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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 187 - June 4
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Celestial Reviews 187 - June 4, 1997
Note: The deadline for the Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest has come
and gone. Actually, the Third Annual contest took place last year; and so
the present contest is either the Fourth Annual Contest or the Second Third
Annual Contest. I posted the list of stories received for this contest in CR
186, but somehow that posting got delayed, and so I am reposting CR 186,
reposting the list of stories in this issue (with several additions that have
arrived since I wrote that issue), and extending the deadline slightly. So
if you have a sex story of 500 words or less, you can submit it by June 7 and
still be eligible for the honors inherent in winning this prestigious prize.
Here is the list of stories I THINK I have received for this contest. I
would appreciate it if people who have submitted stories would check the list
below to make sure I have their entries correctly listed. Sometimes stories
have not been labeled clearly, and sometimes I just plain get confused. Note
that in order for a story to be considered a contest entry, the author
him/herself must submit it and state that it is for the contest. An example
of an unacceptable entry would be a repost of one of Deirdre's short stories
without her permission or a story that appears on a.s.s. or a.s.s.m. that
happens to be under the size limit. For example, an author recently posted a
humorous anecdote that would have fallen within the word limit but was not
labeled as an entry for the contest. Likewise, the following story will not
be accepted as an entry, even though it is less {actually, fewer} than 500
words: "I need a big stiff dick inside of me! Please cum to my site and
shoot your wad all over my face! I've got lots of HOT pics for you to see!
Get some hand loti and get ready to blow!!" If an author wants to be in this
contest, he/she has to tell me so. In order to avoid mistakes, I am listing
here (in general alphabetical order) all the stories that I THINK have been
submitted for this contest.
"Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute
"B----'s Lover" by Eli-the-Bearded
"Bees" by Mat Twassel
"Civility" by Mark Aster
"Confessions of Lust" by Anon747
"Daisy" by John Thomas
"Dune What Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan
"Foodie" by Plainman
"The Game" by Michael Ellis
"The Harpooner" by MrSpraycan
"The Houseguest" by DG
"If..." by Mary's Brother
"In Your Own Sweet Way" by Walter Caulder
"Listening to the Neighbors" by Renae Nicks
"My Trusted Friend" by BronwenSM
"The Phone Call" by Gregarious
"Playing Pool" by BronwenSM
"Poe" by Seurat
"Ships that Parse in the Night" by John Thomas
"Spaced Out" by John Thomas
"What Choice? by Mal
"Windmill Saga" by Robert Brennan
"Yardstick" by John Thomas
Three entries by Mike Hunt
Five stories by Tom Bombadil
"Teasers" by Vickie Tern (several eligible entries)
"Twist" by Seurat (several eligible entries)
Stephanie {the winner of my first two "annual" contests} has promised me an
entry but has not yet submitted it.
If you think stories should be added to or deleted from this list, please
contact me. In the next issue I'll post a list of all the entries, and the
authors should repost their stories. Readers who wish to do so will be
encouraged to send the input to me or to comment through a.s.s.d. I'll allow
myself to be influenced by this discussion, but the final decision will be
mine.
Second Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Cape And Cowl" by Ann Douglas (ff bat sex) 10, 10, 10
"Photos" by Luc7557 (enforced voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
"Three Wishes" by Sandmann (magical breast growth) 10, 9, 9
"Hot! International! Gay!" by Andrew Hicks (book review)
10, 10, 10
"Conversation" by Christopher '95 (really bizarre sex) 10, 10, 10
"Bimbo Twins in Outer Space" by Leo Sanderson (sex in outer
space) 7, 6, 9
* "Peach Pit After Hours" by Roger P. Tipe (gang rape)
9.5, 9, 8
* "Conversation" by Sandmann (sex fantasies & inhibitions)
10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"Cape And Cowl" by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net). Here we're back to
Supergirl as I know and love her. At the beginning of the story, a small jet
is in extreme danger. The Girl of Steel, who happens to be in the area
delivering a heart for a transplant operation, rescues the pilot and
passenger by bringing the jet in for a gentle landing. By sheer chance, the
passenger on the jet happens to be Barbara Gordon, junior congressional
representative from Gotham City, whose secret identity is Batgirl. The loss
of the engines on the jet was no accident; it was sabotage by evil agents of
Quraq. Supergirl and Batgirl quickly combine to subdue Crimson Rose, the
main Quaraqi agent; and then they disclose their mutual attraction to each
other. Then a good time is had by all.
This is a very nice story. I guess you could say it's not great literature -
just a kids' comic book story that happens to be banned for children. But
this author does a great job of setting up a plot with details that are both
interesting and consistent. In addition, the sex between the two superheroes
seemed perfectly plausible to me. The aspect that I like best about Ann
Douglas's stories is that her characters have genuinely interesting
personalities.
