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Celeste's Top 100 Stories of 1997
Original Reviews in Alphabetical Order (A-D)

Note: The listing in rank order is posted separately, under the label "
Celeste's Top Stories -1997."

Second note:  These are the original reviews.  They have not been revised
except to correct obvious errors.  In many cases, information from the
original context that is missing here may make a review confusing.  I guess
you'll just have to live with that.

Third note:  Stories that received "honorable mention" are not reviewed here.

Fourth note: Congratulations to all whose stories are reviewed here.  I am
confident that people selecting stories from this list will find good stories,
many of which are better than those published in professional sources.



"The Absolutely Astounding Adventures of Angelica Ahsmacker" by Tom Bombadil
(mrdouble@ix.netcom.com).  This is a sexually explicit version of a
cliffhanger - one of those media productions that used to exist as television
serials and which one can still find on the cartoon channel on cable TV.  This
episode begins with Angelica Ahsmacker and her faithful sidekick, Tiny
Silvertongue, hanging over a cliff.  Not really, of course.  Angelica is
actually tied to a log and about to be bisected laterally by a buzz saw.  As
the author puts it: "It was a race between the awful arms of that molestation
machine and the terrible teeth of that spinning saw to see which would be the
first to delve deep into the defenseless damsel's dampening divinity."

I enjoy this sort of thing immensely.  This author is creative in both his
plot development and in his use of language.  {I enjoy cunning linguists.}  If
you like humor and alliteration with your sex, you'll enjoy this story.

"Adrenaline Games" is a very well-written, tightly-knit tale by DG that
touches on the aphrodisiacal powers of risk and fear.  DG gives his e-mail
address as dionysian@hotmail.com which gave me pause for a moment, for one of
the definitions of dionysian includes irrational, frenzied or undisciplined.
But it also touches on the orgiastic and ecstatic.  As it turns out, none of
those apply so much as Nietzsche's philosophy of creative-intuitive power.

 That intellectual rumination aside, the story's hot, fast paced and just a
little bit tense as, of course, it's intended to be.  Andrew Miller is a
21-year-old college student who's just been arrested for the rape of Sarah
Glassman.  When questioned by the detectives, he maintains that it was all a
game, that Sarah *wanted* to be raped for the thrill of it.

 The detectives are initially unmoved but when Andrew offers to tell the whole
story, they're willing, even eager to listen.  The story flash backs are very
well done, capturing the mercurial antics of unpredictable Sarah, "a weird
chick."  Initially she goads Andrew into tying her up but she wasn't prepared
for his creativeness.  He surprises and thrills her with his spontaneous
topping.  She clearly gets off on edge work.  Hunter Thompson might well have
used her in his book, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas."

 They get hooked on their own adrenaline-producing scares.  I've done just
enough of my own edge work to have an appreciation for fear-generated juice.
But did something go wrong?  Did Sarah go round the bend on the last one?  Is
Andrew going to take a fall because of this "weird chick?"

 By all means, read the story and try to imagine yourself in it.  It'll get
your juices going.

"All we like Sheep" by MC Woodsmoke.  My initial reaction to this story was
perplexity at its title.  What in the world does it mean?  I concluded that it
was probably a typographical error.  The author either meant to say "We Are
All Like Sheep" - or maybe it was the more bestial "We All Like Sheep."
Actually, the title is stated exactly as the author intended it.  You'll have
to read the story to find out what it means.  Hint: It's part of a phrase that
you'll probably recognize.

Anyway, the hero of this story is that ubiquitous denizen of a.s.s.: the
electronics genius who knows how to use technology for mind control.  This
particular hero has been smitten by the lovely lady at work who has no time
for sex; she just reads her bible and performs church work with her youth
group.  A few weeks with our hero's magic mind control tape takes care of
that.  She becomes a hot little sex kitten that does her creator proud - her
new creator, not the old one, who may have preferred her to keep up the work
with the youth group.

Omigod!  The youth group!  Angie was listening to the subliminal tape while
she was working with two of the girls from the youth group; that means the
kids might have heard it too!  He had planned to seduce Angie, but suddenly
Stacy and Kayla seemed primed and ready to go.  {I'm not sure exactly how
state and federal law deal with the accidental exposure of minors to
subliminal seduction.  I guess it would depend on whether one could get the
judge and jury to listen to the tape.}

An odd thing about mind control is that it has the capacity within a few
sessions to make people more enthusiastic devotees of an activity than they
would be had they participated in that activity happily for several years.
For example, I myself have enjoyed cock sucking for over 20 years.  In a
sense, my mind has been programmed to enjoy it, much like Angie in this story.
Yet when I am participating in that activity I retain control over my brain
and can do creative things (like chew gum, think, and even stop if the
performance contradicts an important value system) while still maintaining my
enthusiasm for the activity.  This is a long way of saying that sometimes mind
control stories become a bit simplistic.

Nevertheless, aside from some grammatical flaws, the present story is highly
creative and well worth reading.

