Message-ID: <2027eli$9707101718@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Archived-At: <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/Year97/2027.txt>
From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 197 - July 9
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d
Path: qz!not-for-mail
Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam
Approved: <usenet-approval@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded <story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Story-Submission: <story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Original-Message-ID: <970709101937_1345891410@emout13.mail.aol.com>
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 197 - July 9, 1997
Note: A man and his wife have been stranded on a deserted island for many
years. One day a new man washes up on shore. The new guy and the wife are
very attracted to each other right away, but realize certain protocols must
be observed. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there.
"Now we will be able to have three people doing 8 hour shifts in the
watchtower, rather than two people doing 12 hour shifts". The second man is
only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift.
He climbs up the tower and is standing watch. Soon the husband and wife
start placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second
man yells down, "Hey, no fucking". They yell back, "We're not fucking".
A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again
the second man yells down, "Hey, no fucking". Again they yell back, "We're
not fucking".
Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks.
Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no fucking". They yell
back, "We're not fucking!!"
Finally the shift is over so the second man climbs down from the tower and
the husband starts to climb up.
He's not even halfway up before the wife and second man are screwing each
other's brains out. The husband looks out from the tower and says,
"Son-of-a-bitch! From up here it DOES look like they're fucking!"
Second note: Taria and ButtBytr have been jousting poetically. Well, poetry
is not the real word for it - it's more like greeting card verse, except they
use expressions that are unfamiliar to Mr. and Mrs. Hallmark. The basic gist
is that Taria voiced a versified suggestion that if ButtBytr thinks it's so
much fun to fuck a lady's ass, then maybe he should be willing to be on the
receiving end of something like a red hot poker or a nice big dildo. I'm not
going to expand my operations to include "poetry" reviews, because I'd have
to write the review in rhyming couplets or iambic pentameter, and I can't do
that as quickly as these two. Taria has expanded the art form of her
broadsides to include limericks, haikus, and even rap poetry; but it looks
like she is losing interest in the battle, which ButtBytr seems to want to
personalize more than she does. I thought I should at least call this
escapade to your attention.
If you want actual poetry, an author named Jackie (who also wrote "Rock
Concert Coupling," which is reviewed below) has recently posted several
pretty good poems. What distinguishes her poetry from the versification
described in the preceding paragraph (which is fun in its own right) is that
Jackie actually tries to use metaphors and interesting word combinations as
well as rhymes in order to convey images and emotions. Some of her poems are
"Biking to New Highs," " Jamaican Ginger," and "A Dark Corner Table." She
may not be Robert Frost, but she leaves John Milton in the dust.
Third Note: Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
A: It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.
Fourth Note: In CR 193 I repeated the story about a man who was walking down
the street with his wife when they saw their neighbor (a very genial Jamaican
bloke) riding by on his bike. Suddenly the bike flipped and their poor
neighbor found himself spread eagled on the pavement.
The wife immediately said: "That black bloke's bike's back break block
broke."
I was amazed that British people can actually SAY things like that and
speculated about the problems that would have ensued had the Jamaican bloke
been a bleached blond. A correspondent called to my attention that this
sentence contains an error. Can you find it? The answer is that "break"
should be "brake." The reason I didn't find it was because I never got that
far in the sentence!
Fifth note: A problem with virtual communities is that real events happen to
the real people who comprise these communities, and it's often difficult to
know how to handle those events. For example, I know of people who write
these stories who have had serious illnesses and other tragedies in their
lives. I don't feel inclined to share this information publicly, because
that's not the purpose of this newsgroup. On the other hand, most of us are
ordinary people - pretty decent ordinary people - who would like to know when
important things happen to other members of this group.