Ratings for "Cape And Cowl"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Photos" by Luc7557 (Luc7557@aol.com). Madeline is a prominent author of
erotic stories, perhaps on this very newsgroup. She has a cyberlover in
England, but she has no erotic photos to send him. So she has asked Luc and
his faithful sidekick Gena to come to her house and take some photos. The
rules are that Luc and Gena will just take photos - no funny business -
nobody will even touch Madeline. However, Madeline still seems a bit shy -
she's hesitant to disrobe for the camera. No problem, says Gena, as she
whips off her clothes; how can Madeline be nervous if the photographer's
assistant agrees to go naked for this photo shoot? And so, two hours later
they have enough pictures to enable her to e-mail Chris one a day with his
breakfast until his next visit.
But wait a minute! Suddenly Gena has snapped handcuffs and bondage shoes
onto Madeline. Are they going to violate the terms of engagement? No way!
They could get bounced from the Erotic Photographers Union for pulling a
stunt like that. They just want a captive audience. Maybe next time Madeline
can join in. But tonight Luc and Gena just want her to watch - to watch, to
listen, and to imagine." Ah, Gena gets really hot, and they change the
rules, but not too much.... Well, there's always next time.
This is a good story. I found the second person ("you") point of view to be
extremely irritating. As I progressed through the first part of the story, I
assumed I would have to dock the author several points somewhere for this
silly approach. But the overall story turned out so good that I couldn't
decide where to dock him. Instead I decided to give him straight 10's but to
make a point about the point of view. It seems to me that the author
probably wrote this story for somebody else - probably somebody named
Madeline. Madeline probably had about twelve orgasms while she read the
story and e-mailed back something like, "This is really good! You oughta
publish it!" And so he did. The problem is that the story would have been
better had Luc considered that the other people reading this story would not
be Madelines. In fact, some of them would be guys. These future audiences
would be likely to find the original point of view (which was great for
Madeline) to be distracting. I can see no reason whatsoever (other than that
it would take time) that this story couldn't be told in the third person.
Some authors (e.g., Plainman) do great things with the
first-and-second-person narratives; but they work hard to make these
"persons" have personality. This author does not do that. He just insists
that the reader take the point of view of Madeline. I don't think that's a
good strategy.
On a completely different topic - For those of you who have no kids yet, let
me say that you are in for a thrill. As soon as you or your beloved gives
birth to a progeny, somehow the photo companies will get your name and
they'll lay siege to your domicile, offering you wonderful prices on pictures
of your cute little bundle of joy. Knowing that your baby is more beautiful
than any other, you'll sign up with one of these photographers for the
bargain package; but then your sweet little son or daughter will refuse to
smile or look remotely natural during the photo session. Strategies
analogous to those employed in this story may come in handy on that occasion.
Ratings for "Photos"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Three Wishes" by Sandmann. The man goes to the remote island of Tonga to
write a story about a Shaman who lives there. The Shaman, of course, had
received an MBA at an American university before he returned to the island to
carry on the family tradition. Since the Shaman values his privacy, in
return for the interviewer's promise to keep quiet about where he found him,
the Shaman grants the interviewer three wishes. The man's first wish is for
unlimited money; his second is for his girlfriend's breast size to increase;
and he delays his third till later {the Shaman says he can mail it in}.
To be more specific, for his second wish he wants to be able to make his
girlfriend's breasts larger; but he wants this process to be absolutely safe
for her, and he wants the growth to be under his control." In granting the
wish, the Shaman adds just one condition: there will be but a single hour
during which he can cause Becky's breasts to grow, and then only as she
experiences orgasm.
When he gets home, the fun begins. Becky starts the lovemaking session as a
size A, but by the final twenty minutes she has progressed beyond size F. Of
course that's only an estimate; it might be better to use NBA standards,
since the tits seem to resemble basketballs. This may sound like a freak
show performance, but Becky enjoys it immensely - and there's always that
third wish in abeyance.
Sign from Heaven Department: I just found this Three Wishes Joke on
rec.humor. I apologize to my blonde sisters. Insert whatever you want in
place of the three blondes <interesting thought!>:
There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a
fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned
into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the
previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired
woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails
off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than
the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he
walks across the bridge.
{End of Joke}
If I myself had to make three wishes, I would, of course, wish first that
love and peace would spread throughout the entire world. My second wish
would be for an infinite supply of wishes. My third wish I would save to
cancel the other two, just in case I screwed up.
Ratings for "Three Wishes"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Hot! International! Gay!" by Andrew Hicks. This was recently posted by Eli
the Bearded under the title "(Humor) what's your bag baby?" It's not really
a "story," and so it really shouldn't be a target for my reviews; but then,
as a belligerent critic recently pointed out, my "reviews" aren't really
reviews either. Therefore, as a compromise I'll call this little gem to your
attention but make it ineligible for the coveted monthly and yearly awards.
Apparently Andrew Hicks has a comedy diary called "Yet Another Year in the
Life of a Nerd," which is somehow associated with the web site at
http://www.missouri.edu/~c667778. Mr. Hicks seems to have come across a book
entitled "Hot! International! Gay!" which claims to translate common sexual
phrases (especially those most needed by gay men) into seven languages. I
found his comedic treatment of this book to be hilarious.
