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Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 229 - Oct 29 - Halloween Special Issue
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Celestial Reviews 229 - October 29, 1997
Note: Here are the Top 10 Reasons Trick-or-Treating is Better than Sex
10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. Person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
5. 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you wear a Bill Clinton mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
AND....
1. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door!!!
Second note: In the spirit of the season, I am reposting some reviews of
stories that combine sex with Halloween-like themes. I interpreted this
topic loosely - including stories with ghosts, vampires, and costume balls as
well as specifically Halloween stories. Many of these are old reviews
{marked by an asterisk *}, and I have not revised the originals. Watch out
for your local incubus or succubus tonight!
Third note: A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked Halloween
party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go
to the party and have a good time. Being the devoted husband, he protested;
but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed.
She insisted that there was no need for him to miss the fun. So he took his
costume and away he went.
After sleeping soundly for an hour, the wife awakened without pain; and since
it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Because her husband did
not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some kicks watching
him to see how he acted when she was not around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the
dance floor. He was dancing with every nice looking woman he could and was
copping a feel here and taking a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him;
and since she was a rather seductive woman herself, he left his partner high
and dry and devoted his time to the new "action".
She let him go as far as he wished. Finally he whispered a little proposition
in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a
little bang.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped out, went home, put the
costume away, and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would
have for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in,
and she asked him what he had done.
He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when
you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I never even danced one dance. When I got to the party, I met
Pete, Bill, and some other guys; so we went into the den and played poker all
evening. But I'll tell you... the guy that I loaned my costume to sure had
one hell of a time!"
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Trick and Treat: Halloween 1980" by Celeste (Halloween sex)
10, 10, 10
"Halloween Party" by WifePose (wife watching) 7, 8, 8
"Costumes" by Lord Malinov (Halloween orgy) 10, 10, 10
"Going Home" by Kim (romantic ghost story) 10, 10, 10
"Predator: A Tale for Halloween" by The Bear (scary sex story)
10, 10, 10
"Queer Halloween" by Vickie Tern (transgender revenge)
10, 8, 8
"Ghost" by Wgnmkr (ghostly masturbation) 9, 9, 9
Guest Reviews:
"The Body Swap" by Dawn (TG witchcraft) 10, 10, 5
"Private Tasting" by Artie (witchcraft) 9.5, 7, 7
"All Souls Night" by Marawuti (erotic gothic novella)
10, 10, 10
"The Fearless Vampire" by Poison Ivy (vampire sex)
10, 10, 10
Reposted Reviews:
* "Love You Forever" by Rahul L Iyer (Halloween romance)
7, 6, 6
* "Masks - A Horror Story" by Tom Bombadil (Halloween)
10, 10, 10
* "Meeting Amanda" by Backrub (sex with a vampire) 10, 10, 10
* "Intimate with the Vampire 2.0" by Rocket88 (vampire
sex) 10, 10, 10
* "The Warlock" by Rocket88 (witchcraft & whippings)
6, 9, 9
* "Diana" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (mysterious outdoor sex)
10, 10, 10
* "Wet Dreams" by Backrub (mind control & dreams)
10, 10, 10
* "Tales of the Seeding" by Wollstonecraft (Primitive sex
rituals) 10, 10, 10
* "Porno TV: The Munsters" by Shelby Bush
(sitcom parody) 10, 9.5, 9.5
* "Bed and Breakfast" by RC (ghostly sex) 9.5, 9.5, 9
* "Night of the Wolves" by Lysander (bestiality) 10, 9.5, 10
* "Princess" by Parker (TG Halloween Party) 10, 9.5, 9
* "The Addams Family: Eddie Comes to Visit" by Shelby Bush
(sitcom parody) 10, 9.5, 9.5
* "Halloween" by RC (vampire sex) 10, 9, 9
* "Boo!" by PleaseCain (mutilation station!) 10, 10, 10
* "Brown Mountain Incident" by Charles Baudot (mysterious
Mm encounter) 10, 9, 9
* "Temptation" by PleaseCain (poetic meditation) 10, 10, 10
* "True Love" by Dafney Dewitt (murder on Halloween)
10, 9, 9
* "Haunting Memories" by Gaetana (haunted house) 9.5, 8, 6
* "Goodnight Kiss" by Ben Zonah (vampire sex) 8, 8, 8
* "Ghost: The Long Goodbye" by Unknown Author
(ghostly sex) 4, 3, 3
"Trick and Treat: Halloween 1980" by Celeste (Reposted by Bookman Archives).
This story is by the OTHER Celeste, not by the prominent sex goddess who
writes reviews on a.s.s.
Here we have a story about three college women living together. One has been
down in the dumps because of a recent break-up; and then right before the
Halloween party, the sexier chick becomes suspicious about the fidelity of
her boyfriend. So the first woman is going to dress like the Invisible Woman
and try to seduce the boyfriend of the second woman - one of those soap opera
moves that so often work out well. Anyway, the guy takes her to the attic
and fucks her brains out, but the other woman fails to show up; but who
cares?
Some of the scenes from the seduction are unusual and interesting. For
example, how would you react if a woman you were flirting with filled her
celery stick with dip, ripped a whole in her costume, and inserted the snack
into her pussy? Anyway, a good time is had by all.
