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From: <Celeste801@aol.com>
Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 293- July 15
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Celestial Reviews 292 - July 15, 1998
Note: A man walked into the drug store and shyly asked the pretty
girl behind the counter if he could buy some condoms. Seeing his
discomfort, the girl decided to have some fun.
She asked what size he needed. He said he didn't really know. So the
girl said they come in three sizes, and that there were three holes in
the fence outside that they used for sizing tests. He should go
outside and put his tool to the test.
When he went outside, the girl sneaked around the fence. When he put
his tool through the first hole, she caught him and gave him a
handjob.
When he put his tool in the second hole, she gave him a blowjob.
When he put his tool in the third hole, she had her pants down and she
took him inside herself.
When he was finished, the girl ran around the front. He walked up and
she asked, "So, what size do you need?"
He answered, "I've decided not to buy any condoms; but I do want 8
feet of that fence!"
Second note: I want to reiterate my thanks to Bitbard for all his
help in assembling the Links and to all the reviewers for their help
in reviewing the stories. I would also offer a word of thanks to the
authors, but I believe my reviews already show them how much I
appreciate their work. I hope you take the time to express your
individual gratitude to author's whose stories bring joy and pleasure
into your life. It's really kind of nice to see what a bunch of sex
perverts can accomplish when they decide to work together!
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
=====================
Celestial Reviews:
=====================
"Every Lollipop Loves A Licking" by Erin Halfelven
(cheating game) 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11809.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358677598
"Mystical Workout" by Bioya61 (gymnasium sex) 6, 8, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12328.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287662
"Three Stories" by by Jenny (quirky romances) 9, 8, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12170.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=362612719
"Janey in Bloom" by Bitbard (hot romantic tryst) 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12703.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368726214
"Moonset" by Erin Halfelven (poem)
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12533.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=366844294
"Questions in the Night" by"bad badbad (confusing questions)
8, 4, 4
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/year98/12890.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=370017320
"Chosen" by Crimson Dragon (mysterious sex) 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12619.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=367470276
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Thumper" by Dave Read (sex with teenage girl). Dave Myers: 4
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12454.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=365516779
"Melisande" by Richard Todd (opera-based sex). Fiddler: 7, 9, 7
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/10854.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420371
"Paula" by Rob4Play (pleasant fantasy). Mink: 8, 5, 6
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/10457.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/10458.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329641
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329647
"Lover's Desire" by J. R. Parz (magical TG). R'khaan: 8, 8, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12714.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368726244
"The Punishment Fits the Crime" by E. Z. Riter (bdsm). R'khaan: 8, 8, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12514.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=366361800
"Incubus" {Revised version} by Darkside (TG psychological thriller).
DG: 9, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12757.txt 01
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12758.txt 02
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12759.txt 03
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12760.txt 04
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12761.txt 05
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12762.txt 06
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12763.txt 07
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12764.txt 08
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12765.txt 09
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731830 01
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731836 02
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731842 03
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731848 04
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731854 05
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731860 06
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731866 07
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731872 08
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731877 09
"Scratches" by Lord Malinov (passionate romance). BillyG: 10, 9, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12449.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=365516755
"The Adventures of Marvin Finster" by Unknown Author (adolescent fantasy).
Crimson Dragon: 10, 7, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=206096050
"Repentence" by Elf Sternberg (mythological sex). BillyG: 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12877.txt
--
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369683971
"Chosen" by Crimson Dragon (mysterious sex). Twassel: {no rating}
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12619.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=367470276
"On Her Leg" by LeAnna (revised review). Tooshoes: 10, 9, 9
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11540.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355961858
"Keeping Warm in the Arctic Circle" by Gordie D (tundra love).
