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Celestial Reviews 224 - October 11, 1997
Note: There has been some discussion in a.s.s.d. about my alleged
unfriendliness toward Mike Hunt. Specifically, I have been accused of saying
that "Young, Dumb, and Full of Cum" was a bad story and that Mike is one
dimensional.
Alas, I have been exposed. By Kim, no less. She hit it right on the head -
which is not an altogether unpleasant experience.
I was trying to write my review of "Young, Dumb.... " in the style of Mike
Hunt. That's not ALL I was trying to do, of course; I was also attempting to
write a sensible review.
To pursue an analogy - I happen to know that Mike Hunt actually LIKES Piper.
He just has a sneaking suspicion that Piper is really his wife June, writing
reviews under a phony name; and by calling Piper a "weasel" he's trying to
force this into the open, since Weasel happens to be June's nickname for
Mike's thingy. Hence Mike's obviously irrational tirade about Piper on
a.s.s.d.
So when I lambaste Mike Hunt, you have to look at what I am really trying to
say - albeit ineffectively, it seems.
Second note: Now that I started it, this may never end. Here are some
follow-ups that readers have send me in the wake of my discussion of
cum/come:
Can a pretty woman who causes a male to ejaculate be called cummely?
Would you call an interracial orgasm intercum?
Did a man who hoped to climax with a particularly desirable female, but went
about it the wrong way and was shot down by her, get his cumuppance?
Should a woman who hopes to orgasm with a particularly desirable man give him
the cum hither look?
If you use aol.cum long enough, does it become aol.org?
If you put the batteries in backwards, would the Energizer Bunny keep coming
and coming and coming?
Cum on! Give me your best cumshots! I'll post them here.
Third note: How does an author's name get deleted from a story? Sometimes
somebody else yanks it off. But sometimes it's the fault of the author.
Here's one way it can happen to you. If you post a story as an attached
file, when I download it I save the file in one place and your message in
another (if at all). When I load the story to read it, I have no author's
name - and sometimes not even a title! Solution? Be sure to put your name
and the title of the story in the first lines of the STORY ITSELF.
Fourth note: An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it
was finally time to marry. Before the wedding they embarked on a long
conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed
finances, living arrangements, and so forth.
Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their
connubial relationship: "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather
hopefully.
"Oh, I like to have it infrequently," she responded.
The old guy thought for a moment, then asked, "Was that one word or two?"
Fifth note: I usually put my fan mail in a manila folder where my husband
can find it and read it to me if he can't think of anything more creative to
do during foreplay. However, this one seemed to be worth sharing with you:
<<Love the reviews. However, as one who was (albeit for a scant month in
early 1973) 'Letters Editor' of Fiesta I must put Wherryman right. The weird
thing was that while everything else in the magazine was completely fake - I
know, I wrote enough photocaptions (including many for a girl called Pat,
then the owner's girlfriend, who re-emerged as Patricia Kluge, wife of John,
and I gather is now mind-bogglingly rich) , 'features' and God knows what
else - the letters *were* real. They came in day after day, week after week
and the last thing we needed to do was fake them. I used to carry one around
to parties and challenge people to finish reading it: fifteen sheets of
foolscap, single-space typed, both sides of the paper. It began 'I want to
tell you a story about my landlady, her fourteen-year-old daughter and their
Alsatian dog' (German shepherd in US). No-one ever managed, including me. And
in those relatively pre-tech days Fiesta also had a tape system - guys could
call in and some poor secretary would have to sit there every morning,
transcribing this stuff, which usually concluded with the caller running out
of cash - they always seemed to be in phonebooths - slightly prior to orgasm.
Or so the fading screams of frustration seemed to indicate. The best person
in the office was a sweet old lady who regularly cursed out Bob Guccione and
his new advances in what you could get away with: prior to this she had had a
happy life airbrushing nipples and pubic hair. Now the sexual revo. had left
her jobless Fortunately the boss, one Russell Gay, kept her on as the
tealady.
I digress. The letters were real.>>
I guess I should assure you that the preceding letter itself was no a fake.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"JAVA" by Mandible (cybersex) 10, 10, 10
"Fluids" and "Cold" by Lynx (two romantic snippets)
10, 9, 9
"Back Door" by Vicki Tern (anal & TG sex) 10, 10, 10
"Come, Harvest" by RLSparTan (oral sex & blackmail) 10, 7, 7
"The Virgin Mary Maguire" by Deidre Ng (slutty teenager)
10, 10, 10
"The Sad, Bad Man" by BronwenSM (romance) 10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Weekend" by losgud (fuckfest) 10, 10, 10
"Mint Green Dodge Dart" by Mouth Breather (bdsm)
9.5, 7, -
"Shy Young Wife" by Mick (extramarital despoliation)
8, 7, 9.5
"The Rest of My Life" by Jim Fix (romance)
"The Bad Seed" by Unknown Author (rape) 2, 0, 0
"Jennifer's Initiation" by NiteWriter (gangbang) 5, 6, 4
"Blue Sky" by DG (hot romance) 10, 9.5, 9
"Xena & Herc: Hera's Curse" by Jaded Nights (superhero rape)
6, 4, 2
Reposted Reviews:
* "A Conversation with Eve" by Joe Parsons (phone sex)
10, 7, 7
* "Incubus" by DG (sci fi sex) 8, 8, 8
* "Therapy" by DG (rape) 10, 10, 5
* "A Scandal in Beverly Hills" by DG (sexy detective story)
10, 10, 9
* "The Classified Ad" by Ann Douglas (hot ff sex) 9, 10, 10
* "The Babysitter" by Ann Douglas (adolescent boy &
older woman) 9.5, 10, 10
* "Sandy" by Ann Douglas (romance & bdsm) 9.5, 10, 10
* "Home Again" by Ann Douglas (romance) 10, 10, 10
"JAVA" by Mandible (" mandible"@deaths.door). Would YOU read a story that
began like this?
