Message-ID: <2058eli$9707141234@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Archived-At: <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/Year97/2058.txt>
From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 198 - July 12
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d
Path: qz!not-for-mail
Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam
Approved: <usenet-approval@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded <story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Story-Submission: <story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Original-Message-ID: <970713203736_848205850@emout11.mail.aol.com>
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 198 - July 12, 1997
Note: Is all that spam as irritating to you as it is to me? Apparently lots
of these spammers send their material to several groups at a time. I don't
see how we can eliminate this stuff, and so the secret seems to be to make
the real stories stand apart from the spam. One simple way to accomplish
this is to prefix your title with the initials of the newsgroup. For
example, "{ASS} My Story" would catch my eye as I'm skimming through the
spam. It might be worth a try.
Second note: I was the recipient of an application of the Blowjob Principle
recently. One of my main goals is to make the Blowjob Principle as popular
as, say, Murphy's Law. That is, someday I hope that someone will go into the
office of the CEO of a major company or nation and say, "You goddam idiot!
Don't you even understand that the Blowjob Principle applies here? If a
person expects to get a second blow job, the recipient should make the giver
glad to have performed the first." And the CEO will say, "You're right. You
did a good job on that project, and I neglected to show my appreciation."
Then he'll give the other person a blowjob; but since the Blowjob Principle
is actually a metaphor, the CEO will simply give the other person a raise or
public praise or something like that.
Simply summarized in its application to this group, the Blowjob Principle
states that if you enjoy a story and hope to see more like it, you should
express your appreciation to the author. A simple note that tells the author
you liked the story and why will suffice - a literal blowjob is usually
unnecessary and often impossible, or at least impractical.
Third note: Somebody recently reposted "The Continuing X-Rated Adventures of
Gordon Schumway." This is an "Alf" episode. Alf is a television character
whom I cannot even describe. I know I am possibly missing one of the great
joys of life, but I have never watched more than five consecutive seconds of
an Alf episode in my life. The story appears to be well written, and lots of
people like sitcom parodies. Alf had a major audience, and some of those
Alfites must follow this newsgroup. This story probably deserves to be
reviewed. If there's a volunteer out there who would like to do a guest
review this, I'd be happy to hear from you.
Fourth note: Somebody named Spamhater has been posting a large number of good
stories. These stories are "zipped," which means you need software to
"unzip" them. Many services (AOL, for example) supply this unzipping service
automatically. To help you recognize good stories when Spamhater posts them,
I am reposting reviews whenever I recognize the titles of the stories.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Remembering the Sting" by Renae Nicks (first time)
10, 10, 10
"A Fast Date I Once Had" by Kathy (sex in a fast car)
8, 10, 10
"A Very Special Summer" by Neil Stevens (rough love &
romance) 9, 9, 10
"The Knight Errant" by Caintigern O'Niall (gay knightly sex)
10, 10, 10
"In Your Eyes" by Paddy Toute (romance) 10, 10, 10
"Bedtime Stories" by Mule and Amity (segments of very
long story) 8, 3, 2
"Bart and an Older Woman" by GzAxgaiefX (sitcom parody)
8, 8, 8
"Transitions" by Ramapo (dreams & ff cybersex) 9.5, 10, 10
"Sacrament" by Gwydion (guilt & penance) 10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Bird of Prey" by SmutLizard (control) 9, 10, 10
"Invisible Woman" by Celeste (exposing the boyfriend)
8, 9, 8
"Icecream Sundae" by BronwenSM (British FF sex)
10, 10, 10
"College Haze" by Dimitri (fraternity sex) 7, 9, 10
"Therapy" by DG (rape) 10, 10, 5
Reposted Reviews (because the stories have recently been reposted):
* "Escort Service" by Sexy 37 (oral sex) 9, 9, 7
* "He Doesn't (Love Her Like I Do)" by Uther Pendragon
(emerging adolescence) 10, 10, 10
* "Winning Through Intimidation" by J. Boswell. (wife
watching) 9.5, 7, 7
* "Vacation Doesn't Count" by J. Boswell (wife watching)
9, 9, 8
* "Ten Dollar Fine" or "You Ain't Never Gon' Forget" by
Wollstonecraft (rape) 10, 10, 9
* "The Fourth Ring" by Hunter Jackson (wife watching)
10, 10, 10
* "Peach Pit After Hours" by Roger P. Tipe (gang rape)
9.5, 9, 8
* "Stars in Our Eyes" by Mark Aster (romantic outdoor
voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
* "Wide Brown Eyes" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (romance)
10, 10, 10
* "The Eyes of Satan" by Swoon Racers (hypnosis) 10, 10, 10
"Remembering the Sting" by Renae Nicks (RenaeNicks@aol.coom). This is the
story of Renae's first sexual experience. It's one of those rare "true"
stories that is both interesting, sexy, and apparently true. Renae and Mark
met in a college course - in fact, it was a biology course, and the professor
was lecturing on human sexual reproduction. They grew closer and closer and
finally made love. That's about all there is to it, but the author makes it
seem a lot more interesting.
Ratings for "Remembering the Sting"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Fast Date I Once Had" by Kathy (Kristen's Collection). People always warn
about drunk driving, but I've often suspected that there are other activities
that are equally dangerous. Of course, I'm referring to falling asleep at
the wheel. Really. In this story the narrator describes how she gave a
blowjob to her date while he was driving the car at over 100 miles an hour.
