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Subject: {ASSM} Girl Fag - (new) Chapter 14 by Rachael Ross
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Date: Thu, 06 Jul 2006 09:10:01 -0400
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Copyright 2004 Rachael Ross all rights reserved.

Please see chapter one for story codes and important background
information. I strongly suggest you do not read this chapter without
first reading the first thirteen chapters.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Girl Fag
by Rachael

Chapter Fourteen


Sunday wasssss...Sunday. I slept and did homework and worked in the
garage, since I really needed to earn some allowance. I'd been
slacking a lot and Daddy paid us by the hour, no kidding, mostly cause
of the business paperwork...He even took out taxes and social security
and stuff. But a certified mechanic is worth 40 bucks an hour to a
garage, even more in a good garage, and we get paid on that basis. Not
the 40 dollars the garage charges, of course, more like 25 dollars,
with the rest going to the shop. Still, 25 bucks an hour adds up quick
when you're just 14 years old, even after social security and
Daddy's special college tax.

So I had my hands dirty, which was always nice, fixing a busted
radiator on a '77 K-car. If there is ever a dumber, more ugly
automobile ever manufactured  anywhere else but in France, then I
don't know what it is. Chrysler was a joke anyway, once you got past
1966 or so, everyone knows that. But even my Daddy, who loves cars like
God loves babies, can't think of a good thing to say about K-cars
except they got nice oil pans. That's like meeting a fella's
girlfriend for the first time and all you can think of to say is that
she has nice elbows. It doesn't mean anything; so Daddy didn't fool
me a bit.

The only other big thing that happened Sunday, before dinner at least,
was I got my period. Two days early, near as I could figure, and it
sorta ruined a decent pair of Darth Maul boxers, but they were black
and red anyway, so maybe not. I tried to track my cycle, sort of, but
it wasn't regular at all. Sometimes it came and went just 3 weeks
apart, other times I'd go 5 weeks without one and start worrying
I'd caught something off the toilet seat in the bathroom! I got 6
brothers, you know? Immaculate conception isn't a good excuse, even
if I was gonna be the first pregnant virgin in Squinosha County. Not to
mention having to do those paternity blood test things on all my
brothers to figure out what to name the kid if it was a boy!

Yep, I was sorta careful and checked the toilet seat before I sat down,
you know? An ounce of prevention could save maybe 8lbs 13oz's of
trouble later.

Anyway, menstruation ain't a big thing for most people. Girls, real
girls I mean, pretty much live with it and it's just second nature,
barely noticed really, in the greater scheme of things. Boys don't
notice it at all, except when they're in trouble, then it's always
a good excuse. If you believed boys, girls menstruate 3 weeks out of
every 4 and there's about a week of good sunny weather when they can
watch some TV in peace.

For me, being a boy on the inside, and a girl on the outside, and
inside too, technically, but you know what I mean...For me menstruation
was like an adventure all it's own. Not only didn't I know exactly
when it was coming, but I didn't get to blame all my problems on it,
since I sorta knew better. I mean sure, I did get cranky, maybe a
little, and when I got a cramp it sort of gave me a headache too, so it
was just best not to talk to me too loud then, or not at all was best.
But that wasn't all the time either, just once in awhile. Mostly my
periods were easy compared to a lot of girls I knew. My flow was light,
generally, and lasted just 5 days usually, mostly just 4 and that was a
lucky break.

I just didn't like dealing with it; that was one problem. I used pads
and my brothers usually freaked a little if they saw a bloody one in
the trash or something. I could cut the heck out of my finger, bleed
all over a perfectly good t-shirt, wad it up and leave it on the
kitchen counter and nobody would care. But three spots of blood on a
pad in a plastic bag in the bathroom trash can, and it was like the
world was ending. The other bad thing about pads was that I couldn't
use them with my boxer shorts, which I liked a lot more than briefs.
There was a bit of tape, see, that's supposed to hold it inside a
pair of panties. But I didn't even own a pair of panties. So that was
why I had a half dozen boy's briefs, just so I could stick that
stupid pad to something.

Also, the really weird thing about getting my period was that it made
me horny as sin. Not just normal boy horny either, cause I was mostly
boy in my brain and I think that generally made me a lot more eager for
sex than I would have been otherwise, but maybe not so much as a 100
percent boy, I don't know. But when I was on, look out! Ever since I
was maybe 13 and started really understanding what felt good and how to
make it feel better, when I got my period I wanted to feel better all
the time! My nipples were puffed and hard and ached. My clit was always
on fire, and my whole body would just flash hot and cold sometimes, for
no good reason at all. I heard the same thing happens when girls get
menopause and it made me wonder how I'd know, I mean since my body
was already acting that way! I guess I just wouldn't have the mess,
just the side effects...That would be okay, I thought. So I sorta
looked forward to menopause.

The difference this time, that I'm taking so long to get around to,
is that before I didn't really have anything I could do about those
weird feelings. I hadn't had sex with anyone before, not even a kiss
really. This time, when I got my period I was a lot more experienced. I
had my own girlfriend, Jane, who really was my girlfriend. I had 5
brothers who would probably give me sex anytime I wanted it, and a
sixth brother, Scott, who might know where I could get some if nobody
else was home! It was bizarre!

I wasn't out of control or anything, I don't want to sound all
whacked or something, I'm just saying, I knew I was gonna be extra
horny and it made me a little uncomfortable. Not just cause I was
probably too horny anyway, but because I was pretty sure nobody was
gonna want to have sex with me if I was having my period.

But that was guy thinking.

I was on the phone with Jane, who had called me right after dinner.
Mark and David were cleaning up though, so it was cool to talk, but I
still kept it quiet, wishing for a little privacy.

"What are you doing?" Jane was asking me, her voice was soft too,
but only because she wanted it to be. I knew she was in her bedroom,
lying on her bed.

"Nothing, just finishing dinner. What are you doing?" I asked.

"Ohhh...just rubbing my pussy." She giggled. "I'm still so sore
down there! I'm glad you have small hands."

"Yeah?" I swallowed and looked at my brothers, who were trying to
listen without looking like it. "What about your ass?" I whispered.

"Mmmm...You wanna come over and find out? My parents went to
Beaverton, they won't be back til late."

"Uhhh...hmmm..." I sort of wanted to go. In fact I really wanted to
go, but... "I just got my period today." I told her, feeling a
little embarrassed about it. I was the only boyfriend in Washington,
I'd bet, who got a period.

"So?" Jane asked, like I'd said my bike had a flat tire.

"So, uh, I don't know..." I wasn't sure what to say really, I
hadn't really expected her to not care.

"You feel bad?"

"Huh?" Did I feel bad, about what?

"You got like cramps and stuff? My first day is always the worst."
She explained.

"Oh, uh no. I hardly ever feel bad like that. Just headaches
sometimes."

"You're lucky then." Jane giggled. "So, you coming over or
what?"

"Ummm, nah, I better not." I told her reluctantly. "I think my
dad wants to see my face around the house a little more."

"Oh, yeah..." Jane sighed. "I get that too. A lot. Like they're
afraid they won't recognize me or something some day. I wish!" She
laughed. "Call me later then, okay? Please?"

"I will, you know I will." I promised and we said some soft
intimate goodbyes and I hung up the phone feeling like I was missing
out all of a sudden. But I was pretty sure I wouldn't have been a
hundred percent comfortable either, even though Jane probably coulda
cured me of that once I gave her the chance.

 Next up was Kyle, which totally surprised me. He called like two
minutes after I'd hung with Jane.

"Don't hang up! I'm really, really, really sorry! Okay?" he
said quickly as soon as I answered.

I didn't say anything for a long time. I didn't even breathe. I
just wanted to make him suffer. I'd been mad last night, that was a
fact, but mostly just confused by how Kyle had acted. He'd sort of
put me in a mood that had led to some interesting fun with Jane though,
so maybe it was all part of the greater cosmic plan, I wasn't sure.

