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Subject: {ASSM} Story  OES-139 The Many Tongues Of Love by Mike Phillips courtesy of AdultBookCovers.Net 06570273
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   OES-139 The Many Tongues Of Love by Mike Phillips

   Chapter 1 Frieda

   "Far out, man!  I mean it's a gas you want to know about my sex life.  I
feel like Geraldine and I wanna say, 'I don't do windows but I do suck
cocks!'

   "And baby-child, that's what I do and I do it better than just about
anyone I can think of.  My boyfriend-I call him Honky because it gets him
mad and I love to tease him-he says to me, 'Man, I'll bet so-and so can do
my big black dick real justice,' as he's watching her on the late news. 
And I look at him and say, 'Listen, baby, I know So-and-so is one together
chick, but I know I could teach her a few things about sucking cock!'

   "He just looks at me and leans back in the chair and he says, 'Frieda,
my load's buildin' up in there and I'm gonna beat it off unless you get
down there and do somethin' about it fast!'

   "So I do a whole number, you know, pretending that I don t want to ... I
stand up and click off the fucking TV-I hate television-and I put on a
record-Aretha or maybe B.  B.  King-and start to dance right there.  In
front of him.  My man looks up at me and watches my titties swinging just
above his bushy head and he's getting hotter than hell.  I see that old
black magic rising in his pants and my pussy starts in quivering and
shaking and itching.  I start opening the buttons on my dress-it's very
tight and long and slinky, very 40's; Honky loves anything that clings to
my body-and he's sitting there with sweat pouring all down his shiny
forehead.

   "Honky is some man, let me tell you!  He's twenty-seven and he's really
got it together.  He's tall and muscular and strong, and has a cock on him
like none I've ever seen and I've seen them all, and you'd better believe
it.  When they say Black Power honey they're talking about my Honky.  Every
chick I know wants him to ball her, every chick I know wants to nibble on
his dick.  But that is reserved for me and me alone, and I'm good at it. 
Holy Jesus in Alabama, I'm damn good at it!

   "So, anyway, 'I'm dancing around the room and I pull my dress open just
enough for one of my titties to fallout.  He looks up and sees it and licks
his lips.  He's stoned-we shared a joint of good grass just before the
news-and he feels mellow and sexy.  His cock is so hard it's practically
ripping through his pants.  I can already see it in front of my lips.  I
can taste it, I can feel the creamy liquid going down my throat.

   "'Frieda, come on here, girl, and suck my dick ...  baby, baby, baby.'
Aretha is blasting and he's writhing in time with the music, moving his ass
on the cushions of the couch.  I finger my left breast and the nipple is
hard, rigid.  I hold it and bend down, squeezing it above his face, right
in front of his eyes.  He puts his tongue out and I give him a little lick
of the tip, and then pull it away.  He groans and sinks deeper into the
chair.

   "I pull my dress down to my waist and dance like that, with my hands in
the air, feeling like Aretha myself, pretending to be on a stage, in front
of men, lots of men, all looking like my baby-man Honky, all sitting out
there with their dicks in their hands, beating off as they watch me strip
in front of them.  Then, after I'm done, when I'm turned on, I'll suck each
of them, crawling on my knees down the rows, taking each big black dick in
my mouth and never letting them forget what it's like to be sucked by a
superstar!

   "And, man, I got fantasies, and I live them out.  I suck cock, all kinds
of cock, and I suck it good, man, real good!  Us black chicks weren't born
with nice full thick lips for nothing, you know?  When my mammy was nursin'
me-down in Alabama-when I was suckin' on her big fat thick nipple-I was
already preparing for a future of sucking something other than nipples. 
The preacher used to say, 'Sister Bertha, Frieda is gonna grow up to sing
in the choir!  She moves her lips night and day!'

   "And I did sing in the choir, till one day the choir-master pulled up
his robe when we were alone after rehearsal and he told me the Lord said to
him that it was time to teach little Frieda about love.  He pulled out his
long black shaft and told me to get on my knees and pray.  I prayed, all
right, with that thing down my throat, till he shot so much jism in my
throat, I thought I'd pass out right there in the church!  That was the
night I got religion!  And that was the night I realized I had better get
outta Alabama, cause singing in the choir was no good for this girl any
more!

   "So here I am in Chicago, and Hanky keeps me and makes me his woman and
loves me, and life is easy, you know?  I got my music, I got my books, I
got my dope and my man's cock.  What more can a girl ask?  If you ask me,
baby, that's soul!  One crazy nigger, he says to me once, 'Frieda, baby,
you got soul!'

   "I say, 'How come you say that, Bernard?  You flying-on mescaline
again?'

   "Frieda baby.' he shouts like I was ten miles away, 'Hanky tells me how
you suck the livin' devil outta his cock and a chick who do that, she's got
soul!'

   "I got soul, and don't you forget it.  Anyway, I'm using all the soul I
can muster up as I let my dress slip down, down, down, till the hairs on my
pussy show.  Then I take a deep breath and hold it in and give a big bump
with my hips and the dress slides down to the floor and I stand there,
flash in' my pussy in all its glory, right in front of my baby-man.

   "He's going crazy, nuts, bananas.  He's rubbing his cock so hard I think
his pants are going to give out!

   "You gonna suck me, Frieda honey, sugar?'

   "Why Hanky, how dare you suggest something so awful?  I'm just dancing.'
I'm all innocence now.

   "Frieda honey, I got something for you I think you're gonna like ... 
far far fucking out.'

   "He's zonked and I love it.  He throws his head back and opens the
silver buttons on his fly-he's a fantastic dresser, Hanky-and then undoes
his belt.  All the time I'm still standing there naked, just moving my hips
with my feet planted on the floor.  I'm listening to Aretha and watching my
man and having a hell of a time!

   "All of a sudden I see it.  The light from the candles make it shine,
glow.  It's almost eleven inches long, and so thick I've never been able to
put my hand around it all the way.  He's holding it by the base, waving it
in the air, flopping it around.  I look down and put my hand to my mouth,
pretending to be offended by such a sight.

   "Baby, it wants you.'

   "I just bat my eyes and place one hand on my pussy.  'It wants to go in
me, here?' I ask, rubbing my fingers over my slit.

   "Let me tell you something, girl, you're just gonna get down on your
knees and suck it hard, you hear?' He's really excited now, and he starts
pulling his pants down to his ankles.  I kneel down and unzip his white and
black checkered boots with real tall heels.  He kicks them off as I lean
back and soon his pants are off and he's sitting there in a tight shirt and
his sox.

   "I run my fingers up his hairy legs and stop just under his balls. 
Hanky has two nuts to match his cock-incredible!  Once my girl friend
Bernice was staying with us and she walked in the bedroom when Honky was
fucking my mouth and she saw It from behind.  He was going at it like
wildfire, and she said his balls were banging against my chin like those
big balls they use to knock buildings down with, the kind that swing from a
crane.  Well, skit, man, his balls swing from his crotch, but they easily
could knock down any building!  He could raze the entire city of Chicago
in/twenty minutes if he'd just spread his legs and let them go!

   "Wheee!  I'm getting carried away.  Anyhow, I played with him like that,
getting him all excited as he began smoking another joint.  Oh shit, man,
listen to me!  I'm telling it like a story from yesterday, and I want it to
be happening for you now! ...

   "So, Honky spreads his legs wide and moves his ass down in the chair
some more till his balls hang over the edge of the cushion.  I take them in
my hand and look up at his cock, and see it lying against his stomach.  He
is in another world, puffing on his joint, putting all his feeling and soul
into the place I'm at-in his balls and cock and tight asshole.

   "And man, I'm so excited I think I'm gonna cream right there on the
floor.  My pussy is dripping already, I can feel it..  I touch it with my
fingers and resist fucking myself 'cause I know I'll come easily and I
wanna save that moment for my man, 'cause he loves to finger me when he
shoots in my mouth.

   "So Honky puts his arms out over the top of the couch and lets me go to
town; And baby, I'm going to the fucking moon down there, let me tell you!
I start licking his balls, like a little dog, you know?  I do it with long,
even strokes, running the entire length of my tongue over each globe,
stopping just at the bottom of his thick cock.  Then I kiss each one,
taking turns, until I start drawing each one into my lips a little.

   'Baby, oh baby,' my baby-man says.  His cock looks like it's gonna
explode right now!  He's flying in the stars, and I'm doing it to him, and
the feeling is far out, really far out!  There ain't nothin' like it!

   "I suck on one of his balls and then open my mouth real wide and pull
them both in.  It isn't easy, cause they're so big, but I can do it.  I've
had enough practice.  He loves it.  He starts moaning like a baby-that's
why I can him my baby-man, 'cause' he's such a big stud and when I have him
under my sexual power he's just a baby-and I suck his nuts in and out,
driving him out of his ever-loving black mind!

   "Then I pull my lips away and roll his balls in my fingertips, caressing
them.  Because they're so wet with my saliva, they move easily.  The
hairs-...  man, he's a hairy motherfucker!-are rough and thick.  I pull
them and twist them.  He moans' and sighs and moves his ass cheeks deeper
into the couch.  I know he wants me on his dick, but I'm gonna let him beg
for it ...

   "I move my pussy against his leg and he feels the hair.  He lifts his
foot and I can feel the bone of his leg cutting against my cunt lips,
pushing them open.  My juices make his leg wet and he pulls up so his sock
touches my cunt, and it dries my thighs a little.  That does more to me and
I feel even more excited.  I can't stand it.  I gotta have his dick in my
lips.

   "Honey baby, your pussy's drippin' all over the rug ...  ' he whispers,
smiling.

   "Don't you worry about that none, the rug's already fulla your jism.'

   "He smiles some more and reaches down and grabs the base of his cock
with his right hand.  He lifts it off his belly and holds it up in the air.
'Come on, honey, suck this beautiful dick ...  '

   "He knows he's got the best-lookin' black dick in all Chicago.  He's the
biggest stud I've ever seen and I'm always amazed that I'm his woman. 
Everyone wants him, everyone wants to fuck with him.  But what they don't
know is he likes getting sucked more than anything, and I'm the best blow
job in the goddamned world.

   "And I'm gonna give it to him.  He holds his cock there .as I move
closer to it.  My nipples brush against his thighs and I press down so his
balls are between them, between my tits.  He gasps and moves his
cockhead-it's huge, bigger and rounder than you could imagine-against me
and I lift my head so it touches under my neck.  He squirms and then drops
it and moves his hands back to the top of the couch.

   "Then I bring my fingers up and start caressing that gorgeous tool. 
Man, it's big.  I've never seen another guy quite so big-well, that's not
true.  I've sucked a few black studs who were just about as big, I guess.
But I've never met a white guy with a cock like Honky's.  They say black
meat is the best, and they sure as hell know what the fuck they're talking
about!  I'll suck a white cock anytime if I like the guy, but baby, it'll
never come near satisfying me like a big thick black dick will.  I think
it's what I'm on this earth for.  That's why I got my little ass out of
Alabama.  Those Southern niggers are too up tight, too afraid, George
Wallace and all that shit and memories of the whole slave number.  Us
Northern cats are okay, in tune, together.  We get our pussies out and our
cocks out and we do it.  Down South, they just talk about it and then go
through a guilt trip about the past.  Fuck the past.  We live for now!

   "I run my fingers up the length of his dick and stop just before I reach
the head, 'cause that's the part that really drives his head into orbit. 
Then I tickle it and lift it and let it drop back to his smooth, tight
black stomach.  He lifts one leg up on the soft cushion and his asshole is
open before me also.  I run my fingertips from just under the head of his
cock, down the shaft, over his huge balls, and right to the opening of his
asshole.  I rest them there and he starts undulating like the devil got in
him!

   "Then I move my lips up close to his dick, so he can feel my breath.  I
breathe over the tip of his cock and lift my head:-There is a huge gob of
semen sitting there on the slit in the tip.  I bend down again and flick it
off with my tongue and Hanky goes nuts!  He starts moaning and asking me
for it, begging, calling me all kinds of sweet names.  I still won't suck
it.

   "Finally he wraps his fingers around the bottom of his dick and holds it
up in the air.  He grabs my hair with his other hand and lets out a shout,
'Suck my cock, you black bitch!  You cunt!  You cocksucker!' and rams my
head down with his powerful hand.  My eyes bulge as the tip of his enormous
cock slams against the back of my throat and my whole body shakes.  It's
what I want, it's what I need.  Man, I love to hear him order me.  He's
such a man, so strong.  What a goddamn stud!

   "He pulls his hands away and becomes my baby again.  I start working
like always, sucking first on the tip.  I curl my tongue down under the
ridge and up the slit.  I can taste more drops of his thick come and it
only serves to increase my excitement.  My pussy is flapping down there and
my titties are hard as rocks.

   "I grasp his cock base with both hands and move my lips up and down,
taking as much of the long thing as I can.  I suck and then am gentle, and
I use my tongue a lot, tickling and licking, driving up the fucking wall.
He starts to move his hips up and down and he grabs my head and holds it
still.  Then he fucks my mouth, thrusting his cock up and down, in and out,
raping the back of my throat, scraping against the smooth white teeth,
running over my sensitive tongue.  I move one hand down to play with his
balls and I held them tight, feeling them contract from the excitement.  He
can't take it any more and he releases my head.  Hen, with his cock still
in my mouth, he moves his whole body forward and stands up, and I stay
connected to him, kneeling in front of him.

   "Take that outta your mouth and suck my hole a little,' he says.  I
obey. I drop his cock and shake my head-feels good, my hair gets all matted
and shaking it makes it fluffy-and open my lips.  He turns around and
places his smooth male ass in my face.  I brush against it, putting little
kisses all over it, as he bends over and spreads his legs.  His beautiful
asshole flowers open in front of my eyes and I put my lips to it.  He moans
and spreads his cheeks with his hands.  I dart my tongue in and out of his
anus and it just' about causes him to come!  I reach under, between his
legs, and grab hold of his throbbing cock.  Man, lean tell he's hot!  It's
enormous!  I pull on it, forcing it down between his legs, hurting him a
little, as I still suck on his asshole.

   "Then I move my lips down and kiss his balls again and pull his cock
further so it is pointing at me from between his legs.  I take it in my
mouth, still holding it tightly in my hand.  He bends as far' as he can,
with his hair touching the floor, and he watches from underneath, watches
my hand and my mouth and my titties and my wet pussy.  I suck till he is
ready to shoot, and I stop suddenly and let go of his cock.  It flies back
into position and hits his stomach, and his balls bounce back down between
his legs.  He stands up and looks down at me.

   "Baby honey, we better get it on or I'm gonna have this big mother
accident,' he says, as he comes down to the floor.  He stretches his big
body out and positions himself alongside me, in a sixty-nine position.  His
big dick is in front of my face and my pussy is ready for his lips and his
hand.  I take his cock into my mouth and start sucking.  I grab his balls
with one 'hand and reach around and play with his asshole with the other. I
slide my little finger up his ass-with the help of my saliva-and I know
he's ready now, this is what he likes.  the best.  And I'm ready for his
load-his big load-and I want to choke on it, I want to gag on it, I want to
be smothered by it!

   "This feeling of electricity shoots through my cunt as he kisses it. 
Man, the feel of his thick stud lips against the little lips of my pussy is
too much for one chick to stand!  His tongue sneaked up me right away and
he was sucking on my clit as hard as I was doing his dick.

   "I sucked and sucked, and I could feel his balls contracting, and inside
his asshole my finger could feel a tightening-I knew he was just about
ready.  And I knew it would be a good one 'cause of the grass and all, and
'cause I was pouring my pussy juice right into his mouth.

   "He sucked me as hard as he could until his tongue got tired and' then
he shoved his fingers in there.  He knows just what to do-how to tickle my
clitoris and fuck my vagina and caress the lips of my pussy at once.  And
it brings me to a climax almost immediately.

   "'Frieda, you beautiful black cunt, I'm gonna shoot my wad in your face,
baby ...  ' He was shouting in the air watching his fingers moving in and
out of my cunt.  He trembled and then froze and shoved his hips into the
air.  His cock ripped the back of my throat arid suddenly I felt the jolt
in his asshole, the swelling of his balls, and then the terrible burst of
fire in my mouth.  I sucked hard, and my mouth was filled with spurt after
spurt of' milky liquid, and I swallowed it and let some dribble down my
chin and cheeks.  And inside me I was-at the peak of my climax and down
between my legs I let loose with a gush of pussy juice that poured all over
Honky's big black hand.

   "He kept jutting his hips up, forcing his cock back and forth in my
mouth, with each burst.  I thought it would never stop coming.  It's like a
good song you never want it to end.

   "I finally let his cock slip from my mouth so I could lick the come that
had run down it.  I lapped it all.  up and then rolled my head over the
length of it, covering' my soft skin with his cream.  I couldn't get enough
of it, and I took the cock back in my lips and started in again.  In' about
three minutes he shot off, this time with a load not quite as big as the
first, but enough to make me happy.  My-man was giving me the milk and
honey, and I was seeing the Lord!  Now I know what the preacher was
shouting about down there in Alabama!

   "Well, honey, I'm remembering it again, instead of telling it like it
was happening now.  Anyway, you get the basic picture.  I'm a cocksucker. A
black cocksucker, and I'm proud of it, honey, cause I do what I have to do
and there ain't nobody in this world who's gonna tell me different.  My man
is my baby-man, and he's gonna be sticking that wild black thing that hangs
down his leg into my mouth till one day I choke to death on it.  And honey,
I can say to you right now, I can't think of a better way to go!

   "You know, it's really been far out telling you all this!  My pussy is
dripping!  Wheee!"

   The most significant of Frieda's perversions is her inability to
experience coitus.  Never once in reviewing her case, did she express a
desire to have a union of the genitals.

   As the child matures and passes through the stages of sexuality, of
which the oral is the primary stage, followed by the anal stage, the
phallic, and lastly the genital stage, the possibility arises of becoming
fixated at one of these-levels.  Frieda is obviously a pervert fixated at
the oral level.  Her mouth has remained the primary sexual organ.

   How does this happen?  Possibly we get a clue from her experience with
the choirmaster.  We know that traumatic moments in childhood, especially
those connected with sexuality, are liable to leave fixation points which
are determined by the repetition compulsion until they abreact or the
traumatic emotion is released.

   Even though Frieda does not seem to look upon this experience as a
particularly horrifying one, it was after all her first sexual experience.
And, if this was the first time she became aware of the anatomical
distinctions between the sexes, this would have definitely precipitated a
trauma.

   During the clitoral level of development, i.e.  at about the age of
four, the little girl experiences a "genital' trauma" which exhibits two
characteristics.  Firstly, and most importantly, she realizes that, unlike
the little boy, she is equipped with genitals which do not give her an
adequate outlet for pent-up sexual aggressions.  Thus, she turns her
aggressions inward, in contradistinction to the little boy, who turns his
toward the external world.  In this "turn inward," she awaits vaginal
penetration before she can attain the genital stage of sexuality.  In the
meantime, she regresses, usually to the anal level.

   In the case of Frieda, because of the fixation provoked by the trauma
she remained at the oral level.  But this, is by no means the only
etiological factor.

   As another consequence of the "genital trauma," the little girl, when
noticing the male genital, envies him his possession.  Possibly, this envy
is replaced first by a wish for the father's penis, then by symbolical
displacement into having a child, Helene Deutsch said that there is not a
woman within whom some traces of "penis envy" cannot be found.  In other
words, penis envy is normal.

   But with Frieda, the normal acts of repression were not' accomplished.
Rather she both denied the "genital trauma" and its effect, the castration
complex.  And paradoxically, she sought this object in the external world,
as a cannibal seeks his food.

   As an illustration of the denial, we may call attention to her
contention that she herself ejaculated hypothetical pseudo-sperm in "great
quantity." Certainly, this is a physiological impossibility.  However, her
wishes dominate her reality.

   The oral zone is the first to become associated with pleasure, and the
child receives this pleasure from his mother's breast.  Initially, the
child considers the mother's breast to be part of his body, and not a part
of his mother.  Only later does he recognize the breast as an object and,
at this time, he desires not to be separated from it but to have it always.
Thus, he goes through an aggressive oral, .or cannibal, stage.  It is
during this stage that the child develops teeth and the mother is forced to
wean him.

   Frieda even remarks herself that she finds a symbolical unity between
the breast and the penis, and she substitutes the latter for the former in
her fantasies.  Her violent attitude towards all men except Honky after she
is orally separated from their organ, is a manifestation of this
breast-penis identification.  Honky is the exception because she has
identified with his penis.  Honky's penis becomes her possession' she even
calls it her "baby," the one all the other women desire.  Thus Frieda seeks
a breast from which she was never able to wean herself, and simultaneously
denies the absence of the phallic as her anatomical part.

   Karl Abraham tells us, in his book The First Pre-genital Stage of the
Libido: from abreaction ...  persons who cling to infantile pleasure
sucking are invariably seriously hampered in the development of their
sexuality.  Their instincts of nutrition and of sexuality remain to a
certain extent intermingled.  Their libido does not find the way to a
living, human object in a normal manner, but seeks its gratification in the
first instance in sucking up a material into the mouth.
The connection with Frieda is obvious.  Her mouth is her genital area;
she has never progressed to full feminine genitality.  For her, love, in
the true sense of the term, does not exist, coitus is impossible, she gives
no pleasure and cares for no object.  She only wants gratification from the

substitute breast.  To Frieda men are only a means to this end.

   We also notice that Frieda is also an overt exhibitionist and finds
pleasure in anal erotic practices.  These are like adjuncts to her almost
wholly perverted sexual nature.

   "Last night I was so motherfucking horny I thought I was gonna go outta
my mind!  I called my girlfriend and she was goin' out with some assfucker,
so I decided I'd go out and get me a little action.  I was thinking about
Honky being locked up in that there jail cell and lying there on his little
bed, beating that beautiful nigger meat in the air, and I wished I could be
there, just to put my mouth on it and help him out, know what I mean?

   "I may as well tell you, cause you're cool, I know.  Honky, he got
busted and sent up for a long time I think.  His trial is put off-you know
how fucked up this here country is-and he's waiting on it, man.  Re had all
this shit on him when his pigs pulled him over.  Hell, they was getting him
for.  driving without a goddamn tail light, and they take one good look at
his eyes and they knew he was on something, man, So they look in the trunk
of his car and they find all those pills and all that grass and they kicked
the shit outta him, right there on the side of the road.  Fuckin' pigs!

   "So, they take my Honky away, and I'm a lonely girl, I can tell you.  I
used to get my kicks from his cock, you know?  Now there's no more cock,
and 'when I think about it I get all pussy-wet and hungry for it.  I
started taking some uppers and got into some heavy shit, but I'm not really
into it.  I shoot up a little bit in the afternoon, sometimes, but never
more than that.  It's just taking the place of my baby-man and I know that,
so there's nothing little Frieda has to worry about.  But I'm .so lonely
...

   "And all the time I'm meeting these strung-out cats, and I want a guy
with a good hard dick cause I.  want to suck, baby, and it's no good
sucking on a junkie's dick cause it won't get stiff.  So lately I've been
finding my boys in the straight neighborhood, and it's been going pretty
smoothly.