I imagine this could become one of those really interesting algebra
problems: "Assume that Jane has a ninety percent probability of bringing Dick
to the onset of orgasm within 10 minutes of intense oral sex and that Sally
can do the same to John Thomas in 15 minutes. The couples start at cities 50
miles apart and drive toward each other on a dark, two-lane highway at 100
miles per hour. How likely is it that they will have a wreck if each
driver's blowjob starts at the beginning of the trip and it takes one minute
for each to regain his composure after ejaculating for 30 seconds?"
Although I don't approve of this level of risk, this IS a sexy story. The
combination of sexual stimulation and danger IS sexy, even though it may also
be stupid. In my own life, when my husband and I were dating, I once slid
over next to him and started to fondle his leg. He glanced at me and said,
"If you think you're so unattractive that you can do that to me without
risking our lives, you had better think again." Not a bad combination of
safety slogan and pickup line! I oughta donate that line to MADD.
Ratings for "A Fast Date I Once Had"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Very Special Summer" by Neil Stevens (WA3IAO@aol.com). James is a
graduating senior at the Indiana School for the Deaf, an outstanding jock,
and a virgin. He is helping Sue pack to move away for the summer. Sue is a
sexually experienced, sexy teacher. In the passion of the moment James
initiates rough sexual contact with Sue, who loves every moment of it.
Pretty neat, huh? Well, actually James is guilty of rape, since he pushed
himself on Sue after she had said no. You see, when Sue said "no," she
really meant "yes," even though she didn't realize this at the time. That
excuse will never hold up in court, and about two years ago a famous
country-western singer withdrew a very successful song that contained a
refrain about "when I say no I really mean yes."
Anyway, since Sue has enjoyed the experience so intensely, she decides to "do
the right thing" by teaching her new lover how to fill a real woman's needs
without doing violence to her. She begins her lessons immediately. Over the
course of the summer they cover an entire curriculum of taboo subjects. The
climax of the summer comes during a session of wild anal sex. Then they
drift apart and eventually stop seeing each other.
Although the language is usually very descriptive and highly provocative, the
story is sometimes disrupted by needless grammatical glitches. In addition,
the story is interrupted by a prolonged session of telephone sex between Sue
and a former boyfriend, who really plays no other part in the story. This
comes across like a leftover from another story the author never got around
to finishing. As for the anal sex, I simply don't understand why they went
at it the way they did. It was painful, and they seemed to get off a little
on the pain itself, but Sue obviously wished that she could do it without the
pain. WHY DIDN'T THEY USE A LUBRICANT? The anus simply does not
self-lubricate the way the vagina does - even during very passionate anal
penetration; and a thorough lubrication with KY lubricant or even with a lot
of saliva makes anal sex a lot less painful, even downright enjoyable. In
real life what James and Sue did to her anus would lead to unnecessary
infection and tissue damage.
Ratings for "A Very Special Summer"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Knight Errant" by Caintigern O'Niall (Caintigern@deathsdoor.com). I
don't read or review a lot of stories about gay men. My decision is not a
form of censorship; it's just that I am myself a heterosexual female, and
while stories about lesbians do excite me, those exclusively about gay men do
not. This one caught my eye because it would give me an excuse to post this
humorous list of medieval pickup lines:
1. I have the key to your chastity belt and you have the key to my heart.
2. Can I hose down your doublet?
3. Your eyes are as dark as a castle moat by midnight. Lower your drawbridge
and let me cross.
4. You should be glad I'm not a Viking. You would have been ravaged and
plundered by now.
5. What's a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?
6. Come up and see my scrolls.
7. You can scale my battlements any day, madam.
8. You scratch my boils and I'll scratch yours.
9. They don't call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know.
10. My that's a fine set of chalices you have there.
11. Ssh, I don't want everyone to know I'm on a secret holy quest.
12. When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren't the only thing
they stretched.
I'm sure some of these lines can be modified to suit gay men, but they are
essentially irrelevant to the story. Nevertheless, I'm glad I reviewed the
story, because it is a well-written, creative endeavor. It tells of a farm
boy who comes upon {oops! a Freudian pun there} a knight sleeping near a
stream. First the boy goes for a swim and reminisces about his first gay
experience with a peddler boy. Then he goes and gives the knight a wake-up
call. The knight puts the boy to the test and then invites him to become his
squire - largely because of the boy's ability to take care of his sword.
This story continues in "The Knight and His Squire."
Ratings for "The Knight Errant"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"In Your Eyes" by Paddy Toute (paddy22@aol.com). After a romantic dinner
Paddy's lover takes her back to her apartment and fucks her. I normally
don't like these second-person (you) stories - and I honestly believe that
this one would work better in the third person - but this one is so tender
and descriptive that I'm going to let that element slide.
When I saw this title, I thought I recognized it. I looked in my database
under "Eyes," and I verified that this was a new story. But what I also
discovered is that I have now read four stories containing this word, and all
of them have received straight 10's. They're all good stories. I'll repost
the reviews, and maybe the authors will repost the stories.
Ratings for "In Your Eyes"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Bedtime Stories" by Mule and Amity (mule@eat-spam-tpe.com). I suspect I may
have stumbled onto a cult series here. I could find only Chapters 61 and 63.
I presume there are about 60 other chapters out there, and they keep on
coming.
