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Celestial Reviews 216 - September 13, 1997
Note: A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise
anecdote containing these five elements:
- religion
- excitement
- royalty
- sex
- mystery
The prize-winning essay read:
"My God!" exclaimed the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
Second note: This issue is heavy on reposted reviews. That's because
somebody at who@why.not has been reposting a large number of good stories. I
suspect this is Mr. Double Redux, but I can't prove that. Anyway, I couldn't
catch ALL of these reposts, but I have reposted the reviews of many of them.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Ripe" by BronwenSM (pregnant sex) 10, 10, 10
"Business Meeting" by Tokugawa (romantic tryst)
10, 9, 9
"First time in the Mouth" by Unknown Author (humor)
10, 8, 8
Guest Reviews:
"One Moment in Time" by Ann Douglas (cyberlovers meet
once) 6, 8, 9
"My Fantasy" by Deborah Leigh Johnson (TG) 9, 7, 8.5
Reposted Reviews:
* "The Fortieth Floor" by Asshmuck (utopian sex) 10, 10, 10
* "Art Museum" by TRANE and Wildfire Paradise (sex in
near-public) 8, 6, 7
* "Good Grief" by SueNH (surrogate sex) 10, 10, 10
* "Aerobics Is Good for Your Sex Life" by Wyvern (Sex &
Aerobics) 10, 10, 10
* "Three's Company: ... All Cats Are Gray" by Uncle Mike (sitcom
parody) 10, 9, 9
* "A Fly on the Wall" by P. D. Michael (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
* "Spanish Lessons" by P. D. Michael (wife-watching) 8, 8, 8
* "Cotton Dresses" by P. D. Michael (sex with aunt) 9.5, 10, 10
* "Call It Even Someday" by P. D. Michael (blackmail & revenge)
9.5, 7, 8
* "Stake Out" by P. D. Michael (outdoor sex) 10, 9, 9
* "The Light In Mother's Window" P. D. Michael (exhibitionism)
10, 10, 10
* "Snow Cave" by P. D. Michael (cold threesome) 10, 9, 9
* "A Rude Awakening" by Michael Dagley (reformed
virgin on a binge) 10, 10, 10
* "Three Wishes" by Sandman (magical breast growth) 10, 9, 9
* "The Fourth Ring" by Hunter Jackson (wife watching) 10, 10, 10
"Ripe" by BronwenSM (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com). I was once in a graduate
course where, for some reason, the professor showed on the big screen a
picture of a woman with really large breasts. I think the purpose was to
demonstrate the impact of distractions on meaningful information. The
professor asked us to summarize the contents of what we had seen and, of
course, none of us could do this, because we were all overwhelmed with the
thought of those magnificent tits or related events. However, as soon as he
asked the question, one lady shot her hand up, and said, "The whole thing
reminded me of the value of motherhood." She was serious, but the rest of us
howled with laughter.
So in this story we have a women who is obscenely large, cradled like a peach
in packaging, a pillow between her thighs, another under her belly, three
supporting her head and shoulders, a melted pack of peas between the soles of
her feet, sweating bullets in the hottest summer of hot summers, and yet she
is beautiful. Maybe you have to have been there - or gotten somebody there;
but pregnant sex can be beautiful, even in Great Britain.
This is a very nice, romantic, sexy story.
Ratings for "Ripe"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Business Meeting" by Tokugawa (Reposted by ). The man has had a hard day
but manages to drag himself back to his hotel. He is even too tired to
notice that his lover has somehow preceded him to his room and had begun
foreplay without him. When he eventually notices, a good time is had by all.
Then he discovers that SHE is his next day's business appointment.
Ratings for "Business Meeting"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"First time in the Mouth" by Unknown Author (Kristen's collection.) Listed
as "mouth.txt," this one is short and cute. The set-up leads you to believe
you're going to find some oral passion, and that's what you get - sort of.
Ratings for "First time in the Mouth"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"One Moment in Time" by Ann Douglas (AnnD@NYCPipeline.Com). Guest review by
Fiddler.
Ann Douglas made quite a reputation on alt.sex.stories. This isn't one of
the stories which made that reputation, but it shows one of her strengths as
a writer.
Two married successful women, one an ad executive on the East coast and the
other a naval pilot in California, have had an electronic romance. They
finally get together when the ad executive flies to California to make a
presentation. Then they part -- except electronically -- forever.