Last week I had already written the review of Shelby Bush's "Brisco County,"
when I received a note from him asking me to pull the review because his wife
had died and he was not going to post the story. I removed the review but
have reinserted it today, because Shelby wrote and told me to go ahead. I
suppose maybe he just didn't want a bouquet of flowers at the funeral with a
note that said, "From the gang at a.s.s." For further details you should
check the prologue to "Brisco County." Besides bringing joy to our lives
with his own stories, Shelby has served as a mentor or conduit for several
other authors whose excellent stories probably would not have appeared here
without his prodding and assistance. Our thoughts and prayers should be with
him at a time like this.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Heart" by Brother Cadfael (passion) 10, 10, 10
"Without Looking" by L.D. Vixen (exhibitionist quickie)
10, 10, 10
"T'ANG JUNZI" by John Dark (oriental sex) 10, 10, 10
"Wives Prefer It Black" by J. Greenwald (black stud story)
7, 6, 5
"My Professor" by VirginLady (sex for grades) 10, 10, 10
"Black Sandwich" by J. Greenwald (black stud story) 8, 7, 6
"Helping the Homeless" by J. Greenwald (black stud story)
8, 5, 5
"The Outdoor Concert" by Unknown Author (nearly public
sex) 9, 10, 10
"Double the Pleasure" by Unknown Author (threesome)
9, 9, 9
"Miss Please and Miss Thankyou" by Anonymous (initiation
orgy) 9, 9, 9
"Brisco County: Brass Balls" by Shelby Bush (TV parody)
10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"The Book" by Slowhand Luke (teasing & romance)
7, 10, 10
"Private Room" by SpiraL (romantic sex) 5, 7, 7
"Babysitter Tales: Karen" by Daddy-O (foursome) 6, 7, 7
Reposted Reviews (because the stories have recently been reposted):
* "Rock Concert Coupling" by Jackie (outdoor orgy) 9, 10, 10
* "Tom's Birthday Surprise" by Tom (orgy) 9, 10, 10
* "Thanksgiving" by Tom (holiday orgy) 10, 10, 10
* "A Matter Of Curiosity" by James Charles Lynn (threesome)
10, 9, 10
"Heart" by Brother Cadfael (Brother_Cadfael@Earthcorp.com). This is a very
short piece that can best be described as a prose poem in which the male
narrator describes in vivid detail to the woman he loves what he would like
to do to her. It's very hot, pleasant, nice stuff.
Ratings for "Heart"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Without Looking" by L.D. Vixen (Kristen's Archive). For reasons that will
become obvious, this extremely short story was posted under the heading
"Ooops!" The narrator is standing at the pay phone, waiting for Rick to
arrive to pick her up. It's fun to be picked up on the corner: she likes to
pretend he is a stranger. He arrives suddenly from behind and takes her fast
and hard, while his fingers tease her nipples and his tongue plunders her
ear. Can you believe it? They fuck right there in the phone booth! Ooops!
Guess what!
Ratings "Without Looking"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"T'ANG JUNZI" by John Dark (john_dark@anon.nymserver.com). This was a later
arrival for the Second Third Annual Celestial Short Story Contest. It
wouldn't have won first prize, but it IS a very nice little story. Pear
Blossom is a virgin in the household of the inscrutable and despotic Wang.
She is shy and demure, and he likes her and asks her to visit him later.
It's a little more complex than that, but you'll have to read the story for
the details.
Ratings for "T'ANG JUNZI"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Wives Prefer It Black" by J. Greenwald (j_greenwald@nevermind.com). Stories
labeled "interracial" often bewilder me. In CR 194 I reviewed "Between the
Races" by Radioman. In that story Jerry obviously got off on the notion that
the lady he was making love to was black, but it was not as if blackness was
an oddity of some sort. Likewise, Maleeka was obviously aware that Jerry was
white, but it was not as if she was merging with the master race by being
allowed to have sex with him. "Between the Races" was a really nice,
intelligent story.
This story is quite different. The author is interested in demonstrating the
generalization that white women like to make love to black men, who call the
women "'hoes" and treat them with contempt but fuck them wonderfully with
their monster 10-inch cocks. In this story the woman sees a well-hung black
man in a porn theater, sits down next to him, grabs his 10-incher, and
invites him to their van with her husband and herself. In the van on the way
to his apartment she discovers that "black cock cream tastes real good." She
calls him "Master" while she licks "every reminent of cum off of his cock."
