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From: <Celeste801@aol.com>
Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 301- Aug 26
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This one was too long to paste, and so I am attaching it as a textfile.
-Celeste
Celestial Reviews 301 - August 26, 1998
Note: A man and a lady, married for 20 years, aren't happy with their
sex lives. One night the wife comes home from playing bridge and says,
"Honey, Betty told me about a new position. It's called the 69. You
put your head at the south end of the bed and I put my head at the
north end of the bed. Orally, we please each other."
The husband agrees to try this position. During their session of 69,
the wife passes gas, emitting a horrible stench. The husband doesn't
think much of it and continues. A few moments pass and she does it
again. The husband is gagging from the smell.
He pats the wife on the ass and tells her, "Honey, I can't take 67
more of these!"
Second note: A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his
side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished
patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and
place my genitals inside. Then the 'gator will close his mouth for one
minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my genitals
unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will
buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured its approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped
his trousers and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth.
The 'gator closed its mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the
man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on top its
head. The 'gator opened its mouth and the man removed his genitals,
unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free
drinks was delivered.
The man then made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing
to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand
went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly said, "I'll try, but
you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
=====================
Celestial Reviews:
=====================
"Airport" by Unknown Author (satisfaction) 10, 10, 10
{Insufficient information to find link}
"Assignation" by Jane Urquhart (cyber-romance becomes real) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383134004
"A South Park Sex Story" by Leespam2 (cartoon sex) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=382912981
"Sex in His Tent" by Glossy (slut goes camping) 7, 6, 5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383104871
"In the Sand: The Saga of Ami and Sasha" by Ami and Sasha (cybersex
becomes real sex) 7, 6, 6
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384034273
"Frustration" by Phil (tantalizing storytelling) 10, 10, 10
{Not Archived}
"We'll See What Happens" by Sven the Elder (unusual one-nighter) 10,
10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384366407
"Until It Hurts" by Crimson Dragon (ff romance) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=382429137
"A Roll of the Dice" by Bernadette (cyberlovers meet) 9, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380905014
"The Masked Man" by Pipedream and Red Rose (1700s romance) 9, 7, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=376997865
"Latin Night" by Lostgirl (sexy dancing) 9, 7, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=376723395
"Sweet Milk" by Unknown Author (lactation sex) 6, 4, 4
{Unarchived}
"Night Swimming" by Vickie Morgan (sex at sea) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=378073650
"Sevin & Dominic" by Mr. J (exhibitionism) 8, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381511636
"Castle Nursery" by Uther Pendragon (solstice orgy) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384085732
"Paint" by LeAnna (voyeurism & exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383797538
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Possession" by Eazin Along (consensual power exchange).
BillyG: 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=376240419
"Vantasy" by Jenn Till (rape). Myers: 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383180607
"Airport" by Unknown Author (romantic tryst). BillyG: 10, 8, 8
"The Beach" by Jacques du Bois (Lesbian sex near the beach), Owl: 10,
10, 9
http://x14.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381517151.1&CONTEXT=904222317.1796931652
"The Beach" by Solange Lafemme (seaside masturbation). Ivan: 7, 8, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=373022492
"Friday Night Pickup" by Paris Waterman (stud service)
Nick: 8.5, 8. 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380904532
'The Friendly Couples" by Roger Grayson (swinging).
Sven: 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380909997
"Beauty Is Iron" by Cobalt Jade (fairy tale sex).
Emperor: 10, 10, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380905021
"A Moment of Daydreams" by Mildred Whittemore (sexy dream
sequence). Owl: 10, 10, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=334437884
"Miranda's Magic" by johnna@unixg.ubc.ca (romance).
Gandmar: 10, 7, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380892048
"More Than Enough" by Unknown Author (gang bang)
Gandmar: 8, 8, 4
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=377865835
"The Shower Tales: Maureen" by Steve R. (sex with voyeurism).
Ivan: 6, 6, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=172389526
"B.O.B. and Me" by Lostgirl (masturbation). BitBard: 10,10,10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=378056908
=====================
Reposted Reviews
=====================
* "Tales of the East Indies" by Sven the Elder (exotic sex)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383797547
* "Life Sentence" by Uther Pendragon (poetry - sort of) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=38328941
* "My Juno" by Morgan Preece (flirtation) 9, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383104840
* "Art Class" by Mike Hunt (small group study session)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383104833
======================
Old Spam Contest Stories
======================
* "My Nipples Explode With Delight" by The Bear (transgender)
10, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=276630220
* "All This for Only 79 Cents?" by The Bear (chaotic blowjob)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=274551223
* "Look What I Did When My Boyfriend Left for the Weekend"
by The Bear (humor) 10, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=274681716
* "Barbie is Waiting" by R Rivers (spam contest) 8, 9, 9
{unarchived}
* "Young Dumb and Full of Cum" by Mike Hunt (spam contest)
10, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=278687389
* "1997 Teen Blow Job Tournament" by Daphne Xu (oral sex)
9.5, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=279912118
* "SPAM CONTEST" by Taria (spam contest) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=281162242
* "The Morning After" by Tom Bombadil (spam contest)
10, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=285802333
* "Tasty Young Coeds" by Johnny D (spam snuff) 10, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=293903296
=========================
On This Day In Celestial History
Celestial Reviews 112 - Aug 28, 1996
=========================
* "Letter Found Near a Suicide" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
(unanswered love) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=177482824
* "More Congenial Spot" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
(emerging sexuality) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=177482828
* "A Rude Awakening" by Michael Dagley (reformed
virgin on a binge) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=272178107
* "Elizabeth & Anastasia" by Tom Bombadil (ff romance)
10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1755.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1758.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1757.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1759.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1761.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1741.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1744.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1743.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1745.txt
==================
"Airport" by Unknown Author ().
Actually, the title is misleading. The story only STARTS in the
airport. The real eroticism begins during the ride home from the
airport, while the damsel in distress with the bodaciously beautiful
body slithers and writhes in the passenger seat sans panties but cum
lots of other accoutrements. But suddenly the perspective shifts from
his view between her legs to her own brain a few hours ago, as she
contemplates the impending desolation of being alone at the end of her
air trip to Houston. The first shift in perspective jarred me a
little, but I soon learned to relax and enjoy it, while the
perspective shifted from his to hers as the sexy couple progressed
through their adventure.
This is an exceptionally good story. If you skip it, you'll be
missing one of the best stories of this month.
Special note: This author does a splendid job at a task that every
author should master: making a woman sound beautiful without
expressing her bust size in mathematical notation.
Quibble department: "As we continued down the corridor, she matched my
pace as I carried the luggage, which was no big deal." Question: WHAT
was no big deal - his carrying the luggage or her matching his pace.
Using a relative clause to modify a clause (rather than to modify a
noun or pronoun), is often confusing. In this case, it's no big deal;
but consider this possibility: "She gave me a blowjob after I
recovered from the beating, which was just what I had hoped for." Get
my drift? {Note: This mistake is an aberration. This author
actually uses the English language extremely effectively. Just as
some guys just can't pass up a niece piece of ass, a good English
teacher can't pass up a chance for a lesson on ambiguous sentence
syntax on alt.sex.stories - which is abbreviated ass on a.s.s.}
Ratings for "Airport"
Athena (technical quality):
Venus (plot & character):
Celeste (appeal to reviewer):
"Assignation" by Jane Urquhart. (Janey98@hotmail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383134004
The word "Assignation" has three meanings. The only one relevant to
this story is "3. An appointment for a meeting between lovers; a
tryst."