"And Then I Fucked Her" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com).  Fucking Mike Hunt!  I
was reading this story, and Mike was quoting Michael K. Smith's essay on "How
To Write Sex Stories Good," which is one of my favorite essays on that topic.
Then I realized that he was poking fun at Michael K.!  Well, OK; humor I can
understand.  So as I read on, I said to myself: "This is a really great story!
Look at all these long quotations and how well Mike Hunt has handled the
quotation marks!"  This was especially gratifying, since in one of my recent
issues of CR (the one before I discussed blonds and blondes) I had discussed
quotation marks.  But then he left off an end quote!  I was getting all hot
and horny, and now I didn't know who the hell was talking.  To top it off, he
spelled the same person both "blond" and "blonde."  It was like taking a
really cold shower during an orgasm.  What next?  Will he "lay down next to
the blond on the bed?

{Wow!  The subtle irony in that last sentence overwhelms me.  Maybe I had
better explain it....}

The bad news is that this isn't really much of a story at all.  The good news
is that Mike Hunt tells a good story even when he's not telling a story.  And
fortunately, this non-story is really sexy.  It's mostly about sex in a movie
theater and at a butcher's shop.  Well, the actual story is about sex in and
around a dentist's office; but the real action takes place between the lines -
actually, above and below the lines.

I've given Mike Hunt a lot of thought, and I imagine you have too.  {Some
sentences in this review don't have their full impact unless they are read out
loud, or at least loudly to one's internal audience.}  In fact, I have been
suspicious about Mike Hunt's identity.  I had a theory that Mark Aster was in
some way connected with Mike Hunt, because I had never seen the two of them in
one place at the same time.  However, just today I found newly posted stories
by both authors, and I doubt that Mike Hunt is clever enough to use a
deliberate subterfuge to throw me off track.

I used to think that I could spot Mike Hunt's stories by their style alone.
For example, the present story uses the word "baloney" two times: once
immediately preceding "pony" and once during a conversation with a blond(e)
whom he hoped to fuck in a butcher shop.  {That sentence becomes less
ambiguous if we put "in a butcher shop" right after "conversation," but I
think Mike Hunt would prefer it this way.}  Anyway, that's the way Mike Hunt
would use baloney.  So I know this is Mike Hunt's work.

The problem is that Mike Hunt has imitators.  For example, Taria recently
published "Soft Ball," which was a story about rather than by Mike Hunt, and
yet it sounded like something that had really sprung forth from Mike Hunt.
The word "sophomoric" has been overused with regard to Mike Hunt's writing;
but my online thesaurus suggests no alternatives - just a misspelling for
"soporific," and Mike Hunt is certainly not soporific. So we'll go with
raunchy, sexy, titillating, humorous, and generally arousing.

But he uses the word "tits" only six times.  Not good enough! As the Sex Nazi
said on Seinfeld, "No sex for you!"

"Angela" by Friar Dave (friar_dave@mhbbs.com).  Friar Dave is a little hard to
figure out.  Some of his stories show us that pushing kids into early sex can
be really bad for them.  Other stories, like this one, demonstrate that a
young girl can have a great time with no ill effects by making it with an
older man.  This is a really hot, sexy story.  Now I'm going to discuss the
legal, ethical, and personal issues. I'll try to be interesting, but if you
don't want to read that part, skip to the ratings, which say that this is an
excellent story.

Would I like to have had Angela's experience when I was 12 years old?
Actually, no; but I was a different type of kid.  But would I like to have
been like Angela and then have had this experience.  Yes, I have to admit it
sounds really neat: my first sexual with an experienced guy who cared about me
and thrilled me to consecutive orgasms while he teaches me how to make tender
love to him - what's there not to like?

Would I like my daughters to have Angela's experience?  Again, in the context
described in the previous paragraph - why would I want to keep them from this
kind of pleasure and growth experience?  

The problem is that real life does not match fantasy.  In the movies there are
car chases in which cars routinely zoom down crowded sidewalks and nobody gets
hurt.  Those are exciting car chases and interesting fantasies; but in real
life police departments have rules about "hot pursuit," because they know that
innocent people would be killed or injured if they did what the cops do in the
movies.  It's the same with sexual stories; we need to differentiate between
fantasy and real life.  Lots of kids who start having sex when they are twelve
find that they can't stop it once they have started and wind up with seriously
dysfunctional lifestyles.  I've discussed this in my review of "Marie," and I
won't repeat that discussion here.

So my advice to my daughters is to stay away from dirty old men and not to
seduce the nice men they meet.  On the other hand, they can fantasize all they
want.  Likewise, had I not been religiously repressed, I wish I would have had
fantasies like this back when I was twelve.

What's a guy supposed to do if a nice, cute kid comes into his house and
innocently wiggles her ass in front of his nose?  He should be friendly and
persuasive and do whatever it takes to decline the opportunity.  Really.  He
should consider the possibility of either discussing the matter with the
child's parents or encouraging her to see a counselor.  Really.  He should in
the future avoid placing himself in compromising positions.  Then he should go
off by himself and either jerk off, visit his adult lover, or take a cold
shower - or maybe write a hot story for this newsgroup.  Really.