"Hello? Uh...Ann? Hello?"

"I'm here." I said finally. "Was that your whole apology?" I
tried to sound mad, kinda, and I think he believed me since I shoulda
been mad.

"No, uh-uh, I got all kinds of other ones, wait! I wrote them down.
I'm sorry I was such a jerk. I'm sorry I was drunk. I'm sorry I
got mad for no good reason. I'm sorry I didn't listen to what you
were saying. Uh...I'm sorry I didn't pick you instead of the other
guys. I'm sorry I didn't say I was sorry. I'm sorr..."

"Wait a sec..." I interrupted Kyle. "What did you just say?"

"Ummm...I'm sorry I didn't say I was sorry?" He made it a
question, like he wasn't sure.

"No, no, before that."

"Uh, okay, I was um, I'm sorry I didn't pick you instead of the
other guys." Kyle said slowly.

"You mean when you told me you'd rather dump me than have Matt and
Lance and John mad at you?" I asked softly.

"Yeah." Kyle was probably nodding. "I wish you were still my
girlfriend."

"Why?" I was confused again, or maybe just a little resentful still
that he'd picked someone else, even 3 best friends, over me when
I'd picked him over my 3 best friends. That they were the same three
guys didn't matter at all.

"Cause um, the way you used to look at me." Kyle was almost
whispering. "And uh, the way you always helped me, even when it sorta
embarrassed me, and you didn't notice it. And, I don't know, Ann,
cause you're way hotter than any other girl, even Jane Hudson, or
that girl in Beaverton."

"Why else?" I asked, not to tease him, but just to see if there was
anything else. I wasn't mad at all anymore, I wasn't even sad
really, I just...I wanted to cry, mostly.

"Cause, uh, I love you." Kyle whispered.

"I gotta go." I blinked hard and my Daddy was coming in the
kitchen, which was good convenient timing, but I couldn't talk to
Kyle right then anyway. Not after what he'd said. I didn't want to
listen to it anymore either.

"Wait..." But I hung up the phone and tried to smile, like nothing
was up, but inside I was trembling.

"Who was that?" Daddy opened the fridge.

"Uh, that was Kyle." I felt too drained to lie.

"Oh." Daddy turned around holding a beer. "You want one? Looks
like maybe you can use a little something." He didn't wait for an
answer, he just tossed it to me. "Let's go look at that K you put
back together." Daddy didn't leave much room for a no either.

There wasn't much to look at, I'd brazed the radiator just fine,
flushed it and tested it and put it back where it belonged, it would
hold like a champ, but that wasn't the point.

"I get the feeling you want to tell me something, but maybe you're
a little scared." He said after a few minutes humming and poking with
his nose under the Chrysler's hood.

"Uh, yeah." I admitted. "Maybe."

Daddy found a comfortable seat on the business end of a brand new
Mitsubishi that some guy in Portland wanted turned into a street racer,
like something out of a Fast and Furious movie, or something. Daddy had
turned him down twice, but he had deep pockets and even Daddy's pride
had limits...least so far as putting his kids through college were
concerned. He said we could deny we'd ever touched the thing once it
was out of state; blame it on the Roscoe boys in Spokane, who were
notorious for crap like that.

I just leaned up against one of the toolboxes, we had a lot of them,
but this one was about 8 feet wide and 6 feet high and weighed a ton,
literally. I coulda used the bottom drawer for a bedroom if it hadn't
been full of grinders and stuff.

"Maybe." Daddy nodded. "Okay, well, I know it seems like I
ain't always around and maybe I oughta spend more time in the house
than out here, but I can see when something's bothering you."

"It's okay, Daddy, I understand..."

"I know you do." Daddy nodded, sipping his beer. "You're a good
kid, always were, and you make me proud as hell. I don't say it
enough, but you do, and you don't have to be shy with me, okay? I'm
still your dad and ain't nothin gonna change that."

I was nodding, trying to think of how to tell him what I thought I
wanted to tell him, but my thoughts about Kyle kept getting in the way.
Why in the world had he decided to call 10 minutes before Daddy decided
to have a man to man with me? It seemed like everyone was always
ganging up on me, even when they were trying to help me, it wasn't
right or fair. I didn't need all this at once, didn't God know
that? And on top of my period too!

I wanted my dad to get to the part where I could tell him anything,
anytime, and we'd hug and I could go take a shower and just think.

But Daddy seemed to want some sort of answer about something and he
wasn't gonna get to the hugging stage until he got one, or he was
sure that I didn't have one for him. But I wasn't even sure how to
begin, and if I did, where to stop...or even if there would be a
stopping it, once it started, and that was really scary! I always
tended to say a lot more than I should once I started crying on
someone's shoulder, especially Daddy's because...well, he was my
dad.

"So, what's on your mind?" Daddy was waiting, drinking his beer
slow. He mostly gave us some slack about personal stuff, me especially,
but I guessed he was really worried. Had I been acting that strange? I
guess I probably had been if Daddy had noticed.

"Um..." I tried to remember how clear everything had seemed to me
the other morning, when I really had wanted to talk to Daddy, but I
just couldn't recall what I'd wanted to say. It just seemed
impossible, but I took a deep swallow of beer anyway...

"...Uh, Daddy, do you think I'm a boy, or a girl?" I might have
blushed just a little, but I wasn't afraid to look at him. It was a
serious question.

"Ah..." He cleared his throat a little. "I reckon you're a
girl, sort of."

"But I'm sort of a boy too, ain't I." I said, not asking a
question at all. I actually felt kind of happy inside, since Daddy
hadn't laughed at more, or come out with a real quick answer, like of
course I was a girl. He was a little undecided on the subject, like
everyone else, and you might think that was pretty strange, but maybe
you don't know any girls like me. Anyway, it seemed like good news
for me, if he wasn't sure I mean.

"I guess you got some boy in you." Daddy nodded slowly. "If uh,
well if that's what's botherin' you, the way you were raised and
all..." He was sounding a little guilty, probably thinking I was a
little pissed because I hadn't worn dresses, or braided my hair, or
played with dolls when I was growing up.

"No, uh-uh, dad, it doesn't bother me at all, at least not like
that. I sorta have to tell you something though and, um..." I look
down for a second. "...and it might make you sorta mad." I finished
my beer and I just held the can in my hands, Daddy had tossed his empty
already.

"Okay." Daddy was a little confused, a little concerned too, but he
was ready to listen. Even if he did get mad though, he wouldn't whip
me just for that, for making him mad, he'd cool down first. That was
one good thing about him that I always appreciated. He only punished us
after he was done being mad, and then only if we deserved it, cause
sometimes a person could make someone mad without really doing any
mischief. And besides, he always said, it was the only way we were
gonna learn anything and he wasn't trying to teach us how to tell
when he was mad.

"I...I am a boy, Daddy." I was looking at him. "Inside I mean,
like in my heart, and I don't ever want to be a girl, I don't
think."

"I see..." Daddy said slowly. "I'm not sure you got much choice
in the deal, Ann." He told me gently. "I always knew you were gonna
grow up, you know, but I sorta figured you'd want some lipstick or
something." He was making it sound like that was what he was really
wanting me to say, that I was turning into a young woman, not this
stuff about being a boy.

"No." I shook my head, feeling bad cause I was disappointing him, I
thought.

"That's a hard decision to make, girl." Daddy scratched his head.
"Some of the kids giving you a bad time about it?"

I shrugged. "A few I guess, but I can handle it."

"So this ain't about somebody else, is it?" Daddy sighed; he
could see the writing on the wall. "You got some more you want to say
to me." I think he was hoping I'd cry about people calling me names
or something, give him an easy problem to solve while he figured out
what to do about me being a boy inside.

"Are you okay with that?" I asked him, figuring maybe I could
sidestep around the big issue. "With me being a boy, I mean.