The first black guy has two black friends who also have monster cocks and
buckets of cum. Of course, all of this excites the limp-dicked white husband
tremendously. There's another subplot, but I think I've told you enough
about this story.
Another interesting facet of this story is its abundant use of apostrophes
with possessive pronouns (our's, her's, etc.) - there ain't no such thing.
Ratings for "Wives Prefer It Black"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Black Sandwich" by J. Greenwald (j_greenwald@nevermind.com). This is
another story in this author's interracial series. This time the white man
and his girlfriend get the black stud by advertising in a swingers' magazine.
Frank has the traditional black monster cock, but he has the unusual habit
of referring to the white woman as "whore" instead of "'ho" while reaming out
her pussy, ass, or mouth. Like most white husbands and boyfriends, the
narrator enjoys this action immensely and cums in buckets. A good time is
had by all.
Ratings for "Black Sandwich"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Helping the Homeless" by J. Greenwald (j_greenwald@nevermind.com). What's a
crusade for racial justice without tackling the issue of homelessness? In
this episode of the author's epic interracial series the narrator and his
38D-25-36, twenty-one-year-old wife happen to be copulating in an alley when
they realize that they are being observed by a black derelict who has passed
out from drinking cheap wine. {The white folks are from Down South. We know
this because they say "inside of" and "beside of." Dialect often plays an
important role in these stories.} The wife decides she wants to hire a wino
to decorate their home. No, they don't give the poor drunk a job or even
invite him to live with them, but they do make him a regular sex partner for
the wife.
Now here's the part I don't understand. The wino, being black, has a monster
cock - "at least twelve inches long and about twice the thickness of an
average cock." That part I do understand. But because of the immensity of
the black gentleman's tool, they have to use not one but TWO condoms to cover
the entire thing. Now I ask you - how does that work? As I understand it,
the man and woman roll the guy onto his back and ease a condom down onto his
cock, but because it's twice the size of the anemic white guy's cock, the
condom covers only half of it. Therefore, they get out another condom and
use that one to cover the other half of the cock! What am I missing here?
Unless they hacked off the guy's joystick and started from the other end,
wouldn't we just have one condom exactly on top of the other?
The woman gets pregnant by the black derelict. They don't do anything silly
like help him get into rehab or let him move into their house. She just
trots off to the alley to fuck with the guy and leaves him money to buy
slightly more expensive wine, I suppose. The husband doesn't mind, because
the monster cock warms up his wife's gash for him every night.
As I have mentioned before, interracial sex is a sensitive subject to me,
because my sister is married to a black man. My brother-in-law's cock is
about the same size as my husband's. I know this by indirect comparison - I
got my sister drunk and we talked about sex and the subject just came up -
er, the TOPIC was discussed. My brother-in-law is a very straight person and
would hate this story, but he'd hate any pornography, because he has
religious objections to it. I think he would be offended by the notion that
black men are presented as some sort of animal in these stories; but he might
be missing the point. These stories are really a subset of the wife-slut
genre. The guys who fuck the sluts are really heroes, and black men should
feel honored that their brethren (usually referred to as bros) are cast in
this role. Or so I'm told.
Ratings for "Helping the Homeless"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"My Professor" by VirginLady (VirginLady@cbn.net.id). This is a well written
story. It even uses the word "sycophant" correctly. That word has never
been used in any of the other stories I have read - perhaps because most of
the ass-kissing in these stories is more literal than metaphorical. Imagine
that.
Anyway, the narrator is a bright young college student whose English teacher
is a prick who won't give her the A that she deserves; so she goes to his
house to discuss the matter with him. So - is she going to fuck his brains
out to get her grade? Or is there another possibility. Take a look at the
story yourself. I have grave doubts that this plan would really work. In
real life this sort of thing happens about as often as a student says, "Sir,
are there any more poems by John Milton that I can read in my free time?" But
it's still a very good story.
