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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 192 - June 21
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 192 - June 21, 1997
Note: Here's a very short story that arrived too late to be considered for
the Second Third Annual Celestial Short Story Contest. It's by a person who
doesn't want to be associated with this group. Its title is "Energizer
Bunny."
The world was stunned by the news, today, of the death of the Energizer
Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred at
approximately 8:42 pm last evening.
Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and going and going,
"Pinkie," as he was known to his friends and relatives, was alone at the
time of death.
An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief Medical Examiner, Dura
Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by
sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone had put Mr. Bunny's batteries
in backwards, and he kept coming, and coming and coming...
Second note: Remember the Blow Job Principle: We are in danger of losing some
of our best authors. I am aware of at least two people who say they are
ready to throw in the towel simply because they get so little feedback from
readers. If you rarely or never respond to authors, then THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
What in the world do you think keeps an author going? You can call it ego or
whatever you want to call it. I call it the Blow Job Principle. Simply
stated, if a person expects to get a second blow job, the recipient should
make the giver glad to have performed the first. Applied to these stories,
if you like a story, take the trouble to say so.
Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to improve.
If they give up and go away, that's fine with me. But there are good
writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others who will do so,
because there's nothing in it for them.
I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors. But if you enjoy a story
that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the author some
feedback? I don't think most authors want idle flattery; but they write
stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction - for example, they
may want to make people happy. They'll never know they have succeeded unless
somebody tells them so.
Third note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Claire Wanted It" by MrSpraycan (bondage) 9, 8, 6
"Twist" by Seurat (short femdom stories) 10, 10, 10
"Getting Lucky" by Dafney DeWitt (con game for sex)
10, 10, 10
"Hot Throbbing Cliches!" by Deekoo L. (humor) 9, 8, 10
"Teacher" by Anne018 (hot ff sex) 10, 10, 10
"Alt.Gilligan's Island" by Leo Sanderson (sitcom parody)
8, 10, 10
"Lunchtime Vignette" by Rajah Dodger (D&s) 10, 9, 9
"Shagger" by BronwenSM (prostitute humor) 10, 8, 8
"Shelly's Trial" by Mike Hunt (sexy court proceedings)
10, 10, 10
"Juan Carlos, King of Spain" by Walter Mitty (exotic
threesome) 9.5, 10, 10
* "Oh What a Trip" by James Boswell (spouse watching)
9, 7, 5
* "Marie" by Friar Dave (emerging adolescence) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted).
"Claire Wanted It" by MrSpraycan (mrspraycan.an@edtec.com). Claire's friends
have laid firm grasp to her and are waving handcuffs in front of her. She
screams for them to let her go, but they have her boyfriend's word for it,
and her personal journal: Claire wants this to happen to her. This can either
be the most humiliating and frightening experience of her young life, or a
fantastic liberation. Since the other three women are all teachers, Claire
realizes she had better do as they say. Teachers always do what's best for
you. We don't actually get to see the main humiliation - just the plans
Claire's coven of friends make for her.
I guess if you think pain and humiliation are really sexy, you might really
enjoy this story. I found it to be much ado about nothing. I couldn't
decide whether the author expected me to regard Claire's friends as people
with twisted personalities who either really dislike Claire or to think that
it makes sense to carry out in public fantasies that are obviously ludicrous.
I do NOT think that people who write or enjoy stories like this necessarily
have emotional problems, but people who act this way in real life would
certainly deserve help rather than cooperation.
Ratings for "Claire Wanted It"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Twist" by Seurat (dantedibby@aol.com). This is a collection of twenty very
short stories, all of them with an interesting twist of some kind (hence, the
title). Some of them I reviewed for my Second Third Annual Celestial Story
Contest. My favorite (slightly over 800 words - therefore not a qualifier
for the Contest) was Number XX, which deals satirically with the problems
inherent in being a mistress with slaves for whom one is responsible.
