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Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 205 - Aug 6
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Celestial Reviews 205 - August 6, 1997
Note: People are confused about the Blowjob Principle, which states that if
a recipient wants to increase the probability of a second blowjob, he/she
should make the giver glad to have supplied the first. Applied to sexual
encounters, this means that if a girl gives a guy a blowjob and the guy hopes
to get another someday, then he should do something to make the girl glad she
gave him the first blowjob. Applied to stories, this means that if you want
an author to continue writing good stories, you should do something to make
him/her pleased that they wrote the story that evoked your gratitude.
When they thank me for my reviews, people often smile via email and refer to
the Cunnilingus Principle. Their theory is that since I am female, I
wouldn't know what to do with a blowjob if they gave me one. Actually, these
people don't understand the metaphor. The story (or in my case, the reviews)
is the blowjob. If the reader likes the story (or the reviews) then he
should maximize the possibility of a continued supply of "blowjobs" by making
the giver of the blowjob (that is, the author of the story or reviews) glad
that he/she helped supply that blissful experience. The pleased reader may
indeed accomplish this through a blowjob or cunnilingus; but it's important
to remember that we're talking metaphor here. A simple thank-you will often
suffice.
Second note: The discussion of zipped files continues on a.s.s.d. The
discussion is often technical. It seems obvious that attempts to be helpful
by posting zipped files can backfire and cause much more trouble than they
are worth. After reading what has been posted, I see several compelling
reasons not to post zipped files:
(1) It's difficult for readers to ascertain what is in a zipped file without
downloading it, unzipping it, and loading it into a word processor to examine
it. With unzipped files, readers can simply look at the story online and
decide whether to download it.
(2) Zipped files are often labeled with cryptic names that make it impossible
to know even the title of the story.
(3) Zipped files are binary files; and as I understand it, binaries are not
supposed to be posted on alt.newsgroups except alt.binaries. Some service
providers cancel newsgroups that post binaries when they are not supposed to
do so. Service providers have software that enable them to spot binary
files, and these programs do not differentiate between dirty pictures (to
which they would probably object) and zipped stories (to which they would
probably not object).
(4) Zipped files do not show up in DejaNews.
(5) Many users find it difficult to unzip files.
(6) Zipping does not save all that much time anyway.
The only real ADVANTAGE of zipped files that I have encountered myself is
that it is possible to get a multipart story on a single download, rather
than downloading, say, ten parts one at a time.
I suppose people will do what they want to do, but I think you should take
this information into consideration. {Note that this discussion does not
apply to sending zipped files through e-mail - just to posting them on
newsgroups.}
Third note: The guest reviews are working very well. I have received some
comments that people like my own reviews better than the guest reviews.
That's flattering; but I myself am impressed with the guest reviews. This
week there are six reviews by me and fourteen by guests.
The advantage of the guest reviewers can perhaps be seen in the series of
Parker reviews that I "commissioned" last week. I have heard rumors that I
don't like Parker and that Parker stopped writing because I harassed him or
something. Those accusations are simply not true. As far as I know, Parker
stopped writing because he felt this part of his writing life was complete
and he planned to move on to something else. On the other hand, I did NOT
find Parker's stories to be very erotic, and so I did not go out of my way to
look for his stories. With the help of some guest reviewers I was able to
offer you reviews of four stories that I almost certainly would not have had
the inclination to review. In general these reviews suggest to me that I was
right in my personal opinion of Parker's stories - and that I should read two
of them as soon as possible.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Hypnotism - A Teacher's Revenge" by Benny the Jetter
(hypnotic orgy) 7, 7, 7
"Sibling Rivalry" by Richard Lewis (childhood spanking)
10, 8, 8
"Wicked Girls" by L (silly gang-bang) 3, 2, 2
"HotTeenSex" by Johnny D. (computer-instigated rape)
9, 9, 9
"High Rise" by Mike Hunt (voyeuristic romance)
10, 10, 10
"One Time" by TeeJ (cyber-romance foursome) 8, 9, 9
Guest Reviews:
"Zero-G" by Hildegarde Bingen (adventurous sex)
9.5, 9, 9.5
"Pet Teacher" by Parker (blackmailing the teacher) 10, 8, 6
"Orlando's Call" by Parker (non-erotic prison story)
10, 10, 10
"Squealer" by Parker (rape & degradation) 10, 10, 3
"Career Opportunities" by Parker (female degradation,
blackmail, and control) 10, 10, 10
"Slow Dancing With a Stranger" by Sarlim (romance)
10, 10, 10
"Sally and Gerry" by BillyG (nostalgic threesome)
9.5, 8, 9
"Honeymoon Summer" by Hawk Richards (newlywed
passion) 9, 7, 8
"The Shop" by Seurat (romantic bondage) 10, 10, 10
"Ziff" by Zifferman (cuckoldry) 9, 8, 7
"The Trim Kitty" by Unknown Author (pussy trimming
service). 9.5, 9, 10
"Teen Sex in the 50's," by Jimbo (ponderous odyssey)
"Sleepwalker" by Storysman (somnambulant sex) 6, 8, 8
"Hypnotism - A Teacher's Revenge" by Benny the Jetter (Mr. Double repost).
