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Celestial Reviews 351 – December 23, 1999
Note: It's been a long time since I posted my Celestial List of Credulous
Assumptions. So here it is. {These are assumptions that seem to underlie many
stories posted in this newsgroup, but which are probably not true.}
1. It is usually possible for a woman to estimate the size of a man's fully
engorged cock by gazing at his crotch when he is unaroused and fully dressed
and over ten yards/meters away.
2. Without the use of scientific instruments men can easily estimate the
size of women's breasts from across the room, even if the woman is fully
dressed. {Actually, this is no big deal, since nearly all attractive women
have 38DD bust sizes anyway.}
3. The normal sequence of sexual experiences is first petting, then oral
sex, then anal sex, then vaginal sex - usually all on the same date.
4. The first boy to touch a girl's breasts will come in each of her three
orifices within the next hour.
5. Most women would intensely enjoy sexual contact with another woman, but
most men would not enjoy sexual contact with another man, even if cultural
biases were eliminated.
6. Children who have sex with their parents normally enjoy this activity and
grow up to be emotionally mature honor roll students who will contribute to
scientific research and to world peace.
7. Ditto for sex with older siblings, kindly neighbors, and random strangers.
8. When sons, daughters, little brothers, or little sisters ask questions
about sex, the best way to answer their questions is to show them, using
their bodies as part of the demonstration.
9. When a spouse or lover catches his/her partner having sex with someone
else, the typical response is to join in.
10. Women typically have multiple orgasms during every fulfilling sexuaeral
days in a row.
10 & 11a. Women and men that can do so are happier and better sex partners
than those who have fewer orgasms.
12. Kids can go blind if they masturbate too often. {Ooops. That one
belongs on a different newsgroup!}
13. Kids who do not masturbate at least daily are severely disturbed.
14. It is important to pop a person's cherry before she gets out of high
school {or gets into high school, has her first date, gets married, buys her
first car, etc.}
15. Women typically enjoy getting raped, once they get over their
inhibitions.
16. Men who force women to have sex with them are sexy.
17. People can be turned into sex slaves by college kids who read a chapter
in a psych book. {Either that or some of these stories are written by Psych
profs who are really desperate to motivate their students to read a chapter
in their text book.}
18. If you ever get turned into a sex slave, it will be the best thing that
ever happened to you.
19. The typical male ejaculation shoots at least 12 inches through the air
{unless the penis is inserted into a receptacle which will terminate this
expulsion. In this case the ejaculate lands with the impact of a speeding
bullet.}
20. Most women ejaculate at least a pint of luscious fluid during a really
enjoyable sexual experience.
21. Most people get turned on when their partner treats them with extreme
cruelty for the partner's own personal gratification.
22. Most black men have "monster cocks." These 12- to 14-inch penises will
thrill any pussy (or other aperture) lucky enough to receive one. Black
women, however, do not have "monster cunts," nor do they appear to be all
that interested in the genitalia of their black brethren. Hence the
reciprocal fondness between black men and white women, especially those known
as sluts.
23. The family that fucks together stays together.
24. It's more fun to have sexual intercourse when there's a genuine risk of
pregnancy. Offspring resulting from unprotected intercourse of minors tend
to be sexy honor students by the time they reach middle school.
25. Nuns {and English teachers, librarians, etc.} are really sexual dynamos.
26. Ain't nothing wrong with most frigid women that a riding crop won't cure.
27. Guys who go without underpants and have sex several times a day do not
develop a nasty rash.
28. Male doctors get their rocks off during physical examinations of female
patients. Female doctors have multiple orgasms whenever they examine a
beautiful person of either sex.
29. A girl will get her first orgasm from her first intercourse, usually
within minutes or even seconds after having her hymen torn.
30. Most young girls are looking for experienced men to train them in sexual
practices. They want to start but they don't know anything about it. When
they find these instructors, they will say things like, "Yes, eat my pussy
now!" {Which is a strange request from somebody that doesn't know anything
about sexual practices.}
31. Most women who find that their husbands want to loan them out to their
friends respond, "Sounds like fun."
32. Most boys who are forced to act the part of a girl find that they love
the role. Unless this happens for the first time in a penal institution
other than school.
33. Parents routinely leave their bedroom doors ajar when they intend to
have sex, and kids do so when they intend to masturbate, which they do
noisily above the bed sheets.
