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From: Cathy Payne <cpayne@sympatico.ca>
Subject: New Story - Spam Cops (Part 1)
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I would like to enter this story in the Spam Contest.  The story was
written out of frustration and I wasn't aware of the contest so if there
were stringent rules for length etc... this story may not qualify.  I
understand and will not be disappointed if I don't get to submit for the
contest, but I would like this posted as a story regardless.

Unfortunately, the following story is a work of fiction.  To the best of
my knowledge, Spam Cops Inc. has not set up shop, yet.  If you are
offended by non consensual sex acts do not read any further.  This story
is not meant to be read by any person under legal age, whatever that may
be in your locale.

It is probably the only time I will ever write this type of story, but
it really made me feel better.   After wasting hours in newsgroups
wading through tons of spam even someone as mild mannered as me can have
a perverted fantasy of revenge.  Especially when I received offers of
phone sex by email because I posted a story.

Gee Whiz... I thought that was what alt.sex.stories was for...

New Disclaimer:  Being Canadian I was unaware of the actual workings of
the IRS and in fantasy made them above the law like Spam Cops Inc.  I
apologize.  Thanks to CNN news covering the real IRS today on TV I just
thought I should say my story came first.  Any resemblance between
fiction and reality isn't my fault!

Spam Cops Incorporated  (Part One) copyright C. Payne 1997

Jake Renolds loved his position at Spam Cops Inc.  He'd wanted to be a
cop since he was a little kid.  Maybe the Dragnet, Untouchables, Highway
Patrol type TV shows made fighting crime seem glamorous.  You had to
track down those criminals for months, sometimes even years. But, this
was the 1990's.  Fighting Internet Spam was a career made in heaven, not
Hollywood.  Now, the criminals 'came' right in your face, so to speak. 
Tracking them wasn't done in a day, but it was relatively easy.  Not to
mention rewarding.

Branches of police everywhere were contracting out their Internet work
to Spam Cops.  Some didn't have the budgets for the manhours required to
investigate, locate, interrogate (Jake's favourite part of the job), and
finally arrest or relocate the criminals.  Some detachments just didn't
have the computer know how, so they left it to the pros.

Regular cops had laws to follow.  Spam Cops Inc. had their agents
registered as bounty hunters.  The two agencies worked to very different
standards.  When Spam Cops showed up north of the border in Canada, they
turned the culprit over with all the 'proof' of the crimes.  The 'proof'
was supplied by the spammers themselves.  God, he loved this job!

As Jake arrived at Spam Cops Inc. headquarters Monday morning, he could
feel his cock begin to throb just looking at the wide front doors.  It
was going to be a productive day.  He'd developed a 'feel' for his
work.  If he got a tingle behind his zipper as he entered the building
it would be a so so kind of day.  A raging hard on by the time he hit
the elevators meant a big bust was in the air.

As he exited the elevator on the eighth floor he waved to Wendy the
receptionist.  Smiles were plentiful at Spam Cops headquarters today. 
Clients, the term used by Spam Cops Inc. to describe their prey, were
just vibrating off various computer screens as Jake made his way past
the junior cops to his executive office. 

His office wasn't decorated like the cop shows on TV.  No wife and kid
pictures on his desk, no personal mementos on the walls.  No.  Walking
into Jake Renolds office was like stepping into one of his 'clients'
dungeons.  Pictures of nude girls in all kinds of poses or engaged in
sex acts you couldn't believe were even physically possible lined two
walls.  He had made up a banner for those walls - Satisfied Clients. 
Shelves were stacked with equipment confiscated from underage clients
who provided discipline.  Boxes were filled with clamps, chains and
dildos.  Every piece was tagged with the clients name and file number.  

He'd hand delivered one of Spam Cops evidence packages to an IRS agent
just last week.  The shocked look on the guy's face when the spiked
dildo spilled out on to his desk was priceless.  Of course, the female
clients picture (blow up size - better evidence if a trial actually
occurred) smiled up from the face of the file folder.
She hadn't been smiling after Jake had completed his interrogation.

Jake's special file boxes adorned his desk.  The 'In Violation' box held
a half dozen files.  The 'Out of Service' box was empty.  Wendy had
filed those Friday afternoon.

"Did you get a chance to review that file I left you on Friday, Mr
Renolds?"  Mark Culley stood at the doorway waiting for permission to
enter.  Jake really didn't like him.  The man had no backbone
whatsoever!

"Yes, Culley, I did.  Why don't you go and get us some coffee and we can
talk about it now."  Jake doubted Superman could move as fast as
Culley.  Opening up his briefcase his eyes met with those of a pretty
young girl.  Blond hair, big puppy dog eyes, lewd position and not a
stitch on.  Christ, Jake mumbled to himself, that poor girl.  He dropped
the file on his desk.  Some parts of the job actually bothered him. 
Whose mother and brother would put pictures of a cute kid like this on
the Internet?  Well, whoever they were they were about to become Spam
Cop's newest clients.

