thing," assured his mom. "When I first got
mine, I was so thrilled. I told all my friends right away, and the ones
that hadn't started theirs were jealous."
"Really?" asked Jen.
"Oh, yes," remembered Karen. "It was a big moment. I was
twelve, I remember. I thought I was so grown-up!" she laughed.
"I'm fourteen. . . " said Jen.
His mom smiled. "I know," she said. "But it's a great thing,
really it is. It means you can now be a mother, your body is ready to
carry a child."
Jen nodded, thinking.
"Of course," his mom added. "Your body may be ready, but that
doesn't mean the rest of you is if you know what I mean. . . " she told
her pointedly.
"Oh, I know!" Jen laughed. "Don't worry about that."
"That's good," smiled Karen.
Jen gave her a big hug, saying, "Thanks a lot, Mrs. Harper."
"Oh no, call me Karen," she said. "And you're welcome."
"Thanks, Karen."
"This was great," his mom said excitedly. "You know I don't have
any daughters. I never thought I'd be having this conversation. If you
ever have any other questions, and your mom's not around or something,
you can always talk to me of course."
"Thanks."
"Well, I'd better leave you alone for awhile. This is your day,
this is a big day for you. I'll see you later!"
"Thanks. 'Bye."
Karen walked out, and Ryan was still sitting on the bed.
"Well?" he asked. "Tell me."
"She can tell you herself, if she wants," said his mom, leaving.
Ryan waited on the bed. Finally he heard the toilet flush and
the door opened slowly. She walked out slowly as well, her eyes red.
He got up and went to her, putting his arms around her to comfort her.
"You okay?" he whispered.
"Yeah," she said. "I'm okay."
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.
She shrugged and laid down on the bed, hugging the pillow. Ryan
sat next to her, rubbing her back. He leaned over and kissed her cheek.
"You want to tell me what happened?" he asked.
"Oh, you don't want to hear about it. . . " she said. "It's just
girl stuff."
"Well, you're my girl so I'm interested. You- you don't want to
tell me?"
"Oh, well if you want to know. I got my period."
"You've never gotten it before?" he asked.
"No, this is the first time. I guess I'm just a late bloomer."
"I'm sure you're fine. Does it hurt?" he asked, curious.
"No, but it might later. I didn't know anything, you're mom
helped me a lot."
"That's good. So, you want to rest or something? Do you want me
to leave?"
"No." She turned over and patted the bed next to her. He laid
down next to her, and she rested her chin on his chest.
"Do you think I'm dirty?" she asked him.
"What? No, I don't think you're dirty you silly!" he exclaimed,
surprised.
"Oh, well I didn't know. I mean, I just didn't know."
"Do you feel dirty?" he asked.
She thought about it. "Well, it's kinda gross. I guess you
could say I feel icky."
"Yeah, but like, now you can have babies. You're a big girl
now," he said.
"Yeah, I guess. I guess we're gonna have to be careful from now
on. . . " she teased.
"Oh, yeah!" he laughed, wishing that were the case.
"Your mom's so great," said Jen.
"Well, of course," Ryan said. "She's related to me after all. .
. "
Jen tickled him and he tickled her back until they were both
laughing hysterically.
Chapter 10
Jen was even more innocent than Ryan had thought, but it just
made her more endearing to him. He was getting frustrated, but he didn't
let on. He didn't want to risk upsetting her or losing her if he
pressured her.
But she was becoming more courageous, and he knew she liked their
make-out sessions. She always felt him ever since that night, and one
night when they were alone in his bedroom, his parents gone, she reached
into his pants. He groaned from the touch of her hand on his swollen
dick, and she rubbed it up and down. Kissing him, she unzipped his pants
and pulled it out. They both looked down at it, it was hard and
pulsating, lying flat against his stomach. A little precum dribbled down
the sides, and she looked surprised.
"You already did it?" she asked him shyly.
"Oh, no," he said. "That just happens before, you know. Most
guys have it," he added, making sure she knew he was normal.
She reached back down for it, picking up a drop of his precum off
and rubbing it between her fingertips, to his surprise. Then she spread
the rest of it around the head and moved the skin up and down sensually.
She began kissing him again, still with a grip on his exposed cock. She
licked his ears and kissed his neck. She released it for a moment to
slide her hands up his shirt while he did the same to her. He pulled his
shirt off and she pressed herself against his naked chest, kissing his
Adam's apple.
His hands journeyed around her hips, reaching behind to hold her
ass. She kept rubbing and rubbing, jacking his cock while she kissed his
chest, her mouth finding his sensitive nipples and her tongue flicking
against them. Pretty soon he groaned loudly and she kissed his mouth,
then pulled away, excited.
She rubbed faster and faster, and with a stronger grip and he
gasped. His eyes rolled back while she watched, and in a choked voice he
whispered he was going to cum. Fascinated, she watched as he arched his
back and his body stiffened. He groaned again. His eyes closed, she
kept jacking his throbbing cock, and grayish-white cream came spurting
out of the tip, onto his bare chest. She hadn't known it would come out
in spurts like that, but instead had envisioned a steady stream.
Ryan began to breathe deeper and her hand slowed. A final gob of
cum oozed out onto her hand. She reached up and touched one of the drops
on his chest, then an idea occurred to her and she massaged all of it
into his skin. He leaned in and kissed her, grateful, and a little
surprised at her boldness. She'd surprised him, she wasn't predictable,
he was finding out.
"What does it feel like?" she asked. Her lower body felt like it
was melting; the sight of Ryan having an orgasm made her more turned on
than she could ever remember being.
"You've never cum before?" he asked.
"No," she shook her head. "At least, I don't think so. . . "
He laughed. "Believe me, you'd remember it if you had," he told
her. "It's unbelievable. It's like, the whole world explodes and you
just feel incredible."
"Have your other girlfriends made you cum before?" she asked boldly.
"Well. . . " he began uncomfortably. "They don't matter. . . "
"Well, I just want to know," she said. "What about Courtney?"
she asked, referring to his last girlfriend that he'd told her about, at
her request of course.
"Jen! I told you, they don't matter!" he said, a bit exasperatingly.
"I know. . . " she said. "But I'm just curious. I mean, I want
to know about you," she explained.
"Oh, I see."
"I mean, have you cum a lot?"
He laughed at her naivete. "Gallons," he said.
She looked a bit hurt, and he quickly tried to explain without
embarrassing himself too much.
"Well, I haven't done it that much with girls. I do it myself,"
he explained, not looking her in the eye.
She looked relieved, but at the same time a look he'd never seen
before came across her face.
"You mean, you masturbate?" she asked.
"All guys masturbate," he stated matter-of-factly. "If one ever
tells you he doesn't do it, then he's lying to you babe."
"Wow! How do you do it?" she asked, her eyes wide.
"Ohhhhhhh!" he whined. "I do *not* want to talk about this. Can
we please talk about something else?"
"But I want to talk about it," she said, rolling onto her stomach
and gazing at him.
"Why?" he asked stubbornly.
"Because it turns me on," she told him with a straight face.
"Really?" he asked. "Well, in that case. . . " he joked.
"No, really. I swear. Where does it feel good?" she asked,
gripping his limp penis in her hand.
"Well," said Ryan. "Let me show you. . . "
He placed his hand over hers, moving her index finger to just
below the head. He placed her thumb over the head, and slowly began
moving her two fingers up and down. His dick slowly lengthened, and he
began breathing heavily again.
"Do you want me to play with your balls?" she asked.
"Sure, you can play with my balls!"
She reached down and gingerly touched the soft sack hanging
between his legs. She took a hold of it, and rubbed the hard balls she
felt in it.
"Be gentle," he warned. "They're very sensitive you know."
"I like them," she said seriously.
Ryan laughed. "Yeah, babe, I like them too. That's why I said
be gentle!"
She laughed too. She rubbed the dent between them. Her other
hand kept massaging his dick the way he showed her. He groaned a little bit.
Ryan watched her, while she rubbed his dick up and down. He
looked down, then back at her.
"Do you- do you think I have a nice dick?" he asked, shyly.
She looked up in surprise. "Yeah! It's cool."
He laughed. "I mean, do you think it's kinda. . . big maybe?"
Now she laughed, then nodded seriously. "It is. It's very big.
It's very thick, too. And long. Have you ever measured it?" she asked,
still rubbing.
"No," he blushed.
"Liar!" she exclaimed. "You have too! I know it. I know you
have. How big was it?"
He shrugged modestly, breathing hard.
"You started this! You tell me or I'll get a ruler and measure
it myself!"
He grinned. "It was like, *almost* seven inches long. . . "
"Wow," she said, her eyes growing wide again.
He grinned at her again, sitting up and kissing her deeply.
Then he leaned over and got some Vaseline out of his night stand
drawer and handed it to her.
"Use this," he blushed again. "Otherwise it starts to hurt."
She smiled, and applied the jelly to his hardon. Slicked up, she
rubbed him faster and faster.
"Oh God. . . " he moaned. "Oh, oh baby that feels good. Yeah,
keep going right there--ohhhhh!"
Jen loved this, she loved giving Ryan pleasure. He seemed to be
in another world.
"Yeah, hold my nuts when I cum," he groaned. She held the hot
sack in her other hand, feeling it pulsating in her grip. Ryan thrust
his hips up at her and cried out that he was cumming. His balls jerked
and he shot more sperm onto himself.
He opened his eyes finally. She rubbed the cum into his chest
again and he grunted. He pulled her on top of him and they kissed. He
wanted to say he loved her, because he did, but he was scared. What if
she asked how many other people he'd said that too? Or what if she
thought he was only saying it to her so she'd sleep with him? So he just
held her to him. He whispered in her ear instead, "I want you to cum
now. . . "
She shook her head shyly, saying it was okay.
"No, really!" he said earnestly. "It's not fair. . . Let me-
let me kiss you down there," he suggested softly.
"Oh, no!" she exclaimed. "No. You don't have to."
"But I want to," he insisted.
"No. I mean, I don't know about that."
"Please?" he asked.
"No, Ryan! Okay?" she said, a little testily.
"Okay!" he said, a bit hurt. "I just wanted to make you feel
good too, that's all."
"I know. . . " she said gratefully. "And I love you for it. . .
But I just, I don't know. Maybe you wouldn't like it. And I don't feel
ready."
"Okay," he said, his mind spinning that she'd said she loved
him. She didn't exactly say she loves me loves me, he thought, but
still. "But I'll never know whether or not I like it unless I try it
first of all. But if you don't feel ready, then that's okay with me
sweetheart."
"Oh, Ryan. . . " she said, kissing him again. "You're so sweet."
Headlights shined through the curtains; his parents were home.
He zipped up and put his shirt back on, she arranged her own. They ran
out and sat on the couch, flipping on the TV while the garage door
opened. They giggled at what was on: C-Span. He quickly changed it to MTV.
His parents greeted them, and his dad offered to drive her home.
Ryan came with them, and tickled her in the back seat of his dad's
Mercedes on the way. Ryan escorted her to her door and he even kissed
her in front of his dad, they didn't care who saw anymore.
"Call you tomorrow?" he said.
She nodded, kissing him again. He forced himself to leave her,
desperately wishing he could take her to bed and stay with her.
He waited for her to go inside and then regretfully climbed into
the front seat.
"Now I don't feel like a limo driver," joked his dad, as he
pulled out of her driveway. Ryan laughed.
"So, did you guys have fun?" his dad asked.
"Yeah."
"What did you do?" he asked.
She jerked me off twice and I felt her up, thought Ryan
sarcastically. "Oh, nothing. . . " he said.
"We really like Jen, your mom and I do," said his dad. "I hope
you guys go out for a long time."
"Yeah, so do I," said Ryan.
"I think Will has a little crush on her," laughed his dad.
"Why?" he asked, curious.
"Oh, he always asks if she's gonna come over. Haven't you
noticed that?"
"Oh yeah, he does. . . I didn't think about it!"
"And he says we should get her to baby-sit him instead of Mrs. Conway."
"Well, too bad for Will," he laughed. "He'd better keep his
hands off my woman if he knows what's good for him!"
"You like her a lot, don't you?" his dad asked.
"Yeah, I do," said Ryan seriously.
"Do you love her, you think?" he asked.
He paused. "I think I do," he said slowly. "I haven't told her
that yet though."
"That's good. I mean, if you only think you do. Wait until
you're sure."
"Yeah. . . "
"Remember Ryan," said his dad seriously, looking at him for a
second before returning his eyes to the street. "Women are a gift. You
aren't owed one simply because you're a man, you have to earn her, you
know? But not like she's a possession, not like that of course. I mean
if you don't give her your all, she's gonna be gone. You have to be
there for her, and work your ass off for her, and treat her like a
queen. Make sure she's happy. Don't think of her just as a sex object,
something to jerk off into."
"Oh, I know. I don't," said Ryan, a little taken aback by his
dad's frankness.
"When you meet the right girl," he said. "She'll be the best
thing in your life. Remember that. But if you blow it, you're gonna be
lucky if she gives you another chance. The luckiest bastard on the
planet if she comes back to you after you've hurt her. Remember that, Ryan."
They both sat in silence, thinking about his words for the rest
of the ride. Ryan thought about how much he loved Jen, and how much he
wanted her. Every day he loved her more. If she ever left him he
wouldn't know what to do.
Chapter 11
Jen became much more adventurous that spring. She had grown
about three inches since the summer, and gained weight in all the right
places as well. Part of her desperately wanted to make love with Ryan,
and she held herself back every time they got together. He commented on
her body all the time, how great it was, how horny it made him. She
hadn't told him her desires yet. She wasn't sure yet anyway, and she
knew he'd probably shove it in her before she could say another word.
Plus, she had this nagging feeling that he didn't love her as
much as she loved him. He'd never told her he loved her anyway. Well,
except once when they were in his kitchen. He'd spun around quickly for
something and knocked his mother's glass measuring cup off the counter.
Reacting quickly, Jen jumped forward and caught it before it hit the
floor. He'd said, "Oh my God, I love you!" like ten times in a row.
Both Dana and Jen agreed that didn't count as a true "I love you."
Jen knew she loved him, but she was petrified of him saying
nothing after she told him so, or of him saying, "I don't know if I love
you."
But she didn't want him to say it if he didn't mean it, or
immediately jump into bed with him as soon as he did. She knew he'd
probably think she was easy if she did that. Hell, she would be easy,
she thought. His friends sometimes were jerks to her, saying, "Have you
slept with Ryan yet? Why not? Don't you like him? Are you a prude or
something?" He was never there when they said it, and she didn't want to
mention it to him for fear he'd say, "Well, aren't you?"
She thought he sometimes had a longing look in his eyes when he
looked at her. She hoped she wasn't frustrating him. Whenever they
screwed around now he practically always came, so she knew he didn't have
"blue balls" or whatever. He kept wanting to finger her or eat her out,
but she was scared she would smell or he would be grossed out. She'd let
him rub her between her legs over her clothes; God, it felt good.
Ryan was getting frustrated sexually, mainly because he felt
everyone else was doing it. He knew Jen wanted to take things slow, but
his friends were on him all the time, saying shit like, "Maybe she's
gettin' it from some other guy," and "Maybe she's a dyke," or the worst,
"Maybe she just doesn't like you." He didn't know why his sex life (or
lack of it) was of so much concern to them. When he'd mentioned this
point to them, they'd been defensive, saying they only wanted to help.
She was getting so beautiful, which she always was of course.
Her chest was getting huge, and he'd graduated from being able to touch
them to being able to kiss them. Sex ruled his every waking thought.
When was she going to let him, how good would he be, what would it feel
like, how often would they do it? Sometimes in class he would just think
about her body and how much he wanted to do her. His friend Josh's
girlfriend had let him eat her out. He'd said it was like heaven. Ryan
wanted to do that too. He wanted to go down on her but she wouldn't let
him. He thought it was strange how she wasn't into getting pleasured.
She said giving him pleasure gave her pleasure, but he was still annoyed.
But other than that, their relationship was great. He'd gotten
his driving permit, and getting practice was always an excuse to see
Jen. They had such great times together. They went and saw movies all
the time, and went out to eat with their friends. He saw other guys
looking at her, and it made him angry, but proud at the same time.
He had fantasies about her all the time, the usual fantasies, and
some where something bad was happening to her (he always felt a bit
guilty), but then he saves her. Her house was on fire, she was being
mugged, or raped (he always managed to get to her before she was actually
raped) but he was the hero. Of course he never told her these things;
she'd probably think he was a creep. He was petrified too that she'd
dump him for someone else.
In the winter she went to all of his soccer games that she could,
then in baseball season she was always there, in the bleachers, next to
his friends or his family.
One Saturday after she'd gone to his baseball game, she came over
and ate dinner at his house, then they watched a movie with his family.