The sex explains Ann Douglas' reputation. The description was hot enough to
persuade this hetero male that a strap-on dildo was sexy; and Aster had
never accomplished that.
The negatives range from simple grammar and spelling to the background of the
story. (The opposite of win is LOSE; the opposite of tight is LOOSE. Even
on Usenet.)
The frame of the story includes anticipation of a longer time together,
disappointment at that and acceptance that they couldn't meet, and the
meeting as a surprise. But we are _told_ all but the surprise, rather than
shown it. Likewise, at the end of the meeting, they resolve that it was
wonderful but not something that they could afford to repeat; and we are
told their conclusion.
Either we should have been shown the anticipation and the disappointment, or
the background should have been simpler.
Ratings for "One Moment in Time"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 8
Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 9 (The sex WAS hot.)
"My Fantasy" by Deborah Leigh Johnson (Debi). Guest review by Vicki Tern.
Since this is a TG fantasy, first, un peu d'histoire -- as the Michelin
guidebooks say -- about TG reality, so we can tell who's scoring fantasies
without a scorecard.
All nature/nurture arguments to one side, it seems a given percentage of
males (1%? less?) and half that number of females (more? many more?)
discover in mid-adolescence that they would enjoy taking on most or all of
the attributes of the other gender, and no later than their mid-life crises
that they want to do something about it. Nothing for it, they're
transgendered (TG)
If male, their femininity calls and they must obey. Some are transvestites
(TV), crossdressers who satisfy themselves by cultivating erotically charged
feminine appearances, wearing dresses and makeup, at home in the closet.
They 'express their femininity" at great risk to their respectability if
found out, and at greater risk to their marriages ("SICK!" goes the reflexive
judgment, or at least "ABSURD!," though real shrinks know it's no big deal,
only one more sex/gender/behavior compulsion mismatch of the many Nature
provides). Eventually they may find support groups of like-compelled people.
Many of those who can't comprehend their compulsions go self-destructive,
trying drugs, suicide, or macho military service (a high proportion do
exceptionally dangerous things for their country with great distinction, some
even while wearing their pretty lingerie). The most courageous and the most
timid of crossdressers alike cope daily with fear of exposure and
humiliation, knowing that as John Wayne put it, "A man's gotta do what a
man's gotta do."
Some are transsexuals (TS), not men who must express their femininity
somehow, but men who have felt since childhood that they are in fact women in
the wrong bodies. Nature does this to some men and women too -- bodily sex
and gender identity are quite distinct, though usually matched up so no one
notices. Sexual preference is also quite distinct from either of these, as
any masculine gay man in love with another masculine gay man can testify, or
any bull dyke in love with a femme woman. Whatever they are in sexual
preference, most transgendered people remain -- heterosexual or bisexual or
gay. Men, or former men, mostly continue to prefer women as sex partners,
though some transsexuals are surprised to find that their affections change
with their bodies when they go though surgery and hormone replacement.
Transsexuals have an especially hard time of it, because if they finally do
decide to become women in body and social identity as well as in mind, it
usually costs them their wives, families, children, jobs, reputations, and
income. It ain't easy bein' green, as Kermit the Frog tells us about living
in a pink and brown world, but green they are. Even so, thousands every year
do what they gotta do and pay the price, or else commit suicide.
Almost done lecturing, smutlovers, hang in there. Now, we all know that
straight or crooked, erotic fiction sneaks around our censors and
self-censors to give us the worlds we wish we inhabited at our horniest, not
the inadequate worlds we do inhabit. TGs usually live compromised and in
fear of being compromised, and in their shadow worlds they too try to
preserve whatever they can of what we all want. Few dare enact every fantasy
they dream, and some not any. So for them, TG fiction tries to make up the
difference. In TG fables, because of blackmail, coercion, deceit, drugs,
extortion, hypnotism, magic, or other correlatives for a TG's own inner
compulsions, guiltless men become women in appearance and social roles, even
in their sexual preferences. In fact in TG fiction all girlfriends and wives
*want* their men to become women, and all mothers feminize their sons "so
they'll learn to behave". Moreover, when the process is completed, nearly
all of the "new women" would make Sharon Stone as green as Kermit. There is
always a marvelous mirror scene where the femininity desired is seen to be
the feminine image achieved, and the new woman falls hopelessly in love with
herself, hooked. Then later in the fiction, not the fact, that femininity is
ratified by passionate "heterosexual" lovemaking -- a man makes sure the TG'd
proto-woman knows how to suck cock, then enters whatever her openings, so in
the end she's been well and truly laid as a woman (sorry!), as well as hooked
by her appearance.
