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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celeste's Top 15 Stories - May
Celeste's Top 15 Stories - May 1997
Note: Since many readers would like to read the top stories for each month, I
would appreciate it if authors would repost as many of these stories as
possible. You may wish to repost the stories in alt.sex.stories.moderated,
as well as in alt.sex.stories. If you wish, you can label them as Celeste's
#x for May: Name of Story.
Second Note: I have had great success finding these stories on the World
Wide Web by using the Deja News Server (www.dejanews.com) and the service at
www.reference.com. You can even find past issues of my reviews through these
services.
- Celeste
Here's this month's list:
1. "Some Things Just Happen" by Mike Hunt
2. "For Effort" by Uther Pendragon
3. "Charly the Yard Guy" by Michael K. Smith
4. "Shorts Stories" by Mike Hunt
5. "Lucid Dreamer" by Delta
6. "Foretaste" by Uther Pendragon
7. "Tabitha" by MountainTop
8. "Teasers 2" by Vickie Tern
9. "Women Are Stupid" by Mike Hunt
10. "Fantasy 1.0" by Wiley06
11. "Tricia" by daVinci
12. "Art Appreciation" by Taria
13. "Losing It On Holiday" by Paddy Toute
14. "Erotic Foolishness" by Renae Nicks
15. "Minding Mike" by Paddy Toute
Here are the original reviews in alphabetical order:
"Art Appreciation" by Taria (Taria29b@aol.com). The woman is genuinely pissed
off because she has been standing in the cold, waiting for her husband, who
is late again. When she discovers that she has been standing in front of an
art gallery, she goes inside, where she discovers that the gallery is
displaying the works of Andres - "Andres Presents the History of Sex," to be
precise. The display turns her on and reminds her of a nearby sex shoppe, and
she goes to that store and acquires some sextoys. She takes the next day off
and stays home and plays with herself, while her husband goes to work. The
self-stimulation is extremely erotic, but the best part is the creative use
of a dildo during subsequent ff sexual activity with a friend. Next we are
treated to her voyeurism, while she watches her husband masturbate with a
dildo. Say what? Is this guy kinky or something?
Well, I guess he is kinky; but his wife incorporates his fantasies into a
memorable session of teasing and anal lovemaking. The author does an
excellent job of describing interesting and sexy details of the lovemaking
session.
"Charly the Yard Guy" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith1@swbell.net). Yard-guy sex
is actually a fairly popular topic when women meet in sewing circles, at the
hairdresser's, or even at PTA executive meetings. There's something about a
muscular young man in a sweaty tee-shirt that outlines and emphasizes those
muscles that brings out the libido in the everyday housewife. I don't
personally know anyone who has actually fucked her yard guy, but I have heard
some wild claims and have had lots of friends who have incorporated the yard
guy into fantasies later in the evening.
Come to think of it, I DID make love to my yard guy just last week, but I had
him take a shower with me first to get rid of all those little pieces of
grass and herbicides that aren't really all that sexy. Of course, the
mitigating circumstance in my case is that I am married to my yard guy.
Anyway, in the present story Charly the Yard Guy is actually Charlene the
16-year-old Yard Girl, who takes over the job of doing extensive yard work
for the 35-year-old neighbor when her brothers can no longer do the work.
She quickly becomes more than a yard worker. Although the older man tries
to resist the relationship, they fall in love and move swiftly along to a
tender and happy ending.
There are people who would label this a pedophile relationship, but that's a
silly oversimplification. I'm not sure about this (in fact, I'm just making
it up), but I think the odds for happiness would actually be in FAVOR of a
really responsible and sensitive 16-year-old who wanted to develop a mature
relationship with a 35-year-old man - as long as the man is also a mature,
sensible man rather than a horny asshole. The main reason to discourage such
relationships is that the result would be a tremendous loss of worthwhile
women from the dating pool for horny 16-year-old boys who couldn't compete
with the sophistication and sensitivity of their more mature competitors.
If my daughter finds this story, I want to remind her that not all that many
middle-aged men who flirt with teenagers are as wonderful as the guy in this
story. I would also like to remind the guy that statutory rape is still a
punishable offense that is prosecuted in most jurisdictions in the western
world.