"It's good, clean fun," he kept saying in an adult voice, to make her
laugh. Around midnight, his dad said he had better drive her home. Ryan
of course volunteered to drive.
Waiting for his dad to come out, they climbed in the car. She
sat in the passenger seat at his urging, him saying that when he got his
license it'd be like this, and that he'd take her out, just the two of
them. He pretended to drive, steering, moving the stick shift, and
making motor sounds.
"Oh, no watch out for that cat!" he said, teasing her. She loved
animals with a passion. "Phew, missed it." He continued with the
acceleration sounds. "Oh, no! It's a bunch of nuns! Oops! Ran over
the nuns! Hope they didn't make a dent. . . " She was laughing
hysterically. "Oh no! It's a cop! The pig's trying to pull me over.
Let's see if I can lose him. . . Let's see, I'm only going 125 miles an
hour. I'll turn right and go into this alley. . . Oops, I think I
squished a bum. Get out of the way you stupid street vendors! God,
you'd think they own the sidewalk. . . " he said, rolling his eyes
exaggeratingly. He made screeching sounds, saying, "Good, I lost the
copper. Now we're home baby. . . "
He looked over at her, and she smiled at him. He grinned at her.
"Ryan, you crack me up!" she told him.
His face turned serious, and he reached for her. Pulling her to
him in the dark car, he kissed her gently. He looked her in the eyes,
his heart racing.
"Jen?"
"Yeah Ry?" she asked.
"I love you."
She stared at him for a second, then her eyes filled with tears.
"Oh Ry! I love you too. So much. I thought you'd never say it. . . "
He held her to him, his heart bursting. "I love you. I've
always loved you, baby."
His dad came out of the house then, and they smiled at each
other. They kissed quickly, and she got out and got into the back seat.
His eyes kept meeting hers in the rear view mirror while he was
driving, and she smiled at him, trying to keep the tears of joy from falling.
He walked her to her door and they kissed. She held his hand and
asked him if he'd come in and tuck her in goodnight. He looked over at
his dad, raising five fingers up to symbolize "Five minutes?" His dad
nodded and they went inside.
The house was dark except for a few lights her parents had left
on for her. They went in her room. He wished he could stay, he told her
that. She kissed him, then took out a large t-shirt to wear to bed. She
got undressed in front of him, with the lights on, for the first time.
He sat on her bed and stared at her, his dick throbbing in his pants
while he looked her over. She was still short and light, but God, was
she getting built. She pulled her hair out of the ponytail, and it fell
over her shoulders, cascading over her back and breasts. He shook his
head at her, saying,
"You're killing me."
She only smiled and stood between his knees, leaning over to take
him in her arms. She kissed him. He looked over at the clock, he'd been
in there almost five minutes. She smiled at him again, then pulled on
the t-shirt and climbed over him and into bed. He had to rip himself
from her arms after he whispered how much he loved her. She kissed him
again, whispering back that she loved him too.
"Goodnight, my love," he said softly.
"Goodnight, Ry,"
He covered her up with her warm comforter. He loved her so much
he thought he was going to explode. It wasn't about sex. He didn't care
if she wouldn't have sex with him for another ten years. I could have
sex with any whore off the street, he thought. He needed Jen, he loved Jen.
He turned off her light and softly closed the door, then let
himself out quietly.
Lying in bed, Jen hugged the teddy bear he'd given her for their
three-month anniversary. She was too excited to sleep, she didn't fall
to sleep for a few hours. She thought about how much she loved Ryan, and
how she wanted him to take her virginity, and how she wanted to marry him
and be with him forever.
Chapter 12
When the weather began to thaw Ryan began working at his dad's
construction company, something he'd done since puberty. It was hard
work, but it worked his body out well enough he supposed. He worked on
the weekends, which meant he had less time to spend with Jen and his
friends, but he was making a lot of money. He vowed to save it so he
could get a car as soon as he got his license. He turned sixteen in
November, and he calculated how many hours he would have to work till
then to get a car. Plus, he wanted to get something really nice for Jen
on their anniversary.
In May Jen got a letter from Danny, the guy she'd broken up with
when she'd first met Ryan. He'd moved away to Washington state about two
months before. She hadn't really spoken to him since they'd broken up.
The letter first off said how sorry he was that he'd treated her
so badly, and how he realized now what a good thing he'd given up. It
continued,
"I know you've got a good thing going with that guy Ryan. (At
least you did last I heard--are you still going out?) But I've never
stopped loving you, which may sound strange considering the shitty way I
treated you. I want you to realize that it wasn't because of anything
you did, but because I was scared that if I was too strong you'd get sick
of me and break up with me. You were my first real girlfriend and I
guess I didn't know how to act. There's no "girlfriend manual" (that's
suppose to be a joke ha ha). Of course I blew it. You're probably
wondering why I'm even writing you, but I kinda hoped we can be friends
still. If you don't want to be than you don't have to write me back. It
sucks here by the way.
Love,
Danny Muir
Ps Your boyfriend is a lucky guy"
Jen was blown away. She'd tried to forget Danny, he'd hurt her a
lot. But she didn't hate him. She planned on writing him back.
She wasn't going to say anything to Ryan, but one night when they
were on the phone she did anyway. He was watching TV and not really
talking to her. She tried to get his attention.
"Hey, guess who I got a letter from the other day," she said mysteriously.
"Ed MacMahon," Ryan said sarcastically. "You've won a million
dollars. Wanna share the wealth?"
"No," she said triumphantly. "Remember Danny Muir?"
That got his attention. "Danny Muir?" he asked. "That guy you
broke up with to go out with me?"
"Well, Ryan," she said. "Uh, I didn't break up with him so I
could go out with you. We'd broken up before I met you. Or we did like
right after. Don't you remember?"
"Oh, yeah, I guess," he said sullenly.
She didn't like his tone. They'd never fought before and it
upset her.
"Well?" he demanded.
"Well what?"
"What did old Danny boy want?" he asked.
"Oh, nothing. . . " she answered, playing with her fingernails
and wondering why he was being like this.
"Well, obviously he wanted something if he wrote you. What did
he say?"
"How about if I read you the letter?" she asked sarcastically.
"Yeah, read it to me."
"Fine!"
She got the letter out and started to read it. After she read
where it said, "I know you have a good thing going with that guy Ryan,"
Ryan interrupted, saying, "That's right."
She ignored him and continued, skipping the part where he asked
if they were still together. She considered skipping the next line as
well, but didn't. "'But I've never stopped loving you, which. . .'"
Ryan interrupted her again in a disgusted tone, saying, "Yeah,
sure. He never loved *you.*"
"Excuse me?" she demanded, hurt.
"What? He didn't love you. I love you. I mean, you guys were
only going out for like--not even a month, right?"
"So?" She didn't know why she said that, she understood his
point, but was still hurt by his attitude.
"What do you mean 'so?'? Danny was a mistake for you," he said decidedly.
"Fuck you!" she snapped. "Where the fuck do you get off
analyzing every relationship I've had? You've never even met Danny! I
would not say he was a mistake," she said, trying to hurt him.
He made a disgusted sound. "Oh, yeah right. So, what, why's he
even writing you? He obviously wants something from you."
"Yeah, you didn't even let me finish reading the letter. You
were too busy spazzing out. Maybe he wants to be friends with me. You
know, there's no law that says we can't be friends."
"Uh, excuse me? Maybe there's my law."
"Oh, my God I can't believe this! Why the hell are you being
like this?"
"Like WHAT?"
"I can't believe this. Fuck you Ryan. Fuck you." She slammed
the phone down, then took it off the hook so she could explain to herself
that he was probably trying to call her back.
Ryan heard the click and slammed his own receiver down. He was
so pissed. He was pissed off at himself, mainly, he never meant to tell
Jen what to do. Or who she could be friends with. But the idea of
another guy telling Jen that he loved her forced something inside him to
snap.
"Dammit," he muttered to himself, punching his pillow. He'd been
nearly asleep when she'd called. He was so exhausted anyway, he'd worked
hard that weekend and was up late last night doing his homework. I'm
working hard for her, he thought. She's probably not even grateful. He
felt a twinge of pain in his heart, knowing she would be grateful if she
knew he was working for her.
He dialed her number; it was busy. Big surprise, he thought to
himself, she's probably calling everyone we know and telling them what
happened so they can hate me. He dialed Josh's number.
"Hullo?" said Josh.
"'Sup?"
"Nothin'."
"Dude, my girlfriend just went ballistic on me. . . " complained Ryan.
"What happened?"
"Fuck. She got some letter from her ex-boyfriend who's all, 'I
still love you. . . '" he said in a high whiny voice. "And she's like,
'Oh, me and him can be friends!'" he said, imitating Jen in a gung-ho
sort of voice.
"Not," agreed Josh.
"No shit, huh?" he said, disgusted. "And I told her that and she
like spazzed and hung up on me."
"This happen just now?"
"Yeah. . . "
"Shit. You should just dump her dude. I mean, she's a hella
prude anyway."
Ryan paused. "She's not a prude," he said defensively. "She's
just a virgin--that's different."
"Yeah, and you're one too because of it. Dude, I swear, you
don't need this shit. I mean, you can stay together with this chick--and
don't get me wrong, I like Jen, I do--but it's like, you can't let her
run everything, you know what I mean?"
"I suppose," he said, thinking it over.
"Any other girl would gladly have you."
"You think so?"
"I know so. Dude, hella skirts are always coming up to me, 'Does
your friend Ryan have a girlfriend? He's cuuuuuuuuuute!'" he said in a
girlish voice. "I mean, think about it!"
"Yeah, but dude, I mean, I really like this girl," he said.
Josh paused. "Well, I guess. If that's the way you want it or
whatever. I mean, I think you shouldn't call her back and kiss her ass
though. If you're gonna have a serious girlfriend, you need to keep your
nuts intact."
"Yeah, I'm not gonna call her."
"Dude, I gotta go. Alicia's on the other line."
"Fine. Later."
"Bye."
Ryan laid on his back, staring at the ceiling. His eyes welled
up with tears, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight so one rolled out down
his face and onto his pillow. Fuck Jen, he said several times. I'm not
going to call her back, he promised himself. He stared at his phone,
picturing Jen dialing his number right this minute.
"I'm sorry we fought Ry," she would whine. "I'm sorry I was such
a bitch. . . "
Ryan thought of all the things he could say. Then he thought of
all the things he could have said differently. He should have calmly
asked her how she felt about the letter. He rolled his eyes, thinking he
sounded like one of those new-aged psychoanalysts: "Let's all get in
touch with our feelings!"
He tossed and turned in bed, wishing he could go back in time a
few hours. He heard his parents go to bed, heard the dishwasher's quiet
hum. He wondered if she was still his girlfriend. She'd said "Fuck you"
to him. Did she mean it like, "'fuck you' fuck-you", or like, "fuck
*you*! we're through! fuck-you?"
Ryan laid in bed for several hours. He squeezed out a few more
tears, as many as he could to feel more sorry for himself. His clock
read 1: 36 am. Jen was probably asleep by now. He wished he was
asleep. He could call her and hope she answered before her parents, but
they'd probably be woken up and pissed off at him. He pictured her dad
pummeling him for calling so late. That brought a smile to his face anyway.
His wild imagination kicked in, and he imagined her stealing her
parent's credit card tomorrow morning, cutting school and flying up to
see Danny wherever he lived, Washington or Oregon or something. He saw
her, seductively removing her clothes and spreading her legs for Danny,
moaning that she wanted him. Danny would be on her in a flash. He
probably has a huge dick too, thought Ryan. He imagined Jen telling her
girlfriends all about its length and girth.
She's not a prude, he thought defensively. Man, he thought
angrily, I have to apologize. It's my damn fault. I bet she'll never
forgive me. She probably thinks I'm some possessive psycho who would
have started beating her anyway. "The first sign was when he started
telling me who my friends could be!" he pictured Jen crying, while on
Oprah or Sally Jessey Raphael or some shit.
Fuck, he thought, getting up. He didn't have a dime or he could
call a cab. He considered stealing money from his mom's purse, but upon
investigation it was nowhere to be found, it must be in her bedroom. He
could steal the car. He could drive perfectly. But there's no way his
parents wouldn't wake up though, and plus, he'd be grounded forever and
then he'd never get his license. He looked around the dark kitchen, and
turned on the light over the table. He got out a pad of paper and a pen.
"Dear Jen," he wrote. "I'm sorry. I'm a jerk. Please forgive
me? I love you. -Ryan".
He rewrote it a couple of times, so the writing was neat and not
scribbled. He added in, "I was totally wrong. Please give me another
chance," in place of "I'm a jerk," and "Please forgive me." It sounded
more serious. He folded it up neatly and wrote "Jen" on the outside.
He got his warm jacket and jeans on, and put his baseball hat
on. He took his bike out of the side garage door, wheeling it out and
opening the gate. It didn't creak, his dad kept it too well oiled for
that. It was so dark he could barely see. There were no street lights
in his neighborhood, and the streets were narrow and curvy. It was
freezing out.
He pedaled down the mountain, scared every time he saw
headlights. It could be a cop thinking he was up to no good, who would
gladly escort him home. He biked down the main street of his town, a
small, wealthy residential community in the hills. Everything was closed
up tight, even the gas station was closed.
Part of the way was pure highway, 55 mph and everything. He
tried to stay to the side of the rode. He pedaled furiously, his lungs
burning from the cold air. He felt relieved when he got to the main
street near Jen's town. The bright lights and all the cars shocked him,
but he knew where he was and he was almost there.
He cut through the elementary school next to Jen's street. It
seemed like an eternity since he'd left his home, but finally he was here.
He left his bike in front, sure no one would wander by her
culdesac and steal it at this hour, and not in her wealthy neighborhood.
He climbed the wall in front of her house, praying it wasn't rigged for
security. He went up her driveway to the gate on the side of the house,
it would lead him to the glass sliding door to her room. He'd joked
before about that door, about she could let him in at night without her
parents knowing.
He looked at the gate. He was pretty sure it was rigged. If he
set it off and her parents called the police, he'd look like a huge
fucking fool. If her dad didn't shoot him first that is. He'd planned
on taping the note to her door so she saw it first thing. He had a
little side fantasy that she'd see him taping it up and she'd invite him
in and they'd make up.
Shit, he thought. That's not going to happen. He looked again
at the gate. He went around to her front door and placed the piece of
paper on the doormat. He stared at it, hoping her dad wouldn't step on
it and drag it around all over the city before he eventually noticed it
and threw it away.
Ryan hopped up over the wall, and picked up his bike. Climbing
on it, he looked again at her house, and imagined her sleeping peacefully
just yards away from him. He tried to send her a mental message. "I
love you, Jen," he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. He took a deep
breath and rode home.
*****
Jen had talked to Dana until about midnight. Dana had advised
her to wait and see, telling her how she was sure Ryan loved her and
didn't mean his behavior. She said he was just jealous. Jen had cried,
so upset, and sure that Ryan had changed or that maybe he wasn't the guy
she thought he was. She said she was glad she hadn't slept with him
yet. She was convinced they were over. Dana agreed on the former, but
still said Jen should take him back. That is, if he comes back, Jen had
pointed out.
Jen was surprised at the note on her carpet the next morning.
Her dad had stuck a post-it on it, saying it was on the doorstep when he
had gone to work at 6:15 am. She read it, and held it to her breast.
Should she call him now? He'd probably be up. Nah, she thought. I'll
call him tonight so we can talk. Plus, she thought with an evil grin,
better let him sweat it.
That night she called him, nervously. What if he'd changed his
mind? He might have thought about it, and decided he didn't want her
forgiveness after all.
"Hello?" said a small voice.
"Will?" she asked.
"Jen?"
"Yeah, it's me."
"Hold on, I'll get Ryan." She heard the phone being put down,
then the sound of Will's footsteps on the kitchen floor. She heard him
yell for Ryan, then, "It's your
giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirlfrieeeeeeeeeeeend!" She laughed. Will was
only seven, and an absolute miniature Ryan.
She heard another phone fumbling, and Ryan's low voice saying,
"Hang it up Will!"
He didn't say anything, but his breathing told her he was there.
Finally, he said, "Hello?"
"Hi."
He paused, then said, "Just a second." He covered up the
receiver, but she still heard him shout, "Will! Hang it up!" followed by
a click and the connection becoming clearer.
"Hi," said Ryan. "Did you get my note?" he asked nervously.
"Yeah, I got it."
"Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm such a jerk. You forgive me?"
"Oh, Ryan. Of course I do. I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have
hung up on you."
"No, I deserved it. I have no business telling you who your
friends can be. You can be friends with him all you want. I love you so
much though, maybe I love you too much for your own good in some ways. I
don't know, I'm so lucky to have you, I mean it."
"Ryan, I'm lucky to have you. You've always been a great boyfriend."
"But I can be better."