What I do know is that it's hard to jump into the middle of this series. I
also know that what I have seen has not inspired me to go back and find the
other 60 chapters; but as I said, it's probably a cult thing - kind of like
the Rocky Horror Movie. As I understand Chapter 61, Amy is training a group
of people to be dommes, and as part of the training program she is reading to
them a field report by Plaything, an apparent man who has trouble getting
through airports because he has to wear a chastity belt. I think he has been
testing a remote-control chastity device which can be used on sex offenders
in Boston - among other uses. The only other exciting thing in this chapter
is that one of the dommes-to-be goes to the bathroom to take a piss
(off-stage).
As I said, I don't have Chapter 62 - but that's OK; don't send it. When I
got to Chapter 63, the same gang of dommes was discussing a torture device tha
t Doug (a.k.a. Plaything, I think) has to wear: it causes him no pain when
his dick is soft but has spikes and such things to torment him when the cock
gets hard; and of course the dommes giggle and look forward to making it hard
on Doug. After a break Amy gives marital advice to Dorian, but it's really
hard to determine what the advice is actually about.
These chapters are not badly written - that is, the sentences make sense; but
when I put them together it was difficult to figure out why I had bothered.
I think what must be happening here is that the authors were either drinking
or smoking something and started a story without really knowing where it was
going. Now, 60 chapters later, they still aren't sure where they're going,
but they're having a great time going there. Every once in a while somebody
chips in with a story idea or utters the modern equivalent of "Far out,
dude!"; and the result is another chapter or so. This isn't necessarily bad;
I suspect that major religious movements and political parties have emerged
from flimsier origins. If you like this sort of thing, you'll enjoy this
series. The whole series is apparently posted at http://www.tpe.com/~mule
and http://www.tpe.com/~amity.
Ratings for "Bedtime Stories"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 3
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 2
"Bart and an Older Woman" by GzAxgaiefX (gzaxgaiefx@aol.com). Bart Simpson
is the cartoon role model whose task in life is to encourage American
children to despise school. Acting on the advice of his amoral and
incredibly stupid father, he goes to his teacher and confesses that he is the
person who has been writing love letters to her. Since she had been deeply
moved by the letters, the teacher is really pissed off; and as his punishment
Bart is required to satisfy her needs. Being a sexually ignorant fourth
grader who has not yet even begun puberty, Bart is confused. But isn't he
always? Don't have a cow! Bart fucks the old lady, and episode 2 is on the
way.
Ratings for "Bart and the Older Woman"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Transitions" by Ramapo (posted as "Transformations" by pjchis@cpcug.org).
Tiffani is a rather plain woman who has not hit it off with men. She has
been having very hot, intensely sexual dreams about female lovers. On an
impulse she answers an e-mail personal ad from a lesbian named Vixen who
offers to make her the woman of her dreams. After the exchange of a few
intense messages, Tiffani finds herself driving to meet Vixen. Now I'm
getting close to spoiling the story, and so I have to be careful here. Let
me just say that I'll bet somebody out there has a magic potion that can turn
a person into the woman of her dreams, but the FDA's bureaucracy won't let it
onto the market until it has gone through careful, clinical testing with
appropriate control groups.
I forgot to mention that this story is science fiction - alternate reality
stuff. The cerebral part is interesting, but the dream descriptions are
really the sexy part.
Ratings for "Transitions"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Sacrament" by Gwydion (gwydion@writeme.com). This story came across like
one of those foreign movies I used to watch when I was in college: It wasn't
what I would call enjoyable, but I knew it was good. But I couldn't say why.
The gist of the story is that a woman who is a maid in a hotel has a serious
guilt problem; and she's working hard at suppressing her sexuality, which she
considers to be the root of her sinfulness. One of the guests at the hotel
is a former priest - not only an ex-priest, but a depraved ex-priest who has
his waste basket filled with filthy pictures of men abusing women. The
former priest counsels the woman, and in a sort of sacramental sexual
ceremony he helps her atone for her sins. The experience rejuvenates her -
and him.
The story is reminiscent of a Graham Greene novel - the old whisky priest
theme from "The Power and the Glory." This story is not jerkoff material, but
it seems reasonable to believe that serious stories have a place on this
newsgroup.
I have frequently maintained that the bdsm stories don't ring true to me,
because I find it hard to understand how a person can express love for
another by being deliberately cruel. I have also often stated that from my
own background the closest thing to extreme bdsm as a form of love is the
theological insight that God somehow redeems people by making them suffer.
One of the great Catholic classics is the medieval "Imitation of Christ,"
and it focuses on this theme. Priests still preach this insight from the
pulpits, and I think these priests are generally full of crap. The same
theme runs through many of the American Puritan literary classics (e.g., "The
Scarlet Letter") as well as the literature of many nations and cultures. I
personally reject that concept of God, but I'm sure many readers of these
reviews will find it to be familiar. These readers (and these preachers) may
be right, and I may be wrong. What this author does is make a little more
explicit than most authors the relationship between religion and certain
sexual activities as a form of purification.
I have a friend who acknowledges that "Schindler's List" is probably a great
movie; but she has no intention of seeing it, because she "has enough
problems in her own life without watching a movie that dwells on man's
cruelty to man." I'm sure she wouldn't be interested in this story either.
If you feel that way, you might want to skip this story. Read something
frivolous and uplifting like my own "Virtuous Reality."
This story made me feel uncomfortable, but it was still an excellent story.
