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Celeste's Top 100 Stories of 1997
Original Reviews in Alphabetical Order (E-L)
"Encounter at Green's Rock" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com). The woman
has decided to visit the island area in Maine that she used to haunt with her
cousins during her childhood. She comes upon a teenage boy masturbating; and
after watching him, she makes tender love to him. This main event is
surrounded by numerous reflections on her own sexual development. This is a
well-written, sensitive, erotic story.
"Encounter in Kellen County" by Fred Clarke (THC repost). The boy's family
has moved to a remote Amish community, and he figures he's in for some dry
days. But then he meets Sarah, a liberal girl who doesn't subscribe to quite
all the Amish customs. They have some great times together before he goes
away to college. I know I have promised to defend nuns and the Amish in my
reviews, but this girl seems healthy and requires no defense. It was a sexy
story.
"The End of the Innocence" by David L. (dhl@sysun.com). Hmmm.... Two guys are
in an adult bookstore in Key West, checking out the quarter movie slots. They
encounter an attractive young woman who wants a movie about two guys doing it
together. They try to help her, but they can find no such movie. Hmmm...
Where is this story going? Two guys who want to get into the girl's panties.
A girl looking to get turned on by watching two guys have sex. Hmmm.....
This could be the basis for a slam-bang quickie; but this story goes well
beyond that sort of thing.
First, we have an ethical dilemma. Our narrator has never even considered sex
with Jerry or any other man, even though the thought doesn't repel him. Horny
as he is, his libido really is directed only towards females. He vaguely
believes that "sex is really just giving and receiving pleasure", but this is
a statement he would like to believe but has never really tested. And then
there's the prospect of pleasing Laura. Will Jerry suck his cock? Will Jerry
want him to suck his? Will they fondle each other? Hmmm, indeed....
The three partners do it in every possible combination; and that's more ways
than you might initially think, since each participant has several apertures
and more than one instrument can be inserted into each. Holy cow! They even
talk and play cards while doing it. And the author manages to make it sound
sexy all the way through the four evenings the three spend together.
And while you read this story, you can learn important things about Life.
For example, here's what it takes to pick up girls easily and quickly: the guy
should exude a sense of being able to be trusted, and yet body language and
tone of voice and general calmness that promises sweet things if the lady is
so inclined. Either that or the ability to undress the woman with your eyes, I
suppose.
In addition, here's a brief discourse on aesthetics: "Too many woman believe
themselves to be ugly or just ordinary if they don't qualify as the perfect
centerfold model. Laura probably didn't think of herself as exceptionally
attractive. But this isn't true -- I've tried to tell so many women I know
how beautiful and sexy they really are, even without being perfect, but the
words somehow can't even begin to convey the full truth of it. The female
body is a poem to a heterosexual man, and in the words of the philosopher
whose name I can't remember, it "proves the existence of God.'" Actually,
that wasn't a philosopher: I think it was Dirty Harry.
This is an excellent story. I recommend it highly and hope to see more
stories from this author.
"Excluded Middle" by Plainman (phone orgy & first time). Princess needs a hot
cock, and lacking that she wants to have phone sex with her brother and her
sister-in-law. In that context they decide to supply the missing part to
Uther Pendragon's "April's First," which I reviewed in CR 170.
It's an interesting set-up. If readers have read "April's First" {if they
haven't, they should find the story and read it}, they will know Brian and
April; and if they've read other Pendragon stories, they'll know something
about that author's overall style and the value system he tends to infuse into
his stories. In addition, if readers have read other Plainman stories,
they'll know about Princess, Dave, Judy and the others who are mentioned in
the narrative. What the author (Plainman) does in the present story is mix
information from all these sources together in order to blend together at
least two (and sometimes more) very sexy stories.
I'll give this story two thumbs up!
"For Effort" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.cs.du.edu). The normal thing to
do with mothers and mothers-in-law in stories on this newsgroup is to ignore
them or to have sex with them. Jeanette has the Mother from Hell. In this
story she calls her mother to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. The conversation
is very well written, full of ordinary words and sentences that normal people
exchange every day. Within just a few seconds I didn't like Jeanette's mother
at all.
When we celebrate Mother's Day we often fail to think about how painful that
holiday can be to a woman whose own mother is a bitch and who wants to become
a mother herself but has been unsuccessful. Bob recognizes Jeanette's
difficulty and is very supportive.
I suppose this story could be understood and enjoyed in stand-alone isolation,
but then you would miss the fun of fitting this story in with the entire saga
of Bob and Jeanette Brennan. These are two normal people who are struggling
to make ends meet while they are growing into a loving couple in the early
years of their marriage. If you haven't read all the stories, check Dejanews
(www.dejanews.com) under "alt.sex.stories Pendragon" to find what you have
missed.
The actual proportion of text devoted to hot sex in this episode is relatively
small, but I found this to be a very sexy chapter in the lives of this couple.