TGs who have settled for half a loaf in real life read TG fiction for an
imagined and idealized description of the other half loaf, using imagination
to balance out fear and desire for what they will never have (mostly
transvestites do this -- transsexuals are more intent to acquire reality for
themselves at any cost). Others not outright turned off by TG stories may
read them for what they imply and reveal about gender identity, sexuality,
compulsion, sexual humiliation, betrayals, dom and sub, S and M, moral
quandaries, and other such good stuff. Or simply for a good read. True,
much TG fiction reads like articles in "Seventeen" intended to teach a girl
how to dress for a date, listing item worn by item, fetish by fetish. But
good fiction is good, as they say, irregardless. I myself write TG stories
because I love the effortless superiority genetic women enjoy in them over
hapless TG'd men and wannabe women, but I also like stories that are crafty,
cunningly plotted.
"My Fantasy" author Miss Deborah Leigh Johnson ("Debi") writes about
transsexuals who dress like women and are persuaded they are women, and then
enjoy deeply satisfying sex with men (I've read eleven of her stories thus
far, all like this). The main characters may briefly think they're men, the
young ones anyhow, and may at first therefore resent being thought faggots
who suck cock. But they aren't gay -- by the time they're actually lavishing
affection on some guy's cock, they are doing so as women, and so in effect we
are witnessing straight sex.
Debi's aren't really conversion tales -- the main character is too quickly
seduced into panties if not already a committed TV or TS. Rather, they show
how a shy, hopeful narrator chooses or is required to be a pretty young
woman, risks rejection, timorously overcomes his own fears, gives great head
and sometimes also delicious anal sex, and then finally yields up her heart
(*her* heart in the end) to a nice man who has just received plenty of reason
to appreciate her. That's "My Fantasy" too, though with a difference.
Choosing outfits, dressing, putting on make-up, and filling one's purse for
the big date takes up even more space than the sex in Debi's tales, reminding
us that for many TG writers and readers dressing up and otherwise acting out
what nice women do routinely *is* the sex. But there's also a tremulous
first-love coltishness, a sweet innocence in her stories. They're idyllic
accounts of virginal cherries taken and true love returned. The narrator is
sorta nice, a lot nicer than many of the guys who fuck her for the first time
in each story. And the stories are themselves sorta similar in sensibility.
Debi the writer is a hopeless, head-over-heels romantic -- though she does
vary the vulnerability as well as the age and circumstances of her narrators,
in the end their hearts are as filled with gratified, transplendant love as
their mouths and tummies and rear ends are happily filled with cum.
In Debi's "My Fantasy," we find an interesting variant. A transvestite
seventeen-year old boy who loves to dress like a cute girl in secret (Mom
doesn't mind as long as he picks up afterward), who loves swishing his hips
as girls are wont to do, tells how he is discovered doing just that by his
somewhat boorish best friend "Brad." A cliche fear, so far, of most TG
stories. Brad requires as the price of silence that this "foxy chick"
service him, as girls are wont to do, with hand and mouth, now and
forevermore. Not unusual in TG stories. Required to act out feminine sexual
feelings, the boy finds in the intensity of tonguing Brad, sucking his cock,
embracing him, and otherwise pleasing her man, that he is much more
satisfyingly a girl, in fact that he is a girl, a true repressed transsexual.
That's almost original, and these scenes get pretty hot, though always
controlled. As the story ends the former boy in girls' clothes acknowledges
that she's really a lovely girl appropriately dressed, and is grateful to
Brad for forcing her to acknowledge that fact.
So it's a conversion tale after all, and skillfully done. Leaving aside Brad
the Boor's unsuitability as swain to this delightful young thing, the easy
simplicity of the gender change (now you see him, now you don't), Debi's
assumption that the hallmark of femininity is submissiveness (right,
Celeste?), and also anyone's justified moral resentment of extortionists (I
get too mad to enjoy the self-abasement), the story has real charm. It's pure
the way those pastoral poems are pure that various Corydons have penned to
various Phyllises ever since Virgil, yet it also describes the pleasures of
enforced, then hesitant, but finally devout cock sucking in loving detail.