34. Nobody ever farts while making love. Especially not during anal
intercourse. And even if they do, its never one of those rancid ones that
linger on and on. And even if it is, the partner thinks it's sexy.
35. No one ever gets a cramp while making love. For that matter, no one ever
sneezes or has a nose so filled with snot that it's impossible to breathe,
much less give a blowjob.
36. The woman's vagina never makes that 'farting' noise due to trapped air in
there. If she does, this causes immediate orgasm in both partners.
37. Nobody ever forgets to wipe his/her ass prior to having it licked, which
is unfortunate, because most people absolutely love the taste of human feces.
38. The woman never says "Ouch! I wasn't ready! I'm too dry!" If she thinks
she wants to say these things, she instead says, "Fuck me harder!"
39. Men don't turn over and go to sleep immediately after sex.
40. Women don't fall asleep at the beginning of sex, when they feel so
comfortable and relaxed, and they can just let themselves go.... If they do
fall asleep, their partner regards this as a compliment.
Second note: After I posted a review that gave relatively low marks to a
vampire story, I noted some criticism of that review in a.s.s.d.
The author suggested that I didn't even read the story. The "evidence" was
that I didn't notice or mention several "obvious" details. My reply is that
when readers don't notice details, maybe the author should consider the
possibility that the details weren't presented very well or that they didn't
have the impression the author intended.
Another correspondent pointed out that I seem to have a tendency to give low
marks to vampire stories, whereas I usually give higher marks to transgender
stories. First let me reply by pointing out that I have given very high
ratings to "Intimate with the Vampire" by Rocket88, "Meeting Amanda" by
Backrub, and "Blood Prey" by Tooshoes. The main characteristic that
differentiates these three stories from run-of-the-mill vampire stories is
that they present the vampire sex in a context that makes sense to adult
human beings who have not taken the time to familiarize themselves with the
mythology of vampires. Many of the others come across as comic book endeavors
that appeal only to a group of insiders who think that vampires are kew-al.
I think the main reason I give higher ratings to TG stories than to vampire
stories is that I tend to select TG stories by only a few authors who send
them to me for review. Vickie Tern, Stephanie, and Estragon, for example, are
authors who work very hard at perfecting a story – making sure that the
entire plot hangs together and that the activities make sense once the reader
grants a few clearly-stated assumptions. My negative reactions to vampire
stories is usually based on the fact that I don't know what the hell they are
doing or why they are doing it.
I normally skip right past both vampire and TG stories, unless someone calls
them to my attention – as by making a specific request for a review.
Third note: The visiting nurse was acquainting herself with a new elderly
patient. The nurse asked, "How long has it been since you have you been
bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion , the woman answered, "Why not
for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
Third note: The word Casanova conjures up images of a charmingly amorous and
debonair hero, capable of seducing women at will. Little know is the little
fact that Casanova (who is mentioned in one of the reviews below) ended his
life as a <get this> librarian.
=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================
"Lit 101" Homer Vargas (Time Travel Sex) 10, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=547029690
"Adult Tech" by Jimmy Hat (innovative phone sex and real sex) 10, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=559268744
"Shocking Times" by Sven the Elder (swinging) 10, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=559117319
"Laura's Story" by Al Steiner (threesome) 10, 9.5, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558082110
"Laid Aloft" by David Shaw (slutty sex in high places) 10, 8, 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557391978
"A Voyeur's Wife" By Tonytony3 (wife watching) 10, 9, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558067595
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=559117307
"The Kissing Game" by Felix Phile (emerging adolescence) 10, 8, 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557501276
"Trust" by E.Z. Riter (contractual adultery) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=556359512
"A Six Pack of Hecate" by Katie McN (mostly humor) 10, 8, 6
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=556359512
"Sister Mary Margaret" by Katie McN (sex orgy humor) 9.5, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=553947088
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=553947093
"Dress Rehearsal" by Ann Douglas (romantic FF sex education) 9, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554115483
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554115491
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554115491
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554133822
"1999 Teen Cunnilingus Tournament" by Daphne Xu (oral orgy) 10, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554054610
"Lunchtime Confessions" by OneIdleHand (exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Le Chateau" by alf (firmament32@hotmail.com). Homer: 5, 4, 3
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558824565
"Alarms and Excursions" by Vickie Morgan (). Silenus: 6, 8, 5, 6
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=546983880
"The Great Jacko" by DrSpin (). Myers: NR
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=548716038
"Games" by Tonytony3 (). Myers:
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=561283859
=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================
"World Lit 101" Homer Vargas (Time Travel Sex) 10, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=547029690
One of the really nice trials of my life is that I have way too many good
stories to read. The author sent me this story well over a month ago, and I
put it in my in-basket and then kept putting other stories on top of it.
