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From: Suki <suki@fish.com>
Subject: Story: Catharsis (b&d, s&m)
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It's been since August that I was truly active on ASB.  School,
stress...etc.  I finally gave up trying to keep up.  To those who I
owe mail, apologies.  It may still be a while before I have time to
respond.  Many of you will recognize this story.  It was hinted around
the net at the time.  This is from ConFrancisco, and I sincerely thank
the Sir's who helped me.  


					Catharsis

					by Suki

	A want... a want turned need.

Masks.  Always keeping them up.  The public persona.  It gets tiring.
Tired of the mask.

Following the need.  Tied to the frame, arms suspended above me.
Blindfolded, safe behind the darkness.  Free to feel; no need to see.

Absently hearing the music.  Tori Amos.

Then pain.  Welcoming the pain, moving into it.  And then away.

The masks are dropping.  My voice.  I cannot hear it, yet it seems so
loud.  The mask of silence--shattered.  

Pain.  Climbing the chains attached to my wrists.  Jerking.  My voice
crying out.

No safeword.  Yes, I have one.  No, I will not use it.  I need....
what?  To prove myself?  To cry?

The pain continues, intense.  Blows rain down making me see stars.

My voice breaks.  The last mask.  A single tear escapes the blindfold.  

The pain pauses.  A finger wipes the tear.  A kiss on my lips.

"We're going to continue."  

I nod, inclining my head just barely.  The pain resumes.  My crying
turns to sobs and I feel the chain in my hands....  I flinch away,
trying to escape the pain, yet welcoming it's release.  

Then it is over.  

I am on the floor.  Complete the ritual.  Then curl into a ball on the
floor and sob.  Releasing, letting go.

Awareness.  Need.  Reaching... wanting... calling... for the one who
shares my soul.  Crying in his lap.

And them relaxation.  Peace.  Calm....

Downstairs seeing faces.  Hearing words.  Floating.  I know people
talked to me.... I wish I remember everything they said.

		***

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