{Parenthetically, even though I enjoyed this story and gave it high ratings, I
would probably prosecute an adult who would conduct himself this way with my
underage daughter.  It wouldn't be an automatic reaction.  I'd look at the
facts of the actual situation, but I agree with the notion that 12-year-olds
who say they want to have sex with an adult are usually not responsible for
their actions, whereas the adult is.}

"April's First" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  I originally had
trouble finding Part 2 to this story; and I eventually went ahead and posted
my review of parts 1 and 3.  I concluded that there was no Part 2; it was an
April Fool's joke.  Get it?  The title is April's First, and the story was
posted on April 1, so....

Anyway, the real action takes place in Part 2, which didn't exist when I
posted my original review.  The author invited others to submit their versions
of Part 2.  The only author I know of who accepted this invitation was
Plainman, whose "Excluded Middle" did a superb job of integrating Plainman's
own style and his Princess story line into the framework set up by Pendragon.
Now Pendragon has posted his version of the missing Part 2, and the result is
another really good story.  

The story actually describes two very interesting and healthy relationships in
the life of a 16-year-old girl: her romantic relationship with her boyfriend
and her sibling relationship with her older sister.  Both relationships are
well developed, and both help make this a sexy story.

One of the best things about this story is its attention to minor details.
For example, when April agrees to make love to Brian for the first time, he
returns to his room that night and fantasizes about the big event.  Suddenly
he realizes that his room is a mess and that he doesn't want April to see it
that way, and so he straightens it up.  The author attends to details like
this in such a way that they contribute to instead of detracting from the
overall focus on the first-time experience between the two young lovers.

The story does contain some awkward grammatical structures; but this author
always revises, and I have a feeling they'll be gone in future postings of
this story.  For example, April "...wanted this waiting to end -- if even in
pain."  Those last four words are awkward; and several instances like this
really do disrupt the reader's train of thought.  Fewer readers will be
distracted (as I was) when Brian's cock peeked discretely at April, but the
distinction between discreet and discrete is worth preserving.  The story is
so good that I (like most other readers) was willing to ignore these minor
flaws, but why not write a perfect story?

Here's a further note with regard to style. Brian "could tell that she was
nervous and that her acceptance was more mental than physical."  Is that
REALLY what the author meant to say?  It seems to me that April's hesitation
is largely mental, which is the opposite of what the sentence says.  I KNOW
what the author means (I think), but when I look closely, the story sometimes
doesn't help me as much as it should.  

My students have learned that it's often a good sign when I give them a paper
back with red ink all over it.  When they look closely, they discover that the
comments are not really about mistakes - they are suggestions for making the
paper perfect.  The students often make the corrections and submit the paper
and win a state competition or something like that.  Applied to this story,
this means that although this story won't get straight 10's right now, by the
time I make my selections for the Top Stories of 1997, this is likely to be in
the Top 10.  The only problem with the story is that in this middle part the
author has focused so heavily on getting the emotions and details right that
he has let the language stand just slightly in the way of expressing this
excellent story as accurately and convincingly as possible.

If you've read none of the April stories, I suggest that you start by reading
the entire current (or the eventually revised) version of Pendragon's "April's
First" - all three parts.  Then mentally obliterate Pendragon's Part 2 from
your mind and read Plainman's version.  Remember: details will diverge,
because Plainman did not see Pendragon's Part 2 before he wrote his version,
and the authors take completely different perspectives.

"As the Paige Turns" by Hawk Richards (heminway@epix.net) Guest review by Mike
Hunt.

A week ago I wrote a review of Hawk Richards' "As the Paige Turns." And I
slammed it pretty good. I even noted that Celeste had given him low marks on
an earlier story and he had revised it and gotten all 10's on the revision.
That showed me that he cares about his work, and I urged him to revise
"Paige."

The sonofabitch went and did it. And he did it again. It's a great story now,
certainly worth 10's, and I highly recommend it.

The story still revolves around a lady psychiatrist who helps a client through
his modem fetish and along the line discloses her own fascination with the
stories in the <alt.sex.stories> newsgroups. And while there's no graphic on-
screen copulating or masturbating or blowulating, it's still sexy; it's still
a quick read, and it's now quite worth your while. The typos are gone, the
logic is logical, the story is fun!

One reviewer's disclosure: he mentions me in the story. That's a nice stroke,
but I wouldn't change my opinion just for that. Another disclosure: he's
stealing my fucking format, and has added closing remarks that dropped me to
the floor with laughter.

Any author who can write a sexy story AND make you laugh at the same time is,
uh, probably a mope. Take it from me. But a funny mope, and maybe one who
shows a helluva lot of promise. Read "As the Paige Turns (Revised)". It's a
goodie.

"The Beaver Meets Mr. Ed" by Unknown Author (Red Dragon Repost).  The gist of
this story can be summarized in the following cryptic conversation:

"Wh-, What are we gonna do, Wally?"

Wally stared thoughtfully at the corpse.

"Aw, Beave, I don't know", he said timidly, "I mean we can't just go and tell
Mrs. Mondello that her son got raped to death by a rabid horse at the circus!"