Ratings for "My Professor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Outdoor Concert" by Unknown Author (THC Archive). It's probably not a
really awful idea for a woman to let her husband fondle her and practically
bring her to orgasm in a really crowded bus, especially if nobody else can
see what's happening; but if a woman does this, she should at least be aware
that a forward thrust from her husband in front my cause her buttocks to move
away and into a cock behind her and that this buttockal movement might be
considered an invitation by the recipient of the embuttment, who quite likely
would return force with force. In such a case the woman would be in the
uncomfortable position of having dry intercourse with someone she has never
even seen. In addition, once the bus arrives at the concert, if a woman
decides to give a hand job to the person standing behind her in the crowd,
she should probably verify that this person is actually her husband, at least
if that's who she thinks it is. Finally, in the car on the way home while
she is seated in the front seat with a good friend while the husband is
snoozing in the back seat, the woman should at least corroborate that her
husband is really asleep before she gives the driver a blowjob or be willing
to accept her husband's approach from behind while she fulfills her oral
responsibilities to the driver.
This story has some flaws. For example, if I were writing the story, I would
leave out some of the hints that it might not be her husband whom she is
finger fucking at the concert; I'd let her (and the reader) assume without
obvious hints that it's her husband and then be surprised later. In
addition, the grammar limped a little. However, this was still a very hot
story. For a story with a similar theme, see "Rock Concert Coupling," the
review of which I'll post later in this issue.
Ratings for "The Outdoor Concert"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Double the Pleasure" by Unknown Author (Bolebec Repost). When Karen comes
home, she finds Erin with her tongue licking the final drops of cum off
Blaine's cock. Erin thinks all hell is going to break lose, but Blaine
pacifies everyone by suggesting that all three simply get naked together. A
good time is had by all. Not exactly an original plot, but still pretty hot!
Ratings for "Double the Pleasure"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Miss Please and Miss Thankyou" by Anonymous (THC Archives). The author
could probably get in trouble for telling this story: I think this kind of
stuff is supposed to be secret, like the Knights of Columbus handshake. What
this story does is disclose what goes on at those secret fraternity
initiations! Imagine that.
It's really quite simple. There are three people. Pledge Hardon is required
to please Miss Please - repeatedly. Miss Thankyou will thank Pledge Hardon
each time he pleases Miss Please. It may be redundant to say this, but
Pledge Hardon pleases Miss Please by making her cum, and Miss Thankyou thanks
him by making him cum. That's not hard, is it?
Of course, the loophole is that since all three are apparently being
initiated they could simply conspire to lie about who's pleasing and thanking
whom. But they don't think of that, and they fuck their mutual brains out
all night long. Suckers!
Ratings for "Miss Please and Miss Thankyou"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Brisco County: Brass Balls" by Shelby Bush (stbush@iglou.com). Brisco
County is not a place; it's the name of a main character in a weekly
television show that ran in America a few years ago. It was a pretty good
show that didn't catch on, and it died after just one season. As he does
with his other Porno TV stories, the author supplies further details about
the show during a "commercial break." This story overlaps slightly with the
author's recent "Maverick" and "Have Gun, Will Travel" stories. Finally, the
story includes a science fiction element (the orb) from the "Brisco County"
series. Although I was not familiar with this concept myself, it made
perfect sense to me, and I thought the author used the orb very creatively in
this story. Although this story appears to remain faithful to the original
series, I think even people who have never seen that show can enjoy this one.
Brisco and Bowler are bounty hunters, experiencing adventures while they try
to get their man in the western U.S. in the 1890's. This story follows the
series pattern: a main storyline with numerous subplots. It diverges from
the TV series in that some of the subplots include explicit sex. In addition,
this story contains one sentence that must have been spoken many a time in
the Wild West but has never appeared in any TV western: "I need to take a
whiz."