Ratings for "Trick and Treat"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Halloween Party" by WifePose (wifepose@aol.com). The husband has been
begging his wife to wear in public her cute little French maid uniform. His
cock practically jumps out of his pants when she agrees to wear the costume
to the Halloween party and to let nature take its course with the other
merrymakers. Things go pretty much as planned, and she makes it with Robin
Hood and his roommate while her husband watches. They never see these two
men again - but maybe next year at the party they'll get equally lucky.
Ratings for "Halloween Party"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Costumes" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). The author does an
excellent job making the lewd and lovely, lithe and lascivious Diana seem
eminently fuckable long before the real action commences. Rarely a day goes
by when Diana doesn't surprise the narrator, and today she has decided to
brighten their daily ambiance with a simple but tasty - er, tasteful - orgy.
However, the main action occurs in her retelling of her first
multiple-partner debauchery, while the narrator stimulates her to orgasm. In
fact, if you are currently taking a course where you are required to report
on a story that runs parallel to the Canterbury Tales, this one might be a
good selection.
The tail within a tale takes place at a Halloween party during which
inhibitions have disappeared and people are using sexually explicit tactile
clues to guess the identities of the still-masked people. As usual at such
fictional parties, a good time is had by all. The titillation of sex with
known-but-unknown sexual partners is extremely well done. The author has
orchestrated an orgy in a manner that would make Mark Aster and the Allen
Sisters proud to participate.
Ratings for "Costumes"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Going Home" by Kim (kim@nym.alias.net). This romantic, sentimental story
may not score high on the peter meter; but it's a very well written, touching
story that takes a serious look at what life after death may be like for the
dead person and the loved one who is left behind. There's really not that
much to say about it. You should read it not when you're looking for an
orgasm, but when you're in the mood for a serious thought or two.
Ratings for "Going Home"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Predator: A Tale for Halloween" by The Bear (thebear@io.com). Gary is seated
at a bar on Halloween, looking around at all of the people in costume. He
himself is wearing a rubber mask of Quasimodo, but not the kind and gentle
Quasimodo of the insipidly revisionist Disney film. This mask shows a
tortured, scarred, angry face -- the face of Quasimodo as he must have looked
when he murdered his master, and when he went into the charnel chamber to die
with the dead Esmerelda in his arms. Gary likes the mask, because it makes
him look on the outside the way he often feels on the inside.
Gary is a dysfunctional person. But he is safe, because in his back pants
pocket he has a very large knife.
Finally, Gary sees The Girl for tonight. Her smile reminds him of his
sister, a real slut whore who had always smiled like that before that one
night.
How do we get from here to a small, brown cat going unnoticed out through the
dance club to the street? Well, it's Halloween! You'll have to read the
story to find out.
Ratings for "Predator"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Queer Halloween" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). Jerry is a fucking,
two-timing son of a bitch. Or at least he WAS. However, Jerry has a wife
who doesn't just get mad; she gets even. And in a Vickie Tern story that
means Emasculation Station!
The revenge unfolds at the company's Halloween party, to which she forces him
to go as a gay man, while she goes as a shameless slut. This author is a
genius at transgender complications and clever ways to humiliate and subdue
wandering husbands; but this story didn't catch my fancy as much as some of
the author's other stories. On the other hand, it's still a very creative
Halloween story.
Ratings for "Queer Halloween"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Ghost" by Wgnmkr (Wgnmkr@aol.com). A guy goes into a haunted hotel room;
and while he naps, a ghost with a raging hard-on possesses his body and gives
him erotic dreams. When he wakes up, he jerks off. It's a simple but
interesting story.
Ratings for "Ghost"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Body Swap" by Dawn (dawn_tg@hotmail.com). Guest review by BillyG. {Note
from Celeste: This was sent to me as a text file. The title on the story in
this text file was "The Body Swap," with no author listed. After BillyG
wrote this review, I tracked the story down in DejaNews, where it was listed
as "The Switch: A Bewitching Tale of Gender Reversal by Dawn
<dawn_tg@hotmail.com>. PLEASE put your name and the title of the story with
your manuscript - preferably on the top two lines. Otherwise, people will
simply be unable to find your stories.}
It has happened to me several times that I've wanted to experience what it
was like to be a woman. These have always been in those tender moments of
sexual ecstasy and transportation when ego lines were blurred, when I lost
definition of where I ended and my lover began. In those moments, I've
wondered what it would be like to experience such sexual bliss as a woman.
When Celeste gave this story to me for review, I thought it might approach
such light-hearted and sensuous considerations. I'm sorry to say, that was
not the case.
At the outset, let me say that this story is well written with a strong plot.
A plot, I might add, that grows increasingly dark and for me, a little
disturbing. It is not a sexy story - in fact, there's almost no sex in it at
all. In brief, it's about a strong-willed woman, Erica who is, as it turns
out, a witch and her less-than-strong husband, Steve. The witch proposes a
body swap, just for the experience.
The resultant new Erica, the former Steve, turns out to be an ultra feminine
who delights in her new status and more, becomes totally submissive and
dependent on the new, super-male Steve. The story takes on a darker side
that for me, was not attractive. Those males who would rather be female
might not understand that those of us who are content in our maleness might
find the obvious direction of this story unsettling.