It can be read as a straight girl's sexual initiation, as Brad himself
chooses to see it (strictly oral sex), or a girl's first crush. That it's
also about a TV's ecstatic faith that clothes make the girl, and a TG's
discovery through submission to another boy that he's really a girl (really a
TS, to complete this alphabet soup), adds a wishful grace note. Any TG can
enjoy this one, though it isn't Debi's best. Others can find in it their own
equivalences, or else turn it off and look instead at whatever M1ke's felt up
to or gotten into lately.
Ratings for "My Fantasy"
Athena(technical quality): 9 (point off for stylistic sameness)
Venus(plot & character): 7
Tern (appeal to reviewer): 8.5
* "The Fortieth Floor" by Asshmuck (Repost from who@why.not). This story has
no author on its title line. I have it in my files as "edited" by Asshmuck.
The most significant characteristic of the fortieth floor is that the people
who "work" there don't actually do anything except have sex whenever they
want to do so. What kind of place is this? Is this a government job? Is
this where those AOL consultants go when they're not giving advice to
confused a.s.s. users? Is this heaven? You'll have to read the story and
find out. It's a creative story; and I might add that my description of this
as "utopian sex" is not all that far off.
Ratings "The Fortieth Floor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Aerobics Is Good for Your Sex Life" by Wyvern (Repost from who@why.not).
This story was reposted as part of the collection from the "Vault," under the
title aerobics.sty. However, I have had terrible luck getting complete
stories from that series, and so I cannot recommend getting other stories
from that source. Maybe that service will improve. It sounds like a good
idea. Here's a review of the one story I did download.
Imagine that you are an overweight, middle-aged man who has decided to get
his act together by doing some exercise before his heart stops functioning
completely. I know this will be a stretch for most male readers of these
reviews, who are almost unanimously young, virile, and amorous hunks. But
for the sake of discussion, assume that you were such a person and you signed
up for aerobics at the local YMCA and the cute young aerobics instructor made
you an offer you couldn't resist. To wit, as the lawyers say: if the party
of the first part would meet his weight goals by a designated date, that
party would be invited to the rustic cabin of the party of the second part
for a weekend of fun and frolic as a reward for his good behavior. Not a bad
idea! Needless to say, the protagonist meets his goals and becomes a
veritable stud. Let's hear it for positive reinforcement! The author
presents the story very well, and the sex (which he refers to as vanilla) is
actually pretty hot. I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Maybe YMCAs would be
a lot more popular if they had more programs of this kind.
Ratings "Aerobics Is Good for Your Sex Life"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Art Museum" by Trane and Wildfire Paradise (Repost from who@why.not).
{This is a repost of a review from my very first issue of CR.} The
interesting thing about this story is that it was coauthored by two people
over the Throbnet BBS. As near as I can figure, the two authors have never
actually met in person. The story's format consists of several reciprocal
e-mail transmissions among the authors, in which each message builds upon the
story as it has been set up by the preceding message. In these messages the
authors evolve a story about two people making love in a limousine on a ferry
boat on the way home from the Seattle Art Museum. At times the authors seem
to want to coordinate their efforts; and at other times they seem determined
to throw a curve ball to the other by changing the situation abruptly to see
what the other will do next. It's an interesting format, and it results in a
sexy story. On the negative side, I think the authors followed the sex story
formulas a little too closely - getting in one and only one of every position
and every term for a pussy or cock. In addition, although I liked the
give-and-take atmosphere, it would have been possible to do some editing at
the end of the joint project to coordinate things just a little better.
Finally, if they're going to call the story "Art Museum" instead of "Ferry
Ride," it would have been nice to bring art into the story a little more.
All in all, however, this was a pretty good story.
Ratings "Art Museum"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
* "Good Grief" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com). I often hear the refrain, "All those
fuckin' stories on a.s.s. are the same!" Every once in a while, I start to
believe it and think that I have seen (or read about) everything. Then I run
across a story like this to reinforce my belief in creativity. I don't know
what I can tell you about this story without ruining the plot for you. The
action takes place in a cemetery and in a motel shortly after the funeral of
the narrator's close friend. The sex is both tender and hot. You'll just
have to read this excellent story to find out the details.
Ratings "Good Grief"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Three's Company: ... All Cats Are Gray" by Uncle Mike (Red Dragon Repost).
