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Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 261 - Feb 25
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Celestial Reviews 261 - February 25, 1998
Note: A man is driving home late one night and is feeling very horny, as he
is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander. He thinks to himself,
you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there is no one around here
for miles. He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy
looking pumpkin, cuts the appropriate size hole in it, and begins to screw the
pumpkin. After a while he is really into it, and doesn't notice the police
car pulling up. The cop walks over and says, "Excuse me sir, but do you
realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?" The man looks at the cop in
complete horror, thinks fast and says, "A pumpkin? Is it midnight already?"
Second note: I have never written a scat story before. Here goes:
Joe is having the guys over to watch a football game. During the first half
Joe's sexy wife appears in the hall and gestures alluringly to Sam, who is
sitting at the end of the couch. Same leans over to talk to her and motions
for her to come closer. She seductively signals that he should bring his face
close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress Sam's beard,
which is full and bushy.
"Could you get my husband for me?" she asks, softly stroking Sam's face with
both hands.
"No," smirks Sam, " You'll just have to deal with me."
"Please get him for me - I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands
up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"Baby, we share at football parties," Sam replies. "Is there anything I can
do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily,
popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them
gently. "Tell him we're out of toilet paper again."
Third note: Since Eli is having trouble with his archive site, we are posting
DejaNews Links for the current stories. In cases where there is an Eli Link,
we are giving that as well.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Beach Balls" by Artie (delightful romance) 10, 10, 10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327659966
"An Eye Full" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com)
10, 9, 9
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327049872
"The Substitute" by Losgud (sister-in-law sex) 10, 10, 10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327038860
"The Truth of Well-Known Sayings" by Bronwen (romance)
10, 10, 10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328591247
"Locksmiths" by Uther Pendragon (firtst times) 10, 10, 10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=326804400
"The Back Rub" by G Smith (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327664711
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327664719
"Chocolate Cock" by Unknown Author (chocolate sex) 9, 8, 8
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327500826
"Xena and Gabrielle" by Unknown Author (superhero sex)
8, 7, 7
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327038891
Guest Reviews:
"Ladies in Heat" by A Pulp Fan (crime-fighting ff sex)
10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8410.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8411.txt
==Dejanews Links==
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324605802
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324605792
"In Our Tenth Year On The Yellow Brick Road" by Jordan
Shelbourne (movie parody) 10, 9, 8
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327038992.1
"Jake & Jack" by Rhett Dreams (blackmail, etc) 7, 8, 8
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323903719
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323919789
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323914287
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324480577
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323908801
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323908807
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324480583
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323903726
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323914292
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323914298
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323908820
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323903707
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323914305
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323919775
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323903712
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323908825
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323908814
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323919782
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323914312
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323914319
"The Conspiracy" by Lord Malinov (romance with twists)
8, 9, 10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327655093
"The Starry Night" by Nick (heavy allegories) 10, 10, 4/10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426344
"Lily Meets Rojo" by Senor Rojo (quickie) 7, 7, 8
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325600930
"Cruising Cunts" by Jennifer O'Donald (debauchery) 10, 10, 10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327509172
"Valentine Jill" by Brother Cadfael (romance) 7, 8, 7
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325300122
Reposted Reviews:
* "Igrayne" by Uther Pendragon (knightly sex) 9, 8, 8
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327438217
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327705303
* "Art Museum" by TRANE and Wildfire Paradise (sex in
near-public) 8, 6, 7
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327409393
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327409409
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Beach Balls" by Artie (artie@netgate.net). This story is fraught with
ambiguity. Here's the first paragraph:
"I love playing with my balls on the beach. I can do it for hours on end. I
love the way they feel in my hands, the way they seemingly move on their own
as the sea breeze hits them. I don't like getting sand on them, but you learn
to be careful. It's a wonderful feeling; after a few minutes I know I'm
smiling, I'm relaxed, it's great. Some people give me strange looks as they
pass by, but I don't care. It feels good. And there are some moments of sheer
ecstasy -- like when I have all five in the air at once."
Only at the end of the paragraph do we realize to our disappointment or
amusement that the narrator purports to be a juggler.
And so, what are we to make of it when the girl says, "I love the way your
butt wiggles when you do that."