At the conclusion of the story, it had become evident that it was a modified
transgender story with elements of non-loving domination. For all of that,
it's compelling and moving.
Ratings for "The Body Swap"
Technical Quality: 10
Plot & Character: 10
Appeal to reader: 5 (Marks off for the uncaring and manipulative
tone of the story.)
"Private Tasting" by Artie (artie@netgate.net). Guest review by Mike Hunt.
Psst. Wanna read a story about wine tasting? It could be educational,
depending on your level of knowledge about wines and, uh, witches. Yes,
there's a bona fide witch here in the story, who drugs and seduces and turns
the taster into the tastee. But the story goes from Point A to Point B, with
none of the interesting side trips that either the wine tasting or
supernatural themes could present. Too bad.
OK, so I'll cut the writer a little slack, because Halloween approaches, and
drugs and witches are encouraged this month, at least in my church. But
really, in the other 11 months, who would care about a pedestrian story that
glosses over the magic that could be witchcraft while plodding through a
sequence of "I obey" "You obey?" "I will obey" (repeat 3 times) that makes
the Nutritional Content Chart on the back of my Rice-A-Roni box look
positively interesting by comparison.
I'm being too harsh. It's a decent story, but falls into all the obvious
traps: the physical description of the female comes in the opening set-up.
There's no cloak and little dagger in the story. Convenient appliances just
happen to be available (the witch even has a handy blood-testing unit to scan
for herpes! - not to mention an electric wine-chiller in the cottage in the
hillside.) Just saying someone's a witch doesn't make them a witch; it's up
to the writer to paint it all in. The writer, artie, didn't.
Uh, what was that twinge in my shoulder?
Ratings for "Private Tasting"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 7
Mikeus (appeal to reviewer): 7
"All Souls Night" by Marawuti [novella] (Reposted by Bookman Archives).
Guest review by Green Onions. {Note from Celeste: Wulf is a recurring
character in this author's magic and sorcery stories. I gave "Night in
Vosgraad" high ratings in CR 89.}
"My name is Wulf . . . and I am what might generously be
called a creative freelance contractor. What this means in
real terms is that I lie, cheat, and steal (usually from
people who deserve it, mind you -- I have some integrity) to
make a living."
Sounds like the beginning of a classic Bogart movie, or a Chandler piece,
right? Our Hero's not exactly what you'd call a 'gentleman'--he's been
through his ups and downs and just doesn't fit too neatly into the mainstream
of middle-class Litharnaian life with its grimy inns, busty barmaids,
rusticated yokels, ancient traditions, overweening central governments and
just about every imaginable Weird Creature this side of H.P. Lovecraft.
Have you ever wondered what would happen if Robin Hood had been crossbred
with a curious mixture of Bogart, Marlowe, and James Bond and the resulting
swashbuckler's DNA got accidentally spliced in with that of the sheriff in
Mel Brooks' 'Blazing Saddles' (don't forget to add the obligatory Eye of
Leslie Nielsen and a tiny pinch of Alfred E. Neumann's giggle)--just before
our _potpourri_ protagonist falls into a time tunnel transporter and gets
unexpectedly beamed back into the world of _Dracula_ because the
transporter's operator was too busy masturbating and reading a.s.s. on her
laptop to pay any attention to the controls?
I bet you have. And if so, then this witches' brew of harmless erotic
literary fun is for you ("_Bon Appetit_!").
Um . . . did I say "harmless?" Well that doesn't mean that our friend
doesn't occasionally end up tied to the bedpost overhearing one tall, busty,
blond vampiress (think Brunhilde masquerading as Dolly Parton--or is it
vice-versa?) explain in a suitably sultry voice to her companion:
"Human blood is an exquisite intoxicant, and blood taken when a
human is at the height of ecstasy is the finest you can
consume. The master spared this one so that you could have
him, and see how passion can make the blood hot and
delectable."
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The story begins on its namesake of 'All Souls Night' in Litharnia, whilst
our hero is out not-so-innocently plying his questionable trades when he
meets Khaera, a young (but not _too_ young) barmaid "with a graceful, wavy
cascade of ravenswing hair, and dark, wicked eyes that latched onto mine as
tightly as a dwarf's fist around his last gold coin."
Therein begins a chain of bizarre, violent, sexy, scary and satirical
circumstances which eventually (in the tradition of J.R.R. Tolkien and Monty
Python) take Our Hero on a Great Quest.
Like James Bond, he's accompanied by a female sidekick (Livia) whose life
he's saved in the natural course of being a superhero. It's hard not to
notice that Livia bears a remarkable physical resemblance to the young Mia
Farrow ('Rosemary's Baby').
<RRRRRRRRR---IIIIIII-----PPPPPPP>
(That's the sound of a record being scratched as the phonograph is suddenly
stomped on by a lurking raven.)
Actually this is the nineties and we don't have record players any more, so
those descriptions were way off base. In this gender-swapping modern
equivalent, it's _her_ quest, she rescues _him_, and he's *her* sidekick.
("'Ye Gods. Save a man's life and he thinks he's your frigging husband!'")
To learn more about their travels, travails and triumphs, you'll have to
read this story for yourself--but if you don't mind violence and enjoy any of
the genres involved (humor, gothic, satire, horror, fantasy, adventure, or
just plain erotica), you'll like this extremely funny, ironic, dynamic,
vivacious and well-written sexy novella.
