Message-ID: <62520asstr$1359180605@assm.asstr.org>
From: Ed Rider <edrider73@gmail.com>
Subject: {ASSM} Refi
Lines: 754
Date: Sat, 26 Jan 2013 01:10:05 -0500
Path: assm.asstr.org!not-for-mail
Approved: <assm@asstr.org>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d


<1st attachment, "Refi.txt" begin>

Refi



   By Ed Rider



   "Sit down, Mr.  and Mrs.  Bledsoe," said Fiona.  "I hope you weren't
waiting in front too long.  Yes, it's pretty bright in here with all the
lights turned on.  I like everything bright when papers need to be signed,
so everything is illuminated and there are no mistakes.

   "I know you called this morning, but I was busy running the numbers for
two other clients, and then I went straight to the club.  As soon as I got
off the treadmill, I checked for messages and found yours and called you
right back.

   "I'm glad you could come over to my house to sign the papers now,
because we don't have much time.  I didn't even have time to shower, so
please excuse me for being so smelly and sweaty in my workout clothes.  We
have only an hour and a half before I have to hop into the shower.  Don't
worry, it shouldn't take us nearly that long.  I have six other refis to
finish before 4 p.m.  -- all over town.  It's a bagel lunch on the run for
me today.

   "But I'm not complaining, because you have to make hay when the sun
shines, isn't that right, Mrs.  Bledsoe?  And with this rate drop, I can
save people lots of money and make my own house payments on this old thing.
So it's a win-win, right, Mr.  Bledsoe?

   "You know most of my customers, I'd say 95 per cent, are so appreciative
of my thoughtfulness and thoroughness that they can't thank me enough.  I
never ask them for anything, because that's not my style, but they call up
my boss and just gush.  Or they write her letters that get me all red in
the face when my boss makes me stand up and reads them to the entire office
at our weekly meeting.  They send me little gifts, and they send me so many
referrals that when the rates drop, I'm working day and night to get
everyone locked into a better deal.  I think you were a referral, weren't
you?

   "Of course, there are always those who are hard to please.  Instead of
making hay with them when the sun shines, I would like to tell them to
stick it where the sun doesn't shine.  Do you know what that means, Mrs. 
Bledsoe?  You do?

   "These are the folks who never return my calls.  They don't believe me
when I lay out the best deal I can give them.  They shop around with sleazy
lenders who lie to them, and when I show them how the points and closing
costs were switched on them so it would end up costing them more, they
accuse me of doing the same thing and making more money than I deserve. 
Then at the last minute, when they hear about another rate drop, they're
always calling every five minutes, because they're desperate to lock in
before the next swing.

   "Funny thing is, mostly these pains in the place where the sun doesn't
shine are my wealthiest customers.  The ten or twenty thousand I save them
is like a drop in the bucket for them.  It's almost funny how they will
disrupt their comfortable lives and do almost anything to lock in their
rates in the end.  In the end.  That's another word for the place I'd like
to tell them to stick it.  Ha ha!

   "Do you know people like that, Mr.  and Mrs.  Bledsoe?  No, please,
don't say a thing.  No need to apologize.  As I told you the first time we
met, I will do anything for my clients, no matter how inconsiderate they
are.  It's all a part of my business, and I've found ways to get
satisfaction from every situation, no matter how unpleasant.  So when you
walk out of here, you can be assured that your payments are going to be
$300 a month less and there will be no closing costs at all.

   "That's it.  I see some nice smiles on your faces.  You both look so
nice for Sunday morning.  Oh, you're going to your club for brunch from
here, and it's dressy.  When you tell your friends what a deal you got,
they are going to be so jealous.  I'm sure you won't tell them who gave it
to you.  No, no.  That's all right.  I have more than enough work.  You
have your fun with them.

   "OK.  Here are all the papers on the hassock in front of you.  Now where
is my pen?  It's funny, but with all the stuff that can be done on the
computer, you still need that pen to sign the papers and get that deal.

   "Oh no.  Thanks Mr.  Bledsoe, but I can't use your pen.  I need the pen
I used before.  Everyone's so suspicious nowadays that if the ink doesn't
match, it's kicked back, and then you might miss locking in the rate.

   "I'll look between the cushions of the couch.  Mr.  Bledsoe, would you
mind crawling under the dining room table and looking there.  And Mrs. 
Bledsoe, would you mind looking under the two chairs.  You'll have to lift
up the fabric, because it's dark under there, almost as dark as where the
sun doesn't shine.  Ha ha!

   "Don't worry, my carpets are spotless.  They're so thick and soft that
sometimes I just fall down and stretch out on them when I come home
exhausted.  And they have that special treatment, so that they never get
stained and everything that spills on them is easy to clean up.

   "Well, if you don't help me look, it might take me a while to find that
pen, and I'm sorry, but if we run out of time, I won't be able to get back
to you today.  Oh, thanks for helping.  That's it, Mrs.  Bledsoe, go all
around those chairs and look really hard.