The subject of the present case study is a woman who holds an
honorable place within her community but writes salacious stories, and
release of this information would be disastrous. She has jokingly
suggested to an on-line admirer that he ought to try to detect her
true identity. Surprisingly, he has made the attempt and has
succeeded; and now she must pay the piper by meeting with him. She is
not really distressed. "In fact, she was filled with delight. She
chose to believe that her very lack of choice released her from any
possible twinge of conscience. Her husband and children would be at
the grandparents' cottage, where she had to be the following day. No
one would ever know where she had been that night; no one would be
hurt. Moreover, having corresponded for some time with her soon-to-be
lover, she was confident that he would make her adventure worth
remembering for the rest of her life. Fantasies were all very well,
but reality would be vastly better."
I'm not going to tell you how this all plays out. Instead I'll tell
you how I (moi, as the characters in this story might say) would deal
with this. If someone broke my cover and invited me to have a
romantic tryst with him, I would have him assassinated, as plain and
simple as that. The characters in this story each have their own
personalities, and they are each devoted to a spouse to whom they
intend to remain faithful and with whom they plan to continue to build
a relationship. That makes four individual personalities, without
counting children or other collaterals, as military analysts would
call them. While I immensely enjoy the fantasies I read and write
about, an actual romantic involvement with someone else would affect
not only me but these other three personalities as well. I may decide
to pull back, and he may not, or vice versa. My active affection for
this man might alter my unconscious actions toward my husband, who
would respond equally unconsciously toward me in such a way as to fuck
up something beautiful that he and I have worked on. And while he
would be trusting me to be acting honestly, I would be acting under a
different set of rules about which he would know nothing. Etc. No, it
would be easier to kill the fantasy lover as soon as he stepped over
the line. As far as I am concerned, "Fatal Attraction" is a book of
the bible.
I don't think I'll really have to kill anyone. As the nuns used to
say in elementary school, "A word to the wise is sufficient."
Fortunately, the author has no such qualms - at least not in her
story. Her story is sexier than my morose cogitations. And since the
story is a fantasy rather than a newspaper account of a stalker
emerging from cyberspace, I found it to be a simply excellent story.
This is not a Janey story, and there's no reason to believe that it's
really autobiographical or even auto-fanciful; but it was certainly
erotic - both auto and otherwise.
Ratings for "Assignation"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A South Park Sex Story" by Leespam2 (leespam2@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=382912981
This story is a parody of the cartoon that appears weekly on Comedy
Central {American cable TV}, in which a group of pre-adolescents
engage in grotesquely dysfunctional but funny behaviors. This parody
has minor grammatical glitches, but it is genuinely well done. The
story ends kind of stupidly, but as I said, this is a parody of "South
Park."
"South Park" aficionados will almost certainly enjoy this clever
parody. People unfamiliar with that show will probably find this to
be pointless.
The one mistake in the plot is that nobody kills Kenny. Those bastards!
Ratings for "A South Park Sex Story
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Sex in His Tent" by Glossy (takeme@iamit.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383104871
The woman breaks up with a guy in California, and so she drives over
to Arizona and meets a guy in a campground and has sex with him in his
tent. There's not a lot of personality development; but then lots of
real people - even high government officials - are like that, I
suppose. The story just ends with a suggestion that "maybe there will
be more."
My advice to the author would be to have an entire plot in mind and to
proofread the story more carefully before posting the next one.
Ratings for "Sex in His Tent"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"In the Sand: The Saga of Ami and Sasha" by Ami and Sasha
(amiandsasha@my-dejanews.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384034273
This story has potential, but it just isn't there yet. I suspect it
was written as a "whipsaw" story - Ami writes something about a
fantasy of sex in Hawaii and sends it to Sasha, who adds some more
prose and sends it back to Ami, who adds a little more and sends it
back to Sasha, etc. Such stories usually mean more to the two authors
than they do to anyone else, and this one seems to fit that pattern.
Collaborative authorship offers the opportunity for
cross-fertilization and for one author to tell the other what needs to
be done to improve the story; but this rarely happens in practice.
Instead of making suggestions to improve the most recent installment,
the second author tends to "know what she meant" and to go ahead and
whip off another installment. The result of two authors working
together without revising their work is almost invariably just a
little worse than a single author screwing up by herself.
The authors need to step back and say, "How does this story look to
someone who is not one of us? How do we need to modify it for a more
general audience?" Then they should have proofread it.
Ratings for "In the Sand"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Frustration" by Phil (no further information available).
The narrator is a painter who is enlisted as a confidante for a
newlywed lass who was a virgin on the night she married a bloke whose
Whopper was a lot bigger than the ordinary Big Mac. In fact, her
initial payment of the marriage debt has rendered her a bit bowlegged.
She has no lady friends yet in this part of the country and hubby is
away seeking employment in the big city; and so she shares her
thoughts and feelings with the painter, who functions as a na•ve but
effective Rogerian counselor. That is, instead of saying, "Tell me
more," his eyes get wide and he marvels, "Really!?"
He takes a break, and they have a picnic. They continue talking about
sex, and it becomes his responsibility to serve as a surrogate sex
educator. This goes on for a long time, but somehow the author
manages to maintain our interest.
American readers will be concerned when Angela describes her husband
examining her with a torch. Don't be upset: it's a flashlight. But
this incident reminded me of the first dirty joke I heard as a child.
Little Johnny was going to the bathroom - er, to the loo, I think. He
saw his mother naked in the bathtub, and noticed her vagina. "What's
that?" asked Little Johnny. Blushing, the mother responded, "That's
my tunnel." The next day he was taking a leak again when he saw his
dad's dick, which was a lot bigger than his own. What's that?" asked
Little Johnny. Taken aback, the father answered, "I call that my
flashlight." Little Johnny was puzzled, but he zipped up and went to
his room. Later at the dinner table, Johnny said, "Dad, why don't you
shine your flashlight up Mom's tunnel?"
I heard this story from an older boy, who had no idea what it meant.
There may have been a priest or minister present at the dinner table
in the joke. I think the cleric may have spit out his food, and
that's what my na•ve sophisticate thought was funny.
Anyway, this is an excellent story with a surprise ending.
Ratings for "Frustration"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"We'll See What Happens" by Sven the Elder (sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384366407
The title refers to this line from the story: "I'll just slip between
you two, give it a jerk, and we'll just see what happens!" I'm sure
that makes matters a lot clearer to you.
Sven is traveling in Nevada. He finds the Las Vegas gambling
atmosphere to be a bit overwhelming. He is much more comfortable and
happier with the charms of the lady who uttered the above line and
could use her toes as dexterously as most people can use their
fingers.
Ratings for "We'll See What Happens"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Until It Hurts" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=382429137
Have you ever awakened at 5:28 AM, feeling like shit warmed over, with
a painful headache and a feeling that you don't know where you are and
with a strange woman's hand cupping your breast while she sleeps next
to you? Well, I haven't - not all of the above, that is. Not at 5:28
AM anyway.
This story falls under the category of Things That Your Mother Was
Probably Right About When She Warned You About Them But Which Sound
Like A Good Idea Near Closing Time And Which Might Work Out OK If You
Get Lucky As Hell. The Dewey Decimal System used to have a number
reserved for books on this topic.
The title is taken from advice to runners, which goes something like
this: "If you wanta become good, you gotta run until it hurts." It's
an adaptation of the "no pain no gain" theorem - and also a metaphor
for life.