Heh." Daddy shook his head. "I guess I probably ought to be, huh? I
didn't treat you any different from your brothers, so I don't
reckon I should start just because you don't seem to want me to."

"Uh, okay." I had to puzzle that out in my little brain for a
second.

Daddy watched me patiently, waiting to hear the rest of what I had to
say.

"So, you wouldn't care if um, if I had a girlfriend, maybe?" I
asked slowly, biting my top lip a little, because I was pretty nervous
right then. My heart was thumping in my chest and I tried to stay calm,
but I had that adrenaline rush you get when you feel a fight coming on.

 "You telling me you like girls?" Daddy's eyes narrowed a little
and nodded.

"I'm a boy...So, uh...I have a girlfriend, dad." I was looking at
him, but I lowered my eyes before I could see his reaction.

I knew the story about my mom, I mean I'd heard it from other kids
mostly, and my brothers a little, but not much. How she'd run off
with a stripper when I was four years old and left my dad to raise 7
kids by himself. How the whole town had laughed about it at Daddy's
expense mostly, but at his children's too. Mom had turned lesbian, or
always was and just didn't do anything about it for some 15 years of
marriage. Either way, I didn't figure Daddy would think much of his
little girl being queer too.

"I'm sorry, Daddy." I wasn't gonna cry, if that's what
you're wondering. I didn't feel particularly upset, at least not
that way. Mostly I just felt bad because I'd had to tell him, he
deserved to know. And not just that, but he had to know that no matter
how mad he got, or if he took me to the woodshed a hundred times, or
even kicked me out of the house; no matter what he did, I wasn't
going to change. Whatever I was, a boy or a girl, queer or straight, I
was stuck with it. And so was everybody else.

"That would explain all the stargazing with Jane Hudson, I reckon."
Daddy said after about 10 minutes of cold silence in that big garage.

He said it kind of funny, like almost joking with me, and I glanced up
to see him looking at me. But he didn't look all that mad, or even
really disappointed, although I thought he must be; dad just looked
like...well, like dad.

"You're not mad?" I asked him tentatively.

"I'm a little mad you lied to me last night." Daddy frowned.
"You mighta just told me you wanted to spend the night with your new
girlfriend."

"Uh..."

"I'd have said no," Daddy chuckled, "but I reckon you knew
that."

"Yeah." I nodded, trying to look contrite, but inside I was doing
cartwheels. My stomach was turning inside out and I felt like the
Grinch the day after Christmas, when his heart started growing 2 sizes
too big, you know? Daddy wasn't pissed? My brothers all told me he
was gonna freak out if he knew! I thought the world was gonna stop when
he found out! This was it? This was what I'd been agonizing over?

It was almost a let down, or so it seemed, but that woulda been stupid.

"You want me to be mad?" Daddy looked at me. "Want me to try and
change you somehow, bring you to some shrink in Seattle maybe, get some
of those pills they got that make you watch TV and smile all day
long?"

"No." I shook my head. I didn't know what pills my dad was
talking about, but I didn't want him taking me to a head doctor, that
was for sure.

"I ain't sure I understand it." He scratched the stubble along
his jaw. "But if you can put up with all the trouble, then..."

"Everybody thought you'd be really mad." I told him. "Mark,
David, everybody."

"They did, huh?" Daddy chuckled a little. "I'm your dad. I put
you on the road, wind you up a little, and try to help you steer you
clear of trouble. But I ain't the one driving. It's your life, Ann,
you wanna try this thing with girls, I ain't gonna stop you. Hell, I
probably couldn't stop you anyway. But there's gonna be hell to pay
later." Daddy gave me a wry smile. "In a small town like this,
there always is, just remember that."

"Yeah I know." I nodded.

"Least I ain't gotta worry about you knocking that girl up."
Daddy grinned at me and I nodded.

"No, I ain't gonna do that, Daddy." I giggled.

"So uh, you give up on boys then? Cause of that Hades kid, or..."
Daddy was trying to figure it out. Even if he wasn't mad it had to be
confusing, finding out your girl was a boy and a lesbian.

"Uh, well..." I shrugged. "I like boys, okay. Some of them." I
wasn't sure I should have been saying that.

"So..." Daddy looked at me like he wanted to know more.

"So um, I guess when I kiss a boy I feel sorta...queer, you know?"
I blushed a little and looked down at the empty can I was holding.

"You feel queer kissing a boy." Daddy shook his head. "But
kissing Jane Hudson makes you feel normal?" He laughed like that was
a pretty good joke.

"Uh, yeah." I shrugged, "Sorta."

"She's a cute one though." Daddy sorta looked off into nowhere
for a second. "Never woulda figured Jane Hudson for being one of them
lesbians."

"What about me?" I asked him, just cause he had me curious after he
said that.

"Huh?" Daddy focused on me again. "Oh, uh, hell girl, I sorta
expected this outta you." And I wasn't sure if he was teasing me or
telling me the truth, probably a little of both, I suspected.

"Well, jeeze! When we're you gonna let me know?" I said, just to
tease him back. You have no idea how good I was feeling right then

Daddy looked at his watch. "Oh, round eight o'clock." He hopped
off the car laughing and rubbed my head. "You'll be okay, kiddo.
Now why don't ya go call your girlfriend or something? I got some
work to do out here."

Steve was in the kitchen, along with David and Henry, playing three
handed cribbage, when I walked in. He asked me if I wanted to play but
I shook my head and grabbed the phone.

"I was talking to Daddy." I told them as I dialed slowly, since
talking and dialing were sort of hard to do at the same time for some
reason.

"Oh yeah?" David looked up at me. "About what?"

"I told him I'm a lesbian." I said with a little shrug.

"What?" Henry stared at me. Well they were all staring at me, but
just the news that I was a lesbian was shocking to Henry. "I thought
you were like a guy or something."

"Shut-up Henry." Steve told him.

"No way!" David was laughing and then yelling for Mark. "Hey!
Mark! Mark...Come down here!"

"Yeah, I did." I nodded. "I told him Jane was my...oh, uh, hi!"
I turned my back on my brothers as Julie answered her phone. "Yeah,
it's me."

"Wow! I was hoping you'd call, what are you doing?" Julie sounded
happy to hear my voice.

"What did dad say?" David was asking me.

"She said she was like a fag, like a guy fag!" Henry was trying to
explain to Steve.

"Hold on a sec, Julie." I covered the mouthpiece with my hand.
"Could you guys be quiet? God! I'm on the phone here! Hey, I'm
not doing anything really. My brothers are being sort of obnoxious
though."

"Is that what that noise is?" Julie giggled. "Hey, I wanted to
ask you something. I told my parents about you last week?" She made
it sound like question.

"Yeah." I answered. "So?"

"Right, so anyway, that was, um, before I knew you were a girl, so I
talked to them again, and this Friday, if you want, we can see a movie
or something and you can crash here, at my house." She paused for a
second. "If you want to, I mean, you don't have to or anything like
that. I just..."

"Sure, yeah." I told her, giggling a little because she sounded so
nervous. "You guys aren't going roller skating or something next
Friday?"

"Annie, you didn't really tell pops, did you?" Mark was
whispering to me the same time I was trying to talk to Julie.

"What was that?" Julie asked. "That was my stupid brother Mark
who's gonna get punched in about three seconds." I said, telling
Mark more than Julie.

"Oh." She laughed. "Nah my parents figured we'd all go
horseback riding on Saturday instead of skating. Hey! You wanna go with
us?"

"On Saturday? I can't, I have a football game in the afternoon."
I said apologetically.

"Oh." Julie sounded a little disappointed.

"But you know what? One of my best friends has a horse ranch, she has
like 3 horses all her own, maybe sometime you can come over here and we
can go riding at her place."

"Yeah, that would be great!" Julie replied enthusiastically.

"I'll talk to her then." I promised.