The English teacher brings his friend to class one day, and the friend
hypnotizes the entire class of skeptical students. Once the students are
under the spell, the two men sort the boys from the girls. They decide to
fuck only non-virgin females who are on the pill and who aren't having their
period. I think they learned that in ethics class in college. The other
girls get to suck the men's cocks or show their cunts or give the boys
blowjobs during the festivities.
During the sorting-out process, we learn interesting tidbits - like little
Jennifer, the sexy athlete, had her cherry popped by the local minister as
part of a virgin sacrifice at Christian summer camp. This was enough to make
John the Teacher consider getting religion.
After the sorting, the men have the girls who are on the rag hold the
cuntlips of the non-virgins while the men do a taste-test down under.
{That's a pun, because the story takes place in Australia, which is on the
bottom of the earth. I'm surprised these kids didn't fall off the earth or
something.} As a punishment for being objectionable {a technical Aussie
term, I suppose} they have Philip the Bastard suck the cunts and arseholes of
the girls on the rag while the men are making merry with the other girls. I
almost forgot to tell you that they spice it up by giving the girls
post-hypnotic suggestions that the men are rock stars and the girls are
expensive whores hired to please them. We are also treated to a play-by-play
retrospective of the Reverend's deflowering of virgins at his camp. (See
previous paragraph.)
The story is almost like "Chaucer Gone Berserk Down Under." We have a
stories of orgies within stories within stories of orgies. In addition, we
learn about the Australian culture. For example, Kylie's first sexual
experience (with a human male, that is) occurred as part of a gang-rape while
(actually, whilst) her mum was at Mothers' Union meeting. That's a great
idea - letting mothers have a union and all. The two men were going to get
naked and go to town; but as you may surmise, the nearest town was far away,
and so they got naked and fucked Kylie instead. This digression soon becomes
the rest of the main story.
Well, so it goes. It's kind of interesting and probably true - after all,
Australia was practically founded by lawyers, politicians, and criminals from
the rest of the British Empire back before the sun ever set on it. I heard a
punchline the other day about an Aussie who fucks both his cow and his sheep,
but I can't remember the rest of the joke. Maybe I was hypnotized and being
buggered by the minister at the time.
I dunno. This sounds like a really stupid story, but in the back of my mind
I seem to have the feeling that I should give this story high ratings. You
don't think . . . .
Anyway, if you're the kind of person who likes to jerk off over fantasies of
nubile teenagers eager to do your will, you'll probably enjoy this story -
especially if you don't have a friend who can hypnotize a crop of sweet young
things for you.
Ratings for "Hypnotism - A Teacher's Revenge"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Sibling Rivalry" by Richard Lewis (rlewis@xsite.net). This is a story about
a boy who had a very well-behaved sister. The children were rivals for their
parents' attention; but while the sister did good things to gain attention,
the brother resorted to misdeeds. And sometimes the little girl delighted in
seeing her brother punished. So far this may be an interesting story, but
it's no big thing. I understand even Mother Theresa had similar tendencies
when she was younger. I think I heard that on Oprah or something.
Now the story gets complex. In fact, it gets downright interesting. In
summary - the boy enjoys the beating he gets as punishment for his
misbehavior.
I had trouble getting a reviewer for this story, and so I simply reviewed it
myself. One reviewer commented that he had a vague notion where the sex was
supposed to be in the story, but he simply didn't see this as an erotic or
sex-related story. My suspicion is that people with a spanking fetish would
see this as more obviously sex-related.
My impression is that we're supposed to conclude that the boy found the
spanking to be erotic because he associated it with his nakedness and the
pleasant feelings that occurred when his father took care of his wounds. {A
secondary rivalry in the story is that the father and mother are subtly at
odds over whether to spank the boy. The story hints that the parents had
refrained - at Dad's insistence - from spanking him; but when his behavior
got out of control, his mother's pro-spanking stance won out. The mother
spanked the boy in such a way as to attempt to lay guilt on BOTH the boy and
her husband.} Under such circumstances the association of spanking with
sexual pleasure is perfectly plausible - it's simple classical conditioning -
like Pavlov and his dogs.