This story reads just like a sexually-enhanced episode of "Leave It to
Beaver."  Of course, it's not very realistic, because that show didn't have a
talking horse, nor did the fathers of Mayfield usually punish their children
by sodomizing them.  Such considerations aside, this is a really funny story.
It even includes this gem near the end:

"You look fine, Beave, but just don't breathe on Mom.  You've got horse cum on
your breath."

"Bees" by Mat Twassel (mmtwassel@aol.com).  This was the 33rd story I read for
this contest; it was the first one that made me lean back in my chair and
laugh out loud.  But it's not just funny; it's also very sexy - even though no
sex actually occurs during the story - at least not on stage.  This story uses
a wonderful combination of innocence and innuendo to answer the common
question, what can possibly go wrong (or right) if a wife puts her panties
into her husband's lunch bag instead of a napkin and the husband goes out for
lunch with someone else and passes the lunch bag unopened along to the sexy
receptionist?  The answer has something to do with one's belly button and
about 500 bees.

"Birthday Present" by OddManOut Anywhere (oddman0ut@hotmail.com).  Jeff is a
bit upset, because his girlfriend Monica has gone on an anthropological field
trip instead of being with him on his birthday. To reduce his own misery, Jeff
has decided to spend the evening of his birthday on an anthropological field
trip of sorts - that is, he goes to a frat party, where a voluptuous blonde
who is a student of animal husbandry or something hands him a note that says:
"Happy Birthday!  I'm very sorry I wasn't able to be with you today.  However,
I am giving you a present so that you won't miss me too much this week.  Your
present is named Judy, and she is a good friend of mine from the swim team.
Judy has been instructed to sexually satisfy you in any way you wish, at any
time between today and next Friday.  Upon your command, she will fuck you,
give you blowjobs, and allow you to tie her up or do anything else to her that
crosses your mind.  The only limitations on what you can do are:

1.  No permanent damage, of course.
2.  No unprotected sex.
3.  No bringing in other people.  This gift is for you alone.  I wouldn't want
to fuck other guys for your birthday, so I don't see why my proxy should,
either.

"Oh, shit!" says Jeff; "I can't do this.  It would be wrong!"  No; actually
Jeff ignores the moral ambiguity of the situation and decides not to look a
gift whore in the mouth.  Oh - and he decides to forgive Monica!

My immediate reaction was: What if this is a hoax?  I mean, how does Jeff
really know that Monica is behind the alleged gift?  What if Swimmer (the name
given to the slave/present) is just an itinerant sex maniac who wants to give
him a week of unmitigated bliss?  In addition, I'm not a lawyer or a
prostitute or anything like that, but isn't there a possibility of a bad
precedent here?  Couldn't a spouse caught in the act simply claim, "Hey!  She
told me she was a present from you!?"

Being a Master can be tough.  For example, what does a Master do when the
slave wants to do the dishes but the master wants a blowjob?  Such conflicts
are common and could result in violations of health codes in parts of
Australia.  Jeff's predicament is further complicated by the fact that Swimmer
is an excellent maid and cook: June Cleaver crossed with Pauline Reage.  I
mean, this lady actually accepts rear entries while she cooks pancakes in the
nude - generating as a by-product a small but delicious supply of syrup for
the pancakes! In addition, while having a sex slave merely distracts a guy
from doing research, it makes listening to a Statistics lecture damn near
impossible!

There could be a TV series in this: "Touched by a Swimmer."  The show could be
completely devoid of both plot and acting ability, except for attractive but
insipid protagonists who mysteriously can do almost anything while they jiggle
their tits and toss their hair from side to side and spectators ogle their
cute little asses.  The show could convey educational tidbits like those in
the story: edible underwear may be a novelty to see, but it is uncomfortable
to wear, and it is awful to the taste.  Thumbs down!  Of course, the really
"good parts" could not be shown on prime time television; these supplementary
materials would have to be accessed via website or perhaps 900 chat lines.
This idea is so crazy, it just might work!

Sometimes I "disenjoy" stories that include sexual bondage.  I get my back up
and assume that pain and degradation are bad.  But if the context is right -
for example, if after the finale of the gangbang the target's entire body is
coated in a mixture of sweat, cum, chocolate, and whipped cream, showing dark
marks where the participants had poured the hot caramel, her blond hair matted
to her skin and to itself by strings of semen, bruised around the thighs,
butt, and breasts, where six men have pawed her continuously throughout the
evening, and a huge smile on her face - well, then maybe bondage not so bad
after all.

This was a creative, well written story.  I hope to see many more by this
author.

"The Bitches Upstairs" by Mandible (" mandible"@deaths.door).  This one is
listed as "BITCHES" on its title line, but its real title is "The Bitches
Upstairs." That's not the only thing about this story that is kind of hard to
explain.  

The narrator and his roommate Gene call the girls upstairs the Bitches,
because they are haughty and beautiful. You see - bitches try to put you in
your place. If you get in a subordinate place when they put you there, you are
a wimp as far as they are concerned. If you notice them but don't seem to care
much, they are offended and try to attract you. If you become attracted, you
can then be put in your place. An easy assumption of superiority usually works
wonders on them. Our narrator has acted as though he'd just come from visiting
a chick way better than them, and barely noticed them. So he is one leg up on
them, so to speak.