"I don't see how, Ry."
"I can never treat you again the way I treated you last night,
like I owned you or something. I promise you I never will. If I ever do
you can kick me out of your life."
"God, Ry, I'd die without you."
"But you better keep me on my toes though."
She laughed. "Aright, I'll keep you on your toes. But Ryan,
don't be afraid to tell me something, how you're feeling, just 'cause you
think I'll get mad or we'll fight. We need to talk about things. It- it
seems like we haven't talked lately. Don't you think so too?"
He paused. "Well, yeah, I guess. It's just that I never see
you. I think we don't see each other as much now, since I've been
working and am too tired to go out and stuff."
"You work too hard. Work less. Your classes are hard enough,"
"Well, you know I'm saving up for a car," he said. "Man, when I
get my license we'll go out all the time."
"Ryan, I bet your parents will buy you a car. Did they say they
wouldn't?"
"No, but I guess I'll appreciate it more if I earn the money
myself," he said, not telling her what else he was planning on spending
the money on.
"God, you're such a hard worker. You're just like your dad, you
know. He works so hard to give you guys everything."
"Yeah, but I think, you know, that my mom wishes he were around more."
"Gee, who does that sound like?" she said.
"Huh?" he said.
"Ryan!"
"What, who. . . me?" he asked.
"Yes, you silly. I worry about you. Just don't get burned out."
"I won't. Don't worry, babe."
"Hey, Ry?"
"Yeah?"
"When did you bring that note over?" she asked, curious.
"Oh, I think it was like 3 or so. Maybe 4."
"You got a ride that late?" she asked incredulously.
"No."
"How'd you get here then?"
"I rode my bike."
Jen gasped. "Ryan! You rode your bike over here! God, that's
like ten miles away! And at night!"
"Well, I wanted you to know I was sorry! I didn't want you to go
to school hating me still. I couldn't call you. Your parents would have
killed me!"
"Oh, honey. . . " she mused. "I can't believe you rode your
bike! You must have been freezing. Weren't you cold?"
"Well, at first. But I rode as fast as I could and got warmed up."
"Oh. . . I didn't hate you you know!" she exclaimed, what he'd
said just now hitting her.
"Well, I didn't know. I mean, you said, "Fuck you" and hung up
on me," he pointed out, sounding hurt at the memory.
"Oh! I feel so bad. If something had happened to you I'd never
have forgiven myself."
"Don't worry about it."
"No, I mean, you could have gotten hit by a car. Or kidnapped!"
He laughed. "I'm a big boy, I can handle myself!"
"You must be exhausted. What time did you get home? Did you get
any sleep last night?"
"No I think I got home at like six or so. It was almost light
out. But it was worth it."
"You know, you could have just called me this morning."
He paused. "Would you have talked to me?"
"Probably not!" she laughed.
"See! It's okay. I got my exercise for the week."
"Oh, and up the mountain too!" she whined. "Poor baby. . . "
"Oh!" he whined back, teasing.
"You must be so tired."
"Yeah. You know when you stay up all night though, after awhile
it's okay. It feels like a dream . . . "
She sighed. "I wish you could come over."
"Yeah, I'll get my bike out."
"Ryan, don't you ever dare ride your bike over here again from
your house. Take a cab. I'll keep money aside just for that."
"No, I'll keep money. I wish I could come over now."
"Well, you're not allowed to."
He sounded hurt. "Why not?"
"Because, Mr. Harper, you're going to take a nice hot bath and
get your butt some sleep tonight!"
"Yeah, okay, that sounds good. How's your butt by the way?"
"It's just fine!" she laughed.
"Can I come over and see your butt this weekend?"
"Well, my parents are going to be home. But other than that you may."
"Can I see something else?"
"Ryan!" she laughed, surprised. "Well, I'll think about whether
or not you can *see* it."
He groaned. "Aright. . . You know, it's like the car. No
offense, really. I appreciate something more when I've earned it, huh?"
"Yeah, you will," she agreed, pleased that he saw her side of it
for once.
"I love you babe," he said softly.
"I love you, too, love. Now go get some sleep!" she insisted.
"'Kay. I'll call you tomorrow. Bye. . . "
"Bye. . . "
Chapter 13
"Oh, Ryan. . . Oh, that feels so good. Oh, wow. . . " she
breathed. He moaned in her ear, her hand gripping his cock.
They were naked together in the guest house of his friend
Josh's. Josh was in the main house, probably fucking Alicia, Ryan had
said. It was late at night, his parents out of town for the weekend at
some wedding.
He was nearly laying on top of her in the bed, his fingers
exploring her tight cunt. Now he was fingerfucking her, which didn't
really do that much for her, she'd realized. He seemed to really get off
on it though. It didn't feel as good as when he massaged her clitoris
anyway, which he'd been doing a minute ago. She gripped him, rubbing his
taut skin up and down, while her tongue played with his.
He came soon, thrashing in the bed and moaning her name. He let
out a wail, and she felt his hot sperm splatter onto her abdomen and chest.
"I wanna fuck you Jen!" he groaned. "Oh, yeah, fuck me, God. . .
" He buried his head on her shoulder, breathing rapidly.
"God," he breathed. "That felt so good."
She was a little annoyed at what he'd said a second ago, but she
supposed he couldn't help it.
"You didn't cum, did you?" he asked once he'd caught his breath,
the disappointment evident in his voice.
"No," she answered. "Really, don't worry." He was always
wanting to know if she'd cum ever since he'd started fingering her. She
couldn't help but moan, and he was thrilled. She could have had him kept
trying, of course, but she was scared that she still wouldn't cum, and
then they would both feel horrible.
"Well! When you cum, you'll know why I always wanted you to.
But it felt good?" he asked, wistfully.
"Yes, dearie. It felt great. Don't worry. Girls are different
than guys, if we don't cum it's not the end of the world. We're just
built that way."
"I know that . . . "
She snuggled up to him, under the covers.
"I'm gonna miss you when you're gone," he said sadly.
"I'll only be gone three and a half weeks!" she said. "Then
we'll have the rest of the summer together. I'll write you every day.
You won't even know I'm gone."
"Can't you stay home?"
"No, I can't. No offense, but I'm looking forward to going
away. I went to this camp for five years! Now I get to be a counselor.
It's gonna be fun. I promise I'll write you," she repeated, rubbing his
chest.
"You promise you won't meet any hot guy counselors?"
"Well, I'll *try* not to," she teased.
He kissed her, tickling her and then pinning her arms to the
mattress while he lay on top of her and she giggled. He kissed her again.
"Let's do it tonight," he whispered, looking into her eyes in the
moonlight that poured in, the summer night hot outside.
She shook her head, smiling at him sadly.
"Please?" he begged. "Can't I have a going away present?"
"No, Ry. I said no."
"Aright," he gave in. He didn't want to fight with her tonight.
He wouldn't be seeing her for nearly a month, and plus, he didn't want to
give her any reason to spend any time in any "hot guy counselor's" arms.
"I'm gonna be so bored without you."
"No you won't. I'll be home soon."
"I'll be working hard while you're gone," he said, trying to
impress her. "I'm working full time on that house on Woodcrest Court now
that school's out."
"You always work hard."
"Someday, I'll build you the biggest house you'd ever want."
"As long as it's big enough for me, you, and our thirty-five cats
it'll be fine with me sweetheart."
Ryan laughed. He blew raspberries on her breasts and she
shrieked in laughter. They rolled around, in bed, and she lay on him,
her breasts pressed against his chest. They kissed, and whispered that
they loved each other.
*****
She couldn't write him everyday, but sent him several postcards a
week, plus three long letters. He worked hard, getting up at sunrise
with his dad and moving and lifting pipes and beams around all day. His
back burned and blistered, but then tanned like he'd hoped it would. He
was stiff and tired every day, and dreaded the hateful sound of his alarm
when it went off in the dark every morning. But he'd feel so guilty if
he quit now. The other guys would probably laugh that he was a spoiled
brat if he didn't show up. "Daddy's boy."
The night she came home he called her as soon as she walked
through the door. Her mom drove her over immediately, and she spent most
of the night making out with him on the couch while his little brothers
watched TV. Robby and Will groaned and made gagging sounds, but didn't
leave, and in fact stared at them half of the time, fascinated. His
parents just laughed, relieved that they weren't locked in his room
anyway. His parents had always been very affectionate in front of their
children, so it wasn't especially shocking.
Later that week he'd promised her they go out. Dana and her
boyfriend, Jared, picked her up, and they went to the party where Ryan
had planned on meeting her after work. Jen started to drink, and got
pretty drunk waiting for him. She'd drank before, and he had too, so it
wasn't like he would have been mad at her or something. Around
eight-thirty he still hadn't shown up, and she called him, wondering
where he was. His mom answered, telling her that he was asleep.
"He's asleep?" she asked, shocked.
"Yeah, I just went in there and he's out. Do you need for me to
wake him up for you?"
"Yeah, wake him up."
A minute or two later a sleepy sounding Ryan answered the phone.
"Ryan! What are you doing? You said you meet me here like,
awhile ago!"
"Oh. Sorry. I guess I fell asleep. What time's it?" he mumbled.
"It's almost nine," she said crossly. "What the hell?" she demanded.
"Oh. I'm sorry. I guess I can't make it. I'm really tired."
"Well, why didn't you call me?"
"Dude, I said I just fell asleep! I didn't plan on ditching you
or anything. Besides, I don't have the phone number where you are."
"Whatever," she said, disappointed and not bothering to hide it.
"What? Hey, babe, I didn't do it on purpose you know. I'm
sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise."
"Aright."
"Mad?"
"No, not mad," she sighed.
"I'll call you tomorrow."
"Okay. 'Bye." she said, hanging up the phone, not even giving
him the chance to say "I love you," which he was about to.
She had a few more beers, then got into a rubber band fight with
this guy she'd never met before. She was running around and tripping on
the carpet, laughing so hard she had to catch her breath. He kept
threatening to throw her in the pool good-naturedly.
She saw him about half an hour later, they ended up on the couch
together, watching TV. His name was Brett and he was going to be a
senior. Brett couldn't believe Jen was only a sophomore, she could pass
for a senior any day, he said. He asked if she had a boyfriend.
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but you know what?" she asked in a
silly manner.
"What?" he asked back.
"He forgot to come tonight!"
"He did?"
"Yeah! He fell asleep!" she exclaimed, bursting into laughter.
She leaned on Brett's shoulder, drunk.
"Well! That's not a very nice boyfriend. Maybe you should dump him."
Jen just kept laughing. This guy across the room from her was
making funny faces at her.
Brett said something she didn't understand, in some other
language she was sure.
"Huh? What's that mean?" she asked him.
"It means 'I love you' in Spanish."
"You know what?" she asked him.
"What?"
"I can say 'I love you' in ten different languages!"
"Really? Do it then!" he said.
She paused, batting her eyelashes at him. "'I love you in ten
different languages'!" she laughed.
He laughed too, then said, "Uh oh! You tricked me! That wasn't
very nice."
"Oh, well too bad for you!" she laughed, getting up to go find Dana.
She found her in the bedroom, laying on the bed with Jared and
looking at some CD's. Some other people were there too, Jen didn't
notice who.
She laid on the bed next to Dana, finding it hard to get up once
her head hit the pillow. She was part of the conversation for awhile,
and had a brief recollection of that guy Brett coming in the room
sometime and talking too, but soon she drifted out of it.
She jerked out of sleep. It was dark now--what time was it? Had
Dana left her? What had woken her up?
She saw the red numbers of a digital clock--it was 12: 55. One
small lamp was on, but the ceiling light was turned off. She realized
all of this in about two seconds, and looked over and jumped. Brett was
laying next to her, his face only inches from hers.
She moved back a little bit. "What?" she asked incoherently.
Then she realized why she had woken up--his hand was up her
shirt, feeling her breasts.
She tried to push him away, not understanding what was going on
and really only half conscious. But his mouth covered hers, and she felt
his wet tongue plunge into her mouth.
"Uhhhhhhh!" she cried, trying to push him away again unsuccessfully.
"Oh, Jen," he whispered, his erection pressed into her thigh.
"Go away!" she said, not understanding at all what was going on.
She rolled onto her stomach and hid her head under the pillow, nearly
passing out again.
She felt his hand under her skirt, between her legs, and kicked
wildly in response to his fingers poking into her, over her underwear.
She rolled onto her back again and sat up.
"I don't like you," she pouted, trying to get up.
"Well, I like you," he said, preventing her from doing so.
"Why don't you leave me alone?" she whined, near tears. "I have
a boyfriend!"
"Yeah, well he's not here, remember? And while you were asleep
he called and told me to tell you that he doesn't love you anymore,"
Brett joked, pulling her back down and rolling on top of her.
She burst into tears, trying to hit him but he blocked her
punches. She tried to kick him but he was too strong, and she was too
drunk. She squirmed under his weight, and she felt his big hardon poking
against her. He rubbed his body on hers, shivering in pleasure from the
sensations. He lifted up a bit so he could pull her skirt up.
Right then Jen realized exactly what was happening. She opened
her mouth to scream and his hand was right there, clamped over her mouth
and absorbing the sound. This is like a dream, she though wildly.
Where's Ryan?
He took his hand away and a small yelp came out. He grabbed her
shoulders and shook her hard.
"Shut up Jen!" he said in a fierce whisper. "What's the matter
with you?" he demanded. His eyes frightened her, she wondered if he was
going to kill her. Only one other thought kept running over and over in
her mind while he inserted a finger up into her, hurting her. He took
his dick out, actually, he made her take it out. He yanked her underwear
down to her knees and repositioned himself. He wrapped her hand around
his dick, saying softly, and proudly, "Don't you think it's big?"
Before she could answer, a knock came on the door. Some guy's
voice asked, "Who's in there?"
Jen shrieked with all her might. The door was locked, she heard
it being tried, and someone pounded on the door. Jen screamed, "Help
me! Please!" while she sobbed.
He shook her again, hissing, "Shut up!"
She took advantage of the sudden interruption. Her hand around
his dick, she reached down and squeezed his testicles as hard as she
could. She didn't care if they exploded like tomatoes. He screamed in
agony, and she pushed him off her and struggled to run to the door,
difficult with her underwear pulled down.
"Bitch!" Brett groaned at her.
Right then the door flew open, she saw Dana's face, and some guy
stood there with a Swiss Army knife, used to unlock the door. A bunch of
other people stood staring.
Sobbing, she pulled her underwear back up and saw Brett putting
his dick away out of the corner of her eyes. She pushed her way out of
the crowd, trying not to trip. Where was the bathroom? she thought
hazily. She'd been there at least ten times tonight.
She found it, Dana trailing after her. She slammed the door
shut, and leaned behind her against it, fumbling with the lock while she
stared at the toilet. God, her head hurt. She fell forward and threw up.
Chapter 14
Ryan went to work the next day with a vague remembrance of Jen
calling him, annoyed that he'd stood her up.
He'd promised her he'd make it up to her, so it wasn't the end of
the world, he reasoned with himself to get it out of his mind.
The sun was bright overhead in the morning sky as Ryan went to
work. Break time he talked with this guy Chris, who was a senior at
another school. He'd started working for Ryan's dad last summer, and had
sort of become friends with him although they didn't hang out after work.
Chris told him about some party he went to the night before,
mentioning that he may have to go to court.
"Why?" asked Ryan. Chris was full of shit.
"Oh, some chick got raped! I may be a witness!"
"Oh, yeah?" he asked.
"Yeah. We beat the hell out of the guy too."
"Good!"
"Yeah, it was out in the Oaks."
"Oh yeah? I think I heard of that party! My friends went."
"Well, there's hella parties around there," said Chris
nonchalantly, as though Ryan wouldn't be cool enough to know of a party
that Chris attended.
"Oh yeah, so what happened? Did the cops come?"
"I don't know, I left pretty soon after."
"Oh. That sucks," he said, hoping to wrap up the conversation.
He called Jen as soon as he got off work. He wasn't too tired
and wanted to go out maybe.
"Hello?" she said.
"Hi, what's up?" he said.
She paused. "Oh, hi Ryan. Nothing much," she answered sweetly.
"I'm sorry about last night. . . " he began.
"What about it?"
"Don't you remember? I fell asleep and stood you up. Don't tell
me you forgot--I thought you were pissed! Spent all day worrying about
whether or not you'd talk to me tonight."
"I always talk to you Ryan," she said in a wounded tone.
"I know you do--I'm only kidding." Shit, he thought, she's still
pissed at me.
She didn't say anything. He changed the subject.
"So, how was that party last night?" he asked.
"Fine."
"Did you get drunk?" he asked.
"I don't know," she said in an annoyed tone.
"God, just asking. Hey, did some girl get raped at the party?"
She paused. "What?"
"I heard from this guy Chris at work that some girl got raped at
a party in the Oaks last night. Was that at the one you went to?"