>From all appearances, she could be a juggler too. You'll have to ponder that
one.
Turns out she's an English teacher and he's a psych prof - USC and Stanford,
respectively. So at least we know they'll be discreet, as opposed to
discrete.
Pretty soon he's teaching her how to play with his balls. She's a klutz, but
she has a sort of war talent - I mean raw talent - sometimes I get dyslexic
when I get turned on..
I learned things from this story that I hadn't known before. For example, a
juggler's wand can interfere with his jugglery, and I didn't even know there
was such a word. I think it has something to do with movement in one's center
of gravity or maybe displaced attention. It's just hard, I guess.
I also learned that when a male juggler teaches a female juggler to jugg, it's
not all bad if she drops one now and then - has something to do with optics or
geometry. That plus hardening of nipples.
This is a really excellent story!
Ratings for "Beach Balls"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"An Eye Full" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). Gary is masturbating
while peeking at his coworker Maureen, while she changes clothes in the
women's restroom. Then he gets caught - _flagrante delecto_, as the last
Malinov story I read put it. This time the person who catches him does NOT
just join the fun.
Ratings for "An Eye Full"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Substitute" by Losgud (losgud@hotmail.com). Wayne and Barbara are
visiting her Mom and her family. Barbara leaves Wayne alone with Anne
overnight, and Wayne learns some interesting things about his sister-in-law.
As a character in this story says about the author: " . . . his stories are
far from perfect, but in a way they're entirely perfect. _Terribly_ funny,
these densely woven plots, you read along . . . and then with a sudden jerk
you find yourself immersed in these full-throttle sex scenes . . . "
The sex and the sexual innuendo are both really pretty hot. This is a very
good story.
Ratings for "The Substitute"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Truth of Well-Known Sayings" by Bronwen (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com). At
first glance this story seems somber: the husband has just found out that his
brother is dying in middle age. The wife comforts the husband and verifies
the truth of the adage, "A good fuck is the best response to bad news." I
don't know who first said that - I doubt that it's in the Bible or in Ben
Franklin; but I've often found it to be true, especially if the good fuck is
with someone you really love.
I doubt that this story will lead you to a mind-blowing orgasm. As the well-
know saying goes, "Sorry about that."
Ratings for "The Truth of Well-Known Sayings"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Locksmiths" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Set in the context of
Valentine's day, this story can most simply be described as a description of
several firsts - her first time, his first time, their first time with each
other - plus a few other first times. As I have come to expect from this
author, the story is both sensitive and sexy - again demonstrating that
normal, moral people with consciences can actually have happy, romantic sex
lives. The preceding statement is ironic, but you'll have to read the story
to find out why.
The author tries an interesting technique. During important sexual scenes, he
views the action and emotions from the perspective of both participants. He
accomplishes this by arranging the story at those points in two columns: one
showing HIS perspective and the other HERS. This would work a lot better if
the story were disseminated in a word-processor format (like Microsoft Word)
that permitted the use of columns or tables. As it is, the text comes jumbled
(with a half-line of each perspective on each text line), so that it is
difficult to read these important portions of the story. I got around this
problem by inserting tab keys at appropriate places. The result was a
slightly jagged left margin for the right column (since I didn't put tabs in
every line), but I was easily able to read both columns correctly. It seems
likely that there is a better solution - perhaps knowing what font and size
type the author used would enable readers to set their screen to the same size
and font.
The irony in this story is that the teenage daughter feels oppressed by her
"unromantic" parents, who seem intent on only one thing: preventing her from
having any fun, especially fun that involves sex. In reality, the parents are
aware of the daughter's emerging sexuality: in fact, they have "been there"
themselves. Like many parents, they simply want their daughter eventually to
have a happy rather than an exploited sex life when she is eventually ready
for it.
Overall, this is one of the best stories by an author who writes a lot of very
good stories. I know I say that often, but I think it's true every time I say
it.
Ratings for "Locksmiths"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Back Rub" by G Smith (gsmith@hotmail.com). This story consists of a
little over 8000 words about a back rub. Well , not just a back rub - also a
front rub, a clit massage, and a few other forms of foreplay leading up to
full vaginal penetration. But it starts out as a back rub from one coworker
to another.