I usually like to annoy authors by ending my reviews with a few officious
remarks regarding possible improvements to the work, but in this case I fear
that I am almost certainly dealing with someone whose magical literary powers
might turn me into a silent pillar of quivering bloodspattered salt were I to
even conceptualize a mere monosyllable of such blasphemous blarney.
So I ain't gonna misbehave: instead I'll save my sin and head for the
Chronicles of Litharnia--a place wherein I'd advise Ye, O Hallowed Reader, to
tread most carefully in deed.
Ratings for "All Soul's Night"
Venus (plot & character): 10
Athena (technical quality): 10
Green Onions (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Fearless Vampire" by Poison Ivy. Guest review by Mike Hunt.
I've seen enough of them, and I've hated almost every one. Stories told in
present tense, I mean. "I feel your hands on my body. You move to kiss me.
Our lips touch." That sort of melodramatic nonsense. There's something that
just doesn't ring true about 'present tense' stories, but authors who write
that way say "I just type at the keyboard and describe what's going through
my head, so it's in present tense."
I remember someone (Celeste?) saying the trouble is that the reader isn't
sitting in the author's imagination in the present tense, so while it may be
interesting for the writer it rarely works for the reader. I don't often get
past the first couple paragraphs of these stories, frankly. In fact, I HATE
them. So why did I love this story?
Poison Ivy lets me inside her head. Really inside, believably inside, and I
begin to feel what she feels as she suffers life's daily mundanities. I'm
reminded of Taria's "Walls Have Ears" where the kid is going "Fuck fuck fuck
fuck, I have to take out the garbage" except in this story it"s fear in the
elevator, loathing the fat coworker, waiting for the 5:00 whistle, or any
number of other everyday moments brought to life. Here, somehow, present
tense works, and it's a refreshing change.
The title sets up an expectation which doesn't pay off until the last 10% of
the story, however, and I couldn't help being distracted wondering when the
supernatural, or the horror, or whatever would finally appear. When it did it
was somewhat of a letdown, especially considering how much I enjoyed the
first part of the story.
That said, it's a dandy, and if you're in a semi-Halloweenish mood, try this
one on. To give you a summary would be fruitless; the title doesn't quite
guide you either. "The Fearless Vampire" is mostly story, a little sex, not
too much vampire, and sort of fun for a cold dark night in October.
Ratings for "The Fearless Vampire"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Mikeus (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Love You Forever" by Rahul L Iyer (Rahul.L.Iyer@rose-hulman.edu). The
guy's fiancee dies in a car crash two days before Halloween, but she returns
from the dead on that Great Feast to make love to him. This story needs a
lot of development.
Ratings for "Love You Forever"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
* "Masks - A Horror Story" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). This story
arrived the day after I posted my Halloween Special Issue of Celestial
Reviews; but better late than never! The story begins with a John
contemplating his imminent demise - that is, he is waiting to be killed as
part of some kind of ritual that evening, after being held in chains for a
year since last Halloween. We don't initially know the complete rationale,
but it sure sounds spooky - and morbid. In stark contrast, this first plot
alternates with another in which Wally and Jennifer are participating in a
festive soiree being conducted by some student athletes on the eve of All
Saints Day - that is, some football players are having a Halloween beer
bash. A vampire countess and a beautiful witch crash the Halloween party.
Needless to say, these two are the real McCoy. The connection between the
two plots is that the party crashers are recruiting for their next cycle of
human sacrifices. This story is certainly vivid and well written; but it's
not for the weak of heart - or stomach. Don't say I didn't warn you!
Ratings for "Masks"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Meeting Amanda" by Backrub. Here we have what my psychology professor
referred to as an approach-avoidance dilemma. (When the prof told us about
it, she talked about pigeons; but I'm pretty sure I still have the idea
right.) I had never read a Backrub story I _didn't_ like; but I had never
read a vampire story that I _did_ like. The tension alone, of course, would
have made a less sophisticated woman cum in her panties; but I was wearing
none. Therefore, I boldly went where I had never gone before....
What I like most about Backrub is his/her use of language and imagery: "From
twenty feet away she looked like a living statue, weathered brown but taut
and strong. Her short black hair barely moved with her movements." That's
beautiful. The yet unknown woman was coming to life for me, but remaining
mysterious. The imagery remained vivid as the story got hotter. To find out
more, you'll have to read the story. I still don't plan to look for vampire
movies, but I do plan to read more Backrub stories. And for some reason I
just remembered it's about time for me to give blood again.
Ratings for "Meeting Amanda"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Intimate with the Vampire 2.0" by Rocket88 (rick84@ mindspring.com). A
story like this has two strikes against it when I start reading it. Strike
one: I don't like senseless pain as a part of sexual relations. Pain and
violence are reasonable under the right circumstances; and I'll even grant
that there are occasions when it can be pleasurable to be either the giver or
receiver of pain. However, I think people who enjoy being tortured by
another person often have serious emotional problems. And so I expect the
author of a story that involves pain or violence to show me that there is a
point to this activity. Strike two: I don't believe in vampires. I find
"Dracula" so boring that I have never watched the entire movie. I think the
notion of vampires is generally silly.