   "Take last night.  I was so horny I knew I had to get outta the house
and find myself a man.  I went down the street but all the usual freaks
were there.  This one real jive cat-he's an asshole, you know he says to
me, 'Hey, Frieda baby, you going shoppin'?'

   "I looked at him and stopped walking, giving him this very Flip Wilson
pose with my hands on my ass.  Then I looked at him and says, 'Honey, what
you mean is I going shoppin'?  I'm going to the meat market, and I know
just what I want.'

   "He gives me this big dopey smile and his hand down on his crotch and
says, 'Honey, I got some meat you'll love to eat.  You missing your man
must have you all nice and gooey by now.'

   "I just bat my lashes and smile.  'Honey, I'm gonna go set me some white
meat to nibble on, You black better get your asses tack down to and Jet
some nice Southern Belles your cocks along with their mint juleps.'

   "See this,' he says to me, pulling his dick outta his pants.  'No white
boy's got anything like this.'

   "'And no black boy has anything like my Honky,' I said and walked off
down the street.  Hell, it wasn't easy.  The sight of his nice long cock
was enough to give me shivers, but I didn't like that boy, never have liked
him, and I was really looking for a white guy.  I don't know why, but since
those white pigs got my baby-man, I been lusting for white cock.

   "I found this kid standing near the subway, and I could tell right away
he was cruising me.  He looked like he was about my age-middle twenties-but
very straight.  He was wearing jeans and a jacket to match and I could see
a nice bulge in the front of his pants.  I walked by him and pretended to
see something on the ground.  I bent over, with my ass facing him, and
pretended to pick it up.  That way he could see I wasn't wearing any
underpants.

   "When I stood up, I could see his face was red and his eyes were
flaming. His cock was getting longer and longer in his pants, and I stood
there watching it, staring at it.  Then I pulled a cigarette from my purse
and put it to my lips.  I looked at him.

   "'You want a light?' honey sugar', Can you spare one?' I had softly,
glancing down at his pants again.  He moved and walked toward me and that
thick long bulge moved with his leg.  I could even make out the rounded tip
and the ridge under it.  Immediately, Honky's dick flashed through my mind
and I could feel the wind up my legs, tickling my pussy hairs.  Man, I
wanted to suck his cock.

   "He gave me a light and I stood close to him so the match wouldn't be
blown out by the wind.  His leg brushed against mine and that was all we
needed.

   "You wanna go somewhere?' he asked.

   "Honey, I got a candle burning in my place just for you ...  ' And with
that he took my arm and we walked up the street.  When we turned to cut'
through the alley near my house, we stopped and without saying a word,
kissed.  He wasn't no black boy kisser, but he was okay.  I rubbed his cock
through his pants and he got down on his knees and stuck his head under my
little skirt.  My pussy opened in front of him and he tickled the lips with
his tongue.

   "I gotta have you, gotta suck you,' he said, almost desperately.  He
looked around and spotted some garbage cans, just a few feet away.  'Come
here, put one foot up on this,' he ordered, pointing to a small can.

   "I did it, and my pussy was flapping there in the breeze.  He knelt in
the dirt and sucked me into his lips, gnawing at my pussy lips till I
thought I'd fall over.  I pushed forward and he brought his hands up and
held my buttocks and played with my asshole.  I was seeing double, and I
pretended it was my Honky come back to give me a nice licking.  I saw
Honky, and saw his cock, and then I felt the tongue brushing like crazy
over my clit, and I started moanin' and carrying on like you wouldn't
believe!  Then my juice started coming, and this white boy got it all over
his face as he sucked it out of me.  I shook and rattled the damn can, but
I didn't fall over.  His fingers rubbed my asshole and played with my pussy
lips till I couldn't take it anymore and I put my foot down and he got up.

   "His face was all wet and I told him he looked like he just stepped from
the shower and he laughed and said he had.

   "We got to my place and he flopped in the couch, like Honky always did,
with his legs spread.  I've got three or four pictures of my baby-man in
the room there, and this guy looks around and asks, 'Who's the stud?'

   "Man that made me so proud!  Who's the stud?  That's my Hanky-baby,
that's who that is.  I told him, 'That's my man, but he's in the pigpen. 
And I miss his nice fat cock.'

   "'He's got a big one?' the guy asked.

   "'Big?  Big?  Honey, it's the biggest thing you ever put your little
eyes on!  Here, I'll show you,' I said, looking in a drawer for the naked
picture of Honky.  I found it easily and showed it to him.  The photo shows
him sitting right there on the couch with his hard dick in his hand.  Come
is pouring from the tip of it, and every time I look at it I go outta my
head!  That's real soul, that picture.  And the guy really dug it too.  He
said Honky sure looked like he knew what he was doing.

   "Let's see what you're gonna be doing,' I said as I put a record on.  I
lit a joint just as he pulled his jeans down off his body.  He was a bit
smaller than my baby-man, but it was a nice cock, well-formed.  I know he
figured he was gonna have some nice black pussy to stick it into, but I had
other ideas for him.  We smoked the grass, and then he started talking
about positions to fuck in.

   "'I don't wanna fuck, honey, I just wanna put your nice white dick in my
nice soft black mouth and suck the living shitfuck out of you.'

   "His eyes opened wide and I sat there smiling.  I began removing my
clothing and he watched, playing with his penis.  It got longer and harder,
and when I was naked on front of him I reached out and took it in my hand.

   "'I'll bet you give a nice blow job,' he said as I moved my lips closer
to his cock.

   "'Babycakes, I invented it!' I told him with a giggle.  I was going nuts
already and my titties were hard as rocks.  I glanced over the picture of
Honky and naked, wet cock, and my excitement reached its peak.  I took that
white dick in my lips and started giving it a suck job it would never
forget.

   "After a few easy strokes to get him loosened up, I really let it slam
down my throat.  He grabbed my shoulders and dug his hands into me.  Then I
pulled back and nibbled around the reddish tip for a minute, and then
rammed it down my throat again.  He let go and let his head flop back.

   "Oh, wow, don't stop!  This is the best I've ever had ...  Jesus Christ
Almighty!'

   "I bit down under the glans a little and scraped my teeth along the
shaft.  Then I moved my head faster and faster till he was writhing and
panting and I could tell he was getting close.  I pulled off and smashed my
head down to his nuts and licked them and pulled them into my mouth.

   "Oh, far out, far out!' he said again and again.  The grass had made him
all mellow inside, but he was hard as a rock in my lips and I was glad.  I
could taste premature drops of come every now and then, and as soon as I
went back up to his cock, a big round pearly drop awaited me.  Man, I knew
he was going to be a big load.  And it was going to come soon, very soon. ,
"Again, I thought of my baby-man and pretended this white guy was actually
him.  He was gonna come, fucking my face with his big black dick, shooting
his juice inside me.  I wanted it to happen fast, and I stuffed my hand
into my vagina just as his cock swelled for the last time.

   "I'm gonna shoot!  I'm gonna fucking 'shoot in your black mouth!' He
yelled and smashed his hips upward and then collapsed-and, with his
collapse, it happened.  My mouth was filled with a powerful gush of white
cream, hotter than hell.  My lips were glued around his cock so none of it
would escape and I swallowed the entire load.  His balls finally rested
silently in his sac and I knew it was over.  I held his cock with one hand
as I let it slide out of my lips and I looked at it and licked it as it
softened before me.  It was then I came back to earth.  The cock was white
and the guy was white.  I had been dreaming about my Honky.  And suddenly I
hated this guy and told him to leave.

   "He got really upset cause he thought he was gonna get a fuck in' too,
but I told him to get his ass out.  He called me a black spade cocksucker
and I hit him with a real heavy whitey rap until he finally stumbled out
the door.

   "I sat down on the floor, listening to Aretha again, and began to cry. I
needed something to get me up, to get me going.  I needed Honky's cock, but
I couldn't have it.  I couldn't let anyone fuck me.  And I didn't want any
black dick but my baby-man's.  And wow, I wanted to die.  What a, bummer!

   "Then there was this rap on the door and before I could get up to see
who it was, this guy steps in.  It was Rick, the same cat who pulled out
his cock on the street earlier.

   "Frieda, you do that white boy real nice?  His stuff taste as good as
nigger stuff?'

   "You get your ass outta here, little boy.  This here's Hanky's place and
he don't want you in it.'

   "Fuck Honky!  He's up there where he can't do anything to change what
is, and I'm standing here telling you what's happening, that's what is! 
And I'm also telling you you better get ready because you gonna give me
what you just gave that white boy, you hear?'

   "I started shaking.  There was something in my head.  I don't know what
it was, that was stopping me from having sex with any black guy but Hanky.
I was afraid of any black dick but his, that's why I had been going after
white boys.  And here was this cat, Rick, standing there across the room
from me, taking off his pants.  I could see his cock swinging between his
dark legs and I started crying something terrible.  I knew he was gonna
make me suck him, and I knew I had to.  obey.  But I wanted my baby-man and
I couldn't help crying.

   "He walked across the room and stuck it right into my face.  It wasn't
even hard yet, but it sure was big.  He brushed it against my cheeks and
the tears made it wet.  I loved it-loved its smell, its size, its
blackness-but I felt guilty, cheating.  It wasn't my Hanky's black dick!

   "Suck me, sister.  Get it hard just like you did with Hanky, you little
slut bitch.' He grabbed my hair and pulled it and then kicked me.  He knelt
down and pushed his loins into my face.  I took his cock in my mouth. 
Looking up at his face terrified me.

   I looked down and started sucking.  It began to get hard, as it did,
more and more of it out of my mouth-it was very long and slender.  He
shouted at me and pulled my hair until I stopped crying and really got into
giving him a good blow job.

   "'I always heard you were the best,' he said, obviously feeling that way
himself.  He started fucking my mouth and playing with my titties at the
same time.

   "He tweaked my nipples till they hurt and told me to suck harder.  I was
doing the best I could, and then he told me he wanted my finger up his
asshole.  I found the opening and it slid up there easily-I thought if
Hanky were home he'd probably be wanting his dick up there instead of my
finger and I shoved it in and out, finger-fucking him as I bounced on his
long black cock.

   "I kept the rhythm going, pushing and pulling, and he was carrying on
like a goddamn dog in heat.  I thought he was never gonna come!  I sucked
the end of his cock around the shaft, dragging it in and out shoving that
finger up his hot asshole, playing with his hairy balls.  He held my tits
and played with them as he watched my head frantically bouncing in front of
him.

   "I'm gonna fill you up, Frieda, you suck-queen!' he shouted, starting to
ram his cock in double-time.  I didn't move my head any longer-I just let
him fuck my face.  His cock tasted good and sweet now, and my finger slid
in and out of his dark asshole with ease.

   "Fuck me harder, shove that finger up there, bitch,' he said, which
really turned me on.  I let him smash that nigger cock down my throat again
and again, and I matched each stroke with my finger and finally shoved two
of them up there as far as I could get them.  Tears came to my eyes again
because I was afraid I wasn't going to last.  I was on my last bit of
energy and strength.  I knew I needed a fix.  And I also knew I needed his
jism.

   "It happened slowly-almost painfully-and I could hardly believe it!  I
mean, tuck, man, this was Incredible!  He started yelling and changed to
longer, more even strokes.  Come started spilling outta his cock, but it
came in long beautiful spurts which shook him somewhere inside.  I kept my
fingers up his asshole and felt every tightening of the muscles each time
another spurt flowed into my hungry mouth.  He came and came and came, and
I took it all and gave him the orgasm of his life.  Finally I had to pull
away.  I moved my mouth off his cock and pulled my fingers out of his ass
at the same moment.  And then I fell back to the floor.

   "OK, stud man, you know where I can get some shit!'

   "He looked down at me, holding his softening cock in his hand.  'Baby,
you on that stuff?'

   "'No, I just need some to forget eating that little dick of yours,' I
said, mocking him.  He slapped me across the mouth and suddenly I hated him
more than ever.'

   "You ain't gonna find no shit around here, honey.  This place is clean!
Go get some from your stud boy in the pen!'

   "'Fuck off,' I said, and turned over on the floor.  He bent down and
patted my ass and then I heard him putting on his pants, and in a minute he
was gone.  I lay there on the floor a long time and then I called this
pusher I know and I went and got me some stuff.

   "Last night I went to the movie-you know, the cheap one for forty-nine
cents-and I was sitting in the back row when these two teen-ager's come up
the aisle.  I had one leg out in the aisle and they could see my pussy open
there under my skirt.  They stopped and lingered on a bit, and I moved over
one seat.  I was so wrecked I didn't even know what the movie was about. 
In a minute they were sitting on either side of me, playing with my pussy.
They both put their fingers up my dress at the same time and I was going
crazy.  Honey, my pussy was squirting all over their hands.  Then one
started sucking my left tit through my blouse and the other did the same,
and I grabbed their hard cocks in their pants.  Then I told them to take
them out.

   "They obeyed and pulled their pants down to their ankles.  They leaned
back in their-seats and I reached out and began playing with both their big
cocks at the same time, moving the skin up and down.  I couldn't stand it
any more-I had to taste them.  So I bent over and sucked on one, still
holding onto the other, and then did the opposite.  I took turns, sucking
one till it was just ready to shoot, and then going to the other one. 
Those boys were going out of their ever-loving minds-and I'll bet anything
they never had a black chick before.

   "Finally, I had to have it.  I let the one on my right come first, and
he muffled his groans as his body rose and fell as he pumped his young come
into my mouth.  The other guy was going nuts watching, and as soon as my
lips hit his cock he came too, shooting semen all over my face and his
pubic hair.  I licked it all into my mouth and finally sat back and
relaxed. They played with my pussy some more guys and hate till their cocks
softened then they pulled up their pants.  They asked if they could see me
again and I told them to go home to their parents.

   "'You see, I can't relate to anyone.  I hate white guys and hate doing
it to them, but I'm compelled to it.  I don't know why.  I'm afraid of
black studs and I don't know how to come on with them.  I think it's all
this shit I'm shooting, but man, I gotta do something!  You know?  My
Honky, he don't write anymore, and he's gonna be there a long-long time,
they tell me, so what am I gonna do?  I know I gotta get it together, but
how?

   "All I know is I gotta have some more white dick.  I gotta be the black
chick kneeling in front of a white man, sucking on his thing, swallowing
his load.  I gotta feel powerless, gotta feel dominated.  Till he comes. 
Then I'm on top, then I'm the fucking queen!  Then I can tell the
motherfucker to get lost when he says he wants to screw me!  I'm a good
suck, baby, but that's all I do.  Only one man's gonna get my pussy, and
he's in jail, and I'm gonna save it for him when he gets out.

   "But I wish someone would help me, 'cause I'm worried ..."

   We find a clue to Frieda's illness when she tells us that she "enjoys
living out fantasies ..." The normal individual has learned, in his
development, to repress and sublimate his component sexual instincts. 
These sexual desires give him the energy which he uses in the construction
of civilization.

   The pervert is the negative to this normal evolution; he cannot renounce
his former pleasures, and in this way is unable to adjust to culture, no
matter what ethnic group he or she is from.  All cultures demand infantile
renunciation in favor of the group and its preservation.  This is a demand
which Frieda is unable to meet.

   Frieda is locked into a sterile and unsatisfying existence, utterly
denying her femininity, her reproductive function, her genital pleasure
outside of masturbation, and of most importance, the feeling of loving
another human being.

   Chapter 2 Tony

   "I came to this country when I was seventeen, but I first had my cock
sucked back in Italy when I was fifteen.  Till that time, I knew what sex
was all about-I mean I had it in my mind-but I and never had an experience.
Sure, a bunch of us kids would sit around and beat off, but what was that?
I wanted some action, something mote than my own hand.

   "I was the only boy in the family with five kids, and thus I had to get
away from the house to find out anything about sex.  Alberto became my best
friend-he was a few years older than me-and let me know what fucking was
like.  So one day we arranged for me to hide in a closet while I watched
him fuck his girlfriend.

   "It was rare to find a girl in our small village who put out like that,
but Alberto was handsome and had a big cock-and he really new what to do
with it.  I almost died of lack of oxygen in that closet, but I certainly
learned a lot and felt a rush of excitement like I had never felt before.

   "I was looking straight up their legs-Alberto's big hairy legs over the
girl's slender soft skin-and I could see his huge balls bouncing each time
his long dick slid in and out of her juicy cunt.  I grabbed my cock and
started beating it and I came just when they did.  Man, I shot come an over
the damn closet door and the shoes that were on the floor.  But I didn't
care-it was an education, right?

   "Then a week later, Alberto said he wanted to have his cock sucked, and
that his girl friend would do it.  Would I like to watch?  What a question!
I had only once seen a picture of such an act, and it stimulated me quite a
bit.  You bet I would love to watch!

   "We set the time, and just as his girl friend came to his house, I hid
in the stuffy closet.  It was so hot in there I decided to take off my
shirt and pants, so in a minute I was naked, kneeling on the floor, my
swollen cock in my right hand, my other cupped under my balls.

   "Alberto kissed and hugged her for a few moments and then moved close to
the closet-I knew he wanted me to get a good look.  He told her to strip,
and she did, and he played with her tits and kissed them and ran his
fingers over her pussy lips.  She got very excited, and then he told her
take his cock out.

   "She opened his pants and pulled his half-hard cock out.  Then he told
her to get on her knees.  When she did so, she was kneeling almost in front
of me and her face was right behind the keyhole.  I had a great view!

   "She held his cock directly in front of her lips and licked the tip with
her tongue.  It swelled and surged in her grasp, and the head inflated and
turned deep red.  Then she opened her wet lips and wrapped them around it,
keeping them there over the tip as she brought her hands up to grasp his
ass.

   "Alberto moaned and looked down at the closet door and winked.  Then he
told her to pull his pants down.  She took her lips off the tip of his
cock-it was dripping with her saliva-and opened his belt.  She pulled his
pants down to the floor, and then his undershorts.  He stepped out of them
and spread his legs in front of her.  He was ready for everything now.

   "Alberto's cock was gigantic and I was certain she could never take the
entire thing in her mouth.  But I watched in fascination as she slowly and
carefully proved me wrong.  First she took hold of his balls and caressed
them in her fingertips.  Alberto grabbed his cock and held it up, so she
could get at his balls easier.

   "'Suck em,' he said softly.  She opened her beautiful mouth again and
took both of his nuts into her mouth, and pushed her head up tight against
his crotch.  Man, I thought I was going to come that minute!  I couldn't
imagine such a thing and I could only wonder what it felt like!  Alberto
was in ecstasy.  He pumped his cock and undulated his hips with moans like
I had never heard.  It was incredible.

   "Then she pulled her mouth away and let his saliva-coated balls swing
free between his legs.  He dropped his cock and it pointed directly at her
lips and she took it in her mouth.  I could see her lips tighten around the
shaft as she eased her head onto lightly, gently, till half of it was in
her mouth she pulled back and stopped just be fore the head fen from her
lips, and again the organ into her.  Her saliva foamed around the soft skin
of his organ and dribbled down her chin.

   "She started playing with his balls as she moved back and forth on his
cock.  Each time she pulled the organ deeper and deeper into her
mouth-where was it?  I saw her throat bulge, and tears form in her eyes, as
Alberto's hands forced all of it into her.  The entire length of his
cock-which had to be about ten inches-had disappeared into her!  I couldn't
believe what I was seeing!  She had the tip down her throat and still she
sucked like a puppy dog, hungry, beautiful, intense.

   "Then she really went to town.  I pumped my own cock so hard I thought
they could hear me.  Alberto was moaning, and I was afraid he would fall
over in ecstasy.  His girl friend worked expertly, sucking and blowing and
pulling and pushing.  Every now and then she would release her grasp on his
cock and cover the tip with kisses.  Or he would twist his hips from side
to side and smack her face with the length of his organ, hitting her cheeks
with a hollow sound: And she loved every moment of it.

   "Then something happened I wasn't expecting-she sucked his cock in
rhythm till I thought he was going to explode-the hair on his body was
standing on end and his face was cringing in pain and pleasure and his
balls tightened in their sac.  All of a sudden he grabbed her head-by her
hair-and pulled her face from his cock as he held it in his hand.  It was
dripping of saliva and looked as if it were about to burst ...

   "Don't move, keep your mouth open!' he called out, and then it came.  He
aimed his cock at the opening of her lips and kept it about three inches
from her face.  The longest spurts of come I had ever seen began to shoot
from it like fire from a cannon.  Each squirt of hot white come hit her
lips, or the cavity of her mouth, and she moaned and cried as she watched
the cock shooting into her.  She wanted desperately to take it in her and
suck the cream from it.  Alberto wouldn't let her.  He wanted to show me
how the come spurted into her mouth.

   "I gasped and froze.  In a second I would come, I knew it.  I was
sweating and balancing on my knees, which were beginning to hurt.  I saw
Alberto let go of her hair and she slammed her mouth down on his
still-spurting cock, and then I leaned back and knocked a coat off a hanger
...

   "It was a shock for the girl and me, and quite humorous for Alberto.  I
shouted, fell forward, hit my head on the-door-which caused it to open wide
and I fell out into the room, bare naked with a stiff cock.

   "The girl began shouting at Alberto and he screamed back at her, in the
loud, ridiculous way all Italians shout-have you seen The Godfather?-and
they ran around the room calling each other all kinds of names while I sat
there on the floor, feeling just a little bit stupid.

   "Finally, the girl calmed down and, I think because she hadn't been able
to suck Alberto to a climax, she consented to give me the first blow job of
my life.  Alberto begged her to do it and she went to it quickly.  She
knelt down between my legs, which she spread with her hands, and told me to
lie back on the floor and relax.  Relax?  How could I relax?

   "I felt the nipples of her tits brushing against my young thighs as she
moved her head near my stiff cock.  It wasn't as large as Alberto's, but it
was a good size for my age.  Then all at once a warmth seemed to envelop me
and I closed my eyes and gave myself up to pleasure.

   "Alberto sat next to me, watching, getting excited again, and he began
playing with himself right next to my chest.  His balls brushed against my
skin and this too excited me.  I was a ball of sexual energy!

   "She moved her lips down over the tip of my cock and I went to heaven. I
knew then what the priests and nuns had meant when they said I would see
God!  It was absolutely the most exquisite feeling I had ever experienced!
It was as if every nerve in my body was moved to my cock.

   "She pumped her head up and down and held it with her hand, around the
base, moving her' fingers over my balls and down between the crack of my
asshole.  I felt the load rising in my loins, rising through my cock, ready
to spill into her mouth.  She took all of it in her throat, and the tip
rubbed against the roof of her mouth as it slid back there.  Then I knew it
was about to happen and I stiffened and clenched my fists.

   "Just then I felt something hot splash on my chest and I knew that
Alberto had come again.  That was enough to do it-I let my body go limp as
all the built-up come exploded into her face.  She choked at first, but
sucked hard and swallowed every drop of it.  She worked on my balls as each
surge of juice filled her, and she pulled up along the shaft of my organ
with her lips, to get every drop out of the slit in the tip.

   "Alberto rubbed my hair playfully and I opened my eyes.  I was thankful
and overjoyed and still a little surprised by it all.  The girl sat up and
smiled.  "Ummm, very nice!' she said happily.