I am not going to try to summarize the story any further here. I'll just
point out that if you call this a sex story, the emphasis should be more on
story than on sex. The sex, when it occurs, is very good, and it fits in
nicely with the plot.
Ratings for "Brisco County"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
The following Guest Review was written by Fiddler, who has written several
stories for this newsgroup.
"The Book" by Slowhand Luke (slowhand@dial.pipex.com). This is a new story
rather than one of the several other stories with the same name. In this
one, the hero is startled to find an erotic book on his girlfriend's shelves.
Rejecting his suggestion that she hide that sort of book, she suggests that
he read it to her.
He does, with predictable consequences. There are no surprises in this
story, just hot teasing leading to hot gratification. A fine time is had by
all, including the reader. The sex in this story is as explicit as any in
the "mindless fuck" stories, but you end up liking and respecting the couple.
The single problem is that the writing is marred by bloopers. "Hef" for her
and "unerneath" are not errors of spelling so much as typing. This sentence
-- and not only its spelling -- would have been caught by a proofreader:
"Returning from the kitchen, Katie passed me a glass of wine then passed up
the opportunity to sit next to me as I had hoped, electing to arrange herself
prettily in the armchair opposite instread, with her legs tucked up
underneath her."
Slowhand is too good a writer to allow this sort of error to mar his works.
I suggest that he ask Celeste to connect him to a proofreader. I asked, and
it helped marvelously.
The sentence is not typical of his writing, and the pleasure of the story
comes through despite it.
(Personal note: Piper has caught a lot of flack for the review *I* wrote of
Taria's "Through the Looking-Glass." Say what you want about my reviews, but
spell my name correctly. -- Fiddler)
Ratings for "The Book"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 10
Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 10
The following is a BluePencil Guest Review:
"Private Room" by SpiraL (spiral@spiralzone.com). SpiraL has reposted a
number of stories to alt.sex.stories recently. Many, including this one, are
lightly adapted cybersex sessions.
The basic storyline is, for a.s.s, quite tame: a lovemaking session between
two consenting adults in the privacy of their home. The sex is warm,
friendly, and unhurried; the story - vignette rather - just a frame to
contain it.
Though the second-person narrative form probably works well for private
cybersex sessions, it is rather distracting in a story. It may be a personal
quirk, but I find it jarring enough to prevent me from fully entering the
story. Most sentences start with either "I" or "You"; in a conversation this
may be a necessity, but in a story they are an unnecessary handicap that
works against the storyteller's rule-of-thumb "Show, don't tell."
Though the grammar and spelling are both reasonably good, the story is rife
with formatting errors, enough that I suspect that many of the grammatical
flaws that I found were caused by poor formatting rather than the author's
intent. Despite the revision history and the label "complete" she gave it,
the story still feels rough and unfinished.
I didn't expect the review to sound this negative. Despite the flaws, I
found myself enjoying the story. However, if she had recast it into either
first-person or third-person form and worked on her formatting, I would have
enjoyed it much more. SpiraL has demonstrated in some of her other stories
that she can handle a credible first-person narrative, and has all the other
skills needed to be an excellent writer. I'd be very interested in seeing a
revised version of "Private Room"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot and character): 7
BluePencil (appeal to reviewer): 7
The following Guest Review was written by MsV, who has posted several stories
under a different name with this newsgroup.
"Babysitter Tales : Karen" by Daddy-O (cjburke@servtech.com). I usually enjoy
any kind of fantasy (or reality) that involves more than two people. So,
when the couple head out for the night, the references to a possible
threesome caught my interest. Unfortunately there was a major distraction
right from the start. Typos! I had to finally drop it into my word
processor and spell check it before I felt I could read it properly. Well
over 2 dozen typos later I felt I could have another shot at it. There were
still a few errors that could have been caught perhaps by a second read
through of the story (pooped/popped comes to mind). Some of the descriptions
struck me as odd - breasts like navel oranges, and I've always had a thing
about talking about cocks in inches, but there were some very good
descriptive phrases too.