Ratings for "Sacrament"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
The following Guest Review was written by Taria:
"Bird of Prey" by SmutLizard (SmutLizard@hotmail.com) This is one of the
most frightening stories I have ever read on this newsgroup. The story is
told from the point of view of a rugged and astute Police Officer, Sergeant
Jakes, and describes his investigation of a rash of mysterious suicides.
Jakes' quest begins late one night at a "sleaze factory," a local dive bar;
it ends abruptly much later that same night. At the heart of the mystery,
the story, and eventually Sergeant Jakes, is a woman--a blonde doll in a red
dress, with blood-red eyes. From the outset, this piece is gripping; it is a
tale that is vividly and chillingly told (never mind the typos, especially
the oft-misspelled "sergeant").
But the most frightening aspect of the story, to me, was not the plot, the
action, or the use of language. What scared me most was the figure of the
woman, Melissa, and what she represents. Melissa is desire incarnate for
Jakes from the moment he meets her. Yet her desirability is overtly
threatening, and she herself explains why: "You see," she says, "sex does not
exite me, Sargent...I'm turned on by control. watch." And watch he does, as
Melissa controls his desire, his sexual response, his deepest needs. Even as
she offers to do his bidding she continues to control him, deciding for
herself what his bidding will be. And Jakes abandons all control, all of
himself as his desire for her--which she manipulates at will and creates in
the first place--washes away his selfhood and his most basic instincts for
self-preservation.
Many of the stories on a.s.s. use sex as a metaphor for power or control.
Some of these--most notably the S&M or B&D variety--take no pains to conceal
this connection, and many revel in the terms "force," "control," and "obey"
and their connection to sexual interplay. But what exactly do these stories
reveal about the ubiquitous female "Mistresses" and other dominant women
characters who wield all of this power? In "Bird of Prey," the woman seeks
to conquer man after man, robbing each male of his essence, of that which
makes him a living man, and then deriving her own pleasure only at the moment
his surrender to her is complete. "Are you mine, Officer Jakes, or are you
your own?" she asks, and the answer is obvious to both the man and the woman.
"You are going to give me...the ultimate control, just because you want me.
And you are never going to have me. You know it, and you're going to do it
anyway."
In this story the pain is pleasure, the pleasure is pain--and all is
orchestrated by the totally-controlling woman. I am not saying that
SmutLizard is especially sexist or misogynistic, and I'm not especially
concerned with his particular formation of the Vagina Dentata (the
all-devouring vagina with teeth--viz. Melissa's unique blow jobs), or of the
"Madonna/Whore" (Melissa is essentially both, embodying both pure control and
irresistible sexual desire). I _am_ saying that on alt.sex.stories, a public
sexual forum mostly involving the participation of men, there are some
interesting patterns of female characterization. And because "Bird of Prey"
is not only a ripping good yarn but also a very symbolic piece, it is quite
revealing. Read the story and enjoy it. Then think about it.
Ratings for "Bird of Prey"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Taria (appeal to reviewer): 10
The following Guest Review was written by Figment. Note that the author of
this story is a different Celeste, who now goes under the name Sexy 37 - not
the author of these reviews.
"A WOMAN'S TOUCH... Invisible Woman" by Celeste
(trihole@ix.netcom.com). I can't say much about this story without giving it
away. Actually, I probably can, because it's pretty obvious what's going to
happen from early on.
A college student believes her boyfriend is cheating on her. He denies it. To
prove he's cheating on her (or, I guess, that he's willing to cheat on her),
the woman concocts a plan with one of her roommates: The roomie (our lovely
protagonist, who's something of a sexual wallflower) will get the boyfriend
to fool around with her - just kiss a little - in a previously designated
spot; and the angry girlfriend can catch them. Conveniently, this will take
place at a Halloween party, and our protagonist has an excellent costume, so
the boyfriend and anyone else will never know just with whom he cheated.
Naturally, things don't go as planned. Nothing too crazy happens - but I'll
leave you with a little bit of a cliffhanger so you go read the story.
There are some inconsistencies in this story:
- Why does the girlfriend need to catch her boyfriend in the act? It won't
prove whether he cheated on her before; and if she really believes he did,
she should just dump his ass and be done with it.
- No one is supposed to recognize the protagonist because of her costume.
I'll grant, it sounds like a costume that'd conceal a lot; but she also
mentions she's only 5'1". Personally, I don't know too many people that
short. There would have to be a lot of folks at a party for me not to
recognize a significant other's roommate who's only that tall.
There's also some very hot sexual activity in this story. That creates a bit
of an inconsistency too: I don't think I know a man who'd refuse the
protagonist - or any attractive woman - if she came on to him like she comes
on to the boyfriend in this story. I suppose the girlfriend never imagined
her roommate would get so nasty.
Anyway, this story starts out slow, but it gets hot. (I'm partial to drunken
quickies, though, so that may just be me.) It was interesting enough to me
that I'll probably check out at least a couple more of the "Woman's Touch"
series.
I do hope this story really is true, because for a _true_ story, it is pretty
damn sexy (although I don't know if I'd like to live with a roommate who'd do
this to me); for a work of fiction, it's just OK.
FINAL NOTE: In the future, the author could leave out all the smileys - :) .
They don't make the story more personal - they just prevent you from really
thinking of this as a "story" - be it true, or a work of fiction. They're not
really necessary, either - the humor is obvious from context. Anyway, in this
reviewer's opinion, it's hard to get yourself off - it's hard to feel sexy at
all - when emoticons are jumping off the page at you. :)
Ratings for "Invisible Woman":
Technical Quality: 8
Plot & Character: 9
Appeal to Reviewer: 8
The following review was written by Mark Aster.
