Message-ID: <1269eli$9706071427@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Archived-At: <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/Year97/1269>
Path: qz!not-for-mail
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam
Approved: <usenet-approval@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded <story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Story-Submission: <story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 188 - June 7
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 188 - June 7, 1997
Note: The deadline for the Second Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest has
come and gone. Here's what we do next. I am going to post the list of all
the stories I have received. Authors should post the stories on a.s.s. or
a.s.s.m. They should label them at the beginning of the line with this
heading: {<500 words}. Any readers who wish to do so should read as many of
these stories as they wish and send their comments to me. Comments can be of
two kinds: comments on a specific story or comments comparing stories - for
example, by telling me why one story or another should be awarded the First
Prize. If you wish to do so, you can shamelessly promote your cause, as Mike
Hunt has done in the past. However, I don't recommend that, since most of us
are impervious to silly flattery and other strategies that do not lead
directly to orgasm.
The final decision will be mine; but I shall allow myself to be influenced by
this input from readers. I will NOT go by a simple vote; I'll take into
consideration your input and make a decision. Of course, there's actually
nothing to prevent someone else from giving a Second First Prize in this
Second Third Annual Celestial Story Contest.
The deadline for sending feedback to me is June 14. On June 18 I'll post the
name of the winner, and I'll also post my reviews of all the stories.
Here is the list (in general alphabetical order) of the stories I have
received for this contest. If you think there is an error on this list,
contact me, so that I can make a correction as soon as possible.
"Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute
"B----'s Lover" by Eli-the-Bearded
"Bees" by Mat Twassel
"Cain and Abel" by Taria
"Civility" by Mark Aster
"Confessions of Lust" by Anon747
"Cream" by Seurat
"Daisy" by John Thomas
"Double Dutch" by Tom Bombadil
"Dune What Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan
"Foodie" by Plainman
"The Game" by Michael Ellis
"The Harpooner" by MrSpraycan
"A Hot Time in the Old Town" by Tom Bombadil
"The Houseguest" by DG
"If..." by Mary's Brother
"In Your Own Sweet Way" by Walter Caulder
"Listening to the Neighbors" by Renae Nicks
"Memo" by Mike Hunt
"My Trusted Friend" by BronwenSM
"The Orgy" by kollontai
"The Phone Call" by Gregarious
"Playing Pool" by BronwenSM
"Poe" by Seurat
"Quiz" by Mike Hunt
"Rant" by Mike Hunt
"Ships that Parse in the Night" by John Thomas
"Spaced Out" by John Thomas
"Taken" by kollontai
"An Unintentional Voyeur" by Tom Bombadil
"Watching" by Tom Bombadil
"Watching 3" by Tom Bombadil
"What Choice? by Mal
"Windmill Saga" by Robert Brennan
"Yardstick" by John Thomas
"Teasers" by Vickie Tern (several eligible entries)
"Quickies" by Vickie Tern (a subset of "Teasers")
"Twist" by Seurat (several eligible entries)
Note that it is OK (and may be convenient) for authors to post several
stories in a single package. However, the prize will go to a single story.
If you read a set of stories, therefore, be sure to specify definite stories
in your comments to me.
Second Note: Eli has recently been criticized for "failing to moderate"
alt.sex.stories.moderated. I am genuinely confused by this criticism. I
just looked at the newsgroup again, and as near as I can figure, the entries
there were all stories. That's all Eli has agreed to do - make an effort to
ascertain that everything there is a legitimate story. He has also agreed to
post my reviews there, but I don't think the critics are complaining about
that. Either these critics are seeing a different list of stories than I am
getting, or they are complaining about the QUALITY of the stories. Eli has
never promised to vouch for the quality. All he's doing is saying that
everything on a.s.s.m. is probably an actual story - as opposed to a.s.s.,
where we find a huge amount of senseless spam.
I personally appreciate Eli's efforts and hope he gets amply rewarded for his
good work.
