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A DIALOG LESSON

by Felix Lance Falkon

[there are no restrictions whatever or posting, archiving, copying, or
publishing this story]

=====================
 
     Morgenstern looked up at Jon's taut-muscled body as the lusty 
young writer started his first thrust -- but with less than an inch 
inside, Jon stopped and held himself perfectly still. "What's the 
matter?" Morganstern asked. "Short fuze," Jon said. "Afraid I'll shoot 
too soon."

     "May I make a few suggestions?" asked Morgenstern.

     "Sure," said Jon. "Go ahead."

     "Instead of putting your reply in the **same* paragraph as my 
question, the way you just did in the first paragraph of this story, 
start a new paragraph for **every* change in who's talking, as I'm 
doing now."

     "Uh - why?

     Morgenstern said, "It makes it lots easier for the reader to tell 
who's saying what. Like -- in that first paragraph, the reader's not 
quite sure who said that he's afraid of shooting too soon. Also, it 
makes for short paragraphs, which are easier to read than screens full 
of unbroken type -- indenting each paragraph makes the story easier to 
read too. And since that's the way almost all fiction is written, it's 
what the reader expects -- and you don't want to distract the reader 
from what we're doing Right Now."

     "Okay; what else?"

     "When you ask a question in dialog, put the question mark or 
exclamation point **inside* the quote marks, and when you do, you 
don't need a comma too. Like this: see?"

     "Oh." Jon took a deep breath, went another inch deeper. "And -- 
did you say you had more suggestions?"

     "Yup." Morgenstern met Jon's next thrust with a wiggle and a 
squirm. "When you have a bit of dialog that **doesn't* end with a 
question mark or an exclamation point, and **is* followed by `he said' 
-- or `he asked' or `he replied' -- then use a comma -- **inside* the 
quotation marks -- like this. Use a period -- inside the quote marks 
-- only when you don't have a `he said' -- or `asked' or the like 
following the quote marks."

     Jon said, "Oh. I think I understand."

     "Three more things: Don't feel that you have to reach for 
substitutes for `said' for your speech tags -- using `observed' or 
`responded' or `intoned' is more distracting than the simple `he 
said,' with an occasional `he replied' or -- for questions, `he 
asked.' Use `whispered' or `growled' **very* sparingly, and only when 
you're giving the reader additional information that the context 
doesn't already make clear."

     "And the other two things?" Jon asked. He was breathing harder 
now, and going deeper with every stroke.

     "One way to break up the monotony of `he said' `he said' `he 
said' is to leave off the speech tag entirely -- but only when it's 
perfectly obvious who's speaking. With just the two of us, and you 
asking questions and me answering them, we can go for about three 
paragraphs without confusing the reader.

     "And if one of us talks for more than one paragraph at a time -- 
like I'm doing now -- leave off the end-of-paragraph quote marks until 
the **last* paragraph," Morganstern said as he locked his legs around 
Jon's waist. "You still need opening quotes at the **start* of every 
paragraph of a multi-paragraph speech like this one.

     "The other way to break up that monotony -- and remember that the 
reader isn't really going to notice so long as the rest of the story 
is interesting -- is what we're doing right here." Morgenstern felt 
Jon's muscles tighten, felt him go in to the hilt with every stroke. 
"In the same paragraph with some in-quotes dialog, step out of the 
quoted part and put in something -- like me getting turned by feeling 
that you're getting close -- that advances the plot at the same time 
that the writer establishes who is saying what's within the quote 
marks."

     "Yeah? Well, I think this is a really **weird* time to make with 
a grammar lesson. Hey! I even noticed how you're using single quotes 
inside the double-quote marks."

     Morgenstern felt a grin spread across his face. "Well, it kept 
you going, didn't it? Instead of going off too soon, the way young 
studs like you usually do when they're riding a sexy hunk like me, 
you've been riding me for -- Hey! Slow down -- you're almost there!"

     "Yeah -- I -- noticed," Jon gasped, went rigid, then slowly, 
slowly relaxed. "I was pumping along okay until you reminded me just 
what we're doing, and all of a sudden it was too late to stop." He 
panted for a moment, then said, "I bet you couldn't give a lesson like 
that with you on top."

     "I can so! Where did I put my stuff? I always carry a few in my
pocket, and I gotta put one on before we . . ." 

     "Don't worry -- I got a supply in my bureau. Let me check." Jon 
straightened his arms, looked down at their still-linked bodies, and 
said, "Yeah -- as thick as you are, `extra large' oughta fit you just 
right."

     ============================================================


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