"Icecream Sundae" by BronwenSM (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com). This is a
very nice story! Two female friends get drunk together, complain about men,
go back to the room, and make love. Just what I'd like to do if I were
female. Well, something like that. The writing is sound, the characters are
agreeable, the sex is hot and not drawn-out. I do have two problems with the
story:
(1) it's in a foreign language. That is to say, it's in English, and I speak
American. What does "pissed as a fart" mean? What's a "duvet"? What are
"DMs"? Most of the foreign words occur during the setup, however; the sex
itself seems internationally worded. (This isn't really a problem, of
course, it's actually great fun. "Bollocks to this for a game of soldiers"
will stick in my mind for years, or at least days.)
(2) the narrator has never made love to a woman before, and this particular
woman is a friend of hers. I would normally expect this to figure a little
more in the story, contribute to some tension, some fear of making a wrong
move, of having messed up the friendship, of being a Pervert, whatever. But
both ladies take the whole thing VERY casually. Which shows admirable
rationality on their parts, but does deprive us the readers of some
potentially sexy and heartwarming emotional-tension stuff (the kind of stuff
that's all too rare in sex-writing). Maybe next time! <grin>
Overall, a good story, and particularly interesting to F/F fans, Brit-fans,
and non-skinny-lady fans (you'll have to read the story to find out why that
last bit).
Ratings for "Icecream Sundae" (added by Celeste):
Technical Quality: 10
Plot & Character: 10
Appeal to Reviewer: 10
The following is a Guest Review by Piper (a regular contributor to a.s.s.
under another name).
"College Haze" by Dimitri (dimitri@ihug.co.nz). This is a great story for
reviewing. I mean, besides being a pretty good story in its own right, the
author leaves soooo many different angles to chose from for poking fun, that
I just can't make up my mind.
This a campy sendup/reprise of those hilariously bad _Revenge Of_
somethingorother movies with enough naked female flesh being caressed,
licked, and sucked by other females, to fill out the lack in all of the
aforementioned flicks.
Firstly, the story is about a college jock named Jock, this nerdy computer
geek type guy named Sebastian, and about forty (yes, 40!) college girls. The
girls are all members of the elite Delta House sorority. Jock is trying to
become a member of the Alpha Phi Beta fraternity, just like his father. The
upper echelon in Alpha Phi Beta are trying to get the upper hand on the girls
of Delta house by getting the deep and dirty lowdown on them, mostly because
none the Alpha members have ever managed to slip into any of the Delta
deltas. Jock gets the job of skulduggering, and if he's successful, he'll
automatically be accepted and become a member. Er, let's change that last
bit to say he'd be accepted into the fraternity. And the Geek? He's your
typical antisocial technical genius with a thing for computers, cameras, and
security systems.
Secondly, if I had to make a crude guess, I'd say the story was typed out
using one hand by a fairly advanced fifteen year old high school kid with an
overactive imagination, overactive libido, and a failing grade in English. I
know better, though. Dimitri tells us right off the bat that he's a New
Zealander. They don't use Northern Hemisphere English down there. I know.
I've seen Crocodile Dundee three times. They got sheilas and barbies down
there that don't need capitalization. It also accounts for what I would
normally call misspelled or misused words, like ultimateum, or lebian. (I
know, N.Z. isn't Australia, but they have similar dialects).
Thirdly, I was under the misapprehension that the folks in N.Z. used the same
deck of cards we use. Over in Vegas, if two folks in the same game in the
same deal got the hands these two did, someone would end up deep in doodoo
(that's shit, if you didn't already know). One had four kings, and the other
had a straight flush, running from ten to ace. (For the uninitiate, a
straight flush is five cards running in sequence, all of the same suit. I
wonder what it would be like to play poker with a deck that has at least five
kings in it?)
It's interesting to read a story written by someone so far away. I learn new
things, and new words. My favorite new word is "fumegators". I'm not sure,
but I think it's something fairly similar to an exterminator, but they rid
your house of 'gators rather than the smaller kinds of pests. See? Reading
the stories in a.s.s. is educational!
Truthfully, I did enjoy the story - as much for the strange and unusual
errors I found as for the plot and pussy munching. There are more misplaced
modifiers, dangling participles, run-on sentences and swapped homonyms than
in one of Caesar's old stories.
If the author is looking for any advice, I'd say to keep writing just like he
is, but find someone to iron out all the technical details for him. (Now if
I can just figure out how to translate "The blonde sat up on the bed on her
knees, then bent down over the brunettes laps, her head beginning to bob up
and down," I'd be satisfied that I could speak 'Zealander!)
(PS: I downloaded the story about a week before Celeste asked me to review
it, and passed it on to a couple of my friends whom I call ladies, but not to
their faces. They give it a pretty good rating of 4-5-1. Of course, their
system isn't based on a scale of 1-10, like Celeste's. It's quite a bit more
open ended. That was four orgasms for one, five for the other, with one of
each being close enough together to be considered mutual. HOW they came up
with the rating, I didn't ask, and don't ever intend to.)
Ratings for "College Haze":
Technical merit 7
Plot & character 9
Appeal to reviewer 10
The following review was written by Green Onions:
"Therapy" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com) He's got it all.