"No."
"Oh. So, nothing exciting happened?" he asked, trying to make
conversation.
"No, nothing *exciting* happened. Anyway, I left early, like,
right after I talked to you."
"Oh. Bored huh?"
"Yeah, Ryan, I was just so bored without my boy," she laughed.
"Of course you were," he said, relieved that her mood seemed to
be improving.
"Ryan?"
"Yeah?"
"I gotta go."
"Oh, why?"
"Because dinner's ready," she lied.
"Will you call me after dinner?"
"Yeah, maybe. Probably."
"Aright. I love you. . . "
"I love you too," she said quickly, and hung up.
She called him back later, wanting to tell him what had happened
but at the same time wanting to forget about it. She knew it would be
hard to do that if he knew. Not that many people at the party knew him,
and she'd made Dana promise not to tell, so she figured he wouldn't find
out. She supposed he'd get mad if he did, but would he get mad at her
too for being so irresponsible? He'd want to know every detail
probably. What if he felt weird that another guy had touched her? She'd
just as soon forget about it. It wasn't like the jerk actually raped
her. They'd both been drunk. She tried to forget about it.
Ryan wanted her to come over that night to hang out. Her mom
offered to drive so she said she guessed she'd see him in awhile.
After they'd hung up Josh called him.
"What's up?" he asked.
"Oh, nothing," said Ryan.
"So, you pissed?"
"Pissed about what?" he asked.
"You know."
"No, I don't. What am I supposed to be pissed about?"
"Dude, you didn't hear? She didn't tell you?" Josh sounded surprised.
"What?!?" Ryan was getting annoyed.
"About what happened last night at the party. Why didn't you go, anyway?"
"Dude, if you don't tell me what the fuck happened I'm gonna kick
your ass. Are you talking about Jen?"
"Yeah. Have you talked to her yet today?"
"Yeah! I just got off the phone with her. She's coming over."
"Oh. . . "
"Are you fucking with me? What happened?"
"Oh, man! Some guy like completely attacked her!"
"What? He hit her?" Ryan yelled.
"No. . . He liked, raped her. Or he tried to. I heard from
Jared that she got away before he actually did it. But then I heard from
this other guy that he did rape her."
Ryan was silent.
"Ryan?" asked Josh, gently.
"I'm gonna kill him," he said quietly. "I swear to God, I'm
gonna fucking kill him!" he screamed.
"Dude, Jared said they beat the fuck out of him. His name's like
Brett something."
"I can't believe this. Why the fuck didn't she tell me?" he demanded.
"I don't know. Maybe she thought you'd get mad."
"Oh, bullshit. What the hell?" he demanded. "What happened? Is
she okay?"
"I don't know. I wasn't there."
Ryan paused, thinking. "Dude, I gotta go."
"Aright. God, I thought you knew. . . "
"Well, later."
"Later."
Ryan, trying to fight back tears, called Jen, his hands shaking.
She'd already left. He sat on the edge of his bed, his head in his
hands. What had happened? She must be going crazy inside, she must be
hurting. She *had* sounded weird, he recalled. He'd thought it was just
because she was mad at him. Maybe she was mad at him because he wasn't
there. Did they take her to the hospital? He still didn't know whether
or not she'd actually been raped. He called Dana.
"Hello?"
"Dana? It's Ryan."
"Oh, hi Ryan," she said. He didn't usually call her, and if he
did, it was always concerning Jen. She had a feeling he'd found out
about what happened.
"Dana, you need to tell me what happened."
She didn't say anything. She'd promised Jen she wouldn't tell.
She racked her brain to think of a good lie.
"Dana! Tell me!" he said, sounding as if he'd been crying, or
still was maybe.
Her heart melted, she'd thought Jen should have told him, and had
told her so.
"Is she okay?" he demanded. "Why didn't she tell me?"
"Oh. Yeah, she's okay. She was pretty upset at first, she
locked herself in the bathroom for like half an hour."
Shit, he thought. "Did you call the police--wait, did he
actually rape her or not?"
"Oh, no!" she said. "He was about to, but she got him in the
nuts finally and got out of the room."
He breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God. What happened?"
"Oh, well. She passed out in this bedroom and he went in and
locked the door. She woke up when he was trying to."
"Did he hurt her?"
"Oh, not really. He grabbed her arms and pinned her down and
stuff but he didn't hit her or anything. She was lucky she got out,
though. He was fully ready to rape her. He had like, well, when the
door got opened she was pulling up her underwear--she was wearing her
jean skirt--and he was pulling his pants up. She was totally crying."
"Why the fuck did you leave her there alone?" he demanded angrily.
"Well, we thought she'd be okay! I mean, you don't fully expect
someone to rape her just because she's passed out."
"Dana, why didn't she tell me?" Ryan asked.
"I don't know. And I'm not telling you this, okay? You didn't
hear it from me. She made me promise I wouldn't tell you."
"Why?" he demanded. "Why the hell didn't she want me to know?"
"I don't know, maybe she thought you'd be mad or think she
deserved it or something"
"Why the fuck would I be mad? Do I sound mad at her?"
"I don't know. I guess not."
"I can't believe this. Why did I have to fall asleep? I wasn't
there for her when she needed me. Maybe she's mad at me because I wasn't
there?"
"Oh, I don't think so."
Now that he knew she was okay, he began to get angry. "She lied
to me," he said.
"How?"
"Well, I asked her if anything happened and she said no. She
told me that she left at like nine. She didn't, did she?" he asked
rhetorically.
"No. . . We left at like three or so."
"Fuck. I can't believe she lied to me about this." Lying was a
cardinal sin at his house.
Dana said nothing, trying to think of anything else she could say.
He saw headlights, then heard Will yelling that she was here.
"Dana? I gotta go. She's here."
"Oh, she's coming over? I didn't tell you anything!" she reminded.
"I know, don't worry. Dana?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
"You're welcome I guess. Bye."
"Bye."
He heard the front door open, and his mom telling Jen that he was
in his room. He heard her knock.
He told her to come in. She walked in, smiling at him. She sat
on the bed next to him.
She's acting like nothing's wrong, he thought. Why are you
acting like nothing's wrong? What the hell is the matter with you? he
thought angrily. Why'd you fucking lie to me?
He was completely staring at her. Oh, my God, she thought, he
must know. He looks so pissed!
"What?" she said defensively.
"Why'd you lie to me?" he asked sullenly.
"What? I didn't lie to you!"
"Don't lie!" he said angrily.
"Ryan!"
"You didn't fucking tell me. Why couldn't you fucking tell me?
You told me nothing happened!"
"Ryan! Stop yelling at me," she said, trying not to cry. "I
didn't lie to you. . . " she said pathetically.
"Oh come off it."
"Fine," she said tearfully, standing up. "Fine."
"Where are you going?" he demanded.
"I'm leaving," she said, bursting into tears.
Ryan jumped up and blocked the door.
"No! You can't just run away," he said, preventing her from
opening the door.
He was bigger than her; frustrated, she turned her back on him,
sobbing. "No, you're just yelling at me. We can't talk if all you're
gonna do is yell. I wanna go home!" she cried, her face in her hands.
She leaned her head against his wall. "Let me leave!" she wailed.
"No, come on," he said. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling
her to him. She wouldn't turn around, and tried to push his arms off her.
"I'm not mad at you. I didn't mean to yell. Please can we
talk? We need to." He held her in his arms, resting his chin on her
head. "I love you," he whispered.
She shook her head. "I'm sorry."
He turned her around, and held her face in his hands while she
wouldn't look at him.
"No, it's not your fault. It's his fault."
"No, I-I'm sorry I lied. I never meant to. I was just scared."
He made her look at him. "Why were you scared?"
"I don't know," she whined. "I just didn't want to talk about
it. I didn't want you to know about it."
"Why?"
"Because then you'd make me talk about it!" she wailed.
"Well, it hurts me that you couldn't tell me," he told her. "It
hurts me that you lied."
She buried her head on his shoulder, "I didn't mean to. . . "
"I know," he said, even though he really didn't. She sat down on
his bed, still crying.
He laid down on his bed, burying his head in his pillow, still
angry at her. He'd always told her he'd be there for her. Obviously she
didn't think so. There must be something wrong with us if she couldn't
tell me, he thought. He wanted to say that, but couldn't. Instead he
wished she'd leave, really. He still loved her, but right then he wished
she'd leave. She didn't want to talk about it anyway. What could he do?
She laid down next to him. He looked at her. She looked so
pathetic, and not very attractive with her eyes puffy and raccoon-like
from crying. He couldn't tell her to leave though. He looked away.
They just laid on the bed for several minutes, neither saying anything.
"It- it was just so gross. It was like a dream," she finally
whispered, staring at the ceiling.
He felt guilty right away that he had wished she'd left. It must
be hard for Jen to talk about it, he reasoned. He held her again,
telling her it was okay.
She pointed out his shirt, dirty from her makeup. "I'm sorry,"
she said. He shook his head at her, telling her not to worry about it.
"I'm gonna kill him you know," he told her.
"No! Ryan, no. I don't want you to get hurt!"
"Don't worry."
"No, please. They already beat him up. I think he's sorry."
"Yeah, I'm sure he's sorry that he didn't get to finish. Man,
Jen! I can't believe somebody would do that to you!"
"Well, he was drunk. He probably didn't know what he was doing"
That got Ryan mad again. "Whad'ya mean 'he was drunk'? Who
cares?!?" he demanded.
"I don't know," she said defensively. "I mean, I was just saying
. . . "
"Well, that's no excuse. I don't care if he was drunk. What he
did still counts. Don't ever excuse someone's behavior just because they
were drunk, not when it's something bad like this."
She started crying again.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell," he said, feeling bad.
She shook her head. "No, I mean. . . I- I kept thinking one
thing when it was happening. It was the worst part of it, of what almost
happened."
"What?"
"I . . . " she cried. "I kept thinking that you wouldn't be the
one who took my virginity. I wouldn't have been able to give it to you!"
she sobbed.
His heart broke. "Oh, Jen," he whispered. "I wouldn't have
cared about that. I love you. Don't ever forget that, will ya?"
She just cried.
continued. . .
Chapter 15
"The Brett Incident," as it was eventually titled, caused them to
become even closer. He became a little more protective of her, and
guarded her closely whenever they were together. Deep down he felt
guilty about the whole thing, especially about his anger at her and for
not being there in the first place.
He was the greatest, and Jen knew she was going to sleep with him
soon, although she wasn't yet sure if she really wanted to actually do it
for herself. It was getting hard to resist him though.
The only reason she hadn't let him was a fear somewhere that
their relationship was going to change after they did it. They were so
great together, nobody ever challenged that. Of course, she knew it
would change, but would it change for the worse? What if he decided he
didn't want her anymore? It had happened to her friend Melissa. She'd
been with her boyfriend for eight months before she'd slept with him.
He'd broken up with her soon after. Said she was trying to control him,
he had, which was of course ridiculous. Jen didn't want anything to
change; she was happy with their relationship the way it was she supposed.
But God, he got this look in his eyes sometimes. He'd stopped
begging her, though, with words, and replaced them with the look.
In September she went to see the gynecologist. She'd been having
problems with her period. It was lasting nearly a week sometimes. Once
she got it two weeks after the last one ended. She'd called Ryan's mom,
because her own mom was out of town at a medical seminar. Karen made an
appointment for her with her doctor. She didn't tell her what the doctor
said though, nor that she took his advice. She didn't want Ryan's mom to
know she was on the pill.
The weekend after she first started taking it, she went to
Alicia's house Saturday night.
Josh, Alicia, Scott, Corey, Ryan, and Jen all ended up in her
parents' room, who were gone. Scott put in a porno movie, and they all
watched, fascinated. Jen had seen them before; her sixth grade boyfriend
had stolen them from his step-father and showed them to her all the time.
Everybody made comments about the action. It was just scene
after scene of explicit sex, no bothering with a plot or anything. The
guys made comments about "how loose that shit is" and "Boy, he's gettin'
up that!" The girls screamed and covered their eyes when two girls went
after each other, while the guys whooped and drooled.
During one scene, Alicia commented on how her and Josh should try
the gymnastic position being used. Jen noticed Ryan looking at Alicia
when she said that, looking at her longer than everyone else's glances.
She felt a twinge of jealousy. Maybe he's thinking he should go for her;
she'd fuck him. But she knew Ryan would never go after his friend's
girl, even if he wasn't with Jen. She tried to push the jealousy out of
her mind, but the thought of him thinking it still hurt..
She was sitting on his lap in an easy chair, his hardon pressed
into her thigh. She looked up at him, and he smiled at her briefly, then
returned his gaze to the screen, his breathing rapid. She looked back at
the movie, this time some girl was sucking one guy's dick while being
fucked by another doggy style. The girl was screaming loudly, and
moaning while she pumped her mouth around his dick. He gasped and
groaned, while the other guy grunted, stuffing his huge dick into her red
cunt.
The movie turned her on, of course, but she noted that the
close-ups of the fucking were gross. The guys disagreed, except Ryan,
who just stared. There was a close-up of the face of the guy who was
being fellated; it was contorted in pleasure. The woman in the movie
screamed, and concentrated on being fucked for a minute while she removed
her mouth from the dick.
"Oh, come on!" said Corey. "Suck his dick again!" He laughed,
looking at Jen. "Jen needs to learn how!"
She gasped and laughed, insulted, telling him to fuck off. Shit,
she thought. Ryan said nothing, and she avoided looking at him.
The woman kept moaning, and screaming. Josh laughed, saying,
"Why, Alicia, she sounds like you!"
"Yeah!" laughed Alicia, who started moaning and crying out as if
in pleasure.
Ryan said suddenly, "Hey! Get up a sec," to Jen, and he leapt up
and went out the sliding door into the backyard. As he unlocked the door
and disappeared behind the curtains, Scott chided,
"Hey, Ryan! Try not to cum on his mom's rose bush!" Everyone laughed.
Jen was horrified, embarrassed. Why'd he leave? He isn't
getting off for real, is he? she wondered.
Corey looked over at Jen. "God Jen, why don't you treat Ryan right?"
"Excuse me?"
"Why are you so mean to him?"
"I'm not mean to him," she said, although at that moment she felt
anything was possible.
"Why won't you sleep with him?" asked Josh, sounding extremely concerned.
"I don't know," she replied. She felt like the biggest uptight
bitch on the planet, and like a big baby next to Alicia.
"Well, maybe you oughtta think about it," he said sarcastically.
"Why do you care?"
"He's my best friend."
"Yeah?"
"Dude, you don't understand, do you?" asked Scott in a disgusted tone.
God, everybody's ganging up on me! she thought. "What?"
"He's a guy!" he said, slowly, as though she was retarded.
She didn't answer.
"He needs it!"
"Leave her alone!" interrupted Alicia. "If she doesn't want to
do it that's her problem."
"Yeah, but it's Ryan's too, as long as he goes out with her!"
argued her boyfriend.
"Well, so what. Leave her alone. You're being dicks."
Corey leaned back, pulling the curtain aside and peering outside.
"What's he doing?" asked Jen.
"He's whacking off. There he goes. . . POW! All over the
grass!" he joked. "Just kidding," he told her. "Girl, he's sitting on
the bench with his head in his hands. Please, sleep with him! It's
killing me to see him like this."
Jen contemplated getting up and hiding in the bathroom, but
instead went outside.
He was right, Ryan sat on a white iron bench, his face in his
hands. God, he must hate me, she thought tearfully. I am a prude, a
frigid bitch.
She sat down next to him, putting her arm around his shoulder.
"Ryan?" she whispered.
He looked up, and smiled at her. His eyes were glassy, but he
didn't look mad. Sad? she wondered. But he didn't look like he'd been
crying.
"Ryan, what's the matter?"
"Oh, nothing. . . "
She tried not to cry. "Are you mad at me?"
"No!" he said. "Not at all."
"What are you doing out here?"
"Oh," he said, looking embarrassed. "I had to leave, I'm sorry.
That movie, the beautiful girl on my lap. . . I had to get outta there
before I shot in my pants."
"Ry. . . " she sighed.
"What?"
"Are you pissed at me?"
"No! I told you, I'm not. Really!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive. Why do you think I'm pissed?"
"Because I'm such a prude."
"Jen, come on. I don't think you're a prude. We do a lot, don't
we?" he asked, not sounding convinced. She knew he was just
contradicting her to make her feel better.
"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head. "But I don't want to do
it with you because your friends want me to, because your friends want
you to get laid. I want to do it because I want to do it. I mean, I
know that sounds really lame and cliche and like an after-school special
or something, but it's true, okay?"
"Okay! Jen, I said I don't think you're a prude."
She looked away.
"But, why *don't you* want to do it with me?" he asked slowly.