   "Then she let me touch her pussy and her tits, which was also a new
experience for me, and it excited me even further.  A thought flashed
through my mind: What would it be like to do the same to her?  What would
it be like to suck her pussy?

   "I didn't have a chance to find out-at least not that afternoon.  She
said she had to get home, and she quickly dressed and left us sitting naked
on the floor.

   "I don't believe that happened,' I said, my head still confused and
excited.

   "She knows what she's doing.  Did you like it?'

   "Like it?  I loved it!' My cock was still hard that was proof that I
liked it!

   "'She's a nice girl,' Alberto said; playing with his cock.  It too was
half-hard-we were very horny guys, you see.  And summer in Italy ...  oh,
well, it can do that to a person.

   "I brought myself to ask him the question that had been troubling me. 
'Antonio, have you ever ...  well, have you sucked her pussy?'

   "He smiled.  'Sure, a few times.  I like it all right, but I'm selfish
and make her work hard at the time.  It's really a great thing, especially
when she's all turned on and starts to gush her juice into your mouth ... '

   "I started beating my cock again as I listened to him describe what it
was like to eat her cunt.

   "' ...  Then I spread the lips with my fingers just enough to put my
tongue in between.  I slide it up and down till she starts crying and
moving, then I push my face to her body and stick my tongue up her as far
as it will go!'

   "I could hardly stand it-I pictured every detail in my mind as I
masturbated.  It wasn't long before I was ready to come again.

   "' ...  And then finally she shudders and I taste the salty drops of her
fluid, and then she comes all over my wet face, banging her ass on the bed,
pulling my hair and shouting out loud ...  '

   "The come shot out of the tip of my cock as I pictured my face buried
between her sweet thighs.  I didn't care where it landed-I wasn't even
watching!  I just knew what I was dreaming and it was wonderful.  I wanted
to do it in real life!

   "When I settled down and could breathe again, I looked at Alberto with a
crazy smile.  'Oh, Alberto, this day has been too much for me.'

   "He laughed.  'Would you like to do that to her sometime?  I could
arrange it.  Besides, I think she likes you.  She sure liked your cock.'

   "I couldn't respond.  I just nodded and burst into laughter, honest wild
young laughter.  I finally felt that I was growing up.  And I thought, if
my sisters only knew!

   "Two weeks later, Alberto arranged for me to meet his girl friend-I
cannot remember her name, hard as I try!-but I was afraid to go alone.  He
said he would be glad to accompany me, to teach me if I needed help!  We
met her and went up to the room it felt strange not to be hiding in the
closet on this hot afternoon.  We soon undressed and sat on the big bed.

   "She lay down on the pillows, and Alberto and I knelt on either side of
her so she could play with our cocks and suck them alternately till we got
hard.  When we did, she held them tight as we played with her big breasts.
Then she spread her legs and Alberto winked at me-it was time.

   "I knelt between her legs.  Alberto placed a pillow under her buttocks
so her pussy would be open in front of my face.  I stared at it-at the
folds, the heavy lips, the dark hair-and realized I had never seen one so
close before.  I longed to smash my face to its furry softness and suck as
hard as I could, but I remembered what Alberto had told me to go slowly.

   "I nibbled at little and spread the lips with my fingers, and she
started moaning, just as he had said she would.  Then I found her hard
little clitoris and began rubbing it with my fingers, fascinated.  I
flicked it with my tongue as I spread the lips as far as I could.  She went
wild!

   "Alberto moved above her, kneeling on either side of her face, his balls
falling directly into her mouth.  She sucked on them as he beat his cock,
watching my face making love to her pussy.

   "And I certainly did make love to it.  I was utterly carried away, into
another world it seemed, and I have never gotten over the feeling-there is
nothing in the world as exciting for me, absolutely nothing.  I often
masturbate when I'm sucking a cunt, but it doesn't matter really, I still
feel real ecstasy and fulfillment when doing it.  I love the taste of
pussy, the feel, the look of it.  It is really my thing.

   "I held her thighs with my hands and let my mouth do the work-my tongue
slid up her, tongue-fucking her, till I thought my head would pop, and I
nibbled with my teeth and caressed her cunt lips with my lips.  Her pussy
was hot and mushy, creamy, inviting, I sucked all the juice out of it and
put in some of my own.  And I moved my hips on the bed, sinking my cock
into the covers.

   "Alberto shouted and told me to watch-I looked up from her pussy to see
his cock shoot come all over her body.  Some of it landed just above her
pubic hair and I quickly licked it up and went back to the warmth of her
pussy.  She sucked his balls through it all, and only released them after
she had come ...

   "I sucked and sucked, and fucked her as hard as I possibly could with my
tongue.  She undulated and Alberto told me she was coming.  She couldn't
talk because her mouth was filled with his heavy scrotum, but she sure
moaned a hell of a lot!

   "He was right.  She kicked her legs into the air and pushed my face
deeper into her pussy with her hands.  I felt her body shudder and shake,
and then there was a gush that both startled and pleased me.  I had brought
her to orgasm on my very first try.  I was very proud of myself.

   "And just as she didn't release my cock from her mouth till I was all
done coming, I kept my mouth glued to her cunt till she was again relaxed.
Alberto pulled his balls from her mouth and lay down next to her.  Then I
came up for air and wiped the wetness from my face.  My cock stood straight
up between my legs, and I knew something had to be done about it fast!

   "She leaned over and took it in her mouth.  Alberto helped by playing
with my balls and my asshole and soon I was near orgasm.  This time she was
rougher, sliding her teeth along the shaft, which only excited me more.  I
could still taste the creamy cunt fluid in my mouth and I wanted to fill
her body with my liquid.

   "I came in one long gush.  Her cheeks swelled from the force of the
load, and Alberto shouted, getting turned on while watching our
performance, and she kept my cock in her mouth till it had not only poured
out all its juices, but had softened as well.  It was going to be quite a
learning experience.

   "'I learned fast and I practiced what I learned.  In the next two years
I sucked just about every girl in Italy, including a few older women who
were every bit as exciting as the young ones.  Alberto and I remained pals,
and we fucked and sucked our way across all of Europe one summer, just
before I came to the United States.

   "Oh yes, I came to the U.S.  Directly to Cicero, Illinois, where the
family was and still is.  And I am here too.  Chicago isn't bad, but there
is a morality that exists here in the Midwest that doesn't mix well with my
ideas on sexuality.  I had a rough time finding girls who would even let me
feel their cunts, much less touch them.  For the first year here, I almost
had no sex at all.  I masturbated myself silly, dreaming of eating all the
cunts who were around me, but never within reach."

   Although Frieda was an American Negress and Tony is an Italian, they
both suffer from a similar perversion, an intense oral fixation.  But
Tony's disposition is more complex.  Voyeurism, traces of homosexuality,
ejaculatio praecox (premature emission), and a near total misconception of
the feminine sexual physiological functions comprise his case history.

   Tony's first real sexual encounter occurred when he watched his friend
Alberto and Alberto's lover engaged in oral-genital relations.  Tony was
secreted behind the closet door, occupied in genital masturbation, as he
watched.

   The instinct of scopophilia-voyeurism/exhibitionism-is a component of
the total erotic composition in every individual.  Like the other
components-sadism/masochism-it-was a passive and active aim.  Opposing
sexual forces are always present simultaneously.  In other words, anyone
who is a voyeur is at the same time an exhibitionist.  Looking and showing
are preparatory acts which many normal people linger over during the
attainment of the sexual goal.  But the pleasure becomes perverse only when
it supplants the normal sexual aim instead of augmenting it.

   The forces which oppose scopophilia are shame and disgust; shame
inhibits exhibiting, and disgust counters looking.  These forces are set up
as resistances to any sexual impulses and act as guides for sexual
development, restraining it within the cultural norm.  They develop in the
normal individual before the sexual instinct has reached its full strength,
and from this point they more or less determine the course of erotic
evolution.  When the sexual instinct wins in its struggle against these
resistive, factors (shame and disgust) a situation which modern psychology
designates as perverse, the individual is at the mercy of his libido-at
least in reference to this one lust.

   When the sex drive remains attached to immature phases of erotic
development and fails to be subordinated to coitus, it is probably the
result of a fixating experience.  These experiences can be the outcome-of
either an internal or external trauma-that is, an imagined or real
experience-caused by seduction, observation of parents having intercourse,
or the threat of castration.  These are the primal scenes.

   If Tony had been a child when he witnessed Alberto and Alberto's lover
engaged in oral-genital intercourse, it would have been a very traumatic
event for him.  But Tony was already seventeen years of age when the
incident occurred.  Therefore, Tony's predisposition to voyeurism was
probably determined by an earlier experience, which placed him passively in
a position which he has been actively repeating ever since.

   But as mentioned before, voyeurism is only a part of Tony's sexual
disposition.  Traces of homosexuality are also to be found in Tony's case.
Tony became so excited when he watched Alberto masturbate that he eagerly
consumed Alberto's semen.  In this instance, Tony's resistance of disgust
was overruled by his libido.  This occurred similarly when Tony witnessed
his aunt urinating and was compelled to consume some of her urine.  At this
point it would be easy to assume that the absence of disgust in Tony's
character is the prime factor in his perversions.  And no doubt it is a
major factor.  However, I am led to another conclusion.  Tony is completely
ignorant of female sexuality.  He thinks that women ejaculate externally
the same as men.  In this way he gives himself away.  He fantasizes that he
sees the male genital on his women, imagining that they are ejaculating
externally.  And in his imagination he is exhibiting a strong sign of overt
bisexuality.

   In a contribution to the study of inversion, regarding a memory from the
childhood of Leonardo da Vinci, Freud writes:

   There was once a time when the male genital was found incompatible with
the picture of the mother.  When a male child first turns his curiosity to
the riddles of sexual life, he is dominated by his interest in his own
genital.  He finds that part of his body too valuable and too important for
him to be able to believe that it could be missing in other people whom he
feels he resembles so much.  This preconception is so firmly planted in the
youthful investigator that it is not destroyed even when he first observes
the genitals of little girls.

   And so little boys begin to imagine that women have smaller penises. 
that will grow in time.  When the little boy grows up and sees with his own
eyes that this is not true, fear strikes him.  He deduces, that girls have
been punished and had their penises cut off leaving a wound.  Many times he
has been threatened with' castration for masturbating.  He is now convinced
that this could really be true and becomes frightened for his masculinity.
And at the same time he will despise the unhappy creatures on whom the
cruel punishment, as he supposed, has already fallen.

   Thus Tony, in reaction to his castration fears, refuses to notice true
feminine sexuality.  He is forced to deny that beings, so similar to him,
lack a penis because this implies the horror of castration.

   It was determined earlier that Tony's fixation upon voyeurism was caused
by a childhood trauma, real or imagined.  We have every reason to believe
that this was caused by desires brought on by thoughts of his parents
having intercourse.  To a child, seeing and doing are the same thing. 
Therefore Tony's voyeuristic fixation was related to his desire for his
mother.  Freud tells us that the desire for incest always evokes fear of
castration.  Therefore, like the little boy Freud described, he is
compelled to imagine that women have penises in order to overcome his fear
of castration.

   The only portion of Tony's perversion which is left to be examined is
his tendency toward premature emission.  This again reflects his attitude
towards women.  By depriving his women of sexual pleasure he is expressing
his aggression and hostility, which are ultimately the result of his fear
of castration.

   "I've been here two and a half years.  When I first got here, I was
unaccustomed to the ways of this country, and I spoke almost no English at
all.  Now I'm a regular American, and I walk and talk like it and I still
live in Cicero with my aunt and uncle.

   "I must tell you about my aunt-I call her Madge-because she has played
an important role in my life.  And in my sexual life as well.

   "When I first got here, as I said earlier, I almost had no sex
whatsoever-I didn't know anyone and didn't know how to find girls the way
we did' in Italy.  And of the women I knew were either married or
well-protected by their parents.  So what was I to do?  I fell asleep with
an erection each night, and woke the same way in the morning.  My thoughts
were constantly on sex-especially oral sex.

   "Once, after an English class at night, I met a girl.  She was not the
best looking broad in the world, but after starvation, who cares?  I came
on to her very strong, and she didn't resist-she was feeling my cock as
soon as we started kissing.  We went to her apartment-a dingy little place
I remember-and took off our clothes.  It had been months since I had
touched another person, and I was dying for it.

   "But she wouldn't do-anything!  I started sucking her tits, but she
pushed me away.  'Fuck me, honey!' she said.

   "OK, I would fuck her, but after a little sucking first; Man, she had a
big juicy pussy and I was ready to sink my mouth into it.

   "'Let me kiss you all over first ...  ' I mumbled as I tried desperately
to move my face to her cunt.

   "'I wanna get fucked, so fuck me l' she said, pulling my head up.  'I
don't' go for none of that mouth stuff.' She wasn't the brightest woman in
the world either.

   "So I fucked her and blew my rocks off almost the minute I entered her.
She was pissed about that and told me to get out.  Christ, my cock was
still dripping when I went out the door.  I did make the mistake of leaving
my name and phone number-I had given that to her before we went to bed-and
I didn't hear from her again until almost two months later.

   "I was eating supper with my aunt and uncle, when the telephone rang. 
My aunt answered and her face turned purple in a moment.  She started
shouting in Italian, so I thought it was a neighbor or someone who was
calling ...

   "It's a long story, and I won't bore you, but the caller turned out to
be the slut I fucked that night, saying that I had made her pregnant!  Of
course, I hadn't.  She had been with hundreds of guys in the past
months-how the hell could she tell?  I guess I was the only one stupid
enough to give her my name and number.  Well, it all blew over when my
uncle warned her that the Mafiosi would put her at the bottom of the
Chicago River if she didn't forget she even knew me.

   "What's important is that incident was the key to opening up a new
relationship with my aunt, because we began to discuss sex after that.

   "My aunt came into my room late one night after my uncle had gone to
sleep.  She was wearing her nightgown, and I was struck how different she
looked-it was the fact that she had her hair down for a change, I had
always seen it piled up on her head.  I sat up in bed.

   "'Tony, are you asleep?' she whispered.

   "'No, Madge.  Come in.'

   "She turned on the little light on my dresser and sat on the bed next to
me.  Her eyes were a deep brown in the little light and her face seemed
soft, almost very young.  I realized what a beautiful woman she was-I guess
it was something I hadn't thought about before because she was related to
me.  I was horny as hell and I knew I didn't dare lift the covers or she'd
see my erection.

   "'Tony, can we be very honest with each other?' she asked smiling.

   "'Sure, yeah, aren't we always?' I wondered what the hell she wanted to
talk about.

   "'That phone call, ever since then I've been worried about you.' She
turned her head away.

   "Worried?  What the hell did she mean?  'There's nothing to worry
about,' I said.

   "'What I mean is I suddenly realized you're a grown boy-a young man-and
I'm afraid we're not providing the right kind of environment.  I mean, you
must be very frustrated here, with so few girls around, so few outlets for
...  '

   "'I'm doing okay,' I lied.  I knew this was hard for her, and it was
hard for me to listen to it.  'It's not so bad being frustrated,' I said
for the hell of it.

   "That did it!  She turned her head and looked me square in the eyes. 
'It's the worst thing-in the world, she said, almost sadly.

   "I blurted out, 'A beautiful woman like you can't be frustrated!'

   "'Tony, do you really think I'm beautiful?' she asked, putting her hand
on my thigh.

   "Madge, don't move your hand an inch or you'll make me come!  I thought.
My head was spinning.

   'Yes, of course, you're beautiful,' I told her, shaking.

   "'No one has said that to me in years.  I'll tell you a litlle secret,
Tony.  Your uncle and I love each other and we do make love, but there are
more things two people can do with each other ..."

   "'Yes, Tony, that's why I'm frustrated.  And I wanted to tell you-I'm'
embarrassed-I hope you won't take the chance Of making a girl pregnant
there are methods, or there are other things to do ...  '

   "She was a wreck by now; she hardly knew what she was saying.  Her hand
was growing hot on my thigh and my cock was swollen stiff about two inches
from her.  I think she could see it sticking up under the covers, but I
wasn't sure.

   "There was .sex in the air-there had been from the moment she entered
the room.  It was blowing my mind: man, she was my aunt, my mother's
sister! Her husband was sleeping in the room down the hall!  She was in her
thirties!  Everything told me what I was thinking and hoping was wrong, but
still an unnatural force drove me, through my powers of sexuality, to
desire this woman more than I had desired anyone in my life.

   "'I should go, Tony.  I'm sorry-I didn't know what I wanted to say,
really.  I just wanted to talk to you.' She paused for a moment, 'and then
bent down and kissed me on the forehead.  She lingered there for a
moment-her breasts just touching my chest-and then stood up and said
goodnight.  I couldn't respond-I was having a heart attack!

   "She walked to the dresser and turned out the light.  Everything inside
me was calling her back to the bed, begging her not to leave!  She walked
to the door and opened it-the light from the hall filled the room and I saw
the outline of her body standing in the door-and then the door closed.  But
she was on the inside!

   The room was pitch black, but I could here her breathing, her small
steps as she neared the bed.  I put out my hand-what for exactly, I didn't
know-and soon I felt soft material.  I was rubbing her thigh and knee.  I
could feel her spreading her legs.  Then she lifted her nightgown slowly up
over her waist and I gently moved my hand between her legs and brought it
up to her wet warm pussy.

   "I eased the lips apart with my fingers and pushed my knuckle up into
her, just enough to send a sensation of pleasure through us both.  Her cunt
lips seemed to bite my finger, holding onto it, sucking it.  She moved
closer to the bed and I withdrew my finger.

   "Then she stood there, directly next to me, and held her gown up while I
moved my lips to her beautiful womanly cunt.  I held tight to her buttocks
as I eased my face between her legs, smelling, tasting, loving-it was an
incredible moment!  Never before had a cunt been so alive, so fresh, so
strong for me.  The lips had a power of their own!  The hairs smelled like
beautiful flowers!  I was going crazy-I felt like a poet!

   "I put my lips on her pussy and worked my tongue up her.  I hadn't had
my tongue up a cunt in so long I had almost forgotten what it was like. 
But I soon remembered.  My tongue slid in there, feeling the hot walls
caressing it.  I moved it back and forth, in and out, up into her as far as
I could get it to go, and then I brought my hands around and held her pussy
apart so I could suck the hell out of her clit.

   "I found the hard little nub and bit it lightly, flicking again and
again with my tongue until she gasped and nearly fell over.  I couldn't
stay in that position any longer-my neck was breaking.  I fell back to my
pillows and took a deep breath.

   "In a second she pulled the nightgown over her head and was totally
naked.  I could make out the lines of her body in the little light that was
coming in the window.  She had exquisite breasts and nice, rounded hips. 
She knelt on the bed, next to my head, and ran her fingers over my lips
again and again.  Then I sucked them into my mouth and licked them and bit
them as she moved her hand around and found my cock under the blanket.  She
pulled it out and held it tight, around the tip.  I was so excited I had to
really think about not coming!

   "Then she moved directly' over my face, spreading her cunt above me.  I
looked up to see the darkness of the lips coming down toward my mouth.  I
parted my lips and put my tongue out, ready to receive.  All this time she
kept a hold on my cock.

   "Then, as her pussy hit my face and rammed itself down onto my tongue,
she let her body fan flat against mine and took my cock down her throat! 
No nibbling, no kissing, no touching with her tongue first-she just sucked
it into her as far as it would go, down to the root.  Then her mouth seemed
to fill with saliva and in a second, as I began tongue-fucking her cunt
again, she started really giving me a blow job I'll never forget.

   "As I kissed and licked and sucked on her pussy, she was doing the same
to me.  She held my balls tight with one hand, while the other one grasped
my cock around its base, to hold it straight up so her lips could slide
along it easily.

   "Then she moaned and pressed her pussy as hard against my face as she
could.  I held her ass cheeks with my hands, forcing my fingers between
them, rubbing at the opening to her anus.  I felt her body shake and for a
moment she stopped sucking, holding my cock deep in her mouth, as her
orgasm came.  My face was flooded with her womanly fluids and I kept right
on sucking till it was over-and I thought it would never stop!  She came
and came and shook all over.  I was afraid my uncle would hear it-we were
making an awful lot of noise, and the damn bed was squeaking!

   "When she recovered a bit, she started sucking on my cock again.  Her
pussy was still plastered against my face and I sucked harder and harder,
feeling my own orgasm coming to a peak.  I shuddered as my balls swelled.
Then it came-a great hot load, into my beautiful aunt's face.  She sucked
every drop of come out of me and wouldn't let go of my prick till it was
soft.  It was too much to believe, too good to be true.  I didn't even hope
it would happen again.

   "She got up from the bed-still without a word and put her nightgown back
on.  Then she sat on the bed next to me and bent down and kissed the tip of
my cock.  I brushed my hand through her soft long hair, and she stood up
and left the room.

   "Talk about a mind-blower!  I wasn't even eighteen years old, I was in
America, I could hardly speak English, and I had just made oral love to my
aunt!  I didn't sleep a wink that night-I wonder if she did?

   "It was hard to look her in the eye the next day, but she seemed very at
ease with the situation.  I told myself, convinced myself, that it was one
of those things that happened once in a lifetime, and that it was over.

   "But that very night, again after my uncle was snoring, she crept into
my room.  She didn't say anything this time, but clicked on the dresser
light.  I guess she wanted to see my cock in the light-she walked to the
bed and pulled back the covers, exposing my naked body.  She smiled when
she saw that I already had an erection.  She sat on the bed and took it in
her lips, just as she had the night before, playing with my balls with her
hands.  I just lay there stunned into a fantastic sensual dream, and I came
easily, again into her mouth.  My come was so plentiful that some of it
dribbled down her chin.  When it was over she stood up and blew me a kiss,
and left the room.  Wow!

   "The next night, I was ready for her.  I had showered and shaved, and
positioned myself into a real sexy position on the bed-naked, sitting up
against the headboard, my hand on my hard cock, one finger down playing
with my asshole.  I heard footsteps and a light knock on the door.  Without
thinking I said, 'Come in.'

   "The next thing I knew, my uncle was standing there staring at me like I
had just murdered somebody!  I was so fucking embarrassed.  I felt like I
wanted to die.  He gave me this long lecture on how bad masturbation was
for me, and how I should be out fucking girls.  I listened politely, said
good-night, and then beat off as soon as he left.  I thought about Madge,
but I was disappointed she didn't come to my room.

   "She didn't show up for almost four days, and I wondered why.  I
realized later she was having her period at that time, but I didn't realize
it then.  One afternoon, however, I came home and found her in the kitchen
mixing a cake batter.  I said hello, asked her if anyone was home, and she
said no, she was alone.  I stuck my finger in the batter and tasted it. 
She smiled at me and put her hands between my legs.  I couldn't believe it.

   "Right there, in the damn kitchen at three in the afternoon, she got on
her knees and pulled my cock out of my pants!  It got hard as soon as she
put her thick lips on it and I went back and held onto the table as she
worked up and down it with her perfect teeth and saliva.  Then she released
it and stood up, grabbed the bowl of batter, and held it under my cock.