The basic plot deals with a woman who has violently broken up with her
fiance after he confessed that he had been boinking his secretary. She
gets drunk, finds herself in the arms of another woman, and adjusts
and goes on with her life. It's an excellent story.
This story brought back memories for me. One of my all-time favorite
songs is "Jose Cuervo" by Shelly West. That song's opening lines will
tell you why this story reminded me of it:
Well it's Sunday Mornin'
And the sun in shinin'
In my eye that is open
And my head is spinnin'
I was the life of the party
I can't stop grinnin'
I had too much Tequila last night
Actually, it's not all that great a song, I guess. But that singer
really turned my husband on, and that turned me on. For about a year
all I had to do was pop that tape into the stereo - no it wasn't an
eight-track tape - and I had him eating out of my hand:
Jose Cuervo you are a friend of mine
I like to drink you with a little salt and lime
Did I kiss all the cowboys?
Did I shoot out the lights?
Did I dance on the bar?
Did I start a fight?
Yep, Things That Your Mother Was Probably Right About When She Warned
You About Them But Which Sound Like A Good Idea Near Closing Time And
Which Might Work Out OK If You Get Lucky As Hell.
Now wait a minute
Things don't look too familiar
Who is this cowboy
Who's sleepin' beside me?
He's awful cute, but how'd I
Get his shirt on?
I had too much Tequila last night
Our daughter who was conceived around that time was lucky that she
wasn't a boy. We were considering naming a boy JC. My mother thought
those initials stood for "Jesus Christ." She didn't drink much or
speak Spanish. Nor did I, for that matter.
I watched a news show the other day in which some "experts" were
denouncing "the porn industry" for causing all kinds of problems in
society. This song is a perfect example of how wrong they can be. I
didn't frequent honky tonks, I had never awakened next to a cowboy
whose shirt I was wearing, and I didn't even like Tequila. Even
though I listened to that song about a thousand times within a year or
so, none of this has changed - except that I speak a little more
Spanish now.
My husband is in for a wild time tonight. I'm going to find that tape.
Ratings for "Until It Hurts"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Barley Legal Teens" by Bronwen (bronwensm@writehand.clara.net).
Unless you look at this title carefully, you'll miss its point. Usenet
has generated an elite coterie of scholars known as spammers -
dysfunctional dullards who post vast quantities of useless and
inappropriate messages in newsgroups in such a way as to demonstrate
their pathetic ineptitude while annoying the regular users and
disrupting the newsgroup as much as possible. On a.s.s. these
simpletons post vast quantities of wannafucks and advertisements about
supposedly free pictures of naked women allegedly engaging in explicit
sexual activities and nubile teenagers who want to lose their
virginity to people who will talk to them on the telephone.
Astute observers have resigned themselves to this sort of foolishness,
and most of us simply ignore the spam or filter it out. Lord Malinov
tried a more creative approach with his Spam Contest in the Fall of
1997. The idea was that authors had to incorporate spam into their
stories. The contest drew some good stories, and I'll repost my
reviews of several of them.
Back to the present story - the title focuses on the fact that
spammers typically can't even spell their titles correctly. The
original spam title was supposed to refer to BARELY legal teenagers -
as in just beyond jailbait. Bronwen has seized upon this literary
peccadillo and has written a story about teens doing it in barley
fields on a small island just off the coast of Europe.
This is a wonderful story, and I won't risk ruining it by trying to
summarize it. Just let me point out that although it may be LEGAL -
albeit barely legal - to do it with barley, it's a bit risky. In my
opinion, those other blokes had it right when they recommended
strawberry fields forever.
Ratings for "Barley Legal Teens"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Roll of the Dice" by Bernadette (bernadette@yahoo.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380905014
This is a very difficult story to summarize without ruining it for
potential readers. And I can't even tell you why, because that would
ruin the suspense of the story.
I guess the best I can do is say that this is a story in which
cyberlovers eventually get together in Las Vegas. They roll the dice -
take a chance to see if things will work out in person as well as or
even better than they have through email and on the phone. Let me
just add that things work out differently than they do in most
cybersex stories.
Ratings for "A Roll of the Dice"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"The Masked Man" by Pipedream and Red Rose (redrose@titan.ucs.umass.edu).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=376997865
The second author is really Sarah Fox Jahn, whose "Little Red Riding
Hood" and "Steel and Iron" have received high CR ratings.
What we have here is a story written in a sort of romantic/Victorian
style about a woman meeting a man at an 18th-century masquerade party
and then making passionate love with him. I guess if you get really
high on this sort of period stuff, this might be a really good story.
As it was, I found it to be extremely predictable. Not bad, just
predictable.
Ratings for "The Masked Man"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Latin Night" by Lostgirl (lostgirl33@hotmail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=376723395
I think my review of this story may be a little unfair. Midway
through the story, I lost interest in it. I finished the story, but
it seemed to me that I was missing something. I think the problem is
that this story depends heavily on familiarity with the type of
dancing in which the characters participate. This type of dancing is
not my thing, and so I became distracted by reading for information
(to figure out what was happening). Someone already familiar with the
dancing might be able to zero in on the emotions, which are the
author's main interest.
Ratings for "Latin Night"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Sweet Milk" by Unknown Author.
I have no idea why I read this story. It has no name on it, and the
topic doesn't turn me on; but it showed up in my "Must Read" folder.
Maybe somebody sent it to me with a plea that I review it.
Synopsis: A woman is breastfeeding her baby when her sister arrives
for a visit. So she sets the baby aside, breastfeeds her sister, and
they both have orgasms. Deep stuff. I am by no means denying that
having a lover suck milk from a woman's breast can be an erotic
experience, but this is simply a lame plot.
The story doesn't give a geographical location, but somehow it
reminded me of this joke:
Do you know why the tests on Clinton's DNA and Monica's dress were
inconclusive? Because everybody in Arkansas has the same DNA.
That can't be true, can it?
Ratings for "Sweet Milk"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"Night Swimming" by Vickie Morgan (artemis55@hotmail.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=378073650
The woman has taken her mother and friend to the coast for a weekend
of shopping and loafing. They are happy, but she is bored. Late at
night she goes for a nude swim in the ocean, and she gets bored in a
more interesting way.
This is a very short story with little plot or character development
but good descriptions that are really quite sexy. It was certainly
worth the five minutes it took to read it!
Ratings for "Night Swimming"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Sevin & Dominic" by Mr. J (mr_j@my-dejanews.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381511636
Sevin dresses seductively and gets onto the elevator for the long
descent from the 53rd floor of her hotel. She's going to strut her
stuff. Unfortunately, one of her Ben Wa balls pops out in the
elevator. This is why Emily Post specifically recommends not wearing
Ben Wa balls in public; or as Miss Manners says, "If you must do so,
at least wear underpants." As it is, the man in the elevator simply
picks it up, gives it a quick sniff and a lick, and departs with it on
the Mezzanine level.
When the man eventually returns the ball, Sevin is seated in a busy
restaurant, bringing herself to orgasm while watching a couple at a
nearby booth pleasure each other under the table. Indeed, the man
reinserts the ball just where it used to be. The events are
improbable but sexy.
This story is incomplete, but the author has ideas for more chapters.
Ratings for "Sevin & Dominic"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Castle Nursery" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384085732
Lord Malinov has sponsored two orgies that I know about - one at a
castle to celebrate the winter solstice and another on a tropical
island to celebrate the vernal equinox. In this story Uther
Pendragon, "the most vanilla author on alt.sex.stories," displays his
charms first by playing with the Allen twins and then by fucking their
aunt's brains out.