The story is about a couple, who while out for the evening, discuss the
possibility of a initiating a threesome with the 16 year old babysitter.
When they return home they catch her in a compromising position with her
boyfriend. Mock anger on the part of the couple quickly turns into a
foursome. Once the action starts, it's fairly hot. I do sometimes lose
track of who is who, but that is often a problem of group stories. Let's
face it, a tumble of bodies is one of the appealing things about group sex
stories. What I really want to know is why I never had so much fun getting
caught with someone while babysitting?
(I'm not sure if you are going to rank them, or if I'm supposed to - this is
the part I had the most trouble with. I don't want to completely slam it,
I've seen worse.)
Ratings for "Babysitter Tales : Karen"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 7
Smith (appeal to reviewer): 7
* "Rock Concert Coupling" by Jackie (an338903@cris.com). This story is
written from the perspective of a horny 14-year-old girl. She and her
boyfriend meet in the midst of a crowd at a rock concert; and parental fears
about the orgies that occur at rock concerts are fulfilled. The sex is hot.
In fact, the sexual enthusiasm spreads like a fever to the other members of
the surrounding crowd, and soon we have a small orgy on our hands. I don't
for a moment believe that any responsible young people actually carry on like
this. After all, I was present at Woodstock along with 4 million other
sex-crazed kids, and nothing happened. We just held hands and sang along
with the guy playing the accordion. All kidding aside (sorta), even if we
agree that it would be a really bad idea to fuck in a public place like this,
I think we can also admit that this is a really good depiction of the
fantasies of a young adolescent girl. I know I have had almost this same
adolescent fantasy, but I was 37 at the time
One of the few flaws in this story occurred in the first paragraph, where the
narrator referred to her "unrelentless" craving for her boyfriend. There's
no such word. It's either "unrelenting" or "relentless." I also question
the use of the phrase "unable to contain my pent-up lust any longer" after
the girl has already had at least one resounding orgasm and started to give
the guy head in the middle of the crowd. I think we're already beyond
pent-up.
The author concludes by asking if readers would like to see this story
continue. It may surprise you to know that my answer is NO. I would prefer
that the author hack off the last paragraph, replace it with a different line
or two to end the story, and then write a second story. Authors should
resist the urge to ruin a good thing by prolonging it too long. I want more,
but not necessarily a continuation of this same story.
The moral of this story, of course, is always carry some tissue paper in your
purse in case the guy doesn't like the taste of his own cum and you want to
French kiss him after having oral sex in public. I think the author got this
suggestion from either Miss Manners or that advice column in Seventeen
Magazine.
Ratings for "Rock Concert Coupling"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Tom's Birthday Surprise" by Tom (laddie@anon.nymserver.com). This author
used to be Tom in Sacramento. Now he's just Tom. It's good to see him
resurface at his new address. I hope he plans to write some new stories
soon. Unless I'm mistaken, this story was originally entitled "Tom's Birthday
Surprise."
This is a really hot story about a man whose wife gives him a birthday
present consisting of an orgy with herself and two women that she knows he
really likes. I'm not going to tell you the details - you can read them for
yourself. Although this story has minor flaws, it is almost non-stop hot
sex. However, since I know that many people read these reviews to improve
their own writing, let me take two paragraphs to point out how this story
could be improved.
There are two problems with this story. First, the tenses are messed up.
The author obviously intended to write in the present tense, but he
frequently switches back and forth between the present and the past. (Note
that I also have changed tenses in this very paragraph, but I have done so
correctly.) This inappropriate switching of tenses is an annoyance to the
reader. Even more importantly, it throws away verb tense as a useful tool in
the story. Because of the author's carelessness, the reader is forced to
assume that all tenses are really the same. Therefore, if the author really
does want to convey the notion that one action came before another, he has no
easy way to do this.