Lots of readers will view this fondness for punishment as "normal" - they
think that an eagerness to accept pain and humiliation is part of "normal"
sexual development. I guess such an interpretation of this story is
possible, but that's not the way it stuck me. I read the story as suggesting
that something bad happened to the boy - he learned to enjoy being punished -
as a result of the accidental circumstances that surrounded this emphatic
instance of corporal punishment. I don't think this sort of reaction happens
all that often. I myself was spanked as a child, and I have spanked my own
children {albeit very rarely}; and neither I nor my children seem to
associate this form of punishment with sexual pleasure. I stopped doing the
things that led to spankings; and I think I would have been a damned fool to
do otherwise, when it was possible for me simply to behave properly rather
than badly after the spankings. I really doubt that a huge number of
"normal" parents get or give sexual pleasure by spanking their children.
As I said, this was a good story, but I also had trouble finding the sex in
it.
Ratings for "Sibling Rivalry"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Wicked Girls" by L (laurraca@aol.com). A bunch of girls get drunk at a
swimming part, order pizza, and gang-bang the pizza delivery boy. This story
is a grammatical abomination, and it's not a very good story either.
However, for a grammar goddess looking for examples of grammar mistakes,
this story was a veritable gold mine.
Read this sentence and decide what's wrong with it: "Sitting in the dimly lit
room waiting for his pay, one of the girls came on to him." What this
sentence says is that one of the girls was waiting for the boy's pay. How
would you fix the sentence? Simple: ""While he was sitting in the dimly lit
room waiting for his pay, one of the girls came on to him." Good student!
You get an A on your grammar homework.
Ratings for "Wicked Girls"
Athena (technical quality): 3
Venus (plot & character): 2
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 2
"HotTeenSex " by Johnny D. (JohnnyD@cryogen.com). Paul is downloading a
combination of sexually-explicit binaries and spam on his computer. He's
getting all turned on, but just as he's about to explode in a major orgasm,
his modem detonates instead. That's right, the damned thing just goes
kaplewie! There he sits, shock on his face and seven inches on his cock. A
moment later his twin sister knocks on the door and asks if anything is
wrong. At first he says that the modem just blew up, but then he realizes
that this is his chance. He runs into the hall and tries to rape his sister;
but she escapes and runs into the alley. No problem: he runs after her, but
she escapes. No problem: there's another girl in the alley, and he jumps her
bones and pops her cherry. Then he realizes what he's done. He's ruined
this poor girl's life. She'll probably tell her big brother or the police or
a maniac fundamentalist spammer or something.
The moral of the story is don't buy a cheap modem. Order your modem from me
at 1-900-HOT-CHIX, and I'll throw in a free blowjob.
Somehow I got off track in this review. It's actually a kinda interesting
but bizarre story, or vice versa. It's also getting late, I guess.
Ratings "HotTeenSex "
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"High Rise" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com). You know, Mike Hunt is really
great. I wish I had the nerve to say that sentence out loud in a bar. It
would be a great pick-up line. I mean, you might get an interesting reply:
"Your cunt is nothing compared to Emily Dickinson's."
Anyway, Mike Hunt is really great. This time he writes from the perspective
of his other self. The easiest way to explain this is that his original self
is probably still recovering from the drubbing he took from Taria in her last
story. Life gets complicated when you start playing significant roles in
stories other than your own!
Anyway, in this story Mike starts out by voyeurizing the lady who lives in
the apartment in the high rise next to his own in Chicago. When he discovers
that she goes online with AOL, he arranges to meet her there, without her
knowing that it's him; and then the he who's online counsels the her who's
online with regard to her budding romance with the him who she thinks is not
online but really is. I think I got that right. It may be better if you
just read the story.
The basic flaw of this story is the tenuous assumption that two people can
deliberately and easily get onto an AOL chat line almost at will in a major
metropolitan area like Chicago - IN THE EVENING HOURS yet! Yeah, right. And
the Cubs may win the World Series this year.
What I liked best about this story was that the woman came with a "whoosh"
and a "thunk." Actually, I'm just practicing quoting information out of
context: she came _off the elevator_ with a "whoosh" and a "thunk." When she
came in the sack it was simultaneously with her lover, but with neither a
"whoosh" nor a "thunk."
Ratings for "High Rise"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"One Time" by TeeJ (teej2@aol.com). The man and woman have developed one of
those cyber-relationships we hear so much about on Oprah. They arrange to
meet; but - get this! - they decide to bring their spouses along. Both
spouses are a bit skeptical, but they agree to cooperate, since there will be
no sex - just dinner and family movies about the kids. But "Life is full of
surprises" - that's a line from the story when the visiting husband and wife
start getting aroused as the scenes about the kids switch to bedroom scene
with the home team performing fellatio. I'll bet you think it will stop
right there - well, you're wrong!
This was a very good story. The point of view was interesting - male
cyberlover relating to the female cyberlover a blow-by-blow summary of the
encounter, taking into account the actions and reactions of the spouses. The
story's main problem was really silly typographical spelling errors, which
could be cleaned up by running a spellcheck.