"Her face glowed with humor and love as a smile played across the corners of
her lips. Her left eyebrow popped up and down like a sleepy cat's tail and
she tossed light brown hair out of her face with quick little shakes. Her
eyes were big and brown and shone with excited good humor as she laughed and
gave a little shrug which shook her impudent breasts. She was so average
you'd never notice her, until you saw the smile. It was million-dollar stuff,
a light that glowed from inside the girl herself, turning her generic face
into a Real Person. That intent gaze, that would catch any man and freeze him
for a moment if it was turned on him ...."
I would LOVE to be able to use that paragraph with my students as an example
of how to catch a reader's attention; but somebody would ask where I got it -
or, more likely, one of my students would KNOW where I got it, because he had
just read this story the night before while he was looking for CUM-SEEKING
VIRGINS WITH BIG TITS.
Anyway, she's not looking at anybody - just at a computer screen. She's in a
chat room, and the narrator, who is seated at a nearby computer, gets the
sudden inspiration to find out which room and to seduce her. He carries out
his plan, and she's just as hot as he thought she was! READ THIS STORY!!!
As you know, I have posted my reasons why I do not engage in Cybersex. A
recantation may be in order.
Ratings for "JAVA"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Fluids" and "Cold" by Lynx (mephisto@smtp.ihug.co.nz). This author has
posted two brief passages, and he would like our feedback about them. It was
clear to me that "Cold" was the better piece, largely because the author
wrote from a framework that let me into the story. Some authors can get by
with the second-person (you) narrative; but in most cases it rules out people
who do not easily identify with the participant in the story. The
second-person perspective makes me feel like the story is written for
somebody else.
I'm sure there are other differences as well.
I hasten to add that BOTH stories are well written. The stories remind me of
Dulcinea: the main thing "wrong" with the stories is that they are not really
stories - just snippets of life that could become part of a more complete
story. The author has an excellent sense of detail, of timing, and of word
selection - even if "plaintatively" really has one less syllable. The author
has offered enough of a sample of his writing that I hope many of you will
enjoy it and will send him the detailed constructive feedback he would like.
Ratings for "Fluids" and "Cold"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Back Door" by Vicki Tern (VickiTern@aol.com). When this author sent me this
pre-publication copy of her story, she sent a cover letter, in which she also
commented briefly on my discussion in CR 223 of the come/cum usage. She
said, in part: "{This} means that your discrimination is original, and close
enough to usage to be a genuine contribution to lexicography. Your
codification is better than original, brilliant in fact." I mention this
humbly in passing. I assure you that this sort of blatant ass-kissing can
never turn my head, and it is mere coincidence that I happened to choose her
story to review tonight rather than one of the other 157 stories in my queue.
Likewise, her comments did not influence my ratings of her story in the
least. I can't be bought - at least not that inexpensively!
How do Vicki Tern's characters get into these situations? Alvin has had a
little too much to drink. He went upstairs to lie down, passed out, and then
awakened to a pleasant sensation, which he eventually discovered was Dan, his
well endowed host, fucking him in the ass. Alvin's wife is upset, but Dan's
wife takes it all in stride and offers comfort. And by the next evening
Alvin is pretty well along the way to becoming Allie, one of the three women
who will share their asses with Dan and their affections with one another.
It sounds silly when I describe it, but the author makes it sound so
plausible!
A basic assumption on a.s.s is that almost all women can enjoy getting it on
with another woman. I am an almost obnoxiously happy heterosexual who has
never had sex with another woman and probably never will, but I believe the
assumption stated in the previous sentence is accurate. If all you're
interested in is pleasure, what difference could it possibly make what gender
is attached to the lips, fingers, tongue, or other accouterment that is
bringing you to orgasm? I think the same logic applies to men: almost all
men can enjoy getting it on with another man. If all you're interested in is
pleasure, what difference could it possibly make what gender is attached to
the lips, fingers, tongue, or other accouterment that is bringing you to
orgasm? Don't you heterosexual men like it when a woman is rimming your
asshole and plunges her finger into your anus right when you're about to
come? Don't you sometimes wish that she would plunge it all the way in, just
as you're coming, so that your spasms would not only shoot cum out of your
penis but would also eject that tubelike projectile from your anus? What if
the woman did this to you while you were blindfolded? And what if when the
blindfold was removed you discovered that she was actually a man? Would the
enjoyment you already experienced become any less?
This is not to say that everybody "is" or "should be" bisexual. It's just
that almost all of us could probably enjoy homosexual as well as heterosexual
activity if we had a mind to give it a fling. The fact that there are
probably plenty of good reasons NOT to do so in real life doesn't mean that
we shouldn't enjoy the fantasies.
Obviously, the difference lies in conditioning; and conditioning makes a real
difference. The fact that heterosexual men are so strongly conditioned to
object to homosexual contact apparently presents to men a more serious
impediment to their enjoyment of homosexual activity than there is for women.
And so men usually don't like stories with m/m contact.
I think this one may be an exception.
Ratings for "Back Door"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Come, Harvest" by RLSparTan (RLSparTan). The narrator is a woman with a cum
fetish. She likes male ejaculate so much that collects it not only in her
cunt but also in vials that she keeps on a shelf to stimulate old memories
and current love juices.
The story is really three separate segments. In the first Our Heroine gets
revenge on a snotty bitch in the office by draining the cum from the bitch's
boyfriend, so that the other damsel's cupboard is bare. The other set of two
sequences shows her gathering blackmail information from her bosses and
future business partners to prevent mistreatment by their wives. But notice
that the first word of the title is spelled "come," and it is followed by a
comma. There is a surprise harvest at the end of the story.
One problem with the story is that the surprise ending is not set up properly
- it just happens for no really good reason. In addition, although the
narrator is female, the story is written very much from a male perspective -
for example, when she describes her physical she sounds like a college kid
describing one of the chicks in his class.