"For Her" by Unknown Author (THC Archives). This was reposted as "Looker 1"
by the THC Archives. It's not a full story - just a brief interlude about two
people in love, fucking each other's brains out. It's extremely hot and well
written - kind of like Dulcinea in heat. If anyone knows anything about the
identity of this author, I would certainly like to hear from you. There's
also a "Looker 2 (Night Breezes )" and "Looker 3 (Role Reversal)," which I
plan to review soon.
"Forays" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). A foray (which can be
correctly pronounced three different ways), is defined as (1) a sudden raid or
military advance, or (2) a venture or an initial attempt, especially outside
one's usual area. This story takes the second definition into the arena of
romantic post-partum sex.
My main problem in reviewing the Bob and Jeanette Brennan saga is that their
fictional life is so close to my own real life. In the present episode, I can
very closely relate to the sensations of returning to a sort of renewed
normalcy after the birth of a child. Like Jeanette, I have gone through that
experience in collaboration with an intellectual but supportive husband, with
a church community as an important part of my life, and with a renewed
confidence in myself as a lover and as a person. Like Jeanette, I started my
marital alliance with the clear perception that my husband was the sexual
expert in our relationship, but I soon developed an awareness that I was
pretty good at it myself. Like Jeanette, I enjoyed the mixture and even the
confusion of feelings related to the baby and to my sexual relationship with
my husband. The main difference between myself and Jeanette is that she
speaks French a lot better than I do. I'm going to file a copyright
infringement lawsuit if Jeanette starts writing reviews for a salacious
newsgroup.
So while I find it difficult to be objective about this new installment in the
Bob and Jeanette saga, I find it easy to say that this is another good one.
Read the story. Let it speak for itself.
{An "Anonymous Reviewer" has written an additional review of this story. I am
posting it next.}
Think back to your last experience of missionary-position sex. Not the one in
Macy's window, but the one before that, alone in the privacy and comfort of a
bedroom with your significant other. Was it really so boring that you would
have skipped it if the reruns on TV had been a little better? Or was it a
time of passion and satisfaction?
Uther Pendragon bets on the latter. He thinks that hot sex, even hot
descriptions of sex, don't require three sex toys, two visiting firemen, and a
large German shepherd.
"Forays" is a weekend in the saga of Bob and Jeanette Brennan, now married ten
years and very new parents. Their baby is becoming a bit more predictable,
Jeanette has recovered from the delivery. They are beginning to notice the
external world and even make forays into it.
Bob is turned on by seeing Jeanette breastfeed their baby, 'The Kitten.'
Jeanette misses the 'tiger' that Bob sometimes was before her pregnancy made
him careful. Each makes plans to satisfy those needs. The Kitten, presumably
without planning, interposes her own immediate needs. They cope, and
ultimately everyone's needs are satisfied.
This isn't a "Lust Weekend." Bob and Jeanette get on with their lives and
then make love at bedtime. They do the laundry, prepare meals, change
diapers, write history exams, and attend church. Jeanette signs up for a
French course and practices her French on The Kitten. Bob's puns in French
are no more edifying than his puns in English. When you check, however, you
find that more than half the words are spent on the sex scenes.
An Aster story makes you wish that you could live in his universe, a Viddler
story makes you glad that you don't live in his, a Deirdre story makes you
suspect that you might. You live in Bob and Jeanette's universe (except for
time flow). Don't you wish that you lived with one of them?
"Forecast" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). The main reason I like
these stories in the Bob and Jeanette Brennan series is that I have gone
through many similar experiences myself. By this I mean that my husband and I
share a relationship based on exchange of ideas as well as of body fluids. I
can easily understand Jeanette's feelings when the author says, "Intercourse
might not always give her a climax, but it always gave her evidence of Bob's
passion for her." The two partners BOTH grow emotionally as these stories
progress, and my enjoyment arises as much from watching their personal growth
as from the rather hot sex they experience. The intelligent banter and
concern for the feelings of each other continue to be a strength of this
series of stories.
Here we are on night eleven of their honeymoon. The title refers both to the
weather prediction (rain till 10:00) and to the predictable but wonderful
pattern of what Jeanette and Bob will share together in the tent. Part of my
enjoyment of this story arises from the fact that I HAVE made love in a tent
during a thunderstorm; and if one is careful, it can be even better than Bob
and Jeanette found it to be.
"Foretaste" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Bob and Jeanette are
continuing with their journey through life. This story is heavily laced with
the realities of existence. They have partially overcome their financial
problems, but now they are faced with the decision of deferring Jeanette's
education even longer while they have a baby and begin to raise a family.
Their sex life continues to be a unitive force in their lives. Some
activities they have found wanting and have discarded, and some they have
found wanton and have retained them.
Here's a sex-related word that appears in this story for probably the first
time ever on this newsgroup: "blastomere", as in, "We had entered into another
relationship. Our child was not yet born, not even a fetus, but -- at most --
a blastomere." Just thought you might like to know.
"Forgiven" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). During my first pregnancy
my husband and I concluded that it was important that our future offspring
know that mommy and daddy liked each other. During the later part of that
pregnancy my conscience told me that maybe it wasn't really good for the baby
for mommy and daddy to fuck quite as often and as vigorously as they had in
past months. So I asked my gynecologist, and he put my feet into the stirrups
and had his sexy little nurse sit on my face while he.... No that's a
different story. Actually, he said sex was fine as long as I enjoyed it and
as long as my husband got out of the way when he delivered the baby.