   "'I'm gonna make you come in it, Tony.  That way we'll all be eating you
without knowing it, at supper,' she said.  She was nuts!  And I loved it!
The whole idea excited me tremendously.  She held the bowl in both hands as
I worked my hand up and down my cock a few times and then shot my load into
the fucking cake batter ...

   "Things like that went on for days-I remember trying to keep a straight
face when my uncle said it was one of the best cakes she had ever made-and
we did crazy things like sucking each other in the garage after we returned
from grocery shopping.  Once I went into the bathroom when she was sitting
on the toilet and knelt down and watched her pee.  She spread her .legs and
when she finished I licked the few drops of urine off her pussy lips and
then sucked her till she came.' It was crazy-I'd do anything, and so would
she.

   "Finally, one night, after we had sucked each other's assholes for
awhile, we became serious.  Madge started crying and I didn't know what was
wrong.  Why had we been always in a hurry to have oral sex at strange
times, in weird places, without any kissing or hugging or such?  She
finally admitted she was falling in love with me.  And I knew I was in love
with her!  We had been afraid to admit it, and when we had we felt so much
more secure and even more attracted to each other.

   "We kissed on the lips for the first time, and our tongues moved
together in a fury of passion.  Our bodies no longer seemed like sexual
object, they were love objects.  And sex took on an entir new feeling, a
new quality, a new excitement.

   "'Tony, I love you more than anything in the world!'

   "'More than my cock?' I asked, jokingly.

   "'Well, maybe not that much.' She moved her head down between my legs
and sucked my balls into her mouth.  I masturbated till I came-the come
fell down my organ and dripped all over her face.  Then I kissed her and my
come spread all over our faces until I buried my bead between her legs. 
Then her juices cleansed me and my own juice mixed with her wetness as I
tongue-fucked her cunt.

   "We fucked the next day.  It was nice, but it wasn't nearly as exciting
as our oral copulation.  She could get my uncle to fuck her anytime she
wanted, so she didn't have to turn to me for that.  But it was love and
oral satisfaction she received from me, and I felt damn good about it.  I
was finally happy myself, finally satisfied with sex, and it hasn't ended
yet.

   "My uncle has never found out.  I sometimes think he knows, but if he
does he doesn't care.  I date other girls, and I suppose one day I'll meet
one I love and will want to marry.  But Madge is all there is right now,
Madge and' her beautiful pussy and asshole.  My mouth was made to make love
to my aunt, I really believe that.

   "And hers was made to suck my cock.  I swear, she sucks me so hard and
so often, I think my penis has grown an inch or two since we started
playing around.

   "I've told a few of my friends about her, about our relationship, and
every-single one was horrified.  They tell me it's sick, it's unnatural,
it's wrong.  Bullshit!  Who's to say it's wrong?  It doesn't make us sick.
It seems like the most natural thing in the world.  So where does anyone
get off condemning me for it?

   "That's what's wrong with this world, with this country, with people! 
They still hold on to the Victorian ideals, to the things the good nuns and
priests taught them, to the words of their grandparents.  Man, this is a
new age, whether here in Cicero or in Italy, and if more people could be
like my aunt and me, things would be a lot more peaceful.  Agree?  I hope
so."

   The prognosis for Tony is not very favorable.  Tony has lost all
feelings of shame and disgust that are designed to moderate oral sexuality.
Not that oral sex is shameful or disgusting.  It is a pleasant adjunct to
coitus.  Only when oral sex consumes the entire sexual life is it a
perversion.

   There can be no ethnic difference between individuals who are at this
low stage of development, for culture is built upon the repression of what
individuals like Tony refuse to renounce.

   Chapter 3 Mai-Lin

   "My name is Mai-Lin, and you have no doubt seen my face in magazines and
fashion journals.  Yes, I'm a very successful model, and right now I'm at
the height of my career.  It is all so wonderful, so exciting, because I
have a great deal of money and people recognize me on the street, and I've
been asked to test for an upcoming film in Hollywood.  But I'm missing
something, something I need and want so very badly.  I'm missing a man to
love me.

   "Oh yes, I have many men to share my bed, to make love to me.  But I
don't have love, a man who is willing to give me everything.  Lately I've
been feeling terribly depressed, and so very lonely.  I am not frustrated
sexually, for I have a great sexual need and I satisfy it.  But I am
frustrated for the emotional, the inner feelings of loving and caring, and
this is why I have decided to talk to you, hoping you will be able to give
me advice.

   "I will go back to the beginning, I will tell you about my love life,
for I feel my particular desires in sex have something to do with the
reason no man stays with me.  I'm inclined to oral sex only, although I
will gladly submit to 'normal' intercourse if the man wants it badly, and I
think this scares many away.

   "I was born and raised in Chinatown, in San Francisco.  We were very
poor and lived in what we would now call a commune-many poor people sharing
the same house and cooking.  My father was a merchant, and very opposed to
the 'Americanization' of our family-this reminds me of the musical, Flower
Drum Song, which I saw so many years ago-but there was nothing he could do.
We were young Americans now, and we were becoming attuned to the ways of
the world.  San Francisco was a good place to begin a sexual education.

   "It wasn't often that we were able to leave the small section of the
city that was Chinatown, but that didn't matter, for there were always many
tourists walking up and down Grant Avenue, peering into the shops, eating
in our little restaurants.  Handsome young men would look at me, and at my
sisters and friends.  We liked it, and we learned how to be sexy, how to
tease.  It was quite an education, really.

   My mother was an incredible woman.  My beauty comes from her-she was
exquisite in every way.  Tall, slender, dark and soft-spoken, she was the
perfect wife and mother.  She had four children, and I am the youngest, the
baby.  But as soon as I was old enough to understand, she taught me about
sex and impressed one thing on my mind-that I was always to make my man
happy.  I knew it was my duty, as a woman, to give a man pleasure in every
way.  And one of those ways, she told me, was with my mouth.

   "One day when I was fifteen years old, after I had returned home from
school, my mother gave me' a very graphic lecture about oral sex.  I
understood everything she was saying, but I wanted more; I wanted to see
the act, to watch it carefully, and then to perform it myself.  I told her
my desires and she said, in best Chinese tradition, 'Be patient, little
flower, the time shall come and with it will be your man.'

   "That night was one I shall never forget.  I was talking with my sisters
about what my mother had told me, and I told them also of my desires to see
the oral act performed.  My oldest sister began to giggle and we knew she
had a' secret she had' not yet shared with us.

   "'What is it?' I asked.  She didn't reply.  She just laughed and brought
her fingers to her mouth.  After great prodding, she finally spoke up.

   "'You know the young man, Kim Sing, who works at the laundry across the
street?' she asked.

   "I knew him well, we all knew him well.  'He is very good-looking,' I
said.  My sister agreed, and then my oldest sister told us the secret:

   "'One day I took a short cut through the alley be hind the laundry, just
at closing time or a bit after.  I was walking slowly because I had bundles
in my arms.  I heard a noise, a moan, coming from the window of the laundry
room.  I thought perhaps someone was hurt, so I stopped and walked up to
the window, quietly-I suddenly thought perhaps someone was making love, and
I would be embarrassed to come upon them.  What happened was almost worse!'

   "I didn't understand.  'What do you mean?' I asked, my eyes wide.

   "'Kim Sing was in the laundry room, and it was quite dark except for one
area where he was kneeling.'

   "'Kneeling ?' my older sister asked in surprise.

   "'Yes, he was kneeling, and another boy was standing in front of him.'
My sister blushed and turned her head.  'Kim Sing was performing oral love
on this boy, in the corner of the empty laundry room.'

   "I could hardly believe it.  I looked at my sisters, and we all began
giggling in a very girlish manner.  I wanted to know more.  'Did you see it
all?  What happened?  He was actually doing this to another man?'

   "'Yes, Mai-Lin, he was doing it to another boy, about his age, only he
was an American.  I have seen him many times-he drives a delivery truck to
the laundry.'

   "I remembered now-yes, I had seen the boy who drives the truck!  He was
very handsome.  I nodded my head and my sister continued.

   "'Kim Sing was on his knees and the boy's penis was in his mouth.  It
was huge and thick, but Kim Sing put all of it in his mouth.  I don't know
where it went!  And the boy was feeling great pleasure; I could see it on
his face.  His pants were down around his knees, and Kim Sing rubbed his
testicles and his thighs as his mouth sucked on his penis.  I was very
excited just watching, and I knelt in the shadows of the building until it
was over.'

   "'Did Kim Sing take his orgasm in his mouth, as mother has told us to
do?' my other sister asked.

   "'He certainly did.  The boy grabbed Kim Sing's hair, and pulled it, and
shouted when it happened, and Kim Sing worked harder than ever to swallow
every bit of his semen.  I felt hot between my legs at that moment!  I
thought if only I could be doing it instead of Kim Sing!'

   "'Hmmmmm ...  ' I mumbled, 'I'll bet the delivery boy would like a woman
to do it, but he can't find anyone, or perhaps he's shy.' I don't know why
I said that; I guess it was instinctive.  We didn't discuss it any longer
that night, and the next day all three of us went over to the laundry to
see if we could catch a glimpse of the strange act that had excited us
so-but Kim Sing only locked the doors and went home.

   "It was a week later when I figured out that the delivery boy only
arrived on Tuesday and Thursday, and the next Tuesday we hid in the alley
until it was time for the laundry to close.  The delivery boy did not leave
at the regular time, so we knew we were in for a treat.

   "We were very lucky.  Kim Sing knelt on the floor of the big laundry
room and the other boy opened his pants.  But before he could pull them
down, he suggested they move near the window, where some laundry bags were
piled on the floor, so Kim Sing could kneel on them.

   "They were only a few feet from us, and we watched in fearful and
excited expectation of the scene.  The delivery boy pulled his pants to his
knees, and then his undershorts.  His penis was half-hard already, and Kim
Sing smiled and took it into his mouth.  He only sucked on it for a few
minutes, and suddenly it was hard as a rock and about ten inches long! 
Then he took it from his mouth and started licking at the boy's testicles
and rubbing his fingers down the crack of his ass.  They had their profiles
to us and we were breathing heavily on the window pane.

   "Kim Sing took the boy's penis in one hand and held it in front of his
face as he started sucking in swift, regular movements, back and forth, as
mother had instructed.  I was amazed at the expression of pleasure on the
delivery boy's face-he was in heaven!  He undulated his body and moved his
hips back and forth, driving his long, hard penis deep into Kim Sing's
young throat.  I pictured myself in Kim Sing's position, and I trembled in
pleasure.  Then Kim Sing took his own penis out of his pants and started
beating it up and down swiftly.

   "In a few moments, the delivery boy was sweating, and.  he looked as if
he were about to pass out.  He shoved his penis in and out of Kim Sing's
mouth so fast, it was nothing but a long blur of flesh.  Kim Sing's hand
moved the same way on his penis, and all of a sudden white spurts of fluid
shot from the swollen tip and his hand stopped moving.  His cream gushed
from the tip as his face still moved back and forth on the boy's hard
organ. At that moment I couldn't resist the temptation to place my hand on
my vagina-and I did, lifting my skirt just high enough to do so.

   "The boy moaned out loud and his body stiffened.  His eyes flashed and
he looked down to see Kim.  Sing sliding his lips along his penis, holding
his ass cheeks with his strong hands.  Then he shoved forward and grabbed
Kim Sing's hair.  At that moment, the exact second his orgasm hit, he
turned to the window and his face lit up.  in surprise at discovering his
audience, as well as from the excitement he was experiencing in his loins.
My sisters were horrified to have been caught, and they jumped up and ran
out of the alley so fast you would have thought someone was trying to kill
them.

   "I stayed and I.  watched.  I don't know how I had the strength to do
that, but I wasn't about to let the moment go for anything.  The delivery
boy looked straight into my eyes as he pumped his load into Kim Sing's
mouth.  I watched as a river of semen dribbled down Kim Sing's chin and
fell to his soft penis, which was still sticking out of his pants.  Kim
Sing never saw me, but the delivery boy remembered me well, as I was to
find out.  When the boy pulled his penis from Kim Sing's mouth, I watched
for just another moment until Kim Sing licked the last few drops of
moisture from the huge organ, and then ran down the alley to join my
sisters at home ...

   "A week later, the following Tuesday, I was waiting outside the laundry
when the delivery truck arrived.  The boy was surprised to see me, and
happy too, for he smiled.  He walked by me and stared at me, without a
word. I guess he didn't know what to say to a young Chinese girl who had
watched him in a homosexual act the week before.

   "I went to the alley and at closing time, I crept to the window.  I saw
the delivery boy enter the room and Kim Sing signed some papers for him. 
Then they had a short discussion:

   "'Do you have time to stay?' Kim Sing asked, placing his hand on the
boy's crotch.

   "'No, not today, although I am really horny.  Maybe Thursday.' Kim Sing
looked very disappointed, but he didn't pursue the matter.  He smiled at
the boy and they disappeared through the front of the store.

   "I left the alley, disappointed that I wouldn't be able to view the
scene which had excited me so, and in a moment I found myself walking next
to the delivery truck.  The boy was in the driver's seat and he was staring
at me.  I stopped-wondering for a moment if he may have planned it this
way, if this was why he had refused Kim Sing-and then stood staring into
his big blue eyes.

   "I thought I had fallen in love-it was all so new and exciting.  He
asked me to sit in the truck with him, and I did so, and in a moment we
drove into the deserted alley and parked.  No one could see us, but we went
into the back of the enclosed truck just in case someone should wander by.

   "His name was Joe, and he told me the most exciting moment of his sexual
life had been seeing me watching him at the moment of his orgasm.  He told
me he had thought about it-relived it-ever since.

   "Mai-Lin, I want to do whatever you want.  I know you are a virgin, and
I will not take advantage of you ...  '

   "I stopped him by placing my fingers lightly on his lips.  Then I bent
my head forward and kissed him, the first kiss that ever held any meaning
for me.  This was to be my first sexual experience and it would be
something I would never forget.

   "'I should like to do what Kim Sing does, because I know it gives you
such joy.  It is my desire to make you happy.'

   "'Oh, Mai-Lin, you make me happy just being here with me.' He eased
himself into a position where I could place my hands between his legs,
which I did.  I felt the warm hardness of his organ and I trembled at the
thought of actually touching it, holding it with my hand and my lips.

   "'You don't have to do this,' he said to me in a gentle tone, but I
assured him it was what I wanted.  So he lay back and closed his eyes and
said, 'I always heard Chinese were good at this-Kim Sing was good-but I
know you'll be better.  I've never had a Chinese girl before, and American
girls don't know how to suck at all.  That's why I go to Kim Sing.'

   "I listened with one ear only.  The rest of me was tuned in to his
thoughts, to his electricity, to his sexuality.  He was an extremely
handsome boy, rugged, dark.  He wore jeans and a shirt that exposed a very
hairy 'chest.  I unbuttoned it all the way' arid he took it off.  Then he
opened the belt on his jeans and undid the zipper.  I did the rest.

   "I opened the flap of his pants and saw his white undershorts staring at
me.  I rubbed my finger over them and saw the darkness of his pubic hair at
the elastic band.  Then as he lifted his ass, I tugged on his pants till
they came down around his thighs.  I don't know what I was thinking about
at the time my head was spinning!  It didn't seem to matter that he wasn't
touching me, or kissing me, or whispering words of love in my ear.  All I
wanted to do or think about was performing the act of oral love that had
been so firmly etched in my mind for so long.

   "I saw the outline of his penis through his white shorts.  I reached out
and rubbed it with my fingertips, and it sent a chill up my spine.  It
seemed to lengthen and grow even stiffer under the caressing tips of my
fingers.  I had to see it, to put my hands around it and hold it there in
my palm.

   "I pulled his shorts down to his thighs and his penis flopped out.  It
was larger than I remembered, larger than I could believe.  I had never
seen a man's organ so close, not even in pictures.  I was amazed at the
size of the head, how dark red and rounded it was, like a helmet capping a
beautiful soldier.

   "The shaft was so long and thick!  I touched it lightly and was amazed
that the skin was so smooth.  The organ was so rigid and hard, and yet the
skin was soft to the touch.  It was incongruous, and even more intriguing.
I looked at the heavy testicles between his closed legs.  They were covered
with dark hair and were very full and heavy.  I brushed them lightly also
and watched them move in excitement.

   "'Mai-Lin, let me take my pants off.  You've really got me going ...  '

   "He slipped his pants off and I watched as he spread his naked legs on
the floor of the trick.  His scrotum hung low between his legs and his
penis reached far up his taut belly.  I knelt between his legs and placed
both of my hands around the thick shaft of his organ.  I whispered a short
prayer that I might be good, that I might please him, that I might do well.

   "Then I pulled his penis from his belly and pointed it toward me.  I saw
the little slit in the tip looking at me, with a drop of 'pearly white
liquid sitting there waiting for my lips.  I bent my head down and my hair
brushed his thighs and testicles, and then flicked my tongue out over the
rounded swollen tip of his penis, and took the drop of white into my mouth.
He groaned as he watched in fascination.

   "I kissed his penis and let it fall back to his belly.  Then I stroked
it with one hand and rubbed his testicles with my other.  He groaned again
and mumbled, 'Oh, Mai-Lin, take my cock.  Please, beautiful baby, take my
cock in your mouth ...  '

   "Mother had always used medical terms with us, and when I talked of sex
with my sisters we often used those terms, only using the vernacular on
occasions when we wanted to giggle or feel very decadent.  But now, hearing
him call his organ his 'cock,' I was very excited and wanted to say it
myself.  I did.

   "'Joe, I love your cock, your big cock!' I said, like a baby saying her
first words.  It excited him.  He moved his hips on the floor of the truck
and moaned again.  'I want to suck your big cock and feel your balls,' I
said, feeling very daring now.

   "'Mai-Lin baby, yes, suck my cock till I fill your mouth with come! 
Grab my balls!  Hard!  Hold them tight!' I grabbed his balls and squeezed
them.  He liked it and his cock rose another inch, or so it seemed.  I was
going crazy now-I had to take it into my lips!

   "I grabbed the base with my right hand, still keeping my left on his
balls, and lifted it to point at my face again.  Then I opened my lips-I
was shaking, trembling with the fear that I would bite it or hurt him or be
less than he was expecting (and I wanted to be better than Kim Sing!)-and
took it.  I clamped my lips around the huge head and let my tongue slide
over the slit in the tip.  I'm sure I tasted another drop of his semen
again.  I held there, with my eyes open, looking up at his face, seeing the
exquisite look of pleasure there-I knew I was doing' well.

   "I pushed my lips farther down, moving slowly till the tip hit the back
of my throat.  I gagged a bit, but soon learned how to take it there
without any trouble.

   "'That's it, baby, just slide up and down, hold it with your hand and
suck it, honey, suck it, suck it good ...  '

   "I sucked with all my might.  I felt my tongue crawling along the shaft
and then the head floating almost scraping-across the roof of my mouth.  My
hands worked themselves around the base and his balls, exciting him all the
more.  He sighed and banged his feet on the floor and muffled shouts of
pleasure.

   I was putting him in rapture, and the more I heard him groan in
excitement, the more I worked on his cock.  I was doing well and it was
only my first time.  I was very pleased.

   "I began sweating-I thought of Kim Sing sweating' just before Joe
reached orgasm in his mouth and this only drove me to work harder.  I was
obsessed with the feeling of his manhood in my mouth.  I felt the ridge
under the glans, the hardness of the shaft, the thickness near the base,
the soft skin of the rubbery head.  I held his balls in my hand and
squeezed .as hard as I could, not afraid of hurting him, knowing he was
liking it.  I wanted him to reach his peak, to come in my mouth.  I
wondered what it would taste like?  I wondered how much there would be? 
How hot would it be?  How long would it last?  Would I be able to swallow
it?

   "All of a sudden Joe lifted his feet in the air and slammed them down.
Then his buttocks rose off the floor as he called out, 'Mai-Lin, I'm
coming!'

   "My mouth was filled with hot cream!  My cheeks filled, forcing me to
swollow.  It was difficult because the head of his cock was deep in my
throat and I was afraid I would swallow that too!  But I did it, and as
each spurt of come boiled out of the tip of his beautiful penis, I drank it
down, never spilling a drop.

   "I loved the taste, loved the feeling, loved the knowledge that I had
brought a handsome young man to sexual orgasm the first time I tried.  I
knew then that I was born to perform fellatio on men, that it was the right
thing for me.  I wouldn't let go of his cock!  I wanted it never to leave
my mouth.  Tears rose in my eyes when I finally had to release it, soft and
gentle, from my clasping lips.  I felt so wonderful when it was in there,
and without it I missed something, and desired it again with all my might.

   "I played with Joe's penis for a time, licking it, watching it curl and
move and flop around on his hairy groin.  I fell between his legs and I
licked it and his balls at the same time, and then he turned over and
spread his legs, pushing the tip of his cock down under his balls.  I faced
everything he had-his asshole, his cock and his balls.  I didn't know if he
wanted me to touch his asshole at first, but as soon as I licked his balls
he said, "Go up a bit, yes, suck my ass for a minute ..."

   "Another facet of excitement-his asshole-came into my world of sex.  I
licked his asshole and tried to stick my tongue up it, but it was too tight
and the position was wrong.  But his cock grew long again crawling along
the floor, and I soon was sucking on the tip, licking it as it was captive
there under his tremendous balls ...

   "Then Joe moved up on his knees and his cock flipped under him and hung
down between his legs.  I started to move around him, to suck it from the
front, but he stopped me.  'Mai-Lin, pull it under my nuts,' suck it from
behind like you were doing!'

   "But it will hurt, will it not?' I asked, concerned.

   "'Yes, a bit, but that will be exciting!  Please, pull it to face you
and rub my asshole with your fingers.  He spread his legs, anticipating.  I
grabbed his cock and pulled it down under the hanging sac and took it in my
mouth.  I moved my head back and forth in rhythm, and each time my nose
struck his hairy balls.  I brought one finger up and played with his
asshole, but then I finally pushed Just the tip in.  He groaned again, and
I felt his cock stiffen even more.  I knew he was going to come again.

   "I grabbed his cock with my hand just as he started shooting arid pulled
my head back a few inches so I could watch the come shoot out of him and
'catch it with my face.  I wanted to bathe in his semen, so I let it hit my
face-all over, my cheeks, forehead, my hair, my lips and nose-and I watched
the tiny slit in his cock open and shut at least ten times as he spurted
what was left of his love cream onto my face.  As soon as it was over, he
fell to the floor, and we both rested there for what seemed like a long
long time ...

   "And that's how it began.  I sucked Joe off every Tuesday and Thursday
for almost a year.  Poor Kim Sing didn't know I was his competition, and he
never figured out what had gone wrong.  But my older sister told me he
found more boys over the following months, so he was satisfied.'

   "And so was I.  I was participating in a sexual act which was often not
talked about, often not discussed, often called strange and even abnormal,
but it was the thing that gave me most pleasure, I never thought much about
my own body, about my sexual needs, about intercourse and such.  I
masturbated, thinking of the cocks I had sucked, and for me this was very
satisfying.

   "But I had to grow up, and as I moved around the country and began to
get my career in modeling going, I realized sex was not all there was to
life.  My friends fell in love and married, but I only found men to suck
off in the night.  And it is no different today.