A muscular body, a blue-blooded resume, a fully-loaded Jeep and an eye--well,
*three* eyes to be precise--for the babes. He's a BMOC (Big Man On Campus)
who strutted straight out of the coolest fraternity at a prestigious east
coast school right into the hottest brokerage firm in the second city.
And _man_, do the _girls_ ever know it. As long as they're not too
possessive and willing to put out, he'll find exactly the right way to tack
another notch on the ol' shooter.
So sports fans, don't be surprised if you see this player pump that white
blur clear outta the ballpark! This dude's already got one heck of a
lifetime scoring record and they're not even close to thinking about retiring
his . . . um . . . jersey.
She's shy.
It's not that she doesn't know anything about sexuality and male-female
relations--in a very unfortunate way she knows too much. She's in recovery
right now, looking for the right sort of situation so she can learn to be
herself again while coming to terms with her wrenching memories of being
forced.
Perhaps what she needs is a sensitive nurturing type who's seen his own share
of trouble. Someone who can fill the role of lover, analyst, and healer all
at once to help mend the cracks in her sexual/emotional psyche.
Guess who she runs into instead.
Will our gunslinger run up his score or will he get drafted for her team?
Can the hair of another dog help a bitten patient? On the couch of a.s.s.,
the treatment may well depend on who's playing doctor and who's on first.
You'll have to read `Therapy' by DG to find out more, but I can guarantee you
that it doesn't really have anything to do with sports, nor does anyone end
up bending over a medical textbook. However some bending over is involved,
along with an object shaped like a baseball bat.
This author writes extremely well. The protagonists appear compelling enough
to touch and the reader is immersed in just the right number and variety of
details required to make the scenes and the characters' reactions appear both
realistic and believable. Other than the possible addition of some internal
divisions in this lengthy story, I'm basically at a loss when it comes to
suggesting improvements to a virtually flawless implementation of an elegant
plot.
But there were two erroneous plays in this otherwise seductively realist
approach to the game of erotica. Can a rape victim achieve arousal by
recollecting her experience--albeit in a very unusual circumstance? If you
don't think the answer to that one is a no-brainer, let me disabuse you: no
connection whatsoever exists in the minds of a victim between sex and rape,
any more than there is something exciting to a man about the idea of having
his erect penis sliced up like a salami.
Most importantly the plot presumes that there are unique situations in life
in which forced sex can be viewed in a positive light. Nothing could be
farther from the truth. Sexual abuse is the proverbial ill wind that blows
no one any good.
Until the final scene I enjoyed the author's satirical sense of humor and the
professional quality of the writing immensely.
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
* "Escort Service" by Sexy 37 (trihole@ix.netcom.com). This story has
appeared variously as "Escort" and "Escort Service." The woman narrating this
story has a Real Oral Problem. She has tried and tried, but she cannot get a
cock big enough to satisfy her hungry mouth. The solution, of course, is to
sign up with an escort service to fulfill the needs of a young black athlete
who is coming to a college campus pursuant to a basketball scholarship. It
turns out that Al is a shy lad, who spends most of his time practicing his
craft and hitting the books; and so he has no real experience with
middle-aged white women who need to resolve their oral fixations. In
addition, his cock is monster only on the diameter side, just barely tipping 8
inches or so in length. In addition, he cums too quickly the first time....
In the end <g>, they hit if off pretty well. Of course, this whole affair
constitutes a NCAA rule violation, and no coach would ever permit it.
As I have said before, I get irritated with the stereotype of black men with
monster cocks. I realize that on this newsgroup penile immensity is a sign
of distinction and should be accepted as a form of flattery, but the
insinuation that black men in general are studs is perhaps a bit demeaning.
At least my brother-in-law, who is a black man, says so. He's also a deeply
religious person who thinks pornography is the bane of society, and so I
don't have too many direct conversations with him on the topic. However, my
sister has had intimate verbal and physical intercourse with him, and both
she and the scientific literature state that there is no significant
difference in size of sex organs between black and white males.
The lady in this story should consider other possible solutions to her
problem. First, she should consider the hypothesis that maybe the problem is
that her mouth is too big rather than that her husband's penis is too small.
In addition, she might consider dating white guys named Bubba with very tiny
necks, since what's missing from the neck often reappears in the penis - or
so I've heard.
Aside from offending my sociological sensibilities, this is actually a pretty
hot story.
Ratings for "Escort Service"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
* "He Doesn't (Love Her Like I Do)" by Uther Pendragon
(an569889@anon.penet.fi). This story is written from a most unusual
perspective - from the viewpoint of a dog who belongs to a young girl going
through adolescence. We see most of the sexual activity only indirectly - we
have to surmise it through the mind of the dog, who draws most of his
conclusions by looking and sniffing. The girl cries a lot, has different
smells on her fingers and in her crotch, and occasionally rubs bouillon into
her body for Wiggles to lick out while she moans gently. It must have been a
challenging task to write an entire story from this perspective; but the
author carries it off beautifully. I truly enjoyed this story.
Ratings for "He Doesn't (Love Her Like I Do)"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Winning Through Intimidation" by J. Boswell. Jim's long-lost brother
(actually cousin) comes to visit after an absence of nearly 20 years. He
fucks Jim's wife regularly during the week-long visit; and she loves it.
Jim's daughter Cindy also hastens to her uncle's bed. There's really not
much to this story - macho man humps wimp's wife and daughter while wimp
stands by; but it's well written and somewhat interesting story about
dysfunctional people.