Bob and Jeanette may have had a kindred doctor. They are in the family way
now, and Jeanette's cunt tastes richer than in months past. Is this because of
her recent orgasm, the pregnancy, or his overactive imagination. I dunno - I
would suggest further experimentation to verify a hypothesis here. These
people certainly get along nicely! I think maybe we should have a baby shower
for Jeanette!
"Forlorn" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). The Brennans are back,
speaking terms of endearment in French and quoting history to one another.
This time Bob and Jeanette even do a hand-off of The Kitten at class, while
the students oooh and ahhhh.
As I have said many times before, the Brennan saga is one of my favorites.
This story is another excellent blend of family life and hot sex. Don't let
the brevity of this review fool you: this is another good one.
"Fortuitous" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.cs.du.edu). Bob and Jeanette
Brennan are two of the most extraordinarily ordinary people found on this
newsgroup. In this episode they continue to work at forming a family while
helping Bob continue his studies toward a Ph.D. in history. For his Christmas
present, Jeanette has agreed to let Bob be her sex slave for a day. This
paradoxical proposition turns into a happy and exciting time for both of them.
Some readers will find fault with one of the real beauties of this story. The
author spends a lot of time on topics that apparently have little to do with
sex, such as family meetings and summaries of ancient or medieval history.
While I understand that these details may be superfluous to readers interested
in achieving orgasm at their computers, I find that these aspects make the sex
richer by giving us the framework within which really hot, loving sex can
occur. While I often enjoy the fantasy that two people can meet and give each
other wildly exciting pleasure, it has been my own experience that the joy,
the pleasure, and even the wildness get better when they occur as part of a
relationship that both partners are willing to work at. This author has done
an excellent job of both developing such a relationship and describing
extremely hot sexual episodes within that relationship.
"Fucking Celeste" by Mike Hunt (mrm1ke@aol.com). Like this author's stories
themselves, my reviews of them should be read out loud, or at least very
loudly in silence, in order to get full impact from them. With that in mind,
I ask you, which would be a more clever title "Fucking Celeste by Mike Hunt"
or "Fucking Mike Hunt by Celeste"?
The title is deliberately ambiguous. My Unabridged Random House dictionary
gives the accurate definition of the first word of the title, which would
properly be paraphrased as the mumbled phrase "Confounded Celeste!" This title
takes on a second meaning when Mike visits his nephew's teacher and is forced
into a compromising position that cannot be resolved without full vaginal
penetration of a person alleged to be Yours Truly. As if that pun is not
enough, the author adduces a theory that the Blowjob Principle is a
misspelling for an activity that Celeste performs for the person who
administers her school.
This is a very good story, but the disclaimer is not as creative as some that
I have seen. In addition, I should point out that Mike has been spearheading
<g> an attempt to improve my system of guest reviewers. {This may sound like
matter for a "note," but stay with me on this one.} Mike's fundamental
assertion is that he feels the authors should use their regular pseudonyms
when writing their guest reviews, because this will enable both readers and
the persons whose stories are being reviewed to make better use of any
criticism contained in the reviews. Mike's point is well taken, and I have
adopted a policy of allowing authors to stick with their regular names if they
insist, even though I continue to advise an "alternate pseudonym."
My reason for advising this practice is that I seriously believe that using
the same name would _for many authors_ cause undesirable pressures that would
weaken either their reviews or their stories.
Indeed, I'm not sure how much can be gained by knowing that So-and-So is the
author of both a specific story and a specific review. As someone else has
pointed out to me, it is by no means true that the best authors are likely to
be the best reviewers. Authors tend to be specialists who are intensely
involved in an area of expertise, whereas reviewing requires a more
generalized interest or expertise and an ability to look at a story more
objectively. {As I said, stay with me.... There's a punchline coming up.}
I'll grant that some people can be both good reviewers and good authors, but I
wouldn't count on it; and I think that for many of us the absence of anonymity
would reduce our objectivity. I think it makes more sense to look at, say,
Piper's reviews for several weeks and to form an opinion about his/her insight
than to start from the assumption that because Piper writes good stories
his/her reviews must be good.
Let me use myself as an example. I think I write good reviews, and I think I
am CAPABLE of writing good stories. I have posted only one story ("Virtuous
Reality"), and I really felt uncomfortable doing so. I had such thoughts as
these: How can I expect people to continue listening to my advice when I am
probably going to screw this story up? Won't people be extremely harsh in
evaluating my story, since I have been critical of so many stories myself?
Won't people have less respect for my reviews if my story really sucks? Etc.
I guess I could "just get over it," but these were real concerns to me, and I
think numerous other potential reviewers would have similar reactions. This
is why I recommend the alternate pseudonym.