Some people are put off by stories about taboo subjects. It's important to
keep in mind that people are interested in taboo subjects because to some
extent these topics ARE fascinating and attractive. There have been numerous
great books in literature and award-winning films in which the "forbidden
relationship" plays a tantalizing part. What will happen when the
strong-willed vivacious southern belle falls in love with a man who is
married to someone else or with a man whose allegiance to the South is
seriously questioned? What will happen when Gregory Peck is assigned to an
air base in England during World War II and faces the extraordinary danger of
probably dying in battle far away from his wife at home while he is in close
contact with a beautiful British woman? What will happen when a widower who
is ready to marry the beautiful love of his life and resume his normal
existence is suddenly confronted by his former wife, who wasn't dead after
all but has merely been the victim of amnesia?
Blindly denying that these stories are interesting does not reduce their
attractiveness. In real life, situations like these may cause really serious
complications and emotional problems. I used to be amazed (watching reruns,
of course) at how much stress Little Joe used to be able to tolerate on the
Ponderosa. The poor guy had a fiancee die at least every fourth episode, his
parents or brothers kidnapped almost weekly, and he had amnesia at least
twice a year. The poor little kid on The Rifleman had it even worse: each
week, a group of homicidal maniacs would rob a bank, beat up his father,
kidnap him (I think his name was Marcus), and repulse his father (Lucas) the
first time he tried to rescue him. Then these assholes would be in position
to kill both Marcus and Lucas and sometimes also Micah plus an itinerant
neighbor, when the Old Man would whip out his rifle and kill all six of the
bad guys on the spot. In real life, that's stress; but that's what fiction
is for.
Getting back to sex, I think it's a really bad idea for a man to get into a
relationship with a sexy nymphomaniac who eventually refuses to let go of him
and boils the family rabbit on the kitchen stove or for a woman to become a
call girl that gets sent on a shopping spree by a handsome rich guy with whom
she eventually falls in love. It's not all that likely that such stories
would have happy endings in real life; but "Fatal Attraction" and "Pretty
Woman" are really good movies. Worrying about the moral ambiguity of these
movies simply makes it less likely that you will enjoy them or profit from
the vicarious experiences they convey.
So if any of you assholes out there decide to seduce my teenage daughter, you
can assume that your life will become stressful. I'll grant the POSSIBILITY
that she might become happy with a guy twice her age; and in fact, if things
happened to her just the way they happen in this story, that would be just
swell. But I'm going to bet on her having a lot of fun with kids her own age
and marrying a guy I consider to be a kid and all that neat kind of crap.
"Erotic Foolishness" by Renae Nicks (RenaeNicks@aol.com). The woman has
broken up with her boyfriend after a long relationship and has befriended a
guy whose girlfriend lives far away. Things start out platonic and cool, but
they warm up quickly. What I liked best about this story was that the sex
was both hot and realistic. For example, on one crucial occasion the female
narrator is having her period when the guy stops by and urgently wants to
express his affection for her. They find a way to do it that is both
romantic and likely to happen in real life. The story has an air of wistful
nostalgia that adds to its impact.
The story has a few grammar and style glitches. For example: "His dick was a
little longer and thinner than the one I was used to, which was actually a
bit easier for me to deal with." Whose penis did the cocksucker savor?
Actually, the grammatical connection is to the dick she was used to
(Mark's), but I THINK she meant to express approbation for the longer and
thinner one (Brian's) which was being engulfed by her eager mouth. It's
imperfect style to use "which" to refer to an entire clause or to an implied
idea; and this usage is an especially bad idea when there is a nearby noun to
which the "which" might be applied.
"I felt badly about how things ended the other night." One of the problems
my husband faces in sleeping with an English teacher is the copulative verb.
Over the years he has learned that if I say I feel GOOD because he feels
WELL, this means that he is fondling me adeptly. If I feels good because he
feels GOOD, this means that he is in a state of euphoria that is having a
secondary benefit applicable to me. It all works out quite well in practice,
but the point is the speaker probably felt BAD (not badly) about how things
ended up that other night. And when you think about it, things weren't all
that bad, because things went well when they made up, which was good, which
is an apparent violation of the "which" rule in the previous paragraph.
Here's some friendly advice to potential authors: even if you have a good
story, consider the possibility of having somebody other than yourself look
at it before you go to press. If you need help finding a reader, let me
know, and I'll match you up with somebody from my free proofreading service.