   "I'm afraid a lasting relationship cannot be built only on an oral
relationship, that a marriage cannot have as its sexual base a completely
oral interest.  No man I have ever met .has been interested in me past a
sex relationship, because I'm orally inclined.  And this often makes me
want to be otherwise, but I cannot lie forever, cannot fake things forever.
I only wish I could."

   Mai-Lin is a heterosexually inclined young woman, but she is evidently
fixated at the oral stage of her psychosexual development.

   Her mother's early instruction of her in the arts of pleasing men was
quite unusual, even in a woman of Chinese ancestry.  This, however,
remained merely academic knowledge until, with the aid of her sisters,
Mai-Lin was able to observe an act .of homosexual oral intercourse between
a neighbor and a strange young Caucasian man.  This aroused her sexually as
well as arousing her curiosity, and she could hardly wait to tryout what
she had already learned at first hand.

   From this point in her life she became an ardent oralist.  First she had
an oral affair with the young Caucasian she had witnessed earlier.  When
this relationship ended, she met another young man with whom she had a
sexual relationship.  This young man, however, wanted
"normal"-genital-to-genital-inter-course, but Mai-Lin found that she
received little pleasure in the union of their genitals.

   The first stage of psychological development is the oral-erotic phase.
At this level, the infant's sexual and ego instincts are united.  In other
words, sexual pleasure issues from the labial zone, the same zone through
which the infant receives its first nourishment.

   Freud writes:

   If an infant could speak, he would no doubt pronounce the act of sucking
at his mother's breast by far the most important in his life.  He is not
far wrong in this, for in this single act, he is satisfying at once the two
great vital needs.  We are therefore not surprised to learn from
psycho-analysis how much psychical importance the act retains all through
life.  Sucking at the mother's breast is the starting-point of the whole of
sexual life, the unmatched prototype of every later sexual satisfaction, to
which fantasy often recurs in times of need.  This sucking involves making
the mother's breast the first object of the sexual instinct.

   During this phase when the instincts are fused, the infant does not
recognize the breast (the primary object of both nourishment and sexuality)
as an object.  He believes it to be a part of his own body.  From
interuterine life, the child has received the prototype of
self-sufficiency, where everything wished for was simultaneously provided.
He carried this conception with him after birth, and only after much
disappointment does he come to recognize first the breast and later the
rest of the world, as objects external to himself.  This revelation on the
part of the child represents a transition from the autoerotic stage of ego
development, when the instincts are fused, to that of object-love, when a
separation is made between the instincts of the ego and the sexual
instincts.  When these instincts are "defuse?" both the aggressive ego
instincts and the sexual instincts seek a fulfillment from objects in the
external world.

   The ego now directs the instincts of self-preservation towards the
outside world, in which it attempts to find the gratification necessary to
maintain its own existence.  Freud terms this energetic standpoint of the
ego "interest" when he discusses this point in his .introductory lectures
on psychoanalysis.

   The sexual instincts, in both men and women, find their first object in
the external world in the person of the mother.  The little girl remains
attached to the mother until she is confronted with the "genital trauma."
The genital trauma occurs from two situations.  Firstly, there is a buildup
of aggressions against the inhibiting forces of the external world which
denies the child immediate satisfaction of all his desires.  When the
little boy encounters this situation, he discharges his aggressions through
genital masturbation.  The little girl, lacking an organ which can serve
for such release, is forced to regress to the anal and oral phases of
development until she experiences vaginal penetration.  When, through
observation, she becomes .aware that she lacks an organ that little boys
have, she develops what has been termed by psychoanalysis "penis envy."
This penis envy is the second element in the genital trauma.  At this time,
the little girl discredits her mother, blaming h er for this loss, and
transfers her libido to her father, unconsciously hoping to receive a child
from him to compensate for the loss.

   Since Mai-Lin's father plays an insignificant part In her development,
she is forced to remain sexually attached to her mother.  In her fear of
the homosexual inclinations inherent in this situation she must defend
against her own homosexuality.  Freud, m The Ego and the Id, advises that
the universal rule for giving up a love object is to identify with this
love object.  Mai-Lin has been forced into an intense identification with
her mother.  In this identification, she repeats all that her mother has
taught her that is oral-eroticism.'

   The consequences of this regression make it impossible for Mai-Lin to
achieve coitus.  In all her love relations, she is incapable of giving
herself to her partner.  She remains fixated at a stage where nutrition and
sexuality were "fused" together.  For Mai-Lin, the penis has become a
symbolic substitute for the nipple.

   Deprived of her father's love, Mai-Lin was never able to appreciate the
family situation which is so important for later development.  This is
quite ironic, for before the great revolution in China, the family was the
most important priority in life and, in the Chinese ethic, almost consumed
the whole of the individual's existence.

   If the dissolution of the family unit in China produces individuals like
Mai-Lin, there will be no need to worry about Malthusian expansion in the
future, as China's population will surely decrease.

   "I developed my technique of modeling over the few years I have been in
the business, and at the same time I have developed and refined my
technique in cocksucking.  I would say I am the greatest female oral expert
in the world, but that is saying too much, I'm afraid.  I do know I am as
good as the best, for I have never displeased a man.

   "A strange thing has happened to me lately.  I have been enjoying a new
wave of popularity since President Nixon visited China.  You have recently
seen me modeling all the new fashions with the Chinese influence, and I
have been very proud to do so.  At the same time my popularity as a person
has increased and my sexual activity has never been more intense.

   "I wonder if it has anything to do with my work.  When I do not work for
months, I do not find as great a need for sex.  When I work like crazy, I
need sex like crazy.  And the more I want to find a man to love me, to
settle down with me, the more I find myself inclined to be like a whore, to
take any man available to service him, hoping he may be the right one, the'
one who will love me forever ...  but it never turns out that way.

   "Just the other day I finished a long session of photographs with winter
clothing.  It was hot in the studio and I was sweating and I had a
headache. The head photographer was a man I had wanted for a long time. 
The sight of him drove me insane with lust-and on this particular day he
happened to be wearing tight blue jeans which were worn and faded.  His
cock was all but visible through the tight material and often during the
session, when he stood above me on a ladder, or when he spread' his legs to
get a good shot, I wanted to rip his pants off and take his cock into my
mouth and suck him till he dropped!e

   "When the session was finished, I went into the dressing room and drank
cold water and took a few Excedrin.  There was a knock on the door and Phil
entered-the photographer-dressed only in his jeans.  No shoes, no shirt; no
camera around his neck.

   "'Mai-Lin, it's hotter than hell in here.  I was just going to take a
shower.  I wanted to tell you you were terrific, honey.  All the magazines
will grab them up!' He sat down in a chair near me and put his head back.'

   "'Fur coats under those lights, Phil.  God, I'm ready to pop.  I've been
nervous all day.' I didn't know what to say or do.  He just sat there, with
his legs spread, showing me that outline of his big cock.  I was going
crazy underneath, dying to get my mouth on it.  It was better than going
home to an empty apartment!

   "We sat there for a few minutes without saying a word, shy, afraid. 
Then I did an impulsive thing-I jumped up, fell to my knees and all but
ripped the buttons off his fly.  He said something, but I couldn't
understand what it was.  All I knew was his cock was getting harder by the
second and he was helping me get his pants off his body.  I worked it up
with my hand for a moment and then sucked it all the way into my mouth.  He
shoved his hips forward and lifted his feet to the front of the chair,
slouching.  I worked on his cock so hard I don't think he knew what hit
him.

   "It was very thick, and not too long, so it fit just perfectly down my
throat.  I could get my lips to the base and swirl my tongue around in his
pubic hair.  I played with his balls and his asshole and he was almost in
tears by the time he was ready to come.

   "I sucked with firm, even, maddening strokes, stopping each time he got
too excited.  I wanted to work him up, work the semen up, hold it back till
it was ready to burst like a volcano and then take it all in my mouth. 
Each time he was ready to come, I pulled my lips off it and watched the bit
of sperm squeeze painfully out of the tip of his glans, and then I went
back and worked him up again.

   "Finally, he shot off.  It was a beautiful load thick and very hot
almost burning.  He pushed my head to his crotch so hard my lips almost
were cut by my teeth.  He shot in long heavy spurts, with low agonizing
groans.  I felt good-not lonely any more, rather satisfied and full.

   "All of a sudden the door opened.  Jack the assistant stood there with
his mouth open.  In a moment his pants were also open and I was kneeling
there, in the doorway, sucking his cock for all I was worth.  He had a long
slender penis, and I sucked.  It with ease gently, lightly rubbing the tips
of my finger's over the' bottom of his testicles.  He spread his legs and
bent forward and came easily without a sound, and then collapsed to the
floor.

   "While I was sucking Jack, another of the men who had worked on the
session with us, an older man walked by and saw the amazing sight.  He
pulled out his cock and started beating off in the hall, but he hadn't come
when Jack fen to the floor, so I opened my mouth-still dripping with Jack's
semen and allowed the man to pump himself off into my waiting lips.  Phil
was hard again this time and he sat playing with himself as the older man
came into my mouth.

   "Phil got up and called the two other guys-young hippie types-who were
in the studio and invited them to 'get sucked off by the most talented girl
in the business'-and I don't quite know how he meant that!  They walked in
the rooom and couldn't believe their eyes-the star model is kneeling in the
middle of the room, Phil is bare naked with a stiff cock in his hand and
older man's penis is still dripping with come, Jack is sitting on the
floor, his pants around his ankles ...  They immediately took their pants
off.  No one allowed themselves to think or to question we were all very
charged up and to think about it would have been to destroy it.

   "I took the first kid's cock-which was rather small, but nicely
formed-in my mouth and worked on his friend's with my hand.  I felt Jack
start rubbing my pussy lips under my skirt-,-I had no panties on-and Phil
played with" my tits, rubbing them gently through the material of my robe.
Soon they stripped me and covered my body with licks and kisses.  This was
exciting, but not nearly as exciting as the feel of the boy's cock in my
mouth.  He came easily, like Jack, and' stepped aside so his friend could
have me.  I opened my lips, and he stuffed it in-it was huge-and started
fucking me in my face.  He came with great shouts and shudders, which
excited everyone even more.

   "I asked them all to line up against the wall in the hallway.  They
obeyed, and I got on my knees again, and looked down the line.  Their cocks
were standing at attention and I was in ecstasy!  Five male organs, all
ready to come for the second time!  I wanted them to choke me, to flood me,
to give me their life-giving sperm!  I needed them more than I had ever
needed anything.  I felt as if I were suddenly loved, as if I were suddenly
not so alone.

   "I sucked on Phil as the others watched.  The hippie with the big cock
came to help me, licking Phil's ass and rubbing his balls as I sucked.  He
was very cool and uninhibited, and when Phil came we moved to the next
person,' who was the other hippie boy, and as I sucked his cock, his friend
fucked him in the ass!  I couldn't believe it, but it excited me because it
was different and perverse and new for me.  Each time the hippie with the
big cock shoved it up his friend's asshole, the cock slammed into my
throat. The older man stood next to me, beating his meat again, and came
all over my naked shoulders.

   "The hippie came, and his friend evidently came in his asshole, because
he shouted in pleasure and then sort of collapsed on the floor with his
friend.  I went on to Jack, to his long slender cock, and sucked it
passionately until he too came for a second time!

   "I was drunk on come, dizzy from the beautiful white liquid!  I lay back
on the floor and Jack sucked my pussy while Phil licked my tits, but I
didn't feel a thing.  My head was still between all their legs and I
started remembering Joe and the many Chinese boys I had sucked off in
Chinatown before leaving San Francisco.  From the alleys behind Grant
Avenue to a photographer's studio on Fifth Avenue in New York City, I was
doing the thing I knew best, sucking the male penis for all it was worth
and all I was worth.'

   "I'm nuts about it, nuts for it, and sometimes, lately, I'm beginning to
think I'm really nuts.  I have dreams of men beating me with their cocks,
of them standing above me and slapping me across the face with their big
hard organs.  I see handsome young men dressed in blue jeans pulling out
their cocks and pissing on me.  I see Chinese men opening their pants to
me, American men, all kinds of men.  I dream of, cocks, big and small,
circumcised and uncircumcised, hand and soft, filling my mouth.  I'm
obsessed to the point where I'm beginning to be afraid of myself.

   "I met a guy-Paul-about five months ago.  We dated, and I let him fuck
me because I cared about him; I had fallen in love with him.  When he
wanted to fuck again the next night, I told him I would rather suck his
cock, and then maybe the next night I .would let him fuck me again.  I was
sure I could win him over to my side, the oral side, if I had the time. 
But he refused.  He wanted to fuck.  So I let him fuck me, night after
night, till I was sucking off the elevator boy in my building just to keep
from going crazy!  Soon I couldn't take it any more and we spent a night of
nothing but oral sex, and it was wonderful.

   "'The next night, however, it was back to regular vaginal intercourse. I
put up with it for another week, with oral foreplay but never an oral
orgasm, until I realized I was so in love with him I had to either tell him
the truth or spend the rest of my life being miserable with him.  I knew he
was going' to' ask me to marry him.

   "I blew it, if you don't mind the expression.  I told him I needed oral
gratification, I explained it was a.  need stemming from childhood, that it
was something that was completely natural to me, something my mother had
taught me.  He couldn't understand, and although he had compassion and said
he still loved me, he was afraid such a marriage would never last and that
I would not be a proper mother with suck a deviation.

   "It isn't a deviation, is it?  Am I a freak?  How can I be so beautiful,
so popular a model and person, and yet be so sick?  I'm not sick!  I'm not!
But I'm afraid that I'm one of a kind, that there is no one like me in the
world, and I will never find a person to love me in the way I need to be
loved ...

   "But I go on.  I visited my parents-still in Chinatown-recently, and I
told my mother of my problems, and she did not know what to tell me.  It
seems no one can offer advice or guidance, I don't want to change, I don't
want to stop sucking cock because I honestly love it, but I do want to be
accepted, to be loved.

   "Last night I met a man about my age, very good .looking, very
well-built.  He told me he loved Oriental girls and knew that they were the
'best cocksuckers in the world!' I was excited, pleased, knowing he wanted
what I was best in giving.  His cock was magnificent and I sucked on it
half the night.  He came three times and ate my pussy out so well that I
even came!  But today, when I talked to him on the phone, he told me he
was-dying to throw a good fuck into me.  I told him I didn't want that, I
told him oralism was my bag.  He politely excused himself from our date
this evening, and then told me that Oriental girls 'are supposed to fuck
too.'

   "I know we're supposed to fuck too and so I want to know why can't I?  I
can do it if I force myself, but it is a painful process, one that is not
worth lying about.  Mai-Lin, beautiful and successful Oriental model,
expert at fellatio, rich and pleasant-but very unhappy."

   Fixated upon the oral stage of development, Mai-Lin never developed the
feelings of disgust which serve to moderate oral eroticism.  As we observed
in the case of Tony, Mai-Lin is also entirely concerned in her sexual
activity, with an act that should have been superseded in importance by
coitus and the propagation of the species.  This is the highest development
of the individual's sexual instincts.

   Mai-Lin is therefore perverse because she has never developed the
resistances from which a healthy sex life evolves.  It 'is quite likely
that Mai-Lin will never attain full sexual maturity.

   Chapter 4 Maria

   "Up and down, up and down, faster now.  He loves it-I can tell that from
the way his magnificent cock stays large, and from the mounting tension I
sense.  I pretend that, instead of being here on a sterile white hospital
bed, we're sprawled voluptuously on gold satin sheets.  Suck, suck, suck,
furiously now, then ease it a bit, make it last, make it good for him ...

   "What mounds of rippling muscles he has, thick patches of hair where
hair should be, everything a girl could ask for.  And this cock knows how
to appreciate the delicate art of fellatio; it's an experienced cock all
right.  I wonder how it would feel inside me, and wonder if I'd dare, here
in the hospital, me a nurse!

   "Most of all I wonder what he looks like under those bandages covering
his face, and he's probably wondering about me.  It's more exciting
somehow, not seeing each other, not knowing each other, communicating with
taps on the table, two taps for fresh water, please, three taps for suck me
off, nurse.  And I'm not doing this out of duty or pity.  I'm doing it
because I adore sucking cock, losing' myself, in the ever changing rhythms
of my head, the constant swishing of my tongue against the warm hardness.
Up and down and around and around I go.  I love it!

   "The door's locked.  The 'do not disturb' sign hangs on the knob.  We
have all the time in the world and I'll even give up my break, yes, gladly,
if he wants to prolong it.

   "Suck, release, suck ...  my vacuum-cleaner mouth takes it in deeper and
deeper.  Not all seven inches, that I can't quite manage, but lots of it,
while my left hand takes care of the rest and my right hand fondles his
balls ever so gently.  My pauses are less frequent now.  He's ready for the
steady, continuous final phase.  No more teasing, just straight suck. 
Build up speed ever so gradually.  Nothing harsh, no quick changes, just
more and more of the same, titillating the shaft more all the time.  No
swallowing, let the saliva slurp, slurp.  His cock is dripping with it and
so are my hands.  By now it probably feels like pussy juice to him.  Ah, I
wonder what his fantasies are ...

   "Is he picturing" himself, big and bronze on :l deserted beach at
twilight with a sinuous blond, picturing the sensuous grace of her body as
her head bobs up and down and her firm young breasts bounce ever so
slightly, her long legs straddling his?  Suddenly the beach fantasy becomes
my own, I see his naked hairy body not on satin sheets but on sand, the
firm texture of his body glowing in the oblique evening light, his chest
rising and falling as the waves rush in and out.  His face, yes, dark,
swarthy, eyebrows that match his pubic hair, full, round lips that want to
eat my pussy, and my pussy hurts for it.  It hurts so much I want to take
one hand away from him and get to the slick, tingly surface where scarcely
more than a touch would send me into exploding ecstasies.

   "But I go on, up and down, back to the satin sheets for diversion, soul
music coming from the hi-fi, the faint aroma of rum we'd been drinking. 
I'm the maid sucking off the lord of the manor, and I'd better do it fast
now for his wife will be home and calling for me, but it's me he loves
really, this gem of a man loves me ...  and so I suck, suck, suck.

   "He's getting closer.  Don't ask me how I can tell.  Somewhere in his
body, something 'is beginning to give way.  The shaft is harder, my mouth
strains with fullness.  Oh, God, in a moment it will all be over, and I'd
wanted it to last and last, with me here, forever a worshiper at the shrine
of life, the eternal phallus: A sudden surge from within tells me to
accelerate my motion, to suck harder, faster..  And.  now the throbbing has
begun and he thrusts his mighty sword into my mouth.  The warm liquid
spurts out.  My communion, my reward.  I hold it for a few instants without
swallowing, tasting its deliciousness and sucking till I'm sure I have it
all, while he squirms relentlessly beneath me, the pulsations diminishing
now.  My mouth runneth over.  And at last I take it into my throat.

   "My pussy aches for release, yet I am content for the moment in his
contentment.  I hold his spent masculinity against my face, relishing this
brief moment of utter tranquility, but knowing that sooner or later my
pussy will demand release, too.

   "And soon I have to leave, making the rounds of the other patients,
exchanging a shy glance with Dr.  Chard in, wondering if he'll ever get
around to asking me out.  He must know what a good nurse I am, from the way
I keep my patients serene and happy.

   "Most of the doctors know what goes on here.  After all these patients
are young studs, soldiers, some fresh from the Southeast Asian whorehouses
and some who haven't had a woman in months, but all of them so horny, you
catch them pulling their hands out from under the sheets all the time with
that little-boy guilty expression: Mommy, you know I wouldn't do anything
bad.  Even with some of the pretty sick ones, you're apt to see the sudden
rising of a mountain peak in the middle of the sheet when you're just there
doing your duty.

   "Some hospitals are-squeamish, I know.  At the place where I did my
training, they took a guy to the psycho ward just for jacking off!  Rather,
for getting caught jacking off.  My God, didn't they know that was a sign
of health, not mental illness?

   "So I was a little surprised at the way things are handled here.  Don't
get me wrong.  It's not that all this is fully endorsed and approved by the
staff, it's just that people are hip.

   "Shortly after r was hired, one of the guys bared a hard cock for me to
see and pointed at it smiling.  I shook my head politely, fixed his pillow
faster than usual and ran down the hall.  I demanded to see the doctor on
the ward, and, when he finally had time to speak with me, I told him.

   "'I think the patient wanted me to perform a sex act ...  fellatio,
perhaps,' I said.

   "He nodded gravely.  'You're new, aren't you?'

   "'es,' I said.

   "'The needs of these young men are great.  The chances of anyone's
becoming violent are rather slim.  We screen patients carefully, although
sometimes mental disturbances do occur in a hospital setting.  Don't worry
about being hurt.'

   "He hesitated a moment before going on.  'We don't ask that our nurses
be prostitutes.  You're not demanded anything beyond your assigned duties.
But some of the girls here feel such great sympathy for their patients that
they go beyond the call of duty, if you know what I mean, Usually it's
quite discreet: One doesn't speak of it to, say, the head of nursing.  One
closes one's eyes.  Now forget that I have told you any of this.  You're
old enough to have figured it out for yourself.'

   "I guess that was when I started to respect doctors again.  I'd hated
them, refused even to go out with interns when I was in training, because
they treated us like slaves.  I resented it all the more because I'd wanted
to be a doctor myself once, and I had had all the qualifications except a
rich Anglo father and a prick.  A rich Anglo father will pay for medical
school, and being male will get you a scholarship.

   "Well, I lucked out: Instead of Doctor Verdugo, I'm Maria Verdugo, R.N.,
a hospital whore.  I don't make as much money as a doctor or a high-class
whore, which I'm sure I could be, but I have fun and respectability.  Who
could ask for more?  But now and then my bitterness shows.

   "I don't suck everybody's cock, of course.  Some of the other girls do
it, some know about it and don't, and a few don't know about it.  The
problem is keeping it a secret from the nurses who don't know about it and
wouldn't understand.  Number Eight, with the bandages on his face, is a guy
I dug right from the first time I gave him a bath and saw the glorious
architecture of his body.  Little did I know that while his face was all
bandaged up he'd develop a code to ask for it.  Number Fourteen is nice,
too, a bright college kid who got zapped by the draft when his grades
dropped.  We have kind of a good thing going, in spite of his being about
four years younger than me.

   "Most of the guys flirt and really work hard to get something going. 
Now, No.  14 just asked me one day if he could talk dirty.

   "'Sure,' I said.  'I won't tell.'

   "'If you weren't a nurse, I'd fuck you,' he said.

   "'What you mean,' I returned, 'is that if your right leg weren't in
traction you'd fuck me.  Right?'

   "'Come to think of it, I'd have a pretty hard time, wouldn't H' He
surveyed the gear that held his leg pointed upward,.  'But I'd really like
to.  I wouldn't just fuck you, I'd make love to you.  Would you believe I
lie here thinking about it, thinking about you and what you'd be like?'

   "I smiled.  'Do you talk to all the nurses that way?'