Of course, it should be obvious to you that I could solve this problem simply
by posting my stories under a different name. Indeed, perhaps I have already
done so! One correspondent has suggested that the anonymity of AOL would make
it possible for Danielle Steele to act out her fantasies by pretending to be
an English teacher who writes reviews for this newsgroup. How can anyone
really prove this is not the case? Well, actually Danielle does not write or
think very much like me. Who does? There's only one person that I can think
of.
The only reasonable answer is that I am really Mike Hunt. {In case you missed
it, the previous sentence was the punchline.}
Think about it. On a.s.s.d. I was recently accused of having a sophomoric
sense of humor. What more need I say? I have just reviewed a story by Mike
Hunt entitled "Fucking Celeste" in which Mike Hunt is pressed up against a
sexy teacher in a closet at the Sadley Virgin School. Hmmm.... Maybe I have
overstated the case a little. As I said earlier in this review, I can write
better puns than those. But if I were Mike Hunt or were Mike Hunt I, then
this story could be entitled "Fucking Myself!" That's the sort of humor that
both Mike and I would be proud of.
Here's further evidence - I claim that both my husband and I are heterosexual
and monogamous, but I admit that my husband regularly fucks my cunt. {Get it?
Mike Hunt - my cunt! See the pattern yet?}
And besides, I can't be Plainman, because he writes much better than either
Mike or I.
Here are two of my favorite excerpts from the story:
"I lowered my fly and withdrew my cock. Sticking straight out, it made closing
the door impossible." {Ouch! He must have really wanted to keep that door
open!}
"He {the nephew who has been boinking the girl in the supply closet} needs a
little help. His technique is very amateurish." {It would have been more fun
to say "His technique is ALSO very amateurish." You have to read this in
context, I guess; but the ALSO would be intended to mean that both the kid's
technique and his knowledge were amateurish or that both the kid's and Mike's
techniques were amateurish. In fact, this line PROVES that this story is a
fraud. The real Celeste would never miss an opportunity for an enigmatic
provocation of Mike Hunt.}
All goofy remarks aside, this is another very good story. I appreciate the
tribute and accept it in the spirit in which it was intended.
"Fucking Celeste" by Mike Hunt (mrm1ke@aol.com). Guest Review by Fiddler.
This story has two Mike Hunts. M1ke Hunt is an author who complains about
"fucking Celeste" because he thinks her reviews have been insufficiently
laudatory. He fears that she might even assign his next story to a guest
reviewer. To work off his frustration, he writes a story about a character
named Mike Hunt who visits his nephew's teacher in lieu of the boy's mother
who has been unavoidably delayed.
Since the identity of the teacher was telegraphed in the title, I'll let you
read the story to find how Mike gets from the present participle to the
gerund. You definitely should read it. If you are already a M*ke Hunt fan,
you'll be pleased that he no longer uses those weird high-ascii marks.
He should learn, however, that the Bureau of Labor Statistics collects
unemployment data from the Current Population Survey of households, rather
than from unemployment insurance records. {Good Point! - Celeste; Fucking
Fiddler - Mike Hunt.}
"Getting Lucky" by Dafney DeWitt (dafneydewitt@juno.com). Fuller has a
foolproof plan for getting free sex from hookers in Las Vegas. He
realistically fakes having a winning lottery ticket. Then he lets her ("the
mark," I guess) see the winning ticket by letting her be present when he fakes
the win. Then he enjoys the sex, pretends to fall asleep, and lets her steal
the ticket. Only a really foolish prostitute would pass on this opportunity.
What could go wrong with a perfect plan like that? OK, so what could go wrong
after that went wrong? OK, so what could go wrong after that went wrong?
OK....
This author's stories are invariably well written. Recently this author has
posted several stories with a con game focus. This is by far the best of that
series.
"Hazy Shade of Winter" by Hawkeye. This story must have been around for a
while; it's a repost from the THC archive and has a 1993 copyright, but I have
never seen any stories by this author before. This story read like a short
version of a Dirty Dawg story. I mean that as a very real compliment.
Sam was attracted to Lisa when she flipped into his life; that is, he thought
she was beautiful because of the cute way she flipped her hair out of her
eyes. They became close friends as they worked together, mopping rancid beer
and sharing other intimacies. However, since she was already committed to
another boyfriend, he loved her from afar. Well, you can guess where this is
going, and you'll probably be right; but you should read this excellent story
anyway.
"Hell Hath No Fury" by Darkside. Guest review by Green Onions.
A driver has a flat tire on a lonely road. Spare to change? Sorry, none in the
trunk. Night falls on the man without a plan.
The stars blink brightly in the clear black sky as his chances of surviving
begin to flicker out. Snow appears. Lost and alone, he waits for the end of
his life in the white darkness.
And yet when all optimism seems to have faded into the freezing wilderness
there emerges (from behind a hidden chorus of weeping violins) a vision of
hope that flies gracefully across the horizon of his dimming consciousness,
singing its mystical song, ready to deftly snatch the hapless wayfarer from
the drooling unflossed Jaws of Death.
Is it a bird? A plane? An optical illusion? No--it's Florence Nightingale:
_after_ she graduated from medical school.