In this week's episode Jack rushes into the bedroom to save Janet from a
rapist, but it turns out to be her boyfriend, who departs in anger. To make
amends, Jack is required to finish what the boyfriend had begun - a sort of
surrogate coitus no-more-interruptus. Well, this event changes their
lifestyle; but since Chrissy is such a demure young lady, Jack and Janet feel
obligated to avoid scandalizing her. What Jack really wants is to boink
Janet's cute little asshole, but she won't permit that, but one day Janet and
Jack blow a fuse while they are making love and a casserole, and Jack goes to
fix it, and Chrissy comes back from someplace, and Janet goes someplace else;
and so Jack sees Chrissy's asshole in the dark and thinks it's Janet's and
starts fucking it, but then the lights come back on and Janet says, "What's
this?" and they all laugh and fuck like bunnies in heat.
Ratings for "Three's Company
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "A Fly on the Wall" by P. D. Michael (pdmm@interlog.com). Two beautiful
librarians were painting the condominium that they shared. Because it was
hot and because they were hot for each other, they were naked. The intercom
buzzed, and the doorman said they had a visitor. When they asked who it was,
he answered, "A blind man." Being very chaste women, they would normally
have gotten dressed before letting a caller into the room, but since the guy
was blind, they just said, "Send him up!" and continued with their work.
When they heard a knock at the door, one of them swung the door open in her
naked splendor, and the young man gawked at them, and a tent suddenly
appeared in his pants. When he recovered his voice, he asked, "Where do you
ladies want these venetian blinds?"
That joke was originally about nuns, but I decided to give nuns and the Amish
a break this week.
The present story is about a blind woman. A young voyeurist takes advantage
of her blindness and sneaks inside her apartment, so that he can gaze upon
her naked beauty without her knowing that he is there - like a fly on her
wall. The woman masturbates in front of him. {I suppose maybe that's how
she got to be blind.} Well, she figures out that he's there {the guy was so
horny that even I could smell his precum across cyberspace}, but she doesn't
get upset. Instead, she invites him to have passionate sex with her. It's a
very good story, but not quite as good as my librarian joke.
Ratings for "A Fly on the Wall"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Spanish Lessons" by P. D. Michael (pdmm@interlog.com). The husband has
been fooling around; and the conservative, virtuous wife has become upset.
To set matters straight, they decide that she should have a fling of her
own. Once the wife discovers the thrill of infidelity, there's no stopping
her. The husband finds his pleasure in watching her get boinked by Raoul and
his friends.
Ratings for "Spanish Lessons"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Cotton Dresses" by P. D. Michael (pdmm@interlog.com). The narrator has a
bit of a fetish for girls in cotton dresses. It stems from the day that he
first copped a feel from a girl in a cotton dress. The girl had told her
mother, and the two of them had come to his aunt's house (where he was
staying) and demanded that he be punished. While they berated him, he became
visibly turned on; and this simply stimulated the vicious circle of arousal,
if you know what I mean. Anyway, the aunt, who also owned several cotton
dresses, found it necessary to give him some sex education. The story never
does mention what the boy's punishment was.
Ratings for "Cotton Dresses"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Call It Even Someday" by P. D. Michael (pdmm@interlog.com). The
narrator's sister-in-law, Cheryl, is a snotty bitch who always puts him down
in front of other people. An opportunity to gain revenge arises when he
happens to see her with another man. He gives her the impression that he has
tapes of their romp at the motel, and the blackmail project is underway. So
he has sex with her and humiliates her and lives happily ever after. It's a
pretty good (but not quite complete) story.
Ratings for "Call It Even Someday"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Stake Out" by P. D. Michael (pdmm@interlog.com). Some guys who have been
long-time friends take their wives camping in Algonquin Park in Ontario. One
day they play a game where each of the wives is taken to a secluded spot in a
game of hostage. She is blindfolded and tied to a stake. The wife who
relates this story is pleasantly surprised when her husband returns and
starts to fondle her. Just prior to entry, the blindfolded woman realizes
that it's not her husband after all!
Ratings for "Stake Out"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "The Light In Mother's Window" P. D. Michael (pdmm@interlog.com). Back in
the 1940s the kids used to hang out after dark and look through windows to
see who was getting naked and who was getting screwed. A primary gathering
place was outside the window of the narrator's mother. Even the narrator
himself used to spend hours outside Mom's window, watching her play with
herself or with someone else. Mom was a virtuoso, but that doesn't mean she
was a virtuous woman.