To enjoy stories from Malinov's orgies it's useful to know something
about the authors who write here. In this case, Pat and Julie are the
Allen Sisters from the stories of Mark Aster. The Kitten and her
parents (cited obliquely in the present story) are characters from
Uther's own Brennan saga. It's useful to know that whereas Pat and
Julie spontaneously fuck and share anyone whom they like, the Brennans
are a thoroughly monogamous couple who are bringing up a family in
America as It Should Be.
As I started this story, I knew that the author could not successfully
straddle these two worlds. But by damn, he did!
Ratings for "Castle Nursery"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Paint" by LeAnna (leanna1@hotmail.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383797538
In this story we get to sit in on a psychotherapy session. The client
is describing how he watches a woman paint herself in erotic ways.
She seems to want to do her work alone, but she also seems to be aware
that he is watching. He knows that it is somehow wrong for him to
watch her, but he also knows that it is somehow necessary for him to
do so.
This guy is confused, but then that's why he's receiving therapy.
This is a realistic analysis of this kind of behavior. There's
probably a little of this in all of us.
Ratings for "Paint"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Possession" by Eazin Along (EazinAlong@aol.com). Guest Review by
BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=376240419
"Possession" is the delightful literary equivalent of Screw the Roses,
Send me the Thorns. For those of you who fined no particular positive
energy in non-consensual erotica, check out this story by EazinAlong.
It's a beautiful example of consensual power exchange. It speaks to
the enhanced erotic tug of trust and risk, expectation and surprise.
The plot is straightforward and to the point. The protagonists, a man
and a woman, remain somewhat mysterious, for they remain nameless.
She agrees in some prior negotiation to do his bidding without
restraint. The operative word here is 'agrees' for this is a
consensual tale. "Freedom" is their safe word; she has only to utter
this word and everything stops. They both know she always has a way
out. Will she choose it? After some very sexy play, he edges her
into new, unexpected territory.
It's a recommended read to experience their erotic play and taste the
emotions of consensual power exchange.
Ratings for "Possession"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Vantasy" by Jenn Till (JennTill1@Hotmail.com). Guest review by Dave
Myers.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383180607
Most rape stories tend to follow pretty established lines. What
surprised me most about this selection was not some spark of a great
new theme, but actually the control that the author displays given a
very typical plot. The execution and stylization is just right. There
is nothing here except a good knock-down drag-out fuck-me hard
gang-bang-turned-fantasy story.
This is a very hot upcoming author. I look forward to more of her
stories. Check out her site:
http://www.asstr.ml.org/~Kristen/jenntill.htm
Ratings for "Vantasy": 10
"Airport" by Unknown Author. Guest Review by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com)
"Airport" is a lusty story that's told in the first person from two
different perspectives, his and hers. It's almost entirely narrative
- the thoughts and views of either the man or the woman who is telling
the story at that juncture. There's no temporal confusion: it's
complete; there are no missing time segments; each event is told
twice.
The story's upbeat and positive and very sexy. He picks her up in an
airport in a smooth and polished manner. There are no crude or rude
come ons. He's hot for her and we know it. As well, she knows what's
happening and her feelings are reciprocal. It's no surprise that they
get it on straight away, and then again, and then still again.
The story chronicles a short period of time in lengthy detail, a bit
too lengthy for my taste. It turns out to be less a story than an
exquisitely complete narrative of who did what. The characters are
well described, but for purposes of development, they're not disclosed
in depth. Shortly, we're left with a sweet, consensual sex story that
ends with post-orgasmic lethargy and no promise.
I could hear Peggy Lee singing, "Is that all there is?"
Ratings for "Airport"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 8
"The Beach" by Jacques du Bois (sejdb@altern.org). Guest review by
Watchful Owl.
http://x14.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=381517151.1&CONTEXT=904222317.1796931652
Lesbian sex near the beach. That almost sums it up, but not quite.
The scene opens on a lonely woman, remembering her husband in many
flowery metaphors. (Not profane, but flowery: "His empty promises
stretched like the sea.")
As she sits, gazing out at the ocean, a woman appears to seduce her.
After token resistance, they do the deed and her new lover must leave
again.
The writing in this piece was a little too flowery for my tastes. The
plot, although a bit odd, served our purposes well enough. If you're
up for sex with spiritual manifestations and don't mind overly worded
phrases, this is worth a read.
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Watchful Owl (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Beach" by Solange Lafemme (my_masters_slave@hotmail.com). Guest
reviewed by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13172.txt
---
http://x8.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=373022492
We have three categories to rate these stories, but I sometimes think
there should be a fourth. I've read several stories recently where
the setting is just as important as the plot or characters. Bernadette
and Crimson Dragon spring to mind as authors who make great use of
their settings.
"The Beach" is a story where setting is everything. In this story, a
woman wanders off to an isolated stretch of beach and masturbates
while thinking of her lover.
That's really all there is to it. But Solange Lafemme does a very
nice job making me feel like I am right there on the rocks, watching,
as she pulls on her nipples and rubs her clit.
Technically, the word "i" is left in lower case throughout; based on
the author's email name, I'm guessing this may be a submissive game of
some kind. The narrator also refers to the object of her fantasies in
second person, although in this particular story, that's only a small
distraction.
This is a nice story from a first time author. Check it out.
Ratings for "The Beach"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character & setting): 8
Ivan (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Friday Night Pickup" by Paris Waterman
(http://www.members.xoom.com/Pandas_Pen/index.html). Review by Nick
(e-mail Nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380904532
This is potentially a very funny story, but it needs some more good lines.
The story is the second of a series featuring the exploits of a guy
called Warren. Warren is a kind of "Fonzie" character (from "Happy
Days," if you can remember that), except that he is even more "over
the top". Unfortunately he also takes himself far too seriously (or
the writer does); and in the end, he turns out to be a rather
unpleasant person.
It starts with Warren appearing in his local bar and "captivating"
everyone by singing to the barmaid. The jukebox is unplugged and the
whole of page 2 is spent on the libretto of his song and how the crowd
sings along with him. It may be a cultural thing and it maybe that we
Brits are fundamentally miserable, but in one of our pubs, the
unplugging of the jukebox would be greeted by at least one cry of "Oi,
I was listening to that!". On completion of the song there would be
several anonymous shouts of "Wanker!".
We are told how handsome he is and there are references to his white
teeth - presumably false, (I'm sure his real ones would have been
knocked from his face ages ago). We are told how, on goosing "plain
Janes" front bottom, she collapses with an immediate orgasm (instead
of breaking yet another set of false teeth!).
He eventually picks on Gail. She is the "lucky" person who gets to
take him home, fist herself, enjoy anal sex and suck his shitty cock
before being "educated" to the fact that she is bisexual by Warren,
who somehow knew when she didn't! He likes her presumably because she
is "feisty". We know this because she actually hesitates before going
to the ladies to remove her panties so that he can sniff them and see
if she "passes" his test.
While in the ladies she finds it full of women listening at one of the
booths to one of their number masturbating to Warren. When Gail gets a
booth to herself, she is dignified enough not to be so loud about it
(I think it's her seventh orgasm that evening, but I'm not sure).
Well, there's a flavour of it.
My own marks: Technique 7, Plot/Character 6, Appeal to me 8 (well I got
some fun out of it, if only by writing this).