Ratings for "Come, Harvest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"The Virgin Mary Maguire" by Deidre Ng (DeidreNg@aol.com). As you may
recall, I try to be an egalitarian person. That means I don't like to
perpetuate stereotypes, especially about people who are oppressed by society.
This is why I occasionally object to stories that picture black men with
"monster cocks" or white women who can think of nothing better than to get
one of those black monster cocks inside them. As I began this story, I faced
a problem of religious prejudice. I don't mind if people poke fun at the
Amish or the Jehovah's Witnesses, but I draw the line at Catholics and Jews -
Orthodox Jews, at least. In fact, I have in my files an email message from
Mother Angelica in which she praises me for upholding the reputation of nuns
in this newsgroup.
So what we have here is a basic moral dilemma. This is a cute little story
about a perverted little slut who is apparently possessed by a sexual demon
that makes her seduce just about everybody she cums in contact with. I
enjoyed the story, but goodness knows - the pope and his friends have enough
problems nowadays without having to worry about their Church being slammed on
a.s.s. by an Oriental American with a devilish sense of humor. What with the
pedophile priests - Aha! There's the answer. This is actually a DEFENSE of
the Catholic priesthood - the priest may have his nose buried in the Virgin
Mary Maguire's virginal but distinctly unchaste panties, but at least he's
engaging in a good, healthy, heterosexual perversion! Gag me with the Virgin
Mary Maguire's cum-stained panties that have just been sliding into her
asscrack if this story doesn't deserve an award from the Catholic Defense
League!
Ratings for "The Virgin Mary Maguire"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"The Sad, Bad Man" by BronwenSM (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com). Accustomed to
the friendly variety of sex in a typical small town in the British Isles, Our
Narrator has moved to London, where the risks are greater and hence the
pickins are slimmer. Masturbation is no long-term solution, she says; it's
like living on bar snacks. So she commutes back home for sex on weekends -
until she meets Liam, which, incidentally, was John Wayne's name in "The
Quiet Man," in which he returned from the United States to Ireland and beat
the snot out of whoever played Maureen O'Hara's brother before they boinked
happily ever after.
Ah, theirs was a lust "as beautiful as a horse galloping up a hill on a
bright morning, as the big breaker that throws you onto the beach. Beyond
horny. Almost as pure as love." And then they fucked like magpies in heat -
Bronwen says like a runaway train, but I know a better simile when I hear
one. Thereafter, weekend followed weekend. Nearly every weekend they ran
into each other. Never, not once, did they arrange to meet. But they met just
the same.
He drank too much, he owned nothing, he had a child he never saw. His life
was without form, their talk was shallow. But sex with him was like a country
western song in a pickup truck at a bus station - or like a fire burning, to
use the author's more prosaic words.
So how do we get from there to the last three lines: "Oh, love, you were a
sad, bad man but I for one will never forget you. And you taught me one vital
lesson. Always wear your heart on your sleeve. That way, at least it's
legible." I guess you'll just have to read the story to find out.
This is the best Bronwen story I have seen so far. And that's saying a lot.
Ratings for "The Sad, Bad Man"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Weekend" by losgud (lushgod@hotnomail.com). Guest review by Kim.
This story can, more or less, be described as a plain an' simple fuck-fest.
The two combatants are Robert and Tracy, his sister-in-law. Supporting
characters are Robert's wife Sue, and his mother-in-law, Maud, though neither
plays what might be considered a significant role.
Written in the first person, from Robert's point of view, it tells of a
normal monthly family visit to his mother-in-law's. On arrival, Robert finds
the luscious Tracy also visiting.
Almost immediately the two wannabe lovers are groping and kissing, hiding
behind plants and the like. Which is kind of strange, because Robert spends
the first few paragraphs telling us proudly of his love, desire for, and
loyalty to his wife Sue, and his complete faithfulness since their marriage
of fifteen years. Quite why he should suddenly flip-out over his
sister-in-law is never made exactly clear, other than she is one hot babe, of
course.
After some carefully staged ruses to get the two of them together, outside
the house, they go at it like sex-starved rabbits. In the car, in the mall
parking lot, in a pet superstore, and all points in between.
They stagger back home and somehow manage to keep their hands off each other
in the presence of the rest of the family. Later poor Brian is persuaded to
drive Tracy home to her own flat and armed with a legitimate excuse gets to
stay awhile.
The sex that follows is titanic in it's intensity and sustained creativity.
After reading it I too felt well and truly fucked. It was an exhausting
experience, I can tell you.
I've mixed feeling about the story. On the one hand it makes no attempt to
explain just why these two should go crazy for each other, and just why
Robert would jeopardize an idyllic marriage to an equally sexy lady. On the
other hand the writing is excellent, the sex is awesome, and I think screw
the implausibility - just lets have some more honest to goodness sex. It blew
me away. Fine job losgud, fine job.
Ratings for "Weekend"
Athena (technical quality): 10 (Excellent)
Venus (plot & character): 10 (Why did they do it?)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 10 (Who cares!)
"Mint Green Dodge Dart" by Mouth Breather. Guest review by Anne747.
The narrator of the story has a 16" cock. Okay, one thing - from what I
understand, men with massive cocks have problems getting hard. Just the idea
of a 16" cock turns me off. I think it would be the same with monster
breasts. Besides, sexually I'm more interested in how the person's tongue
and fingers work.
Okay, onto the story. After posing for a porn mag our hero gets an offer of
a job. He goes to the address and meets two attractive yet formidable, large
women (sorry, I missed the Jane Mansfield reference completely, I'm not a
movie buff) who basically offer him $10,000 to go into a room with them. He
can leave before that point, but not after. I dislike this kind of control
scene. Any kind of scene that doesn't allow an escape is dangerous and has
the potential for abuse.