Under these circumstances you may be surprised to know that I really liked
this story. Strike two evaporated first: lots of things that are generally
silly can become interesting if I suspend my disbelief and if the author does
a good job of presenting the story. That's what science fiction is all
about. For that matter, that's what most of this newsgroup is about. My
other objection evaporated just as easily: sure, there was pain and violence
in this story; but it occurred in a surrealistic context that seemed to have
a point to it. If I granted that there may be preternatural beings that have
the power to seduce people and steal their souls, then this kind of activity
made perfect sense.
If the author's goal was to give me nightmares or to make me live in fear or
anticipation that things like this might happen to me, then he has failed (I
hope!). However, if he wanted to entertain me with a damned good story, then
he has succeeded. Now, here's my favorite part: this story was originally
submitted about two months ago. Here's what I said about it in CR 45:
"As I have said before, I am not an aficionado of vampires, werewolves,
witches, or other preternatural forces. Nevertheless, I think this story has
considerable potential - especially for people who understand the ground
rules of vampires better than I do. The problem with this story is that it
lacks even rudimentary proofreading. The author is obviously intelligent,
and so he/she attempts to use fairly sophisticated ideas and sentence
structures to convey his/her plot. But the mistakes are so glaring as to
convince me that the author simply doesn't want to spend the time to make the
story reader-friendly. I mean, does the author really think that it makes
sense to "lye" in a motionless embrace? Lye is a chemical that cleans my
plumbing. And then near the middle of the story I read these lines: "The
fire grew more intense. MailFirst....Save As... She said. MailTheres
pleasure.Save As... And with out another word she opened her mouth and gently
covered mine." This garbled writing may be the result of a faulty mailer
rather than poor writing skills; but it certainly is annoying. In addition,
throughout the story the verbs are frequently screwed up. As I said earlier,
the author is obviously intelligent; and so he/she sometimes starts using a
past perfect tense or the subjunctive mood correctly, but then all of a
sudden we're in the present tense and indicative mood. There are several
instances of misplaced modifiers, like this one (which also contains a comma
splice): "It was if she never used these feet to walk, scented and soft, I
put her toes into my mouth using my tongue to wet them." Literally, this
sentence means that the guy sucking the toes smelled nice and was soft; and I
doubt that's what the author intended. A few lines later we hear about "the
beating of her hart." A hart is a male deer. What does the author really
mean here: "...my mind soured as I clung tightly as the sweat that gummed my
body to hers was causing my arms to slide." I think the guy's mind "soared",
but the sentence clearly says that it turned sour! Here's one more that I
kinda liked: "My flesh was ripped and I needed to explode, I wanted orgasm, I
started to beg to her. Mailplease dont stopSave As..." Finally, I think a
succubus is a ghostly visitor that goes under the person being visited; this
critter sounds more like an incubus. {Note: I was wrong about this; the
author was right. I checked.}
"I don't derive sexual satisfaction from making fun of authors' mistakes, and
I don't mean to give the impression that I want to humiliate this author.
For me to say that a vampire story has potential means that it _really_ has
potential. I myself recently spelled "waist" incorrectly in Celestial
Reviews (although I was actually copying the words of a different writer).
Mistakes happen. But when mistakes accumulate, readers get annoyed and
wonder why the author hasn't gone to the trouble of preparing the text
properly. Creative ideas are the most important part of a story, and I think
this story may have creative ideas. But there's no reason why creative ideas
cannot be presented more coherently than this.
"It's not just English teachers who get upset at this. English teachers may
be the only ones who know why they're upset; but readers in general will find
this presentation to be annoying. I urge this author and others like him/her
to take advantage of my offer to find free volunteer proofreaders. This
could possibly have been an excellent story if the author would have given it
the care it deserves. (Rating: 4)"
As you will notice from the title, this author accepted my invitation to
receive proofreading assistance; and that's why this is labeled version 2.0.
There are two major differences between the present and the previous version
of this story. First, the grammar and style no longer stand in the way; the
reader can now react to the ideas of the author and can feel the emotions
that the author wanted the reader to feel. Second, I don't know this for
certain, but I imagine the proofreader challenged the author by asking him to
clarify some of the ideas that originally seemed unclear.
It is important to point out that these improvements are not just something
that please English teachers. Ordinary readers - no, I'll go further - even
borderline imbeciles who themselves communicate only by grunting and yanking
on their penises would have been mainly confused by the original version but
will enjoy this story in its present format. If this sounds like an
advertisement for my proofreading service, so be it!
Ratings for "Intimate with the Vampire"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Warlock" by Rocket88 (Rick84@mindspring.com). An immediate problem
that I had with this story was that the text was full of enigmatic characters
that were symbolized by squares on my screen. These were very distracting.
I used the global replacement function on my word processor, and I quickly
and automatically changed them all to open quotes, end quotes, and
apostrophes. I encourage you to do something similar to minimize
distractions when you read this story.