She looked back at him, annoyed. "Because I don't, okay?" She
didn't tell him her fears, like that he would leave her, or only want her
for sex.
He looked away, and stared straight ahead. He loved her, he
loved her more than anything, but he hated her rejecting him. He did
everything for her, he thought. She must not love me enough.
He felt angry when he thought about Josh and Alicia. His friend
treated his own girlfriend like shit; he ripped on her all the time to
his friends. He even said he didn't give a damn about her. And Alicia
still did anything for him. It wasn't fair. Ryan was jealous, and hurt,
and angry about the whole thing, not to mention horny, especially right then.
He looked over at her. She looked so beautiful, her perfect
profile illuminated by the moonlight and outside lamp. He leaned back
and put his arm around her.
"Ry? I wasn't going to tell you this but. . . " she began, sighing.
"Tell me what?"
"I wasn't going to tell you yet, but I started taking the pill."
His eyes grew big. "Really?" he asked delightedly.
She nodded.
"You- you want to do it?" he asked incredulously.
"Well, not now! I mean, I just started taking it. You have to
wait like a month, or two months even, before you're really safe."
He made a face. "Two months?"
"Well, that's why I wasn't going to tell you. But, I never said
I wanted to do it yet."
He got mad. "Well, then, why'd you go on the pill? You're
totally teasing me!"
"No, I'm not. Really, I'm not. The gynecologist put me on it
because my periods were whacked."
"Oh." He still sounded mad.
"Ry, I just started getting my period, okay! I mean, you know,
not many girls have sex the same year they start their period. If you
told anyone that someone did, they would tell you that someone was a
slut. You know, if you're so interested in fucking and that's it, why
don't you just break up with me? Why didn't you break up with me a long
time ago?" she demanded, crossing her arms. "Then you can find someone
who will screw your brains out all the time, and then you'd be happy."
"No, Jen! It's not like that." He sighed. "I don't want to
break up with you. I understand your point of view, I guess. You're
right about the period thing. It just bugs me that you don't want me,
that's all."
"Ryan! Of course I want you!"
"Yeah, but not like I want you. . . "
He can't drop it, can he? she thought. I hate fighting with him.
"Just tell me when you're ready, okay? Put it in writing if you
want," sighed Ryan.
"Fine." She sighed too. "I will, I promise. When I want to do
it, I promise you, you will be the first to know!"
They went back in the house. Thank God, everyone left them alone.
Chapter 16
One rainy Saturday, Jen hung out at Ryan's house. He'd gotten
his license the Thursday before, and picked her up himself. He felt so
free all of a sudden.
One of his mom's friends was over, and had brought her newborn
with her. Karen was cooing and dying over the little boy. Jen gasped
and did the same as soon as she walked in and saw the baby. She got to
hold him, and was in heaven.
Ryan teased them, imitating them. "But it is a cute baby,
though," he added.
"Why don't you hold him?" suggested the baby's mom.
"Oh, no! I might drop him!" he protested.
"Ryan, you don't even fumble the football. You're not going to
drop the baby!" insisted Jen.
"Well, okay. . . "
He gingerly took the small bundle, which smelled like formula, in
his arms. He stared down at it in awe. He smiled down at the sleeping
baby. Sitting on the couch, he gently touched the tiny hands, feeling
its satiny skin.
"It's so small. . . " he breathed.
Jen watched as he leaned over and softly kissed the baby's
cheek. She nearly burst into tears from the breathtaking sight. Her
maternal instincts, which were already going in mock speed from the
baby's presence, went crazy watching this. He's gonna be such a good
daddy, she thought. He looked up at her staring at him, with that same
look on her face she had when she had held the baby.
He smiled at her. "I betcha I was this cute."
She laughed. "You still are."
He grinned at her, then gave the baby back to its mom, who was
about to leave, when his brother came in the room.
"Hey Robby," he said, getting up. "Did you take my GameGear?"
"Yeah, I borrowed it."
"Well, give it back," he said in an annoyed tone.
"I can't. I left it at school."
"You took it to school?" Ryan demanded angrily. "What if it got
stolen, you dumbass?"
"Well, it didn't."
"What's the matter with you? I didn't say you could take it you
little brat!"
"Fuck you," he said.
"Robby!" yelled his mother.
Ryan took off after his brother, who fled with a wail of terror,
chasing him into the rec room where he soon began pounding him, as all
older brothers do. Jen ran after them. Robby burst into tears. Only
ten, he was no match for his brother.
"Mom!" he cried.
Ryan pinned him to the couch, pulling his ears and kneeling him
in the legs.
"Ahhhhh!" Robby screamed.
"Ryan! Leave him alone!" commanded Jen, who was quite amused,
but felt sorry for Robby.
"Asshole! Get off me!" sobbed Robby, desperately flailing
underneath him. Ryan flicked his cheek, and he screamed again for his mom.
Karen came in, yelling. She wasn't in the best mood anyway,
babies always did that to her. "Get off your brother!" she snapped. "Or
you can't have the car tonight!"
"What the hell?" Ryan demanded, climbing off Robby with one final
smack. "He started it! He took my video game without asking. Didn't
you hear what your son said to me?" he asked angrily.
"Well, it's not your job to punish him, now is it?"
"Oh, like you were gonna do it! He's such a brat."
"Ryan, just never mind," she snapped exasperatingly.
"Come on, Ryan," said Jen, pulling him away before he got into a
big fight with his mom. "Come on, it's okay," she said, dragging him
down the hall.
He complained about the unfair treatment. He threw his books off
his bed and laid down, saying, "I'd better get the car tonight or I'm
gonna be pissed!"
Jen locked the door behind her, then climbed on the bed next to
him, rubbing his shoulders and saying, "You already are pissed!" She
changed the subject. "You liked holding the baby? You looked so cute. .
. "
He smiled, remembering, his temper cooling. "Yeah it was just
so small! I was scared I was going to drop it. It was so cute!" he
said, using the same tone Jen and his mom had when fawning over the baby.
Jen threw her arms around him and squeezed him. "You're gonna be
such a good daddy, Ryan," she whispered, gazing into his eyes, her own
shining.
"Of course," he bragged. He looked mad again. "Man, if Robby
were my son, God!" he said, making a face.
"Calm down," she said, kneeling between his legs.
He made another face. "I know, it just really pisses me off.
God, I'm so pissed!"
She laid down and kissed his stomach. She kissed him between his
legs, over his clothes, while he stared at her. Giving him a naughty
look, she undid his jeans and pulled his soft dick out.
She kissed the tip gently, saying again softly, "Calm down. . . "
He stared down at her, surprised, as she took him in her mouth.
He gasped at the sensation, the incredible warmth. He pushed his pants
down further to give her better access, and melted back into the bed as
she pleasured his most sensitive area with her mouth.
She licked all around the red head, her tongue swirling around
his ridge. She ran her tongue down to his balls slowly. She poked them
with her tongue and he groaned, "Ohhh. . . " She licked them, pushing
them around in the sack, her nose rubbing against the underside of his cock.
His dick completely hard now, she had to scoot up to reach the
head, which she sucked in her mouth. She tried to remember everything
she had ever seen in a porno. But she went on instinct too, enjoying his
taste in her mouth.
He gasped again, as her soft wet tongue rubbed the ridge on the
head. He said her name, not actually believing it was actually
happening. God, he couldn't believe how good it felt. He wished it
would never end. He lay back, gripping the comforter in his hands, his
breathing rapid.
Her lips slid down its length, and the entire sensitive underside
was raked by her tongue. He reached for her face, touching her cheeks
with his numb hands. His face screwed up in pleasure, he groaned over
and over. She began moving her mouth up and down around it, trying to
get to the base as well without gagging. He lay his head back on his
pillow, his eyes closed, gasping.
She rubbed his shaft, concentrating her mouth on the pink head.
She flicked her tongue against it, licking the slit and dragging his
precum out onto her tongue. She slipped the head into her mouth, and
sucked with all her might. He cried out. She took in more, sucking
still, trying to stimulate him with her tongue at the same time. He
groaned his pleasure.
Her hands gripped the base, her mouth still sucking, and massaged
his balls as they crept up towards his body. Whimpering, he rolled his
head back and forth against his pillow. He gripped her head as the
pressure built and built, and the warmth spread throughout out his lower
body. He gasped that he was going to cum. Swallow, oh baby please
swallow, he thought frantically.
She considered jerking her mouth away, and finishing him off by
hand. But she didn't really want to do that. She wanted him to cum in
her mouth more than anything, she'd always wanted to taste it. Her mouth
kept going, sucking his cock up and down, faster and faster.
Throwing his head back, he gasped again as he climaxed, his body
convulsing as his mind swam. His dick had never been so sensitive, it
throbbed in her mouth. He shot into her what seemed like a gallon of
cum, it seemed to go on forever. He groaned her name, his hips thrusting
slightly towards her head.
She attempted to swallow every drop of his sweet liquid, it was
sticky and thick, but she managed to get it all down her throat. She
sucked gently some more, then wrapped her hungry mouth around his aching
sack, kissing and licking his balls. She sighed, in pleasure.
Opening his eyes, he stared down at her and pushed her hair out
of her eyes. He watched as she cleaned his twitching, oozing cock with
her tongue. "Oh, Jen. . . Wow. . . " he whispered, his voice cracking.
She looked up at him, giving him another smile. "Was that good?"
she asked, crawling up to lay next to him.
He rolled his eyes back, saying, "Oh my God. . . Where'd you
learn to do that?" he asked in awe, hugging her tightly.
"Movies," she shrugged.
He laughed. "God, I love you."
"And I love you." She reached down for his softening cock. "And
I love him too!" she said in a high voice.
"Well, I'll have to ask him, but I'm pretty sure he sort of
worships you!" Ryan laughed.
"You're very sweet," she told him, kissing his ear. "Literally!"
"Really?" he asked.
"Oh yeah," she said, kissing him so he could taste himself. He
didn't protest.
Chapter 17
As an early Christmas present, he got a new car from his parents,
a blue Ford Bronco. He was completely shocked, and Jen teased him. Her
own parents were completely clueless, she thought disgustedly, as Ryan
started driving down now to see her late at night, and she sneaked him in
through her side door.
As soon as he walked into her room that first late night, she
pulled him onto her bed. They kissed, and she rubbed him through his
clothes. Laying on his back, she climbed onto him, kissing his neck and
rubbing against him. He pulled her shirt off, licking her nipples and
her ears. No words were spoken, it was all automatic. She sucked him
until he came, while he bit his lip so as not to scream. Still horny, he
rolled onto her and continued sucking her breasts, which had "exploded"
as he had said, since she started taking the pill. He slid down her
naked body, dragging the blankets with him as he started kissing her
stomach, rubbing her between her legs while she moaned softly.
He looked up at her, whispering, "Do you want me too?"
She nodded, and he responded by burying his face between her
thighs. She gasped as his virgin tongue went to work on her, licking up
her juices and sucking her tender inner lips. Writhing in pleasure, she
started groaning so much he had to shush her, to remind her her parents
were down the hall.
Ryan thought he had never eaten something so delicious in all his
life, and his mind spun from her reactions to it. She arched her back,
grinding her sopping cunt into his mouth. He nearly came when she did that.
She couldn't believe the sensations. She wished it would never
end. He started sucking her clitoris. This pressure began building,
this huge pressure, and she thought she was going to burst. Her clit
became extremely sensitive, and hurt as he sucked it directly.
Oh fuck, she thought, suddenly scooting up against her headboard,
away from him.
"What?" he whispered.
"Stop," she whispered back.
"Why?" he asked, not believing his ears. He was sure she hadn't
cum yet.
"Because!" she said. She was relieved, once again sure she had
control of her bladder. She'd been petrified she was going to urinate.
That would have been horrible.
"You didn't cum!"
"Shit! I thought I was gonna piss," she whispered, shaking her head.
"No! You were gonna cum!" He was pretty sure anyway. What if
she had pissed though? Yuk!
The incredible pressure was gone. Her heart still pounded, but
she felt relieved. She lay back down on her side, pulling the blankets
up to fight the draft. He came up with them, pulling her to him and ki
ssing her.
"Stay here tonight," she whispered. "I'll set my alarm so you
can get up early."
"Okay. Let me keep doing
it," he suggested, annoyed slightly.
"No. . . Really."
He didn't argue, but led her hands to his hardon, which rubbd against
her. She gripped him, and rubbed him a few times. That was all he
needed; he shot cum all over both of them.
They laid in the dark, holding each other.
"I liked doing it," he said, though that was obvious. "Remember you
said I might not like it? Well, I do!" he whispered in her ear.
"That's good," she smiled. "I like you doing it too!"
*****
Later that week they were in the hot tub, in his backyard. His family
had all gone shopping. It was almost evening, and starting to get
chilly. But they were hot of course, making out and fondling each other
in the hot water. They hadn't bothered with swim suits.
He was between her thighs, her legs clasped around his hips. His cock
touched her clit, making her gasp. It drooped lower, where it belonged.
She didn't protest it being there. She kissed him wildly still, her
hands running through his wet hair.
He pushed it forward, and the tip pressed into her. She didn't notice;
it felt nice, no pain at all. He thrust deeper. It didn't go in,
because she screamed from the pain of her hymen stretching, pushing him
away from her.
"What are you doing?" she demanded.
"What? I thought you wanted it."
She rolled her eyes disgustedly at him, getting out of the hot tub
and wrapping the towel around her. Shivering, she snatched up her
clothes and hurried into the house. Ryan trailed after her, dripping
water all over the floor.
"What? God, Jen! Don't be so pissed."
Drying off in his room, she wouldn't talk to him. Finally, he took
her clothes away and put them behind him, out of her reach.
"Give me my clothes!" she demanded.
"No. Don't be mad!" he ordered back.
"You give me my fucking clothes this minute!" she seethed.
"What's the matter?!? Come on, I'm really sorry. I thought you knew
I was gonna do it," he said honestly.
She stared at him, wrapped in the towel. "You think, after all this
time, that I would want to do it--lose my virginity--in the *hot tub*?"
she demanded. "You must not know me that well, do you?"
"I don't know. The hot tub's kinda nice."
She rolled her eyes at him. "Give me my clothes now."
"No."
"Fine. I'll call my parents, and tell them to pick me up and bring
me clothes because you stole mine and won't give them back."
He looked at her. She looked at him. They both started to laugh at
the idea.
But she was still mad; she scowled at him.
"Am I a jerk?" he asked.
"Yes."
"I'm sorry."
"Whoopee."
"The hot tub isn't nice?"
"Not especially."
He gave her her clothes back.
She sighed, taking them. "Ryan, I said that when I wanted to do it,
I'd *tell* you so! And Ryan, I want it to be a special night. Not
'hurry up because your parents will be home soon' type-thing. I thought
you grasped that concept by now."
"Oh. I- I guess I just got carried away." He walked over to his desk,
taking out a small package. He held it out to her.
"What's that?" she asked, fastening her bra.
"It's for you."
She took it, opening it. It was a pair of gold earrings, expensive
ones.
She stared at him. "What are these for?"
"They're for you!"
"Thank you," she said automatically. "What are they for, though?"
He sighed. "They're not *for* anything. I just thought you might
like them, that's all. They match the necklace I gave you for our
anniversary. . . "
"Oh, Ryan. They're beautiful, thank you. They're for Christmas?"
she asked suspiciously.
"No! They're not *for* anything I said!" he repeated, toweling off
and pulling some jeans on. "If they were for Christmas you would get
them for Christmas. I just thought you might like them, okay?" he asked,
sounding hurt.
"Okay. I *do* like them, I do."
"Good."
She felt guilty. She loved him so much. Why did she always have to
fuck up? She wanted him more than anything. She was just now realizing
how much.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"Me too. Bad Ryan," he said, slapping his hand. He gave her a shy
smile. She kissed him.
"I wish I didn't have to go away for Christmas," she said, sitting
on his lap.
"Then don't. Stay here. You can stay with us, and come to the cabin
again this year."
"I wish I could, but there's no way my parents would let me. My Grandma
would freak, too."
"When are you getting back?" he asked.
"The day after New Years."
"Oh. We're coming back then too, I think."
"Oh."
"My parents are going away the weekend after New Years," he ventured.
"They're going on a four-day cruise. But don't say anything, though.
My mom doesn't know yet. It's her Christmas present."
"Oh, sure no problem. Your dad's so romantic. . . "
"Of course he is. That's where I get it from," he teased.
She smiled. "Are you staying here?" she asked.
"Well," he rolled his eyes, "I said I'd stay at Josh's but I probably
won't. Will and Robby are staying at Robby's friend's house. The friend
stayed here one weekend, remember? That little blond kid? Anyway, they
don't know yet so don't bring it up with them either. They can't keep
secrets."
"Sure," she said. "Can I come over?" she asked.