It seems that Marty has left G a voice-mail message, indicating that she has
had a rough day. G decides to drop by and give Marty a back rub. He does so
very nicely, and one thing leads to another, and they discover that they have
both been hot for each other for a while. Now they are even hotter.
The author says this is his first story. I hope his second story is equally
good.
Ratings for "The Back Rub"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Chocolate Cock" by Unknown Author (posted by Avril - avrilc@usa.net). This
is an appetizing - if non-nutritious - story. The woman coats her husband's
private parts with chocolate and then treats him pretty much like an ice-cream
sundae - to his own enjoyment as well as her own. This story lacks full plot
development, but it's still a very nice fantasy.
Ratings for "Chocolate Cock"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Xena and Gabrielle" by Unknown Author (posted by Bart -
bart@mail.cabc.cba.com). Xena and Gabrielle are doing their military training
in the forest. They become hot for each other and play their furry fiddles
together. This is kind of interesting - it contains authentic-looking Greek
allusions and we can visualize the actresses from TV in these roles; but
methinks this plot has been used before.
Ratings for "Xena and Gabrielle"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Ladies in Heat" by A Pulp Fan (pulpfan@anon.nymserver.com). Guest review by
Anne747 (Anon747@aol.com).
A well-written story about an afternoon between two women. It sounds simple,
and in a way it is. Rosabel and Nellie, left alone to kill an afternoon,
decide to play cards. A couple of hands, some very intimate conversations and
stories, a little wine... well okay, it's obvious, but it really doesn't
matter.
The only criticisms are minor, and do not detract from the story. The
introduction does tend to introduce the whole 'crime-fighting team', but the
story really only deals with the two women. The scene really could be set
anywhere, with any characters. The information is almost extraneous. I said
almost, it's not a glaring problem. I suppose it is a fan-fic piece for
people who enjoyed "The Avenger"; so it would be a plus for those who are
familiar is that the characters are familiar (and extra, it works without
knowing the series).
The time period is vague, although in the intro references to the 40s is made.
I went and looked it up when I first read the piece (usually I put them aside
and read a second time before writing the review).... Another World is in its
42nd season - that would place the story in the mid-50s. I know, someone is
saying who cares? Just that when I read it I started thinking... wow, has it
been on for 50 years? I couldn't figure out exactly when air conditioning was
invented (or worked on), but I'll give the author that one, since major crime
fighting organizations have always had access to 'neat' techie things.
Good story, well worth the read.
Ratings for "Ladies in Heat"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 10
"In Our Tenth Year On The Yellow Brick Road" by Jordan Shelbourne
(jordan@u36.com). Guest review by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com). Jordan's
archive is at http://www.u36.com/jordan/front.html.
I guess this would fall under the category of fan-fiction since it asks the
question what would happen if Dorothy and her three companions took ten years
to get to the emerald city. Why Dorothy would grow up to be a woman with
needs and desires and three rather odd companions. Those companions, of
course, are the cowardly lion, the tin-man without a heart (but with a tin
phallus they didn't show in the movie version) and the straw man.
I'll admit there was a part of me that screamed out against liking this story,
simply because it went against my images and conceptions of the characters.
The author however writes extraordinarily well, and so it was easy enough to
follow the story. There's no hard hitting sex here, and very little in the
way of excitement. The straw man narrates the story as Dorothy satisfies
herself first with the lion and then the tin man.
The twist that makes this worthwhile is the straw man (perpetually soft) and
his desire to be with Dorothy as his companions are. Again I review an
unrequited love story from Jordan, but because of the fan-fiction and fantasy
aspects, it isn't quite as appealing. This is however one of the more unique
stories you're likely to find floating around on the net and it's probably
worth reading for just that reason.
Ratings for "In Our Tenth Year On The Yellow Brick Road"
Athena (technical quality): 10 -- Top notch.
Venus (plot & character): 9 -- An interesting idea.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 8 -- You might want to take a look.
"Jake & Jack" by Rhett Dreams (repost, no address available). Guest review by
Fiddler.