Celestial Marks:
Technique: 8.5
Plot/Character 8
Projected Appeal 7
'The Friendly Couples" by Roger Grayson (posted by TheEditor
grobert@IDT.NET).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380909997
Review by Sven the Elder, who may be contacted at
Sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk
I guess all of Celeste's guest reviewers get blooded on a 50,000-word,
close to 100 page blockbuster at some stage. {Celestial note: <hee,
hee!>} Well after I read a number of the stories posted by TheEditor
in the past, Celeste has asked me to review this one. I have to admit
to finding it a pleasurable experience.
This is the story of Janet and Greg Richards, and their new friends
from the same Company, Martin and Darleen Kelly.
Martin and Darleen have been planning the introduction of their new
friends into a little bit of swapping. Greg has been working too hard
and has been neglecting his slightly prudish, Midwest wife. Janet, has
been starved of her love and affection, so when the newly promoted
Greg has to fly suddenly down to Dallas on business and miss out on
the party the four have arranged..... You get the picture, Darleen
becomes unavailable and the scene is set for Martin to take a rather
intoxicated Janet out on his own.
The twists and turns of a furious seduction, powered by alcohol and
'an aphrodisiac' are well described, as is the blackmail that follows
and the night of aphrodisiac fuelled sex that follows.
The descriptions are excellent, if a little cliched in the way of
other stories I have read that the 'Editor' has posted in the past. I
have to say that having read those, this story follows in the same
lines - wronged wife, seeking revenge against an uncaring husband,
followed by remorse, followed by blackmail, followed by - well you
get the picture and may well have read others in the genre.
But - and this is a big but, this is a very well written story, in a
good Style that is easy and entertaining to read and has some very
sexy scenes in it. As a story the threads might well be taken from
folks fantasies of how they would like this type of scenario to affect
them, or not as the case may be.
It also shows the downside of such relationship with what can only be
described as a rather fraught homecoming to a very frightened wife,
which changes as Greg admits to the reason for the blackmail.
Now at this point I am not going to expose the plot any further. It
twists and turns and goes deeper than you might imagine. There are
dilemmas to suit all tastes. Sex scenes that come close to being over
the top, perhaps they are, but they are still, in the main, enjoyable.
The climax of the story, in every sense of the word is simply awesome.
I enjoyed it all, even if there were a little more cliches than I
would normally care for. Somehow, they worked.
Ratings for "The Friendly Couples"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Beauty Is Iron" by Cobalt Jade (CobaltJade@aol.com). Guest review by
Iron Emperor (ironemperor@yahoo.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380905021
Synopsis: As they say in the fairy tales - far away, in a far away
land there lived an empress who ruled the kingdom of Thorzaan and some
twenty other kingdoms. This empress was not a kind empress, but rather
an empress through magic and power. As iron was the most precious
mineral in that land (and also the strongest), and as she controlled
most of the iron in the land, she became an unbeatable ruler. Opposers
to her throne (actually it was more a helm than a throne) who were
caught were court martialled by her and usually sentenced to death.
After their father, the Duke Stonebridge, tried, fatally (to him) to
assassinate the empress, his twin daughters were captured and brought
back to trial. In the beginning of the story we see the twins naked on
the floor of the empress's castle bound by wire cables. After a short
trial they are found guilty of treason (unbelievable, don't you
think?); but instead of sentencing them to death, the empress sends
all of her court away, saying that she will deal with these two in
private.
Well she does deal with them all right. Let's see if I can guess the
rest of the story - F/F, mc - I believe I can. Alas, Cobalt Jade has
a few twists and surprises in his/her hat (or should I say helm) for
me. Well, you'll have to read the story to find out.
And now, ladies in gentlemen, may I have the envelope please. As for
the technical side of the story, no trouble here, written in the
language of most fairy tales and with only very few spelling errors,
most of which are missing spaces in some of the phrases (bootheels <->
boot heels). So a 10 is deserved and given here.
Regarding the plot & character side of the story, the author says this
story is based on a Grimm Brothers fairy tale - it is, which one? I've
tried looking into the original work but had no help finding it.
Anyway, the story is fluent, the characters are as you say, round,
though they are slim and nice looking. But, beware, you all, this is
hardly a stroke story. Well, I did have half an erection reading it,
except for about 5 minutes where it subsided due to lack of sexual
stimulation.
Nonetheless, this is an erotic fantasy, and as such I have enjoyed
reading it. So if you are tired from old fashioned tales in which the
good always wins and were you wished little red riding hood to show
some curves to the bad wolf, you can read Cobalt Jade's story and
believe you'll have an enjoyable half an hour.
As a result the final points are:
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Emperor (appeal to reviewer): 8 (I wish there were more sexual
descriptions)
"A Moment of Daydreams" by Milford Whittemore
(milfordw@worcester.net). Guest review by Watchful Owl.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=334437884
A single word springs to mind when one reads this story: short. I've
read a few of the "snapshot" series of stories, and this is barely
more than that, taking up about three electronic pages. The plot: a
man sees an attractive girl from across the room and lapses into a
graphic dream sequence. Yes, I can identify with this (grin) but I
felt that the story's length detracted from its enjoyment.
Thinking it over, though, I suppose the length is appropriate. Your
daydreams never last long, and it does convey that imagery very well.
Besides, it's a refreshing change from the usual "first woman
mentioned is marked for sexual activity" stuff we usually come across.
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10 (for the story's length, he does a good job
in giving us an accurate picture of the characters)
Watchful Owl (appeal to reviewer): 9 (it was just too darn short :))
"Miranda's Magic" by johnna@unixg.ubc.ca . Guest Review by Mary Jorsay
Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=380892048
If this JDR repost has been reviewed earlier, I've missed both story
and review - and I can only hope it wasn't panned, for this one is a
beauty. I can't recall when last I so enjoyed, and was so moved, by an
erotic short story.
Actually, it's hardly a story, in the sense that it has no plot
whatever. It only describes the author and her lover/husband having
consensual sex.. But to use a word like "only" (or any equivalent) in
describing this piece of writing is to do it manifest injustice. It is
passionate writing, deeply felt, extremely sensitive. The author
savoured every second of the sex, not just because of the physical
pleasure it afforded her, but, more subtly and more importantly,
because of the person with whom she was having sex. There is a
full-blown relationship here, founded on something more lasting than
naked lust. It is, indeed, what someone once called 'true lust' - the
passion that springs not only from physical awareness and desire, but
from a complex of other, more substantial factors, - emotional,
psychological and ethical. While it happens, the sex is extremely
erotic - it is powerfully realized, graphic, superbly detailed,
extremely arousing.
But this is not just an 'I had great sex' narrative - the incident has
been drawn from the depths of memory, where it has long lain in a vein
of gold. In its resurrection, and the re-telling born of that
resurrection, there is almost as much passion as there was during the
incident itself. But now there is something else, a tempering if you
like, a tinge of pathos for that which was, and which, inevitably,
must remain in the past. If anything, the memory is even more precious
than the moment itself. And it is this aspect, and the concluding line
where, after so much energetic and driving sex, there is the gentle
aftermath, and a new beginning, that made the story very special for
me. Alas, it's not the kind of story that can sustain a sequel, or
further developments - but that is both its tragedy and its success.
Athena (Technical Quality) : 10
Venus (Plot & Character) : 7
Mary (Appeal to reviewer) : 10
"More Than Enough" by Unknown Author (al3alfa@hotmail.com). Guest
Review by Mary Jorsay Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=377865835
I've probably missed a deadline or seven in getting this review in,
but still, better late than never as the actress said to the Bishop.