Ratings for "Twist"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Getting Lucky" by Dafney DeWitt (dafneydewitt@juno.com). Fuller has a
foolproof plan for getting free sex from hookers in Las Vegas. He
realistically fakes having a winning lottery ticket. Then he lets her ("the
mark," I guess) see the winning ticket by letting her be present when he
fakes the win. Then he enjoys the sex, pretends to fall asleep, and lets her
steal the ticket. Only a really foolish prostitute would pass on this
opportunity. What could go wrong with a perfect plan like that? OK, so what
could go wrong after that went wrong? OK, so what could go wrong after that
went wrong? OK....
This author's stories are invariably well written. Recently this author has
posted several stories with a con game focus. This is by far the best of
that series.
Ratings for "Getting Lucky"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Hot Throbbing Cliches!" by Deekoo L. (tpyb@extractor.com). This was
described in the alphabet soup on the title line as [mff, parody]. "Mff" is
also what Kelli said while she tried to suck dry the narrator's engorged rod
in her luscious mouth. I feel awkward taking this story so seriously. This
story is not very realistic: there are no 17-year-old nuns; and even if there
are a few of them and even if these happen to be sex crazed, none of them
would be named Sister Mary-World; and even if one does have that name, she
wouldn't piss on Kelli's foot while she {to whomever that refers - how's that
for correct but awkward grammar?} is trying to swallow a 16-inch cock, even
if one exists.
I have trouble rating humorous stories that base part of their humor on being
deliberately bad. If this story is this bad by accident, I apologize and
wish sweet dreams to the author. Otherwise, I recommend this as a very funny
mmffff parody.
Ratings for "Hot Throbbing Cliches!"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Teacher" by Anne018 (Anne018bi@aol.com). One of my favorite approaches for
hot sex stories is to have two scenes going at one time. Mark Aster does
this by having Our Hero make love to one of the Allen sisters while the other
sister has passionate sex nearby with someone else. The author alternates
between descriptions of both couples, and often the participants are
motivated by something one of the others does. Many authors achieve a
similar effect by focusing on voyeurism: one couple gets hot and bothered
while watching another couple making love. Plainman sometimes has three
sequences nested in his narratives.
The present story uses a similar technique: While Anne is taking a walk with
Sandy, she describes to Sandy her experience of visiting another person to
help that person and a friend get over a cold feet problem during their
first-time lesbian tryst. While you and I read the story, we get turned on
by the hands-on assistance Anne offers to the other couple; and meanwhile
Sandy has removed her top, her nipples have hardened, they have reached a
quiet place by the lake, and my pussy is becoming moist. In other words, the
author combines the two sets of activities very effectively, and the effect
on the reader can be very nice indeed.
In short, at the most intense point of action, Anne is watching the two
novices and is getting all turned on, while she is fingering her pussy and
giving them instructions. Those two people are lost in heavenly rapture.
Sandy, who is getting hot and bothered listening to Anne retell this story,
begins to respond by removing some of her clothes and becoming increasingly
intimate with the storyteller. Anne is getting turned on both by recalling
the original incident and by what Sandy is doing to her. As the story
continues, these different storylines combine and interact. Meanwhile, I as
the reader, am experiencing all of the above.
Like I said, it's an interesting approach.
One thing that I found to be really irritating in this story is that both the
person to whom Anne is narrating this story and one of the novices to whom
Anne gave instructions are named Sandy. In real life this could happen, of
course; but in fiction, why not help the reader out by using two different
names? Occasionally, I would hear someone asking, "Did Sandy do this?"
Sometimes I had to stop and think which Sandy was talking. In general,
however, the context helped me out, so that this wasn't as big a problem as
it might have been. My advice to the author is to use the Replace function
on her word processor to change the novice Sandy to Penelope or Rachel or
maybe even Yvette.