jubjub: 9.7, 9.8, 9.8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12739.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368726373
"Thank You" by Emil (sexual gratitude). jubjub: 8, 6.5, 6
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12787.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369322287
"Pool Girl" by Billy Bob (older-younger affair). Gandmar: 9, 10, 10
-BillyG: 10, 6, 6
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369620230
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369620235
"Hooked on a Feeling" by Terry Jones (romance). Dart: 6, 6, 6
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12575.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=367142563
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "Aunt Peg's Visit" by BillyG (teen romance with older aunt)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371059300
=====================
On this day in Celestial History
Celestial Reviews #100 - July 17, 1996
=====================
* "Dating Ritual" by Michael K. Smith (rough adolescent sex) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237591430
* "Diana" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (mysterious outdoor sex)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169874105
* "Trust Me!" by Vickie Tern (transgender femdom) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174152739 01
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168657141 02
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174150887 03
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174159863 04
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174157664 05
* "Spare Change" by Dafney Dewitt (control) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=167922913
* "Gilligan Mashukah" by Richard Dunstan (sitcom parody) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169117574
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169117579
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169076042
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169078357
==================
<<<The Reviews>>>
==================
"Every Lollipop Loves A Licking" by Erin Halfelven
(erotonomicon@hotmail.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11809.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358677598
Let me start out by saying right up front that this is a well written
story. That way I'll feel comfortable poking fun at the author for
this sentence:
"I grinned at the lady in the seat facing me who may have thought I
had worms from her expression."
The above sentence contain a misplaced modifier. At first reading it
gives the impression that the narrator had somehow acquired worms from
the other lady's expression." It would have been better to put it this
way:
"I grinned at the lady in the seat facing me, whose expression
suggested that she may have thought I had worms."
Or perhaps some other way - maybe in iambic pentameter. Misplaced
modifiers are discussed in the excerpt from Celestial Grammar that is
appended to the end of these reviews.
Anyway, Jake and Ruth go a long way back together. Even though each
is in a stable relationships with someone else, they still meet for
the occasional rendezvous. They even have the support of their mates
for these little flings.
The gimmick is that one partner gives the other a clue to signal when
and where the rendezvous will occur. Failure to decipher results in a
penalty.
I enjoyed the story. I had more fun disabusing myself of "facts" that
I had assumed were true and trying to figure out exactly where the
story takes place than in deciphering the clue, "Every Lollipop Loves
A Licking."
Ratings for "Every Lollipop Loves A Licking"
Athena (technical quality): 10 (even the one gaffe was fun)
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
==================
"Mystical Workout" by Bioya61 (bioya61@aol.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12328.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287662
It's possible to carry simplicity too far. Here we have a guy with a
vaguely described mid-life crisis, who meets a woman in a white
leotard at the gym and has wonderful sex with her in the steam room.
Had the set-up been done just a little better, I might have enjoyed
the story a lot more.
As it was, I couldn't help noticing that the woman in white talked a
lot like a Chinese fortune cookie: ""You must relax and accept life
for what it brings you each day. Life cannot be scheduled and
planned; look to the unexpected." Once I got sidetracked, I was more
aroused by my skepticism than by my hormones. I've been in steam
rooms, and I'm just not really sure I'd like to have sex in one.
Maybe your life experiences will make you less skeptical and allow you
to enjoy this story more than I did. "never forget the unexpected is
the fruit of life, share it with others." See! Even there, I'd like
that final aphorism better if it began with a capital letter and
didn't contain a comma splice. But then, what is a comma, but a pause
in life's journey?
Ratings for "Mystical Workout"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
==================
"Three Stories" by Jenny (jenny_grrl@hotmail.com)
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12170.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=362612719
These are three unrelated stories by an author whom Kim helped.
"You're The Girl" is about a conversation between a guy and a girl.
The girl has asked the guy to role-play a girl, and he has trouble
doing it. The story is cute, but not especially sexy. It contains no
real sexually explicit activity.
"In Over My Head" is billed as a humiliation story with heart. It
also involves chocolate and Kim's tits. Jenny is hot for Kim and
can't really decide whether she wants to delve into the realm of
humiliation with her. Although the story ends just prior to direct
lingual stimulation of the areola, it gets pretty hot as it proceeds
beyond the loss of Kim's aureole.
In "The Last Time I Saw Alex" we find Jen experiencing separation
anxiety, as Alex prepares to leave her for a trip that Jen manages to
magnify into the end of their life together. Again, no explicit sex,
but a vivid portrayal of emotions. What irritated me was that these
emotions were the sort that would drive me crazy - I would never want
a relationship with a person this unstable and immature; but some
people do, and such people do really need relationships with more
stable people.
As I said earlier, Kim helped this author, who has a problem dyslexia.
In case you don't know, "dyslexia" refers to a problem in which
otherwise perfectly normal people have severe reading problems, not
because they are stupid or unmotivated, but simply because their
neurological systems work differently than other people's - sort of
like tone deafness or color blindness, but in a more important area.
With Kim's departure, this author is looking for new help. If you see
potential in these three stories, you might want to contact her and
offer your services.