   "Well, thank you both.  I couldn't find it, and I see you couldn't
either, but I thought of another place to look.  That's right, come back
here.  I see you staring.  Yes, I know it's unusual, but sometimes pens
fall into the strangest places.  That's why I removed my shorts and
underwear and shoes and am sitting on the couch with my feet up on it and
my knees spread wide.

   "I think the pen might be in that big black bush between my legs.  It's
hard for me to see, but Mr.  Bledsoe might be able to spot it if he gets
close enough.  Don't worry, I'm not embarrassed.  We need to find that pen,
and I'll do what it takes."

   "You think it's time for you to leave, Mr.  and Mrs.  Bledsoe.  I can
understand.  You don't want to be late to your brunch.  It's too bad,
because the rates changed yesterday, and they went up a half point.  It
looks like the start of an upward cycle.  But I locked you in before the
change.  If we can get the papers signed this afternoon, you'll get in
under the wire.  Tomorrow is too late.

   "There's not enough time for you to see anyone else, because all of my
competition is doing the same thing I am today, getting papers signed for
the customers who've been waiting.  And I'm sorry, but I don't have any
time later today to see you.

   "But that's OK.  Maybe the rates will come down again eventually, or you
can find someone else who can deal with your personalities better than I
can.  I wish you both the best of luck.

   "Oh yes, please talk it over, Mr.  and Mrs.  Bledsoe.  You can go in the
kitchen if you want."

   "Well, that didn't take long.  I think Mr.  Bledsoe can be very
persuasive.  Don't you agree, Mrs.  Bledsoe?  That's why he's so
successful.

   "Yes, come over here, Mr.  Bledsoe.  That's right, between my legs.  Do
you see anything?  No?  Why don't you get a little closer.  Yes, it's hard
to bend down that far.  Maybe you should get down on your knees.  It won't
hurt because my carpet's deep and soft.  That's it.  Now come real close.
Oh, I feel your face pressing against that big bush there.

   "Oh, I see the smell is strong for you.  Take a moment.  It's just the
natural smell of vegetation, and sometimes the sap is running.  Are you
ready again?  Why don't you take off your shirt and undershirt?  We don't
want to get any spots on them, do we?  You might as well take off the rest
of your clothes, too.

   "That's it.  Now why don't you use your hands and pull the bush back
very gently?  That's it.  Do you see that parting in the middle of the
bush? The pen might be in there.  It's so narrow, but you might be able to
pry it open with your tongue.  Want to try?  Good.  Now run your tongue up
and down there gently and probe it to see if you can get in between.

   "That's it.  It feels like it's opening up.  Mrs.  Bledsoe, why don't
you get next to your husband so you can see better.  Sometimes four eyes
are better than two.

   "Oh you don't?  Well, would you like to go back into the kitchen with
your husband and talk it over again?  Oh, here you come.  I love it when
married couples can communicate with just a glance.  Mr.  Bledsoe didn't
need to say a word when he looked at you, did he?  There, yes, get your
face really close so you can spot the pen if Mr.  Bledsoe's tongue uncovers
it.

   "Do you see how the fold is opening up thanks to Mr.  Bledsoe's tongue,
Mrs.  Bledsoe.  It's probably bright red, and there's a lot of sap coming
out.  Yes, Mr.  Bledsoe, lap it up.  Now it feels like it's wide open.  Mr.
Bledsoe, can you push your mouth hard against the opening and start probing
inside for the pen.  That's it, push that tongue in as far as it will go
and move it around inside.  Feel anything?  No?

   "Maybe Mrs.  Bledsoe can do better.  I think her tongue might be
slightly longer.  Why don't you let her have a chance?  I'm waiting. 
That's it Mr.  Bledsoe.  You moved her right between my legs, and now your
hands are directing her mouth right into the juicy opening.  You can let
her go now.  I think she's got the idea.

   "Do you feel all that damp hair on your cheeks, Mrs.  Bledsoe?  It feels
so good to me rubbing against your soft skin, almost like you're stroking
the bush with your face.  That's it, push through that jungle.  Now stick
your tongue out into that red juicy area.  Oops.  Don't worry.  It's just
the gag reflex.  Sometimes it comes up for no good reason.  Take a moment
and breathe deeply.  OK, back into the jungle.  See, you get used to the
smell.  Do you taste any sap yet?

   "You've stopped.  Yes, you're right.  You better take off that beautiful
frilly top.  My, what a sexy, expensive looking red bra you have
underneath. You certainly have a lot to hold up.  Wow!  Look at those
breasts spilling out when you unhook the bra.  You're still young and firm,
aren't you?  I bet you like to tease all the guys at the club.  Am I right?