And so not a moment too soon is the Grim Reaper's task interrupted by the
talents of a skilled, sensitive, tall, brilliant, blue-eyed, lithe busty rich
young female physician with near-perfect abs.
She first asks the nurse to check his insurance. Then she saves his life.
And so the dream continues. They fall for each other; he proposes to her.
Their engagement progresses like clockwork to the final misty moment as
family, friends, and myriad onlookers gather to witness the anticipated
instant when he will place the golden ring of their sacred unity upon her
willing finger.
It seems that all is right with the world. Surely they will love out their
lives in an era of peace, happiness, hot sex, low taxes, and white picket
fences.
Well, as one of Douglas Adam's characters once said in _The Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy_: "Sorry, wrong universe!"
As the sun beats down on the expectant crowd he explains that he does not love
her and cannot marry her. Her parents are glaring hatefully, she is sobbing
pitifully and he is shrugging philosophically. Better luck next time.
Or better sense, perhaps. Because the Doctor was a dream and he needs someone
real. Not a vision but a spouse. Not a fantasy, but flesh and soul. And after
two long years he finds and marries her with little hesitation. The second
time is indeed the charm--even if her stomach isn't quite as flat, she is
still young and attractive, affectionate, smart, tall and slim.
But what of his first love, of the brilliant blue-eyed shapely svelte angel of
the steel table who had saved his life, savored his love, and was
jilted--indeed brutally humiliated--in front of her friends and family?
Hell, if you thought biblical characters tend to suffer more than others for
spurning the affections of the smooth-faced gender, read this story and think
again!
And what could be a more fitting punishment for an ungrateful insensitive,
thoughtless and callously cruel male jerk than to be forced to suffer the
indignities of _becoming_ a woman? His fate will not be limited to the
experience of being in a female body, but will also include the transformation
of his mind.
Yes, She will have her way with him. She will make his dream into her
nightmare. And in more than one respect.
This is not an ordinary TG (trans-gender) piece, nor is it a classic sex story
or a typical tale of revenge, mystery--yes there is a murder--cumuppance (gee,
did I misspell that?), or even an ironic, slightly humorous psychological sci-
fi erotic thriller. It's all of those bound together with a tight plot and
topped off with a tempting smorgasbord of diverse sexual blandishments.
In case you thought I might be blowing my load prematurely, I should also
point out that this piece could be even better if the author diverged from
some typical tendencies of erotica and romance writers (including most a.s.s.
contributors). For starters I might occasionally prefer to see characters in
longer stories developed with a third dimension--the sorts of accents,
nuances, habits, hobbies, mannerisms, peculiarities and idiosyncrasies that we
typically observe in real people. Such details can often be worked into plots
with little effort.
While Darkside's prose is better than most, I also sometimes wish a.s.s.
writers would pause more often to allow their readers to "smell the roses" (or
hear the cadences) of their phrases and the rhythm of their sentences. Words
can do more than convey information.
And although I am often at odds with the well-worshipped deity who is hosting
this review, she and I agree on one thing: maybe there is room for
protagonists whose bodies are not quite so heavenly. If one goal of erotica is
to help us appreciate love and sexuality, then perhaps a.s.s. authors could
provide us with a few (especially female) characters now and then who just
happen to fall short of certain popular physical ideals.
Yet I quibble . . . this is an _excellent_ novella. Read it.
"High Rise" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com). You know, Mike Hunt is really
great. I wish I had the nerve to say that sentence out loud in a bar. It
would be a great pick-up line. I mean, you might get an interesting reply:
"Your cunt is nothing compared to Emily Dickinson's."
Anyway, Mike Hunt is really great. This time he writes from the perspective
of his other self. The easiest way to explain this is that his original self
is probably still recovering from the drubbing he took from Taria in her last
story. Life gets complicated when you start playing significant roles in
stories other than your own!
Anyway, in this story Mike starts out by voyeurizing the lady who lives in the
apartment in the high rise next to his own in Chicago. When he discovers that
she goes online with AOL, he arranges to meet her there, without her knowing
that it's him; and then the he who's online counsels the her who's online with
regard to her budding romance with the him who she thinks is not online but
really is. I think I got that right. It may be better if you just read the
story.
The basic flaw of this story is the tenuous assumption that two people can
deliberately and easily get onto an AOL chat line almost at will in a major
metropolitan area like Chicago - IN THE EVENING HOURS yet! Yeah, right. And
the Cubs may win the World Series this year.
What I liked best about this story was that the woman came with a "whoosh" and
a "thunk." Actually, I'm just practicing quoting information out of context:
she came _off the elevator_ with a "whoosh" and a "thunk." When she came in
the sack it was simultaneously with her lover, but with neither a "whoosh" nor
a "thunk."
"I Am M1ke's Dick" by M1KE HUNT (MrM1ke@aol.com). In this story Mike submits
his resume and gets a job making a sex show for PBS. The resume itself is
quite interesting. We learn that initially nobody wants to hire Mike, but
eventually the ladies at least are quite impressed with him.