"Of course. You can always come over," he answered.
She wrapped her arms around him. "Oh, Ryan. Let's do it then. Let's
make love," she breathed into his ear.
His mouth dropped. "Yeah? You mean it? Oh, Jen, are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure," she laughed. She nodded, smiling, "I've been
ready forever."
"Me too!" He kissed her. "God, I love you you know!"
"Me too. I love you too. . . "
He grinned at her. "I'll make you dinner, and I'll show you how
romantic I can be. We'll have the house to ourselves. Baby, it'll be
beautiful, I promise."
*****
"Hello?"
"Hi, what's up?"
"Ryan! You're back! Did you just get back?"
"Yeah, like half an hour ago . . . What's up?"
"Nothing. We got back last night. How was the skiing?"
"Great. I missed you you know."
"I missed you too Ry . . . "
"I can't wait to see you."
"Me neither."
"I thought about you the whole time," he said.
"Me, too. Was your mom surprised with the trip?"
"Yeah. Only a few more days," he said excitedly. "Are you excited
too? Or is it just me?"
"Oh, no. I'm excited too."
"Are you scared?"
"Yeah. . . "
"How come?"
"I hope it doesn't hurt a lot."
"I promise you, I'll be very gentle."
"I know you will. . . Are you scared?"
"Nah."
"Maybe just nervous a little?" she asked.
"Maybe just a little," he laughed.
"Me too. But I'm glad."
"Yeah! Me too."
"When are they leaving?"
"I don't know. Probably during the day sometime. I don't want to
make them suspicious by asking."
"Yeah, that's true."
"I'm wearing your watch," he told her.
"It's your watch now!"
"Oh yeah, and it's great. You did like the jacket?" he asked.
"Yes, I love it Ryan! It's so warm, too. I can't believe you
remembered it! I said I liked it, like, in October."
"I bought it right away."
"You did?"
"Yeah! You almost found it too, one time."
"I did? Where was it?"
"It was in my closet. Remember, like last month I think, you were
looking at all my clothes and stuff. It was still in the over-thingy
from the store. I was like, 'Uh, let's leave'."
"Oh yeah! I remember that. You were like, 'Why are you going through
my closet?' I thought you were mad at me!" she laughed.
"Nah."
"Well, thank you. It kept me very warm when you weren't there to do
it yourself."
He laughed. "You won't need it this weekend my love."
"Okay! Should I dress up?"
"Yeah, dress up."
"Aright. Are you taking me somewhere?"
"Yeah--to heaven."
"Oh, Ryan!" she blushed.
"I guess I am nervous."
"Me too."
Chapter 18
Friday finally came. Ryan couldn't believe how long the day
dragged on. Jen wasn't coming over until eight. His parents left at ten
AM. Will and Robby left at noon.
He went to the store, buying what he supposed he needed for
dinner. He'd never cooked a whole meal by himself, although he was a
decent cook. He spent the rest of the day in the kitchen. It kept his
mind off of that night.
Melissa was going to drive Jen over. Ryan had offered to pick
her up but she refused. The clock dragged on. Jen spent an hour in the tub.
Fortunately, her parents were out, so they didn't ask why she was
all dressed up to spend the night at Melissa's. She tried to dress nice,
but not too fancy. She wore a cream colored slip-like dress, with white
stockings and heels. She piled her hair up into a French twist, and wore
the gold earrings and necklace he had given her. She knew Ryan would
freak over her. He never failed to tell her she looked beautiful.
Melissa oohed and aahed, giving her various advice during the
ride and demanding details as soon as they could be given. She leaned
over and hugged her friend before she got out of the car. She knew Jen
was lucky, she knew Ryan would be there for her.
The door opened, and he stood there. His hazel eyes, which
looked brown in some lights, shone absolutely green. His face broke out
in a huge smile, and he looked her over.
"Wow. . . " he admired.
"Wow yourself."
He reached for her, kissing her gently. "Come in ma cherie!" he cooed.
She came into the dim house, dropping her bag and removing her
new jacket.
"You didn't eat dinner did you?" he asked.
"No, of course not."
"Good. I've cooked you a feast!"
She followed him, and he spun around suddenly in the kitchen,
taking her into his arms. "I love you," he whispered, kissing her.
"I love you too," she whispered, nearly crying in joy. He was so perfect.
"Hungry?" he asked, grinning at her.
"Yeah."
Taking her hand, he brought her to the dining room, which looked
out of a bay window. The view was spectacular, you could see for miles
around. He'd removed several leaves from the table so it was round, and
small. Candles lit it.
She was totally impressed, and told him so. He'd gone all out.
He was a good cook too. She tried to eat as much as she could, with out
stuffing herself. She nearly cried when he brought out chocolate mousse
for dessert.
"You're too much," she said.
"Only the best for you Jen," he told her.
He'd feared beforehand that they'd have difficulty making
conversation during dinner, but thankfully that wasn't the case. He was
still scared deep inside that she'd change her mind. He wanted this
night to be perfect for her. They both were a little quiet sometimes,
their minds on something else. He caught her eye several times, and gave
her reassuring smiles.
She ate slowly, making sure she wasn't full. It was almost nine
o'clock. She started fidgeting in her seat. He noticed.
He smiled at her. "Come here," he said gently.
She came over, and sat on his lap. He pulled her to him, kissing
her. She kissed him back. God, she was ready.
She stood up, taking both of his hands and pulling him to his
feet. She pulled him towards his room. In the kitchen he suddenly
picked her up, and she shrieked and laughed.
"Wait, wait!" she insisted. "My bag. I have to get ready!" she
giggled. She took her bag into the hall bathroom, and he went into his
own, brushing his teeth hurriedly. He went around his room, lighting the
candles he had placed beforehand.
He pulled back the covers, trying to make them look casual.
Should he undress now? he thought. He undid his shirt slowly, trying to
breathe deeply. He'd lied when he said he wasn't scared. What if he
hurt her? What if he came right away? He realized his nervousness.
God, what if I can't get it up? He moved one candle.
Ryan looked up. She stood there in his dark doorway like an
angel, he thought, in a white silk teddy. Her hair was loose, hanging
down around her shoulders softly. She was so beautiful. Looking at her,
dressed in white, he realized what a gift her love was. She was giving
him her virginity. She'd never be able to give it to anyone else.
He stared at her, choked up a bit, then shook his head, saying,
"My lord. . . "
She blushed, and he held his arms out to her. She came to him
slowly. He kissed her deeply, his hands on her shoulders.
Like they'd done so many times before, she undressed him slowly.
They knew each other's bodies like their own practically. He rubbed her
shoulders, and kissed her neck, and ears. She licked his nipples.
Sitting on the side of the bed, he kicked his shoes off, pulling
her on top of him while he laid back. Her hair fell around his head. He
held her to him tightly, as if to never let her go, just kissing her for
a long while.
She knew she wanted to do it, she'd never been so sure of
anything in her life. Everything had been so perfect so far, and inside
the tiny part of her that was scared of the pain was drowned out by the
rest of her, knowing it was right. He slid the straps of her teddy down,
rubbing her back and her shoulders. She undid his fly, pulling his pants
down past his hips. She held his face in her hands, then ran her fingers
through his silky brown hair, kissing him still.
Finally she rolled onto her back, so she was lengthwise on the
bed. She slid under the covers, and he followed her. She massaged his
naked body, her hands running up and down the length of his spine.
Finally her hands grasped his dick, and his mouth went for her breasts.
He licked her nipples, while her arm cradled his head. He'd promised her
before, that when they eventually had sex, they would still do "the other
stuff" she, and he, liked so much. He tried to remember that promise now.
Her hand still gripped him, rubbing his precum around the tip
while he gasped. His fear of impotence was not justified; he was as hard
as a rock. His own hands traveled under the silk between her legs. Her
leg wrapped around his hip as he fingered her.
It was barely light from the few candles he had set up. But she
could see his face, which reassured her all the time that it was right,
and that he loved her.
She held him tightly, her arms around his muscular back. Her
mind was swimming, both of them were breathing hard.
She ducked her head, taking him in her mouth while he gasped.
She sucked him up and down, and he shivered, nearly cumming right then.
He pulled her up to him, kissing her hard. He couldn't cum yet, she'd
understand, he was sure, but it would ruin their momentum. He slid her
teddy down off her hips, so she was as naked as him.
He made love to her with his mouth, and his hands, exploring
every nook of her body. He kissed her fingers, her palms, and her
wrists. He kissed the length of her arm. He bent over, kissing her
stomach, then crawling down between her legs. His mouth ran over her
thighs, and all down her legs.
Finally, he licked her clit while she moaned. His tongue played
with her various folds, then licked around her clit some more.
Her hand touched his face, and his eyes met hers. She reached
down, pulling him up to her. He kissed her, thinking, Now? Now?
She pulled him on top of her, raising her knees up around his
hips. He kissed her, looking her deeply in the eye. He kissed her again
softly, then looked down at the task before him.
He found her hole with his finger, then placed the tip of his
cock at the entrance. He'd been there before, but that time she'd pushed
him away.
His mind swimming, he supported himself above her on one arm, and
he pushed gently. It went in a millimeter, and he still gripped it or
else it might have slid down.
He looked up at her, she was breathing rapidly, looking down at
what was going on. She looked at him, and nodded.
He pushed it in further, her tight, unrelenting skin gripping his
cock. God, it was tight. It was going in, the wet skin of her cunt
being pulled in along with it. He kept pushing in, and it was
resisting. It's not gonna go in, he thought desperately. All the while
his mind was screaming at him to thrust, thrust. . .
He did so suddenly, pushing up hard . She jerked under him as
her hymen tore and he pressed deeper into her. She let out a small cry,
her knees sliding down. He gasped as his cock slid up into her. It's
in, it's in, his brain told him frantically. It gripped him, her virgin
cunt tight around him.
Her eyes opened, and she bit her lip as she tried not to cry from
the pain. Pain, pain, that's all she could think.
Supporting himself on his elbows, he looked into her tear-filled eyes.
"I'm sorry," he gasped. She shook her head. "Do you- do you
want me to take it out?" he whispered.
She shook her head again, pulling her to him. The fiery pain
consumed her, and her whole body felt weak. But soon it began to leave,
and she felt sore as he began to thrust. This tingle began to grow, and
all of a sudden she didn't want him to take it out anymore, didn't want
him to remove the thing that had hurt her. She closed her eyes, and just
tried to concentrate on the feeling. Her knees went back up, and she
slid down a bit.
Resting his head on her shoulder, he pulled it out an inch, then
back in again. He gasped at the sensation, he'd never felt something so
intense. He fought back his orgasm. He tried to get a rhythm going, and
he didn't have to try too hard as his instincts soon took over.
Her breathing quickened underneath him, telling him the pain was
lessening and her enjoyment heightening. It was so wet, this fantastic
tight canal he was moving in and out of. The pressure mounted, like a
coil being stretched out. He slowed down a few times, even stopping
altogether to prevent himself from cumming. He went in and out, up and
up into her.
She held his head on her shoulder, feeling his heart beating
rapidly. He groaned and gasped. The pressure was growing again. He
moved faster, and the pressure grew. He kept going, now he didn't care
about anything but the feeling. He groaned his pleasure, gasping that he
was going to cum.
He let out a yell as his world exploded, as he had described to
her, and he shook and groaned. He gripped her shoulders, and held her
tightly to him while he pumped and pumped. He shot his liquid high into
her, and she squealed at the sensation. He came and came, there seemed
to be no end to it. It gushed out like a geyser, and he kept moving
faster and faster, expelling every last drop from him. He groaned again,
the sensation so sweet, as he kept thrusting.
He gasped in her ear as his orgasm finally dwindled down. He
breathed heavily on her shoulder.
She rubbed his back, his cock still buried in her. He kissed her
deeply, then gave her a weak smile.
"I love you," he whispered, his eyes glassy.
She nodded, kissing him. "I love you too."
"It didn't hurt too badly?" he asked hopefully.
She shook her head again, and smiled. "Only for a second, and
not too badly."
He smiled, so happy.
"Then it felt *good*!" she told him.
He laughed, and held her tight. He slid out of her, rolling onto
his side, still holding her to him. "You liked it?"
"Yes, it felt fantastic."
"I love you."
"I love *you*."
"Are you glad we did it?" he asked.
She smiled, her eyes shining. "Oh yes. I'm so happy."
He looked into her eyes. "I am glad we waited," he told her
softly. "I bet it wouldn't have been this sweet if we did it right
away. I know it wouldn't have been."
She nodded. "Yeah, me too."
"Are you sore?" he asked. "Does it still hurt?"
"Why, wanna do it again?" she laughed.
"Not yet!" he laughed. "Wait a minute and I sure do."
"Aright."
"Let me see," he suggested, moving down and pulling back the
blankets so he could get a good look. She spread her legs for him, again.
"Oh, it's bloody!" he cried out. He guessed he knew it'd be, though.
"So are you," she pointed out.
He gasped as he looked down. For a second he thought he was bleeding.
"Damn," he said. "I'm sorry," he repeated.
She smiled again, saying, "No. It wasn't your fault."
He still felt guilty, like maybe he could have been more gentle.
But he just smiled back.
"Here," he said, getting some Kleenex and dabbing at her. He
cleaned her up, then, looking at her wounded body part, suggested, "Let
me kiss it and make it better. . . "
"Please." she whispered. He only kissed her sore hole a few
times, then went back up to her clit, which he licked all around. He
pressed his tongue into its sides, rubbing it around. His tongue licked,
and licked, and massaged her sensitive nub. She gasped.
He took it in his mouth and gently sucked it, his lips pressed
into her silky red skin. He pulled it out gently, still sucking. She
shrieked in pleasure. He did it again, and again. She moaned.
I'm gonna cum, she thought wildly, I think I'm going to. Her
whole body felt delicious, like her cells were actually happy. The
pressure built again, that same pressure. He kept licking and sucking
while she gasped, "Oh yes!"
The pressure built, and she lifted her hips up towards his
mouth. She rocked back and forth, and it felt like a damn being burst.
All of sudden she didn't care about anything else, didn't care if she
pissed in the bed, all she cared about was the pleasure.
She cried out, "Oh my God!" over and over. She arched her back,
shoving herself towards him, shaking all over. Her mind swam, no clear
thoughts except for, "Oh my *God*!" while her body seemed to lift up and
float.
She collapsed back onto the bed, her first orgasm subsiding. He
kept licking her, and her body so sensitive, it began to hurt. She
pulled him up towards her, and wrapped her arms around his head. He
gasped in her ear, his own heart pounding, "You did it? You came?"
She could only say one thing. "Oh my God!" she groaned,
breathing as though she'd just run a marathon.
"I'll take that as a yes!" he smiled. "I'll take that anytime,"
he added.
"Wow!"
"Nice, huh?" he whispered.
She snuggled up to him, her mind cleared now. He held her to him
in the dark for awhile.
"This was so wonderful," she whispered finally. "It's the best
night ever. God, I love you!"
He grinned at her, smoothing her hair out of her face. "I love
you too. More than anything baby."
"This was so wonderful Ryan" she repeated tearfully.
"It's *almost* the best night," he corrected, his heart
pounding. "It's not perfect yet."
"Why?" she asked.
He reached over to his night stand, and took something out,
hiding it under the covers.
"What? What is it?" she giggled, expecting some sex toy.
Biting his lip, he handed it to her. She took it out into the
dim light. It was a velvet box. She opened it. She gasped, and stared.
"Do you like it?" he asked nervously.
"Oh my God, Ryan! It's *gorgeous*! Oh my god!"
"I was hoping you'd like it."
"Oh, Ryan! This is too expensive. I can't take this, really."
"No, no! Take it, it belongs to you."
"No, no!" she insisted, so overcome by the expense. "I can't
take it," she said decidedly.
"Don't you- don't you want it?" he asked, a bit sadly.
"Of course! It's just that, I mean, it's so *expensive*! What
if I lose it?"
"Then never take it off."
She just stared at it.
He reached over and took it, taking her hand in his own. He took
it out of the box, sliding it over her finger, the diamond sparkling in
the candlelight.
"With th-this ring, Jen," he stumbled. "I promise you, that I
love you. And that I will love you forever. And I will *always* be here
for you. Always. I *promise*. And that- that, I will make you my bride
one day. I mean, I don't know about how soon," he added quickly.
"Probably not for many years, after college probably, but I will. I
promise you."
She stared at his hand over hers, tears in her eyes.
"So," he continued softly. "If you don't want to wear it, or you
don't want it, not yet maybe? I'll understand."
Her sob broke through. "Oh, Ryan!" she cried. "I want it, I
want it! I love you so much! Thank you! How could you think I wouldn't
want it? You give me so much," she cried into his shoulder.