   "Yes, you might as well take off the rest of your clothes, too.  That's
it.  Fold them carefully and put them on that chair.  No stains for you. 
Now get that face back into the bush.  Now push your face further, like Mr.
Bledsoe did and wiggle that long tongue inside the hole as far as you can.
It feels like you're getting it.  Push more, more.  Wonderful.  No luck
though.

   "Well, we can try one more thing to open up the hole a little more and
check deeper.  Bring your head all the way back out of the bush and spread
the bush back with your hands.  Do you see that little nub that's all red
at the top of the opening?  That's a push button that can open the door
wider.  You need to push it with your tongue.

   "Thanks, Mr.  Bledsoe.  You understand.  Yes, guide your wife to the
button, so she can lick it and push it around with her tongue.  Ooooooh. 
She's got it now.  You can let her head go.  Oooooh.  Wonderful, Mrs. 
Bledsoe.  Do you see the hole opening up?  I guess you're too close now to
see, but I can feel it.  Now move your tongue faster, faster.  That's it.

   "In a moment, I'm going to put my hands around your head.  Don't worry.
All you have to do is focus on keeping that tongue going faster and faster.
Ooooh.  Now open your juicy mouth as wide as you can while your tongue is
pushing the button.  I'm going to pull your mouth tighter to me.  Keep
licking as long as you can, and don't worry if you can't because I'm
rubbing my bush and my button and juicy red opening across your mouth and
nose and chin.  Just push back, and it will be great.

   "OK, I'm starting to pull your head into me.  That's it.  Keep your
mouth open wide.  OK, I'm moving on your face.  Do you feel how out of
control I am?  Ooooooh.  Oooooh.  Eeeeeeeeee.

   "That was so good, Mrs.  Bledsoe.  It took me a whole minute to recover,
but I think I'm ready to continue the search.  It's too bad we didn't find
it in that clearing in the jungle, but I know of another place it might be.
It's a dark place, where the sun doesn't shine, but with your help, maybe
we can find that pen.

   "Here, let me get on the couch.  I love this couch, because it's almost
as wide as a small bed, and with the help of all these pillows, anyone can
get comfortable.  OK.  I'm all set.  I'm on my hands and knees, and my legs
wide apart as I can get them without falling off the couch.

   "Mrs.  Bledsoe, I want you to get behind me and put one hand on each
cheek.  Oh, is there a problem?  Do you want to talk in the kitchen again?
I see you shaking your head and Mr.  Bledsoe nodding his.  It seems he is
eager for you to help.  If you help, I'm sure we'll soon be done.

   "OK.  Thanks so much for being so helpful, Mrs.  Bledsoe.  As I was
saying, you need to kneel between my legs and put one hand on each cheek.
Now grab the cheeks and slowly pull them apart.  What do you see inside
there?  My boyfriends are always surprised at how much hair is there.  Not
as much as the front, but quite a bit.

   "Because of the treadmill and what we just did, I feel all sweaty back
there.  Is that what it looks like?  But it probably smells a little
different than the front.  You know what to do, don't you Mrs.  Bledsoe. 
Bend down and start licking through the hair up and down.  Maybe the pen
got stuck in the damp hair.

   "No, Mr.  Bledsoe, I don't think you need to direct her head.  Give her
a moment to breathe, and I'm sure she'll be fine.  There you go.  I can't
tell you how good your tongue feels as it's licking.  It's indescribable.
You are doing such a good job.  Up and down, up and down.  Do you see the
wrinkled round area toward the top?  I want you to focus your tongue on
that, because it seems the pen is not in the hair, and it might be hidden
inside that little bud.  We need to open it so we can see inside.  I'm
going to bend forward and push to open the wrinkled bud a little for you.
Is that helping?

   "Good, Mrs.  Bledsoe.  It feels like you're on the right track.  Can you
push your tongue inside that wrinkled bud?  What's that sound?  Oh, are you
recovered?  Good.  Sometimes involuntary reflexes come out of nowhere. 
Don't worry about it.

   "Now try pushing your tongue in.  I feel it licking, but not pushing. 
There, now there's a little push, but it's not getting in far.  I'm going
to help you Mrs.  Bledsoe.  Keep pushing your tongue in as hard as you can,
and I'm going to push out at you, sort of like I do when I -- well you
know. Nothing is going to come out, I'm sure, but it should open enough for
you to get your tongue in.

   "Are you ready.  Here I go.  OK, now push, push.  I feel something. 
Push some more.  That's it.  Don't stop.  Keep pushing.  Now open your
mouth wide so it covers the entire area and push in between my cheeks.  My
cheeks like your face so much, they want to swallow it completely so that
you'll be able to push the tongue a lot further, and maybe you can find my
pen.

   "I feel your mouth opening wide, but I don't feel much push.  Maybe this
is not going to work.  Ooooh.  That's it.  I feel your face squirming
around.  Let me turn my head and look.  Oh, I see your husband has come
over to help.  He's pushing you into me, but you seem like you're trying to
get your head away from him.

