Message-ID: <54238asstr$1153800601@assm.asstr.org> X-Original-To: story-submit@asstr.org Delivered-To: story-submit@asstr.org X-Original-Path: nntp.comcast.com!news.comcast.com.POSTED!not-for-mail NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 24 Jul 2006 15:29:57 -0500 From: Vincent Dukorr <Vincent.Dukorr@gmail.com> User-Agent: Thunderbird 1.5.0.4 (Windows/20060516) MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Original-Message-ID: <PIWdnZhIt6ZYsFjZnZ2dnUVZ_uydnZ2d@comcast.com> X-DMCA-Complaints-To: dmca@comcast.net X-Abuse-and-DMCA-Info: Please be sure to forward a copy of ALL headers X-Abuse-and-DMCA-Info: Otherwise we will be unable to process your complaint properly X-Postfilter: 1.3.32 X-ASSTR-Original-Date: Mon, 24 Jul 2006 16:29:56 -0400 Subject: {ASSM} Horseplay (0/21) (intro, nosex) Lines: 87 Date: Tue, 25 Jul 2006 00:10:01 -0400 Path: assm.asstr.org!not-for-mail Approved: <assm@asstr.org> Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: <URL:http://assm.asstr.org/Year2006/54238> X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation <story-admin@asstr.org> X-Story-Submission: <story-submit@asstr.org> X-Moderator-ID: dennyw, emigabe Horseplay 0/21 Vincent Dukorr []---------------------------------------------------------------- Prelude []---------------------------------------------------------------- The general codes for the series as a whole are: M/F+ light mdom, solo, rom, and very slow. Guys pair with girls and girls pair with girls in all sorts of ways. All of the characters involved in sex are older than 18, are willing participants and there is no magic, mind control or other codes beyond what you'd find in a standard porno, unless you count the dom stuff, which is pretty light. I'm not judging you, man, I just write what I like. This is, to use the term, pretty vanilla stuff. Further there is zero [Z 0 0]. (obscured so it doesn't get searched) I know, my fault for picking the title. []---------------------------------------------------------------- Notes []---------------------------------------------------------------- I must warn you beyond the codes that the story is really slow to get to the "naughty bits". They're there, and they're naughty, but it takes a little reading effort. This is the entirely the fault of a story called "Summer Camp" by Nick Scipio that inspired me a lot, but probably not in the way you might think. I'd better get this out of the way here for anyone who's interested. This story was originally very short and was more of your typical stroke tale. I've nothing against the short'n'sweet to the point story, believe me. I've read them and enjoyed them. A lot. So the first version of this had zero characterization or plot, getting down to the business with as many scene types in as little space as possible. In fact, (I'm ashamed to admit) the females got their names from the alphabet, going from A to M before I happened upon the aforementioned "Summer Camp". Suddenly my story looked awfully thin by comparison. While the settings of our two tales are somewhat similar (summer, youths, campfire style setup) I'd actually had the idea for Horseplay before reading SC, if for no other reasons than I had a good amount of experience around horses, knew of just such a camp, went to several summer camps (although never an actual horse one) and a summer camp gives ample "setup" opportunity. Just look at how many summer camp movies there are. So while "Summer Camp" doesn't get credit for the locale or plot, it more than makes up for it in story structure and level of characterization. Apparently if you care and empathize with the characters, if you can really picture them as real people in your head, then the "good stuff" gets remarkably better. In fact, I read a lot of SC while skipping over the "good stuff" because I wanted to see what would happen to the characters. So if Nick ever reads this, I hate you, man. I was done and had a half-ass stroker to send out into the world and then your epic blows me away. I cared about your characters, I enjoyed how realistic (well, mostly) the setups were, and I was shocked by how honestly erotic the whole blasted thing was. So my hamburger and fries story wasn't good enough, now I want steak. And steak is kind of a pain in the ass to do. []---------------------------------------------------------------- Other Stuff []---------------------------------------------------------------- I should mention that Horseplay is intentionally structured very, VERY rigidly. Every chapter is one day in Neil's life. Each day follows a very rigid schedule per camp timing. This allowed me to write with some measure of lazy plot scripting. If the planned HP2 ever goes anywhere, I'll probably go to a more free structure. The reason for this is to make it easier to move the story along, which goes into getting more of the story done which goes into getting it posted online and some feedback (hopefully) flowing. It bypasses "paralysis by analysis" where I don't write anything because I don't know what to write. And yeah, I don't HATE Nick, just his skills and literary luminance. What with dragging my pitiful, naked little story out into the harsh light and exposing every ugly flaw. Imagine coming to a bake sale with a bag of crumbly, burt cookies and somebody shows up with a wedding cake. Actually, truth be told, I'm a big fan of his work and am, like all such fans, waiting (im)patiently for him to put the next story out for us to read. All that aside, Horseplay has undergone a massive rewrite and will, in my oh so humble opinion, be ten times better for twenty times as much effort. I hope you at least enjoy it. Comments to Vincent.Dukorr@gmail.com -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ------ send stories to: <story-submit@asstr.org>| | FAQ: <http://assm.asstr.org/faq.html> Moderators: <story-admin@asstr.org> | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |ASSM Archive at <http://assm.asstr.org> Hosted by <http://www.asstr.org> | |Discuss this story and others in alt.sex.stories.d; look for subject {ASSD}| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+