This story involves witchcraft and the "black arts." I view witchcraft as it
is treated in this story to be a form of fairy tale. Because I have not been
excited about fairy tales since my early childhood, I have lost touch with
many of the assumptions that underlie witchcraft stories. My most current
knowledge of witchcraft is derived from Elizabeth Montgomery, to whom I am
deeply indebted for indirect sexual pleasure, because that enchanted creature
has often improved my husband's mood while he has watched reruns of
"Bewitched." I have some sincere friends who say they are witches and
practice a pagan religion, and they object to stories that focus on magical
black arts. I guess that's more than you need to hear; my point is that I am
reviewing this story as an outsider - a non-enthusiast who is generally
unimpressed with spells and arcane ceremonies. I am reviewing this story
primarily because the author emphatically asked me to do so.
Because of the reservations stated in the previous paragraph, I approached
this story with considerable trepidation. I was pretty sure I either would
not understand it or I would hate it. The story focuses on Gina, an
attractive woman, and Louis, a visiting professor at the University of
Chicago with a specialization in antiquities. Louis is really a warlock (a
male witch). Gina is especially fascinated by his whips. I found the
description of how Gina got interested in spankings during her childhood to
be interesting and realistic. Louis needs to administer a ritualistic
beating to a consenting female human in order to achieve some sort of rapture
and return to a different world. He attaches the willing Gina to an unusual
torture device and administers the beatings, which she enjoys immensely.
Rapture comes, and poof! he is gone and she is transported back to her home
in Rockford, Illinois.
Actually, I was fascinated by the story. I achieved a zero level of
pre-orgasmic moisture, and I don't recommend that anyone actually participate
in such activities; but I was fascinated. I think bdsm enthusiasts will
enjoy this story, and it enabled me to achieve a better understanding of
sadism and masochism. As with many other stories, however, I am still struck
by the constant repetition of silly, distracting grammar errors that could
easily have been removed prior to posting. Not a bad story. (Rating: 7)
* "Diana" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu). The young man,
just a few years out of college and a bit disillusioned with the way his life
has gone, has gone off for a couple of days of hiking in the Berkshire
forest. Thinking he is alone, he is surprised to hear the sound of a woman's
voice; and when he follows that sound he comes to a clearing in which there
are seven blonde women and one red-head - all beautiful and all naked. What
has he stumbled onto? He realizes that he won't be welcome, and he starts to
retreat; but suddenly he is summoned to join them. Does this sound
interesting? Then read this well-written story. If you're familiar with
Robert Frost's poetry, you'll probably get a little more out of it than you
would otherwise. And it won't hurt to recall that Diana was the Roman
goddess of the hunt and of the moon and the protectress or women.
I love this author! I'm tempted to make my students read this story for
English class, but then I'd have to explain where I got it. Actually, it
will be easier simply to forbid them to read it; they'll enjoy it more that
way.
Ratings for "Diana"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Wet Dreams" by Backrub (BCKRUB@aol.com). The protagonist in this story
has the power to sense out women's dreams and their thoughts that occur when
their senses are not fully awake. He is able to have wakeful sex with them
and yet leave them with the feeling that it was all a dream. (The author
doesn't explain how the protagonist prevents conception; but that may be
expecting too much from an a.s.s. story.) The story describes in vivid
detail one specific encounter. Would this kind of power be a blessing or a
curse? You read the story and decide. The author does a great job of
combining a sense of the mysterious and the realistic throughout the story.
It's almost like a dream itself. Oh, no! Maybe I'm dreaming right now.
Maybe HE's controlling this dream! You don't think that warm feeling I'm
getting in my pussy.... (Rating: 10)
* "Tales of the Seeding" by Wollstonecraft. This is a set of narratives from
the different perspectives of people who are extremely unsophisticated in
their sexual knowledge. We could be dealing with cave dwellers, with people
on a remote island not yet conquered by "civilized people," or with aliens
whose sexual accouterments resemble those of humans. What is fascinating is
that the descriptions all refer to sex (sometimes in very graphic terms)
without ever using either the formal (intercourse, vagina, etc.) or informal
(fuck, cunt, etc.) terminology that we normally encounter in such stories.
The author does an amazing job - I caught only one mistake, where the author
used the word "come" to describe an orgasm. In addition to playing with
words, the author does an excellent job of building anticipation and creating
a mood of mystery. I loved it. This is a really creative, ingenious story.
(Rating: 10)
* "Porno TV: The Munsters" by Shelby Bush (stbush@iglou.com). The author
simulates an episode from the old Munsters TV series. There are three
separate plots, which blend together, just like on TV: (1) Herman and Lilly
get it on with the electrodes connected to the generator in the headboard,
(2) Grandpa turns into a bat and gets some pussy, and (3) Marilyn loses and
regains (!) her virginity. I have reviewed about a thousand stories, and
this is the first one in which a woman REGAINS her virginity.
Ratings for "The Munsters"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
* "Bed and Breakfast" by RC (74734.271@compuserve.com). A man arrives at a
New England bed and breakfast inn; the owner assigns him to a back room; and
the owner's daughter becomes visibly upset over this assignment. What's her
problem? I always tell my students that when the author catches their
attention like this, they should try to guess what might happen next. Then
as new information emerges they should adjust and modify their initial guess
to suit the new context. I have done this in the past with Deirdre's
stories, and so I'll try again here. So what's the problem?
One possibility is that the room is simply adjacent to the daughter's own
room. She might be a shy lass, and having a well-hung stud next door might
make her nervous. That hypothesis sounds dull.
Or the room might previously have been occupied by someone near and dear to
the girl - perhaps her first true love who subsequently died under
unfortunate circumstances. This hypothesis sounds good.