   "Don't be upset, Ms.  Bledsoe.  Sometimes your spouse knows what's best,
and you just need to go along.  It sure feels like you're deeper inside as
you're squirming and he's pushing.  Now stick that tongue out as far as you
can inside and I'll see if I can get Mr.  Bledsoe to stop pushing your
head.

   "There, that's got it.  Ooooh, Mrs.  Bledsoe.  You are the captain of
the search team.  You're soooo deep.  Mr.  Bledsoe, please let go of her
head.  She's doing great.  Ooooooh.  OK, Mrs.  Bledsoe, I think you've gone
as far as you can go.  You can take your tongue out.  Whoa!  You got that
out fast.

   "That's it.  Long breaths.  You are fine.  Now come over here by my face
and let me look at you.  I love the way your face looks, all sweaty and
grimy and smeary from my insides and your makeup.  No, don't wash up yet. I
want you to watch Mr.  Bledsoe go into the dark area where the sun doesn't
shine just like you did.  Maybe he can be more successful than you."

   "What's that, Mr.  Bledsoe.  You're having second thoughts about the
refi.  That's too bad after what Mrs.  Bledsoe just did for you.  You don't
think you can handle doing what she did?  I'm sorry, but we have to find
that pen.

   "What was that, Mrs.  Bledsoe?  You're sure he will change his mind. 
You certainly know your husband better than I do, but he seemed awfully
upset and he even used the word 'nauseated.' Oh, you're right, Mrs. 
Bledsoe.  I can feel his tongue running between my cheeks.  It's that
couples communication again, I guess.

   "That's good, Mr.  Bledsoe.  Do you feel how wet my hair is?  Some of
that moisture is Mrs.  Bledsoe's saliva.  Good, good.  OK, now get that
tongue onto the wrinkled hole and start pushing.  You're getting it further
than your wife, but I think I'll have to push again.  Here I go.  OK, now
push that tongue out.

   "Wheeeee!  Sorry, but you pushed so hard into me, my breath was taken
away.  How did you do that?  Oh, I see Mrs.  Bledsoe was using both of her
hands on the back of your head?  Did I hear her laugh?  She's enjoying
helping you push into me.  Now you're squirming and trying to get away just
like she was.  But she's not letting you.  This is really feeling good.

   "Are you ready to cooperate on one last attempt down there.  OK, Mrs. 
Bledsoe, please stop pushing him.  He's going to open his mouth wide and
push his head between my cheeks as far as it will go and also stick his
tongue out as far as he can and push deeper into me as I push my hole back
at him.  That's it, Mr.  Bledsoe, keep going.  You can go further.  I know
you can.  Great, I feel you really deep.

   "That's right, breathe through your nose.  I know the hair between my
cheeks is in your nose, but you can breath through the hair.  Smells great,
doesn't it?  OK, now I'm going to stop pushing and let my muscles tighten
over your tongue.  That feels great to me.  How does it feel to you, Mr. 
Bledsoe.  Oh, has the cat got your tongue?

   "Try to pull your tongue out now, Mr.  Bledsoe.  You can't, can you? 
It's because I'm holding it so tight.  It's a little trick I learned.  Your
tongue is trapped.  Can you see Mrs.  Bledsoe?  This is great.  OK, Mr. 
Bledsoe, I'm going to get off the couch and onto the carpet.  You just need
to follow me with your head so that my muscles don't rip your tongue out of
your mouth.  Ready, slowly, slowly, that's it.

   "No we're on the floor on our hands and knees with you right behind me.
We're like a choo-choo train.  Your car is connected to my car with your
tongue, and we're going to take a trip around the living room.  Mrs. 
Bledsoe will be the passenger.  She will ride on your back.  OK, all
aboard. That's it Mrs.  Bledsoe.  It's a good thing you're so petite,
except for those big breasts.  I'm sure that's why Mr.  Bledsoe was
attracted to you.

   "OK, the train is slowly leaving the station.  Keep up Mr.  Bledsoe or
your tongue and mouth are going to be pulled apart.  My ass muscles are
holding onto your tongue pretty tight.  As I move forward, push your face
as hard as you can into my ass.  That's it.  Now we're going around the
coffee table and picking up speed.  Good job, Mr.  Bledsoe.  It feels
almost like your entire head is up my ass.

   "We're on the home stretch back to the couch.  OK, slower, slower, and
stop.  OK, I'm going to push out again, and you can pull your tongue out
now Mr.  Bledsoe.  You were great, but we need to continue the search.

   Mrs.  Bledsoe, give Mr.  Bledsoe a congratulatory kiss and stick your
tongue into his mouth as far as it can go, so the two of you can exchange
juices from yourselves and from me.