This is actually the beginning of a two-part story and ends with the hint of
bondage scenes to come. I can't decide if I'm interested in reading the next
part or not. I suppose it depends on what turns the story takes. A note for
the author though - I own a 16-inch double-ended dildo (meant for two women
to share). It is physically impossible for this to penetrate me completely -
keep this in mind for your sex scene.
I have a tough time for the ratings on an incomplete story. The set-up
didn't get me all that interested in the next part. Inescapable bondage
isn't my thing. I honestly don't think that $10,000 would have me going into
a room with no explanation of what was going to happen to me. In fact the
large sum of money would likely make me nervous - if it was going to be so
pleasant, why so much money?
The plot/character mark is probably low. I just can't suspend my disbelief.
To give the author credit, he doesn't just say 'hi, I have a 16" cock'. He
works at making it realistic. I just don't think the scenario works. I
think most people would hesitate longer than a moment before agreeing to do
'anything' for ten grand. Especially with two obviously physically stronger
participants. Also, someone tell me - who is Jane Mansfield?
Ratings for "Mint Green Dodge Dart"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 7
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): undecided since story incomplete
"Shy Young Wife" by Mick (benedicta@anon.nymserver.com). Guest review by
Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com).
You know the story of the hook, right? (This is relevant, I promise.) This
guy and this girl go parking and while they're making out they hear that this
killer has escaped from a lunatic asylum. They call him the hook, see,
because instead of a hand he's got this razor-sharp hook... You can fill in
the rest (if you can't, mail me at jordan@u36.com). There's no
characterization in that story, it's pure narrative. The story of the hook
has only purpose: to scare the crap out of little kids around the campfire.
You'd think stories on ASS have a similar sense of purpose: to turn you on.
Some do; some don't. Some seduce you with plot and characterization and
symbolism and stylistic bumpf. Some steamroller forward and hope you like
what they've got. This is one of the latter kind.
It turned me on. That surprised me; I'm not a big fan of cheating wife
stories. But this story pressed my buttons, despite all the rough edges.
And there are rough edges. The Shy Wife gets off to a slow start -- I think
part 1 could be cut by a third without losing anything significant. The
author uses the Victorian convention of giving us initials and underscores
("D______") instead of names (except for the woman, who is just P), and I was
left asking, "Why?" He tells us a lot about P, but doesn't dramatize it; the
sentence structures are occasionally baroque, and I think the paragraphs are
generally too long; and at one point the narrator is "stairing" at the
chandelier. The pity is there's nothing that can't be fixed.
I still think it's a hot story, even if I don't think it's a great story.
There's a really strong narrative here, and I want to see more from him.
After all, his stuff works for me.
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"The Rest of My Life" by Jim Fix (jimfix@home.net). Guest review by
BronwenSM.
A man and his sister-in-law have just returned from his wife's funeral. We
are inside his head as he relives his marriage and his relationship with his
sister-in-law (both great).
".. huge sobs began to shake my whole body. Sissy takes me in her arms and
holds me like an infant against her breast. I am a little boy again safe in
the soft embrace of a strong woman. "Let it out, let it out.", I hear her say
softly over and over. I lose all sense of time and it seems like ages pass as
my grief pours out."
But there is a silver lining - a previously unacknowledged depth of feeling
between the two survivors. They are going to become lovers, they may marry -
who can tell at this stage. The story ends with his realization that his
dying wife was aware of this attraction and gave it her blessing.
I've known two families this happened in (though with a friend, not a
sibling), one my parents' age and one my own. In both cases the dying partner
had months in which to come to terms with their situation and began to hope
that, once-widowed, their spouse would remarry, and not mourn forever (though
the day of the funeral seems a little brisk, perhaps)...
It seems the more you truly love someone the greater your desire for them to
live well, even after you've been forced to leave the fairground. This is a
romantic, convincing story, not over-played. It left me moist - but round the
eyes rather than elsewhere.... I loved it, but didn't find it remotely sexy.
"The Bad Seed" by Unknown Author (Reposted by From: who@why.not). Guest
review by Friar Dave.
Let's cut to the chase.
"The Bad Seed" would have much to recommend it but for a couple of flaws. The
main flaw being that it is not about sex -- and the last time I looked, the
Newsgroup was labeled "alt.sex.stories" -- but about the violent, brutal and
intimate assault known as "rape."
For instance:
[BEGIN EXCERPT]
He pulled me down on top of him, and before I knew it, we were on the floor,
with him on top of me, groping at me, pulling my sundress up. "Billy - what
are you doing!", I shouted. "Stop it!" In response, he slapped me across
the face, hard. It stunned me long enough for him to rip off my panties.=
"I'm gonna fuck you Laura" he said, his voice thick and urgent. I stared up
in his face with shock - he looked like a stranger. His face was flushed,
his eyes glassy, and despite the chilly air in the room, his face was beaded
with sweat. "No - no! I'm your sister - you can't do this!", I cried. He
just laughed, and fell on top of me, kissing my face, licking and sucking at
my neck. My futile struggles just inflamed his lust more. "I've got to fuck
you Laura", he gasped, as he pulled down his shorts. His manhood sprang out
at me, huge, swollen, and hard as a rock. "I've wanted to fuck you for years
- and I know you want it too!" With that, he fell on top of me, and pried my
legs open. I screamed, and tried to push him away, but it was no use - he
was much too strong for me. Before I knew it he was between my legs, and
with one thrust, tore deep inside of me.
I screamed with pain, and he moaned with pleasure as he realized he had taken
my virginity.
[END EXCERPT]
A review is, by nature, subjective. And I will be unabashedly subjective in
mine.
This story sucked dead rats.