Fortunately, Homer reminded me that I had the story; and so I had the good
fortune of reading it this week.
This really is a good story, but it does require some insider knowledge for
maximum enjoyment. It's part of the fantasy train series, and interpreting
that information itself requires some inside knowledge that I won't go into
here. The short explanation is that the author takes a trip on a fantasy
train with six a.s.s. authors: Allison George, Miss Behavin', Virago Blue,
Maria, Bronwen, and Janey. {Other a.s.s. personages also make cameo
appearances.} The train travels in time, and the authors meet and interact
sexually with their personal inspirations from history – Chaucer,
Shakespeare, and their ilk. Incidentally, something that I personally learned
back when I was interacting more actively with Shakespeare or Chaucer or one
of those British folks is that "ilk" is a derivative of "like." I just
thought you should know.
The author does a good job with the literary allusions, the anachronisms, the
dei ex machinis, and other otiose details, as well as the sex.
Ratings for "World Lit 101"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Adult Tech" by Jimmy Hat (jimmy@jimmy-hat.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=559268744
On the surface, this story is about technical support for sex toys. The guy
goes to an adult emporium and buys a cock thingy. Since he can't get it to
fit properly, he calls the Tech Support; and the Tech Support lady offers him
some useful phone sex to help him install and try out his new toy. This
activity results in a skin irritation, but then another damsel from Tech
Support comes out and shaves him and helps with the reinstallation.
This was an extremely creative story. Sex toy and shaving stories often seem
very lame to me, but the rationale and background made this one much more
attractive. The only thing I didn't understand was what difference it made
that the guy was an FBI agent. It seemed that he was supposed to be
investigating something, but I never did quite figure out what that was.
Upon further reflection, I realized that the author has written several
stories about this same FBI agent. That specific role is irrelevant to this
story. He could just as easily be a bag boy or the leader of a major Western
nation.
Ratings for "Adult Tech"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Shocking Times" by Sven the Elder (sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=559117319
In my real life I once decided that it would be no fun at all to watch my
husband fuck a beautiful friend of mine while her husband gave me a wonderful
ride on his luscious cock. It was in a philosophy class in a Catholic college
that I came to that realization, and it was the answer that was required if
one expected a high grade on that paper.
More realistically and more recently, I have come to the realization that it
WOULD be a lot of fun – but it still sounds like a bad idea and I probably
won't ever do it. I don't think things work out as ideally in real life as
they do in fantasies; and I have been working at a good thing too long to
risk it in the vain hope that the grass really is greener if I'm lying on it
with a different sex partner.
But Sven makes a good case for polyamory or swinging or whatever you want to
call it in this story.
Anyway, this story is an excellent presentation of the fantasy.
Ratings for "Shocking Times"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Laura's Story" by Al Steiner (al_steiner@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558082110
This story is loosely related to the author's "It Happened One Night." The
previous story presented a threeway from the husband's point of viewpoint.
This story is from the wife's point of view, but it does much more than
repeat the same story from a different perspective. The real focus of this
story is on the wife's previous relationship with a different woman at a much
younger age. The author states that readers can enjoy the present story
without reading the former; and I can testify to the truth of that
allegation, since I have not read "IHON."
I have enjoyed some of this author's stories more than I enjoyed this one. I
think the action is just a little bit forced in this case. Nevertheless, it's
still a fine story.
This is another one of those stories that support my belief that almost
everybody "could" swing both ways. I am not saying that everybody "should"
engage in bisexual activities, and I won't repeat my sermon here. But I have
to admit that making it with a woman would be fun for me – even though I have
no intention of doing it; and I think most people would feel the same way, if
they could eliminate their biases and their acquired inhibitions. For
goodness' sake, at least dump the biases in your fantasies.
Anyway, this was another good story.
Ratings for "Laura's story"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Laid Aloft" by David Shaw (david@f-e-mail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557391978
The previous three stories had good plots plus hot sex. This one has a sort
of neat idea plus hot sex. The basic idea is that the woman gets
semi-kidnapped and taken by two construction workers to the top of a building
that is under construction. There they fuck her and make her like it, and she
rehashes a previous orgy while they have their way with her.