Third Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Shelly's Sex Life" by Mike Hunt (sex instruction) 10, 10, 10
"Nichole" by Dirty Dawg (sex with cop) 9.5, 9.5, 9
"The Power" by Johnny D. (bondage & anal sex) 10, 9, 9
"The Husband" by Sue (swinging orgy) 4, 4, 4
"Barbeque of Doom" by Unknown Author (really grotesque sex)
9, 4, 4
"In the Barn" by Unknown Author (kiddy sex in the barn)
9, 9, 9
"Bartenders Have All the Fun" by The Grey Ghost (orgy)
6, 8, 7
"The Offering" by BronwenSM (exhibitionism & mercy fuck)
9.5, 10, 10
"Midnight Ride: by Houston R. Knight (incest) 10, 10, 10
"Shelly's Sex Life" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). Shelly is not Mike's
type of woman, but she needs help with her sex life, and she persuades Mike
to help her. When Mike helps her, Shelly is a fast learner: she quickly
BECOMES Mike's type of woman. Imagine that.
The first week's lesson focuses on attitude and oral sex. The "lesson" is
sexy and just plain titillating. Shelly does so well that next she wants to
study swallowing, tit-fucking, and anal sex. Imagine that.
Ratings for "Shelly's Sex Life"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Nichole" by Dirty Dawg (A+ Story). The detective is assigned to interrogate
a prostitute who has been a witness to a murder, and he suddenly realizes
that she is his former high school girlfriend. She has become a slut; she
really enjoys fucking with lots and lots of men. The cop rehashes the
emotions of his past life and then screws the prostitute.
This is one of my all-time favorite authors. Several of his stories have a
theme of romance with a former lover - the correction of a relationship that
has gone wrong. In most cases the man has missed an opportunity to build a
relationship and rectifies that shortcoming before the end of the story. In
this story the author tries a slightly more complex plot, and I don't think
he quite brings it off. Close, but not as good as I would have expected from
this author.
Ratings for "Nichole"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Power" by Johnny D. (JohnnyD@cryogen.com). This story is entirely a
dialogue between a man and a woman who are having sex together. The reader
has to use his/her imagination to fill in all the details. At first the man
boasts about how he has the power to really satisfy a woman. She finds him
to be boorishly egotistical and turns the tables on him. She handcuffs him
and rapes him in the ass with a large dildo. This isn't a very nice thing to
do, but I suppose some men who think they are God's Gift to Women deserve
this kind of treatment.
Ratings for "The Power"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Husband" by Sue (gregsr@en.com). This is a sample of the material from
Sue's Intimate Library. About all I can tell you is that this library does
not insist on grammar - or sophisticated plots. Sue and Greg talk to another
couple on the phone and then meet them for sex. At first I wondered why this
story, which is entitled "The Husband" was posted as "Saturday Night," but
then I lost interest.
Ratings for "The Husband"
Athena (technical quality): 4
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"Barbeque of Doom" by Unknown Author (Red Dragon Repost). I was just saying
to myself, "Self, the Red Dragon has been reposting better stories lately.
They're a lot more literate than they used to be." So I chose this one and
read it and said to myself, "Self, either you chose a bad sample or you are
wrong about the Red Dragon."
This story is so bad that it's almost good. Sex simply cannot occur the way
it is described in this story. The best thing that can be said about it is
that it makes interesting use of random body parts. I'm pretty sure the
author was trying to be sarcastically creative or something like that; it
would be sad to think that this author actually thought this was a story.
This story is short, and it's kind of fun - the sort of thing you might want
to print out and leave around in the beauty parlor when you know the next
lady is that prissy, sanctimonious, religious bitch who always annoys you.
Ratings for "Barbeque of Doom"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"In the Barn" by Unknown Author (Red Dragon repost). Jodi is relaxing in the
barn, braced for a boring evening with the relatives. She's 13.5 years old.
Then her older cousin Brad comes into the barn with a dirty magazine and
starts to masturbate. She interrupts him and shows him her tits, and then
they have sex together. Actually, I have oversimplified this story
considerably: before they have sex he tickles her, she sticks out her tongue
at him, and they look at the pictures in the dirty magazine together. They
also watch Sinbad fuck Margaret. Sinbad is a bull and Margaret is a regular
cow.