I found this story deeply disturbing. Fundamentally, it's about a
small-built woman, Mary, getting gang-banged by (I think I might have
lost count) by 7 men (all black) and her husband as well. It begins
promisingly, with the husband-author encouraging the wife to
fornicate, she resisting, then giving in. The scene shifts to a bar
where Mary, slightly inebriated, allows herself to be felt up, and
then repairs to the motel room with her 'pick-up', her husband-author
following.
At this point, the story moves into another gear. Really, it could
have gone anywhere, there might have been good consensual sex, group
sex, lots of action mingled with plenty of feeling. I think the author
tries, but I'm not sure he's pulled it off. The sex is there in plenty
- relentless, aggressive, even violent (the husband gets slapped
around a bit) and, at times, is actually rape, especially when a man
with a huge 12 inch cock fucks Mary hard and deep. The husband is made
to watch, then participate in a variety of ways I won't bother to
detail.
If you're the kind that likes to masturbate while reading erotica,
then this is probably the story for you. If not, well, you might share
my reaction. For some time, I couldn't quite put my finger on what
precisely in the story distressed me so - finally, I decided it was
the author's approach to his 'wife' while describing the sex. Given
that it's certainly excessive, I should have expected greater trauma
and anguish in the man's mind. Therefore, when, after expressing his
anxiety, he proceeds to join the fray, I found myself put off. The
lady, meanwhile, is full of dope and drink and can't seem to get
enough, but keeps begging for more. This she gets. But apart from
reciting her love-calls, there is no attempt to describe or empathize
or project into her mind. Structurally, I would have been more
satisfied if the husband-author's point of view was interrupted by
passages ostensibly by the wife, describing her reactions and feelings
at the time. This doesn't happen and I couldn't help getting the
feeling that she was being treated as an agglomeration of receptacles,
which put me off. This is not to suggest that the writing is bad or
not erotic -but, perhaps, it's really not for me.
Athena (Technical Quality) : 8
Venus (Plot & Character) : 8
Mary (Appeal to reviewer) : 4
"The Shower Tales: Maureen" by Steve R. Guest reviewed by Poison Ivan
(poisoniv1@hotmail.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14688.txt
---
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384051142
"The Shower Tales" is apparently a collection of stories that
chronicle the real life sexual adventures of the author. In this
chapter, the narrator heads to Carbondale to find a young college
girl. Maureen is the one he hooks up with.
Maureen gets off on making guys come. There's a quick fuck on the
couch. Later, they end up in Maureen's room, which she shares with
three other college girls. They fuck a couple times in Maureen's bed
while Maureen's roommate surreptitiously watches and masturbates.
This story definitely feels like a small chapter plucked out of a
larger whole, and I'm afraid it doesn't stand very well on its own.
The characters aren't very real. I didn't get a good vision of either
Steve or Maureen.
Commas are badly abused in this story, too.
I usually enjoy stories with a little voyeurism or exhibitionism in
them, so I kind of liked the bedroom sex scenes. I can see this story
working as stroke material.
Ratings for "The Shower Tales: Maureen"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Ivan (appeal to reviewer): 7
"B.O.B. and Me" by Lostgirl (lostgirl33@hotmail.com). Guest review by
BitBard (bitbard@newsguy.com).
A woman's sexuality is terribly exciting to men. I've heard it's even
terribly exciting to women. In recent discussions on ASSD the vote is
pretty much in the minority that men masturbating or men engaged in
sexual activities with each other is exciting. However let two women
start touching and petting each other and the blood pressure starts to
rise. A woman alone, stimulating herself to orgasm may just be a
universal turn-on.
B.O.B. in this story stands for "Battery Operated Boyfriend" otherwise
known as a vibrator. A toy the woman of this story is going to
eventually have a very good time with. Before that happens though,
this story gives us a wonderfully rare glimpse into a woman's emerging
sexuality told in an engaging and humorous manner.
By the time B.O.B takes center stage the reader is left feeling that
maybe women actually enjoy masturbation for the same reason guys do.
When B.O.B. starts buzzing with excitement the descriptions are all
the more vivid because behind the universal turn-on of a woman wrapped
in ecstasy there is the thrill of knowing that behind the erotic image
is an erotic person.
This is an excellent short turn-on.
Ratings for "B.O.B. and me"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Bitbard (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Tales of the East Indies" by Sven the Elder
* (sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383797547
This story struck me as a sort of a cross between a Joseph Conrad
short story and a couple of those letters in the Penthouse Forum that
I claim I never read on the plane when I've been away from my husband
for a long time so that I'm horny as hell by the time I get into his
arms. Meanwhile, he.... Ooops! I'll save that for my next letter to
the Forum.
The story covers the author's recent visit to "one of the more
civilised parts of South East Asia" - that part of the world where
they are so genteel and "civilised" that they use names like "Bang
Cock" for major cities and people have names like "Low Hung Dong."
The sex is interesting and nicely described.
Anyway, by messing around on this trip, the narrator of this story
(which is all true, except the bits he made up, and even they might be
true), improves his relationship with his wife. I have serious doubts
about the authenticity of that statement. However, the story about
his escapades DID improve my relationship with my husband, and least
for a half hour or so.
Ratings for "Tales of the East Indies"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Life Sentence" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=38328941
As the title suggests -at least after you have read the story - this
is one long sentence about life. It's not sexually explicit, but it
contains allusions to sexual activities. It puts sex into a holistic
perspective. I'm not sure whether to call it poetry or wordplay, but
it's an excellent example of whatever it is.
Ratings for "Life Sentence"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "My Juno" by Morgan Preece (zanna@whoever.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383104840
Our narrator is a dimmunitive gent - too tall to be a circus midget
but too small to make much progress in even high school football. His
Juno is a stately woman, nearly a foot taller in heels. He seems to
have a tall woman fetish. This is a very interesting story of the
little feller's pick-up lines and seduction of his goddess, whose real
name is Juliette.
Ratings for "My Juno"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Art Class" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=383104833
Roberta is the lady who is the most fun in the art class. One day she
bets Mike Hunt that she can give the male model an erection by
standing close to him and letting him look down her cleavage - and she
loses. To avoid another loss, she agrees to share a solo nearly-nude
modeling session with Mike Hunt, who demonstrates the value of
unilateral disarmament. As you may have surmised by now, sometimes
it's hard to describe the plots of this author's stories without
giving away too many details. Let's just say that some of the things
art students have to draw are hard.
This story is more cute and seductive than outright sexy. I like that
sort of thing once in a while.
Incidentally, you'll notice that the author has a new name. It seems
that AOL has a person whose job it is to look for obscene names - just
as most states have a person who looks for and eliminates obscene
license plates. I guess Mike had them fooled for a while with that
number 1 in his name, but AOL finally figured out that there was a
hidden meaning behind M1keHunt.
Ratings for "Art Class"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "My Nipples Explode With Delight" by The Bear (thebear@io.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=276630220
The narrator has been sucked into undergoing an experimental procedure
that will change his gender. They promised him that it was easily
reversible and totally painless. They also promised that no one
outside the experimental team would ever know and that he would
receive $2000 for about a week's work. Finally, Debra, one of the lab
assistants, promised him the best blowjob of his life as soon as the
experiment was over and his "equipment" was back to normal. Hence the
insidiously clever pun in the first sentence of this review.