I think lots of people will like this story – primarily guys who think they
are God's gift to women and that women really need little more than a good
hard penis to make them happy.
I didn't hate this story – in fact I enjoyed the sexual descriptions and the
notion of a person retelling a previous sex experience while engaging in a
new one. But this is one is legitimately described as stroke material. As the
preceding stories suggest, it's possible to have both a well developed plot
and some good sex scenes. That's the kind of story I really enjoy.
Ratings for "Laid Aloft"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"A Voyeur's Wife" By Tonytony3 (tonytony3@juno.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558067595
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=559117307
The basic premise of this story is that the husband likes the idea of his
wife being with another man. At first she resists the notion, but then she
goes out and flirts and eventually seduces a stranger, who bangs her most
sweetly.
My main problem with this story is that it expresses several of my "credulous
assumptions" without a satisfactory explanation of why these assumptions
{which I reposted at the beginning of this Issue} might hold true. I DO
believe that it is possible that a couple might find it sexy to involve a
third person (as in several other stories reviewed in this Issue). I just
don't buy into the almost ritualistic way the husband and wife in this story
embrace the notion and discover that it is a fulfilling experience.
I think a person who already understood and accepted the fantasy that it
would be really great to have one's spouse get banged by someone else would
find this story a little too slow-moving, while the author deals with the
pangs of conscience and taboos that militate against this sort of affair. On
the other hand, non-aficionados are likely to be unconvinced that encourage
the wife to stray would actually strengthen a relationship.
On the whole, however, I think this is a plausible and good story – just not
a realistic and wonderful one.
Ratings for "A Voyeur's Wife"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"The Kissing Game" by Felix Phile ( felixphile@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557501276
The teenage boy camps out while he attends art school during the summer. He
meets some other kids, and they play a silly kissing game. However, one of
the girls is more interested than the other kids, and he experiments more
blissfully with her. Then they part.
I don't think I have seen other stories by this author. If this is a first
attempt, it's good. I would recommend that the author (1) focus on developing
more tension between the participants (e.g., a reason for doing things and
possible dangers that might be incurred) and (2) refraining from irrelevant
details that seem to have arisen as part of a more complex plot that was cast
aside (e.g., the sister's role in this story).
Ratings for "The Kissing Game"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Trust" by E.Z. Riter (ezriter@pdq.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=556359512
This story pursues the relatively familiar plot of a woman wanting to become
the mistress of someone other than her husband – but with lots of unusual
twists.
Basically, the woman wants to become the mistress of her powerful and wealthy
employer. He will be allowed to have sex with her whenever he wishes and to
loan her out to his friends, and she will bear three children for him over
the next six years. In return she and her family will receive lots of money.
But the real driving force for her is the sex – or maybe the sense of power
that comes with it.
The title refers to the fact that the husband will have to "trust" her if she
engages in this project and to the "trust" money that she will receive for
her participation.
As I said, the story has lots of twists beyond this basic plot, and I am not
going to try to explain them here. I found this to be a very creative story.
Ratings for "Trust"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character):10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Six Pack of Hecate" by Katie McN (katiemcn@my-deja.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=556359512
Katie and Hecate get together at Katie's place in Texas and have some raucous
FF sex. There's also a lot of humor – mostly inside humor, and I was on the
outside. The title line says this a parody, but I had a little trouble
figuring out what it was a parody of – sex stories, I guess.
Anyway, this is tongue-in-cheek sex. The author depends a lot on extensive
descriptions of what the protagonists are wearing, and I didn't find those
descriptions to be all that interesting. There were also a lot of fictitious
details about the beer production and fashion industries that went right past
me.
With all of the above working against this story, it must have done something
right for me to give it a "6" for appeal to reviewer!
Ratings for "A Six Pack of Hecate"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Sister Mary Margaret" by Katie McN (katiemcn@my-deja.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=553947088
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=553947093
Mom and Dad go away and leave Sister Mary Margaret in charge as chaperon of
seventy-five 13- and 14-year-old boys and girls. The main entertainment for
the evening is a hypnotist. Sister MM knows that hypnotists are all frauds;
and in order to expose him, she offers to let him try to hypnotize her. What
do you think is going to happen?
It's pretty juvenile sex humor, as the whole gang plays Bang the Nun slowly,
quickly, and every which way they can before shipping her off to Australia as
a sex slave. The author has a breezy style that makes the story a lot better
than I have made it sound above.