The story unfolds in real time, as we examine a chronological series of memos,
letters, and transcripts of phone conversations and audiotapes. The action
never becomes as hot as in most of Mike's other stories. Aside from the scene
in which he describes his sensations while achieving erection and penetration,
most of the action takes place off stage. However, the tour de force of
getting himself successfully into the movie business is really a lot of fun.
"I Learn to Think, or, Fun with Dick and Brain" by Estragon (rgt@well.com). I
nearly died laughing while I read this story. I have never been an adolescent
boy, but this HAS to be how they think when they encounter the first
intelligent and attractive female who has authority over them. The story is
written in the format of a journal for a philosophy class - a class that
discusses how people think. Sounds boring; but it's not. The author comes up
with some bizarre insights that are so crazy that they simply MUST be true.
As I read the story I could see the philosophy course syllabus unfolding in
front of me. For example, the most likely reason a student would compare his
thinking about the TA to lumpy shadows on the wall of a cave would be because
he had just encountered that topic {Platonic images, not TA's} in the course
syllabus.
One interesting thought that is NOT explored in the story is the fact that
since the journal is written FOR Ms Altman, then she'll obviously have to read
what the writer has written; and it's fun to speculate about what her reaction
will be.
Incidentally, my favorite philosophical cartoon may be apropos here. It shows
a philosophy professor writing on the chalk board, "I think, therefore I am."
The student in the back row leans over and whispers to the scholar next to
him, "Oh, no! We don't even exist!" Think about that one, Ms Altman! Then
there's the graffiti from the library restroom: "Coito, ergo suk." The
general concept is probably true, but it's bad Latin.
"Identical Twins" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com). Sometimes I wonder where
Mike Hunt gets his ideas for these stories; then I remember - these things all
really happened to him. It must be really easy to write titillating stories
when your life has been just one long series of barely interrupted sexual
escapades.
In this episode, Mike Hunt has gone to a business meeting in LA, but he picks
up the wrong luggage at the airport. His wife June calls to tell him that a
woman at another hotel has his suitcase, which is identical to his (hence the
title). When he takes a cab to the other hotel to switch luggage, he
discovers that the person with his luggage is a beautiful woman with a sister
who looks exactly like her (hence the title). To make a long story short
(which is the purpose of a synopsis), the women are strippers in town for a
show; but Mike Hunt ruins one set of their clothes, and so he has to join them
in a modified act during which he has sex with them on stage in front of the
Royal Order of the Beaver.
This is Mike Hunt at his charming, witty best!
"JAVA" by Mandible (" mandible"@deaths.door). Would YOU read a story that
began like this?
"Her face glowed with humor and love as a smile played across the corners of
her lips. Her left eyebrow popped up and down like a sleepy cat's tail and she
tossed light brown hair out of her face with quick little shakes. Her eyes
were big and brown and shone with excited good humor as she laughed and gave a
little shrug which shook her impudent breasts. She was so average you'd never
notice her, until you saw the smile. It was million-dollar stuff, a light that
glowed from inside the girl herself, turning her generic face into a Real
Person. That intent gaze, that would catch any man and freeze him for a moment
if it was turned on him ...."
I would LOVE to be able to use that paragraph with my students as an example
of how to catch a reader's attention; but somebody would ask where I got it -
or, more likely, one of my students would KNOW where I got it, because he had
just read this story the night before while he was looking for CUM-SEEKING
VIRGINS WITH BIG TITS.
Anyway, she's not looking at anybody - just at a computer screen. She's in a
chat room, and the narrator, who is seated at a nearby computer, gets the
sudden inspiration to find out which room and to seduce her. He carries out
his plan, and she's just as hot as he thought she was! READ THIS STORY!!!
As you know, I have posted my reasons why I do not engage in Cybersex. A
recantation may be in order.
"JayCee" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@AOL.COM). When she was very young, JayCee
had wished she were a boy, because boys had all the fun; but as she grew into
adolescence she discovered that girls had it made, because they could get boys
to worship them and do almost anything to please them. This is a restatement
of the basic femdom philosophy that pervades most of this author's stories,
including this one.
This story has several fascinating subplots, but the main plot involves the
next-door neighbor Jane, who is turning her son Marion into a girl, who will
eventually become Marianne. This is the sort of thing that inspires JayCee,
and she becomes an eager co-conspirator. JayCee gets paid for her assistance,
and Marianne even likes it. As I read this story, I felt that it was a good
one; but what was missing was the element of surprise that Vickie Tern always
includes in her stories. This one was simply about a boy who wanted to become
a girl and who did, in the end, become a stunningly beautiful and sexy girl.
Surprise! That's not the way it turns out after all.
This week's issue of Time Magazine includes a transgender article entitled
"The Boy Without a Penis." It describes a boy whose penis became mangled at a
very young age, and so his parents had him surgically altered and made a
serious attempt to raise him as a girl. It turns out that this strategy was
disastrously ineffective: the guy eventually had another operation and is now
a happily married man raising a family of adopted children. One conclusion
would be to say that this factual article suggests that stories like the
present one are merely exercises in fantasy - that it is highly improbable
that gender can be altered as easily as many TG stories suggest. Of course,
the other conclusion would be that the people who attempted the real-life
transformation should have read some of these TG stories first, so that they
could have done it right!