Times have changed. Back then, people didn't have air conditioning; and so
they left their windows open, and the kids had something to look at.
Nowadays, we have air conditioning, and most people close their windows and
their curtains; but kids have dirty videotapes and sex on the Internet.
Maybe that's what's wrong with the baby-boomers! They grew up after air
conditioning but before vicarious sex had become easily abundant.
Ratings for "The Light In Mother's Window"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Snow Cave" by P. D. Michael (pdmm@gold.interlog.com). Maude has been
abandoned by her husband in a blizzard. She and two men have burrowed into a
snow cave, where it is necessary to cuddle together to keep warm. Of course,
it also helps to do something that generates a little heat in order to
maintain the level of warmth needed to sustain life. The idea of making love
with two eager strangers in a cocoon of sleeping bags in a pitch dark cave
certainly does have its erotic elements. With any luck there'd be a snow cave
for the night.
Ratings for "Snow Cave"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "A Rude Awakening" by Michael Dagley (dagley@soho.ios.com). I really hate
this story! I sat down about 45 minutes ago to read a story while I ate
lunch. I had with me two ham sandwiches, a can of Diet Coke, and an 18-ounce
bag of potato chips. I would read "A Rude Awakening" for ten minutes while I
ate lunch and then prepare my classes for the first week of the new school
year.
I am now one chapter - 10,770 words and approximately 12 ounces of potato
chips - into this story; and I can't stop. My husband is not home; the kid
across the street is mowing the lawn, sweating, his muscles glistening in the
sunlight; Kathy Ireland is looking down at me from my husband's calendar with
a cum-hither look that would give me blue balls if I had balls; and I have my
classes to prepare for a new semester. What's a girl to do? I guess maybe
I'll just read another chapter and see if this feeling goes away.
Well, I read TWO more chapters, at which time there was a lull in the action.
Then I fixed dinner and read four more chapters. Then I had to wait for the
author to post the rest of the story. Frustration Station!
This story contains an amazing blend of voyeurism and direct sexual contact.
For example, at one point Joey is getting head from Mrs. C, who is insisting
that he describe to her what he did with her daughter earlier that evening,
while Joey is making direct eye contact with the daughter, who is safely
hidden and masturbating behind the mother's back. This is hot stuff.
I noticed the title words, "Rude Awakening," several times in the story. The
first context stated that at the time of the story, (June of 1965) graduation
from high school would be a rude awakening: war, racial strife,
assassinations, drugs, and other problems. Like many good titles, however,
this one has more than one meaning. The second time the phrase occurred was
after Joey and Terri had made love; it was a rude awakening for Terri to
discover the power of her sexuality. The term pops up several other times in
the story. The most significant meaning of "rude awakening" is not
specifically stated - just strongly implied. The story begins with Joey an
immature, sad, sexually-repressed young man. He takes no chances with girls
and women, because he is afraid they will consider him to be rude. His
friend and lover Alice tells him he needs to risk being rude once in a while.
When the rudeness in him "awakens," he becomes a more mature, happy,
sexually responsive person. In fact, he becomes the neighborhood Lothario -
a term which you can either look up in your Funk and Wagnalls or infer from
the context of the story. And then he discovers that he has lost something
special - another rude awakening.
What do women really want? Polite men or rude men? The answer is that
different women want different blends; and even the same woman may want a
different emphasis at different times. Also it depends on what you mean by
"rude": in this story rude means that a guy does something that a girl will
like, in spite of the fact that a social custom or the girl's inhibitions
might oppose his action. I myself have been known to use the phrase "Shut up
and kiss me" - or an equivalent, more emphatic phrase, which would indicate a
demand for less "politeness." A very important moral to this story is that
it is often necessary to take some risks in order to be happy. A very wrong
conclusion would be that the rudest asshole gets the girl - or the guy.
This author's greatest strength, I think, lies in his sense of timing. For
example, he has the ability to make me think I'm witnessing two people
getting hotter and hotter until they can't stand it any more; and I can
almost feel it when they explode. He seems to have an intuitive grasp of
what to tell me and when to tell it to me in order to maintain my interest.
My husband has a similar ability, but he accomplishes this effect through
direct access to my body parts.
The main "weakness" to this story is that at times the author seems to want
to cram too much sex into it. I have a theory about why the author has done
this. I suspect that he has contacted a publisher (whom I know and respect,
but will not name in this review) about publishing a version of this story as
a novel; and that the publisher insisted on more instances of explicit sex.