Ratings for "Sister Mary Margaret"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Dress Rehearsal" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=553947088
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554115483
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554115491
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554115491
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554133822
Amber Hall is an actress in a prime time television series. As is the custom
on American TV, the writers have decided to have the protagonist do a
girl/girl kiss during sweeps week, in order to enhance the show's ratings.
Unfortunately, Amber doesn't know how to kiss another woman in a way that
would bolster the ratings.
Enter Heather, the waitress at the diner, who happens to be skilled at the
very talent at which Amber is deficient. If you think there is going to be a
tutorial and that everything will cum out all right in the end, you're on the
right track.
As has often been the case in recent months, this is the best story Ann
Douglas has ever written. But dammit, Ann, fix the punctuation, so that I can
give you straight 10's! Failing that, somebody oughta contact Ann and offer
to fix it for her.
Ann's most frequent mistake is a relatively minor technical matter. She ends
declarative sentences within quotation marks with a period. She should use a
comma inside the quotation marks, and then put the period at the end of the
sentence that contains the quote. For example, the following sentence is
punctuated correctly:
"I've never had sex with a girl, but I've thought about it," Amber said, as
she draped her arms over Heather's shoulders.
Ann has a strong tendency to replace the comma after "it" with a period. This
is especially distressing to English teachers, librarians, actuaries, and
legal secretaries, whose lives are already fucked up badly enough without
adding the stress of dealing with extra periods in the middle of the erotic
stories they read when they sneak off to the restroom, where their students
or bosses watch them masturbate or urinate through holes that they have
drilled in the walls. There is a misplaced modifier in the preceding
sentence, but I am leaving it there for humorous effect – although some of
these people possibly do cause ocular discomfort to their students or bosses
by urinating through holes in the wall.
An interesting aspect of this story is that Ann brings her main characters to
Scarlett's Rose, a FF nightclub that has been the main topic of one of Ann's
stories and to which many of Ann's characters have come in her most recent
stories.
My favorite aspect of this story is the sexy way the author handles
interracial sex. She focuses on the personalities of the two lovers and on
the physical beauty of the blend of colors as their bodies melt together.
This part of the story is an excellent study in contrasts. I mention this
because most stories that are labeled "interracial" are something quite
different. For example, today I saw a story entitled "Dawn, The Nigger Bride
(M+F/incest/NC/Slut/Mind Control/Older Black Woman and Younger White boys,
etc, etc, etc.)." It's sometimes rash to make such decisions without reading
the story more completely than I did, but I suspect "Dawn" lacks some of the
interracial beauty and sensitivity found in the present story.
Ratings for "Dress Rehearsal"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"1998 Teen Cunnilingus Tournament" by Daphne Xu.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=554054610
When I started reading this story, I was afraid it was going to be a really
long waste of time. I mean – gimme a break – maybe 2000 words or so on a
cunnilingus orgy, but 22,000 words? No way.
Actually, it was a very good story. It wasn't one that I "couldn't put down"
– but that was because I hadn't had breakfast yet the day I read it.
Shuming Zhao, our protagonist, is a college student from China. Like most
Chinese women, she is studying computer science at a major American
university. She resents the stereotype that Oriental girls are generally known
to be lascivious temptresses of decent, wholesome, Christian men. She sets
out to dispel this myth in the best way she knows how – by entering the 1998
Teen Cunnilingus Tournament.
The author presents the Tournament as an authentic interscholastic event, in
which wholesome young men and women from the finest colleges in America cum
together competitively. Imagine that.
I am not going to try to make my review proportionate in length to that of
this story. Suffice it to say that the author's pseudo-serious style does an
excellent job of bringing us a spoof that is also sexy.
The story deals with the numerous practical problems that would occur if such
an event actually took place: where to have the tournament (I would have
preferred Alumni Hall), how students would feel about having great
cunnilingus with a partner never to be seen (because of the blindfolds), what
to do if one couple is going into double overtime when the next round
absolutely has to start now, how to handle the problems that arise when the
final round conflicts with church services, what to do if the partner with
whom you win the tournament is your little brother, etc.
Ratings for "1998 Teen Cunnilingus Tournament"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Lunchtime Confessions" by OneIdleHand (OneIdleHand@hotmail.com).
Hayley and Lori get together at lunch and talk about things. First it's
common interests, then it's sex, then it's sexual fantasies. They trade
notes, pictures, and videotapes. Eventually they get together with their
husbands and play strip poker.