Things go wrong, and the poor guy has to receive his blowjob
prematurely, and his nipples do what the title says right about the
time his cock does the same. I'm not certain this is a TG story at
all, since the experiment didn't really work, and the hero got nothing
but some expensive surgery to repair his exploded nipples.
Ratings for "My Nipples Explode With Delight"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"All This for Only 79 Cents?" by The Bear (thebear@io.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=274551223
Like the preceding story, this one is an entry in Malinov's spam title
contest. The idea seems to be to find a spam line in a.s.s. and then
to write a story to go with that title. This is the best entry I've
seen so far. A married man sneaks into a sex shoppe to buy a cheap
magazine. Finding there is no such thing, he purchases a postcard for
79 cents (including tax); but then the only other customer in the
store has a seizure or something. While the rescue workers are coming
for that poor wretch, the woman from upstairs comes down to give that
man the blowjob for which he has paid. Since nobody knows any better,
Our Hero accepts the blowjob and goes home. Hence the title. This is
a very creative little story.
Ratings for "All This for Only 79 Cents?"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Look What I Did When My Boyfriend Left for the Weekend" by The Bear
(thebear@io.com). This is another entry in Malinov's spam title
contest.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=274681716
The boyfriend drives away for the weekend, and the babe with the
38DD's and the sexy lingerie is on her own. What will she do? Will
she fuck herself senseless with blackmaled nympho queens? Will she
douse the raging fire within her bicurious cunt with buckets of cum?
Well, no; but what she does is interesting in its own way.
Ratings for "Look What I Did
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Barbie is Waiting" by R Rivers (r_rivers@cryogen.com).
I have to admit it: I improvised a little bit by changing the title
from its original all-uppercase spam-shout. This is another story in
the Malinov contest. A young man takes his computer messages
seriously and goes out on a futile odyssey in search of FREE SEX!!!
Nearly wasted from his sojourn, he finds that BARBIE IS WAITING in a
sleazy hotel, and that SHE IS YOUNG AND DUMB and wants to be FILLED
WITH CUM. This could be heaven; but no, the computer calls with more
offers of FREE SEX! and he leaves his Barbie behind in his search for
the perfect VIDEO VIXEN IN HEAT.
Ratings for "Barbie is Waiting"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Young Dumb and Full of Cum" by Mike Hunt (mrM1ke@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=278687389
This is possibly Mike Hunt's worst story ever; but that's mostly
because his other stories are so good. This one contains no sex at
all. Nada. Zip. I hadn't noticed this before, but perhaps Mike is a
one-dimensional writer. Hell, he may be a one-dimensional person.
What it amounts to is this: if you take all the sex out of his
stories, they suck. I guess that's not a fatal weakness, since his
only claims to fame are as a stud and as a writer of sex stories. But
here we have Mike Hunt, trying to do good for humanity by advocating
the imposition of lethal damage upon the bodies of spammers; and it
comes across as a simple, ordinary story. I'm not even aroused -
well, at least not until I glance down at my long, smooth, freshly
shaven legs and nuzzle the toes of my right foot against the instep of
my left, which gives me a warm feeling in my pussy and I suddenly
realize that I'm not wearing underpants; and when I bring my hand to
my mouth in an expression of astonishment, I detect the lingering
scent of my love juices left over from the session I had with my new
sextoys this morning....
Ratings for "Young Dumb and Full of Cum"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "1997 Teen Blow Job Tournament" by Daphne Xu (daphne@nym.alias.net).
* This is another submission to Malinov's spam contest.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=279912118
They don't have spam or blowjobs in China - at least "Shuming Zhao was
naive about these things when she came to college in the United States
to study computer science. The sexual descriptions are a combination
of the extremely explicit and the completely impersonal. People don't
really have sex this way - at least not very often - not even those
ubiquitous Asian teenagers who come to the United States to learn
about computers and sex.
Ratings for "1997 Teen Blow Job Tournament"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "SPAM CONTEST" by Taria (Taria@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=281162242
The job of the protagonist in this story is to promote spam; but the
catch is that he works for Mr. Hormel himself. For those of you who
don't know, Spam is the "meat" product that gave its name to the
unwanted garbage that clutters your email boxes and newsgroups - not
vice versa. Anyway, it seems that Mr. Hormel can't understand why he
has been so vehemently rejected on the Internet.
The story contains no sex - except by very indirect innuendo; but it's
still a very legitimate and creative entry for Malinov's contest. I
certainly enjoyed it!
Ratings for "SPAM CONTEST"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Morning After" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=285802333
The narrator awakens from a drunken stupor with little recollection of
what happened the night before - just vague clues, like lipstick on
drinking glasses and an unidentified pair of panties. The idea is -
you read the story and try to guess what spam title fits it. My
problem was that I didn't know enough about spam titles to recognize
the answer when I saw it! That probably means that I have good
reading habits.
Ratings for "The Morning After"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Tasty Young Coeds" by Johnny D (JohnnyD@cryogen.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=293903296
This late entry in Malinov's spam contest was inspired by the phrases
CUM SHOOTING UP HER NOSE and DRIED CUM ON HER CHIN, which it doesn't
use. Instead it builds upon the eponymous image of TASTY YOUNG COEDS.
The story succeeds as an exercise in creativity to the extent that it
uses the title phrase in an unexpected manner. However, it's
noteworthy much more for being odd than for being erotic or sexy.
Ratings for "Tasty Young Coeds"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Letter Found Near a Suicide" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
* (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=177482824
This is not a happy story. As the title suggests, the story consists
of a letter written by a high school student who has committed
suicide. It expresses the dead student's love for a girl who was fast
and loose with her affection with regard to everyone except the writer
of the letter. This is a short, poignant, worthwhile story. As is
the case with many stories by this author, I don't think it is
necessary to hide this one away in obscurity on the alt.sex.stories
newsgroup.
Ratings for "Letter Found Near a Suicide"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "More Congenial Spot" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
* (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=177482828
I have an agreement with this author to review one of her stories
every week, and I post the review around the time she reposts the
story. Since the story for this week was excellent but depressing, I
decided to push my luck and try a second story, so that I can go to
sleep happy. We'll see. If this doesn't work I have already
downloaded Shelby Bush's "Munsters" parody.
OK. Nunc dimittis. I can go to sleep now. This one is about twins
who were named by an either malevolent or thoughtless mother Guinevere
and Arthur. By the time they finish college Gwen's reputation has
reached mythic proportions as a psych student at the University of
Chicago - she is said to have fucked a whole fraternity in one night
and has lived to talk about it. Meanwhile, Art has excelled in drama,
while remaining a virgin at nearby Northwestern University. While
waiting for their mother to arrive to celebrate their graduation, they
find a congenial spot where Gwen can expand Art's horizons.
"The Munsters" can wait till next issue.
Ratings for "More Congenial Spot"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "A Rude Awakening" by Michael Dagley (dagley@soho.ios.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=272178107
I really hate this story! I sat down about 45 minutes ago to read a
story while I ate lunch. I had with me two ham sandwiches, a can of
Diet Coke, and an 18-ounce bag of potato chips. I would read "A Rude
Awakening" for ten minutes while I ate lunch and then prepare my
classes for the first week of the new school year.
I am now one chapter - 10,770 words and approximately 12 ounces of
potato chips - into this story; and I can't stop. My husband is not
home; the kid across the street is mowing the lawn, sweating, his
muscles glistening in the sunlight; Kathy Ireland is looking down at
me from my husband's calendar with a cum-hither look that would give
me blue balls if I had balls; and I have my classes to prepare for a
new semester. What's a girl to do? I guess maybe I'll just read
another chapter and see if this feeling goes away.