"Fantasy 1.0" by Wiley06 (reposted by Mr. Double (mrdouble@ix.netcom.com)).
This author has run the gamut of my ratings. I have rated his stories as
low as 1 and as high as 10. I suspect he would agree with my ratings: he
knows how to write exceedingly well; it's just that sometimes he doesn't
bother to develop his stories as fully as possible.
Another thing about this author is that he makes me nervous. I think he
would be proud of that fact. When I read his stories I feel someone leering
at me; I don't quite feel safe. Wiley doesn't write romances.
A final thing about Wiley is that he changes his number every year. When I
first found his stories he was Wiley03. Last year he was Wiley05. By now
he's probably Wiley07. My theory is that at the turn of the millennium he'll
change his name to Smiley01 and write romances.
In this story the narrator spots a cute, wholesome teenager at a bus stop
with her mother and fantasizes about all the neat things that he and his
friends could do to her at a fraternity gangbang. Like I said, Wiley0x makes
me nervous, and he's not writing romances yet.
"For Effort" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.cs.du.edu). The normal thing
to do with mothers and mothers-in-law in stories on this newsgroup is to
ignore them or to have sex with them. Jeanette has the Mother from Hell. In
this story she calls her mother to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. The
conversation is very well written, full of ordinary words and sentences that
normal people exchange every day. Within just a few seconds I didn't like
Jeanette's mother at all.
When we celebrate Mother's Day we often fail to think about how painful that
holiday can be to a woman whose own mother is a bitch and who wants to become
a mother herself but has been unsuccessful. Bob recognizes Jeanette's
difficulty and is very supportive.
I suppose this story could be understood and enjoyed in stand-alone
isolation, but then you would miss the fun of fitting this story in with the
entire saga of Bob and Jeanette Brennan. These are two normal people who are
struggling to make ends meet while they are growing into a loving couple in
the early years of their marriage. If you haven't read all the stories,
check Dejanews (www.dejanews.com) under "alt.sex.stories Pendragon" to find
what you have missed.
The actual proportion of text devoted to hot sex in this episode is
relatively small, but I found this to be a very sexy chapter in the lives of
this couple.
"Foretaste" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Bob and Jeanette are
continuing with their journey through life. This story is heavily laced with
the realities of existence. They have partially overcome their financial
problems, but now they are faced with the decision of deferring Jeanette's
education even longer while they have a baby and begin to raise a family.
Their sex life continues to be a unitive force in their lives. Some
activities they have found wanting and have discarded, and some they have
found wanton and have retained them.
Here's a sex-related word that appears in this story for probably the first
time ever on this newsgroup: "blastomere", as in, "We had entered into
another relationship. Our child was not yet born, not even a fetus, but --
at most -- a blastomere." Just thought you might like to know.
"Losing It On Holiday" by Paddy Toute (Paddy22@aol.com). The 17-year-old guy
has been the beneficiary of a very strict upbringing - puritanical, we might
say. He is on what we Yanks call a vacation with his parents, when he seizes
an opportunity to acquire that most valuable commodity of all - a porn
magazine. Good news - he finds a store with magazines, successfully
purchases one without incurring the opprobrium of the man behind the counter,
takes it to his room, and begins to jerk off {er, wank - he's British} in the
presence of the magnificent tits and pussies he finds in the journal. Bad
news - the maid comes to clean the room and catches him in the Act. Good
news - the maid joins in the fun. More good news - the maid joins in the fun
a second time. Then she goes away and never sees him again for his entire
life. Imagine that.
This is a good story. In real life, things like this don't happen all that
often. For one thing, how often does the maid who comes upon the wanker both
(a) speak the same language and (b) want to have sex for free? In addition,
it seems likely that even a British adolescent would have the sense to use
the privacy lock to eliminate intruders. Nevertheless, this is an excellent
description of a typical adolescent fantasy.