There was no sex in this -- only violence and cruelty. While the writing was
no worse than a lot of the (ever-decreasing) non-spam crap inflicted upon the
readers of alt.sex.stories, it did suffer from the twin curses of
predictability and cliches. All of us who grew up in Calvinist America knew
what was going to happen before it happened. The only surprise in this story
was that Laura, the victim, did not have dozens of "mind-shattering orgasms"
(or "shuttering" orgasms) once she realized that what she "really" wanted was
to be painfully devirginized and unwillingly impregnated with the spawn of
her brother. The only glimpses of anyone experiencing pleasure are in the
descriptions of the Happy Rapist's reactions to the victim's pain.
And, as with all too many people, the author didn't have a clue about where
commas (commae?) belong and resorted to regurgitating the Usual Suspects -- I
mean: "phrases," as in, "hard as a rock."
At least he knew the difference between "to" and "too."
There are people who get turned on by violent damage to others. The thought
or idea of such activities gives them hard-ons (or "wet-ons," as an
acquaintance put it). I don't. Ruining -- at least in the victim's eyes --
the life of someone may give the abuser a power surge, but it only makes me
very, very angry.
"The Bad Seed" -- not even an original title -- belonged in alt.pain, or
alt.humiliate.and.hurt; it did not belong in alt.sex.stories any more than
most spams. In that respect, the only justification for its presence in
a.s.s. was that it pretended to be a story. It was a story; I'll concede that
much. But the only "sex" in it was in the "sex"ual nature of the vicious
assault.
I would not have let this story be posted in The Abbey; the poster is free to
go elsewhere -- there are plenty of uncensored, unedited venues where it
would be "published," electronically, without question, so I am not censoring
the poster -- but as "The Bad Seed" only mentions sex in the contexts of
"violence" and "hurt," the poster is welcome to find those other venues.
TECHNICAL RATING: 2/10 (formatting and spelling acceptable)
STEAM: O/10
APPEAL TO THIS REVIEWER: 0
On the FD scale, this story is...well, think about the worms that inhabit the
oozing postules on the sphincter of a sick dog. Think about what makes those
worms upchuck. For me, this story is worse.
"Jennifer's Initiation" by NiteWriter (Reposted by Story Master
<velvet@znet.com>). Guest review by Jake Stonebender.
<sigh>
I always seem to get the rough stuff.
No "Elly"'s... no "Siblings"'... no, *I* get stories to review about 6'5"
college studs being tapped by total strangers to initiate coed frosh by
stuffing fists up their butt. (My last review inexplicably got lost, but,
had you read it, you'd have figured out by now that anal sex is not my first
love. :-)
In any event, "Jennifer's Initiation" is a hard-core stroke story. Don't look
for much characterization, or anything approaching a plot -- "please, won't
you come fuck our prissy freshman friend in front of all of us" is _not_ a
plot -- but, if you can tolerate the typos, and poor grammatical handling of
dialogue... and you don't object to a little discomfort (Jennifer's; whether
_you'll_ be uncomfortable is entirely up to you), then you may find that this
short story will get you off.
This is another of those authors who ought to be participating in Celeste's
proofreading program... but at least he speaks the language, unlike the
authors of _some_ of the stuff I've seen in a.s.s.
Gee... what an appropriate abbreviation.
Athena (technical quality): 5 (new lines in the dialogue, guy)
Venus (plot & characterization): 6 (well, at least we didn't get
the bra size)
Jake (appeal to reviewer): 4 (nope, no spontaneous hard on's)
"Blue Sky" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). Guest review by Plainman
(reviewer formerly known as Stubby).
This is a Gen-Xer Knight in Shining Armor Rescues Damsel in Distress Romance.
Both Xers are among that tragic detritus on the beach of the global economy,
recent liberal arts grads (in this case, of Florida State - tomahawk chant
background music). He (english major) has drifted into managing a small
marina on the Florida coast, when she (history major) comes sailing into his
life as the Bimbo to a Sugar Daddy on a fancy sailing yacht cruising down
from Newport. She lures him into a compromising position belowdecks where
they are interrupted by SugDad, in what is an obvious setup. Our hero
escapes, and gains a few hours alone with our heroine by threatening Daddy
with the cops, at which time he learns the dark secret of Daddy's hold over
her, which I shouldn't tell you here. They do some hot fucking, work out a
scheme to rescue Rapunzel from her dungeon, do some more hot fucking, put the
scheme into effect, and then something happens that you wouldn't predict.
This is a very good story of the mildly hard-boiled Romance type. It is
artfully written, the atmospherics are excellent, the Hero comes somewhat to
life as a three-dimensional character, and the ending is an interesting
concept though some may find it a bit contrived. The Heroine and Villain
remain two-dimensional, the story is a little predictable before the ending,
and the sex is also a little too predictable and impersonal to be maximally
hot for me. But it is way above the run of the mine, and The Reviewer
Formerly Known as Stubby says: check it out.
Ratings for "Blue Sky"
Form: 10
Literary Value: 9.5
Heat (purely subjective): 9
"Xena & Herc: Hera's Curse" by Jaded Nights (posted by tc1@bit-net.com).
Guest review by Piper.
(Well, three down, and after this one, three to go.)
And here I thought "Xena and Gabriella" was weak (my last review). This one
is worse. Basically, someone who doesn't speak English very well, and writes
less well, wrote a story about Hercules raping Xena. Since a normal Hercules
would do no such thing, the author makes it so Herc gets "cursed" by Hera
(his step-mother, queen of the gods) into being a raging sex predator. The
only object that can satisfy his lust is Xena.
The author did try, I'll give him (or her) that. There is a story in here
somewhere, and the basics of a decent plot. He explores some of the feelings
of both Xena and Hercules. He even gets some of the conversation so that it
sounds about right. However, this story ended up as not much more than a
litany of the forcible rape of one person by another. (Of course, the author
states as much in the opening comments.) The part that resembles "plot" has
more holes in it than a colander. This definitely isn't the worst story I've
ever read (I wrote that one myself), but it is shading towards that end of
the spectrum.
The following paragraph(s?) exemplify the entire story.