   "Well, we've searched the room and we've searched me, so there's only
one place left to search.  I think we'll start with Mrs.  Bledsoe.  Yes,
I'm sure we're getting close to finding that pen and signing the papers. 
Absolutely sure.

   "Good, Mrs.  Bledsoe.  You certainly have a beautiful ass, as soft and
pretty and bouncy and round as your breasts.  I see you've shaved yourself
clean between the legs.  It's so nice of you to do that for Mr.  Bledsoe. I
know it's not that comfortable, whether you use a razor or wax.  I'm sure
he appreciates it a lot and always tells you so.  No?  Well, he's a busy
man, so maybe he sometimes forgets what you do for him.

   "Now lie down on the couch on your back, Mrs.  Bledsoe and get
comfortable.  I've put a large fluffy towel over the leather cushions to
make it nicer for you.  Mr.  Bledsoe, follow me to the kitchen please.

   "OK, Mr.  Bledsoe, here's the Crisco for you.  I want you to use a lot
of it, because the more you use, the less painful and uncomfortable it will
be for your wife.  There are only two more things to remember.  When we go
back to the living room, I want you to follow my instructions to the letter
until I blink twice.  That will signal that I want you to do the exact
opposite of what I tell you.  When I blink twice again, you'll go back to
doing what I say.  And then another two blinks, and you'll do the opposite
again.  Got it?  Good.  Don't worry I won't switch too many times.  But
keep an eye on me.

   "We're back, Mrs.  Bledsoe.  Have you ever done any yoga?  You do it
weekly.  Wonderful, then this won't be any trouble for you, I'm sure. 
First, I lift your legs up.  Yes, you certainly are limber.  I'm pulling
them back so your feet are both behind your head.  Now lock them there for
a moment.  There, that looks great.  Now, I'm taking your right arm and
laying it over your right leg, right behind your knee.  Now push your arm
down your side and reach under you and grab your thigh.  Let's do the same
with your left arm.

   "See what happens.  You've got your legs pulled back, and your arms are
locking them in place.  This pulls your rear off the bed and spreads your
hairless oyster so Mr.  Bledsoe has easier access to it.  Have you ever
used that position at home.  No?  Well, you're going to thank me, because
it really gives him deep penetration, so I'm sure you'll both enjoy it.

   "Mr.  Bledsoe, please stick your index finger into the Crisco and then
insert it.  See how easy it went in, Mrs.  Bledsoe?  Your position helps
tremendously.  Now, please get some more Crisco on two fingers and slowly
insert them, Mr.  Bledsoe.  Also easy.  Let's try three.  Three's as good
as two.  Move them in and out slowly.  Let's spread that Crisco all over
inside Mrs.  Bledsoe so she's not feeling any discomfort.

   "OK, time for four.  Easy as pie made with Crisco, isn't it.  In and out
slowly.  A little deeper.  Don't worry, your thumb sticking out to the side
will keep you from going too deep.  That's it.  Slowly in and out.  Good.

   "Now instead of pushing in four parallel fingers like you've been doing,
scrunch them together so they're more round and less flat.  Good.  Now tuck
the thumb underneath them.  You're hiding it away, so the fingers go in and
out just as easy.

   "Look at my eyes and listen, Mr.  Bledsoe.  I'm blinking.  You're doing
fine, but maybe go a little slower.  No, slower, not faster, Mr.  Bledsoe.
I don't think that's comfortable for your wife.  Do you hear her?  You may
be enjoying this, but she's asking you to go slower, too.  Please slow
down.

   "You're going even faster now.  Please listen to us.  You need to go
slower.  No, you've speeded up even more.  Be careful not to push while
you're going so fast.  Your fingers are moving in and out of your wife so
fast I can hardly see them.  They seem to be pushing deeper, too.

   "Your wife is screaming for you to stop pushing.  Can't you hear her. 
Slow down and stop pushing.  Mr.  Bledsoe, look.  Your entire hand just
went into your wife and you're buried in her up to the wrist.  Look at my
eyes, Mr.  Bledsoe.  You need to stop.  Stop!  That's it, now you're
listening.

   "Are you OK, Mrs.  Bledsoe.  You seem to be shaking.  We'll wait until
you can stop your sobbing.  Look me in the eyes, Mr.  Bledsoe.  I want you
to keep your hand absolutely still.  Don't move it around and whatever you
do, don't spread it out inside Mrs.  Bledsoe and wiggle your fingers.

   "It won't hurt her because of all the Crisco inside her, but it will
make her feel horrible.  What are you doing?  She says you're opening up
your fingers and wiggling.  No, don't do that.  Stop right now and don't
wiggle faster.  Don't you see how she's squirming in agony?  No, don't push
deeper into her.  No.

   "I don't think she can handle it.  Stop.  This is alarming.  Look at my
eyes.  Stop right there.  Good, you're listening to me now.  Do you hear
how she's panting and sobbing.  Did you feel the pen inside her yet?  No? I
guess it's not there.