"June's First" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). June is the name of Mike
Hunt's wife. Mike Hunt is an anatomical pun, but in this story we'll focus on
him as the narrator, who tells the story through the eyes of his wife, who
wear's pajamas, which is something I haven't done in over ten years except
when I'm staying at my in-laws' house - and sometimes on sleepovers with
teenagers.
Anyway, Mike Hunt is telling this story about June's first time having sex
(hence, the eponymous title). It was with a person named Riley O'Reilly, and
it wasn't until halfway through the story I discovered that Riley is a girl.
Imagine my consternation. On the other hand, Mike Hunt, who was writing the
story, didn't find this out until that same moment, so imagine Mike Hunt's
dismay! And confusion! And June was giving Mike Hunt a blowjob under the
table while she was dictating the story to him. Mike Hunt was getting a
little bit testy. There's a pun in that previous sentence, but I'm not sure
the author knew or cared.
To summarize: June (in the story within the story) is grabbing Riley's tit.
Riley (also in the story within the story) is fingering June's cunt. June (in
the story) is blowing Mike Hunt under the table, while Mike Hunt is writing
this story. My cunt is getting a pleasant feeling (while I am reading this
story), but I am laughing My Ass off. My Husband is looking at me as he walks
through the room. He's used to this. He'll get his later.
"Gmmft. Plivvm. Gravnntfz." Somebody is about to come. I'm not sure who. It
could be any one of three or four people - maybe all of us. You'll have to
read the story yourself. It's delightful - one of the most enjoyable tidbits
to come from Mike Hunt in quite a while.
P.S. The story also includes Mike Hunt's FAQ.
"Lady Distressed" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (mohanraj@mills.edu). Jane (or Janet)
has been persuaded to go to one of those Medieval Faires, where her date has
abandoned her for greener pastures - or, more specifically, for a lass in a
red skirt in a haystack. One of the courtly workers comforts Jane, and soon
she no longer begrudges her date his greener pastures.
This story is not nearly as dorky as I have made it sound. It's really
fascinating. I'd call it charming, but then all you macho readers would stay
away from it. Instead I'll point out that it has hot sex in a really
interesting context.
In addition, the author blends the vocabulary words seamlessly. In many of
the other stories the "big words" jumped out at me as unusual; but in this
story they blended in with other equally sophisticated words and invariably
expressed exactly the meaning that the author intended.
"The Light In Mother's Window" P. D. Michael (pdmm@interlog.com). Back in the
1940s the kids used to hang out after dark and look through windows to see who
was getting naked and who was getting screwed. A primary gathering place was
outside the window of the narrator's mother. Even the narrator himself used
to spend hours outside Mom's window, watching her play with herself or with
someone else. Mom was a virtuoso, but that doesn't mean she was a virtuous
woman.
Times have changed. Back then, people didn't have air conditioning; and so
they left their windows open, and the kids had something to look at.
Nowadays, we have air conditioning, and most people close their windows and
their curtains; but kids have dirty videotapes and sex on the Internet. Maybe
that's what's wrong with the baby-boomers! They grew up after air
conditioning but before vicarious sex had become easily abundant.
"Longing" by kollontai (amadora@hotmail.com). {Guest Review} Kollontai (who
posts as "La Amadora", and has email addresses as both "kollontai" and
"amadora") is a newcomer to a.s.s.*, but her first three stories show a great
deal of promise. The first two, short-shorts called "Taken" and "The Orgy",
are intense surreal pieces (see Celestial Reviews 191). Her latest posting,
"Longing", is much more realistic, and quite effective.
I've never had a really long-term long-distance relationship, but I do
remember some pretty hot cross-town phone calls as a teenager. This was
phone-petting rather than phone-sex, but it was memorable, and kollontai's
story effectively brings back those memories. The narrator (in New Jersey) is
talking to her lover (in Massachusetts) on the telephone, and missing each
other and longing for each other they quite convincingly make love through
that little wire. If MIT proves too much for him, this boy has a real future
in phone sex! (He may actually be a bit TOO good at it; I did once or twice
suspect that we were going to have a surprise ending where it turned out he
was a professional phone-fantasy operator. A real amateur lover might not be
quite as perfectly-spoken in this situation; but the author makes it easy to
suspend disbelief here.)
Despite some problems with "lie" and "lay", and using "cum" as a verb (a pet
hate of mine), kollontai has given us a hot sexy romantic story. People in
long-distance relationships should study it carefully! <grin>
"Lucid Dreamer" by Delta (delta@bc.sympatico.ca). Robert is a guy with a
physical disability, and his limp has impaired his capacity to hit it off with
interesting women. Other than that, he is a normal guy who likes to hang out
with his friends at a bar. He also has a crush on a woman whom he observes
from a bus. And most important (for this story, that is), he has been trying
to take control of his dreams. He wants to have "lucid dreams"; that is, he
wants to become conscious of when he is dreaming and deliberately let the
dreams go where he wants them to go. He has read a book about it, and by darn
it should work! In fact, he has his eye on a lady whom he has never met. All
he knows is that she's beautiful and wears a wedding ring. But if he ever
became lucid in a dream, he had plans for that lady.