"Lucid Dreamer" by Delta (delta@bc.sympatico.ca). Robert is a guy with a
physical disability, and his limp has impaired his capacity to hit it off
with interesting women. Other than that, he is a normal guy who likes to
hang out with his friends at a bar. He also has a crush on a woman whom he
observes from a bus. And most important (for this story, that is), he has
been trying to take control of his dreams. He wants to have "lucid dreams";
that is, he wants to become conscious of when he is dreaming and deliberately
let the dreams go where he wants them to go. He has read a book about it,
and by darn it should work! In fact, he has his eye on a lady whom he has
never met. All he knows is that she's beautiful and wears a wedding ring.
But if he ever became lucid in a dream, he had plans for that lady.
But then he meets Trudi, the girl of his dreams - literally. And then the
story gets complicated. I'm not going to try to summarize it. Let's just
say that it's a nice story that blends romance with the paranormal - sort of
like the movie "Ghost." If you're at all familiar with Delta's other stories,
you can easily suspect that this one might be good.
A technical note: Delta is a wonderful writer - Delta's worst stories are
better than I could ever write myself; and so the following "advice" needs to
be taken with a grain of salt. Delta posted this story in serial format -
one chapter at a time. I reviewed the first chapter (and I am repeating part
of that review here) and then I waited until the whole thing was finished
before I read and reviewed the whole story. In a cover letter Delta pointed
out that the characters had changed as the plot developed - and, indeed, that
the basic plot had changed in several ways. If this is the case, then it
seems to me that it would have been sensible to CHANGE some of the earlier
parts in view of these alterations; but since the earlier chapters had
already "gone to press," this was impossible.
A large number of authors employ this serial format. I suppose a major
reason is that they want to get reactions and feedback from readers. Some
authors get started and then simply quit after one or two chapters; but it
seems to me that even those who continue may be hurting their cause.
Wouldn't it be better to wait until the author him/herself knows EXACTLY how
the story will end before considering the earlier chapters to be finished?
It seems to me that authors limit themselves by locking themselves into
characterizations or plot elements that either prevent development or make
development awkward in view of earlier statements that could easily be
changed if they were not already etched in stone.
Back to the present story - and to my original review! I have some theories
of my own about dreams. First, I have discovered that my own dreams aren't
all that interesting. These stories, for example, are usually a lot more
interesting than my dreams. I used to think my dreams were interesting, and
once I decided (like Robert in this story) to write down my really good ones.
For this purpose I kept a notepad by my bed. I had a really great dream one
night, and I jotted down some notes. Since it was a sexy dream, I cut the
notes short and cuddled up against my husband's ass, hoping to get back into
the dream. I drifted orgasmically back to sleep. The next morning at
breakfast I remembered my dream. Knowing that I could write a best-selling
novel based on that dream, I rushed back to the bedroom and retrieved the
notepad. The notes easily enabled me to recall the entire dream. It was one
of the stupidest stories I had ever heard of - even worse than some of the
ones my sister-in-law has described at the dinner table. Within a week I
discovered that MOST of my dreams became inane under close scrutiny. The
dreams were often really fun to have, but that must have because in my sleepy
stupor I focused on key details and ignored fairly obvious inconsistencies.
My dreams simply did not have complete and coherent plots; they fell apart
under even superficial analysis. In addition, they reeked of plagiarism.
Since the critical examinations were ruining my dream-sex-life, I threw the
notepad away.
Second, I believe that the psychological "importance" of dreams is overrated.
Freud may have been a bright guy, but most dreams are not worth
"interpreting." I find that my dreams are just as likely to be influenced by
what's on television while I sleep, by noises outside my window, and by what
I read as by "subconscious feelings" that can give any meaning to my life.
My dreams are especially likely to be influenced by a pair of lips or a
tongue on the right part of my anatomy during the hour or so before I am
scheduled to wake up; but it doesn't require psychoanalysis to figure out why
this is so.
Third, I have tried something similar to what Robert does in this story. I
have this personality flaw called a conscience that prohibits me from doing
some really neat things - like making love to my husband's best friend,
eating the pussy of one of the women I teach with, and engaging in a gangbang
with some attractive and athletic people. I don't object to having this
conscience rule my life; I honestly believe that bad things would happen in
real life if I just threw aside my moral code of conduct. But what pisses me
off is that this conscience runs not only my real life, but also my
dream-life.