   "'You bet your life I don't.  Some of them would slap me in the face, me
a sick man, returned from serving my country ...  '

   "There's sort of an unspoken rule that a guy doesn't get it from more
than one nurse, because there aren't nearly enough nurses to go around ...
and, of course, we have our jealousies, too.  Some nurses get romantic and
stick to one guy, which is rather selfish of them.  But we all pretend that
the guy we're with is the only one getting our favors-in fact, the only guy
in the hospital getting such favors-hoping they won't compare notes and
create a scandal once they get out.

   "Well, to make a long story short, while Number Fourteen was telling me
I was beautiful and intelligent and everything," I got closer and closer to
the bulging monument beneath the sheet.

   "I looked at him and suddenly his face was agonized with desire.  'Would
you?  Could you?  I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have asked ...  '

   "'Shut up and get sucked off,' I said.

   "He laughed.  'You're something, all right.'

   "'Wait and see what you think when I'm finished.' I told him.

   "I whipped back the sheet and carefully maneuvered the hospital gown out
of the way.  And there before me was his cock, reaching upward like a
church spire, set in the finest nest of reddish blond hair.  I took it in
my hands and gently moved the loose flesh up and down.

   "'God, you don't know how long it's been ...  ' he muttered.

   "'Tell me about Oriental women.  Is it true? ...  '

   "'Honey, they'll do it sideways, assways, anyways, or that's what the
fellows tell me.  Now I wouldn't know.'

   "'You're putting me on.'

   "'I'm not.  I'd sworn to be true forever to a pretty girl in Wyoming and
she shafted me' for a rich rancher.'

   "He sounded serious, but I wasn't sure.  Anyway, I said, 'Don't cry
tears, baby, cry sperm.  That'll do us both more good.'

   "'Let me kiss you first,' he begged.

   "That made me feel all soft and tender.  Some guys are still romantic in
the old-fashioned way, and I rather like it, even if I'm not exactly
romantic.

   "Our lips met, mine on top of his, and almost instantly our mouths
opened and we exchanged tongues, mingling our saliva, passionately twisting
our faces together.  His hand reached to one of my breasts, which was about
as far as he could reach, and beneath me I could feel the furious pounding
of his heart.  At last we separated, exchanged a glance of warmth and
tenderness.

   "I liked this guy, but, of course, I wasn't going to get hung up.  And
for me, sucking a cock isn't romantic in the usual way, it's a kind of
erotic religion or something.  In giving myself this way I purge myself of
my disappointments and bitterness.  So I not only give, I take.  I feel on
these sick guys, not only eating their high-protein sperm but letting them
give me something that nourishes my depraved ...  oops, I meant to say
deprived soul.

   "I looked again at that glorious tool, upright as ever.  Then I waved my
hand over it and watched as it moved toward my fingers.  An involuntary
reaction, of course, but I like.  to dispense with scientific explanations
and pretend it's magic.  His cock is drawn to my hand by mysterious powers,
beyond his or my control.  And the same is true with my mouth.  I approach
the lower edge of the bed, then lean over with my tongue hanging out.  And
it reaches for my tongue; it wants it.

   "I can hardly wait to get it in my mouth, but I don't forget the usual
precautions, .like locking the door and putting out the sign so nobody will
come in.  It's amazing that some of the old girls on this floor don't know
what that sign means.  They think it's for enemas or something ...  well,
there are guys who get their kicks that way, but they're just not of the
same calibre as the guys who want to get sucked off.

   "I savor the sight of that tough, purple member for as long as I can
stand it.  It's going to be awkward, since I don't dare sit on the bed, but
I can lean over.  And so I do.  Anxious as I am I do it in sensuous slow
motion, my mouth greedily opened and ready for its ritual meal.

   "'Oh, baby,' he groans.

   "I don't answer.  I just lower my gaping mouth to the head of it. 
Instead of clamping down hard, I let my tongue travel in tiny circles,
teasingly, oh so gradually, centering in on his most sensitive spot.  And
when I get to that tender ridge he howls like a dog who's just heard a
siren.  So I dart away, lapping at the sides, the edge of the crown,
everywhere but where he really wants it most.  Too much too fast and I'd
have a mouth full of love-juice in seconds, and a rather embarrassed guy on
my hands,

   "This must be sustained.  That's the secret, giving a guy just enough to
keep him excited, making him wait in exquisite suspense while his mind
carries him to his favorite fetishes and fantasies.  The bigger the buildup
the bigger the explosion.

   "I make my tongue almost as pointed as a pencil and explore its varied
landscape of bumps and ridges with the curiosity of someone just landed on
an unknown planet.  Every cock has its own special character, unique and
indescribable.  It's not a question of some being superior to others; my
own peculiar perversion is that I love them all.  Each time, the one I
happen to be sucking is the greatest and most beautiful cock in the world.

   "'Do you know what you're doing to me?' he groans now, with the slurred
speech of a man losing his rational powers.

   "I smile back at him with my eyes, just the slightest squint.  Nothing
could make me take my mouth away from what I am doing.

   "And I continue with the delicate preliminaries, knowing that I'm
driving him wild but not stimulating him too much.  God, I wish he'd tell
me what he's thinking.  I don't care whether he thinks of me or not.  I
hope that I evoke the most madly erotic imaginings from the inner reaches
of his mind, stirring desires he didn't know existed.  Yes, he probably had
an aunt or a cousin, a little older, and very sexy in her Western riding
boots and all ...  She broke hearts as easily as teacups, ah, but to her
younger sweet young male relative, she was always good.  She was kind and
gave him candy, never dreaming that he spent hour after hour in the privy,
imagining her with her legs spread apart, her boots still on ...  and,
faster and faster, he jerked his arm until the geyser of sperm let him know
he was really a man, and he didn't care what the preacher said or; what
anybody said, because he knew damn well it wouldn't drive him insane
permanently, only for a few moments, and it was well

   worth it ...

   "How well I know how a man thinks and feels.  Is there something wrong
in that?  My fantasizing their fantasies?  Surely not; surely it's because
I like giving, I like cocksucking, I like men.

   "He wants more.  I know now that his mind has departed the room for some
remote world of pure eroticism and he wants me to take all of him in my
mouth at last.  At last!

   "But slowly, very slowly I lower my tensed lips over this marvelous
prong, protecting its delicate flesh from my teeth.

   "'Suck,' he screams almost.  'Suck I Suck!  Suck!  Suck me!'

   "For a fleeting, insignificant moment I hope that no one is passing by
the door ...

   "Then I suck, pulling upward oh so tenderly scarcely moving the loose
flesh, then down, down, down, as far as I can go, wishing I could get it
all in.  Up again slowly, and then down, teasingly, with what must be
almost excruciating sensuousness for him.  Because he's dying with
anticipation for more his mind a step ahead of what I'm doing.  Is it
torture?  Who's to say?"

   In reading the narrative of this young woman, the most striking feature.
is not the acts she is describing, but the language in which she describes
them.  Her appearance is quite sweet, almost virginal.  The archetypal
young Mexican-American girl complete with soft brown eyes and a shy smile.
The complete antithesis of .the foul-mouthed cynic she shows us.

   Considering the situation, though, it is quite possible that her choice
of words, the bluntness of her description, her use of the "gutter"
Anglo-Saxon terminology, has a deep psychological reason.  As C.  G.  Jung
pointed out in his Basic Writings:

   Common speech, as we know, is full of erotic metaphors which are applied
to matters that have nothing to do with sex; and conversely, sexual
symbolism by no means implies that the interests making use of it are by
nature erotic.  Sex, as one of the most important instincts, is the prime
cause of numerous affects that exert an abiding influence on our speech. 
But affects cannot be identified with sexuality inasmuch as they may easily
spring from conflict situations.

   Upon close study of the narrative we find that there are several quite
unusual factors.  To start with, the subject makes very little attempt to
justify her acts.  She states that she performs oral sex on her patients
simply because she enjoys it.  The only slight traces of justification
shown are her statements that the hospital staff is generally aware that
the nurses are performing oral sex on the patients.

   Another unusual factor is her constant fantasizing during the
performance of the oral sex act.  This indicates that, while she repeatedly
and emphatically states that she performs the act simply because she enjoys
it, she actually has some very deep-seated emotional conflicts which she
brings to the surface during the sexual episodes.  Inside, she is actually
wishing that she were someplace else, doing something different, with
someone else.  Add to this her statements that she usually receives sexual
gratification and release only from masturbation and a new pattern begins
to form.

   Her initial statements make her appear to be exclusively heterosexual,
but consider the remarks of Dr.  G.  Wilson Shaffer in the Textbook of
Abnormal Psychology:

   The delay or non-satisfaction of a desire may result in organic changes
so that the desire may be manifested in a totally different way or it may
abolish the desire.

   As she continues her narrative she begins to mention another woman, the
mentions becoming more and more frequent, and finally admits to a lesbian
experience.  It now becomes obvious that she received enjoyment from this
lesbian experience, an enjoyment that has led to tremendous guilt feelings
and frustrations, eliminating her ability to receive sexual satisfaction
from a man.

   This is not to say that she is a lesbian.  Quite the contrary, there are
strong indications that she does not have any tendencies in this direction.
She has simply fallen into a trap such as was clearly described by W.  A.
Glassner in the American Psychiatric Journal:

   It is unfortunate that many women enter into a lesbian relationship,
thinking that they are lesbians, when actually' they were only caught in a
homosexual situation at a time when they were emotionally vulnerable.  The
common situation is one where the woman is having difficulty in sexual
relations for either physical or emotional reasons, usually quite
temporary. During this period she becomes involved in a lesbian episode,
and receives enjoyment from it.  Afterwards she is assailed by guilt, and
later, to resolve these guilt feelings; she admits to herself, quite
erroneously, that she is a lesbian.  Quite often the woman will go along
for several years, unhappily saddled with a heterosexual relationship which
she cannot enjoy because she believes herself to be a lesbian.

   As her narrative continues, one fact which emerges quite strongly,
although it is never stated outright and there is strong indication that
the subject is not even fully aware of it, is that she is really quite
unhappy, without having the slightest idea why.  Her fantasies are used as
a mental trick to hide this fact from her own conscious mind, and her
language and apparent honesty are used to conceal this fact from others. 
As Ray B.  Radney states in Behavioral Patterns:

   Nowhere outside the field of sexual behavior is the tendency to conceal
unpleasant facts, both from self and from others, so prevalent.  The
ability of the mind to refuse to consciously accept facts, while at the
same time consciously hiding those same facts from the scrutiny of others,
is a never ending source of wonder to me.

   "Up and down, again and again, speeding up by such fine degrees that he
doesn't notice.  The minuteness of it all, the utter precision, all this
I've learned and.  practiced to perfection.  God, if the hospital
administration only knew that cocksucking is as delicate as surgery, with
rules all its own that must be obeyed.  Surgery?  Oh, I know that my sound
strange.  Before you try to make something out of It, let me remind you
that I wanted to be a doctor before I entered the sacred prostitution ...
sacred profession, I mean, of nursing.

   "All glory to the phallus, giver of the seed of life, magnificent in
shape and proportion, issuing forth to all those who worship at its shrine
the holy juices of ultimate redemption.  Faster now, along the tall and
narrow human shrine where I worship, faster and faster, up and down, take
in more and more.  I'm lost now in the sheer joy of doing it, aware only of
one other thing, the burning between my legs, the desire for complete union
with him.

   "He's trying to move now, and I steady him, for he mustn't move.  It's
for me to do it all.  He's too close so I slow down just a little, enough
to swirl my tongue around, knowing that the rough surface will both
distract and excite him.  His cock is as wet as though he'd already come,
even the downy hair surrounding it is moist.  Strange, how this generates
the flow of saliva; they don't tell you about that in biology class.  It's
food, all right, but, my God, it's so much more than food ...  '

   "'Give it to me, honey, give it to me,' he pleads.

   "So now I really suck, the same up-and-down motion as before, the same
rhythm, only now with a pull from inside my mouth that creates more
pressure against the tenderness of his prick.  And I'm loving every blessed
second of it now, my head bouncing wildly as I pull and sink down on him
with every increasing speed and tension.  My head is dizzy from the fast
rhythm.  I'm in sheer ecstasy for I know that the greatest moment of all is
close at hand.  My God sometimes I think I'm going to come too. 
Simultaneous orgasm without a thing touching my pussy.  That's how far out
I can get.

   "I use my hands to steady him so there's no chance of injuring himself
in the violent climax I'm sure he's about to have.  He's on the very verge
of it, I'm sure of that, just as I'm sure he's hoping to postpone it as
long as he can, languishing in these final moments, so far removed from the
everyday world, so beautiful.

   "I keep my rhythm steady.  When it happens, it will happen.  I could
make it happen, of course, but I want this to be like a bolt of-lightning
striking from the sky, something that neither of us willed, something that
occurred without human intervention.

   "And oh my God, it is happening.  Now, now, now!  The juices shoot
through the tube as though at the pun of a trigger and the magnificent
organ in my mouth convulses incontrollably.  I hold the rest of him still
while his cock gyrates widly, the semen spurting into my anxious mouth and
filling it, dripping out of my lips and down his cock again.  He's been
saving a lot for me.  I drink it in at last, partaking with reverence ...

   "I wanted to hold his beautiful organ in my hands and admire it, but he
beckoned me to come to the head of the bed.

   "'I smell wet pussy,' he whispered as I got close to him.

   "He was right.  I could even detect the musky odor of cunt juice from
under my starched uniform myself.

   "'Would you let me?' he asked.

   "'I ...  I ...  ' My God, I almost said I've never let that happen,
which was true.  I'd always given, never received, as far as the patients
are concerned.

   "'I have to get back to work,' I said at last.

   "'Please let me.'

   "I was confused about what to do.  The truth is I don't often make it
with guys, especially this way for some reason.  Maybe I know the reason.
What I do is masturbate .and fantasize.  What if I didn't make it?  That
would make him feel terrible, I knew.

   "'Please,' he said.

   "I worried vaguely, too, about the chances of getting caught.  Now
getting caught going down on a guy would be easy enough to cover up by a
quick grab of the sheet.  But straddling a patient's face is a little hard
to make excuses for.

   "But damn it, my pussy was hot, and in the back of my mind was the hope,
as there always is, that maybe this time ...

   "We were kissing again: my sperm-soaked mouth against his lips, then
both our mouths opening, the surfaces of our tongues gliding together, then
his tongue darting about madly as though to show me what it could do to my
pussy.  I couldn't resist.

   "It's what he wants, I kept telling myself, as I rolled down my panty
hose, the most antisexual contraption ever invented.  God, it's worse than
slipping in a diaphragm.  He needs this too, Maria.  You aren't being
selfish.  It's all right.  I left my uniform and my cap on, partly for
safety's safe, in case I'd have to make a quick leap from the bed, and
partly because I know the virgin white of a nurse's uniform is one terrific
turn-on.  Or so I've been told.

   "So I mounted the pillow, my sopping cunt spread above his face, still
harboring slight fears of various kinds.  This was now.  But damn, if he
couldn't do it, I could pitch in and help with my own hands.  Guys did that
for me, plenty of times, before I really learned how to suck their cocks.

   "His fingertips gently traversed the moist surface, examining every tiny
crevice and bump, as though he didn't know what pussies were like.  I was
sure hoping he knew, though.  He stroked gently, though, like a man who's
had plenty of experience.  My tender flesh tingled at every touch.  Yes, he
knew how to make me want more.  He could read my mind, as I had read.  his,
and knew that the ultimate arousal lies in the anticipation of going a step
further, imagining that step, craving it ...  a low scream rising within;
yes, he knew.

   "He had not yet touched my clitoris, He circled it, rubbed the lips
around it, approached it only to turn back, as though it were something too
sacred to be touched casually with fingers and harsh fingernails.  And all
I could thin of was how his tongue, with its rough and slick surfaces would
feel licking and lapping at it ...

   "He made me wait a few moments longer before gesturing for me to lower
myself, which I did gladly it in any direction, point it, make a tunnel out
of the middle of it.  God, what a tongue.  Again, though, he avoided my
clitoris with what seemed deliberate intention.

   "What if he doesn't know?  Oh my God, what if he thinks it's all in the
vagina, that horrible myth that frustrated at least one generation of women
after being told all their troubles were sexual anyway!  Probably some guys
think girls are just cunts, holes, receptacles, with nothing external that
really counts.  I'd soon know where he stood and I was going to be terribly
disappointed if he happened to be one of the unenlightened ones.

   "But he knew, of course, he knew; how silly of me to have thought
otherwise.  His tongue was now getting closer and closer-no, not yet
touching, but approaching, teasing.  And.  as I waited, utterly distraught
by the suspense, I knew my clitoris was bulging outward more and more, the
blood rushing to it, making it hard and erect even though he still hadn't
touched it at all.  What fantastic agony!  What expertise he had!  So few,
so very few men really know how to lift a girl to such giddy heights of
sensation.

   "'More!  More!' I yelled at last, unable to contain myself.

   "Now he brought his teeth against me, against the lips, the edges.  His
tongue was pointed directly at my clit, I was sure, and I wished I could
make this small but magnificently sensitive organ of mine larger, wished I
could make it reach out to that tongue, for that was what I wanted now,
more than anything else in the whole world.  Either the scraping of the top
of his tongue or the wet softness underneath would do.  Anything! 
Anything! Please, can't you tell how I'm dying for it, perishing from your
exquisite torture?  Please give me more, give me what I want, hurt me if
you must, but do something, here where I need it so badly ...

   "No, I said none of this out loud, somehow feeling that I should hide
the extreme desperation of my desires.  I wondered how much he understood
of what I really felt, really craved.  He seemed so certain of his
technique.  So are other men ...  but this one really had a right to be
confident.  He knew how to drive a girl wild.

   "His teeth gnawed at me hungrily.  He loves this, I know-loves this the
way I love to suck cock.  For its own sake and nothing else.

   "His tongue, on my God, how close it gets, then stops just short of the
goal.  Closer and closer.  Now?  Almost, yes, but he whips it away again.
On, the bastard, the beautiful bastard!

   "'Ohhhhh,' I scream, totally forgetting where I am and who I am, for he
has just grazed the tender underside of it, yes, right where I want it ...
and I want more.  More!

   "And now his tongue darts alternately from my clit to my hole, not
lingering at either spot, making me hotter and hotter in both places.  And
it's good.  Each spot is so sensitized now that I hardly know which.  I
prefer.  Fast and furious he works, this marvelous lover.

   "Back and forth from my hole to my clit, clit to hole, again and again,
with swiftness and concentration such as I thought no man was capable of.

   "Why do I say that: as I thought no man? ...  Because I've had really so
little success with men, sexually, I mean.  Only a few do it right,
somehow.

   "And I'll confess-I have to, don't I?-what I thought of as my Number
Fourteen, my hospital lover, was giving me these delightful ministrations.
Yes, I stopped thinking of him.  I remembered Claudine and the time we went
to Big Sur and camped on the beach ...

   "Now, I'm not a lesbian.  I've never had an experience of that sort
before or since, but I've had a hard time forgetting it ...

   "We were friends, nothing more, and I never expected anything out of the
ordinary to happen.  But we were so alike, both brunette, slender,
Latin-featured, slim-legged, firm-breasted.  Looking at her was like
looking in a mirror somehow.

   "Yes as his tongue lapped at me furiously I remembered waking up to the
sound of the rushing waves to feel Claudine's soft fingertips prying apart
my thighs.  It was like a dream, and anything can happen in dreams, so I
didn't protest.  In fact I had no idea that it was real.  I lay there as
her fingers progressed from my thighs to the tender flesh between, which
was wet, terribly wet.

   "'And I remember her whispering,

   "We both want this,' clasping me in her arms as she did so.

   "And I think I said, 'Yes.'

   "'Yes' that's what I was saying now to my hospital love, my Number
Fourteen, and somehow it was as though I was saying it again to Claudine.

   "His tongue, all curled and pointed, penetrated my gaping hole, prodding
as deeply as it could, scraping the sides, making me think of cock, how
great It would be to have a cock inside me, his cock, anybody's cock ...

   "But as he drew his tongue out, my memories of Claudine returned, for
now he was very gently sucking at me, sort of drawing my clit into him.  I
remembered how I had felt when Claudine did that, so expertly, so much
better than any man had ever done ...

   "How beautiful it was as we lay there, our supple bodies entwined, as
she did everything I'd always wanted, knowing what to do, for she too was a
woman, a creature so like me, my mirror-image.  And strangely, as she lay
on top of me, grinding her mound against mine in a desperate attempt to get
closer, closer than was possible, I wished that she had a penis for somehow
it was not quite enough ...

   "Then, the darting and the lapping of her tongue, into me as far as' it
would go ...  and I pretended it was a penis.  How strange, how incredible
it all was!  And how feverishly passionate I became, squirming against her
and thrusting my clitoris against her, wishing it were larger, wishing
there was some way we could really fit, just as I was squirming against
this anonymous creature under me now, wanting more and more.

   "Claudine knew how to make up for, my impossible longings, for the
feverish lashing of her tongue drove me to heights of pleasure hitherto
unknown.  Tinglings of sensation that traveled up my spine and even made
the back of my head feel strange.  Fire and ice, that's what it was like,
the extremes of sensations, the opposites that converge-in the wildest
possible of ecstasies ...

   "Oh, Claudine ...  why must I think of Claudine?  Why can't I focus on
this nice young male creature beneath me, whose tongue is so very like
hers? Why?  But I must.  Even as he sucks so gently, bites without giving
pain, produces every perfect sensation, I remember the rushing of the
waves, the dim quarter moon, the uniting of two soft bodies, so much alike.

   "Faster and faster, ever more deliciously, traversing only the underside
of my clit before sinking into my hole.  What a tongue!  What tingling!  My
whole body trembling now, I squirm.  I thrust, even.  I don't care what I
do, I'm going to get mine.  I close my eyes, and it's Claudine's face I see
as my body becomes lost in sheer rapture.

   "Now, yes, a slight pounding, rising from somewhere deep inside me.  The
beat of an ancient drum, the beat of a heart, the rhythm of the universe,
and somehow it's Claudine's tongue that is evoking this, bringing me to
this point of no return.  My pussy swells and expands, and for one brief
moment it's like hearing a high-pitched sound, a primal cry, yes,
accompanied by a flash of light and the blessing of the gods.  For I have
passed the gateway to paradise now.  I hover on the very brink of the sheer
precipice ...

   "And I plunge downward once more, only down, down, down, my pussy
breaking into a flurry of shudders, pounding, pulsating, throbbing ... 
like the waves that crash.  Claudine!

   "And suddenly I'm sobbing.  Not because it isn't Claudine-I knew that
all along-but because I've deceived this young man, this perfect young man.
Deceived him because he alone couldn't do what it took, only my fantasy, my
recurrent fantasy could get me there.

   "'Hey, remember I'm a sick man/ he was saying.

   "'Did I hurt you l' I said, catching my breath.

   "'No, but you surprised me.  a little.  That was strong ...  With most
girls it's never that strong, no matter how hard you try.  It was great!'

   "'Yeah, it was,' I said quietly, smiling down at his youthful, handsome
face.

   "'And I loved it.  I loved it every bit as much as you did.  Don't
forget that.'