   "It will be easier to get your husband's hand out if you are on your
stomach, Mrs.  Bledsoe.  Lift up your arms.  Good, now your legs are
released, Let's bring them back from your head, all the way down, slowly
and carefully.  Good, now roll over onto your stomach.  Your husband will
try to rotate his hand inside you in the direction of your roll.

   "That worked fine.  Now get up on your hands and knees.  Do you feel
that your husband's hand and arm aren't so tightly wedged anymore?  He's
going to slowly pull out of you.  That's it, Mr.  Bledsoe.  I see you
looking at Mrs.  Bledsoe's anus.  I don't blame you.  It's so round and
beautiful, and as you're pulling your arm out of her vagina, it's opening
the anus wider and wider.

   "Pay attention to me now, Mr.  Bledsoe and look at my eyes.  When your
hand gets close to coming out of her vagina make sure it's as narrow as
possible.  Don't make it into a fist because that makes it harder and more
painful to pull out.  You're close now.  What are you doing?  You've made a
fist, and it's preventing your hand from coming out.  Can't you hear her
screaming, Mr.  Bledsoe.  You're really tearing her apart with your fist as
you pull out.  It's slowing you down, too, but there, it finally popped
out.

   "No, Mr.  Bledsoe, don't push Crisco into her asshole.  I know when you
had your fist in her vagina, it made the anus open up a little, but what
you're doing must hurt.  No, no, don't put all five fingers in.  She's in
excruciating pain.  Can't you see?  Don't push, please.  You're pushing and
I see your fingers going into her anus bit by bit.  Oh my goodness, Mrs. 
Bledsoe.  You just swallowed his hand with your anus, just like you did
with your vagina.

   "Let's rest a minute.  I guess you thought the pen was in there, Mr. 
Bledsoe.  Is it?  No?  Look at me, Mr.  Bledsoe.  I don't want you to do
what you did before.  Stop, don't expand your hand inside her ass.  No
finger wiggling.  Stop!  What are you doing?  Mrs.  Bledsoe is going crazy.
No, don't push in further.  Are you nuts?  Don't try to get your arm up
there.  No!

   "Look at me, Mr.  Bledsoe.  Your arm is in halfway to the elbow.  That's
enough.  Have you found that pen?  No.  Then it's time to abandon the
search.  Now remember, come out slowly.  Look at me again and listen.

   "This time when your hand gets to her anus, be sure to make it as
compact as possible and whatever you do, don't yank it out when it's
halfway through, because that it will make her feel like you're ripping her
guts out.

   "I see you're almost there.  No!  What are you doing?  I told you not to
make a fist.  Why are you balling up your hand?  OK, careful now.  It's
just about halfway out.  Slowly.  Oh no!  What did you do?  You ripped it
out.  Look at that hole you left.  Yes, look at my eyes.  Now put your face
closer to the hole.  Yes, it's so big that it covers your face from the
forehead to the chin.  Push your face in further and look around in there.
Oops.  Are you suffocating.  OK, you can pull your head out know.  Your
face looks funny.  It's coated with Crisco and some other stuff.

   "See how your wife's anus is slowly returning to normal.  Everyone can
relax now.  I think I remembered where the pen is, and we'll have you out
of here in 10 minutes.  You can put on your clothes Mr.  and Mrs.  Bledsoe.

   "What's that, Mrs.  Bledsoe?  Why are you angry?  It's all over.  You've
got your refi deal that you and your husband worked so hard for.  All you
need to do is sign.

   "What's that?  You're not going to sign?  Why?  Because we haven't
searched for my pen everywhere yet.  Where else can we search?  Oh, that's
right.  It might be hidden in that other place that the sun doesn't shine.
I didn't think of that.  You think we should search there before we sign
the papers?  You say, you won't sign unless we search there first.  Did you
hear that, Mr.  Bledsoe?

   "Did I hear you say, forget the rate drop because it's not worth it, Mr.
Bledsoe?

   "Hold it, Mrs.  Bledsoe.  Don't do that to your husband.  I think you
hurt him when you slapped his face like that.  Please stop.  You're
slapping so hard that his face is flipping from side to side.  His cheeks
are starting to get really red.  That's right, Mr.  Bledsoe.  I can hear
you.  Mrs.  Bledsoe, you need to stop, because you're going to that nice
brunch and you don't want anyone to ask how his cheeks got so rosy.

   "No, don't do that.  You've started on his butt cheeks.  You say no one
will see them.  He's trying to crawl away, but you're following him.  He's
screaming at you, Mrs.  Bledsoe.  Please stop and talk to him.  That's it.
Let him catch his breath and listen to you.

   "I think he hears you telling him he's going to regret it if he doesn't
let you look for the pen.  I think he realizes you can inflict some real
damage when you're this angry.  He seems to be coming around.