A while ago, for example, I was out jogging in the early morning with my
husband, when we came upon a blue-eyed blond in a really sexy body suit. She
was lying by the side of a beautiful lake, masturbating. When she noticed
us, she moaned, gave a come-hither look that brought my husband's cock to
attention, and invited us to join her. Then I found myself saying, "No, we
shouldn't do this." My husband replied, "Why not?". My cunt got this really
warm feeling, and I said to myself, "I think I'm dreaming." Then I
continued, "If this is a dream, I can go ahead...." But then the mere fact
that I was thinking that it might be a dream caused me to awaken from the
dream.
Fortunately, my husband is great about things like this. He has given me
permission to cuddle up to him and bang away whenever I feel the urge. He
doesn't even care whether I awaken him or not, and I can include anyone I
want in my fantasies. Just once I'd like to go ahead with the original dream;
but the first time I do that, I'm certain I'll discover that it wasn't a
dream after all.
See what I mean? The analysis of my dreams can get really boring. Delta has
now finished this story, and I still haven't resolved my dilemma. But I can
dream, can't I?
"Minding Mike" by Paddy Toute (Paddy22@aol.com). Most local newspapers have
a self-help column - "Hints for the Happy Homemaker" or "Tool Time" or
something like that - what to do when an unusual problem occurs. Personally,
I just use the World Wide Web, but I'm not sure what search words I'd use on
the Excite Search Engine for the problem presented in this story. It's an
ordinary problem. I have encountered it myself several times when I have
been asked to baby-sit for a neighborhood teenager who has been in an
accident and has to go to the bathroom but he can't get out of bed and his
fingers are so thoroughly wrapped in bandages that he can't aim his own
pecker into the bottle that he keeps under the bed for such emergencies.
That's not the problem, of course: anyone who can think and chew gum at the
same time can handle that part easily enough <g>. The problem occurs when
the helper helps the helpee put the penis inside the narrowing opening of the
bottle but the helpee's little weenie for whatever reason becomes engorged
with blood and increases in girth to the extent that it presses firmly
against the sides of the bottle, thus inhibiting both intinction and removal.
Now there's a problem that could easily get out of hand!
The nice thing about this story is that the author knows when to stop.
"Shorts Stories" - by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). These are short stories
at least partially about shorts. In the first story the guy goes into the
exercise room at a motel and sees a sexy woman in shorts. His goal is to get
into her shorts. He offers to give her a massage, and she agrees as long as
there is no funny business. I guess it all depends on how you define "funny"
and "business." A major difference between this and the previous story is
that the pick-up process is a lot more creative.
In the second story the guy lies down on the beach in a position that lines
him up perfectly with two sunbathing girls. If their genders were reversed,
they would have a beaver shot; but I don't remember exactly what you call it
when you can look up and see a guy's erection up the loose leg of his shorts
while he sunbathes. Anyway, he takes a nap and then incorporates this into
his pick-up line.
"Some Things Just Happen" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). After a
voyeuristic introduction, the author plunges us into a story about a man and
a woman who meet on a park bench in the Boston area and are forced by a
sudden rainstorm to take refuge in his nearby condominium, where they make
tender love. The combination of naturalness and humor in the author's
delivery and dialogue is wonderful. This is a beautiful story, and I won't
ruin it by trying to summarize it any further.
"Tabitha" by MountainTop (Topspace4@aol.com). This story is a blend of what
appears to be accurate information about some of the women who work in
stripper bars and the narrator's fantasy about what he would like to have
done with one of these women. The narrator visits a bar while he is away on
a business trip, and he meets Tabitha, who has sexual interests that are
similar to his own. At first she gets to know him by reading his stories and
then she ventures off to his motel with him. They don't actually copulate,
but they engage in several erotic D&s activities together.
My criticism of many D&s stories is that they often don't make sense to an
outsider. That may be fine for the author, if he wants to write only for
insiders - people who are already turned on to D&s and simply want to see
some stereotypical rituals performed in a different context. This author
avoids that pitfall: as I read the story I got the impression that I was
experiencing some aspects of life that were not familiar to me, and they made
sense to me. I'm not inspired to go out and try the same things, but I have
s slightly better understanding of people who do so. I appreciate that in a
story.