   "I had to hurry back to the main station and get on with my chores.  But
that wasn't the only time this kind of thing happened.  Yes, I usually made
excuses, tried to avoid it, then succumbed to his expert treatment which
brought me to pinnacles of passion no less intense than that first time. 
One of these days he'll be discharged, and I'll be sorry to see him go. 
Because he got me over the fear that I might really be a lesbian.  He
really did, by eventually making me respond to him.  Of course, I kept
sucking his cock, just as fervently as ever ...

   "As for Number Eight, it was a big day for me when I heard his bandages
were to be taken off.  I could hardly wait to see if his face was
everything it should be to go with that marvelously structured body of his.
And I'd been sucking him off practically every day" never knowing what he
looked like.

   I wasn't on hand for the removal of the bandages: though both a surgical
nurse and a doctor were.  I tried to suppress my interest when they
returned from the room to note the progress on his chart.

   Of course, I was prepared for the worst.  Possibility of plastic
surgery, loss of sight ...  either of these were things that could happen.
His speech should be normal, though, for there'd been no severe throat
injury, only a broken jaw.

   "I waited for the earliest possible opportunity to go see him, not
wanting to hear the news from someone else.  At last I crept to his room.

   "I wasn't disappointed, for there on the pillow was the swarthy face I'd
expected, full-cheeked with excellent bone structure.  His eyebrows, which
had been shaved, were growing in thick and heavy, dark, of course, like the
rest of his hair.  And I knew from his eyes that he could see.  There was
an instant response though, of course, he didn't know that I was the nurse,
the one who'd been sucking him off.

   "I let him know by means of the signal he'd given me, three taps on the
table.  And he smiled weakly.  His face probably still hurt, I realized,
but he seemed pleased at seeing me.

   "I went to the door, put out the sign and pushed in the lock.  Then I
approached the lower edge of the bed.  Without even peaking under the
covers I could tell that Old Faithful was rising.  Then I lifted the
sheet.'

   "There it was, the object of my cock worship, tall, thick and hard. 
Slowly I approached it with my hungry lips.  I looked at his face now to
see how he was responding to my uninvited overture.

   "Much to my surprise, he was shaking his head.  I was crushed, really
crushed.

   "'It's not that I don't like you,' he said in a voice that was scarcely
more than a whisper.  'It's that I love you.'

   "I was stricken.  Flattered, of course, but disturbed.  What was I going
to do now.  I didn't dare let him get hung up, serious.

   "Yes, he tried to talk me into marrying him, telling me about the
property he'd inherited in Alabama and how we could raise peaches and
children and all that.  Oh, God, he thought I was just another cunt.  Just
another husband-hungry cunt.  He was soon transferred to another ward, and
though I promised to come see him, I didn't.  I hoped that there he'd meet
some nurse who was ready and willing to accept what he had to offer ...

   "Because I was a long way from being ready for marriage 'of any kind,
wasn't I?  Of course the Alabama bit would have been all wrong, but so
would any kind of permanent romantic commitment just then ...

   "Yes, the day I started sobbing hysterically for no reason at all in the
nurses' lounge, one of the other nurses, one of the other cock sucking
nurses came up and said to me, 'Gets to you after a while, doesn't it?'

   "That's all she said, but I knew what she meant I wasn't sure what was
wrong, but I knew very well something was."

   As the subject's narrative ends, it is encouraging to note that she has
finally realized that she does have some serious emotional problems,
although she as not yet fully accepted them and their consequences.  The
indications are that she will be able to resolve her problems, though, and
along with them the mental turmoil that is affecting so much of her life.
She was able to achieve, for the first time in quite awhile, a heterosexual
relationship to the point of sexual gratification without having to resort
to the subterfuge of fantasy to replace the object which gave her the
gratification she sought.

   Chapter 5 Carey

   "Talk about Sophie Portnoy!  Man, I have a mother you wouldn't believe.
Every chick I met, every chick I look at, every chick I dream about is a
threat to dear ol' Mom.  Don't get me wrong: I love her.  But I wish to
hell she hadn't hung on so long.  I'm rid of her now-I'm moving out on my
own next week-but it's been one hell of a trip, believe me.

   "'So who's this girl you're bringing home l' she asked way back before
my first date in high school.  Already then she was afraid I'd get a chick
pregnant and I'd shame her and her ancestors forever.  She should only
know-she should only know!-that I don't even like fucking girls!  Oral sex
is my bag and mother is responsible for that too.

   "Let me go back to the beginning.  One day, when I was about twelve and
just starting to realize my cock was growing and there was such a thing
called sex I came home from school early with a sore throat.  Dad ran a
string of furniture showrooms and warehouses, and you never knew when he
was going to be home.  Already then he was losing his looks-'he worked
himself to the bone-and mother never really had any.  She's always been
overweight, not what you'd call pretty, but not homely either, with her
hair propped up with the help of ten cans of spray.  I had never even
pictured the two of them kissing, much less making love.  I entered the
house quietly and heard noises coming from the living room.  I crept up
behind the big planter and looked down into the sunken-Beverly Hills, mind
you, posh sunken living room-area and immediately froze.

   "Mother was on the top-riding him, in a stooping position.  Dad's long
slender cock stood straight up from his balls and she bounced on it and I
was amazed to see it disappear up her, and then slide out again and again.
The rolls of fat on her stomach jiggled and her massive breasts heaved with
each movement.  Dad wasn't saying a word, just moaning a sick sound.  Mom
was shouting all kinds of shit, like.  'FUCK THE JUICE OUT OF ME!' and
'HAROLD, HAROLD, YOU HAVE SUCH A BIG PRICK!' (which he didn't, actually),
and I was so sick I wanted to puke.

   "I watched for about five minutes until I could take no more.  It was
the most obscene sight, the most horrifying thing I had ever seen in my
entire lifetime.  I ran out into the yard and became sick and vomited right
next to dad's Cadillac.  All sorts of things raced through my mind-was that
how I was conceived?  Was that what intercourse was all about?  It was ugly
and awful-dad's helpless cock being used by her big hairy cunt-and I wanted
to erase it from my mind, to blot it out.

   "Just a week before, Mother had sent me to my room without supper for
saying 'fuck' for the first time.  And look what they were doing on that
floor?  I should have sent them to the gas chamber for that.  Jesus,
something like that can fuck up a little kid's head!

   "And it did, it did.  Till this very day, although it's not a great
problem now.  I'm twenty-two and I've never fucked a chick in my life. 
I've never even tried; I have no desire ever to do so.  The idea repulses
me, it sickens me, and I lose an erection if the thought crosses my mind or
if a girl mentions it.  Many times I've fucked up the evening because I
wouldn't fuck.  It's very simple ...  and yet so complicated, somehow.

   "You see, after that day when I saw my parents going at it on the living
room floor, I had a perverse desire to watch it again-maybe I wanted to
hate them and this was giving me a reason, I don't know-and I did.  I snuck
around and pretended to be asleep nights, peeked in their window, told
lies, hid, crept, anything to watch them fuck.  And that's all they did, no
foreplay-oh, Dad stuck his fingers up her twat a few times and sucked her
big nipples, but nothing more than that-just straight fucking, in various
positions.  More often than not, Dad was on the bottom and I hated my
Mother for that because I felt she was ruling him, when he should have been
the strong one on top!

   "Anyhow, I watched each time-and began to realize that, after I had
witnessed the scene, I would be sexually excited!  I would go to my room or
to the bathroom, lock the door, and masturbate.  No, none of the Portnoy
stuff with the liver or my sister's underpants.  I had three favorite
pictures-bought them from a kid at school for ten bucks-and I looked at
them each time I beat off.  One was of a beautiful blond girl sucking on a
big Negro dick!  All it showed was this guy's big fat cock and his hands on
his hips, and a beautiful movie star type sucking on it.  I don't know why,
but it really turned me on.

   "The second picture was one of a man and woman, both very good-looking,
in a sixty-nine position.  And the third was of two couples-a girl was
sucking on a guy's cock, while the other girl was sucking his asshole-and
beneath the girl working on the asshole was the other guy, his face stuffed
into her pussy.  They were exciting-oral, different sex than the stuff I
always saw with my parents-and for me those pictures, those acts, were
normal and beautiful.  Fucking was dirty, ugly.  Oral sex was clean and
right.  And I still feel that way.

   "I had a rough time for a few years.  All the guys I knew inevitably
told me two things: how great it was to fuck a girl and what a big cock I
had.  The first I wasn't so sure about, the second I was positive.  I had a
huge cock then, and I have one now.  I don't know why, I guess it just grew
that way-God knows, Dad's isn't that big.  I love my cock and I'm proud of
it and I love having it sucked.  But putting it in a cunt, hell no.

   "It finally got to a point in high school where I had to pretend I had a
girl friend-I did, but she was an uptight Catholic virgin, and wow, you
should have heard my Mother about that one!  I was only fifteen and she was
worried I was balling this Catholic chick and we were going to make a baby
and have to raise it Catholic!  I did pretend I was fucking her, especially
to the boys in the locker room at school.  They were very proud of me, and
always envious of my dick.

   "Finally, one day, the pleasure of the pictures began to wear off and I
was wanting the real thing.  Where do I find a girl who'll suck me off, but
not make me fuck her?  Hollywood?  Maybe the Ranch Market?  There were
always some sleazy types around there.  The beach?  I didn't know what the
hell to do.  And then, like a great matzo from the sky, she descended upon
me ...

   "Her name was Madeline, and she was a cousin to a cousin to a cousin-you
know that crap-of the woman next door, a woman who was a lot like Mother.
So I was out by the pool one sunny afternoon and I saw this nice looking
girl looking at me through the palm leaves.  She smiled, and I smiled back
and moved my knees up-afraid to show her the fact that I had an erection. I
was lying there on the chaise lounge thinking of getting sucked off under
water-I had some wild fantasies!

   "'Hi, you must be Carey!' she called

   "'Yeah, who are you?' I asked ...

   "'Madeline.'

   "I won't bore you with the conversation that took place immediately
after that, and how I got her to come over and have some lemonade with me
and how we started talking about sex and-this sounds like The Graduate,
doesn't it?  Anyhow, we decided to swim because I was so sexually excited I
knew I needed the water to cool me before I ripped open my trunks.  And I
think she was getting all warm between the legs already then too.

   "In the water, I asked her where she worked, since she said she worked
in an office-she was just out of high school.  Her reply, well, I wasn't
ready for it.  'I work at J&M Blowers!' she called from the other end of
the pool.  Then she laughed.

   "I laughed too and my cock charged up.  J&M Blowers!  I wondered if she
were making it up.  I didn't care, she had said it and the ice was broken.
That damn pool was steaming now and I swam to her and stood there, in the
shallow end, water to our waists, next to her.

   "'That's a funny name,' I said with a grin.

   "'Depends on how you look at it,' she added, and swam off again.

   "I watched her as she dove under the water near the diving board ... 
and came up without her bikini top !Her breasts floated in the blue water,
and I saw the darkness of her nipples bobbing at the surface.  Then she
pulled the bottom off, too, under the water and tossed it up onto the
cement.  She swam, moving and twisting and splashing-I caught glimpses of
her cunt, the dark hairs there, her smooth ass.  I was ready to come!  A
naked girl was right there, swimming in my pool!  After all the figuring I
had done on where to get a girl, after deciding I was going to go out and
pay a whore, after shaking with fear and trembling with apprehensiveness,
it was all happening too fast and easy for comfort.

   "I took off my trunks and swam past her, and then sat on the edge of the
pool with my feet in the water.  I spread my legs and let my balls drop
down to the hot cement.  My cock was like a rock and stood straight up
against my belly.  She stared with her mouth open-it was a lot bigger than
she had ever expected.

   "And then all hell broke loose.  She almost cracked her head into the
side of the pool, she swam so fast up to the spot between my legs!  Her
lips were fitted over my balls in a second, and I looked down to the
sparkling water and honestly couldn't believe it.  I grabbed my cock and
started beating it, like usual, but had to stop-I was ready to shoot!  I
had to hold myself back.

   "She sucked more on my balls, and then finally grabbed my cock with her
hands and fitted her lips over it.  She kicked her feet in the water and
plunged her face down as far as she could go on the shaft.  Then her tongue
swept over the tip, and she moved her face back and forth ...  and I
shivered and flooded her mouth with the biggest load of sperm I've ever
shot!  She choked on it and it poured out of her mouth and dripped over my
balls.  She loved it, and licked and licked, till she got every drop into
her lips.

   "We traded places.  I spread her legs with my hands and watched as her
fingers eased the lips of her pussy apart and exposed the moist pink
softness of the inner lips to me.  I kissed them, then licked them with my
tongue, and finally pushed my face against her entire crotch, tasting the
juice and the chlorine mixed together, loving it.  My cock was hard again
and I put my hand on it under the water as I learned how to suck a pussy.

   "I found her clit, without knowing that was what I found, and she went
into absolute contortions.  She fell back against the cement and spread her
legs even further.  Then she shouted for me never to stop, and my mouth
seemed at once wetter and sweeter.  She came easily, again without me
really understanding what was happening.

   "We rested and floated around the pool a bit, but we were both still
very excited.  Suddenly, Madeline told me she had to pee.  I looked at her
quite funny, I guess, because she knew where the bathroom was it was marked
clearly, next to the ladies' dressing room-and I felt a bit embarrassed.

   "'It's right over there,' I said, pointing.  She just stared at me.

   "'You can use the one in the house if you like,' I added, wondering why
she was looking at me so funny.

   "'I should pee in your pool,' she said in a happy tone of voice.

   "I was sure she was kidding, so I came out with this line.  I had heard
or read somewhere: 'Please don't pee in our pool, we don't swim in your
toilet.'

   "She didn't react.  Instead, she climbed out of the pool, bare naked in
the afternoon sunlight, and walked to the end of the diving board.  I was
almost directly under it, wondering what the hell she was going to do.

   "She knelt down, stooping, spreading her legs.  For a moment I thought
she was going to spring up with all her might and dive!  But she leaned
back and brace?  herself with her hand on the board, thrusting her hips
into the air a bit.  Then she flexed her muscles and-I couldn't believe
it-her pussy lips parted slightly to release a long golden stream of urine.
It arched over the edge of the board and hit the blue pool like a
waterfall. I was only inches from where it hit and I was in shock, amazed,
utterly astounded and excited.  I want to touch it-maybe even taste it-but
I didn't dare, I couldn't move.  I was frozen-like a shocked virgin!

   "When she finished she stood up and said 'There I peed in your pool.'

   "I looked up at her.  'Remind me to swim in your toilet.'

   "We both laughed.  'Hey, Carey, do me a favor.'

   "'What?'

   "'Trade places with me and do it, standing up.'

   "I didn't knew what she meant, so I thought she wanted me to do what she
had done, to pee from the diving board.  'Madeline, I don't have to take a
piss-my cock's hard.  I don't think I could.'

   "'No, I want you to come, to shoot out into the water, onto me.'

   "I made for the board so fast, you wouldn't have believed it.  She dove
into the water and floated on her back as she looked up and watched me
pumping my huge cock over her.  I held my balls in one hand and my cock in
the other and the situation excited me even more than her sucking had.  I
wanted to see my come fly out of my cock and splash into the water!

   "'Let it gush out, Carey!  Come on, honey, make that fat prick explode!'
She splashed around, with one hand stuffed up her pussy.

   "I spread my legs as much as I could without falling into the water.  I
knew I was close, and I started to tremble-the board bounced a little-and
called out her name, letting her know I was about to do it ...

   "Then it hit.  I pumped my cock hard as the come shot out of me in giant
spurts and landed in the water and all over her body.  It must have been
some sight from below-just as seeing her peeing from above had been for
me-and I knew she loved it.  She screamed in delight, and as soon as I had
come my last drops, I jumped into the water, still clasping my balls and
penis, and found her and hugged her.  Man, it was almost out of Esther
Williams.  I was in love!

   "Madeline and I saw a lot of each other, without our parents knowing
most of the times.  It was so convenient, so easy-leap the fence and we
were together..  And my Mom was gone most of the day-beauty parlor,
Mah-Jongg, window shopping-and Madeline's cousin of a cousin, etc., or
whoever it was she and her parents lived with, were always out also.  So it
was easy.

   "We experimented' in all kinds of oral sex.  I'll never forget the first
time she put her lips on my asshole.  I was flat on the chaise in the sun,
and she just spread my cheeks with her hands and put her tongue between
them.  She kissed me there and drove her tongue inside the clenched little
hole.  Finally, I bent over, and she was actually able to stick her tongue
up me.  I was in heaven, and came with only two strokes of my hand.

   "Then I learned to finger-fuck her asshole while I was sucking on her
pussy, or just the opposite.  Sometimes I'd stick my finger up her ass and
lick her as I did it, which applied saliva and made it work easier.  We
tried just about everything and anything-I peed from the edge of the pool
and she took most of it in her mouth, she peed into my mouth and let it
dribble all over my face, I let her suck me under water, and we did it
there in a sixty-nine position till we had to come up for air.  We floated
on an air mattress, kissing and masturbating each other, and then finally
into a sixty-nine as we came at the same moment.  This went on all summer,
just about every day.  I was never in better spirits.

   "Then one day, Mother was talking to the people next door and they said,
'Isn't it nice that Madeline and Carey are getting along so well?' Sure it
was!  So from that moment on, Mother guarded us.  She arranged for the maid
to come in in the afternoons instead of the mornings.  She spent more time
at home.  She found errands for me, things for me to do.  She made life
miserable.

   "I found myself sneaking out at night 'for an ice cream cone,' or 'I'm
going for a drive, just want to be alone,' and almost always they would
find out it was a lie.  I'd meet Madeline-who had to go through the same
shit in her house-and we'd do it in the bushes at the far end of her house
if we were in a hurry, or we'd do it in my car on a deserted street if we
had time.

   "I remember those days-man, how exciting!  We'd drive along Beverly
Drive till we'd find a dark spot and we'd pull into a driveway-always made
sure we picked a house with the lights off-and' park there.  That way the
police-and in Beverly Hills they're incredible, .they patrol every damn ten
minutes!-wouldn't question the car parked on the street so late.

   "Madeline would lift her skirt and I'd sink my head into her lap.  My
tongue was expert now, pushing her hairycunt lips apart, sliding way up her
vagina.  She ran her fingers through my hair and undulated her hips, moving
them back and forth as I tongue-fucked her silly!

   "Then I'd pun my cock out-I never wore underpants when we went out-and
put my legs over hers.  She'd bend down and take the head in her lips-she
always started like that, slowly, working steadily toward a smash finish!
She would hold the glans in 'her lips, driving me crazy with her tongue,
opening the slit, rubbing around the hard ridge.  Then her lips would
descend the length, slowly, carefully, making It wet and tingling with
excitement.

   "Finally she'd just suck, giving me the best blow jobs in the world. 
She banged her head up and down on my dick as I moaned and sighed and
begged her to keep sucking.  She never let me down.  I always ended with a
tremendous orgasm which filled her mouth to the hilt.

   "Once-I just remembered this-I had a good hard on and I had to piss but
I was too excited from all the sucking we had been doing, that I was, at
the same time, on the brink of orgasm.  All of a sudden, as I was trying to
make some urine fan from cock since she was begging me for it, I came
sensation was strange because it happened together-urine was coming out of
my cock, and so was come.  I was feeling myself pissing and coming at the
same moment, and the semen mixed with the piss to become very watery. 
Madeline went nutty, lapped it all up and told me I was some kind of
genius.

   "But Mother hated her, and at the end of the summer when Madeline went
off to school, Mother was happy again.  She was worried, but more than that
she was jealous.  I had a beautiful body, and girls wanted it and she was
jealous of that.  I guess she wanted to be the only woman in my life-maybe
even in my bed, although I don't think this was ever a conscious thought on
her part.

   "One day I happened to be swimming nude because I was hoping-Madeline
was going to come over and I liked the feeling of the hot sun on my nuts
and my ass and' I was used to it already.  I was splashing around in the
water when I happened to look up at the sliding glass patio door.  Mother
was standing in the family room, staring at me.  I wondered how long she
had been there.  I waved, trying to act very natural about it-after all she
was my mother!  She had seen my cock more than anyone in the world!  But it
was different now, it was big, bigger than her husband's, perhaps bigger
than any man's that she had ever seen, and I think it startled her and gave
her a feeling of what she may have missed in life.

   "After that day I never again went naked in front of her, but often,
when I had my swimming trunks on or walked through the house in my
undershorts, she would take a good hard glance at my full crotch.

   "I told you my Mother was fucked up!  She was possessive and jealous,
clawing at me, wanting to hold onto me and be my mother and lover at the
same time.  I needed' a girl friend, and I was determined to find one. 
Instead, it almost was the end of me!"

   Carey comes from a middle-class Jewish family.  He is an only child, and
like so many other only children, he is dominated and.  smothered by his
mother's love.

   It has been said that such overprotection and excess of maternal fear
over the child's well-being is a uniquely Jewish characteristic.  However,
in reality, it is a universal trait of normal motherhood.  Originally,
there is a unity between mother and child.  It is a sort of carry-over from
the prenatal situation and represents one of the two greatest tasks for the
mother.  Roheim calls this early mother-child relationship the "dual-unity
situation." The second great task of motherhood is to dissolve the
dual-unity situation harmoniously-It is true that when the umbilical cord
is cut, there occurs a sort of reorganization of the bodily functions in
both mother and child.  Physically, the direct phase of the mutual
interdependence between mother and child is ended with the birth of the
child and the expulsion of the-placenta from the mother's body.  With the
advent of the resultant new dependency relationship, however, comes a very
strong maternal-filial tie between mother and child

   on the emotional level.  Helene Deutsch describes this as a "psychic
umbilical cord."

   In his New Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis, Freud also
recognizes this unique unity between mother and child.  He has this to say
about it:

   The only thing that brings a mother undiluted satisfaction is her
relation to a son; it is quite the most complete relationship between human
beings and the one that is the most free of ambivalence.

   However, prolonged continuation of this situation will lead to maternal
overprotection.  This overprotecttiveness is in the last analysis, a
defense mechanism on the part of the mother to avoid separation.  This
defense springs from a deep-rooted fear of loss.

   Carey's whole life pattern is witness to the strong overprotection
exerted by his mother.  Normally, the father adds an element into the
mother-child unity situation which discourages it from becoming overly
prolonged and excessive.  Unfortunately for Carey, his father is a very
weak man, and quite passive in his role as head of the household, at least
with respect to Carey.  He is almost the stereotype of the middle-class
American man which has contributed to-or is the result of-the development
of the United States as a matriarchy.

   Typically, we would expect Carey's bisexual nature to be accentuated. 
Freud, in his analysis of Leonardo da Vinci, points out:

   In all our male homosexual cases, the subjects had a very intense-erotic
attachment to a female person, as a rule their mother ...  this attachment
was evoked or encouraged by too much tenderness on the part of the mother
herself, and further reinforced by the small part played by the father
during their childhood.

   The individual becomes homosexual because a phylogenetic fear of incest
makes him identify with his mother in order to diminish her role as his
love-object.  Thus he would develop feminine characteristics in relation to
his sexual objects, seeking for a love relationship, someone like himself
(as his mother has) in whose likeness he chooses the new object of his
love.