"It looks like you've done a thorough job on this file. Were you able to
trace the girl, yet?"

"Yes, Sir," Culley's hands were trembling.  "The Department of Motor
Vehicles found an image match.  Here's the fax.  She's only fifteen, Mr.
Renolds." God, he was nearly whining.  

The idea of another idealist in the department was too much for a Monday
morning.  Today Jake was going to expand Culley's horizons.  If he
wanted to suck up and get noticed Jake was going to accommodate him.  An
interrogation session usually knocked the stuffing out of juniors.

"You better get used to the kid stuff, Culley.  You're going to be
seeing alot of things that tear your guts up while you work here. 
Believe me, if the mother and brother are as stupid as they seem they'll
be easy pickings.  By the end of the day they'll wish they'd never even
known the girl."

They worked for an hour putting together an action plan.

#1.  Have the juvenile authorities meet the girl at school.  The
reaction to seeing her own picture on the front of the file would
indicate whether the girl was a willing participant.  If she was, she'd
be charged and her file forwarded to the Corrections Department.  If she
wasn't, she'd be taken to a safe house facility and juvenile authorities
would see that she got counselling and a safe new home.

#2.  Now that a family name was known the usual places could be
contacted for the mother and brother's identity.  Back to the DMV in
case they drove.  Run through the charge card companies for financial
history.  They lived in a house, so there was probably a mortgage
somewhere.  That would uncover the bank.  Another financial history. 
Social Security numbers should lead Jake and Culley to employers, if
they even had jobs.  Search out the Internet server and get an account
history.

#3.  Send a copy of the file down to the second floor.  The guys in
Research were pros at finding both identity and financial trails. 
Priority was always given to files Jake delivered.  It usually cost him
dinner while he related all the details of the bust to whoever had done
the work up.  It was well worth it.

#4.  Stake out the house to make sure both were at home.  Back up agents
were always assigned to multiple client cases.

#5.  Make a move to enter the house.  Spam Cops didn't need search
warrants and like bounty hunters could break and enter potential
'clients' homes.  It was hard to make a mistake when you had the clients
picture in your hand.

#6.  Handcuff mother and brother while the house was searched.  Pay
particular interest to financial papers.  They may have a business and
be set up for charge cards.  The computer would hold a lot of the
'proof' already circulating on the Internet.  How was it sold?  That
really determined how severe the interrogation would be and whether or
not the file would be relocated.  

#7.  Check out the basement for a possible interrogation room.  Spam
Cops looked for the most sound proof place in the house.  Other
facilities were available, but it was so much trouble to move clients. 
Depending upon the outcome of the session Jake and Culley would either
take them into custody and deliver them to the 'kid cops'.  (The term
used at Spam Cops Inc. to describe officers dedicated to kiddie porn.) 
Or they would be taken to IRS headquarters with all the financial work
up and the 'proof' they were in business.

#8.  (Jake didn't write this down.)  Take Culley out somewhere after
work and patch him up if he needed it.  First interrogations sometimes
lead to emotional problems for some agents.  To catch these clients you
had to enter their world.  It was especially disturbing if an agent had
experienced any past abuses of his own.  The scars usually lingered for
years and this kind of work was intense.  

Pleasurably intense for Jake, but he was a rare breed.  There was no
doubt about that when he finally saw the brother returning from 'work'. 
There was a bank deposit book under his arm.  Jake could feel the
pressure build up under his zipper.  God, he loved his job.

When Jake and Culley knocked on the door it was opened by a dumpy
looking woman with greying hair.  She wasn't even dressed yet! 
Clutching her housecoat she asked  "Can I help you."  That was the phone
sex voice Jake had heard from the tapes in the file.  Petite blond with
big tits and a wet cunt.  My ass, thought Jake.  The tapes were always
done as a non consensual, two men, one woman scenario.

"Spam Cops, lady."  With that they pushed their way through the door.

"Nicky.  Get out," she yelled.  Too late, the back up agents were
already pushing the guy into the kitchen in cuffs.

The bust took two and half hours.  Four cops loaded all the financial
records, the computer and the 'proof' photos into the back up's van. 
The back up agents were on the scene for an hour.  All the toys found on
the scene were left for the agent in charge.  They would be tagged
later.  

Jake and Culley were in charge of the interrogation session.  Part way
through Jake realized he'd misjudged Culley.  This guy was going to be
an executive at Spam Cops Inc. within a year.

(This story is continued in Part Two)

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