   "That's it.  Lead him to the towel on the couch where you were.  Be
careful, there's a lot of Crisco on the towel, and it might get slippery.
That's it.  He's on his hands and knees.  Oh, you don't need any direction
from me, I see.  You're scooping up Crisco with two fingers and pushing it
inside him.  I think that's more than enough.  OK, OK, a few more scoops.

   "Well, it looks like you've got a mind of your own when it comes to
looking for my pen.  You're already pushing and pulling three fingers. 
Wait for a minute before you add the fourth.  Don't be in such a hurry. 
Can't you hear him moaning in agony.  You're laughing, but it doesn't sound
like a happy laugh.

   "OK, four fingers.  No, I didn't say to tuck the thumb in yet, but it
looks like it worked.  OK, now let's do this a little different from
before, Mrs.  Bledsoe.  I want you to pretend like your hand is a
hummingbird or maybe a vibrator.  You're vibrating in and out so fast,
nobody can see the hand.  That's it.  Now while you're vibrating, you're
slowly pushing your hand in.

   "Maybe you'll relate more to a dentist's drill.  It's vibrating
superfast, and then it slowly touches your tooth and pushes until the real
pain begins.  I see you like that.  Your laugh is a lot more normal now. 
You're having a good time.  But from the sound of it, your husband isn't.

   "See how the vibration and gentle pushing are getting more and more of
your hand in.  You've passed the first knuckle and now you're almost over
the second knuckle.  Now comes the widest part, with the second knuckle and
the fat flesh below the thumb.  Going, going, gone.  You're in all the way
to the wrist.

   "Stop a minute and smell the roses.  Actually, that smell isn't like
roses is it.  Wrinkle your nose, and maybe some of it will be blocked off.
Feel how your hand fits so snugly inside your husband.  You're moving your
head around the side to take a look at his face.  You're smiling at him
while he's making strange expressions.  You're a naughty girl, aren't you?

   "Well, you couldn't wait to open your hand and start wiggling fingers,
could you?  I can tell from the way Mr.  Bledsoe is squirming.  And now I
see you're starting to push into him.  I don't know if that's a good idea,
pulling out a little and then pushing back in a little further.  Maybe it
would be easier on him if you just pushed straight.  Oh, I see.  OK, it
seems to be working your way.  There, you're in to the elbow.  You want to
go further?  Well, on the Internet, I've seen women push all the way to the
shoulder inside men.  I think that's because women have more slender arms
than men.  Oh, you're over the elbow.  That really got a scream out of him.
Good thing my home is so insulated.  Slowly now.  There, there, you're over
the bicep and there, you're as far as you can go.  How does it feel wearing
your husband like a shoulder-length glove?

   "I have an idea.  Lean over and I'll whisper something in your ear. 
What do you think of that?  You're such a thoughtful wife, aren't you?  You
want your husband to get something out of this.  OK, now take your arm and
move it to the side.  His body will have to go with it and he'll lose his
balance and slide down on the Crisco that's covering the towel.  Good girl.
Your arm inside of him manipulated him like a hand puppet, and now he's on
his back.

   "OK, don't move while I get these pillows behind him to prop him up in a
sitting position.  Well, you're not listening to me, are you?  You're
pulling out and pushing in while I'm doing that.  I can see he's nearly out
of his mind from the pain.  OK, he's in the right position.  Now let's see
if you can give him some pleasure with his pain.

   "That's it.  Put your head down and suck him in.  He's just a wet
noodle, so you've got a real challenge.  You say you can suck a football
inside out.  Is that another reason he married you?  Of course it is.

   "Wow!  You're doing it.  I hear him starting to pant and his body is
moving forward toward your mouth.  It's like he's almost forgotten that
your arm is all the way inside him.  I think he's about to come.  Better
stop now.

   "Good.  Now let him get soft again.  I see you've pulled your arm out
all the way to the wrist.  Look at that greasy stuff covering it.  No,
maybe it's better not to look at it.  What are you doing now?  Oh, you're
making a fist and pulling it out and then pushing it back in.  That must
really hurt, because his moans are louder and his thing is a little noodle
again.

   "You're starting to suck him again.  It's going up faster this time. 
You are really talented.  OK, be careful, because he's ready to spurt.  I
think you let go just before he could release, because he really moaned
loudly.  He really wants to come.  Let's see if he's ready to participate
next time.

   "Oooh.  More in and out.  He's crying now.  His face is all splotchy
from sticking it into your anus.  I can't tell whether he's crying from
frustration because you won't let him have an orgasm or from the pain. 
Maybe both.  OK, it's all soft again.

   "Now you're sucking it in, and it's jumping up right away.  You're
bringing him closer and now you're sticking his hands in the Crisco and
telling him to start pumping himself.  He's not listening.  He's trying to
reach your head and push it back down onto him, but you've backed away, and
he can't reach it.  You keep telling him to start pumping himself, but he's
distracted because of your fist going in and out of him.