Ratings for "Teacher"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Alt.Gilligan's Island" by Leo Sanderson (leonsan@rocketmail.com). I guess I
haven't given it all that much thought, but those people from the Three Hour
Ride must have eventually been on that island for nearly 10 years. The
author of this story assumes that clothing rots away over a period of 10
years and that a person who does all the shit work for everyone else might
develop quite a physique as a result of the physical activity. He also makes
the perhaps tenuous assumption that Gilbert (!) Gilligan has a ten-inch
penis. Well, to make a short story even shorter, Mary Ann and Ginger decide
to have fun with Gilligan and the Skipper. 'Nuff said.
Ratings for "Alt.Gilligan's Island"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Lunchtime Vignette" by Rajah Dodger (rdodger@hotmail.com). Are there really
guys in the world that would show up for a lunchtime appointment with a woman
who is going to essentially torture them and send them back to work? I was
going to further ask whether there are woman who would actually enjoy doing
this, but I know the answer to the second question is yes. However, they are
not very nice women.
Ratings for "Lunchtime Vignette"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Shagger" by BronwenSM (bronwensm@cuckoo.clara.net). This is more of an
elaborate humorous anecdote than a short story. While they are visiting New
York, Shagger and his mates {Brit term for blokes who are friends} get high
on coke and Shagger decides he wants a great-big-black-hooker. So they play
a joke on Shagger, but he still gets the best fucking blow-job he ever had.
As I read this story, I said to myself, "This is plausible enough to be
true." I later received a note from the author that said that really was the
case.
Ratings for "Shagger"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
The following is a Special Guest Review by Piper (a regular contributor to
a.s.s. under another name).
"Juan Carlos, King of Spain" by Walter Mitty (wwmitty@aol.com). His
highness, King Juan Carlos, Sovereign Ruler over the lands of Spain, is
entertaining himself with his favorite concubine, Serrafina, Queen of the
Gypsies. A visitor enters his court. No, not a visitor. A prisoner. It is
the beautiful Isabella, his captive princess, come to pay her respects. She
is greeted warmly, yet with reserve, for a king must not show eagerness. He
must rule with a firm hand and a firm staff. Rising gracefully, he extends
his hand ...
"Hey Mitty, you still with us?" Jessica, Walter's wife, a.k.a. Serrafina,
breaks him out of his little daydream. Again. Isabella, Serra's (Jessica's)
friend from college, is visiting for a week. There is no question of her
looking like a queen, however, with her bountiful breasts, narrow waist, and
generous bottom. Walter starts drifting again...
In this story, Walter Mitty is the narrator. His favorite fantasy, if you
hadn't guessed it already, is that he's the King of Spain and his wife is
guess-who. He can also drift off into fantasy land at the least provocation.
One of his secret desires is to have a threesome with another woman. After
all, he reasons, haven't all the Kings of Spain had mistresses? His wife,
however, has been against the idea. Walter doesn't really blame her either.
After all, he wouldn't want to share their bed with another man.
Things can change. Seeing Isabella brings back fond memories for Jessica,
memories of some wild times the two women shared back in their school days.
That, a few joints, and a couple of bottles of Merlot, sets the stage for a
dream come true, and is the start of a pretty good story. Walter indulges in
his fantasies as both women indulge in themselves and in him.
This is a quiet, gentle kind of story, one to make you happy and warm. While
fuzzy and euphemistic in some places and graphic and detailed in others, the
author does a nice job of balancing the fantasy elements with the reality of
having three in a bed. A good read for late at night snuggled up close to
someone. The only thing that disturbs the easy flow of Mitty's narration is
an occasional language or word error. There aren't many, but they're kind of
like potholes in an otherwise smooth road, jarring and unexpected. Things
like "wive's" rather than "wife's". I admit, this is a minor quibble, but a
good story like this deserves to have that last little bit of polish.
Thanks, Mitty.
Rating:
Technical merit 9.5
Plot & character 10
Appeal to reviewer 10
"Shelly's Trial" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). The author introduced the
eponymous but enticing Shelly in "Shelly's Sex Life" reviewed in CR 188. If
you missed that story, you should find it and read it before this one.