Ratings for "Winning Through Intimidation"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
* "Vacation Doesn't Count" by J. Boswell. The title of this story is derived
from one of the few American aphorisms that has not been attributed to either
Mark Twain, Will Rogers, or Ben Franklin: "What happens on vacation doesn't
count when you get back to the `real world.'" I assume it was actually
Benjamin Disraeli who first spoke these words.
Sondra is a happily married mother of three who goes on vacation with her
husband and discovers that she enjoys showing off her body. Her husband eats
this action up. She takes part in a wet t-shirt contest with some college
kids, and her husband can hardly wait to get his dick into her. For an
encore she invites the four college kids staying at the cottage next door in
for some sex in the jacuzzi. Same reaction from hubby. And they go further
and further - in hotels, with limo drivers, etc. Every time, the sex is hot;
and the husband gets his piece right afterwards. I doubt that this sort of
thing really works out all this well in real life, but it certainly is an
interesting fantasy!
Grammar review! What's wrong with this sentence?
Always the perfect "lady," bordering on "prim and proper,"
I was looking forward to seeing my wife in the tiny bikinis
and revealing one-piece bathing suits she had purchased
for our trip.
Answer: It suggests that the narrator is part of a lesbian marriage. The
sentence begins with a misplaced modifier that gives this impression. A
problem with starting a story with bad grammar is that the policy is likely
to beget cynicism in the mind of the English teacher reviewing it. When the
narrator sees four college guys ogling his luscious wife who is sun bathing
au naturel, he describes it thus:
My cock had been rock hard for the hour, and now I
started to lightly caress it. I think it was only peer
pressure keeping the boys from doing the same.
There's nothing really all that bad about this sentence, but the reader who
is predisposed to think the author uses bad grammar is likely to say, "So
what? A little peer pressure on their cocks might feel pretty good under the
circumstances."
Having written those past few paragraphs, I can now justify this time as work
rather than recreation. I think I'll go get some recreation now.
Ratings for "Vacation Doesn't Count"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Ten Dollar Fine" or "You Ain't Never Gon' Forget" by Wollstonecraft
(an285729@anon.penet.fi). As the author says in the disclaimer, this is a
_very_ ugly story, but that's how the story wanted to be written. A budding
movie star named Mary Pickford had refused to pay a ten dollar fine in a
small southern town. She would just spend the next ten days in jail instead.
To her horror, she realizes that she is going to be raped. The sheriff
sends into the cell with her an unruly Black prisoner. Not wanting to get
pregnant by him, she tries to suck him dry, while the sheriff watches; but as
soon as the blow job is finished, the guy fucks her in the cunt as well. And
then the story gets really violent.
The author was right. This really is an ugly but well written story.
Ratings for "Ten Dollar Fine"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "The Fourth Ring" by Hunter Jackson (FDDH53D@prodigy.com). Sometimes when
I read these stories I talk back to the protagonists (inside my head, of
course). I say things like, if you have a wife with the hottest little ass
and cunt in town who is longing to be fucked but you're too dumb to notice
it, you deserve whatever happens to you. And if you're stupid enough to make
a bet with a super stud that he can't lay your wife - and if you do this not
one but three times - then you deserve to be relegated to a role in life of
licking the cum out of her cunt after she comes home late at night after
fucking him. And if you're still unwilling to admit defeat and demand proof,
then you deserve to be stashed in the bathroom while the two of them are
fucking their brains out in the bedroom right where you can see them. If you
can't get a personality that would demand a little attention from your wife,
then you don't deserve her. Those are some of the things that I might have
said to myself while I read this story. The title refers to how many times
the phone would ring if the guy managed to really stick it to the guy's wife.
Ratings for "The Fourth Ring"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Peach Pit After Hours" by Roger P. Tipe (rogrtipe@ix.netcom.com). Rocco
and his gang of thugs burst into the Peach Pit After Dark. Rocco puts a gun
to Brenda's head and tells Val to hand over all the money, or he'll blow
Brenda's brains out. Since Val doesn't like Brenda anyway, she replies ,
"Fuck you!" Not really wanting a murder rap, Rocco changes tactics and
announces that instead of killing Brenda he and the guys are going to rape
everyone unless Val turns over the money. This is supposed to scare Val, but
instead it turns her on; and besides, she likes the feeling of power and
control that Rocco has given her over her sexy little friends.
So what we have here is a prolonged gang rape, with 30 or so scuzzy gang
members banging the Beverly whores. Val herself escapes relatively
unscathed, but rumor has it that she'll get hers in the sequel. I guess as
gang-rape stories go this was a pretty good one. I think if I were a 90210
fan I might have caught some more of the allusions and enjoyed some inside
comments that I might have missed.
Ratings for "Peach Pit After Hours"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Stars in Our Eyes" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). As you may recall,
last week Mark Aster's "Coffee?" was the 1000th story I reviewed. His prize
was 31 days of sexual bliss with the partner(s) of his choice. This week he
notified me that he will be "on hiatus," unable to post stories for several
weeks. Coincidence? I think not!
In this week's episode Our Hero and the lovely and delectable Julie are
reclining together at a mountain campsite, looking at the stars and listening
in the dark while Ariana and Rachel make love nearby. Ariana is describing
her first sexual experience with a woman. Rachel is working her over even
while she narrates this story, and as Ariana's story and Rachel's
ministrations continue, the present events begin to impinge upon the
narrative of the past. Meanwhile, Our Hero and Julie are exchanging quiet
intimacies nearby. It's a restful, passionate sequence of events.