Suddenly the sky turned a omnious black, thunder and lightning
shook the ground, and two green eyes could be seen rising above it
all. "Hera."
Hercules said none to pleased with having to deal with the Queen of
the Gods.
"Hercules, you have defied me one too many time. You might be Zeus's
bastard, but nothing will protect you from my curse!" Hera yelled. "Just
what is this curse?" Hercules said sarcastically. "You'll find out." she
said laughing psychotically. Hercules then was hit with a huge ball of
radiating energy, it was full of feelings, but he could only feel two
things...rage and lust, it was all saved for Xena alone. He tried to
fight
it, but it wasn't working...the evil had taken control and the ball had
completly infused itself with him.
Don't get me wrong. It's not the subject matter that bothers me. There are
interesting rape stories out there. Some are well-written, imaginative,
engrossing, and/or sickening. This one doesn't rate in any of those
categories. Lifeless is the word that best describes my feeling about the
story after I finished reading it. To steal one of Xena's phrases, I read
these stories to "get my juices flowing", and to fire up my imagination.
This one didn't do either.
Gawd, the things we reviewers have to put up with ;-).
Advice to the author: If you're trying to write an interesting story, you
need to work on an angle. In a rape, it's the mental processes that are most
important. You need to bring out the feelings of the two people more than
you have. For someone (me) to get into your story, they have to know what
it's like in behind one pair of eyes or the other. A litany of what the two
characters did to each other, with Xena repeating the same thing in different
words several times, doesn't do much. Bring out what you've introduced in a
cursory manner. Make the protagonists real.
Pick out a story that gets you fired up, read it, then go back and analyze
why you liked/hated it, and what parts got your juices flowing. When you
understand what makes that story good, then you'll be better able to write a
story that evokes strong feelings in someone else.
Ratings for "Xena & Herc: Hera's Curse"
Technical merit 6
Plot & character 4
Appeal to reviewer 2
* "A Conversation with Eve" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com). The author
combines a brief essay on "The Straight Scoop about Phone Sex" with a transcri
ption of a short telephone conversation with a lady named Eve. Both were
fairly well done. I think the factual portion gives a legitimate treatment
of the topic - even though the author is pretty much advertising his own
service, which he describes as one of the "more legitimate" on-line phone-sex
services.
I am a devout believer and fervent participate in sex with Ma Bell as a
partner, but neither my husband nor I have ever called a phone-sex number.
We do it with each other when we're separated, and out conversations are a
lot hotter than the one described in this story. Even if I didn't have
access to my husband, I'm not sure I would ever call these services - $40.00
to reach orgasm sounds a bit high when I can easily get there for the price
of a download of a good a.s.s. story. And the TV shows and movies have
convinced me that there's a lot of deception going on: the sexy chick who
says she's fantasizing about giving you head may actually be an ugly bimbo
who's clipping her toenails while watching a fertilizer infomercial. But as
the author says, "I'd spent about $40.00 on the call, but I'd have to say
that for me, at least, it was a worthwhile experience. I'd had a pleasant
conversation with a bright woman whom I could imagine to be tall and
gorgeous. It was easy for me to imagine that she got off on our conversation
as much as I did; she actually had me believing that I was bringing her to an
orgasm with our shared fantasy."
Tastes vary. Whatever roasts your weenie!
Ratings for "A Conversation with Eve"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
* "Incubus" (X-Files) by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com) Guest review by
Tooshoes.
The X-Files TV show poses many questions we may never know the answer to. Are
close encounters real? Is the Government covering up the evidence? Does God
exist? How about ESP?
But the most important question to many X-Files fans is: Can Platonic
relationships really exist between a woman and a man?
The TV show posed the question by having two attractive lead characters spend
all of their time alone with each other, to the point where they have no
other life. They tease each other. They comfort each other. But they never
say what they feel. They never take off their FBI masks. And of course, they
never take off their FBI uniforms.
Chris Carter (the shows creator) may never answer these important questions,
but Internet writers are more gracious and informative. Fans have written
hundreds of erotic X-Files stories, all debunking the Platonic relationship
theory.
"Incubus" is one such story, and it's a pretty good one. The author is
faithful to the characters, and to the style of the TV show. Even the villain
follows the X-File's tradition -- he's more of a misfit than someone seeking
to do evil. (Only the government is truly evil.) He feeds on the sexual
energies of others, much like a vampire feeds on blood, and he uses mind
control to spark the sexual activities he craves. And of course, Fox and Dana
are not immune to his influence.
The problem with this scenario is that Fox and Dana are strongly attracted to
each other, so mind control isn't really necessary. I would have preferred to
see their relationship grow based on their own decisions. I think that's also
what most X-Files fans want to see.
But aside from that, I think most fans will enjoy "Incubus". It's a well
written, well conceived story, with many colorful supporting characters,
doing all sorts of things that Plato might not approve of.
Ratings for "Incubus"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Tooshoes (appeal to reviewer): 8
* Therapy" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com) He's got it all.
A muscular body, a blue-blooded resume, a fully-loaded Jeep and an eye--well,
*three* eyes to be precise--for the babes. He's a BMOC (Big Man On Campus)
who strutted straight out of the coolest fraternity at a prestigious east
coast school right into the hottest brokerage firm in the second city.
And _man_, do the _girls_ ever know it. As long as they're not too
possessive and willing to put out, he'll find exactly the right way to tack
another notch on the ol' shooter.
So sports fans, don't be surprised if you see this player pump that white
blur clear outta the ballpark! This dude's already got one heck of a
lifetime scoring record and they're not even close to thinking about retiring
his . . . um . . . jersey.
She's shy.
It's not that she doesn't know anything about sexuality and male-female
relations--in a very unfortunate way she knows too much. She's in recovery
right now, looking for the right sort of situation so she can learn to be
herself again while coming to terms with her wrenching memories of being
forced.