This sort of plot can become really juvenile, but the author avoids this
pitfall by integrating some interesting ideas into the story line. For
example, when the gang gets together for fun, the guys have no idea how much
their spouses have already shared about themselves and their husbands. This
builds sexual tension very nicely.
Strip porker – er, poker – stories are often really lame. However, in this
case the author does an excellent job of maintaining sexual tension. It's not
quite in the category with Delta's "Strip Chess," but even being mentioned in
a paragraph with that story should be considered an honor.
Ratings for "Lunchtime Confessions"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Le Chateau" by alf (firmament32@hotmail.com).
Reviewed by Homer Vargas (Vargas111@yahoo.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558824565
I hope I don't spoil the story for anyone by telling you that the narrator
has a good meal, a blowjob, and a fine fuck all from Michelle, the waitress
at Le Chateau.
Considering how little plot the story has, I do not understand why the author
could not at least keep his verb tenses straight. But that wasn't the only
thing I could not understand. What was the double entrendre in "tres bon?"
Why was Michelle's room lit by a single candle? Couldn't she afford
Electricite de France? What ARE those "amazing PC [politically correct?]
muscles" that she squeezed with. Where did the author learn to write
dialogue like "oui... fuck me!!" Berlitz School of Poetry? Where did the
author learn anatomy to share gems like, "My cock goes deep into her throat.
Her esophagus milks my head as her tongue dances over the underside" and
"With that encouragement I drove my shaft deep into her and nudged her uterus
with the tip of my cock."
I believe this is called a "stroke" story. Usually this means that the
reader can keep one hand busy while tapping the down arrow with the other.
In this case, I think the author tried to the same trick while composing. I
hope it worked better for him than it will reader.
Athena 5
Venus 4
Homer 3
"Alarms and Excursions" by Vickie Morgan (artemis55@hotmail.com). Guest
review by Silenus.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=546983880
This is a story by an English person, written in fairly good English. My
antennae detect all kinds of genuineness here. There is a glossary explaining
difficult English slang like "knackered" and "York" (the latter being a very
small city in a very small country in the north-west corner of Europe): such
careful, apologetic didacticism is absolutely typical of the English and not
- so far as I know - of other, less post-Imperial English-speaking nations:
so I think we may take its English provenance as genuine. I hope charming,
too, as when the author explains "knackered" by reference to a knacker's yard
- all clear, now, to you chaps in Mysore, San Luis Obispo, Alice Springs?
Good, onward then.
The scenario is a hotel fire alarm: the guests, elderly in the main, are
being chivvied - gently clucking in their quiet, understated British
consternation, and hilarious, inelegant British night-clothes - out on to the
hotel lawn by unflappable, courteously officious hotel staff who clearly have
not the foggiest notion of what is happening, and who suddenly find
themselves on an impromptu stage before an involuntary and extremely
skeptical audience, required to act the part of stiff-upper-lip Captain of
the Titanic, and are just having to do the best they can. Their composure
becomes a little strained when they are upbraided by an angry and rather
splendid young woman who demands that blankets be produced to keep some of
the elderly guests warm. Ladies and gentlemen, I have been involved in
several typically British fire alarms and it is abundantly clear to me that
the author has too. Ten out of ten for genuineness here.
The story is told in the first person by a pleasant, slightly bland male who
is a fairly keen observer; reasonably enough, he soon finds the Splendid
Young Female a more than adequate object for his observational powers, both
because of her physical allure and her fiery temperament - nicely portrayed -
which he hopes bespeaks a passionate nature.
When, as is entirely customary among the English, the fire alarm proves to be
the result of malfunctioning equipment, the SYF discovers that her arousal,
at first because of fear, has transmuted into a tremendously un-English
lebensfreude - she is glad to be alive, and intends to celebrate that fact.
That she chooses our delighted narrator as her willing victim is a slight
improbability (repeated, I fear, in countless bedrooms up and down our
benighted land while the winds howl and the rains lash outside); the
improbability is ultimately explained, but I won't spoil the surprise here.
Suffice it to say that our narrator adores her with reverence, enthralled by
her beauty, delighted by her sensuality; his own climax is almost an
irrelevance, a little act of tribute. And then, after the sublime...
Oh my Gawd, two naughty children in the hotel grounds in the middle of an
English city struggling to get dressed and cover up the mess and get back to
being British again. Oh my Gawd...