But then he meets Trudi, the girl of his dreams - literally. And then the
story gets complicated. I'm not going to try to summarize it. Let's just say
that it's a nice story that blends romance with the paranormal - sort of like
the movie "Ghost." If you're at all familiar with Delta's other stories, you
can easily suspect that this one might be good.
A technical note: Delta is a wonderful writer - Delta's worst stories are
better than I could ever write myself; and so the following "advice" needs to
be taken with a grain of salt. Delta posted this story in serial format - one
chapter at a time. I reviewed the first chapter (and I am repeating part of
that review here) and then I waited until the whole thing was finished before
I read and reviewed the whole story. In a cover letter Delta pointed out that
the characters had changed as the plot developed - and, indeed, that the basic
plot had changed in several ways. If this is the case, then it seems to me
that it would have been sensible to CHANGE some of the earlier parts in view
of these alterations; but since the earlier chapters had already "gone to
press," this was impossible.
A large number of authors employ this serial format. I suppose a major reason
is that they want to get reactions and feedback from readers. Some authors
get started and then simply quit after one or two chapters; but it seems to me
that even those who continue may be hurting their cause. Wouldn't it be
better to wait until the author him/herself knows EXACTLY how the story will
end before considering the earlier chapters to be finished? It seems to me
that authors limit themselves by locking themselves into characterizations or
plot elements that either prevent development or make development awkward in
view of earlier statements that could easily be changed if they were not
already etched in stone.
Back to the present story - and to my original review! I have some theories
of my own about dreams. First, I have discovered that my own dreams aren't
all that interesting. These stories, for example, are usually a lot more
interesting than my dreams. I used to think my dreams were interesting, and
once I decided (like Robert in this story) to write down my really good ones.
For this purpose I kept a notepad by my bed. I had a really great dream one
night, and I jotted down some notes. Since it was a sexy dream, I cut the
notes short and cuddled up against my husband's ass, hoping to get back into
the dream. I drifted orgasmically back to sleep. The next morning at
breakfast I remembered my dream. Knowing that I could write a best-selling
novel based on that dream, I rushed back to the bedroom and retrieved the
notepad. The notes easily enabled me to recall the entire dream. It was one
of the stupidest stories I had ever heard of - even worse than some of the
ones my sister-in-law has described at the dinner table. Within a week I
discovered that MOST of my dreams became inane under close scrutiny. The
dreams were often really fun to have, but that must have because in my sleepy
stupor I focused on key details and ignored fairly obvious inconsistencies. My
dreams simply did not have complete and coherent plots; they fell apart under
even superficial analysis. In addition, they reeked of plagiarism. Since the
critical examinations were ruining my dream-sex-life, I threw the notepad
away.
Second, I believe that the psychological "importance" of dreams is overrated.
Freud may have been a bright guy, but most dreams are not worth
"interpreting." I find that my dreams are just as likely to be influenced by
what's on television while I sleep, by noises outside my window, and by what I
read as by "subconscious feelings" that can give any meaning to my life. My
dreams are especially likely to be influenced by a pair of lips or a tongue on
the right part of my anatomy during the hour or so before I am scheduled to
wake up; but it doesn't require psychoanalysis to figure out why this is so.
Third, I have tried something similar to what Robert does in this story. I
have this personality flaw called a conscience that prohibits me from doing
some really neat things - like making love to my husband's best friend, eating
the pussy of one of the women I teach with, and engaging in a gangbang with
some attractive and athletic people. I don't object to having this conscience
rule my life; I honestly believe that bad things would happen in real life if
I just threw aside my moral code of conduct. But what pisses me off is that
this conscience runs not only my real life, but also my dream-life.
A while ago, for example, I was out jogging in the early morning with my
husband, when we came upon a blue-eyed blond in a really sexy body suit. She
was lying by the side of a beautiful lake, masturbating. When she noticed us,
she moaned, gave a come-hither look that brought my husband's cock to
attention, and invited us to join her. Then I found myself saying, "No, we
shouldn't do this." My husband replied, "Why not?". My cunt got this really
warm feeling, and I said to myself, "I think I'm dreaming." Then I continued,
"If this is a dream, I can go ahead...." But then the mere fact that I was
thinking that it might be a dream caused me to awaken from the dream.
Fortunately, my husband is great about things like this. He has given me
permission to cuddle up to him and bang away whenever I feel the urge. He
doesn't even care whether I awaken him or not, and I can include anyone I want
in my fantasies. Just once I'd like to go ahead with the original dream; but
the first time I do that, I'm certain I'll discover that it wasn't a dream
after all.
See what I mean? The analysis of my dreams can get really boring. Delta has
now finished this story, and I still haven't resolved my dilemma. But I can
dream, can't I?
(Continued in Part 3)
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