Or the room might be haunted. The second hypothesis sounds best so far.
I'm glad I mentioned that last possibility, because Abigail (the daughter)
grabs the visitor and warns him that when the place was first built, the
owner's daughter resided in that room. She had been arrested and executed.
Her ghost still haunts that room. Our foolhardy boarder laughs gently and
resolves to stay. It's time to revise my hypotheses.
It's almost certain that a ghost will appear. One possibility is that the
ghost will have her merry way with our wayfarer and send him happily on his
way. {Since the narrator lived to tell the story, he probably won't die
during sexual ecstasy.}
Another possibility is that Abigail will join in the festivities.
A third possibility is that Abigail IS the ghost. I like this theory; but
I'd have to see her naked to verify it. More likely, Abigail might be
intimately involved in some way with the ghost.
Soon we find out the ghost's crime: having sex with another woman. Colonial
New Englander's frowned on that practice, which was akin to witchcraft.
Interestingly, at his point I had to pause: was the boarder a man or a woman?
I glanced back over the earlier text. Although I had assumed this was a
man, the text didn't tell. A few lines later I read that bras and panties
from the suitcase were strewn about the room. So we have either an unusual
man or a woman here. I'll go with the woman theory. This forces a major
shift in my thinking: we now have a (presumably) middle-aged woman, an
attractive young woman, and the ghost of a young woman who had been executed
by Puritans for lesbianism.
I'm going to stop telling the story now. As you know, ghosts operate under
different rules in different stories; and part of the fun of a ghost story is
finding out what those rules are in the current tale. All I can tell you now
is that this ghost is capable of engaging in sexual activities that are
extremely satisfying to human females.
Ratings for "Bed and Breakfast"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Night of the Wolves" by Lysander (lysander@vnet.net). "You'll be fine,
Judith. As long as you let your instincts guide you." The band of women
have been engaged in an orgy of dancing and sex with one another; but all
this is simply a preparation for the arrival of the wolves. The monthly
ritual consists of the women fucking with the wolves from the time of the
animals' arrival until the moon goes down.
I have never been an enthusiast of bestiality stories, but this one was
interesting - to say the least. Before I read this story I knew, of course,
that Romulus and Remus (and probably Wolfman Jack) had been raised by wolves,
and I had read "Call of the Wild," but my knowledge of wolves as potential
sexual partners was limited. Now I am much better informed.
The story is well written. The author says this is his most popular story.
However, I don't think it is his best; I think "Summer Dreams," "Grey," and
the unfinished "Droit du Signeur" are all better. Nevertheless, this is an
excellent story. While reading it, I found myself mumbling internally,
"This is silly! Why would a wolf act like that?" This is exactly what the
author wanted me to think. By the end of the story everything had fallen
into place.
Ratings for "Night of the Wolves"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Princess" by Parker. This is listed as Parker25. It has been posted
recently, and so it should be available on Deja News. I hope someone will
repost it quickly on a.s.s.
Stephen is a computer geek who has been invited by Janice Sweet to be her
date at Cindy Parker's Halloween party. Janice is the most beautiful girl in
the school, and she has just broken up with the most handsome jock. Stephen
is tempted to back out when he finds out that Janice wants him to dress like
a girl while she dresses like a guy; but Janice is very persuasive. She
promises him lots of sex later on; and she's not lying about that!
The costume goes on very nicely; Stephen has become Stephanie. Janice
hurries off to help Cindy prepare for the party, and Stephen arrives alone at
Cindy's house in time for the party. Only it's not a costume party! He's
the only one dressed in a costume; but nobody notices, because he looks like
a real girl in normal clothing. There's no way out; so he continues to play
the female role.
It turns out that Janice is simply using Stephen to get even with Biff the
football jock for dumping her. Use your imagination. How would a pretty
little bitch use a dork dressed up like a cute little girl to get even with
her brutish ex? That's right! And pretty soon he finds himself doing the
entire football team. At least he gets to be a cheerleader.
Ratings for "Princess"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "The Addams Family: Eddie Comes to Visit" by Shelby Bush
(stbush@iglou.com). This story is actually a combination of "The Munsters"
and "The Addams Family." Eddie Munster comes to visit the Addams children.
After some enjoyable torture, Wednesday Addams gives head to her brother
Pugsley. Just as Eddie is about to get the thrill of his life from
Wednesday, the full moon takes effect; and Eddie runs off to the bathroom,
where he turns into a werewolf - actually, a werewolf cub. Although she's a
bit distressed at Eddie's disappearance, Wednesday takes the cub to her room.
Since this is a sitcom episode, Morticia and Gomez are engaging in raucous
sex in the background; and Uncle Fester is jerking off somewhere in the
shadows. Gomez has a French fetish. Morticia speaks imperfect French.
"Manger moi. Respondez s'il vous plait" is close enough for Gomez; after all,
this is a sex fetish, not a French language lesson.
Meanwhile, Wednesday has taken Eddie the Werewolf to bed, thinking he's a
stray puppy. When she starts to masturbate, Eddie behaves in a beastly
manner.
Meanwhile, Cousin Itt joins Morticia and Gomez for a "menage e'tois." I
don't know if incest is a meaningful concept in a family like this. What
could be the logic behind an incest taboo in a family that could only be
improved by genetic mutations? Kay Sarah Sarah, as the French say!
