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From: bronwen@anon.nymserver.com (BronwenSM)
Subject: "Shagger" (prostitution, humour) by BronwenSM
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                                         --Shagger --
                                      by BronwenSM
                                    (prostitution, humour)

It was Shagger's birthday while we were in New York, and that night
after the show we did what we always did for crew birthdays. We wrote
his name in coke and he tooted the lot. Shagger's not a long name, but
it's long enough.

We were knocking back a few brews in the hotel bar when Shagger
suddenly announced he wanted a hooker for his birthday.

"I-wanna-great-big-black-hooker," he slurred. And he wouldn't let up.
He went on and on about this great big black hooker. Which was a bit
of a turn-up because he didn't normally go in for that kind of thing.
We all had old ladies back in London but that never stopped the rest
of us shafting everything that's going. Me, I kind of specialize in
hookers. Fans and liggers think you mean it, and I can't be doing with
all that bullshit. No, give me a nice classy hooker who'll give you a
great time and walk out quite happy with her cash. No crap, no
comebacks.

Only Shagger didn't screw around, and we kind of respected that. He
had something special. We couldn't let on that we didn't think he was
a dickhead so we called him Shagger, because he didn't.

But this night he was well up for it. He didn't want a call girl, he
wanted a street one. And he burbled on and on about this black hooker
until finally we started to think it might be a laugh so a few of us
dragged him into a limo and we went off looking for the girl of his
dreams.

I mean he was really out of it and we're driving around and his head's
half out the window and he's saying "Naaaaa" to every hooker we see.
None of them are any good and we're starting to get pissed off when he
sees this woman and suddenly starts waving his arms and pointing.

"There she is," he said. "There she is, my great big black hooker."

I have to say she was impressive, all 6' 2" of her not counting the
wig, and once she'd come over it turned out she was more than happy
to come back to the Drake with a bunch of cheerful English musos,
which she would be. I mean it makes sense.

But I'd had my doubts as soon as I saw her across the intersection,
and by the time she was swaying towards the car I knew.

She climbed in the back with us and, man, she was gorgeous. Legs for
days, great tits, done up like a Christmas tree. Expensive wig, too.
But her Adam's apple and those wrists gave the game away, quite apart
from the fact that you just don't see a lot of 6' 2" women, even in
America where everything's supposed to be bigger.

Well, of course, I sussed and the others guys sussed, but Shagger
didn't suss. He hadn't had a lot to do with hookers, like I said. We
told her she was his birthday present and she was really friendly. The
two of them started cosying up and the rest of us kept catching each
other's eyes and just creasing. I couldn't keep a straight face but
Shagger didn't catch on.

So we got back to the hotel and Shagger marched his hooker straight
into the lift and the rest of us joined the others back at the bar. I
mean as soon as they were inside that lift we were laughing with tears
rolling down our faces. We sat where we could see the lift and started
to make bets on how soon he'd find out and how soon he'd come flying
back down.

But ten minutes passed, and then fifteen and then 30. We started to
wonder. And then finally the lift opened and Shagger came out grinning
like a kid.

"I know," he said, putting up his hands. "OK, fellas, I know. But I
tell you one thing. It was the best fucking blow-job I ever had."


                                            -- The End --

If you liked this, let me know. Any constructive comments gratefully
received.
BronwenSM
(bronwen@anon.nymserver.com)
Accept no substitute

@--->--->-----

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