Ratings for "One Time"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Zero-G" by Hildegarde Bingen (hildegardeb@hotmail.com). Guest review by
Anne747.
This is an intriguing story that covers a fantasy I've always kind of had.
HE wants to experience sex in zero-g, SHE decides to attempt to bring that
fantasy to life. The darkened carnival sounded like a great choice, and I
was even surprised at the choice of rides. Now me, I get sick on carnival
rides; but the scenario sounded appealing, albeit a little dangerous.
Since I like constructive criticism of my own work, I'm just going to add a
few comments. A little more insight about the male character might have been
nice. I would like to have known more about his feelings about the situation
(oops, I forgot to mention, he's blindfolded through the whole thing). There
are a couple of places where a little more reaction from him might have added
to the feel of the piece.
The story is written in such a realistic style that you just have to wonder
if this is an actual retelling of an event. It probably should be labeled
'please don't try this at home,' but it makes for wonderful fantasy. Almost
makes me eager for the opening of the CNE (our version of the State Fair)...
although Grav0l would be a must! This is a great story for those who like a
little danger with their sex.
Ratings for "Zero-G"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Pet Teacher" by Parker. (This story is also known as "Parker6"). Guest
review by Fiddler.
Pamela Brown was a high-school math teacher with fantasies about being a
submissive. Like any sensible employee of a school board, she only bought
her kinky reading material in a fairly distant city where no one from the
school district could ever *possibly* find out. (Are you reading this,
Celeste?) At the end of summer school, one of her students, Maggie Moore,
asks to speak with her. Maggie has found out. This being a Parker story,
you can be sure that Maggie isn't going to be satisfied with a passing grade,
extra tutoring next year, or even a supplement to her allowance. Maggie and
Miss Brown become Miss Moore and Pamela and then Miss Moore and Pamscunt.
This is supposed to be Parker's continuation of a story begun by "Deva." If
so, I can't identify the break. In this story, as usual, Parker writes very
well on all levels: word choice, grammar, pace, character motivation. At the
center, however, is the assumption that one person's degradation of another
produces a great erotic rush in one of them, if not in both. If you share
this assumption, then you'll enjoy this story much more than I did.
Ratings for "Pet Teacher"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Fiddler (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Orlando's Call" (Parker2) by Parker. Guest review by Fiddler.
Joseph Orlando, now warden of the state's maximum security prison, has been a
prison guard or official all of his life. At the end of his career he gets a
delayed message from an old friend and colleague, Harrison Burke, now dead.
Burke had settled a prison riot a year before. That had required some
unorthodox methods, however, and there were still some loose strings. Now
Burke's message leaves Orlando with the decision on how to resolve those
loose strings.
This is a Parker story; the erotic content, if any, consists of a suffering
victim. It is also a brilliant story. I'm afraid of telling too much of the
story; but read it.
Ratings for "Orlando's Call"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Fiddler (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Squealer" by Parker. Guest review by Stubby
Celeste asked me if I would review a Parker story, probably because she knows
that I am by no means completely anti-SM. Actually, I generally don't read
Parker stories any more, because they usually aren't erotic to me. This one
was no exception, and I'm not sure it's generally a good idea to have people
write reviews of stories that don't turn them on. But here goes with a
one-time experiment.
In "Squealer" a young female medical student is kidnapped and raped by two
low-lifes, one white and one black. They force her to get drunk before they
rape her, and afterwards they abandon her in an inner-city neighborhood.
Desperate for help, she staggers into the only lit doorway. It is a bar, and
the proprietor of the all-black establishment sees a profit opportunity, gets
her further drunk while pretending to comfort her, and then sells her body
for $50 a shot to his (all-male) customers, who take her one after the other
on a pool table. After several rapes, she decides to try to get it over
faster and simulates response, and after a few times doing this she actually
has an orgasm.
Then the local druglord and pimp arrives on the scene, and makes the
bartender turn the girl over to him. The pimp "trains" her to be a street
hooker by having her sexually abused for days in captivity to break her
spirit. Finally he thinks she is ready, and sends her out with one of his
other hookers to pick up her first john. She tries to escape by telling the
john she has been kidnapped, but the john tells the other hooker, who turns
her in to the boss. He punishes her cruelly for several days, which finally
breaks her spirit, and she ends the story as a compliant street whore.
The title of the story is her hooker nickname, which refers to the fact that
the pimp trains her to squeal like a pig when she is having sex - a
particularly mordant touch. There is also a clever framing device for the
story - a middle-aged middle-class white guy in a dull marriage drives with
his wife through the neighborhood where the "heroine" is working the street
corner at the beginning of the story, and we hear his and his wife's banal
comments about her. Then how she got there is told in flashback (the bulk of
the story), and the story ends with Mr. Babbitt coming back to purchase her
services.