"Okay." Julie was quiet for a minute and I was listening to my
brothers, who were mostly talking about nonsense really. Wondering if I
was really a lesbian or not since I was pretty much a guy anyway. I
sincerely hoped Julie couldn't hear any of that, but they were being
quiet anyway, since they didn't want my dad to hear them.

"Do you, ummmm..." Julie started asking me something and stopped.

"What?" I asked and when she wouldn't say I asked again. "What?
Come on, don't tease me!" I giggled.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" She asked me finally. It surprised me a
little, but maybe it shouldn't have since we'd never really talked
about that stuff, at least not directly. But then again we'd just
talked what? Three or four times over the last week or so, less than
that really.

"Well, I did, that guy I was with, Kyle." I told her slowly.

"Oh, right yeah. I uh, sorta forgot." She giggled and I'd have
bet a dollar she was blushing.

"How about you?" I asked her, deciding to sit down on the floor,
pressed in the corner joint between the wall and the end of the kitchen
counter. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No!" She laughed. "I'm not old enough yet according to some
people."

"But you want one though, huh?" I teased her a little.

"No!" She giggled.

"Come on, that's why you gave me your phone number, right?" I
laughed softly.

"No, I just...I don't know, I wanted to talk to you." She paused
like she might say more. "What?"

"Nothing." I said innocently. "So if I was a boy you wouldn't
go out with me?"

"What?" She gasped a little and laughed. "No! My folks would kill
me!"

"You always do what they say?" I was smiling to myself, it was kind
of fun teasing her.

"Yeah...uh, mostly."

"Mostly? What does that mean?" I asked softly.

"Nothing, it's just...mostly!" She was smiling too, I could tell.
"What about the rest of the time, what do you do?"

"Nothing, god...what do you do?" She laughed.

"I asked you first!"

"So, I asked you second!

"Ummm...I went out with a boy!" I laughed. "So there!"

"I bet you didn't even kiss him!" She challenged me.

"Oh yeah?" I challenged her back. "How much?"

"Oh, you did not!"

"I did too, ask Denise to ask him if you don't believe me."

"Really?" Julie asked a few seconds later. "You really kissed
him?"

"Well, yeah. It was a date." I giggled. "You ever kissed
anybody?"

"No, ummm...no, never." Her voice was softer now.

"You should try it." I was almost whispering. "It's really
nice."

"Yeah?"

 "Uh-huh. You gotta know how to do it though, like Frenching, you
know how to do that?"

"French kissing? Uh, sorta, I think."

"Sorta?" I laughed at her. "Probably it's a good thing you do
everything your parents say, Julie." I teased her gently.
"Mostly."

"Oh, yeah right, so you went on one date..." She sighed. "I wish
you weren't so far away."

"Yeah." I sighed too, thinking if I was in her bedroom I'd have
shown her exactly what French kissing was all about. My body was hot as
heck and I blamed it on my period. All I wanted to do was kiss her
right then.

"Come on." Steve grabbed my arm not 3 seconds after I hung up the
phone.

"Hey...Wait a minute...Where you going?" All of my brothers were
talking at once and watching as Steve led me out of the kitchen.

"We need to talk." Steve said, and he made it sound like he was my
dad.

Scott was out someplace, probably down in Pullman, I thought, and I
hoped he was having some fun. He'd gone down for the weekend and I
thought he'd met a guy, but I didn't know for sure, of course,
Scott kept that part of his life a total secret. So secret I hadn't
even known until a few weeks ago.

So I sat on Scott's bed and picked up his guitar, the Preacher, but
didn't turn on the amp or anything. I just needed something to keep
me busy while Steve talked, I had the suspicion I'd need a reason not
to look at him maybe.

"What did you say to dad?" Steve asked me, sitting across from me
on his bed.

"I told him I was a boy." I hit a power chord. "And then I told
him I had a girlfriend."

"Jane Hudson?" Steve shook his head. "Is that what you call
it?"

"What?" I stared at him.

"Last night, at the party." Steve looked a little pissed. "What
you were doing with Jane..."

"What?" I shook my head. "It was just having fun, who cares?" I
looked down at my fingers. "Why, was your new girlfriend pissed or
something?"

"She was embarrassed." Steve told me. "And so was I, Ann. You
can't act like that, Jesus."

"She was licking my fingers, Steve, so what?" I stared at him,
feeling a little pissed too. "Kyle was acting like a jerk, I
practically got raped at Coach's house, and none of you guys even
care! So I wanted to have some fun, okay?"

"What?" He Steve stared at me and I didn't realize what I'd
just said at first.

"Nothing." I frowned and looked down, kicking myself.

"What about Coach's house? Who almost raped you?" Steve looked
pretty mad and it seemed to me that Levi was pretty lucky he didn't
live in Squinosha.

"Some guy." I said. "You don't know him and nothing happened
anyway."

"Something happened or you wouldn't have said it." Steve lowered
his voice then and moved to sit close to me on Scott's bed, putting
his arm around my shoulders. "Come on, Ann, it's okay. We do care,
all of us. You know that, I just don't want to see you getting
hurt."

"I'm fine." I licked my lips and looked at Steve, no longer
playing the guitar. "I met a guy I like, or thought I liked, anyway
and uh, he wanted to do it, you know? And I did too, but I sorta
chickened out. Coach heard me saying no and he grabbed him. Nothing
happened. I'm still a virgin, okay?" I giggled a little.

"But it scared you huh?" Steve asked gently and I nodded. "So you
decided to get extra brave last night? With Jane?"

"I don't know." I sighed a little. "Maybe. I just sort of...did
it." I blushed. "She likes it anyway though, it didn't hurt
anybody."

"You don't know that, Ann." Steve was shaking his head.
"Everybody knows you guys are gay now."

"So?" I laughed like I didn't have a care in the world. "Daddy
knows too. It's alright, he wasn't mad."

Steve looked at me doubtfully. "A week ago you were afraid of your
own shadow. What happened to you?"

"I'm tired of being afraid, I guess. I don't know." I grabbed
Steve's thigh and squeezed it. "You don't know what it's like,
Steve. Everybody thinks I'm queer anyway. I was so afraid of that and
I hated myself for it, because I wanted to change and I couldn't,
see? But now, I told everybody, I can't take it back. Everybody
knows, but nothing changed, it's still the same for me."

"I don't understand..." Steve ran his fingers through his hair.

"Everybody said I was a lesbian before, even when I wasn't." I
told him. "The only difference now is that I really am."

But I wasn't a lesbian, not really. I was just being what people
wanted, that's all, and it was sort of frustrating even as it made me
feel a little free finally. I was a guy more than ever, I mean my own
dad didn't argue a whole lot when I'd told him I was a boy. And how
could he? I looked like a boy, I acted like a boy, now I even had a
girlfriend, just like a boy. The only thing I couldn't do was make a
baby with Jane, and he was happy about that. I thought it was all
pretty crazy.

I still had my hand on Steve's thigh and he was hugging me a little
with his arm around my shoulder. He didn't really understand what was
going on, he'd been a little mad at the way I acted, and I guess he
should have been. And Steve was worried too, since fingering Jane and
making her lick my fingers in front of a couple dozen people was
definitely something new for me. New for Squinosha County too,
probably.

"You just have to remember that being a lesbian is one thing, shoving
it in people's faces is another." Steve was saying. "You keep
acting like you were last night and you're going to be in trouble.
This is a small town, Ann, it isn't Seattle or Spokane or someplace
where you can march down the street..."

"Yeah, yeah." I sighed and rubbed his leg, feeling my pussy damp
and itchy. I needed to take a shower and change my pad. My boobs were
sore too, like they sometimes got during my period, and my nipples felt
puffy and hot. I suddenly wished Steve would just shut up and suck on
them for me.

"I'm serious, and if you embarrass me like that again I'll spank
your ass." He half smiled because he was only half teasing. "I
swear to god."