Ratings for "Hot! International! Gay!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Conversation" by Christopher '95 (A+ Story). This one is hard to describe.
It's bizarre - like a dream. An extremely beautiful woman whom he has never
seen before joins Martin at his table in the restaurant. "Do you love me?"
she asks in a low, husky voice. "I don't even know who you are," answers
Martin. "Know me?" replies the woman; "I didn't ask if you knew me. I asked
if you loved me. Do you love me? Do you want to?" Then she asks if she can
please sleep with him. She promises never to say no. And she doesn't.
This is a strange but strangely fascinating story.
Sandmann wrote another story with this same title. It was also bizarre, but
not as far gone as this one. I'll repost that review, and maybe Sandmann
will repost his story.
Ratings for "Conversation"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Bimbo Twins in Outer Space" by Leo Sanderson (leonsan@rocketmail.com).
Sometimes I just plain admire people that know their limitations. As I
glanced at this title, I suspected that the author of this story probably did
not believe he had written a masterpiece. He probably thought he was writing
a rather inane satire on science fiction stories that seem to thrive on
sexual innuendo.
The action takes place on a spacecraft that has 100 male crew members and 6
robots, plus twin female officers dressed in the standard uniform of gold and
blue bikini bra and thong panties, thigh-high sheer black hose and spike heel
booties. {You may think that this uniform would interfere with the
responsibilities of the eponymous twins, but an engineering student once
explained to me that physical designs desirable on earth may not be equally
desirable in a weightless environment. The student was speaking of the
design of the Starship Enterprise, but the reference to Barbarella below
seems equally relevant.} Sean and Sia Barbie have magnificent bodies with
38D cup breasts: full and firm with perfect pink nipples cresting each mound,
"allways" erect; they {the breasts, I think} seemed to be the cherries on top
of a mound of vanilla ice cream, waiting to be sucked into a warm mouth and
enjoyed. Well, I guess the author has more in common with Larry Flint than
Isaac Asimov.
My husband likes to tease my brother-in-law (a conservative Vietnam veteran)
by discussing the merits of a movie called "Barbarella" - a completely stupid
movie with no discernible plot in which Jane Fonda does nothing much other
than fondle her own body in outer space. This story reminds me of
"Barbarella." I have to admit, I've had some really great orgasms during
"Barbarella," but not because of anything I was directly observing on the
screen.
Ratings for "Bimbo Twins in Outer Space"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Conversation" by Sandmann (bd654@scn.org). This story begins as a
conversation between two women about the sex life of one of them, who
mentions that she is sexually uninhibited. A stranger at a nearby table
jumps into the conversation and asks her to explain what she means by
"uninhibited." Her friend leaves, and the woman continues the discussion
with the stranger. This is a fascinating combination of a theoretical
discussion and sexual fantasies. It's a Platonic dialogue run amok!
As you know, I enjoy "discovering" that various a.s.s. authors are "really"
someone else. For example, I have discussed at length my theory that Deirdre
is actually Sherwood Anderson reincarnated. More recently, I speculated that
Harper Lee is the real author of "Tomboy," which was falsely attributed to
Jordan Shelbourne. If I recall correctly, I once even exposed J.D. Salinger
posting on a.s.s. Plainman is obviously a pseudonym for John Updike. I also
suspect that some authors on this newsgroup post under more than one name.
The present story is a case in point. This story bears an uncanny stylistic
resemblance to the work of another excellent author whose work I have
reviewed here in the past. However, since the author may have some reason
for wanting to conceal this dual identity, I am not going to disclose the
other name under which I think this author writes. If you want to 'fess up
or speculate, you can contact me by e-mail.
This is a thoroughly enjoyable story!
Ratings for "Conversation"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Peach Pit After Hours" by Roger P. Tipe (rogrtipe@ix.netcom.com). Rocco
and his gang of thugs burst into the Peach Pit After Dark. Rocco puts a gun
to Brenda's head and tells Val to hand over all the money, or he'll blow
Brenda's brains out. Since Val doesn't like Brenda anyway, she replies ,
"Fuck you!" Not really wanting a murder rap, Rocco changes tactics and
announces that instead of killing Brenda he and the guys are going to rape
everyone unless Val turns over the money. This is supposed to scare Val, but
instead it turns her on; and besides, she likes the feeling of power and
control that Rocco has given her over her sexy little friends.
So what we have here is a prolonged gang rape, with 30 or so scuzzy gang
members banging the Beverly whores. Val herself escapes relatively
unscathed, but rumor has it that she'll get hers in the sequel. I guess as
gang-rape stories go this was a pretty good one. I think if I were a 90210
fan I might have caught some more of the allusions and enjoyed some inside
comments that I might have missed.
Ratings for "Peach Pit After Hours"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
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