"Start with an earthquake," the Hollywood advice goes, "and work up." Rhett
Dreams does that. Jake and Jack (O'Leary) are twin sons of a widowed police
lieutenant. Jake is the narrator. They photograph their sister Cathy in the
nude and also taking drugs. They blackmail her into having both oral and
vaginal sex with them. This is chapter 1 of a 20-chapter book, and I ended it
puzzled by what the author could do to keep the action escalating.
Soon, however, the action moves to Jake's new girlfriend, Sophie Patterson,
and her family. They engage in as many M-F and F-F combinations as Jake,
father, mother, boy, and two girls can manage, including anal and D/S. In one
sense this is a standard "let's see how many taboos we can break" story.
And yet: a decent amount of effort is put into developing some of the
characters; the entire discussion of rehabbing an old house and the
relationships within the police department are more fully developed than usual
in this sort of story; the black family, if brought in from left field late
in the book, is handled with realism and without any shock attempts; Jake and
Sophie have some dates before they fall into bed.
On the other hand: the language is pedestrian when it is not simply wrong;
Cathy treats her brothers like shit before they blackmail her, and kindly ever
after; Sophie goes out on her first date at sixteen, is deflowered a month
later, and starts fellatio and D/S the same night; she has her hymen several
inches up her vagina; the two Patterson adults have totally pedestrian sex
for 16 years before they are turned on to kinkiness, and then both embrace all
forms of kinkiness immediately; except for a bit of token resistance to
incest from Cathy, nobody suggests any sort of sex without the other party's
enthusiastic agreement; the author mixes up Bob and Bill and, incredibly,
Jack and Jake.
If you want a standard "every prick in every hole" story, you'll get it and
more. If you want a story of believable people, you'll just miss.
Ratings for "Jake and Jack"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 8
Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 8
"The Conspiracy" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). Guest review by
Fiddler.
Lord Malinov has been writing a story every day for two months now. The only
way for these to be reviewed is for seven guest reviewers to take a day of the
week each. I'll take Saturdays.
This is not really a story, it is the draft of a story. It would benefit from
a week in the compost barrel and a proof reader. That said, it is the draft
of one fine story, and a real one, 13K. Part of the game seems to be that
Malinov writes them and posts them the same day; he apparently uses a
spellchecker, but not the sort of human proofreader who would say, "you mean
'up TO here,' not 'up THE here.'"
Mark and Jennifer are former lovers and present friends. Jennifer has the
hots for Phil, a friend of Alicia's who doesn't see Jennifer as sexy. So
Alicia brings Phil out on the balcony a slightly-open glass door away from
Jennifer's bedroom. In that bedroom, by prearrangement, Mark and Jennifer are
staging a very sexy reunion. That's the plot; since it's by Malinov, there
are subplots and counterplots.
If you are looking for a sexy story, you could do a lot worse. If you enjoy
Malinov's sort of tight-rope act, you couldn't do better.
Ratings for "The Conspiracy"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 10
"The Starry Night" by Nick. Guest review by BillyG.
Celeste's reviews are of stories which are, for the most part, submitted by
authors from A.S.S.M. Largely sex stories, if not sensuous stories. After
reading "The Starry Night," I wondered, 'What's a nice girl like you doing in
a place like this?'
Nick's offering, which takes its name from a Vincent Van Gogh painting, is not
sensuous and not even close to being sexy. In fact, it has almost nothing to
do with anything erotic. Oh, there are dark allusions to unnamed and
frightening practices, presumably sexual in nature, for one of the central
figures is a very expensive Oriental prostitute who has been hired for an
afternoon of . . . well, we never really know. Other things happened, more
compelling with allegorical currents that left me a bit bemused and with the
feeling that something deeper and quite significant was happening just below
the surface and out of my sight.
The protagonist is a hard man who believes in very little outside himself,
whose means always justify his ends, and who holds closely the right of force
and the power of money. His dark and harsh nature are given expression when he
hires a very expensive prostitute for uncertain and presumably dangerous acts
- only later to discover the Oriental woman has an exceptional deep talent for
art, thus his reference to Van Gogh's "The Starry Night."
I'll avoid discussing the remainder of the story, for I think it must be
viewed first hand to fully experience the feeling of despair and
incomprehensible depression.