So one day after Gene has gone home for vacation the phone rings and a sexy
voice tells him, "If you can get up here in five minutes with a pitcher of
margaritas, you can have a blow job."  He declines of course; but then since
it is impossible to decline cum (see first note at the beginning of this
issue) he hauls ass upstairs, but discovers that it is a prank.  But then all
three Bitches make it up to him.

This is an improbable but delightful story.

"Bonnie" by Friar Dave (Friar_Dave@mhbbs.com). Dan has company for the
weekend: his older but not-too-close cousin Mark, Mark's sexy sister-in-law
Kate, their three nubile and buxom teenage daughters, and Kate's younger
sister, the eponymous Bonnie.

Well, on Day One of the visit, Mark reveals to Dan that Kate is insatiable,
and he says that he'd like Dan to help out a bit in the bedroom.  Dan, of
course, declines.  Then Dan tells Kate that the 15-year-old daughter has been
making a play for him, and she promises to handle the situation.  Meanwhile,
11-year-old Penny keeps asking innocent but precocious questions.  All this
before our eponymous heroine has even arrived on the scene!  The action heats
up after Bonnie's arrival.  As the narrator says, "Broing!"

{I'm working on a Word for the Day program.  As you may have guessed, the Word
for Today is "Legs."  Spread the word!}

One could regard this story as a treatise on ways to deflate an aroused cock -
some using cold water and some using more interesting methods.  One could also
regard this story as an example of semi-responsible hedonism.  I wonder if
anyone has ever used that term before.

I like Friar Dave.  I really do.  But as I started reading this story, I
couldn't help saying to myself, "Aha!  I've got him.  This story is too
disjointed to earn straight 10's."  But alas!  He managed to pull it off.
That's the breaks, I guess.  This is a really sexy story.

"Cain and Abel" by Taria (Taria29b@aol.com).  This is NOT predominantly a sexy
story, but it does involve sex.  I believe there are people who would become
sexually aroused if they thought about this story, but I myself did not.
Since I am trying to review this story without ruining it for you, I cannot
tell you much about it, because part of the pleasure lies in letting you
figure out what it is that the author is talking about.  Let me just say that
this is a well written story and that the title creatively associates the
events in this story with the biblical story of Cain and Abel.  Although
conspiracy enthusiasts may disagree with me, I am confident that this story is
not an accurate depiction of historical events (because, of course, I know the
real truth).  That's enough!  If you want to know more, read the story; it's
exactly 500 words long.  If the author had room for one more word, I know
exactly what that word would be: BLAM!

"Camara, Lady of the Sword" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). This story
purports to be an ancient epic about Lady Camara of Tyberion (pronounced Ka-
ma'-rah, similar to cabana), a swordsman, archer, and minor mage, who is
skilled in unarmed combat as well as with many weapons. She is highly
knowledgeable in diverse areas, especially healing. Camara's stories may only
be told late in the evening, when innocent children, and even some innocent
wives and husbands, have retired. Few are unaffected by the proper telling of
her tales, though the reactions are often mixed.  Thou hast been warned!  {I
made that last sentence up myself!}

An epic is an extended narrative - usually (but not in this case) in poetic
format - that celebrates in elevated or dignified language the feats of a
legendary or traditional hero.  In the days before cable TV and arcade games,
bards used to travel from town to town and castle to castle and relate epics
while listeners consumed mead.  Epics don't have a climax and denouement that
follow the pattern of a normal novel or modern movie, and this may be irksome
to some readers.

I am not a sword and sorcery fan; in fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that
magick doesn't work at all and that life would be uninteresting if it did.  {I
get tired of the rules constantly changing and the ever-present deus ex
machina to solve serious problems in unrealistic ways.}  Nevertheless, I
enjoyed this tale, which presented interesting and exciting sexual activities
in the exotic context of Camara's quest for the medallion of King Merovance
and her simultaneous search for meaning in her life.  It was a very good
story.

Like most epics, this story is presented through the eyes of the bard, who is
reciting the tale to an assembled multitude and who occasionally digresses to
tell another tale at the request of a Lord or Lady.  Although you'll want to
read this entire story, the lengthy tale (360K) is subdivided into nine
chapters that permit the reader to enjoy the epic in smaller installments. 

"Carole" by Kim (Ghost@nym.alias.net). Why is Kim leaving the bar with her
panties in her pocket, and what does this have to do with Christmas?  Well,
it's because she had been thinking about her present (meaning now, not a gift)
and then somebody was kind enough to show her a possible future.  In short,
she has met Carole, who had put the scroo in Scrooge.

The sex in this story isn't actively sexy, but it's still an important part of
a very good story.  Kim weaves together several separate, vivid incidents into
a good slice-of-life plot.  Kim doesn't start this story with a claim that it
is "true"; and I seriously doubt that these things really happened to her
exactly as she describes them.  Nevertheless, this story has a ring of
authenticity to it that is often missing in stories on this newsgroup.