"You give me a lot too. . . " he whispered. "You gave me a lot
tonight, you did. It was a lot. It would cost more than this ring ever
did, but you can't buy it, not like it was tonight."
She sobbed into his shoulder. "I love you," she whispered.
"I love you too, more!" he said back. "See, look," he
remembered. "It says it on the ring, I forgot to show you."
She slid the ring off, gripping it tightly with her fingers as
though to never let it go. He turned on the bedside lamp so she could
see. She squinted, reading the delicate engraving. "My beautiful
darling," it read, "I love you now and forever -Ryan."
"Ohhhhhh!" she whimpered, crying. "I love you too!" She slid it
back onto her finger.
"Good," he whispered, hugging her close. "Don't ever leave me, okay?"
"I won't!" she gulped. "I promise."
"Then, tonight *was* the best night."
Chapter 19
Her fears of him leaving her once they did it were all
unfounded, instead they became even closer. Their lovemaking only added
to their relationship; nothing was taken away. Both would have died if
the other broke up with them.
A month or so after they first did it, he was going to take her
out to eat and to the theater Saturday night. She called him around five
to see how he was doing; he'd been busy that afternoon and they hadn't
talked yet. He'd said he'd come over at six or so.
His mom answered the phone.
"Hi Karen, what's up? Is Ryan there?" Jen asked.
His mom paused. "No."
"Oh. Well, this is Jen."
"I know," she said curtly.
What's the matter, she thought? "Oh, well anyway we're going out
tonight and I just wanted to call him to see what's up."
"Oh really?" asked his mom sarcastically. "Where are you going?"
"Um, to dinner? And to a movie?" asked Jen, her heart racing.
His mom was still speaking in that tone.
"Are your parents going to be there?"
"My parents? You mean are they coming with us?" she responded,
surprised. Jen knew something was up. Was Karen mad at her? What had
she done?
"No. I mean, will they be at your house or will they be gone?"
"Um, I *think* they'll be home," she said slowly. Uh oh.
"Good. I don't want Ryan going to your house anymore, especially
when your parents aren't home. Do you understand?" she demanded.
Jen gulped, her heart beating in her ears. What could she say?
"I guess," she said.
Karen took her surprised tone as being sarcastic. "Good. And
another thing, I don't want you coming over here anymore either. Maybe
if JR or myself is here. *Especially* if Will and Robby are here and
Ryan is supposed to be watching them. Got it?"
She tried to keep from crying. She played with her shoelace,
still holding the phone to her ear. She couldn't bring herself to ask
why. "Yes," she whispered.
"That's good. You know, Ryan may think he's a grown man but he's
not. His parents still make the rules. I hope you can understand that,"
she said coldly.
"Yeah, I do."
"Good. Good-bye Jen."
"Good-bye," she stumbled.
His mom hung up.
Jen laid back on the bed. She squeezed her eyes shut and the
tears began to fall. Why was his mom being like this? Why did she hate
her? I betcha she knows we've slept together, she thought. Fuck! Now
she hates me, she thought, crying into her pillow. She's not going to
let Ryan see me anymore. She panicked at the idea.
Still crying, she got into the shower. He might still come over,
she reasoned. She had to talk to him. What would he do? Would his mom
convince him that she was a slut? No, he'd never think that about her.
She got angry as she stood in the hot water. Stupid bitch, she thought.
What's her problem? I can't believe this crap.
When she got out of the shower there was a message from Ryan on
her machine. She hadn't heard the phone ring in the shower. He was
still coming over, and he hadn't sounded like anything was wrong. His
mom must not have said anything, she thought.
How did she know? She got even angrier. Ryan must have told
her. Big mouth. Or he told his dad, and of course JR told her. She
wondered if JR thought she was a slut too.
She tried not to think about it as she got ready. She couldn't
cry anymore, not after she put her makeup on. She turned the radio on.
She had thought she knew what she was going to wear, a simple black
dress that Karen had once complimented her on. She changed her mind,
resenting his mom and the stupid dress. Instead she chose a dark blue
dress, with black nylons and heels. She hoped she looked pretty.
She leaned over the sink, applying the finishing touches to her
makeup. She heard the front door open, and heard Ryan say hi to her
parents, then come bounding down the hall, calling her name. He never
had to ring the bell anymore. Jen stayed in the bathroom while he pushed
open her bedroom door and came into the bathroom.
He smiled at her in the mirror. He took his hand from behind his
back, and held out flowers. She widened her eyes, putting on yet more
eyeliner. He came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her.
"You look beautiful," he whispered. "And you smell nice too!"
She looked down as she put the lid back on the pencil.
"I brought you flowers," he offered, holding them out again.
"I know. I saw," she said quietly, not looking at him.
"Awright, what's the matter?" he asked.
She didn't answer him, but instead walked back into her bedroom,
picking up the wet towel off the floor. He followed her.
"What? Are you mad at me?" he asked. Dammit, he thought. I
didn't do anything!
"Not exactly," she answered.
"Well then, what exactly? I know you're upset. What did I do?"
he demanded.
She sighed, sitting down on the bed. She knew she was going to
cry. He kneeled on the floor before her, taking her hands.
"What?!? What's the matter? Oh Jen, are you pregnant?" he whispered.
She shook her head furiously, leaning over her lap as she started
to cry.
He held her head. "Baby, what's the matter?" he whispered. Oh
shit, he thought. She's breaking up with me.
She said something he couldn't understand. She was crying too
hard. He prompted her, raising her face up so she looked at him.
"I can't hear you if you bury your face in your arms," he told
her. "Come on, can't you tell me?"
"You mom hates me!" she repeated, sobbing and wiping the tears
away from under her eyes, so as not to smudge her mascara.
"What?!?" he exclaimed. "My mom doesn't *hate* you! Why do you
say that?"
She nodded tearfully. "Yes she does!" she insisted. "They hate
me. She thinks I'm a slut."
He sat on the bed next to her. "She doesn't! What happened?" he
asked slowly.
She began, telling him the story of the phone call, ending with,
"Ry! She knows we did it! Now she hates me!"
Ryan was furious at his mother. How dare she treat Jen that way?!?
"Ryan, did you tell her we did it? Did you tell your dad?" she demanded.
He paused, then nodded.
"Ryan!' she screamed, sobbing again. "Why did you have to tell
him? That was really stupid. Why?!?"
"He asked if we'd done it! I didn't think he'd tell my mom! He
wasn't mad at *all*, Jen. He told me about his first time and we had 'a
little moment' you could say."
She was still mad. "Well look where your 'little moment' got
us," she snapped.
"Jen, he asked me straight up whether we'd done it yet. I wasn't
going to lie. He doesn't mind, really he doesn't. He loves you Jen,
they both do. We didn't do anything wrong, got it? I don't know what my
mom's problem is," he said angrily. "She had no right to treat you like
that, okay? I'm not a little baby. You can come over *anytime* you like
Jen, okay? It doesn't matter what she thinks."
She shook her head. "It's her house, Ry. If she doesn't want me
there then I can't come over. They *are* your parents, Ryan."
"Yeah, but *I* want you there, okay? *I* will be disobeying her,
not you! And I bet you my dad will be on our side. We're going to get
this settled once and for all, okay?"
She didn't say anything.
"My mom probably just has PMS," he said, trying to lighten the
mood. He didn't want to scream and yell in front of her, it always upset
her when he did, and plus, she was upset enough already. "Jen, I gotta
go. I'm gonna go home and find out what the fuck my mom's problem is,
okay? I'll come back though, I promise. You stay here."
She nodded.
He hugged her. "Jen, *you* are the most important thing in my
life, got it?"
She smiled.
*****
Ryan drove home as fast as he could. He couldn't remember the
last time he'd been so angry. He made it home in ten minutes, pulling
into the driveway and slamming on his brakes. He ran into the house,
slamming the front door behind him. He ran into the living room, where
his parents sat watching TV.
"How *dare* you say that to Jen!" he yelled at his mother.
His dad looked up quickly. Ryan stood there, staring at his mom
like he was about to kill her.
"Ryan! Don't speak to your mother that way!" he ordered.
He ignored his father. His mom just looked back at him. "Well?"
he demanded. "What the *hell's* your problem?"
His father jumped up. "Would you mind telling me what is this
all about?" he said angrily.
"Your wife told my girlfriend, that she is not allowed to come
over here anymore, and that I am not allowed to go over to her house
anymore. She was completely rude to her. I'd like to know where you get
off saying that shit!"
His mom slammed the magazine down. "Don't you speak to me like
that!" she snapped, jumping up. "You may think you're an adult, but you
live in my house, and you will *not* speak to me like that! Ever!"
Ryan threw his hands up in the air. "Oh yes! I am just a little
baby who doesn't know anything! I have to consult my mommy before I do
anything!" he yelled sarcastically. "Well wake up! I have a life and I
will do what I please!"
JR grabbed his arm but he pushed him off. "What's the matter
with you? You promised me you wouldn't tell!" he yelled in his dad's face.
"What the hell is this all about?"
"*Your* wife thinks my girlfriend is a slut, now, because you
couldn't keep your damn mouth shut. I confided in you, and you had to
run off and tell her, because, for, whatever reason you did it!"
"I never said she was a slut!" yelled his mom.
"Well, practically! That's how you made her feel anyway!" he
yelled back.
JR looked at his wife, then his son, who both were fuming with
the same fiery temper. "I don't know what all happened here," he began,
"but I'm sure we can all sit down and talk about this like adults, okay?"
"I just want an apology for Jen, okay?" said Ryan. "Nobody
speaks to my girlfriend like that. Nobody!" he yelled at his mother.
"Aright, aright!" snapped his dad, grabbing Ryan and forcing him
to sit down.
"You need *rules*, Ryan!" shouted his mother. "You are not an
adult. I will not sit by and let you have sex and whatever else you're
doing! You are *too* young!"
"Oh yeah?!? How old was dad?" he asked pointedly.
"Let's get this straight," said his father calmly. "You told Jen
that she was no longer allowed to come over here anymore? That was
really out of line. We didn't discuss that at all, Karen."
"I didn't say that, I only said that she could only come over
when we're here."
Ryan rolled his eyes. "Same damn thing," he said.
"Especially when the boys are here. They're very impressionable
and I don't want them thinking sex is okay for them!"
"Give me a break! They're little kids! And what, do you think
we're going to do it when they're in the room or something? You guys
have sex! Will they think it's okay for them because you do it too?"
"Well, we're married. You and Jen are not. And you're still too young!"
"Oh, yeah. I suppose you waited until your wedding night."
Karen blushed. "You are too young!" she repeated, still shouting.
His dad yelled at her, "I told you that in confidence too! I
didn't think you were going to yell at Jen! I can't believe this. You
owe her an apology Karen. You were *way* out of line!"
She burst into tears. Ryan groaned; he hated it when his mom
cried. Sure enough, his dad retreated, saying he was sure she meant well
and that they did need to discuss some ground rules.
"This is bullshit!" shouted Ryan. "We are in love. We are! I
don't give a flying fuck what you have to say about it either! What's
the matter with you? If it comes down to you or Jen, I'm sorry, but you
are not going to win."
"What is that supposed to mean?" sobbed his mom. "You'd turn
your back on your family?"
"Will you force me to? Are you gonna make me? I will if you
force it. You'll chase me away. Why don't you wake up and realize I am
not a little boy anymore!"
"Well when you live in my house you will do what I say!" shot
back Karen.
"Well then maybe I won't live in your house!"
"Oh yeah? Where are you going to live?"
"I don't care, I'll drop out of school and get an apartment if I
have to. I'll get a full time job so I can live. You're not gonna run
my life!"
"Do her parents know you had sex?" demanded his mom. "Do they?
I'm willing to bet they don't. I'm sure they'd feel the same way I do."
"Man, I'm outta here," Ryan snapped, walking to the door angrily.
"Where are you going?" demanded his father. "You're running away
like a child!"
"No, I'm walking away like an adult!" he shouted back.
"Goddammit Ryan!" shouted his dad, as his son stomped out of the
living room.
Will and Robby stood crouched in the kitchen, eavesdropping.
"Where are you going Ryan?" asked Robby, wide-eyed, while Will whispered
tearfully, "Is Jen not gonna come over anymore?"
"She is if I say she is!" he yelled, slamming the front door as
he left.
*****
He drove around for awhile, just simmering in his anger. He
thought about his options. He was fully prepared to do what he'd said.
His parents weren't going to run his life. What if they took his car? he
thought. Shit, I don't care. He could stay with Jen for at least
tonight. He could leave then sneak back in if her parents were still up.
Finally he went back to her house. She was eating dinner with
her parents when he walked in. She just looked at him, and he stared
back down at her as her mom insisted he eat with them. He was starving,
it was almost nine o'clock.
"I thought you guys were going to go out on a date tonight," said
her dad as he sat down and got served up.
No longer dressed up, she looked at Ryan. "We had a change in
plans," she told her parents.
"Well, that's okay. You're always welcome for dinner Ryan,"
smiled her mom.
He thanked her, taking a sip of his milk. Jen played with her food.
"So what are you two going to do tonight?" asked her mom cheerfully.
"I don't know," said Jen. "Probably just hang out. We'll see."
"Aright," said her mom. "That's good. You have enough?" she
asked Ryan.
"Oh, yeah. Plenty! You're such a great cook," he complimented.
"Well, thank you!"
He finished his meal hurriedly. Finally he thanked her parents
for the food again, and slid back his chair. She excused them and he
followed her down the hall.
She closed the door, but of course didn't lock it (her parent's rule).
"What happened?" she asked. "Did you get in a huge fight?"
He nodded. "Yeah, it was pretty ugly."
"It was because she knows we did it?"
"Yeah."
Jen looked upset. "What happened?"
"Man! My mom's such a bitch. She just kept saying, 'You're too
young! This is my house, my rules,'" he mimicked.
Jen sighed. "So I can't come over anymore."
"Well, it was sort of ugly," he continued. "God, my dad's such a
wimp!" he said angrily. "He was all on our side, he even told my mom she
was way out of line! Then she started to cry and he flaked."
"Oh, Ryan. . . " He didn't say anything, just held her to him on
the bed. "So what happened?"
"Well, basically I told them to fuck off."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah! And I sort of told my mom that I wasn't going to abide by
her stupid rules."
"What did she say?"
"She said that if I lived there I would have to."
"Yeah? And what did you say?"
"I said that maybe I wouldn't live there anymore."
"Ryan! You have to live there. That's your home!" she exclaimed.
"Yeah, but I'm not going to live with them telling me what to do
like this and treating us this way."
"Yeah, but what would you do? Where could you live? I'd say you
could live with me, but I think my parents *sort* of wouldn't go for that!"
"I'll get an apartment! I can get another job. I can drop out
for now, and work full time until I get on my feet."
"Ryan! Don't be ridiculous. You're *not* going to drop out of
school. I won't let you. I'd break up with you before I'd do that!"
"Why? Come on Jen, I'm not going to live with that stupid bitch."
"Ryan! Don't talk about your mother that way!" she snapped.
"What the hell?!?" he demanded, sitting up. "Whose side are you
on, anyway?"
"Ryan, I'm on your side. But please don't be a jerk, okay?"
"Fine!" he snapped back. He sighed, laying back down on the bed.
She held him to her again, his head resting on her stomach while
she stroked his hair. "It'll be okay," she whispered hopefully. "I bet
it will. I think your mom just overreacted. Maybe she's in shock or
something. You *are* her first born you know."
He sighed. "I know."
"See? It'll be okay, I promise you. You're overreacting too;
you won't need to move away. Give her some time to calm down. And you
to calm down too. You guys both have a bad temper!"
"Yeah, I know."
They lay on the bed for awhile, just thinking. She was so
comforting to him, he could never stay angry very long when he was with
her. She always soothed him, and knew the right thing to say to him.
She was still stroking his hair when the phone rang. It rang
again. She made no motion to get it, then sighed. He sat up, saying,
"If it's them I'm not here."
She reached over for it. "Hello?"
"Hello Jen, this is JR, Ryan's father. Is he over there?"
She paused, giving Ryan a pointed look. He shook his hand
frantically. "Hold on a second," she said, covering up the receiver.
"It's your dad!" she whispered fiercely.
"I'm not here!" he whispered back.
"Yes, you *are*! Ry, I'm not going to lie to them. I don't want
to give them another reason to hate me."
He sighed. "Fine. *Tell* him I'm here then."
Jen got back on the phone. "Yes, he's here."
"May I speak with him please?"
"Hold on." She gave the phone to him.
"What?" he demanded rudely into the phone. Jen pinched him.
"Hello?" he sighed.
"Ryan, you need to come home. We need to discuss some things
with you. We discussed it and your mother has some things she needs to
say to you."
"Well, I don't have anything to say to her."
"Ryan, please come home," said his dad seriously.
"I'll think about it," he said defiantly.