Well, I read TWO more chapters, at which time there was a lull in the
action. Then I fixed dinner and read four more chapters. Then I had
to wait for the author to post the rest of the story. Frustration
Station!
This story contains an amazing blend of voyeurism and direct sexual
contact. For example, at one point Joey is getting head from Mrs. C,
who is insisting that he describe to her what he did with her daughter
earlier that evening, while Joey is making direct eye contact with the
daughter, who is safely hidden and masturbating behind the mother's
back. This is hot stuff.
I noticed the title words, "Rude Awakening," several times in the
story. The first context stated that at the time of the story, (June
of 1965) graduation from high school would be a rude awakening: war,
racial strife, assassinations, drugs, and other problems. Like many
good titles, however, this one has more than one meaning. The second
time the phrase occurred was after Joey and Terri had made love; it
was a rude awakening for Terri to discover the power of her sexuality.
The term pops up several other times in the story. The most
significant meaning of "rude awakening" is not specifically stated -
just strongly implied. The story begins with Joey an immature, sad,
sexually-repressed young man. He takes no chances with girls and
women, because he is afraid they will consider him to be rude. His
friend and lover Alice tells him he needs to risk being rude once in a
while. When the rudeness in him "awakens," he becomes a more mature,
happy, sexually responsive person. In fact, he becomes the
neighborhood Lothario - a term which you can either look up in your
Funk and Wagnall's or infer from the context of the story. And then
he discovers that he has lost something special - another rude
awakening.
What do women really want? Polite men or rude men? The answer is
that different women want different blends; and even the same woman
may want a different emphasis at different times. Also it depends on
what you mean by "rude": in this story rude means that a guy does
something that a girl will like, in spite of the fact that a social
custom or the girl's inhibitions might oppose his action. I myself
have been known to use the phrase "Shut up and kiss me" - or an
equivalent, more emphatic phrase, which would indicate a demand for
less "politeness." A very important moral to this story is that it is
often necessary to take some risks in order to be happy. A very wrong
conclusion would be that the rudest asshole gets the girl - or the
guy.
This author's greatest strength, I think, lies in his sense of timing.
For example, he has the ability to make me think I'm witnessing two
people getting hotter and hotter until they can't stand it any more;
and I can almost feel it when they explode. He seems to have an
intuitive grasp of what to tell me and when to tell it to me in order
to maintain my interest. My husband has a similar ability, but he
accomplishes this effect through direct access to my body parts.
The main "weakness" to this story is that at times the author seems to
want to cram too much sex into it. I have a theory about why the
author has done this. I suspect that he has contacted a publisher
(whom I know and respect, but will not name in this review) about
publishing a version of this story as a novel; and that the publisher
insisted on more instances of explicit sex. In fact, the publisher I
am thinking of makes specific demands, such as (1) a wide variety of
sex that is likely to be perceived as kinky, and (2) at least two
separate instances of specific sex per chapter. I know of at least
one good author who has simply stopped writing erotic stories because
he felt that these demands compromised his literary integrity.
I may be off the track in suggesting that the present author has
"padded" his story with extra sex in order to appeal to a publisher.
I do know that there are several instances where the storyline seems
to take an unnecessary turn that is unrelated to the overall plot.
However, not too many readers are going to complain about "too much
hot sex," and so I'll let these "digressions" slide. What I do know
is that I review another story ("Elizabeth & Anastasia" by Tom
Bombadil) in this issue of CR that is every bit as good as this one:
and that other story has about a snowball's chance in my pussy of ever
getting published by that same publisher. It's "too long on story"
and "too short on real sex." I think it's about time that that
publisher (or some other publisher) made it clear that it IS OK to
have hot sex in the context of a good story. The world is ready for
good stories that contain hot sex - without quotas and restrictions on
what kind and how much explicit sex needs to be included in each
chapter. These stories don't need to appear on news stands in the
supermarkets; but they should be available to mature adults who want
more than a quick fix from their erotica.
As I reread the preceding paragraph, I realize I have overstated my
case; but I think I'll leave it. The present author HAS, in fact,
done a commendable job of trying to deal with the full personality of
the main character. This is an excellent story. In fact, if I would
have found this story without knowing the author's name, I would have
guessed that it was written by Delta, who made my Top 50 List of 1995
not once but four times. That's one of the strongest compliments I
can give to a story.
Ratings for "Rude Awakening"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Elizabeth & Anastasia" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1755.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1758.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1757.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1759.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1761.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1741.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1744.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1743.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year97/1745.txt
This author combines timing and tension to create a very good story.
At the very start we know simply that Betty (Elizabeth) is upset
because her father has thrown Stacy (Anastasia) out of the house and
has threatened to kill her if he ever sees her around his daughter
again. Then we flash back to a scene in a vice-principal's office,
where Betty is describing her problems with a teacher who seems to be
making passes at her. There must be some relation, the reader thinks,
between what's happening in this flashback and the relationship
between Betty and Stacy; but what is it? Is the vice-principal
actually Stacy? The vice-principal has recommended a tutor; will that
be Stacy? And then there is a sinister note; the vice-principal is
apparently interested in exploiting a sexual opening with the teacher
who had been harassing Betty. What are the implications of that
tidbit for Betty? I can't help it; I root for characters when I read
some of these stories. I already sympathize with Betty; and as a
hard-working teacher myself, I wouldn't mind seeing the VP stick it to
the teacher/pervert, but I hope that Betty and Stacy are people with a
wholesome relationship rather than participants in some sort of
demeaning ring of sex-slavery.
As I finish writing the preceding paragraph, I am only about 2000
words into a 47,000-word story. I mention this because I think it is
a sign of a good story to arouse the reader's interest as strongly as
this story grabbed my attention.
I'm reluctant to tell you too much of the story. I enjoyed finding
out what would happen next, and I think you will too. The author uses
an interesting strategy of alternating between the past and the
present; that is, there is one continuous story starting in the
present; and another continuous story - that gives meaning to the
current-time story - starts in the past. In general, this is an
ingenious and enthralling approach; but at times it becomes confusing.
For example, when the girls are arguing in the past and making up in
the present, the two plots may become entwined in the reader's mind.
It must have been difficult for the author to coordinate these two
plots; but he carries it off effectively - with the exception of one
point in Chapter 4 where he seems to use in the past storyline
information about Joyce that could be known only from the present
plot.
This is not a wham-bang sex story; it's a romantic story about a
relationship that happens to involve intimate sex between two females.
The early part of the story (probably the first two thirds - and
that's a lot in a story of this size) does not contain any specific
sexual activity at all; but sex is implied, and sexual tension
pervades even this part. That makes it sexy to me. When explicit sex
does occur, it is very hot.
To be honest, I have to admit that this story brought tears to my eyes
more often than it brought moisture to my lower regions; but they were
often tears of joy that I associate with really happy times in the
sack. I suppose that makes this pretty much a "chick story," but you
studs out there oughta read it too. Maybe it'll put some hair on your
chest.
This story has some flaws; but it's still excellent. Look at it this
way: on several occasions the author actually spelled "english" (as in
English Teacher!) with a lower-case "e"; but I still gave the story
straight 10's. I can't offer a much stronger recommendation than
that!
Ratings for "Elizabeth & Anastasia"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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