The only problem - and it's really a minor one - is that Kim should have
consulted her proofreader before going to press with this story.  Another 24
hours and one more set of revisions could have made this an even better story.

"Charly the Yard Guy" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith1@swbell.net). Yard-guy sex
is actually a fairly popular topic when women meet in sewing circles, at the
hairdresser's, or even at PTA executive meetings.  There's something about a
muscular young man in a sweaty tee-shirt that outlines and emphasizes those
muscles that brings out the libido in the everyday housewife.  I don't
personally know anyone who has actually fucked her yard guy, but I have heard
some wild claims and have had lots of friends who have incorporated the yard
guy into fantasies later in the evening.

Come to think of it, I DID make love to my yard guy just last week, but I had
him take a shower with me first to get rid of all those little pieces of grass
and herbicides that aren't really all that sexy.  Of course, the mitigating
circumstance in my case is that I am married to my yard guy.

Anyway, in the present story Charly the Yard Guy is actually Charlene the
16-year-old Yard Girl, who takes over the job of doing extensive yard work for
the 35-year-old neighbor when her brothers can no longer do the work.  She
quickly becomes more than a yard worker.  Although the older man tries to
resist the relationship, they fall in love and move swiftly along to a tender
and happy ending.

There are people who would label this a pedophile relationship, but that's a
silly oversimplification.  I'm not sure about this (in fact, I'm just making
it up), but I think the odds for happiness would actually be in FAVOR of a
really responsible and sensitive 16-year-old who wanted to develop a mature
relationship with a 35-year-old man - as long as the man is also a mature,
sensible man rather than a horny asshole.  The main reason to discourage such
relationships is that the result would be a tremendous loss of worthwhile
women from the dating pool for horny 16-year-old boys who couldn't compete
with the sophistication and sensitivity of their more mature competitors.

If my daughter finds this story, I want to remind her that not all that many
middle-aged men who flirt with teenagers are as wonderful as the guy in this
story.  I would also like to remind the guy that statutory rape is still a
punishable offense that is prosecuted in most jurisdictions in the western
world. 

Some people are put off by stories about taboo subjects.  It's important to
keep in mind that people are interested in taboo subjects because to some
extent these topics ARE fascinating and attractive.  There have been numerous
great books in literature and award-winning films in which the "forbidden
relationship" plays a tantalizing part.  What will happen when the strong-
willed vivacious southern belle falls in love with a man who is married to
someone else or with a man whose allegiance to the South is seriously
questioned?  What will happen when Gregory Peck is assigned to an air base in
England during World War II and faces the extraordinary danger of probably
dying in battle far away from his wife at home while he is in close contact
with a beautiful British woman?  What will happen when a widower who is ready
to marry the beautiful love of his life and resume his normal existence is
suddenly confronted by his former wife, who wasn't dead after all but has
merely been the victim of amnesia?

Blindly denying that these stories are interesting does not reduce their
attractiveness.  In real life, situations like these may cause really serious
complications and emotional problems.  I used to be amazed (watching reruns,
of course) at how much stress Little Joe used to be able to tolerate on the
Ponderosa.  The poor guy had a fiancee die at least every fourth episode, his
parents or brothers kidnapped almost weekly, and he had amnesia at least twice
a year.  The poor little kid on The Rifleman had it even worse: each week, a
group of homicidal maniacs would rob a bank, beat up his father, kidnap him (I
think his name was Marcus), and repulse his father (Lucas) the first time he
tried to rescue him. Then these assholes would be in position to kill both
Marcus and Lucas and sometimes also Micah plus an itinerant neighbor, when the
Old Man would whip out his rifle and kill all six of the bad guys on the spot.
In real life, that's stress; but that's what fiction is for.  

Getting back to sex, I think it's a really bad idea for a man to get into a
relationship with a sexy nymphomaniac who eventually refuses to let go of him
and boils the family rabbit on the kitchen stove or for a woman to become a
call girl that gets sent on a shopping spree by a handsome rich guy with whom
she eventually falls in love.  It's not all that likely that such stories
would have happy endings in real life; but "Fatal Attraction" and "Pretty
Woman" are really good movies.  Worrying about the moral ambiguity of these
movies simply makes it less likely that you will enjoy them or profit from the
vicarious experiences they convey.

So if any of you assholes out there decide to seduce my teenage daughter, you
can assume that your life will become stressful.  I'll grant the POSSIBILITY
that she might become happy with a guy twice her age; and in fact, if things
happened to her just the way they happen in this story, that would be just
swell.  But I'm going to bet on her having a lot of fun with kids her own age
and marrying a guy I consider to be a kid and all that neat kind of crap.

"Chosen" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).   The woman is a lawyer aspiring
to become a partner in an important law firm.  She receives a letter telling
her that she has been "chosen."  She thinks it's a joke and tosses it aside,
but then she discovers that several other people (including her boss) know
about her selection and consider it to be an important honor.