Otherwise you're stuck with the author's two-bit synopsis to bring you up to
date.
The narrator's sex education program has been successful, and Shelly has
become a veritable sex kitten for her husband. However, since he's a simple
minded financial genius, he has suspected that there must be a reason for the
change in his wife and has become upset over her "infidelity" (which was
really sexual therapy) and is suing for divorce. The plot evolves through
courtroom testimony. A particularly interesting device (for storytelling,
that is) is the courtroom transcript, which is read by one of those sexy
young ladies who so often serve as civil servants in American courtrooms and
engage in mild bondage with judges and witnesses during recesses.
Incidentally, this stenographer eventually turns the tables on Mike - er,
the desk - that is, she turns Mike on the desk- you know: one of those
rolltop desks that sometimes have handcuffs in one of the draws.
I am not going to summarize this story any further. I am not even going to
explain the meaning of this line: "Then you're going to eat my cunt while I
blow MIKE HUNT." Read it yourself and enjoy it!
This story fulfilled one of my fantasies. I love it when this happens. The
author fed me a straight line. At the end of the story, the author has ten
Notes to Authors, which contain information and advice based on the main text
of the story. Well, it almost makes me cum when I say this, but I have an
eleventh note for this author. #11 Note to Authors #11: "I like my sex
gentle and consentual." It's consensual, not consentual. Consensual means
that the person doing it has given her/his consent. Consentual is actually a
word and has a similar meaning but implies a formal, legally binding
agreement. I've read this author's stories. Mike Hunt has never had
consentual sex in his life - except, perhaps, for a few minor exceptions with
his lovely wife, June.
I continue to be impressed by the creativity of this author!
Ratings "Shelly's Trial"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Oh What a Trip" by James Boswell (skipper@usa.pipeline.com). This is
billed by the author as "Another Hot Wife Tale." Because several other
authors mentioned Boswell as an inspiration for one or another of their own
stories, I downloaded several of his stories; and I have not yet regretted
it. The grammar in this story is screwed up on purpose - the narrator is
supposed to be talking like a stereotypical hillbilly from North Carolina,
probably somewhere near Mayberry R.F.D. The author carries this off nicely.
The gist of the plot as that some Yankee preppies come Down Home and start
lusting after the narrator's frisky young wife. Though she loves her husband
with endless devotion, she offers to frolic in the sack with one of these
gents, because she knows it will please her husband to see her riding that
sweet Yankee cock. Well, actually, she gang bangs with all four of the
visitors while her hubby watches from a secluded spot nearby.
Although this story is clearly written, it does little that's creative with
the basic spouse-watching theme. For my own part, I'm still not convinced
that it would be all that hot to bang away mindlessly with four strangers
while my husband hid in a corner and watched.
I personally think Boswell writes best when he gets off the wife-watching
theme. I think his two best stories are "Love Deeply Missed" and "Christmas
with the Andersons." Nevertheless, Boswell obviously likes to write about
slutty wives, and I guess that's what he's famous for. His two best stories
of that genre that I have encountered are "Those Ex-Wife Blues" and "Giving
Him What He Wants."
Ratings for "Oh What a Trip"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
* "Marie" by Friar Dave. When she was a little under 11 years old and had a
body that was a bit advanced for her age, Marie made an important discovery.
She could become close to and even have sex with nice men, and she could
turn them on and still have them treat her right, and it could be fun and
sweet and pleasurable and not hateful or hurtful or scary.
The problem was that soon she loved sex, and she was used to getting it
pretty much when she wanted it. And she was often horny as hell. To use
Marie's own expression, she was making Lolita look like a nun.
Marie's initial sexual contacts were with boys near her own age. She quickly
graduated to more mature boys and to adult men. Once she had experienced the
more mature partners, she lost interest in younger boys. She progresses to
numerous hot, sexy adventures.