The second problem arises from the discussion of emotions and motivations
during the story. In the middle of really hot sexual activity - I think two
of the female protagonists had already had two orgasms apiece and the man was
building to a earth-shattering climax of his own {Ooops! Maybe that was me!}
- they all pause and discuss how good it felt and wonder whether it would be
OK for Tom to stick his cock up Barbara's ass. Everyone agrees that this
would be emotionally fulfilling and wonderful, and the action resumes. I
understand the author's motivation - he was trying to show us that these are
four sensitive people having non-destructive group sex; but the pause in the
action didn't quite ring true. At a time like this it would have been better
to focus more on action and less on words - as the song says: "A little less
talk and a lot more action."
Both of these problems could be overcome by better proofreading. The author
was simply too close to the story to see what was wrong. Recently, I posted
my own story ("Virtuous Reality"). I think mine was a good story; and I am
certain that it was a much better story after I received and reacted to
feedback from two skilled readers. I have no way to enforce such
suggestions, but I would like to urge this writer (as well as the writers of
many other stories) to incorporate improvements into their texts when they
repost these stories.
Ratings for "Birthday Massage"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* Thanksgiving" by Tom (laddie@anon.nymserver.com). Ann is a mild mannered
former toxicologist who is now a dance therapist and active member of the
local PTA. She has a great ass and a pussy whose fragrance automatically
generates erotic thoughts, even when one's face is not nicely nuzzled where
it fits best. She is married to Tom, the narrator of the story, a handsome
chap who is a journalist. Jerry, a brilliant scholar and sexy lawyer, was
the narrator's closest friend in college and has become like a brother-in-law
to Ann. The kids have gone away for Thanksgiving, and Jerry is visiting the
couple for Thanksgiving and has brought with him Sue, a professional masseuse
who is at least as attractive as Ann. I can identify with these people.
The story opens with Ann and Sue walking ahead of the guys on the beach,
gently swaying their cute little asses. (I hope that misplaced modifier
aroused you as much as it did me.) From this point you can probably guess at
least the general outline of the rest of the story; but the tale is
delightfully told, and the fact that you can guess what's going to happen
will not diminish your enjoyment of this story. And besides, there are some
surprises.
Now I have a confession to make - two confessions actually. Although I write
these reviews and have become a bit of an expert or at least a connoisseur of
sexual acrobatics, I have never engaged in an orgy and probably never will.
My husband and I both understand the intense stimulation and sense of
freedom that would be present if we did it with another couple, but we also
see the value of the one-to-one intimacy that we share and don't want to do
anything to risk losing this. Nevertheless, I really enjoy picturing in my
mind stories like this - even while I am making love to my husband
Which brings me to my second confession. Between the first and second
paragraphs of this review, I field tested this story. I can now verify (1)
that it is possible to come to mutual orgasm with a spouse by relating the
basic events of this story by the fireplace - although it may be necessary to
alter the plot to include a bank teller; and (2) that a focus on one part of
this story seems to greatly increase the probability that the male partner
will have a roaring second orgasm. Go figure!
As I was reading this story, I couldn't help thinking that it reminded me of
several of the stories written by SueNH. This is ironic; but you'll have to
read the whole story and be at least remotely familiar with the writings of
Sue to see the reason for this irony. I really enjoyed this story - and so
did my husband, even though he hasn't had time to read it yet.
Ratings for "Thanksgiving"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "A Matter Of Curiosity" by James Charles Lynn (Ole Joe Repost). Debi has
been contemplating having sex with another woman, but she wants John to come
along as a sort of security blanket. All goes well, but then Amy (the other
woman) realizes that John may be feeling lonely; and so she finds a way to
rectify that situation. They eventually become happy hedonists, much like
the people in "The Trinity Trilogy" series.
While recognizing the rough spots that are likely to occur in such a
threesome, this story still manages to present some really hot sex in a
plausible context. As I have said in the past, I can think of lots of
reasons for not doing things like this, but the notion that it doesn't sound
like fun is not one of my reasons.
Ratings for "A Matter Of Curiosity"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
--
+--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+
| story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us |
| Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ |
\ <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/> .../assm/faq.html> /