At this point I paused and noted to myself that this author is on a Deirdre
binge.  If he's trying to imitate Deirdre, I told myself, then the least I can
do is imitate my reviews of Deirdre.  That means I should try to predict the
ending.  This shouldn't be hard.  The woman will resist briefly but within a
day will accept the invitation and arrive at the designated place.  She will
be met by a stern woman whom she will eventually learn to address as Mistress.
She will find herself naked in a room with lots of other naked women, and
within a couple of weeks she will learn to answer to the wishes of whoever
happens to be her Master or Mistress.  This whole new lifestyle will make her
eminently but mysteriously happy.

Well, I was close.  I won't bother you with the details of where I went
astray.  The interesting thing is that even though I had a pretty good idea
where the story was probably going, the author held my attention all the way
up to the end of the story.  The constant state of tension was really well
maintained.  The author himself said he was disappointed with this as a
"Deirdre-esq."  It's a bit long for the Deirdre genre, but I thought he did an
excellent job.  In fact, I think he did a better job here than in "Deck,"
where he thought he had finally reached Deirdre euphoria.  Like Deirdre's
stories, this one lets the narrator make seemingly logical choices that get
her into a really bizarre situation involving sexual taboos.  Also like
Deirdre, the author maintains the tension of the story masterfully; and most
importantly, at the end all of the details make perfect sense.  With many of
Deirdre's stories I have been left with the impression that "this is a silly
story but I can't explain why."  That's the reaction I experienced at the end
of this story: it made no sense, but yet it made perfect sense.  

"Christmas Break" by Mat Twassel (mmtwassel@aol.com).  The man is sitting in
his office, watching the consultant finish up her work at the computer.  The
company makes screen savers, and he doesn't know for sure whether she is
testing his in-house version, which contains embedded erotic events <g>.  He
also can't help thinking about the doorknob in her hotel room and the
wonderful things the consultant might do to herself before or after a shower.
Eventually, he confronts her on the elevator with a mild sexual innuendo.  For
the denouement, you'll have to read this delightful story yourself.

"A Cold Day in Hell" by Delta (delta*@bc.sympatico.ca).  Miller is an
electronics repairman.  He just wants to be left alone.  His one true love has
gone away, and he doesn't want to take chances again.  It's not that life has
no meaning: it's just that the meaning comes from the feeling of triumph when
a piece of broken electronic equipment springs back to life.  Then he finds a
homeless young woman and brings her home - not for sex, but simply because he
just couldn't leave her there on the street.  You can probably figure out
where this story is going, but it's still very interesting to see how Delta
gets us there.  Besides, you might be surprised!

This is a long, good story with very little sex.  But the long, good part of
the story makes the short, erotic part very sexy.

"The Computer Flirt" by Taria (TariaT@aol.com).  This is an extremely creative
and sexy story.  It's about two ladies who contact another lady online for
cybersex.  Kim gives Alicia and Diana the instructions, and they do what they
are told.  A good time is had by all - including the reader.  I strongly
recommend this story.

Cybersex is an interesting topic.  There are two reasons why I myself don't
cyber: (1) I would never really know who the person is on the other end and
(2) I don't like the idea of playing with relationships .  Three reasons
actually - I'm also extremely happy with what I've got.

The upside of cybersex is that it can be extremely safe.  You can engage in
really exotic or kinky stuff without risk of STDs or physical harm.  You don't
even have to know about bad breath or middle-age bulges or any other physical
features that might interfere with more direct relationships.  In addition,
you are limited only by your imagination; and as this story shows, you can
combine cybersex with actual sex.

But there can be some downsides.  Please don't take this as a sermon.  Maybe I
am being excessively cautious.  My suggestion is simply that you think before
you pop your cybercherry.  

First, I wouldn't really know who the other person is.  It could be a guy
pretending to be a girl (or vice versa) or an eight-year-old pretending to be
twenty-eight.  It could be a person on the rebound from a shaky relationship
who expects more from cybersex than I am willing to give.  Real, in-person,
direct relationships are risky; but online relationships are extremely open to
deception.  You may not care, but at least sometimes the possibility of
deception would bother me.

Second, I don't want to jeopardize my relationship with my husband by becoming
really intimate with someone else.  I know it's across cyberspace, but
intimacy is intimacy.  I may start out being frivolous and find things getting
serious.  Even more problematic is the fact that I wouldn't really know the
personality or state of mind of the person I'm cybering with.  For example, he
may SAY he wants to just have fun, but he may actually be lonely and expect a
lot more than I am willing to give.

So how does cybersex differ from sex stories?  Well, sex stories are clearly
fiction and they are not interactive.  No real personalities are directly
involved.  For example, I can get all hot and bothered about a story, but at
least I know my relationship to the author.

Quite likely lots and lots of you disagree with me, and I sincerely hope you
have fun with your cybersex.  I merely suggest that you think before you hump
- er, jump.

"Conventional Sex" by theGreatxIam.  The best thing about this sex story is
that it is much more story than sex, but it's still a great sex story.  The
narrator is an 8th-grader in a Catholic school of the 60's.  His hormones have
begun to emerge, and he is interested in shedding his image of class geek.  He
resorts to pulling a prank on the nuns.  He and his friend pull a commando
raid into the convent, and it goes awry.  His friend is caught, and the
narrator finds himself in the cell of a naked nun. And a very beautiful naked
nun at that.  She becomes his ally and tries to help him escape, but this
effort is thwarted by the pastor's two lean Dobermans.