This is a very skillfully told story. It violates the usual conventions of
its sub-genre in that the kidnapped and abused woman does not come to enjoy
being raped and sexually brutalized, or selling her sexual services, though
we are led to think this will happen during the gang-rape in the bar. She is
simply intimidated into faking convincingly.
For this reason, the story could almost be a radical feminist fable
critiquing male sexuality. The only thing that tells you it isn't one is the
fact that most of the men in the story are African-American, which feminist
politics wouldn't allow.
I was left almost completely unaroused by this story. (I'm not claiming any
virtue in this; I probably would have been somewhat more turned on, though
maybe not real pleased about the fact, if the story had followed the usual
convention and had the woman "learn to like it.") Anyway, my first
inclination was to grade it something like 10, 7, 3. But then I realized that
in my last review I gave a "10, 10, 10" to a story that I did find erotic
but in literary terms was not as impressive a performance as this one.
Obviously there is some spillover from "turn-on" to "literary value."
Another way of putting it is that some of the very best erotic short stories
written anywhere turn up on a.s.s., but it is not the case that the very best
stories, period, are found here. We don't get the equivalent of John Cheever,
Raymond Carver, or Allegra Goodman. So it's unfair to grade for literary
quality on a curve set by the very best short stories overall, just because a
story is almost completely unerotic to the reviewer and therefore seems to
fall into the category "general short-story."
But maybe this is an argument for generally not trying to review a.s.s.
stories that (by virtue of their genre) simply don't turn one on. I don't
think I'll be repeating this experiment.
Ratings for "Squealer"
Form: 10
Literary quality: 10
Turn-on factor (purely subjective): 3
"Career Opportunities" by Parker (Parker 11). Guest review by Piper.
If you've read one Parker story, you've read 'em all. They're all about the
same thing - controlling and degrading women. Right?
To put it bluntly, yes they are, but no they're not. While the first line is
basically true in general, in detail it's like saying all Arthur C. Clarke
ever wrote was science and science fiction, or all Stephen King ever wrote
were thrillers. If you actually start looking at the stories, you'll find
that details make all the difference in the world.
In this story, the central character is a woman named Barbara Dahlton. She's
a corporate bigwig, one of the senior staff, and likes to throw her weight
around and step on those little people beneath her feet. They're expendable.
If they start making too much noise about being treated badly, make them
quit. If a young, smart, beautiful woman starts with the company, do
everything you can to get rid of the competition. So what if you destroy any
future she might have had working anyplace else at the same time. She
shouldn't have dared to be so beautiful, smart, and vulnerable at the same
time. Barbara is what people commonly call an executive bitch from hell.
Think about her name. Think about one of the less flattering diminutives of
her first name. Then remove one syllable from her last name. Wonder who's
going to receive an unwanted makeover?
As I said, the differences are in the details, and Parker excels in making
all the details work in a tight, interesting story. The sex is sometimes
hot, and sometimes disgusting. At times, I wouldn't wish what happens to her
on my worst enemy. If this was real life, everyone involved should either
end up in jail for a long period of time, or spend a long vacation in a
padded room. Luckily, it's fantasy, and the reader can pick and choose which
of the protagonists to envision themselves being. Or, possibly, the reader
could choose to be all of them at different times.
The main characters are very real, even if they do step beyond the bounds of
what's normal. The situations are real enough that they only require a
modicum of suspension of disbelief. The 'big bosses' are sufficiently blind,
stupid, arrogant, short-sighted, and misogynistic at the proper times that
they don't poke their noses into their subordinates' fun. That's exactly
what the 'little people' have, too. Fun. At the expense, fortunately
(unfortunately for her), of a woman they think deserves everything they can
throw at her. And in this story, like many of Parker's others, 'everything'
means a long, long fall down the business and evolutionary ladders.
Problems and errors are hard to find. A few poorly chosen words. Some
sloppy punctuation. One or two misspellings. In a story this long, those
are forgivable. The only problem I had with the story itself was with
Barbara. It was slightly harder to suspend enough disbelief to imagine that
a woman of her obvious intelligence and mental toughness could be
steamrollered without putting up a bit more of a struggle. But, that's a
minor quibble, and I only include it because a reviewer is supposed to find
something that a writer can use to improve a story.
Parker wrote some of the classics of this genre, and this is one of his best
stories. Enjoy, if you've got a twisted enough mind.
Ratings of "Career Opportunities"
Technical merit 10
Plot & character 10
Appeal to reviewer 10
"Slow Dancing With a Stranger" by Sarlim (sarlim@aol.com). Guest review by
BluePencil.