I moved my hand back and forth, a little higher each time until I felt
the bulge of his penis under my fingertips. I pressed against it
slightly and then before he could protest I put my hand over it,
squeezing his cock through his jeans.

"Ann!" Steve jumped just a little and it made me smile.

"Don't worry." I told him, leaning up so I could kiss his neck.
"I'm still queer."

"We shouldn't..." I was rubbing his penis harder and I moved
Scott's guitar off my lap blindly, trying to set it on the floor, but
it fell with a soft thump onto the carpet.

"I want to, please?" I whispered, turning my body so I could slide
my hand under his shirt, touching his warm smooth skin gently.

"I promised..." Steve let me kiss him, my tongue playing across his
lips as he spoke. "...Mark that I wouldn't..." I kissed him
harder, squeezing his penis like I was milking it or something. My
tongue found his and he was hugging me with both arms then.

"Don't worry about Mark..." I breathed, smiling and unbuttoning
my shirt. "...he ain't gonna care what we do anymore." I had to
free my breasts, they felt like they were on fire and the cool air was
an instant relief as I pulled my shirt off quickly.

"What?" Steve was staring at me, trying to understand what I'd
just said. "You mean Mark...and you...?"

"And David too." I giggled and put my hand around Steve's neck,
pulling him to my breasts and he didn't resist all that much. "Kiss
me...please...kiss my tits..."

I moaned softly as Steve took my left nipple into his mouth, sucking
gently at first until I was urging him to suck it harder. "Bite
it...oh god...just bite it...please!" And he chewed my hard puffy
nipple gently while I writhed with pleasure, holding his head against
my body until I thought my nipple was gonna explode and I pushed him
over so he could do the other one.

I worked to free Steve's cock, fumbling a little and getting
frustrated as it was hard to focus on what my fingers were doing, but I
finally got his jeans loose and reached inside to find his semi-hard
penis, sort of curled up in there. I pulled him free so it stuck
straight up and began working my hand back and forth along the shaft.

"Let me suck it..." I groaned, feeling so horny I could barely
think straight. "I wanna suck it for you."

"Oh yeah...Jesus..." Steve leaned back, licking his lips and wiping
the back of his hand over his mouth. He'd given my tits a good hard
sucking and I felt them burning and was wet with his saliva.

I put my mouth over the smooth round head of my brother's cock,
swirling my tongue around it quickly, and then sucking several inches
of him into my mouth, until it ran out of room, nudging the back of my
mouth and making me gag, just a little. But I held him there, like I
was afraid to let him go, jerking the good 4 or 5 inches that
wouldn't fit in my mouth with my hand. There wasn't a lot of room
for my tongue, but that was okay, Steve could feel it wriggling against
the underside of his sensitive penis and he jerked his hips a little as
I sucked him off.

I started moving my head up and down, shifting my body so I could kneel
on the floor, instead of leaning over on the bed, it was better that
way, much easier and I felt Steve's hands on my head, not forcing me,
just guiding me as I sucked his swollen dick. I wasn't a lesbian at
all, I thought, I was a total fag cocksucker. I wished all my brothers
were in that room, so I could have sucked them all at once. Six big
hard cocks in my face, in my ass, fucking me like the boy I was. I felt
my clit aching at the thought and my pussy felt like mush as my excited
juices joined my menses. I rubbed my hand across the front of my
trousers, just enough to feel a little pressure on my clit and I moaned
around Steve's cock, swallowing spit and precum and trying to catch
his cockhead at the same time.

"Ohhh...fuck..." Steve whispered as his penis finally entered my
throat, sliding inside me completely so that I could feel his soft
curly pubes against my face. I was trying to swallow, but with his
thickness pressed inside me all I could do was squeeze him with my soft
muscles, a series of little contractions which must have felt really
good for him.

I lifted my head from Steve's cock slowly, letting eight solid inches
of dark wet cock emerge from my lips, so that just the head rested on
my bottom lip while I caught my breath. "Oh shit that was good..."
Steve rubbed my head gently through my short blonde hair. "Do it
again..."

I did it again, and then a half dozen times more after that, taking it
slow and enjoying the way Steve reacted every time I had him deep in my
throat. It was getting easier and by the last time it was like I could
just open my throat anytime I wanted and his cock slid in as easily as
you could ever imagine. I just wished I didn't have to breathe, he
could have fucked my throat for an hour, I bet. But it did make me kind
of sore too, since Steve's cock is pretty thick and my throat is
pretty small.

"Cum for me..." I was panting, holding Steve's cock in my hand
and jerking him off. It was soaking wet and so was I. Every time I'd
pulled his cock from my throat a lot of spit and precum had come with
it, running down my chin and neck, spilling across my heaving breasts.

"Oh yeah...I'm gonna cum...suck it for me...I wanna cum in your
mouth..." Steve was whispering pulling my head down.

"Wanna cum in my mouth?" I breathed, kissing the head as I worked
both of my hands up and down, squeezing his dick hard. "Want me to
swallow it for you?" I took the head in my mouth, washing it with my
tongue and just jerking Steve off, feeling his heavy balls being pulled
up as I pulled his skin tight.

"Oh fuck yeah...I'm gonna cum...oh...oh...shit Annie!" He pulled
my head down hard, shoving his cock to the back of my mouth as it
suddenly jerked under my fingers, seeming to swell even larger for half
a second and then just spurting wilding.

Steve's hot cum filled my mouth to overflowing and it was too much
too fast for me to swallow and I was coughing as I tried. Sperm leaked
out between my tight lips, spilling down my fingers as I continued to
stroke Steve quickly, coaxing every drop of semen I could from his
throbbing cock. I got enough control over my reflexes to relax and
swallow the mouthful of sperm that surround his cock. It was creamy and
gooey and a little slimy, and the taste was almost musky somehow, but I
enjoyed all of that, savoring it as it went down my throat and into my
tummy.

We both rested for a few minutes. I lay my cheek on Steve's thigh,
playing gently with his cock in my hand, occasionally moving to lick at
a bit of semen that I'd missed.

"Friends again?" I looked at him, smiling.

"Yeah..." Steve breathed, smiling back. "We always were."

"I know." I giggled and started getting up. "I'm gonna take a
shower. You can spank me later, okay?"

"Heh." Steve chuckled and started tucking his penis away.

I didn't bother locking the bathroom door after I closed it and I
took off my pants and underwear carefully. My pad hadn't been enough
for everything and it was soaked through with blood and my juices. I
had streaks of it on the insides of my thighs, sort of pinkish. I
hadn't cum or anything, but I'd been plenty excited, that was for
sure, and I still was. I wrapped my pad up in toilet paper and threw it
in the little plastic trash can that was next to the toilet, telling
myself I'd need to take that out before I went to sleep. It smelled
rich with blood and sex.

I washed myself slowly in the shower, working my fingers around my sex
gently and finally giving in to the need to masturbate. I didn't
really like doing it, rubbing my pussy and fingering my little slit
like that, just slipping my fingertips between my puffy labia, but I
did it sometimes. Usually during my period, when I really had to wash
myself good anyway and I was extra horny. Playing with my pussy felt
really good, but I didn't like to admit it. I wanted a cock, that I
was the thing, and it was pretty hard just to close my eyes, spread my
legs, and pretend I was jerking off when all I could feel was a hot wet
hole down there.

"Hey..." I hadn't heard the door open, but I heard it close and
the sound of the lock clicking. It was David and he pulled the shower
curtain open a little, peeking in as I rubbed my pussy. "Ahhh...I
knew you liked touching yourself!" he grinned.

"Shhh..." I was feeling really good and I smiled at him. "Shut up
and get in here!"

"Really?" David looked around, over his shoulder, like he forgot we
were locked in the bathroom or something.

"Yeah..." I moaned softly. "I want it..."

"Okay." David didn't think twice about it. He might have been
pretty smart when it came to computers and stuff, but he was more like
a little kid the rest of the time. Sort of na�ve and ready to try
anything without a lot of thought for the consequences. But I was the
same way. If my dad caught us we'd be deader than Abe Lincoln
himself.