Returning to the safety of the nun's room, the boy recognizes in the naked nun
some basic elements of anatomy that he has seen only in Playboy magazine.  In
short, he has now seen as much of Sister Juliet as he has ever seen of any
woman, even on paper. Good Golly, Sister Molly!  Alas, the poor lad has no
means of egress and is essentially cloistered in close quarters with a naked
and nubile nun.  Well, they don't cover this sort of thing in nun school, and
there is no patron saint whose job is to watch over oversexed teenagers
putting the moves on nuns.

To put it succinctly, the boy becomes attracted to more than the nape of the
neck of the naked and nubile nun and they fuck happily and harmoniously
throughout the night.  If you can set aside the rather tenuous assumption that
the two nasty neophytes are on their way to eternal perdition, you will find
the sex to be passionate and arousing.  Except for an age difference that once
was the topic of an algebra problem on the SAT (Sister Juliet was one year
short of being twice as old as her young lover, who was twelve years younger
than she....), this young nun is in essentially the same position as Julie
Andrews in "The Sound of Music."  My rather non-tenuous assumption is that
once a nun falls off the boat, she might as well fall way off the boat - and
maybe even learn to swim.

As a former Catholic school student, I enjoyed this story immensely.

And so the Seven Dwarfs stayed overnight at a convent near a wildlife
preserve.  The next morning, the committee of six sent a representative to the
mother superior to ask if there were any nuns who were under three feet tall.
When the reply was negative, these six began chanting, "Grumpy fucked a
penguin, Grumpy fucked a penguin!"

"Correspondence" by Taria (Taria29c@aol.com).  Tari has gone away to college,
and so has her friend Kathy.  These letters from Tari to Kathy summarize her
sexual growth during her college years.

If you have ever read someone else's personal letters, you know how
interesting (or how boring!) this can be.  The letters are more interesting if
the writer is spontaneous and honest, and those words describe Tari in this
story.  There's really not much else I can tell you about this story, except
that I think you'll enjoy it.  I know I did.

At first I found this story to be a "difficult read," because the style was
jerky and there were some punctuation problems; but then I realized that the
author was trying to imitate the style of an undergrad who was hurriedly
writing her private thoughts to her best friend.  After the first two letters,
I got used to the style and enjoyed the rest of the story immensely.

"Costumes" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com).  The author does an
excellent job making the lewd and lovely, lithe and lascivious Diana seem
eminently fuckable long before the real action commences. Rarely a day goes by
when Diana doesn't surprise the narrator, and today she has decided to
brighten their daily ambiance with a simple but tasty - er, tasteful - orgy.
However, the main action occurs in her retelling of her first multiple-partner
debauchery, while the narrator stimulates her to orgasm.  In fact, if you are
currently taking a course where you are required to report on a story that
runs parallel to the Canterbury Tales, this one might be a good selection.  

The tail within a tale takes place at a Halloween party during which
inhibitions have disappeared and people are using sexually explicit tactile
clues to guess the identities of the still-masked people.  As usual at such
fictional parties, a good time is had by all.  The titillation of sex with
known-but-unknown sexual partners is extremely well done.  The author has
orchestrated an orgy in a manner that would make Mark Aster and the Allen
Sisters proud to participate.

"The Curiosity Shop" by Sven the Elder (sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk).  If I
were writing clever one-liners to entice people to read this story, I would
say, "Sven has gone Christmas shopping, but he finds a surprise present for
himself!"  The surprise present is the lovely and vivacious Jo, whose full
name is too long to print here and whose husband is away while his wife must
play.  This is a delightful little story that will take your mind off the
burdens of last-minute Christmas shopping.

Rarely do Americans find a woman who hunkers down and lets a man find her
centre.  Apparently that sort of thing is fairly common on the Island. It
sounds like a custom worth exporting.

"CYBER-CHARADE" by s.a.m. (s.a.m@usa.net).  This is a brief collection of
erotic poetry written in free verse.  I tend to shy away from poetry in these
reviews, but this is really excellent stuff - the sort of thing high school
students who don't read this newsgroup could turn in as their poetry
assignment, because the teacher could not accuse them of plagiarism without
admitting that they read this newsgroup.  Of course, the flaw in this
reasoning is that the students would probably get expelled for writing obscene
poetry anyway.

"A Daughter's Breasts" by Mark Aster (myfrthal@aol.com).  The nubile teenager
roles over and smiles at her father.  "Fuck me, Daddy!  Cum all over my tits!
Put a baby inside me!"  That's the sort of plot that this title might suggest;
but since Mark Aster wrote this story, it's nothing at all like that.  The
father does not spray his spunk all over her ass or even talk dirty about
buckets of cum in ways never seen before on the Web. Instead, we have a
meditation by a father on the emerging adolescence of his young daughter.  The
Old Man recalls his own youth and wonders what the current agents of chaos are
thinking about when they put the moves on his little girl.

(Continued in Part 2)

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