Hotel bars are one of the staples of erotic literature. Patronized by
strangers both to the locale and to one another, they offer easy anonymity,
lowered inhibitions, and a somewhat structured meeting ground for lonely
people far from home.
When our narrator enters the bar alone, it is almost inevitable that he will
meet someone. Our narrator is in no hurry; it is only after he has found a
table, sipped his drink, and started to relax that he pays attention to the
people on the dance floor.
Soon enough, his attention has focused on the tall, dark-haired beauty who
seems to be accepting only a single dance with each man. But alas, just as
he readies himself to ask for the next, her most recent dance partner sits at
her table. Discouraged, our hero sadly orders a fresh drink . . .
I shan't continue the rest of the story in such detail. Almost casually,
Sarlim maintains the depth of characterization through their meeting, several
surprises, some very well-drawn sex, and an unexpected but well-fitting
ending.
Though many possible cliches are present - the hotel bar, the mysterious
stranger, a possible voyeur - they are handled deftly, a nod to the
conventions rather than a reliance on them. Sarlim is one of the best
authors currently posting to a.s.s, and this story is a fine example of his
work.
Ratings for "Slow Dancing With a Stranger"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot and character): 10
BluePencil (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Sally and Gerry" by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com). Guest review by Bookman.
In this nostalgic narrative, a lucky young man has a teen-age lust
relationship going with a beautiful classmate. Then her older sister becomes
available.
And that's about it. A simple, age-old story. But BillyG uses a quiet,
gentle, almost soft-spoken style to work a charming tale of teenage angst and
"what-might- have-beens" that I found almost instantly believable. (I also
found myself humming the old Lovin' Spoonful song "Did You Ever Have to Make
Up Your Mind?", but that's another story.) What keeps this out of the usual
fantasy world most erotica here inhabits is that, once given the situation
these people are in, they act like you'd expect people to act. This is a
chunk out of Life, and whether it is actual reminiscence or the author's
illusory creation is immaterial. Here there are no sexual supermen or
inexhaustible women. There are three people, in a situation of their own
making, and they deal with it like real people.
I have a similar experience that sits gently on my memory, which is perhaps
why I responded so quickly and deeply to this tale, but it brought a wry
smile to my soul, and a memory of a time when I thought I could do no wrong,
while I was doing little else.
The sex, as is everything else here, is low-key, but that doesn't stop it
from being effective. There are also a few typos/misspellings, but they
probably won't bother the reader unless he's as obsessive about such things
as I am.
All in all, a worthy addition to the a.s.s. catalog. I'd definitely like to
see more from this author.
Ratings for "Sally and Gerry"
Technical: 9.5
General appeal: 8
Appeal to reviewer: 9
"Honeymoon Summer" by Hawk Richards (heminway@epix.net). Guest review by
Kim.
Here I am back by huge demand; well Celeste asked me anyway. I thought I'd
start off with some notes, 'cos if they're good enough for the boss, then
they're good enough for me.
1. Celeste recently asked if I'd like to review a story involving Bart
Simpson. I declined on the grounds that in spite of it being a satire of a
satire, at it's heart I felt it was simply pedophilia. This has no meaning or
bearing on anything, just thought ya oughta know what sort of a wussy
reviewer I am.
2. Hawk Richards, the author of "Honeymoon Summer," has recently publicly
fallen asleep whilst reading one of my posts. The reason I mention this is
that it allows me to be outrageously vindictive about his baby and it won't
matter 'cos he'll have fallen asleep before he gets to the nasty bits <heh
heh>.
3. Hawk also has the habit of posting beta versions of his stories. Rather
like Bill Gates and his software. I therefore have no idea if this is the
final release version of the story. Hmmm, has anyone ever seen Hawk and Bill
in the same room together? Now that's a surreal thought, even by my
standards.
4. Can't think of a 4th one. Hey these "notes" things are more difficult to
come up with than it seems. So hats off to Celeste for pumping them out so
regularly.
Anyway, on with the review. [BTW I'm taking the story at face value and
assuming it isn't a parody]. Basically this story is one quick burst of
newlywed love that lasts about, oooh let me see, ten minutes. Which is longer
than it takes to read this story, it being less than two pages in length.
Quite where the "summer" comes in is anybody's guess.
Written from the male POV, this story describes a guy gazing lovingly at his
new bride as she sleeps. He then sneaks up on her and gives her a bit of a
lick, then hops aboard as she's coming to (er, as it were). They then both
climax and swear undying love for each other. The end.
Did I like it? Yes, very much. It's written in a deeply romantic style
bordering on the purple. So much so that the single use of the noun 'cunt'
kinda leapt off the page at me and smacked me between the eyes. Also there
are still the odd spelling and grammar errors; so I guess this isn't the
final release after all. If I judged this purely as an example of sweet,
genteel erotica, then I'd have to say it's just about perfect, tens all
round. However...