Perhaps what she needs is a sensitive nurturing type who's seen his own share
of trouble. Someone who can fill the role of lover, analyst, and healer all
at once to help mend the cracks in her sexual/emotional psyche.
Guess who she runs into instead.
Will our gunslinger run up his score or will he get drafted for her team?
Can the hair of another dog help a bitten patient? On the couch of a.s.s.,
the treatment may well depend on who's playing doctor and who's on first.
You'll have to read `Therapy' by DG to find out more, but I can guarantee you
that it doesn't really have anything to do with sports, nor does anyone end
up bending over a medical textbook. However some bending over is involved,
along with an object shaped like a baseball bat.
This author writes extremely well. The protagonists appear compelling enough
to touch and the reader is immersed in just the right number and variety of
details required to make the scenes and the characters' reactions appear both
realistic and believable. Other than the possible addition of some internal
divisions in this lengthy story, I'm basically at a loss when it comes to
suggesting improvements to a virtually flawless implementation of an elegant
plot.
But there were two erroneous plays in this otherwise seductively realist
approach to the game of erotica. Can a rape victim achieve arousal by
recollecting her experience--albeit in a very unusual circumstance? If you
don't think the answer to that one is a no-brainer, let me disabuse you: no
connection whatsoever exists in the minds of a victim between sex and rape,
any more than there is something exciting to a man about the idea of having
his erect penis sliced up like a salami.
Most importantly the plot presumes that there are unique situations in life
in which forced sex can be viewed in a positive light. Nothing could be
farther from the truth. Sexual abuse is the proverbial ill wind that blows
no one any good.
Until the final scene I enjoyed the author's satirical sense of humor and the
professional quality of the writing immensely.
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
* "A Scandal in Beverly Hills" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). Guest review
by BillyG.
This is a moderately long, well-written detective story that's rich in
well-contrived, seedy characters and enough unexpected twists and
multi-layered surprises to keep your attention. A down-at-the-heels, largely
unemployed detective, Franklin Stern, is hired by surgically-enhanced and
sexually-kinky woman, Ms Amanda Link, for what appears to be a straight
forward surveillance job to collect information about - get this - a plastic
surgeon who, she maintains, may be using shoddy breast augmentation implants.
The sleazy surgeon, Dr. Martin Westphal, presents his own set of character
defects, not the least of which is a considerable inaptitude as an operating
physician. He is, in short, a bumbler, but one with aspirations and a
certain talent for scheming.
The first layer of this spoof is entertained only briefly. Quickly we're led
into deeper levels of a convoluted but entertaining plot of blackmail and
infidelity. Dionysian's unfolding of the secondary and tertiary levels of
duplicity is what makes this story so entertaining.
A secondary character, the Mexican maid, Maria, is a delightful, thick- accent
ed scene stealer. As unprincipled as the best, or the worst of them, her
Mexican accent works well, except the few times she 'loses' it, more a
typo/overlook than a contrived machination. Maria is unabashedly sexy with a
taste for same-sex kinkiness as well as a new-found predilection for anal
fucking.
Stern eventually sees thought *almost* all the layers of subterfuge and in
the process, enjoys Amanda's quirky desire to be sexually humiliated as a fun
but not very erotic side dish.
The story moves well as a detective story, a detective story with lots of
kinky and sexy subplots. But, if your like a gradual seduction or a slow
buildup, this tale bypasses those nuances and instead mater-of-factly jumps
into totally consensual, get-it-on-right-now sexual activity, none of it
vanilla.
The "9" for "appeal" reflects the reviewer's preference for greater eroticism
in a sex story. Were I grading it as a detective story, it'd be a 10.
Ratings for "A Scandal in Beverly Hills"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "The Classified Ad" by Ann Douglas (an309642@anon.penet.fi). Because she
is frustrated by her husband's lack of interest in her life, a woman posts a
classified ad on a BBS. In it she expresses a need to meet with another
woman to explore her own sexuality. A female doctor responds, and the two of
them hit it off very well together. By the end of the story the woman's self
concept and lifestyle have taken a radical shift. While this is an excellent
short story in its own right, it could also be considered an essay entitled
"Lesbians Are Normal People."
My only problem with this otherwise excellent story is that I had impression
is that the author rushed it to press. Near the end there are several
passages where the punctuation disintegrates badly - for example, quotation
marks and apostrophes disappear almost completely; and the author selects
wrong words (e.g., sign for sigh). At first I thought the author was
omitting the punctuation to achieve a purpose; but then the story reverted to
good punctuation again. I'm convinced that the author simply wrote these
parts last and did not proofread them carefully. However, in spite of this
annoyance, I truly enjoyed this story.
Ratings for "The Classified Ad"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Babysitter" by Ann Douglas (annd55@nyc.pipeline.com). The activities
in this story may technically constitute statutory rape, but I have it on
good authority that almost all teenage American males fantasize making it
with an older, sexy woman. In this case Scott is a 17-year-old who baby-sits
for two pre-teenagers. One day after the kids go to bed he watches an
amateur adult video, in which he sees the lady of the house making love to
her husband. He barely gets the tape put away on time when they come home
unexpectedly; but as luck would have it, he gets a ride home from the woman's
sister, who happens to be her very hot twin and who has just returned to town
after being away for several years. They drive past the old Lover's Point;
they stop to look around; her juices start flowing; and Scott gets the thrill
of his young life. The story even has a mildly surprising ending.
Ratings for "The Babysitter"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Sandy" by Ann Douglas (annd55@nyc.pipeline.com). Last week I said that
readers "enjoy Ann's stories because her characters act the way we think we
would act (or would like to act) in similar situations." Actually, I have to
refine that statement to make it applicable to the present story. I have
never followed a hooker home or made love to one in a train station, nor
would I like to. On the other hand, I CAN understand how a woman could act
that way; and so I'll still give Ann credit for writing realistic stories
about normal people.