I might add that my own experiences with stripper bars have been far
different from this. I have visited such establishments only when I was out
of town (far from my students, their parents, and school board members) and
in the company of my husband. My impression has been that these are often
tawdry places where the dancers are extremely artificial and not all that
attractive and have a lot more pressing things on their rather mundane minds
than revealing their titillating personalities or having philosophical
discussions with fascinating customers. Of course, maybe one gets a
different response if one selects the establishment more carefully, tips more
robustly, and isn't obviously accompanied by one's spouse.
"Teasers 2" by Vickie Tern(VickieTern@aol.com). I first met Robert Browning
under the sterile tutelage of a nun whom I shall refer to as Sister Mary
Poetry. I was shocked that semester by the comment of one of my classmates
who said that what SMP really needed was to get laid. I met her at a
subsequent class reunion and discovered that several years after I graduated,
Sister left the convent and did indeed get laid - probably more often and
with richer variety than almost anyone we have read about on a.s.s. However,
by the time of our reunion, she had a Ph.D. in English, was a Little League
mother driving a station wagon, and was happily married to her third husband.
Anyway, under her instruction I discovered that Robert Browning was boring as
hell, and I could not understand what Elizabeth Barrett saw in him that would
make her want to count the ways she loved him. Then in college I had an
English prof who read "My Last Duchess" out loud to me correctly, and I
discovered that it was a magnificent but concise revelation of the character
of the person who was describing his previous wife in that poem. All of this
has nothing to do with the present set of "teasers," except that some of them
reminded me strongly of Browning's poetry. That is, I thought at first that
I was reading a really simple description, and then suddenly I realized I was
reading about something a lot different and substantially more shocking than
had been my original impression.
This author does something similar with this set of "teasers." They vary
greatly in quality and in subject matter, but they generally have a narrator
telling a story in which a sudden twist occurs that left me with a completely
different impression than I thought I was going to get from the story.
I like these teasers. I like them so much that I am going to proclaim the
Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest. The rules are that the story must in
some way be about sex and must be restricted to 500 words or less. In
addition, the story should include some sort of unusual twist - like the
unexpected self-revelation in "My Last Duchess" or the surprise endings in
several of Vickie Tern's or Deirdre's stories. If you wish, you can submit
several super-short stories together (as this author has now done on two
occasions), or you can post them separately under separate titles. However,
I'll give first prize to the best STORY, not to the best collection. The
deadline for submissions will be June 3, which my calendar tells me is the
date on which the Catholic Church will celebrate the feast of St. Charles
Lwanga and his companions.
"Tricia" by daVinci (rmbte1@ix.netcom.com). The narrator used to teach
literature to Tricia back in high school. In the intervening four years he
has fantasized about her: boy meets girl, boy fucks girl into coma, boy can
get some sleep. Now Tricia has come to visit, and she tells her former
teacher that she'd like to become better at sex. The star actress of his
mental movies has come to him and said, "We should try to get together." The
narrator overcomes his reluctance and helps out - repeatedly.
Will she merely use the narrator in order to develop her skills and return to
the wretchedly inept Peter back in her home town? Or will they realize that
they belong together and live happily ever after? Or will Peter come to join
them? You'll have to read the story to find out. I WILL mention, however,
that Tricia gets over her prudish reluctance to engage in oral sexual
activity. I found this to be a stimulating and interesting story.
The word for today is "disinterested." It means free of bias and
self-interest - impartial. When the narrator expressed concern that Tricia
would perceive him to be disinterested, he probably meant "uninterested."
The distinction is worth preserving, especially if you ever have to judge a
beauty contest, where you are allowed to be interested but are supposed to be
disinterested.
"Women Are Stupid" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). The title sounds a bit
controversial. Let me ruin it for you: the title refers to the empirical
phenomenon that women are stupid enough to have sex with a dumb fuck like the
author without seeking appropriate rewards while they have him by the balls,
so to speak. I guess he may have a point there.
The gist of the story is that the narrator has the same first and last name
as a person whose name appears on the masthead of Playboy Magazine, and so he
passes himself off as that esteemed person. Using this as a pickup line, he
attracts women by the hundreds to his garret, and invariably they extend
sexual favors to him in order to cast themselves in the best light. This
story creatively describes two of his exploits.
This is not the best thing ever written by Mike Hunt. That honor would go to
"The O'Stikkit Inn," which was apparently written by the OTHER Mike Hunt, who
never speaks in a demeaning way about his favorite half of the population.
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