Ratings for "Summer Honeymoon"
Athena (technical quality): 9 (lost one for odd typos etc.)
Venus (plot & character): 7 (Very pithy plot, but we
didn't exactly get to know the characters)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 8 (lost two for being too short -
see, I CAN be tough :)
"The Shop" by Seurat (dantedibby@aol.com) - Guest review by Sven the Elder.
{This story is listed as Twighlight Zone Stories #2.}
They say that first impressions mean most, a principle I have found to be
true in most things of my life. Reading a new story is no different. The
old gag of the "It was a dark and stormy night" cliche to start a story is
legend. But it does something: it paints a picture, a scene in mind; it
conveys the writers mood. Seurat excels. His opening couple of paragraphs
should be studied by some students of the art of storytelling. Before books
and the written word was the spoken story, where the a wandering storyteller
would amble from hamlet to hamlet, or village to village. These visits were
long-awaited affairs and the storytellers were made welcome because of the
'magic' they could convey with words. Word painting is not easy: not just
anyone can do it, and few can do it well - this opening rates amongst the
best.
Carol wishes to surprise her husband with something a little different on
their 10th anniversary. Where better than to look than the local purveyor of
things erotic? Carol wishes to surprise, but doesn't know with what or how.
The shop assistant can help her choose and she does, and you, dear reader
must follow the rest of the story yourself to learn how. I am not into
bondage in my real life, and have to say that I thought I might not like this
story. Thank you Celeste for asking for my help: I might have missed an
excellent story with a twist in the end.
I have one minor complaint: I mentioned first impressions for a reason.
There appear to be only seven paragraphs in six pages. However, and I
refuse to 'dock' marks for poor layout, this may be as a direct result of the
encapsulation of the story to me by e-mail from Celeste. It could also be
the way it was transferred by me from e-mail to WP on my Mac; but the format
was annoying.
I do intend to keep this story, and so it will undergo a little layout
editing to enhance the pleasure I will get from rereading it. I will alter
its appearance in short. Eating a meal in a good restaurant is about
presentation: we like the meal to appear appetizing - piling it on the plate
does not achieve that effect. Likewise, placing the dialogue from the
participating personnel in a narrative is helped by splitting it into
manageable chunks; for me that is most easily achieved by using separate
lines as each person speaks. The 'white space' on a page of hard copy
enhances its appearance and, like good spelling and grammar, makes it easier
and more enjoyable to digest.
Enough! - This is a great story, read and enjoy!
Ratings for "The Shop"
Technical quality: 10
Plot & character: 10
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Ziff" by Zifferman (Zifferman@aol.com). Guest review by Paddy Toute.
Hmmmm. Well, interesting, certainly very interesting. This story, the first I
have read by this author, has many elements essential to a good sex story.
There's interracial sex, voyeurism, cuckoldry and cocaine. There are other
elements, but they may give the game away somewhat. To summarize, our hero,
Mike, is having problems with his wife, Coleen. To put it bluntly, all is not
A1 in the bedroom between them. Mike, wisely or unwisely suggests to a black
friend, Titus, that he might like to apply for a job at Coleen's company.
Surprise, surprise! Titus and Coleen eventually get it on, whilst Mike
receives regular bulletins from Titus about the "hot white chick" whom he is
"taking" on a regular basis and her pathetic husband who has no idea of his
wife's antics. Needless to say, Mike's plans (that a change for his wife may
be as good as a rest for their marriage) do not come to fruition, and fans of
happy endings should stop reading the story at this point, if not much
earlier.
So, what we have here is a good basis for a story, and a good slant on a few
tried and trusted themes. However, there were one or two problems for me with
the enjoyment of this story. For example, the oft-committed offense of black
stereotyping. Titus, wouldn't you know it, is hung like a donkey, at least 10
inches when soft and condom-breakingly large when erect. He talks about
"white bitches", and so forth, and uses a mode of speaking which I thought
was pretty much outmoded. In addition, there were a few spelling and
grammatical errors, but they didn't put me off in the least.
Overall, this is certainly not a bad story: maybe with a little honing and a
slight rethink of some of the language it could be made into a very good one.
I would certainly check out more of Zifferman's writing and hope he doesn't
object to my criticism. I don't want to criticize, really I don't. It's just
that I feel obliged....I'm a nice guy, I'm kind to animals, well most of
them, well most of the time anyway......
Ratings of "Ziff" {added by Celeste}
Technical quality: 9
Plot & character: 8
Appeal to reviewer: 7
"The Trim Kitty" by Unknown Author (posted by powerguy@worldnet.att.net).
Guest review by Anne747.
I always hate seeing a good story with 'author unknown', but I did try the
CompuServe address given by the person posting it, and it did indeed bounce
back. The thing is, when you read something you enjoy, it would be nice to
encourage the author to keep writing. Hopefully we'll find out that the
person is actually posting under another name, and isn't gone forever.