"Well good. Come home tonight. Come on, swallow your pride for
once. You need to do that in life sometimes."
"I know," he said, sighing. "Yeah, I'll be over there pretty soon."
"Good. Can I speak with Jen a second?"
"Yeah, I guess," he said, handing the phone over to her. "He
wants to talk to you."
"Me?" she asked. She took the phone. "Hello?"
"Hi Jen. I heard what you said and I want you to know we *don't*
hate you. Ryan's mother was just a bit upset, and she overreacted. You
got the brunt of it I'm afraid. Ryan's going to come home and we're all
going to talk. I'm sure you can still come over all you like, if I have
anything to say about it anyway."
She smiled. "Thanks. Thanks a lot. It's okay, really."
"That's good. Well, tell Ryan I'll see him soon."
"Sure. Bye."
"Bye."
She hung up the phone.
"What'd he say?"
"Oh, that your mom just overreacted and stuff and that he was
sure I can still come over. Your dad is really cool, don't be a dick to
him."
"I'm not. I'm gonna go home tonight."
"Yeah, he said so.
"I'll wait awhile I think."
She nodded.
He felt much better, although he was still angry, and
apprehensive about going home. He lay back down again, staring up at the
ceiling.
She tried not to cry, still feeling very emotional about the
whole thing. Finally he stood up. He looked at her, and leaned over and
hugged her.
"Thanks," he said, squeezing her nose affectionately. "You
always make me feel better you know."
"I love you," she said, the tears spilling over.
"I love you too. Don't cry baby. I gotta go now. I'll be back soon."
She nodded. He kissed her, then left.
*****
She woke up from the knock on her window. It was Ryan. She got
up and let him into the dark room. He hugged her.
"What happened?" she whispered.
"It's cool now. My mom said she's sorry."
"Yeah?" she asked, relieved, climbing back into bed.
He followed her under the blankets, still in his clothes. He
tossed his baseball hat onto the desk, kicking off his shoes and pushing
them off the bed. "Yeah. She's going to apologize to you too. She
*does* like you Jen. They both love you. She was just mad at me."
Jen sighed. He kissed her, hugging her tight. "And they don't
think you're a slut. They never did. They know we're in love."
"Well what did they say about me coming over?" she whispered.
"Oh not much except you can. All you want. I can have anyone
over as long as they don't trash the house you know. And you're not
likely to do that!"
She giggled. "Darn. I'm gonna be scared to come over though,"
she whispered.
"Why?"
"Because! It's so awkward."
"Yeah, I know. But don't worry; things will be back to normal soon."
She nodded.
"But she still said she thought we were too young to have sex.
But that if I did it with anyone she was glad it was you."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Oh, and the thing with my brothers is still there. She
doesn't want us doing it when they're there. Or at least when they're
awake or I'm supposed to be watching them."
"That's fine. I can understand that."
"Yeah me too."
"What did your dad say?"
"He said that he was sorry and blah blah. And that we need to be
careful and all the dad stuff."
"We are. They're not going to tell my parents are they?" she
whispered. She'd been petrified of that. Her parents would probably
freak worse than his did.
"Ah, I doubt it. I don't think they would do that."
"Good. I hope they don't," she sighed. "Oh, I'm so glad we can
still see each other!"
"Yeah. Don't worry. No one could ever prevent me from seeing
you or keep us apart, got it?"
"Yeah, I know. I love you."
"I love you too." He held her to him. "Are you tired?" he whispered.
"Yeah. . . " she answered.
"Oh."
"But let's do it anyway," she whispered, kissing him.
In the dark, under the covers, she undressed him while he kissed
her. He lay on top of her, and she pulled her T-shirt off, breathing
heavily. He went down, his mouth between her legs while she gasped. He
licked and kissed her and she moaned softly. She was no longer sore, and
longed to feel him in her once again. They'd done it many times since
that first night, sneaking away and making love whenever they'd had the
chance.
Now he sucked her clitoris, and she came soon, arching her back
and opening her mouth as though to scream, but no sound came out. She
lay back down, trying to catch her breath.
He climbed back up, laying on top of her and entering her quickly
as she brought her knees up to his hips. He breathed a sigh of relief as
he slid up into her. Being in her was like heaven; he'd never felt
anything so great, or cum as hard as when he was up in her. He thrust a
few times, but it was too intense; he came soon after he entered her. He
groaned and stiffened while she held her to him.
He was fairly disappointed in his lack of stamina so far with
sex. The first time they did it for the night it was always over like
that, and he felt ashamed at how quickly he came. But she reassured him
that it was fine.
Luckily, he rarely needed a lot of time before he could do it
again, and again. After the first thrill was over, he could keep himself
going over and over all night. Maybe it was because he was only sixteen,
but they enjoyed his prowess; already they'd spent many nights going at
it till the early hours of the morning.
He pulled her on top of him, and she took him in her again, while
she gasped in pleasure. It was incredible. She'd learned how to keep
her balance and ride him, which he loved. There was nothing better than
laying back and letting her take charge of her pleasure, watching her
rocking above him while her breasts hung in his face.
She grunted and gasped and swore at him in his ear. He'd laughed
at her when she first starting doing that; he'd never heard her swear so
much as when she was cumming. Now it turned him on, when she groaned for
him to fuck her it made him wild.
She still ground herself into him above him, her sweaty chest
pinned to his. They kissed and kissed and he thrust back into her while
he lay there. She buried her head in the pillow and screamed. God,
we're lucky her parents are sound sleepers, he thought. Cumming, she
whimpered while her muscles contracted over and over, squeezing his dick
rhythmically. He came himself at the same time, ejaculating high up into
her, and they held each other and muffled their cries of pleasure. She
kept moving on him until they were both exhausted, and finally she just
collapsed back on him, breathing hard.
"That was *good*," he whispered, gasping.
"Oh yeah," she breathed.
"I love you so much," he whispered in her ear.
"I love you too."
Chapter 20
Karen did apologize to Jen the first chance she had. It was hard
for Jen to look her in the eye, but soon everything was back to normal.
In the summer they had a barbecue, with friends and family over.
All the kids swam and played volleyball. As it turned into evening it
began to get a bit chilly, and Jen was still in the pool, trying to keep
warm. Ryan was sitting on a lawn chair, trying to soak up the last of
the sun's rays.
"Ryan," said his mom, who was wrapping up the food while she
chatted with a friend. "Will you go get me a sweater? It's getting cold."
"Just a minute, okay?" he replied.
"Ryan, I asked you now, okay?"
"Will you just hold on a minute?"
"I'll go get it, Mom!" volunteered Will, jumping up. "Where is it?"
"Um, it should be in the kitchen," she told her youngest son.
Ryan rolled his eyes at Will's obvious brown-nosing. Right then
Jen came over from the pool, wrapped in a towel. She sat on the edge of
Ryan's lawn chair, shivering as her teeth chattered. He took his own
towel and wrapped it around her shoulders.
"You cold?" he asked.
"Yes!" she laughed. "It was so hot like an hour ago!"
He sat up. "You want your clothes, or a sweatshirt or something?"
She nodded, shivering. "Yeah, please. Thanks hon," she told him
as he jumped up and ran into the house.
It was Karen's turn to roll her eyes. "Hmph," she said as she
carried food into the house.
JR grinned at her while he covered the barbecue.
"What?" Jen asked, confused.
"She just asked Ryan to get her a sweater. He wouldn't."
"What?" she exclaimed, sounding surprised at Ryan. "Why not?"
JR shrugged. "I don't know. He told her to wait, but Will
offered to go get it for her."
Jen laughed. "Will. Yeah, he's her little baby," she noted.
His dad smiled again. "Yeah, but Ryan is her first born. Ryan
used to be her little baby you know."
Jen looked surprised as she now understood what his dad had been
laughing about. "Yeah, but he's my little baby now!" she told him with a
coy smile.
He laughed again. "Yeah, and I bet she's knows it. She's known
it for awhile," he told her with another grin.
Ryan came back out then with her clothes. They looked at him
hurrying out and laughed.
"What?" Ryan asked them, mystified.
They just laughed as Jen gave him a hug and kiss and said thank you.
Chapter 21
Jen was awoken by footsteps outside her door. It was Ryan of
course, and soon he was in her bed. He lay next to her, holding her
tightly in the dark. She kissed him, and climbed on him, pulling her
shirt off. He responded, kissing her back as he lay there. She stripped
him, sucking his cock until it was hard. He tried to go down but she
pulled him back up, eager to have him in her.
He slid it in, and she sighed as he began thrusting on top of
her. She lay back and closed her eyes. He began to kiss her as his hard
dick moved in and out of her.
Suddenly he stiffened, and stopped moving, then pulled out of
her. She opened her eyes to see him looking down between them. In a
flash he was off her, laying on his stomach as he faced the wall.
"Ryan?" she whispered. What was the matter? He wouldn't look at
her, and she figured it out.
What could she say? She felt horrible, ugly and unattractive.
But she knew that he didn't think so. She looked the same as she had the
last time they did it.
"It's okay. . . " she told him, rubbing his back. "Are you
drunk?" she asked. She didn't think he was.
He shook his head slowly, still not looking at her. He got up
then, pulling his pants on in the dark.
"Where are you going?" she asked. "Are you leaving?"
"I gotta go," he mumbled.
"Ryan! Don't leave!"
He ignored her, sitting on the bed as he quickly tied his shoes.
She touched his arm, but he shook her off.
"Ryan! Talk to me!" she begged, in tears.
He left quietly. She lay back in the bed, crying. Why wouldn't
he talk to her? She didn't care about what happened. Maybe he thought
she thought he was a failure or something? That could be the only
thing. But why had it happened? And why did he have to leave? The
whole thing was so weird.
She looked at the clock. It wasn't too late, only 10:30. She
turned on the light, picking up her phone and dialing.
"Hello?" asked a male voice.
"Danny?"
"Yeah. Hi."
"Hi, it's Jen. . . "
"Hey Jen! What's up? How are you?" he asked.
"Good. . . Well, kinda bad actually," she whispered.
"What's the matter? I haven't talked to you in a couple weeks."
"It's Ryan. . . "
"What- did you guys break up?"
"No. It's just, something happened."
"What?"
"Well, I need a guy's advice. And I need to talk to you
especially because you don't know Ryan much, and he won't find out I told."
"Aright. You can tell me. I'll try to help. What happened?"
"Well. . . I guess it's embarrassing. Well, he came over, and
we were doing it, and, and then he couldn't do it anymore. . . " she told
him.
"What? Oh, you mean he went *soft*?" he asked, surprised.
"Yeah! And he got really upset and he left and he wouldn't even
talk to me," she whined. "He just said, 'I gotta go,' and he left."
"Hmm. . . Was he drunk?"
"No. I asked him and he said he wasn't. I mean, I don't care.
It's not like I was using him for sex and that's it or something."
Danny sighed. "Hmm. . . Man! I mean, I'm sure he's really
upset, and he was probably too upset to talk."
"Well why did it happen?" she demanded. "What did I do? Has it
ever happened to you?"
"No, of course not!" he insisted.
She laughed. "No, really."
"No, actually it hasn't. Not with a girl. But," he added
honestly. "It probably will happen some day. Probably more than once
even. It happens to every guy sometime, but it's not like we talk about it."
"Well why did it happen?"
"I don't know. Maybe he was tired, or he didn't want to do it
probably. He probably didn't want it but he didn't know, and that was
his little dude's way of saying, 'Hey! I'm tired and I don't want to
work tonight!'"
She laughed, feeling better. "But he wouldn't talk to me. He
just left," she said glumly.
"Yeah, he was upset. He's probably stressed too," Danny added.
"Do- do you think he feels like a failure maybe? Isn't that how
guys feel?"
"Oh, maybe. I mean, you tell me. You know him a lot better than
I do!"
"Well, I don't know. I thought he wanted to do it," she said glumly.
"Did you instigate or did he?"
"Well, he came over! I guess that's instigating."
"Coming over isn't instigating unless he shows up naked. Maybe
he just wanted to hang out. So what did he do when he came over? Did he
rip your clothes off?"
"No. . . Actually, I ripped his clothes off," she admitted,
feeling bad. "Maybe I should have asked him if he wanted to do it?"
"Well, yeah, you should have."
"Oh," she said, feeling even worse."
"Well, has he ever said no?"
"No. I don't think he ever has."
"Well, he probably would have said yes anyway, even if he didn't
want to. Maybe, who knows."
"Why?" she whined. "Why the hell can't he just tell me he didn't
want to?"
"Maybe he feels like it's his duty. To please you you know.
Well I'm sure he thinks like pleasing you is his duty, but now maybe he
feels like, like a piece of meat!"
Jen laughed again. "But how am I supposed to know if he wants to
do it or not if he won't tell me?"
"I don't know. Maybe you guys need to talk. Make sure he knows
it's okay for him to say no. Of course," he added. "I can't tell you
for sure if that's the problem, he maybe was just too tired or stressed
or something. But don't demand a reason from him, 'cause he probably has
no clue either and feels bad."
"He left. Should I call him? Or maybe go see him?"
"Well, you can. He probably just went driving around, looking
for the nearest cliff to drive off. . . "
"Danny!" she laughed.
"I'm just kiddin' you. I mean, he'll probably come back. Just
give him a hug and tell him you love him, and don't say anything about it
unless he does first. Don't make him talk about it unless he wants to."
"I guess. . ."
"Okay?"
"Yeah. You've been a big help, Danny. Thank you."
"No problem. Are you gonna tell him you talked to me?'
"Hell no! He'll shoot me!"
Danny laughed. "I know, I was just kiddin'. Tell him I say 'hi'
when he comes back," he teased.
"Yeah sure! Well, I gotta go. Talk to you later."
"Bye, kiddo."
"Bye."
Jen lay back, feeling better. But her room was still lonely
without Ryan there. She sighed. She shut off the light and went back to
bed. A few hours later she fell asleep.
*****
When she woke up it was nearly light outside. Ryan was laying
next to her, looking at her.
She inched closer to him, and hugged him. "I love you," she mumbled.
"I love you too."
She smiled, then closed her eyes again as she rested her head on
his chest. She didn't say anything else, and neither did he. They both
fell asleep.
When he woke up she wasn't in bed. He lay there still, tired.
Eventually she came back into her room with a flower from her backyard.
"This is for you," she told him, handing it to him shyly.
He took it, smiling at her. "Thanks."
She climbed back into the warm bed, stretching as she lay next to
him. She didn't say anything.
He started. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.
"Oh yeah? You shouldn't be."
"Yes I should. Last night- it wasn't very good last night."
"Yeah?"
"You know. I'm sorry."
"Well, I wished you would have stayed and talked to me. I don't
care at all about what happened."
"Yeah, I should have stayed. . . "
"You know I don't care about what happened. I don't care at all."
He paused. "Well, it's never happened to me before. I don't
know. . . "
"I'm sorry if I ever put pressure on you. You know I love you,
not it."
"You don't put pressure on me. . . "
"Well, I do. See, you wanted to give me pleasure, by going down
on me, but I wouldn't let you. I made you get hard and I didn't even ask
you if you wanted to do anything. See."
"Maybe. . . "
"And you put pressure on you too," she told him quietly, playing
with the blanket. "It's okay for you to say no. Just like it's okay for
me to say no. Got it?"
He nodded.
"And I'm sorry about what happened before," she told him
quietly. "I still feel really bad about what a bitch I was."
"When?"
"You know. . . A couple of weeks ago."
He laughed. "Jen, I think it's funny that you made me do it so
much! I told you I'm not mad."
"No, see, but what I said and stuff. I know I told you I didn't
mean it, and I was out of my mind and all, but maybe you still think
about it. . . "
"No, Jen! I don't!"
She rubbed his shoulders. "Maybe you do."
"I told you, I don't!"
"I never meant it," she whispered. "I know maybe you think,
maybe. . . I don't know. . . Maybe I hurt you a lot? " She started to
sniffle, wiping her eyes.
"Jen!" he said. "Are we still talking about the same thing here?"
She nodded. "Yes! 'Member when I said that if you loved me you
would be able to do it again?" she cried.
He groaned, pulling her to him. "Don't worry about it. I know
you didn't mean it. You were drunk."
She shook her head frantically. "No! You know, you say that you
shouldn't excuse someone's behavior because they were drunk. It still
counts."
He didn't say anything.
"But I didn't mean it."
He sighed. "I know you didn't," he said quietly, looking at his hands.
"I love you."
He smiled, and nodded. "I love you too."
"And you know, we don't have to make love for me to feel close to
you, for us to feel close," she whispered. "You know?"
He smiled. "I know. I love you."
"I love you too!" She kissed him. "Now let's have a great day, okay?"
"Sure. Let's have a great rest of our lives."
continued. . .
-- CJ
I don't write any stories. I'm just a reader, and sometimes a reposter.
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