If you know absolutely nothing about the monster shows of the 1960's, you
might get lost in this story. But I enjoyed it immensely. And there's more
to come!
Ratings for " Addams Family"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
* "Halloween Story" by RC (74734.271@CompuServe.Com). Diane goes to a
Halloween party dressed as a sexy maid. She is the center of attention until
she meets the woman dressed like Elvira the vampire. She can't help herself.
She leaves with the vampire, and then strange things happen to her.
Ratings for " Halloween Story"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Boo!" by PleaseCain (pleasecain@aol.com). Warning: This story contain
gratuitous sex and violence. But hey, what would Halloween be without
gratuitous sex and violence?
It's an interesting setup; I'm surprised I haven't seen it on this newsgroup
before. The young man is playing the part of a vampire and the young woman a
witch at one of those haunted houses that spring up around Halloween to
traumatize and thrill the little children of America. Business is slow, and
the boss closes early and tells the vampire and witch to lock things up when
they leave. One thing leads to another, and pretty soon the sex gets steamy,
and then she decides he wants him to act like a real vampire. And that's
only for starters! Next comes the gratuitous sex and violence.
Ratings for "Boo!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Brown Mountain Incident" by Charles Baudot (wboyden@freenet.vcu.edu).
This story combines a placid man-boy sexual encounter with a ghost story -
actually with an old urban legend theme. The man is traveling through the
mountains and comes upon a 10-year-old hitchhiker who is cold, wet,
miserable, and lost. He takes the boy in. The sexual contact is so
innocuous that only a person who has an allergic reaction to any mention of
sex with an underage child would react with hostility. Nevertheless, the guy
probably is technically guilty of sexual abuse of a minor - except that it's
hard to prove a case against a guy who has sex with a ghost.
I plan to look for more stories by this author.
Ratings for " Brown Mountain Incident
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Temptation" by PleaseCain (pleasecain@aol.com). Hmmm... What kind of
story is this? A lovely woman is sleeping beneath a tree. She is a part of
the beauty of nature, and a disembodied voice caresses her and meditates on
her loveliness. Nothing really happens. It's all anticipation. This is a
completely different kind of story - perhaps more a poem than a story; but
it's very nice.
Ratings for "Temptation"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "True Love" by Dafney Dewitt (ii361@cleveland.Freenet.Edu). This is not
really a sex story. It's really a story about true love gone wrong on
Halloween; but since it's written by a regular author of sex stories, I
thought I should include it in the Halloween issue of Celestial Reviews.
The boy is being interrogated by the police about the murder of his
girlfriend. She died from a blow to the head from a shovel in a cemetery,
and her body was buried there. The boy claims to be innocent. Read the
story for details.
Ratings for "True Love"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Haunting Memories" by Gaetana (gaetana@aol.com). Two adolescent boys and
a girl sneak into a house that they consider to be haunted. They find no
ghosts, but they do discover that some transients have been living there.
They steal a few items and run home, where they are severely punished by
their parents. Nobody has sex with anybody else; but some pornographic
magazines are among the stolen items they steal, and the girl gets a severe
spanking from her father.
Since this story was cross-posted to alt.sex.spanking, I suppose the spanking
is supposed to be the erotic part of the story; but no own reaction was that
there was no sex at all in this story. I won't deny that some spankings can
be sensuous; but it doesn't make sense to me to believe that it's a sexual
experience every time a child gets a beating from his or her parents. This
child broke a rule; she experienced pain; and she pretty much decided not to
repeat the offense. If this were all there is to sex, then it would be a lot
easier to convince kids not to do it until they grew up!
Ratings for " Haunting Memories"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
* "Goodnight Kiss" by Ben Zonah (benz@fan.net.au). Through some sort of
confusion, this story has not yet appeared on alt.sex.stories. I hope the
author tries again.
A young woman who has been lost in the forest is saved by a mysterious young
man. As a reward for his kindness, she makes love to him in his rustic
cabin. Since this is a special Halloween issue of Celestial Reviews, you
would be correct to assume that there is an element of mystery to this story.
However, since this story depends partly on surprise, I cannot tell you what
that element is. You'll have to read it for yourself.
Ratings for "Goodnight Kiss"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Ghost: The Long Goodbye" by Unknown Author. The guy has died in an auto
accident; but as his spirit leaves the body, it decides to stop off and say
good-bye to Rachel, his one true love. Unfortunately, when the ghost scoots
into Rachel's window, she is making love to someone else. So he goes into
the other guy's body and has sex with Rachel, but he finds this experience to
be unsatisfactory; and so he goes back to the hospital and enters the body of
a woman who looks like Rachel and makes love to an insipid intern. Then he
goes into somebody else's body and calls Rachel on the telephone and tells
her to come on down to the hospital, because he's dying. She comes, but he
isn't dying after all, and she remembers him making love to her in the other
guy's body, but then he dies. I think.
My impression is that there's a creative idea in here someplace, but it's
hardly worth the trouble to look for it. Authors should proofread and polish
their stories a little bit before they post them.
Ratings for "Ghost: The Long Goodbye"
Athena (technical quality): 4
Venus (plot & character): 3
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
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