The tale is neither light-hearted nor sexy. Rather, it's one of symbolic
representation, a story of largely hidden abstract ideas, perhaps meaningful
in some parallel deeper sense.
My reactions to the story are mixed. It's well crafted and technically almost
flawless. It's tense and moving to be sure. Yet, when it was over, I thought
of Peggy Lee. "Is that all there is?"
Ratings for "The Starry Night"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 4 as a sex story and 10 as a compelling
tale.
"Lily Meets Rojo" by Senor Rojo (senor_rojo@Bigfoot.com). Guest review by
Kim. The author's stories are archived at
ftp://ftp.asstr.ml.org/pub/Authors/sr_rojo/index.html.
Hey, a short story to review for a change. Lily, a young Chinese woman, meets
Juan Rojo in an elevator after a hard day's work at COMDEX. A quick exchange
of pleasantries and wham, they're back in Lily's hotel room getting much
better acquainted. A bout of oral sex later and they're both fast asleep.
And, erm, that's it!
Senor Rojo has a pretty odd way with words, it has to be said, veering from
fascinating to tortuous. I get the feeling that English is not his first
language. As such it's pretty damn good. A whole lot better than my Japanese
is anyway.
But for all that, there are quite a few typos, and grammatical mistakes, or
just plain odd phrasing. None of which bothered me unduly, as it's such a
short piece. I'd be a lot more pained had the story been a long one. Plot-wise
it's virtually non-existent. But again, in such a short piece it's near
impossible to establish one of any meaning.
An interesting story then, but maybe not for all the reasons the author
intended.
Comments on this review to Ghost@nym.alias.net
Ratings for "Lily Meets Rojo"
Athena (technical quality): 7 (Fascinating, but wayward)
Venus (plot & character): 7 (Nearly impossible to do much, in so
short a space)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 8 (I kinda liked it, but maybe for the
wrong reasons)
"Cruising Cunts" by Jennifer O'Donald (reposted by Avril - avrilc@usa.net).
Guest review by Father Angelico.
{Father Angelico purports to have a cable TV show on the Internal Word
Television Network. The IWTN appears to be nonsensical, and should probably
not be viewed by people who are easily beguiled by lunatics.}
This is a story about perverts - vile, wicked, depraved, degenerate perverts.
As the author herself says, "Only a sick, perverted woman could actually want
to go down on another woman." And that's what this woman does with an evil
and ugly biker bitch. Repeatedly.
This sinner raises the question, " Could anything that felt so wonderful be
wrong?" The answer is yes! As a matter of fact, almost EVERYTHING that feels
so wonderful is wrong!
No well-dressed, sexy young lady like this should "flash her muff at a total
stranger outside a coliseum and boldly take the guy's hand and lead him to the
parking lot." This could be misconstrued as an invitation to engage in
debauchery! "Never been turned down, indeed!" Come to me, and I'll turn thee
down! I'll turn thee over my knee and spank thy little ass!
I make haste to point out that the purpose of semen is to implant progeny in
the womb of mothers - certainly not to be consumed for liquid nourishment,
especially from the chalice of a lesbian accumulatrix.
This Jezebel is so evil that she even lies about penile immensity in order to
arouse a potential partner.
This was a despicable story!
Ratings for "Cruising Cunts"
{Note from Celeste: simply subtract the padre's scores from 10, and you'll get
a reasonable approximation of Venus and Celeste.}
Grammar (technical quality): 10 (Even the devil can do good
grammar!
Purity (plot & character): 0 (These are depraved people!)
Holiness (appeal to reviewer): 0 (Woe unto thee....!)
"Valentine Jill" by Brother Cadfael (Brother_Cadfael@earthcorp.com). Guest
review by Mark Aster.
OK, so here I am sitting by the fire with the cat, women and children all
tucked into beds, thinking deep literary thoughts about erotica. How much
does the writing-stuff, the stuff about grammar and composition and narrative
logic and flow, matter. Compared, say, to the sex and romance?
"Valentine Jill", by Brother Cadfael, is a well-conceived soft and romantic
story of two people who have been friends but never met, finally getting
together and finding that their distant love catches afire quite nicely in
proximity, and they make love. The sex is pretty hot, but tenderly and
emotionally described.