Ratings for "Three Stories"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
==================
"Janey in Bloom" by Bitbard (The Artist Formerly Known as Sandman)
(bitbard@newsguy.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12703.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368726214
This is a story about Sandman and Janey meeting for a day of passion
beginning at Dallas Love Airport. That's it's real name.
Ya learn something new everyday. I didn't know that the Dallas
airport had little rooms (called Conference Booths) that people could
reserve with a credit card and which were big enough for airport
quickies.
Let me explain how I know that. Through simple deductions derived
from their stories and postings to these newsgroups, I had concluded
that both Bitbard (formerly Sandman) and Janey would be in Dallas on
exactly the same day that my husband and I would be in that city for
our annual visit to the Dollhouse Museum of the Southwest and to check
out some books at the Dallas Textbook Depository. We decided to go
out to Love Field and see if we could spot the happy couple and
possibly eavesdrop on their rendezvous.
After several hours of staking out incoming flights from New England,
my husband nudged me and pointed to a middle-aged man with an obvious
bulge in his pants doing a tongue duel with a woman about four inches
taller than me. "This is a wicked huge airport," I heard the woman
say, as she paused for breath.
At just that moment, a child standing between us and the couple said,
"Look mommy! They're all mushy!" The mother glanced contemptuously
at the lovers, and then turned away in a huff. Since the mother and
child were going to run us over, and since my husband's boner was by
now even bigger than Sandman's, we turned away to avoid further
scandalizing the mother and child. By the time they passed and we
turned back around, the couple had disappeared.
"Shall we look for them?" I asked.
"No, I have a better idea," my husband said. Then he led me to a pair
of small chambers with signs that said "conference booth."
Fortunately, one of them was unoccupied, and he dragged me inside.
* * * *
By the time we were finished, we knew it would be impossible to find
the happy couple again, and so we rejoined our hosts - my husband's
former college roommate and his wife. He was Randy; and so was she,
as we described the events in the airport while we drove toward their
house. Randy was a police officer, and my husband and I were seated in
the back seat of the cruiser while the braless wonder snuggled up next
to Officer Friendly in the front seat.
As we drove down the highway, a Porsche zoomed past us. The woman in
the shotgun position had her eyes closed and was moaning with delight.
It was the couple from the airport, and she was obviously having an
orgasm right there on Route 35E!
"That's dangerous!" said Randy, as he flipped on his flashing lights
and "initiated pursuit." His wife responded by whipping off her tee
shirt, leaning over toward her husband, and saying, "I think it's sexy
as hell!" My husband's cock responded by rising faster than a tachyon
on steroids.
Randy was holding his binoculars, gazing after the car, which had
begun to accelerate, even while it continued to swerve on the highway.
"She's plucking his chicken!" Randy exclaimed.
"Like this?" asked his wife.
"Oh, fuck 'em!" Randy muttered, as he slowed down, turned off his
flashing lights, and pulled off the highway.
And they did.
"Can I borrow your handcuffs?" were the last words my husband
addressed to his old friend until after Beth and I both came in
discrete but roaring and simultaneous orgasms.
* * * *
Having definitively lost track of the target couple, I decided to make
the best of my trip by checking up on Deirdre over in Sulphur Springs.
However, when we got there, we discovered that the Hopkins County
Dairy Festival Parade was in progress. Moreover, two teenage girls in
Daisy Dukes who were hanging on the arms of Beavis and Butthead told
us that the parade would be followed by Southwest Homemade Ice Cream
Contest. {This is all absolutely true. You can find it in on page
116 of the 1997 edition of the Triple A TourBook.} We figured that it
would be easy to find Deirdre at the contest, and we smiled as we
wondered what extremes she would go to in order to win.
To kill time, we wandered off into a field behind the Dairy Queen out
on the four-lane leading to the Interstate. The field was full of
bluebonnets. I fell asleep with my head on my husband's lap, as he
reclined against a large oak tree. I was awakened by the sound of a
melodious male voice singing on the other side of the grove
"I see trees of green
Red roses too
I see them bloom
For me and you..."
It was just about the best mood music I could imagine. As the song
ended, we saw a guitar being cast aside on the other side of the
grove, and pieces of clothing soon began to pile up on top of the
discarded instrument.
"What a wonderful world," I heard a female voice say, repeating a
line from her lover's song. "Are you seducing me?"
"I give up--I'm yours," I said to my husband. Two couples could play
this game as well as one.