If we accept this as fiction - a nice story - then we're OK. If we look at
it as a case study - which is the format the author uses - then our choices
are to regard this story as either (1) a very unusual set of circumstances or
(2) a far-fetched fantasy. The FACT is that there is an overwhelming
tendency for girls who become sexually active this young to have adult lives
that are at best far below their potential at and worst just plain miserable.
I have worked with kids who have been sexually active. I am not talking
about "kids" who get married and start a family when they are 17. I am
talking about kids who start having constant sex when they are under 12 years
old. In general, when they become adults, they have no idea what real love
is about. They've lost their childhood. They almost invariably either drop
out of school or just sit in a desk until the law permits them to leave.
They enter into a series of shallow sexual relationships as adults, and they
almost never have what a sensible person would call a stable family. My
guess is that by their fiftieth birthday half of the kids I have known like
this will be dead after an unhappy life.
I also serve as an informal counselor to a large number of well-adjusted
teenagers (by being the sponsor of various organizations), and my impression
is that the sexual experiences of these kids begin much later in life.
Articles and case studies published in scientific journals confirm my
perception.
It's possible that I'm getting a biased sample in my real life contacts. I
work with kids who are dysfunctional, and so maybe I just don't see the
well-adjusted kids who have been having frequent sex since they were 11 years
old. It's POSSIBLE that the world is full of wonderful children like Marie
who become sexually active before they turn 11, who are never sexually
exploited, and whose lives are not permanently screwed up because of their
early sexual experiences. These kids would not come to my attention, because
they look like normal kids and don't advertise the fact that they're fucking
one another's brains out when I'm not looking. It's also important to note
that even with the dysfunctional kids it may be the problems in the rest of
their lives that lead to early sexual behavior rather than vice versa.
What I most emphatically want to say is that I do NOT believe that any of you
readers who started your sexual careers at a really early age are necessarily
scarred for life because of this. On the other hand, I hope you have the
honesty to admit that maybe life would be better were it not for some early
problems and mistakes.
Marie discovered early in this story that sex could be fun and sweet and
pleasurable and not hateful or hurtful or scary. I learned the same thing
from my mother and from the happy environment in which I grew up. Mom didn't
let me look at porn magazines when I was really young, because they would
"give me a wrong impression of sex and love." My father and mother were very
affectionate in front of us, and I knew that someday I might get lucky and
have a similar relationship. She knew what kinds of movies I watched and
casually offered me advice, including the encouragement to "save myself" for
somebody I truly loved. I had a full childhood and a happy athletic career
in high school; and I cannot imagine my sex life being much better than it is
right now - except when I get interesting ideas from these stories. My
advice to my own daughters has been similar; and had I ever suspected that
one of them was engaging in precocious sexual behavior I would have done what
I could have done to lead her to a more adaptive lifestyle.
Having stated my personal philosophy in the previous paragraphs, now I'll say
that this is still an excellent story. It's "realistic" in the sense that
these events COULD happen to a person that would grow up to be a normal,
functioning adult. And if you read the whole story, I think you'll discover
that Marie's eventual opinion of her life story is not all that different
from my own.
The story is also just plain enjoyable - even to a person like myself who
would discourage such behavior in real life. I have close friends and
relatives who adamantly insist that anything that's immoral, unwise, or
unrealistic cannot be enjoyable. That's just plain stupid. When I watch
Star Wars, I don't worry about the impact on their families of killing the
storm troopers of the Evil Empire. When I watch a movie about a clever bank
robbery, I don't worry about the fact that such activity would ultimately
influence how banks would operate and probably cause hardship for families
with marginal incomes. Get real! It would be fun to rob a bank and get away
with it (although I would never do it and it couldn't really be harmless in
real life), and it would also be fun for a 12-year-old to pull a train with a
bunch of friendly 16-year-olds. Not wise, perhaps, but certainly fun.
Some people cite this as Friar Dave's best story. I liked "Inger" better,
but this one is still an excellent story.
Ratings for "Marie"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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