David stripped in record time and his cock was already hard and long, a
good 6 inches at least, probably seven, but I wasn't gonna measure
it. Steve had the biggest dick, but all my brothers were good sized,
although it wasn't ever a big deal to me. As long as it was hard,
that's all I needed, especially right then. I was so close to
cumming.

"You want to fuck?" David was stroking my tits and I nodded
underneath the hot spray of the shower. "Like really fuck?" he
grinned.

"Huh?" I didn't understand at first then I shook my head. "No,
uh-uh, in my butt...fuck my ass..." He'd seen me playing with my
pussy, so I guess he figured it was fair game or something.

"Turn around then," he whispered, "like this..." At least he
didn't seem disappointed as he turned my body so I could press my
hands against the cool tiles just beneath the shower head.

"Ohhh...yessss..." I sighed a moment later when I felt the dull
thick head of his cock against my anus. "Do it...fuck me..." I
closed my eyes, feeling my body tense instinctively and I tried to
relax.

David grunted softly in my ear as he thrust his cock into my ass,
shoving himself deep with the first hard push so that half of his cock
was inside me suddenly. It knocked the air out of me and I felt the
familiar pleasant burning sensation of my muscles being stretched
around a good hard cock. I pushed back a little and we'd soon worked
his dick completely into my ass and he held himself there for a few
seconds so we could enjoy it.

I turned my head so we could kiss, the water cascading over our faces
as our tongues played across each other, moving from his mouth to mine
and back. I reached down to feel my clit, wanting to rub it and knowing
it would make me cum if I could just get a little pressure there. But
David was fucking me now, moving his cock in and out of me slowly and I
needed both hands against the wall to steady myself.

"Touch me." I breathed and it was the first time I'd ever asked
anyone to do that. "Just my clit...please...touch it for me..."

"Okay..." David practically moaned into my ear and he slid his
right hand around my hip and down my tummy to the top of my pussy,
finding the small erect button of my clitoris and rubbing it gently
under his fingers.

"Harder..." I groaned, thrusting my ass against him. "Rub my
clit...harder...fuck me..." I could barely talk, the feel of someone
else's fingers touching my clit was driving me crazy, and David's
cock seemed perfect for my ass, not too thick and just long enough to
feel really good. We were fucking easily, harder and faster and David
was making little circles with his fingers over my clit.

"Ohhhhh....Gahhhd!" I moaned loudly and I covered my mouth quickly,
knowing I was going to scream. I would have fallen, I think, if David
hadn't been holding me like he was. My knees were rubbery and my
lungs were breathing fire as my orgasm erupted deep in my tummy,
spreading out and making my whole body shudder. I had my eyes shut
tight and I was gasping and groaning against the palm of my hand. I
couldn't do anything but cum and it just never seemed to stop. As
soon as I felt like it was finally over another would wash through me,
stealing my senses so I felt dizzy and dumb and full of confusion.

Somewhere in the middle of my three or four orgasms, David was cumming
too, his cock shooting sperm deep in my ass. He was just holding me
now, his hand pressed against the soft swell above my sex. David kissed
my neck and cheek and was whispering in my ear, but I was oblivious to
it, barely aware that he was even there. My entire existence was
wrapped up in the pleasure my body was finally receiving. It was a
wonderful and much needed release.

David left me in the shower, after I'd come down a little and could
at least stand on my own. Breathless and weak and smiling gratefully at
my brother. It hadn't taken us very long, maybe 10 minutes I think,
or 15 tops. One nice thing about having sex in the shower, I decided,
was that I could wash my ass really good after we were done. It had
been good sex too, really relaxing even when I was cumming, and my butt
was hardly sore at all as I fingered it gently, washing all of my
brother's sperm out of me. But now the water was running cold and I
turned it off as David dressed quickly and slipped out of the bathroom.


"Awww...David..." I sighed as I picked up my towel, which David had
used to dry himself. It was pretty wet.

"That was a long shower." Henry grinned at me when I walked into
the bedroom I shared with him and Greg.

"Yeah." I smiled. "It was nice too!" I didn't know if he knew
what David and I had been up to, but he looked like he figured
something was up. Probably he just thought I'd been playing with
myself.

"I bet." Henry licked his lips. He was cute, like the rest of my
brothers, with a clean face, strong jaw and dark eyes underneath his
dark wavy hair, but he just had something about his personality that
was abrasive. Like no matter what he said it was going to rub you the
wrong way, you know?

"I bet it was really...hot, huh? And wet too!" Henry laughed and I
just shook my head.

"It was hot and wet yeah." I was grabbing my pads from under my
mattress.

Henry didn't say anything, he knew I kept my pads under
there...except they weren't under there. "Where are they, Henry?"
I turned around, wrapped in my wet towel and crossed my arms, staring
at him.

"What? Your girl things?" Henry was grinning. "Or that big dick
thing?"

My jaw dropped and I lifted my mattress again, feeling all around
underneath and sure enough, my strapon was missing too. "I'm gonna
kill you!" I told him, trying to keep my voice down. "Give me back
my stuff right now!"

"Ummm...okay." Henry was nodding. "But how about you give me
something too?"

"What?" I was practically grinding my teeth.

"You know what." He raised his eyebrows suggestively and rubbed his
penis through his corduroys.

"Don't be stupid." I shook my head. "Just give me my stuff."

"Maybe dad would like to see that dildo you got." Henry was
scratching his head. "Maybe he could use it for a hood ornament on
that Mitsubishi."

"You wouldn't have the guts, Henry." I took a couple steps and my
hands were balled up into fists. "I ain't gonna say it again."

"God, have a fit why don't ya!" Henry shook his head. "I was
just fooling around with you." He was pouting a little, but he
reached under his pillow and pulled out the little plastic bag with my
pads in it. "I never get what I want." He tossed them at me so they
landed at my feet.

"Where's my dildo?" I asked him.

"Under Greg's mattress." He pointed and I looked under Greg's
bed, almost sighing with relief when I found my strapon next to a
couple old Playboy magazines he had. Henry looked unhappy, probably
wondering why I hadn't laughed and agreed to play his little game.

"You're such an ass, Henry." I put it back under mine and fixed
my bed sheets. "You know, if you'd just be nice and talk to me, be
like my friend once in awhile..." I walked a little closer, so I
could look down at him. "I'd suck your cock every night." I
whispered.

"I am nice!" Henry protested, but I just held up my hand.

"See? You're doing it again. You gotta learn just to shut-up
sometimes, man." I opened my dresser and found some briefs, dropping
my towel and making sure my brother got a good long look at my hat damp
body as I stepped into my underwear. I was definitely changing, and not
just from working out, which was a good kind of change, but from
growing into a woman too. I was getting some hips, I realized, and my
waist was tight so I was a lot more curvy suddenly, or so it seemed to
me. I shook my head and tried to ignore it, pulling my briefs up as far
as my thighs, and spreading my legs a little so I could tape a pad to
the crotch.

"I'm sorry." Henry said softly, but he knew he wasn't getting
any from me that night. I hadn't needed any of his crap at all and
fooling around with someone's personal stuff was a big no-no in our
house. None of us had enough privacy as it was.

I pulled up my briefs and pressed my hand against my pussy, just for a
minute to make sure the pad was in the right spot. I put on some old
blue boy's pajamas, which were thin and loose and didn't do much
except cover me up a little, but they were comfortable. They'd been
Scott's for a long time, until he got too big for them. The only time
I wore them was when I had my period, since walking around in briefs
always made me feel silly for some reason.