In fact, the publisher I am thinking of makes specific demands, such as (1)
a wide variety of sex that is likely to be perceived as kinky, and (2) at
least two separate instances of specific sex per chapter. I know of at least
one good author who has simply stopped writing erotic stories because he felt
that these demands compromised his literary integrity.
I may be off the track in suggesting that the present author has "padded" his
story with extra sex in order to appeal to a publisher. I do know that there
are several instances where the storyline seems to take an unnecessary turn
that is unrelated to the overall plot. However, not too many readers are
going to complain about "too much hot sex," and so I'll let these
"digressions" slide. What I do know is that I review another story
("Elizabeth & Anastasia" by Tom Bombadil) in this issue of CR that is every
bit as good as this one: and that other story has about a snowball's chance
in my pussy of ever getting published by that same publisher. It's "too long
on story" and "too short on real sex." I think it's about time that that
publisher (or some other publisher) made it clear that it IS OK to have hot
sex in the context of a good story. The world is ready for good stories that
contain hot sex - without quotas and restrictions on what kind and how much
explicit sex needs to be included in each chapter. These stories don't need
to appear on news stands in the supermarkets; but they should be available to
mature adults who want more than a quick fix from their erotica.
As I reread the preceding paragraph, I realize I have overstated my case; but
I think I'll leave it. The present author HAS, in fact, done a commendable
job of trying to deal with the full personality of the main character. This
is an excellent story. In fact, if I would have found this story without
knowing the author's name, I would have guessed that it was written by Delta,
who made my Top 50 List of 1995 not once but four times. That's one of the
strongest compliments I can give to a story.
Ratings for "Rude Awakening"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Three Wishes" by Sandmann. The man goes to the remote island of Tonga to
write a story about a Shaman who lives there. The Shaman, of course, had
received an MBA at an American university before he returned to the island to
carry on the family tradition. Since the Shaman values his privacy, in
return for the interviewer's promise to keep quiet about where he found him,
the Shaman grants the interviewer three wishes. The man's first wish is for
unlimited money; his second is for his girlfriend's breast size to increase;
and he delays his third till later {the Shaman says he can mail it in}.
To be more specific, for his second wish he wants to be able to make his
girlfriend's breasts larger; but he wants this process to be absolutely safe
for her, and he wants the growth to be under his control." In granting the
wish, the Shaman adds just one condition: there will be but a single hour
during which he can cause Becky's breasts to grow, and then only as she
experiences orgasm.
When he gets home, the fun begins. Becky starts the lovemaking session as a
size A, but by the final twenty minutes she has progressed beyond size F. Of
course that's only an estimate; it might be better to use NBA standards,
since the tits seem to resemble basketballs. This may sound like a freak
show performance, but Becky enjoys it immensely - and there's always that
third wish in abeyance.
Sign from Heaven Department: I just found this Three Wishes Joke on
rec.humor. I apologize to my blonde sisters. Insert whatever you want in
place of the three blondes <interesting thought!>:
There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a
fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned
into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the
previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired
woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails
off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than
the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he
walks across the bridge.
{End of Joke}
If I myself had to make three wishes, I would, of course, wish first that
love and peace would spread throughout the entire world. My second wish
would be for an infinite supply of wishes. My third wish I would save to
cancel the other two, just in case I screwed up.
Ratings for "Three Wishes"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "The Fourth Ring" by Hunter Jackson (FDDH53D@prodigy.com). Sometimes when
I read these stories I talk back to the protagonists (inside my head, of
course). I say things like, if you have a wife with the hottest little ass
and cunt in town who is longing to be fucked but you're too dumb to notice
it, you deserve whatever happens to you. And if you're stupid enough to make
a bet with a super stud that he can't lay your wife - and if you do this not
one but three times - then you deserve to be relegated to a role in life of
licking the cum out of her cunt after she comes home late at night after
fucking him. And if you're still unwilling to admit defeat and demand proof,
then you deserve to be stashed in the bathroom while the two of them are
fucking their brains out in the bedroom right where you can see them. If you
can't get a personality that would demand a little attention from your wife,
then you don't deserve her. Those are some of the things that I might have
said to myself while I read this story. The title refers to how many times
the phone would ring if the guy managed to really stick it to the guy's wife.
(Rating: 10)
Ratings for "The Fourth Ring"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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