   This would have definitely happened to Carey, had he ever reached the
genital level of development.  He has, however, an even stronger
identification with his mother than would the homosexual.  Carey is fixated
at the oral level of development.  He uses, as his method of defense
against his desire for his mother, introjection, and has incorporated his
mother's personality as his own.  It was as though Carey's father had no
effect upon Carey at all.  Before the incest inhibition even developed in
him, Carey had incorporated his mother's personality, as he did her milk.
The mother he sees, however, is one who denies him her breast and castrates
his father as well.  Thus Carey hates both his mother and father, and the
result is that he is incapable of having an affectionate relationship. 
Love does not mean anything to him.

   Carey observed his parents having intercourse.  This is an almost
universal occurrence-if a child doesn't actually see his parents engaged in
intercourse, he will fantasize the situation (which is termed the "primal
scene").  The primal scene evokes envy of the father for his role with the
mother, in the case of the male child, and sexual excitation as well. 
Carey became sexually excited at this viewing, but was also disgusted in
the extreme, interpreting the union as a sadistic encounter.  No doubt this
was because his mother was assaulting his father, again underscoring his
father's passivity.  This interpretation of sex by Carey is rather unique,
but emphasizes his understanding of the relationship between his mother and
father.

   Since Carey is incapable of real love-hating his mother and father as he
does-and considers the sexual act to be disgusting and sadistic, he
naturally has a negative opinion of people, All these characteristics
considered, we would expect Carey to be a paranoid individual.  And he
certainly is.

   When Carey's mother saw him swimming in the nude, she was sexually
excited, or so Carey said.  In reality, since Carey has already been
classified as a paranoid type, this sexual excitation was most probably his
own, "projected" onto his mother.

   Carey's sexual life has thus developed into an identification with his
aggressive-sadistic mother whom he imitates when he indulges in sex.  His
mother was in his eyes, a castrater, hence Carey, who is fixated at the
cannibalistic oral level of sexual development, seeks to "castrate" his
partners as well.  He chooses to engage in sex with women because, firstly,
it represents revenge against his mother, whom he can delude himself into
thinking he is castrating, and secondly, it provides an opportunity to
overcome his intense fear that his mother will castrate him.  In this way
he is maintaining a semblance of heterosexuality, fixated at the oral
level.

   In the development of Carey's character, we see a sadistic youth,
incapable of manifesting love.  Without a father to identify with in a
social sense, we can easily anticipate that Carey will become a social
pervert, unable to get along in the world ...

   "High school ended and it was time to think about going to college.  My
first impulse was to go to a school as far away as China, just to get away
from my Mother.  But as I thought about it, the prospect seemed more and
more ridiculous-I mean going to college, not China.  I had never been the
brightest kid in school, which means.  I had to work for my grades, and
when faced with never having to sit in a classroom again or to begin
another four-year stretch, it was an easy choice.

   "Although every single person I knew was going on to college, I didn't.
My parents were ashamed, or so they said.  Hell, it was exactly the
opposite-Dad had someone to get into the business with him, and Mother had
her darling little boy at her side.

   "I worked for Dad-the job was almost too easy-and spent a lot of time
doing photography, which has always been my hobby.  It was right after high
school graduation that I started taking girlie shots of the chicks I met.

   "I also work on the chicks, of course, and they work on me.  I have a
little studio set up in our garage, which is very private.  I like outdoor
shots, however, and when my parents are gone, I take photos out by the
pool. I have, a friend, Jerry, who has a big cock and a great bod, and
often we photograph each' other with various chicks we pick up on the
Strip.

   "We like to take good close-ups of sucking, where you can see the come
dripping down the girl's chin or the wetness all over the guy's face from
the cunt juice.  That really turns me on, and I know it turns on the people
I show the photos to.  I try specialty photos, like a whole reel of the
chick undressing, masturbating, and then bathing.  Or a reel of one of us
and a girl, doing nothing but sixty-nine.  Or, for instance, a 'Golden
Shower' reel where the guy and girl do nothing but urinate on each other in
various ways.

   "But in the middle of this, about two months ago, in walked this chick
named Rhoda.  She was standing on the corner of La Peer and Santa Monica,
hitching

   a ride.  I pulled over-transfixed by the sight of her great legs under
the hot pants.  She got in, looked into my eyes, and it was all over!' We
were gone on each other and we made a date for the next evening.

   "I was expecting to get a good few hours of sex in, but it didn't
happen. We were falling in love, I think, although we didn't know it. 
Suddenly, getting to know each other was the most important thing, and
although we were hot for each other, it would have to wait.  I went home
that first night and beat off four damn times, just thinking what it would
be like to eat her!

   "Finally, after we felt at ease with each other, I invited her to the
house, knowing my parents were going out.  I picked her up and we drove to
Taco Bell for something to eat, and then went up to the house.  Dad's car
was in the drive, and I shuddered.  'Damn!'

   "'What is it?' she asked.

   "'They're still home.'

   "'Oh, your mother ...  '

   "I had told her about Mother.  'Well, Rhoda, let's face the firing
squad. After all, they have to meet you sometime!

   "We got out of my car and entered the house.  My mother decided to
change wigs, thus the delay.  Dad was furious, and I don't know if he even
realized I had introduced him to Rhoda.  He grumbled and walked outside to
wait in the car.

   "Mother came down the steps and stopped halfway down; glaring at the
girl who was holding my hand.  'Carey, darling, who is this?' she asked,
sounding a little like Bette Davis.

   "'Rhoda, Mother,' I said, as she came down to our level.  She didn't
offer her hand, didn't even smile.  She just looked her over and said,
'Charmed.'

   "Then she left, pointing out that they' would be home early and
reminding me I had to be at work at six in the morning, for inventory or
some such silly thing.  Dad was blowing the car horn and it was just
killing her that she had to leave me alone in the house with Rhoda, whom
she thought to be a tramp from the first glance.  She thought all the girls
I knew were tramps-no one was good enough for her precious son.

   "Rhoda and I took a swim-she used one of the suits we kept handy for
guests-and thoughts of that first afternoon with Madeline came rushing into
my head.  I wanted to see Rhoda naked, wanted to touch her and kiss her and
run my tongue all over her body, but I still held back, waiting till she
let me know she wanted it.

   "After the swim, we walked around the house and yard, and I showed
everything to her.  Then we got to the darkroom, and she wanted to see it.
I told her it was locked and no one ever went in there.

   "'Why's it so secret?' she asked.  'It's only a hobby.'

   "'Well, you see, I do a lot of skin shots and I don't think you'd like
to see that.''

   "'You're kidding!'

   "'Not at all.'

   "She paused for a moment and then surprised me.  'I'd really love to see
it!  I've never known a skin photographer before in my life!'

   "She was really excited, almost proud of the fact.  As I opened the
lock, she told me her brother always kept girlie pictures and magazines
around the house and she'd find them in their hiding places and look at
them and get excited.  'Women get turned on too, you know, even by photos!

   "Burt Reynolds, in' Cosmopolitan, flashed through my mind ...

   "I opened the door and turned on the bright overhead light.  The room
carne into view-stacks of prints, developing chemicals, enlargers, all the
shit one needed to be a girlie photog, Rhoda looked around, grabbing
picture after picture, staring at them as if they were really blowing her
mind-and maybe they were.

   "She asked me about many things-who is this?  who is he?  what are they
doing?-and finally stopped dead when she pulled a picture from the bottom
of the stack near the fixer.  I didn't know what it was, and she wouldn't
show me.  Her face was red ...

   "Finally, I pulled the picture from her grasp, and turned red myself. 
It was a picture Jerry had taken of me, standing in the yard with my zipper
open, cock sticking out hands on hips, looking down at the chick who was
approaching me on all fours.  Man, it was a great photo-especially because
of my being completely dressed with just my dick sticking out and it had
been one of my favorites, but I'd had no idea of showing it to Rhoda!  I
didn't know what the hell to say.

   "'Wow, it's-big,' she said, putting the photo down on the counter.

   "'Yeah, well you see ...  I didn't ...  ' I didn't know what to say.

   "'Shhh,' she said, placing her hand on my lips, rubbing her fingers over
my mouth, 'I think it's time we let our feelings show.'

   "She stepped toward me and put her arms around my shoulders.  I held her
tight and we kissed passionately, wildly moving our tongues in and out of
each other's mouths.  My cock began to rise against her naked thighs, and
my swimming trunks were filled to the point of ripping..

   "She pulled her head back and kissed my neck and went down to my hairy
chest and licked there.  Then she fell to her knees on the darkroom floor
and held my buttocks in her hands and pressed her cheeks to my bulging
crotch.  I placed my hands on her hair and moaned.  I couldn't believe it
was happening-everything I had dreamed about.

   "She placed her lips over the tip of my cock and breathed warm air
through the material.  It almost made me faint in excitement.  I thought I
was gonna come right then.  I started pushing my trunks down over my ass
and finally she lifted her face and helped.  My cock was released from the
tight elastic band and stood out proudly in front of me.

   "'It's bigger than in the picture,' Rhoda said, as she stared at it with
love in her eyes.  Then she put her hand around it and kissed it gently on
the tip as I wriggled the trunks down my body to my feet.  I stepped out of
them and kicked them aside.  I was completely naked, and ready for her
loving hot mouth.

   "I watched as she moved her lips close and opened them.  Her teeth
sparkled, and there was a smile on her face as the head of my cock
disappeared into her mouth.  She damped her lips around the shaft and
pressed in with her tongue and teeth and cheeks to completely encase it in
warm flesh.  I shuddered and flexed my muscles and it jumped in her mouth.

   "Then she pulled her head back and started slow movements, up and down
the length of it, sometimes biting just a little with her teeth, which sent
shivers down my legs.  I spread my feet and let her caress my balls as all
sensation rose to the tip of my penis.

   "'Oh Rhoda, I don't believe this!  I don't believe it-don't stop, don't
stop!' I practically ordered her!  I was in another world and never wanted
to leave it.  She sucked my cock with such passion and love that it' was
almost a new experience for me.  It was so much more than just sex.  I was
on Cloud Nine.

   "Then she let it fall from her lips and started kissing around it, in
the thick black hair just above it, and down next to my balls where the
hair was also very thick and dark.  I spread my legs farther and farther as
her tongue swirled under my nuts.  They shook and moved under her tongue
caresses, and each time she went farther, nearing my asshole.  I grabbed my
balls and held them up, hoping she would get the message and go to my
asshole!  She licked at the hard spot between my balls and my ass, and
slowly let her tongue wander near the hole.

   "'Turn around,' she said suddenly.

   "I turned around and let my balls drop.  I spread my legs and felt her
breathing on my asshole.  I bent over just slightly and she put both hands
on my buttocks and spread them.  Then she kissed them and moved her face
slowly to the center, to the dark hot opening that so desired her lips.

   "'Please, Rhoda, please ...  ' I couldn't stand it, I had to have her
mouth on my asshole!

   "All of a sudden she slammed her lips to my anal opening and pressed
ahead with her tongue.  I shouted in pleasure and bent even more, forcing
the lips of my anus to part and admit the tip of her tongue.  Then she
released her hands on my buttocks and started lashing at the place with her
tongue, sending the tip into my canal with each stroke.

   "She brought her hands under my balls, and one grabbed them while the
other found my hard cock and began pounding on it.  I knew I was going to
come; there was no stopping it.  I couldn't wait for her mouth, this was
too exciting.  Her tongue was doing things to my asshole and to my mind I
never dreamed possible.  I couldn't give up the moment without an orgasm
...

   "I shot halfway across the room!  Honestly, I wouldn't kid you!  She
pumped my hard dick till I thought it would break off.  Her tongue fucked
my asshole like no tongue ever had.  I was insane with passion.

   "Finally, when she pulled her face from my burning asshole, I stood up
and felt her hand release my cock.  It flopped against my balls with a wet,
slapping sound.  The life was gone from it and it pointed to the floor.

   "'Rhoda, come here,' I said, turning around, offering her my hand.  She
stood up and we embraced.  Her face was shining from the saliva and her
hair was wet with perspiration.  I held her tight-her body was shaking-and
kissed her neck.

   "'I love you, Carey, that's why I wanted to do that-to make you happy.'

   "'Man, Rhoda, did you ever make me happy.  That was the greatest thrill
of my life, believe me!'

   "I think she did.  She looked into my eyes and gave me a big smile.  I
asked her if she cared to see my bedroom ...

   "'I'd love to get rid of these clothes'-her swimming suit-'and join you
in the altogether.' She winked.

   "I'd love that too,' I said, leading her from the darkroom.  'Come
along.' I didn't even bother to pick up my trunks.  My cock flopped before
me as we walked across the backyard, to the house.

   "We didn't say a word once we were in the bedroom.  We were overcome
with our new relationship and our love, and all I could think about was
what it would be like eating her pussy and asshole.  'She took off her
bikini as soon as we entered the room and fell back on the bed, naked
before me for the first time.  I looked down at her beautiful young body.
Her cunt was covered by soft brown hair, her nipples were small and hard.
She was exquisite-and I was excited.

   "I knelt between her legs and kissed her navel.  She stirred and ran her
fingers through my hair.  'Oh, Carey, you're so wonderful,' she whispered.
There was only a small candle burning-I love candles and her body had a
faint golden glow to it, as if she had been carved out of bronze.  I looked
at her in wonder and desire and moved my lips down to touch the top of her
thatch of hair.

   "'Oh Carey, eat my pussy!' she called out, lifting her knees in the air.

   "'Rhoda, that's just what I'm going to do.' And with those words I
dropped my head to her cunt and kissed it.  The taste was sweet,
bittersweet, like nothing I had ever tasted.  The lips were soft and moist
and I parted them with my tongue, sliding up and down between them.  I
kissed and sucked on the hairs around the lips, and moved my tongue farther
in, sliding up the canal, up the tunnel of love, tasting the honey that was
waiting there for me.

   "I helped spread the lips with my fingers, and found her throbbing
clitoris and flicked it with my fingers.  Then I tongued it, and she shook
violently on the bed.

   "'Carey, oh my God, Carey!'

   "I dug my teeth deeper into her pussy lips and sucked for all I was
worth on her clit.

   "'Oh Carey, bite it, suck it!  Yes!  Yes!' She was throbbing with
excitement and sexual energy now.  She kicked her feet on the bed, bringing
them up and slamming them down at my sides.  I dug my face as far into her
crotch as I could, finding it hard to breathe, loving every moment of it.
Her pussy juice was a life giving substance to me: I had to lap it up, to
lick it up, to drink it down.  I wanted to drink every part of her, to take
her saliva and her come and her piss, because I wanted to be part of her,
to share her.  Fucking never entered my mind.  My mouth wag the: only thing
I had with which to give her pleasure, as she had used hers on my cock and
asshole.

   "I lifted her legs in the air and pushed them up over her shoulders to
frame her head.  I bent down and kissed her, and my cock rubbed against her
asshole.  I was hard as a rock again, and I was surprised to feel the
marvelous sensation on the tip when I moved it over the anal opening.  I
knew I would be able to have another orgasm!  I had been afraid that the
climax in the darkroom was all for that day!

   "She held her feet over her head as I brought my head down to her cunt
again, and her asshole, which was wide-spread before me.  I licked her
pussy and then moved down ever so slowly to her anus.  I lightly tongued
it, just enough to send a bolt of electricity through her body.

   "'Ahhhhhhhh!  Yes, tongue my asshole!  Stick your tongue up it!  I love
you!  I love you!' I had never seen her like this, so alive, so excited.  I
was crazed with the realization of what I was doing to her and I only stuck
my tongue out faster and harder than I normally would have.  I wanted to do
everything double, triple, to make everything more than it was.  I wanted
my tongue to slide all the way up her asshole and fuck her like a cock
would.

   "I clamped my lips to the hard opening to her anal canal and shoved my
tongue out.  It was hard at first, but she relaxed the muscles enough to
get the tip of my tongue up her.

   "'Make love to my asshole, suck it, fuck it with your tongue!  Carey, I
love you!' she screamed, so I loud I was sure the people next door could
hear her!  I bolted my tongue as deep into her asshole as I could and she
cried and banged her head on the bed.

   "Then she let her, feet drop, and shoved a few fingers up her pussy and
masturbated as I licked her asshole again and again, each time just
touching the bottom of her pussy lips.  She was in ecstasy, and m a moment
she was near her peak.

   "'I'm coming, Carey, I'm coming!'

   "I lapped harder and harder, waiting for it, waiting for her body to
shake and rattle and then grow silent in pleasure.

   "'I want you to take it, honey!  Get ready!' She jammed her hand in and
out of her pussy as I still kept licking her asshole.

   "'NOW!' she screamed, grabbing my hair, forcing my face to her cunt.  My
tongue picked up where her fingers had left off and all of a sudden my face
was warm and wet, taking a bath in her feminine fluids drowning in her love
juices.  I sucked and sucked and swirled my tongue over every inch of her
cunt until she just gave up and let her body be wracked by sobs.  She
relaxed and I licked the wetness off her, pussy lips and lay my head on her
thigh ...

   "We stayed like that for about ten minutes, and then I moved up, into
her arms, and we kissed and rolled around on my bed.  Our passions were
enflamed, once again and I started licking her tits and biting her nipples.
She ran her hands over my body and slowly moved her head back down to my
crotch: I did the same to her.  We were in a sixty-nine position before we
knew it.
"I shot my tongue into her pussy and she took my hard cock in her mouth.
Each time I bolted my tongue in and out of her crack, she moved down my
shaft.  Our fingers were playing in each other's assholes, lightly fucking
each other there, which enflamed our passions even more.  I felt my come
building up again, and knew I was gonna shoot another good load down her
beautiful young throat.  My cock swelled in her mouth, just as her tiny
clit hardened under my wet caresses.  I held her tight and buried my head
between her legs as my orgasm came, almost silently.  It flowed from me in

long agonizing gushes, filling her mouth to the spilling point.

   "It was then I sensed the presence of a third person in the room.  You
guessed it.  Mother dear, watching her son sucking his girl, watching her
son's big fat cock shooting its semen into a woman's mouth!  Her face was
red-purple-and she looked as if she were about to explode.  I moved into a
sitting position, really stunned.  Rhoda was in shock-she was unable to say
a word, terrified, and tried to cover herself with the blankets.  Come was
still visible all over her chin.

   "I was about to say something when the scream came.  Mother stood there
and let out the worst scream I have ever heard in my life!  Dad shouted
from the bottom of' the stairs and ran up them in time to see me stand up,
still with an erection dripping of come, trying to think of something to
say.

   "'Filth!  Filthy pigs, disgusting pigs!  Get that slut out of my house
...  sucking your thing ...  filthy degenerate pig !'Mother was shaking. 
Dad didn't know what the hell to do or say.  I wanted to shout back, but I
thought of Rhoda first, and slammed the door in Mother's face and locked
it. She stood out there beating on it for a few minutes, calling us all
kinds of names, but Dad finally got her away.  I think he dragged her down
the hall, the one time in all the years I had been alive that he finally
exerted some force over her!

   "Rhoda broke into tears, and I held her-she was confused.  But we
talked, and I told her about my Mother and how difficult life was with her,
I was determined that she would not ruin my relationship with Rhoda, and
although it was my fault for leaving the door open and all, I was glad I
did it because it put me in a position of having to be truthful.

   "I told Rhoda I was moving out of my parents' house, I told her I was
exclusively oral.  I told her what my parents were really like.  I told her
about them fucking obscenely on the living room floor.  I told her I loved
her and wanted us to have a chance together.

   "And we walked out of that house, together, past Mother and Dad.  We
told them we were in love and that we liked sex and would share all kinds
of it.  Mother screamed, 'Not in my house!' again and we assured her she
was right, never again in her damn house!

   "I rented an apartment three days ago.  Rhoda is going to live with me
and maybe, after the influence of my Mother wears off, we'll even be able
to fuck regularly."

   Carey is a typical paranoid character, His only hope for recovery
depends on his ability to relinquish his identification with his aggressive
mother and come to terms with this aggression he has assimilated from her
which, as part of him, he projects upon others.

   Now that Carey has left home, and his overprotective mother, he has a
better chance of being free psychically, however, he takes his parental
situation along with him in his unconscious, Because of the intensity and
prolonged quality of his relationship with his mother, Carey now has
characteristics-paranoia, sadism, cannibalism-which could even develop into
real criminal manifestations in his later life.

   As severe as Carey's case seems to be, it is not an unusual development.
His Jewish upbringing so characteristic of a middle-class American life
dominated by a father whose role in life has been restricted to providing,
and a mother who tries to find meaning in life through an overpossessive
attitude toward her children, created Carey's situation and many others of
similar character, fixated at one level of sexual development or another.
Carey is not so much typically a Jewish son as he is typically an American
boy.

   CONCLUSION

   Examining the present set of narratives gathered together under a single
theme-oralism-one cannot fail to be impressed with the wide-ranging changes
in attitude that have led to the current sexual revolution among young
people.  The general acceptance of oralism and other extra vaginal (or
non-genital-to-genital) means of attaining sexual satisfaction has been
attested to by the current popularity of marriage manuals and other sources
of sex education in which these practices are rather prominently featured.

   These changes, bolstered thus by the proliferation of sex education
manuals and other educational aids, have led to what many consider a
complete reversal of sexual attitudes, as Albert Ellis observes in the
Encyclopedia of Sexual Behavior:

   As we enter the closing phases of the twentieth century, a curious
semireversal of the Eastern and Western attitudes toward coitus seems to be
taking place.  At least, among the highly educated, intelligent, and widely
read classes of English-speaking society, an unusually liberal attitude
toward extravaginal coital relations has been and is still spreading: so
that it may be confidently predicted that by the close of the present
century an individual in these classes will be considered neurotically
inhibited and to some degree sexually deviated if he does not at times
spontaneously and joyously engage in all forms of heterosexual coitus,
vaginal as well as nonvaginal.

   The objective observer may well wonder what the future holds if this
prediction becomes even partially true.  How will the eyes of the future
look back upon our era of widespread sexual neurosis and psychological
conflict?  What will they think of the masses of pilgrims wending their way
to the offices of psychiatrists and psychologists all over the country? 
Will even such narratives as the foregoing seem exceptional in their
fascination with oral sex?  Note that even to Ellis the criterion for
sexual health seems to be the exclusivity of nonexclusivity of sexual
interest.

   It may be then, that there is a gradual relaxation of the more neurotic
forms of sexual vigilance working its way through our society and the
societies of the Western world in general.  It was not so long ago, in
Victorian England, that the mention of such parts of the body as the arm or
the leg brought shocked amazement at a mixed gathering.  The taboos of that
period have been relaxed to a substantial degree in the present day.  It
should not take much imagination to postulate the further alteration of
ingrained sexual taboos as the world moves on.

   However, even with the relaxation of sexual prejudice and the
improvement of scientific and psychological techniques for the
investigation of human sexual behavior, it cannot be assumed that topics
such as oral sex will be accepted quickly and without reservation
throughout the general public.  As always, the advancement of knowledge
will proceed in slow, steady steps.

   The End
   _/j>*Z!M)zlcsd*s!&lC 

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