It was getting sorta late, like around ten when I got on the computer.
I didn't use it a whole lot, it just seemed kind of boring usually
and the games my brothers liked either freaked me out, like that Doom
game that Mark played, or just didn't make a lot of sense, like the
Black and White game that Scott enjoyed so much. He had a really big
cow that would dance with his villagers. What kind of game is that?
Steve used it just so he could check out his muscle girls and Henry,
well, who knows...He always seemed to doing nothing when someone was
around, so he was probably just checking out porn.

I was gonna check out some porn too, which was a first for me. Not
cause I had anything against porn, I didn't really care about it, it
was just that it seemed silly to look at pictures when you could be
doing something else. Especially now that I had someone I could be
doing that something else with, you know what I mean? But I really
wanted to figure this BDSM stuff out, or at least get some ideas, so I
ran a search on BDSM and that gave me a headache. You know how many
links that'll give you? Like 56 million or something and how was I
supposed to know a good one from a bad one?

I just sort of chose them at random, really, but the ones I was picking
were like ads for web sites that wanted my credit card number. I
didn't even have a credit card, but I saw some pretty sick pictures.
A spanking is one thing, but like putting a girl's boobs in a vice?
Uhhh...no thanks! I didn't like my tits a whole lot, and I wished
they were even smaller than they were, but if someone ever tried to do
that to me I'd declare war on his butt!

I heard Daddy coming in the kitchen, so I hit the little button at the
top, the one that looked like a house, cause that got me to the email
thing fast, and I typed in my nickname and my password, but I didn't
have any new email. I'd never gotten a new email in my life, but I
hadn't ever sent one either. I wondered if Julie had an email, maybe
we could share pictures or something. Except I'd rather see her in
person.

Daddy was with Scott, who'd just gotten back and he was walking in
the little den where I was. "Hey, Ann. I was just gonna do that
too." He gestured at the computer.

"Oh, sure. I'm done anyway." I shrugged and got up. Daddy was
going up the stairs and I listened to his footsteps as Scott checked
his email and talked to me about how the weekend had been. I didn't
really say a whole lot about what I'd been doing, and Scott was his
usual vague self about what he'd been up to. I grabbed one of the old
dining chairs we had by the computer desk and pulled it up, figuring
Scott might be a good person to talk to, so long as we were quiet and
alone.

"Hey, um, could help me with something." I asked him when it looked
like he was done with what he was doing.

"Sure, you got homework or something?"

"No." I shook my head. "Nothing like that, I was wondering about
BDSM and stuff like that?" My voice was real soft and I glanced over
my shoulder, but nobody else was even downstairs.

"BDSM?" Scott narrowed his eyes a little. "What do you want to
know about that for?"

I just shrugged. "I just want to, that's all." Then I giggled,
unable to help myself and Scott was gonna find out from Steve anyway.
"I got a girlfriend, Jane Hudson, and she likes it, kinda."

"You have a girlfriend?" Scott looked like he didn't believe me
right away. "I thought you wanted to be queer, like a guy."

"Yeah, I do." I nodded, only half-realizing how weird my
conversations were getting these days. "But I'm sort of a queer
girl now, too."

"Uh, okay." Scott laughed. "You're so weird, Ann. I thought I
had problems!"

"I know!" I laughed, grabbing Scott's arm. He was the only one of
my brothers with blonde hair like mine, and it was long. I wondered
what it would look like on me. "So, um, can you help me?"

"Yeah, I can help you. I know some stuff." He shrugged. "I know
some web sites too, what do you want to know?"

"I don't know, uh...everything?" I laughed.

"There is no everything." He grinned at me. "Here, this place is
sorta handy." He was taking us to something called 'The Deviant's
Dictionary' which seemed to have definitions and explanations for
just about every kind of sex you could think of, and a whole lot that
you couldn't.

We looked at that stuff for awhile and at least I got a good
understanding of some of the terms, but it wasn't really like talking
to someone either. I wished I'd gotten to talk to Coach the day
before, instead of just getting half-raped by Levi. The good thing was
that I'd get to see Coach in the morning, assuming he'd be there,
but I didn't figure on him standing me up. Even if he did feel bad
for the way his friend had acted.

"Does this help at all? Scott asked me.

"A little, I guess, I don't know." I shrugged. "Reading that
stuff I think I'm sort of submissive more than dominant."

"Maybe you're a switch." Scott was moving the mouse, looking
around until he found some paragraph talking about 'Switches'
whatever that was and as I read it, I started feeling a little better,
mostly cause it sounded like me.

A switch is someone who can be submissive or dominant, depending on who
they're with and what they feel like doing. That sounded a lot like
me just because I was sort of a switch between boy and girl, I mean
most of the time I was a guy and I just wanted to guy things, but every
now and then I felt different, like a girl, sorta, and I just tried to
hide those feelings away and ignore them. I was also kind of a switch
about being straight or gay, since I wanted to be gay all the time, but
technically I was straight when I was with a boy, even though I felt
straight when I was with a girl.

So if I was a switch when it came to my gender, and I was switch when
it came to my sexuality, then it made total sense that I'd be a
switch when it came to this BDSM stuff too! Didn't it? I mean my
whole life was nothing but switching, right? So this just seemed too
good to be true, really, I was tailor made for being a switch. I
grinned and practically rubbed my hands together as I puzzled all that
over in my little brain, deciding that yeah, it was okay to let Coach
totally dominate me one day, and then find myself getting turned on
because I could make Jane blush with embarrassment the next.

That might have been all I needed, just a little explanation to really
give my confidence a little something to fall back on. I still didn't
know exactly what I was doing, or how to go about doing it, but at
least I didn't have to worry that I was trying to fool myself. I was
okay and I know that probably doesn't seem like much to anybody who
never went through the stuff I was going through, but believe me, it
was a big deal to me.

"You like that huh?" Scott was chuckling at my reactions as I
started understanding things a little better.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Thanks, Scott."

"No problem." He killed the web page and then cleared the history
and emptied the temporary folders where all the stuff we'd looked at
was stored. "No sense leaving any evidence." He grinned. "You
know, when pop finds out you got a girlfriend..."

I laughed at him. "He knows already. I told him."

"Really?" Scott sat back a little. "What uh, what did he say?"

"He said it was my life." I shrugged. "If I could handle the
trouble then he was okay with it."

"Maybe he figures it's like a phase or something." Scott
wondered. "Like you'll grow out of it."

"Maybe." I looked at my brother, rubbing his thigh. "You ever
think about telling him?"

"Yeah." He nodded, "Sometimes."

"He might be cool with it." I said.

"I don't think it would be the same thing to him." Scott sighed.
"Guys like lesbians, even the ones who say they don't." He made
me laugh at that. "No, I'm serious. Guys are into it, I mean as
long as they're lipstick lesbians."

"Lipstick lesbians?" I grinned at my brother, like what was he
talking about?

"Yeah, like you and Jane." Scott smiled. "She's definitely a
lipstick lesbian."

"What about me?" I asked. "I don't wear lipstick."

"No, you don't, you're just a dyke." Scott laughed at me,
teasing me a little. "Let's go to bed."

"Mmmm...I gotta make a phone call first. I'll see you in the
morning." I gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Dyke, huh?" I said
under my breath and laughed. That sounded like a really bad word for
some reason, even worse than fag.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked Julie quietly.

"Hi. I was just sleeping a little." Julie answered, sounding like
she'd been sleeping a lot.

"Sorry I woke you up. I just wanted to..."

"No, that's okay. I'm glad you called." I could hear her
stretching just a little, making a soft little sighing sound.

"Really?" I asked, smiling happily to myself.

"Yeah. I was thinking about you."

"Oh yeah? Thinking about me how?"

"Uhhhh..." She giggled a little.

"Come on, you're always teasing me." I scolded her softly.
"What were you thinking about?"

"I was thinking about you being a boy, sorta..." She swallowed hard
enough so I could hear it over the phone.

"Yeah, well, I am a boy kinda." I laughed.

"Yeah, that's what I mean, if you're sort of a boy then um, I was
thinking about uh..." Julie paused for a couple heartbeats. "I was
thinking about kissing you."