On the other hand, I have qualms about the literary stuff. I'd like this to
be a first draft. There are "it's"s that should be "its", and a "lightening"
that should be "lightning". There is a corset that she's apparently wearing
OVER her dress, if the order of shedding is to be believed (aren't corsets
obsolete UNDERclothing? Perhaps I'm just out of touch). There's the
unexplained fact that they've been carrying out a courtship with the phone and
letters, and never met in person (how do you meet someone on the phone? I
need an explanation there), but he knows that her skin is soft (has she sent
him photos in which it just looks soft?). He checks into a hotel and goes to
sleep, and she shows up less than an hour later. If he was expecting her, why
did he go to sleep? If he wasn't expecting her, why wasn't he at all
surprised when she showed up?
I could go on a bit (and I probably will). The basic idea seems to be to
build up tension by having them initially a bit shy or virginal with each
other, but in fact what happens is they kiss a little, she undoes his pants,
they fall onto the bed, she spreads her legs, they fuck. Then some light B&D.
But all described in a very tender and emotional way that doesn't quite fit
the action that's occurring. And some sentences need work; I will be cruel
and single out "Her lips quickly shed the soft white clothing of a delicate
virgin and took to his mouth with an urgency" and "He threw another thorn at
the prospect of his feelings and banished them for availing themselves so
soon." Both are too showy and complex; nearly incomprehensible.
But it's basically a good story. Simplify the sentences, decide how slow and
romantic the sex and the wording should be and make them agree, get the hyphen
out of "make-love" and decapitalize "Vanilla", think about corsets and hotels,
and I'd like the result a lot.
So what numbers should I give this? I hate numbers. I hope these do not
offend anyone! If the author wants vengeance, he can ask me for a personal
and detailed line-by-line critique, as though we were in a Writer's Circle,
and I will provide it upon request...
Athena: 7 (typos, inconsistencies, odd usages)
Venus: 8 (potentially strong plot and character, needs cleaning up)
Mark: 7 (I was, cat notwithstanding, too distracted by the literary
stuff)
* "Igrayne" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). This author writes under
the pseudonym of the father of King Arthur. It was Uther Pendragon - not his
son Arthur - who established the Round Table on Merlyn's advice. Uther later
found his true heir (Arthur) through the ole sword-in-the-stone test. In this
story, Uther is perceived through Merlyn's sorcery by the defenders of the
castle to be the their Duke. And as the Duke he gets to make love to the
duchess (the eventual mother of King Arthur), which indeed he does in
excruciating detail. It's good to have a sorcerer on your side; in this case
Merlyn even supplied Uther with an herb that had an enchantment against
morning breath. Imagine that.
Through the use of descriptive language and metaphors the story attempts to
create an atmosphere that makes the age of chivalry come alive. That approach
worked; but I personally found the descriptions of sexual activity to be TOO
detailed - almost tedious. I found myself thinking something like, "Alright,
already! Fuck her and get on with your life!"
Ratings for "Igrayne"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Art Museum" by Trane and Wildfire Paradise (Repost from who@why.not). {This
is a repost of a review from my very first issue of CR.} The interesting
thing about this story is that it was coauthored by two people over the
Throbnet BBS. As near as I can figure, the two authors have never actually
met in person. The story's format consists of several reciprocal e-mail
transmissions among the authors, in which each message builds upon the story
as it has been set up by the preceding message. In these messages the authors
evolve a story about two people making love in a limousine on a ferry boat on
the way home from the Seattle Art Museum. At times the authors seem to want
to coordinate their efforts; and at other times they seem determined to throw
a curve ball to the other by changing the situation abruptly to see what the
other will do next. It's an interesting format, and it results in a sexy
story. On the negative side, I think the authors followed the sex story
formulas a little too closely - getting in one and only one of every position
and every term for a pussy or cock. In addition, although I liked the give-
and-take atmosphere, it would have been possible to do some editing at the end
of the joint project to coordinate things just a little better. Finally, if
they're going to call the story "Art Museum" instead of "Ferry Ride," it would
have been nice to bring art into the story a little more. All in all,
however, this was a pretty good story.
Ratings "Art Museum"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
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