The plot begins with Sandy becoming attached to the hooker (Jasmine), as
described in the preceding paragraph. Things escalate when Sandy's clod of a
boyfriend rudely breaks up with her and she needs companionship. You can
probably guess where this is going - or at least you think you can. Read the
story and find out.
One of the reasons I like Ann's stories is because they are generally free of
racial and ethnic stereotyping. For example, in the present story Jasmine is
Hispanic, and there is no suggestion that she is in any way inferior to Sandy
- in spite of the fact that Jasmine is the prostitute and Sandy (who I
presume is white anglo-American) is the executive. So it was with some
surprise that I read that Jamal (Jasmine's black boyfriend - not the
stereotypical pimp) had "the largest cock Sandy had ever seen." I guess I
should keep in mind that statements like this are meant to be complimentary
to the owner of the cock; but the notion of Black men having "monster cocks"
is simply a myth. People who promote this stereotype may (inadvertently) be
advancing a notion that treats a large group of people as being in some way
more "animalistic" than "normal" people.
I have never directly examined the penis sizes of a large sample of Black
men; but my brother-in-law has. That's because he is a black man. After one
of my previous reviews in which I ranted on this topic, I managed to get him
into a conversation. He's super-religious and would never understand how I
could read these stories or write these reviews, and so I told him about the
stereotype that I had "heard on Geraldo." He got genuinely upset and started
quoting valid medical research to me that stated that there is no significant
difference in organ size between average members of the white and black
races. I am pretty sure he's right. When he calmed down, he said he has
verified the published facts by direct but discreet observation in locker
rooms and in showers at the gym. It's his opinion that "insecure" white
people try to set up the stereotype of the Black male as a stud in order to
scare white women or to dehumanize Blacks in general. I see his point.
In Ann's defense, if she wanted to have somebody have a monster cock, I guess
that could be a Black man as well as a White man. So I won't put her on my
Bad List. Nor will I tell my brother-in-law about her.
Having been a tad negative, let me become more positive. I think Ann does an
excellent job of presenting bdsm activities in this story in a way that makes
them seem enjoyable to outsiders. I don't have the same fantasy that Sandy
has - maybe my husband or I WILL get that fantasy someday - but the
domination activities seemed both hot and interesting to me. I came away
with the impression that this was a normal person enjoying something that was
a little different from what I myself enjoy. I do NOT get that impression
from all bdsm stories.
Finally, this story contains an example of a minor mistake about which I
think author's should be more careful. The entire story is told from Sandy's
point of view. Then suddenly we find these sentences: "Jasmine felt her
orgasm about to burst. She could tell that is wasn't going to be a record
breaker, but then again she hadn't expected it to be." There's no way Sandy
could have known what Jasmine's feelings were, and it would have been better
to stick with Sandy's point of view. The author gets back to the proper
perspective almost immediately: "Sandy soon could feel Jasmine's body shudder
as her legs pressed tighter against her face. While she wasn't a gusher as
Sandy sometimes was, there was enough of an eruption for Sandy to feel proud
of her achievement." It IS OK to take the viewpoint of the omniscient author
- to write as if the author knows the feelings and actions of absolutely
everybody in the story. However, in this case Ann clearly intended to write
from Sandy's point of view, and it would have been easily possible to do so;
all she had to do was describe what Sandy saw or felt Jasmine doing, instead
of shifting to the inside of Jasmine's head. The same problem occurs a few
other times in this story.
Ratings for "Sandy"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Home Again" by Ann Douglas (annd55@nyc.pipeline.com). A.C. has come home
to visit his childhood haunts, and he meets Mary Austin, the 45-year-old
mother with a still great body who is the mother of Josh, one of A.C. closest
childhood friends. We eventually discover that she was also the target of
some of A.C.'s adolescent masturbation fantasies.
This author takes her time developing a plot. The first 2 parts (of 7) are
not exactly devoid of sex; we do learn that A.C. used to date Jenny Wilson
with whom he traded cherries on prom night and whose sister was nicknamed
Kleenex Karen because of her proclivity to fill the partial vacuum in her bra
with that product, and also that Josh's sister Dawn Marie had fucked the
whole football team before moving out of the family domicile right after her
18th birthday. The author also lays a basis for future sexual possibilities
by letting us know that Mr. Austin is deceased and that during his
adolescence A.C. had once seen Mrs. Austin naked and by arranging for A.C. to
stay overnight while he waits for Josh to come home in the morning. But in
general A.C. and Mary just have dinner and engage in interesting
conversation.
So the author spends nearly 4 out of 7 parts with nothing more than innuendo
and build-up; but when the sex comes it's both tender and hot. I love this
kind of story. Read it yourself for the details.
I secretly wish that Ann Douglas would get somebody to proofread her stories.
She develops wonderful plots that give full personalities to people having
hot sex, and then she makes annoying mistakes that keep me from giving her
perfect ratings; and then I often have to decide whether to let a imperfect
story onto my Top 15 list for the month. I mean, surely Ann knows the
difference between a dinner and a diner and between celibate and celebrate.
The problem is that Ann knows what the words are supposed to be, and so she
probably skips right past them; and this is just the sort of mistake that a
spellcheck doesn't pick up. The solution is to have one intelligent person
go through the story before it gets posted. Let this be a lesson to you.
Finally, a word of advice. It's nice to shower together before anal
intercourse, but the shower removes the natural lubricants from both bodies;
and so the penis is likely to be even drier than usual. The problem of dry
skin is compounded by the fact that a person's anal canal does not produce
natural lubrications for sexual intercourse, as the vagina would. Using
Vaseline to solve this problem is not a great idea, because that product
tends to seal off the body's natural lubricants, when they do begin to flow.
My own experience is that saliva is a better idea than Vaseline at both the
front and back door. By far the best solution is a lubricant specifically
designed for this purpose, such as K-Y jelly. I guess this gives away part
of the plot, doesn't it?
Ratings for "Home Again"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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