In summary: the atmosphere is convincing, the male narrator bland, the female
protagonist much more alive and interesting - just right. And the male
narrator was damn lucky, if you ask me.
[So, you want scores - numbers, marks out of ten. Five is acceptable, six is
good, seven is promising, eight is impressive, nine has flair, ten is
beautiful.
Four is weak. Three is embarrassing. Two is infuriating. One is pitiable.
Zero is an insult.]
Use of English: 6.
Realism: 8.
Style: 5.
Eroticism: 6.
Appeal of the Author to the Reviewer: depends on her sex. If female: 9.
"The Great Jacko" by DrSpin (DrSpin_member@newsguy.com). Guest review by Dave
Myers.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=548716038
The tone of this one is really pretty odd. I guess if you're looking for a
very funny wife-cheating story then it's a good one. But it's so hard to take
it seriously that you wouldn't call it a crowning achievement or anything
like that. But you should read it if you're a fan of "naughty wife" stories.
The concept is that our dear Margie gets introduced to the Incredible Jacko.
The hype around this guy is built up in Stone Cold Steve Austin style (or at
least a style vaguely mocking that...), and he purports to be the Cassanova
to beat all others. A well-endowed hunk that makes all women melt and beg for
it.
In a lot of stories, you might have hubby giving permission for Margie to
play around, or something of that nature. In a way, hubby seems to be aware
of the possibility, given Jacko the Great's incredible history (which,
incidentally, is not well fleshed out). It would have been nice to know
exactly what makes Jacko's exploits SO great, and exactly how hubby even knows
this guy ... who is portrayed more as a movie star than an old friend. Oh
well.
But we don't have to worry much about hubby in this one; he gets laid up in a
car accident early on, and that takes care of that. Margie is free to be
free, for a while at least. Good thing she's conflicted about it, or there
wouldn't be much of a review to write. Jacko indeed does need to put the
moves on in order to get there. The part is nicely done, and Margie has an
excellent moment of resistance where she can't imagine that Jacko will really
want her. In a way, she is putting the moves on HIM, playing hard to get.
She's worried her breasts are too small.
Then things go off the deep end a little, as they finally get down to it.
There are extended running jokes through the whole tryst which liven things
up, and make it hard to take the whole thing too seriously. I'm going to
assume that the author is sort of making fun of himself and the whole genre.
Otherwise the story just seems pretty weak to stand on its own, to be honest.
Let me get on my soapbox for just a sec, tho...
Y'know I'm getting a little tired of the cliche where the husband or the wife
is conveniently swept out of the picture by a car accident, death, or
business travel. Surely we have other means of dealing with the spouse than
this. I really wouldn't care that much expect for the fact that more often
than not the stories veer immediately toward activities that the offed
characters would have disapproved of. Now in some stories this is actually
THE POINT. And in that case, great... I expect that real emotions, conflicts,
and motives will be discussed so we can understand the characters. But doing
it out of a matter of convenience, to sweep someone under the rug says a lot
about us... And this story had a way of doing it that was almost
mean-spirited - EVEN THOUGH we never get to know the hubby well enough to
even find out if he's not satisfying Margie or not. OK, enough ranting.
Basic rundown: thumbs up for laughs, not bad for sex, but not over the top eit
her. The seduction sequence was well done.
"Games" by Tonytony3 (tonytony3@juno.com). Guest review by Dave Myers.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=561283859
[Side note: I was glad to get this story from Celeste for a guest review
because I had actually read it already and liked it!] I highly encourage you
to read this story. It will appeal to both sexes and is well written.
First let me say that tonytony3's stories have been getting better and better
over time. With this entry, I would say he's near the top of the game with
his craft (which is generally of the "MMF wife sharing" brand).
The premise has been revisited by many authors: roleplaying a hooker fantasy
with the wife, in hopes of getting her to be more slutty. Here we get a
series of "hooker" encounters between a man and his wife that continually
escalate in intensity. The ante is ratcheted up each time with just the right
amount of volume, and all the details are added in just the right places to
make it stick together.
Personally, I think the hooker fantasy is a pretty hard one to work with
because it means the author has to delicately balance the line between the
wife's "good girl" side and the hooker's "bad girl" side. That is not an easy
line to dance for a lot of writers. It is pretty easy to slip towards
something unrealistic, or even unreadable.
In this text, there are funny points, intermediate highs and lows, moments of
disconcertedness, doubt, danger, pain, etc. I really wasn't expecting
something this good... Bravo.
<end>
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