I think she was holding her breath, maybe wondering if I'd laugh at
her or just hang up."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that..." She was apologizing
quickly and I cut her off.

"It's okay." My heart was beating faster. "I was um, thinking
about kissing you too." I licked my lips. "Before, when we were
talking, I sort of wished I could kiss you."

"Really?" her voice was so soft then.

"Yeah." I replied. "I uh, I like you a lot."

"I like you too."

"I mean like more than just a friend." Now it was my turn to wait
for her to laugh in my face or slam the phone down in my ear, but I
didn't really think she would.

"Me too." She whispered. "Since before, but I was afraid to say
it."

"Yeah, me too." I sighed softly. "I didn't think you'd like
me cause I'm a girl."

"I didn't think you'd like me cause I'm a girl!" She giggled
and I laughed too. Feeling like I was on top of the world suddenly.

"I really want to see you." I told her.

"Come over tomorrow, after school." She said, her voice quietly
excited.

"I can't, I got football after school."

"Please? Just once, skip it and come over. I want to see you too."
Julie begged me.

"Um..." I thought about it. I could afford to miss one practice,
right? I could tell Coach I had some family thing or something, he'd
be okay. I just needed a ride, but I could get one. "Okay. I'll
come over like 4:30 or so, uh where do you want to meet?"

"Really!" Julie laughed happily. "My house, just come here,
it'll be okay."

"Your house? Uh, alright." I shrugged to myself figuring her
parents must both work or something. "Where do you live?"

I wrote down directions to Julie's house and we talked for a little
bit longer, mostly just both of us complaining about living so far
apart. It was weird talking to her and knowing that she really liked me
the same way I liked her. I'd been so full of doubt and fear before,
wondering if we were just friends or what, but now I knew. She wanted
to kiss me even, it would be her very first kiss ever and she wanted it
to be with me. If we weren't in love I didn't know what the word
meant.

Greg was just coming in when I was dialing Jane's number; he gave me
a little wave and a smile and went upstairs. He'd been out with his
newest girlfriend, little Carol Hahn, the seventh grader, according to
my brother Henry as we'd sat around the dinner table earlier. She was
only 13 and Steve had said that was sorta young, even for Greg who was
just barely turned 16, but Daddy had just shrugged and if he didn't
care, then it was okay. I wondered how Greg had hooked up with her,
since I barely knew her even though we went to the same school.

"Hey girl." I said softly when she picked up her phone.

"Girl huh?" She giggled. "I like it. What are you doing?"

"Calling you!" I laughed. "You made me promise, remember?"

"I shoulda made you promise to come over." She hadn't been asleep
at all from the sound of her voice.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Just painting my toes, wondering why I have a boyfriend who never
calls."

"Yeah right!" I laughed. "What did you do today?"

"We went over to Beaverton, me and Sherry. Hey did you know they got
a new store there? Sorta downtown, it's an accessory store."

"What's that?" I asked, having no idea what an accessory store
was.

"It's where they sell like jewelry and makeup and hair clips and
stuff." Jane laughed. "Accessories, you know? They do manicures and
pedicures there too, but it's kind of expensive. Some Vietnamese
woman owns it."

"Oh." I shrugged to myself, wondering what the big deal was.

"It's cool, they doing piercing too. The lady said she'll pierce
anything!" Jane giggled and lowered her voice. "Sherry wanted me to
get my nipples pierced, but I said I'd have to ask you first."

"Oh yeah?" I asked, a little more interested now.

"Yeah, wouldn't that be cool? I could get like rings or something,
I don't know." She paused. "Would you like that? Do you think it
would be okay?"

It was her body, I didn't really know why she was asking me, but that
was her thing anyway. She would look pretty hot with pierced nipples
though, I thought. I could even get like a little chain or something, I
grinned to myself, imagining the things I could do and wondering if I
wasn't turning into a total dyke or something, thinking that was
probably the right word for what I was.

"Uh, yeah." I cleared my throat softly. "Yeah, that would be
pretty hot."

"Yeah, I think so too!" Jane gushed. "I want you to be there
though, you know so you can watch and everything. Okay?"

"Sure, yeah." I was agreeing, not really understanding completely
what I was agreeing to.

"So tomorrow then, okay?" Jane asked. "Like right after practice?
I have cheerleading until 5:30 and you got football, right? I'll pick
you up?"

"Tomorrow?" I blinked hard at that. I was skipping practice so I
could meet Julie and hopefully give her the first kiss of her life.

"Well, yeah." Jane sounded a little concerned. "You can't go or
something?"

"Uh, well I was sorta going to skip practice." I said slowly,
trying to think really fast. I was going to Beaverton, and I needed a
ride, but going with Jane? She might want to see me kiss Julie, just
cause it would make her feel excited or bad, or something, but what
would Julie think? She would freak out, I told myself, that's what
she would think. Unless Jane was just like a friend of mine, not a
girlfriend at all, then maybe...

But that wouldn't work, I told myself. It was a stupid idea and even
if I could get Jane to somehow pretend she wasn't my girlfriend just
so I could kiss another girl, Julie would know. Wouldn't she? I mean
you can't just stop being boyfriend and girlfriend and fool someone
else, especially the way Jane acted. And who was I fooling? If I told
Jane not to act like my girlfriend she was gonna be seriously pissed. I
knew I would be, I wouldn't care at all about the other girl, in fact
I'd go out of my way to make sure everyone knew who the real
girlfriend was, you know what I mean?

Nah, it was a horrible idea and it was gonna get me killed if I tried
it. One way or the other, either Julie or Jane was gonna hate me,
probably both of them, just because I was having my period and so
freakin horny I couldn't think straight. It was making me greedy,
that's all, just plain greedy. So no, I wasn't gonna say what I was
gonna say, was I?

"Skip practice? Why?" Jane asked, just like I knew she would.

"Cause um, you remember that girl, Julie? The one I told you
about?" I held my breath.

"Yes." Jane answered cautiously.

"Well, she uh, she wants me to come over to her house tomorrow and
uh, well..."

"Oh, well that's okay." Jane said in a neutral voice. "I'd
love to meet her."

"She. Well, um...her and I...She doesn't know about...you." I was
still holding my breath and my voice was a hoarse whisper.

"So? You can tell her all about me tomorrow." Jane giggled, but it
made me nervous. "You can tell her how you thought about her while
you fucked me."

"I uh, could..." I laughed weakly, hoping she was joking. "I'd
rather sort of let her get used to the idea that me and you
are...friends though. First...I mean, and then uh, later....you know,
sorta tell her about the um, other stuff."

Jane laughed. "You want to pretend like I'm not your girlfriend?"

"Um, yeah." I winced and braced myself.

"Okay." Jane sounded like it was no big deal.

"Okay?" I blinked with disbelief.

"Okay. Yeah, you like her right? I told you before, it's up to you.
I'll do whatever you want me to, Ann." Jane said quietly. "If you
don't believe me, I guess here's your chance to find out, right?"

"Uh, yeah." Or it was Jane's chance to totally ruin my chances
with Julie. But I couldn't believe she was that devious, was she?
That would just be plain old fashioned mean.

"Good, so um, I'll skip out too and pick you up at your house after
school, okay?" Jane sounded happy and I really hoped she was.

"Sure, okay."

"What?" Jane giggled. "You sound like your sad or something."

"No, I'm not." I tried to sound a little more enthusiastic.
"I'm just tired I guess."

"Too tired to make me cum?" Jane whispered with a soft laugh.

"Huh?"

"Tell me what you're gonna do to me after I get my nipples
pierced." Jane sighed and I imagined her in bed, getting comfortable
for a little bedtime story.

So I spent the next hour sitting on the kitchen floor, rubbing my hard
little clit through my pajama bottoms and listening to Jane moan softly
as I told her one.


=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=


The end of chapter fourteen
rache696@yahoo.com

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