Anyway, enough about that. The story and intro kind of gives away the
premise a little, but it is introduced fairly quickly. A man, who has been a
surgical technician, is opening a shop called the Trim Kitty. The only
service the store provides is well, I think it's obvious, trimming and
shaving pubic hair of women.
A rather slow start to the day is interrupted by his first customer. I won't
tell you exactly what happens next, but it was a slight surprise. The story
could have used a little more details in some places, although if I tell
which ones I'll give away the surprise! There is at least one more part of
this story, although it stands well on its own. All in all a good read, and
it makes me wonder if there are such places around here. {Note from Celeste:
Part 2 of "The Trim Kitty" was posted almost as this review went to press.}
Ratings for "The Trim Kitty"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Teen Sex in the 50's," by Jimbo (Jimbo@oldfolks.hom). Guest review by Taria.
Whew! Well, I'm back again, this time after a long journey. I mean a
really, REALLY long journey.
The voyage in question was back to the Fabulous Fifties, those halcyon Happy
Days of greasers, diners, leather jackets, and parking on Lovers' Lane until
it was time to Wake Up, Little Susie. Now, that alone would make for a
pretty lengthy trip of minus nearly fifty years. Unfortunately, my little
Blast from the Past felt like it took longer than fifty years. A hundred,
even. No, I feel like I just got back from an eternity of traveling, an
endless, wearying road that went on forever.
You, too, can join me on this egregious road to nowhere. It's called "Teen
Sex in the 50's," and, oddly enough, that's what it's about. Simply put, a
young stud named Bill chronicles his lifelong journey to sexual fulfillment
from childhood (half a chapter) through teenagerhood (however many chapters
he spends on age 17, it's way too many), and finally into late middle age.
Along the way he gets to try voyeurism, oral sex, incest, menages-a-trois,
orgies, exhibitionism, mild golden showers, straight sex, more straight sex,
menstrual sex, even more straight sex, and eventually old people sex. He
introduces us to numerous friends and relatives from the Fifties, all of whom
are exhibitionistic enthusiastic hedonists, and a good time is had by all.
I, however, did not have a good time. Nearly everything from character to
plot to sexual action is cardboard, mechanical, and not terribly interesting.
There's virtually nothing to place the story in the Fifties--no greasers,
poodle skirts, fuzzy sweaters or leather jackets. Not even a beatnik. Few
if any good songs. None of that sexual sublimation or repression that made
sexual secrets so alluring and powerful. No, these "Fifties" kids are Free
Love nudists ahead of their time. This is not only inaccurate but damned
dull after a while.
Let me make this perfectly clear: the climax of the story occurs when the guy
becomes a dentist. Go see "Diner" or "King Creole" again instead. You'll be
happy you did.
Ratings for "Teen Sex in the 50's"
Athena (technical quality): "Urethra" is spelled correctly. Often.
Venus (plot & character): <Yawn>
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): Don't Ask
"Sleepwalker" by Storysman (from Kristen's collection). Guest review by
Wherryman. {This is a new reviewer. Wherryman has never posted a story that
I know of, but is a representative of that vast, nameless group of people
known as "readers." To answer a question raised by this reviewer - what if
the grammar is not up to my high standards? - I actually edit these reviews.
The hard part is that these chaps from across the pond just plain talk
funny. You'd think they invented the language or something!}
I offered to do a guest review for Celeste and almost immediately regretted
it. What if my grammar and spelling were not up to her high standards?
Suppose I were given a story from one of my less favoured genres? I didn't
have to worry for long because by return I received Sleepwalker by Storysman.
I started reading. Unfortunately the first paragraph gave the impression
that poor proofreading was going to get in the way, but I pressed on. Mark
and Kendra are soon to be married. All seems well: the sex is certainly
regular and apparently satisfactory, but then Mark becomes aware that Kendra
is a sleepwalker.
At first he is more aroused than worried, because while asleep Kendra is less
inhibited, rubbing herself against a lamp or masturbating with the phone.
Mark even fucks her without waking her. He confides in his friend Alan, but
they cannot decide what to do.
When she starts going outside and is stripped and groped by an old man, even
Kendra agrees that she needs help. They turn to Kendra's mother who is a
psychotherapist. but it transpires that she may be part of the problem rather
than the cure.
To say more might spoil an interesting story that has some good sex as well.
I certainly became absorbed enough to stop proofreading as I went. Errors
and some odd phrasing let the author down but the ideas are good and the
delivery could easily be improved with more thorough checking. I will be
looking out for more from Storysman.
Ratings for "Sleepwalker"
Technical merit 6
Plot & character 8
Appeal to reviewer 8
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