   "Too late.  He's starting to droop again.  And there goes your head, in
go your cheeks and up goes his tool again.  That was fast.  He's breathing
heavily as you suck and go up and down with your head.  He really screamed
when you took your mouth away this time.  You're closing his fingers around
his tool and pumping it up and down a couple of times for him.  Now you're
letting go, and his hand is falling off and reaching for your head.  He is
begging, but he sees your mouth is not going to suck him anymore, and it's
up to him.

   "There, he's starting to pump.  I see you're matching his pace with your
fist and his body is twisting and trying to escape.  He's screaming in
agony even while I hear his breathing starting to speed up from the arousal
of his hands.  How can he come when he's in all that pain?

   "His hand is going faster now, and you're keeping up with his pace. 
He's panting now, between his screams, and I hear you panting, too, Mrs. 
Bledsoe.  You must really be turned on, because your face is all red.

   "Blast off!  Wow, I don't think I've ever seen anything like that.  He
launched his sperm a mile in the air while you were pounding into him like
a giant piston.  And that last scream was amazing.  He's really exhausted
now.  See how he's slumped over.

   "Now roll him over again.  Yes, you're right, Mrs.  Bledsoe.  It's a
funny feeling when your arm is all the way up inside him, like he's a
living puppet and you are the puppeteer.  You say you liked the feeling and
want to do this again.  Well, that's up to you and your husband.  Maybe you
can work it out.  I know some wives offer things to their husbands in
return for other things.  And some wives withhold things until they get
what they want.  Do you ever do that?  You're way ahead of me, Mrs. 
Bledsoe.

   "OK, time to remove your hand from his anus.  I see you've made it into
a fist again.  I think I know what's coming.

   "You did it.  That was one huge scream as you yanked it out of him.  Now
see that huge hole.  You've got to push your face into it.  It's only fair.
He did it for you.  Oh my.  Your head is a lot smaller than his, and his
hole is a lot larger than yours.  You're going in over the forehead and
under the chin.  Your entire face up to your ears is inside his anus.  Try
to wiggle it around.  Wow, you should have seen his expression.  OK, now
pull your face out.  Wow, look at you.  Well, maybe you shouldn't.

   "No, don't clean it off yet.  I want you to sit down next to Mr. 
Bledsoe and give him a hug and a great big kiss.  You're laughing
hysterically, Mrs.  Bledsoe.  That's great.  OK, stick your tongue in deep
and let's mix all those fluids from the last hour.  Wonderful.  OK, you two
lovebirds.  It's off to the bathroom with you.  There's a nice shower
there, and I've got clean towels waiting for you.  I'll bring your clothes
in so you can get dressed and be all spiffy for the luncheon."

   "That didn't take long.  The two of you look as good as new.  Look, I've
found my pen, and we're ready to sign the papers.  What a morning!  I'm
going to enjoy reliving it.  And I'll give you a copy of the video, too. 
I'll even give you two separate disks.  One of Mr.  Bledsoe in action for
Mrs.  Bledsoe, and the other of Mrs.  Bledsoe for Mr.  Bledsoe.  I'm sure
they will be a great comfort to each of you whenever you have a nasty
argument.

   "Oh, you don't understand.  Do you see over there, and over there and up
there and down over there.  Those are video cameras.  I always like to
video my happy clients when we sign the papers, so they have been running
the whole time.  I'm going to enjoy watching those videos, and as I said,
you'll get a copy, too.

   "Don't worry, I'm not going to share them with anyone.  No, the videos
won't show up on those amateur porn sites.  You enjoy them, too, I see, Mr.
Bledsoe.  That's where I got some of my ideas for today.  Maybe Mrs. 
Bledsoe will want you to share some of them now, because she might also get
some great ideas.  I see you nodding, Mrs.  Bledsoe.

   "Well, I shouldn't say no one else will ever see them, because I don't
want to lie.  It's up to you.  I want to keep them strictly between us. 
But if I run across anyone who has business dealings with you after today,
whether it's a bank teller or a barista or a waitress or a plumber or a car
salesman, I'm going to ask some questions.  I'm sure they'll tell me now
nice and courteous you were and what a pleasure it was to deal with you and
how well you tipped, and when they do, I'm going to laugh and tell them you
weren't always that way.  I'm sure you'll be so nice that they won't
believe me.

   "But if they tell me that you were demanding, obnoxious and
inconsiderate, I'm going to ask them if they'd like to come over here some
night for coffee and to watch a special video that shows a different side
of the two of you.  Oh, say no more.  I'm sure that will never happen.

   "OK, sign right here, and you're on your way to brunch.  See, it didn't
take long at all.  You're now locked in to the rate drop. 
Congratulations!" 

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