Several weeks ago I suggested that a different author "go check out Mark
Aster's stories" to learn how to make better word choices. That author's
problem, I thought, was that he/she used too many stereotypical adjectives.
My suggestion was that Mark Aster consistently refrained from using
stereotypical adjectives and often employed well-chosen metaphors in his
stories. Last week I reviewed a very good story by yet another author (M. M.
Twassel); and when I checked his Author Profile on Deja News, I discovered
that he had written a commentary on my advice regarding Mark Aster. This
other author (who also admired Mark Aster's stories) had done a thorough
analysis of Aster's stories, and had discovered that Mark did not use many
adjectives at all. Nor did he find an abundance of metaphors. Being busy, I
set this information aside until I read this week's story. As I read this
story, I looked for adjectives and metaphors. I was distracted by the fact
that the story was extremely erotic and that I myself have had some great
experiences at campsites under the stars; but I think I verified my opinion
of this author's style - even though I must also admit that my critic was
correct.
The word "cock" does not appear in this story, and so we don't get to find
out whether it was hard, throbbing, or erstwhile. (I just wanted to see if
that last word was in my spellcheck.) The story was also free of "pussy",
"cunt", and "clit". At this point I was beginning to wonder if this was
actually a sex story.
Here are some things the author does say: "I touched Julie's neck, and my
hand imagined the warm compact sweetness of her vulva." "Julie took my hand
in hers and rubbed it over the downy skin of her stomach as we lay
listening." "The warm womanness of her filled my palm, and she pressed
against my hand." "Julie opened her mouth and wriggled her hips as I slid one
finger into the moist heat of her vagina."
One of the main points of my original comment was to discourage unnecessary,
stereotypical use of adjectives like "hot," "throbbing" and "wet." The few
sentences I have cited here demonstrate that. If he doesn't need an
adjective, this author doesn't use one. In addition, he selects words
(adjectives or otherwise) that precisely say what he wants them to say.
As for metaphors, here's a simple one: "Rachel's head was between Ariana's
legs, and her tongue made soft sounds as it moved in and out, and Rachel's
fingers danced a dance of love." All I mean is that fingers don't really
dance, but the image of dancing fingers conjures up an almost poetic image
that gets the author's point across very nicely.
To be honest, when I recommended this author's prose to the other author,
what went through my mind was something like this: "Mark Aster's such a
damned good writer. Surely he must use adjectives and metaphors correctly.
I think I'll recommend him for this purpose." As I have examined this
present story more carefully, I think I was on the right track. To state it
more precisely, I think this author's main strength is his intelligent choice
of words and straightforward description of situations and activities that
beautifully convey the mood that he wants to share with us.
Having tried to wiggle off that hook (note my metaphor), let me suggest
another author for aspiring writers to imitate: Mary Anne Mohanraj. I find
her to be very similar to Aster with regard to choice of words and almost
poetic expression of ideas; but she's a lot more diverse in the types of
stories she's likely to write.
Ratings for "Stars in Our Eyes"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Wide Brown Eyes" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu). This
is a very good story - but it's not a really great SEX story. The plot does
contain sex, but it all occurs off-stage. The main focus of the story is on
the personality development of the central character, who reminisces about
her past while she does routine chores in the present and plans her future.
I once got in trouble from an intelligent but irate reader for leaving Mark
Aster's "Rocks" off my monthly Top 15 list. When I read that complaint, I
immediately checked my records. I had given the story straight 10's; my only
sin was in leaving it off the monthly list when there were plenty of other
stories that were at least equally good and more sexually explicit. Aster
had even apologized when sending the story to me, saying something like,
"This isn't really a sex story, but here it is anyway." There was no overt sex
in it; just personality development that made the adult activities of the
Allen Sisters more understandable. However, even though I stood by my
decision to leave that story off my monthly list, I had to agree with my
correspondent. Serious readers often find that complete, interesting details
do much more than "just" fill in background details. They make the full
story sexier; and taken in their full context, they can be pretty sexy
themselves.
Many of Mary Anne Mohanraj's stories are similar. They are not really as
appropriate for this newsgroup as they would be for a more general forum.
There's no good reason that the present story has to be hidden away with
other under-the-counter material that might scandalize innocent eyes. This
is a simple, straightforward, good story that alludes to sexual activity. I
was happy to have an opportunity to review it because (1) it is a good story
in its own right and (2) reading it made me feel I knew this author a little
better, and I like that feeling.
As for details of the plot - I can't give you any. She tells it better than
I can, and too much information would ruin the plot for you. This is another
good story.
Ratings for "Wide Brown Eyes"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Eyes of Satan" by Swoon Racers (IHYPNO@TIZ.EDU). When I first
approached this story. I thought it went a little too far. I am personally
skeptical of the notion that the ordinary college sophomore can go into the
library, read a book on hypnotism, and emerge as a genius hypnotist who is
capable of making any potential victim into his or her permanent sex slave.
Now this story was suggesting that a dog named Satan had the same kind of
power - and the dog didn't even have to read the book!
As I read the story, however, it won me over. Maybe I was hypnotized. What
I liked best about this story was the overall mood of relaxing seductiveness
that the author manages to convey through a combination of the language and
the story line.
Ratings for "The Eyes of Satan"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
--
+--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+
| story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us |
| Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ |
\ <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/> .../assm/faq.html> /