Favorite line department: "He gently curls my hand around his penis, then
begins moving my hand slowly up and down his shaft. It feels almost as if it
is alive, the way it pulses under my fingers." Think about that for a
moment.... Guess what! The penis IS alive! That's the difference between a
real cock and a dildo.
Then Jodi gives him head. The author doesn't say whether his cock still felt
alive; but if it didn't, she did something wrong. I suspect it was still
alive, because it becomes large again and he sticks it into her. A good time
is had by all. Then they go inside and have a boring evening with the other
relatives.
This reminds me of a story. Vern the undertaker was having an ordinary day,
when the people from the hospital brought him the body of Schmitty the Baker.
Schmitty had died in the act of copulating in the back room with a sexy
young customer. The unique thing was that rigor mortis had set in while his
cock was still up, and it was the biggest cock Vern had ever seen. Vern
wished he could show this to his wife; and after he thought for a moment, he
said to himself, "What the hell. Schmitty is dead and won't need this any
more." And so he hacked off Schmitty's cock and put it in a velvet-lined box
and took it home for his wife to see. When he walked into the house, he
handed his wife the box and said, "Look what I got off a dead body today."
His wife opened the box and screamed, "Omigod! Schmitty the Baker is dead!"
Ratings for "In the Barn"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Bartenders Have All the Fun" by The Grey Ghost (Red Dragon repost). (This
story is listed in a.s.s. as "Bartender.") A college guy and his friend stay
after hours at the bar and have a raucous party with four girls who have been
attending a stag-ette party for one of the damsels who is getting married.
They play a game called "I've-Never," in which players take turns, while
sitting in a circle, saying something that they have never done and they
think someone else in the party has done. {It's the sort of thing that
counselors often recommend as an ice-breaker at touchie-feelie encounter
groups.} For instance a guy might say he has never worn a bra, and all the
girls (as well as any guys who had worn a bra) would be required to drink (or
do what the group has decided for that game). I myself would really kick ass
at a game like this, because I would say, "I have diagrammed sentences while
making love" or "I have had an orgasm while reading "The Great Gatsby."
Well, as you can easily imagine, somebody in the group has never done a
striptease, and after the appropriate libations, somebody does do a
striptease. Eventually they play a variation of Blind Man's Bluff and have
an orgy. A good time is had by all.
Ratings for "Bartenders Have All the Fun"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"The Offering" by BronwenSM (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com). The young adolescent is
getting it on with her older boyfriend in the dark in a semi-public place,
when she becomes aware that someone is watching. It's a derelict - a sad
lonely man, who really likes what he sees. To her boyfriend's dismay, she
invites the old guy to join in. It's stories like this that have brought
terms like "mercy fuck" and "charity date" into our language.
This author has just recently come to my attention. I think she/he should
get just a little help with the proofreading - maybe share the stories with a
friend before posting them. Overall, this is an imaginative, realistic
story. I hope to see more like it.
Ratings for "The Offering"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Midnight Ride" by Houston R. Knight (SeptDrms@cia.com). What's a kid to do
if his mother with her size D breasts and smooth thighs and tight ass and all
that other good stuff sits down next to him on his bed and asks for a massage
for a leg cramp. The same thing a guy would do in a when a lounge lizard
with size D breasts and smooth thighs and tight ass and all that other good
stuff sits down next to him on the next stool at a bar and asks for a massage
for a leg cramp. The decision becomes easier if either the mother or the
lizard asks if the listener likes having a woman ride his face. The thought
of being underneath a set of luscious hips, sandwiched between sensual
thighs, servicing a wet pussy can be very intoxicating. Obviously, mothers
should have more sense. So should lounge lizards.
During the afterglow we hear,"So Todd, have you ever licked a woman's ass?"
Hmmm...
This is a very short, moderately silly, but well written story.
Ratings for "Midnight Ride"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
--
+--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+
| story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us |
| Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ |
\ <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/> .../assm/faq.html> /