My radio quietly blared away at my side with a sexy southern twang.
"They're too crazy about each other
To even care about the show."
"Would you look at that woman's ass!" murmur my husband, as he gazed
over my shoulder while he fondled my ass. As I turned my husband
around and began to pay lip service to his cock, I heard the woman
say, "Don't stop! Don't ever stop!"
"Listen to the lady," said my husband.
"Which lady?" I asked.
"Both of them."
* * * *
Well, we never did catch up with Janey and Sandman. It probably
wouldn't have been all that exciting, since they just make up all that
crap in their stories anyway. And it looks like I'm not going to have
time to review this story either.
Ratings for "Janey in Bloom"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
==================
"Moonset" by Erin Halfelven (ErinHalfelven@my-dejanews.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12533.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=366844294
If you enjoy poetry, I suggest you take a look at this poem. It's a
good poem. However, I am not going to give it any ratings, because it
simply isn't comparable to the stories that I usually review.
Ratings for "Moonset": {Not Applicable}
==================
"Questions in the Night" by" bad badbad (badbadbad98@hotmail.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/year98/12890.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=370017320
The approach promised by this story sounded intriguing - a series of
questions to evoke poetically sexy images. The actual story offered
nothing of the sort. Just a bunch of confusing questions, a weak
excuse for a second-person story.
Somebody could take this approach and turn it into a really good love
poem.
Ratings for "Questions in the Night"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
==================
"Chosen" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12619.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=367470276
Usually it's bad when the reader can't figure out what is really
happening in a story. But sometimes it's good, because the author is
being deliberately mysterious or ambiguous; and the ambiguity is still
enjoyable, even when the reader reaches the end of the story and still
isn't really sure what happened.
This is one of the good ones. You'll read back over it not muttering,
"What the hell is he talking about?" but rather, "Hey! That's neat!"
The story begins with a primitive sexual ritual - coming of age among
the Sioux Indians or Medieval Belgians or some other group. Then
suddenly we find ourselves in modern times with some young people on a
camping trip, and the young woman is confused about her relationship
with the man she hopes to bed that for the first time that night; and
we begin to wonder what the first story has to do with the second.
And then it all comes together in the end - but not quite the way we
expected.
This wasn't my favorite story, but that's because I think most
reincarnation stories are simplistic and a bit silly. The fact that I
liked this story at all means that the author has done a pretty good
job of making his case. For a different viewpoint, see Mat Twassel's
review of this same story later in this issue of CR.
Ratings for "Chosen"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
==================
"Thumper" by Dave Read (posted by Commander Jameson). Guest review by
Dave Myers.
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12454.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=365516779
There is an old raging debate on this newsgroup about whether it is
really legitimate to conduct ratings on stories that are "jack-off"
material. You know the kind, with very recognizable plotlines, stock
characters, and nothing out of the ordinary. Personally, I think it's
worth rating them if for nothing else than to urge writers to come up
with something we haven't seen before. If you're going to write out of
the tried and true playbooks, at least insert a hook which is quirky
or unique. Some people argue that this is distracting, but I guarantee
there are more out there that will be absorbed by your added kink. End
rant.
Synopsis: An older brother comes home to "babysit" his 16 y.o. sister,
who decides to have a drinking/swim party. One of the very drunk
guests gets deflowered by the brother.
Potentially the most intriguing aspect of the story is the tantric sex
subplot, which remains mostly unexplored in the story. Perhaps the
writer decided it would not be believable to maintain this line of
action with a virgin. As challenging as that seems, it would have been
worth it. As written, the story is just trite.
Rating for "Thumper": 4
==================
"Melisande" by Richard Todd (richard@magi.com). Guest review by Fiddler.
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/10854.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420371
Paul picks up Melisande on a foggy stretch of highway. They discover
that they have much in common including a love of opera. After a day
of exploring each others' minds, they have a night of exploring -- and
enjoying each others' bodies. But Melisande is on a quest, and they
must part the next morning. They both hope to meet again; but the
story stops there.
The question of reviewing stories in genres which one doesn't like is
recurring once again on ASSD. This review is quite the opposite. A
romance between two people with intellectual tastes leading to a hot
time in bed pushes almost all my buttons. Why didn't this story push
them harder?
Perhaps it was because the couple matched too perfectly. Despite the
tragic parting, I get no sense of conflict from the story. Paul fears
a sexual dysfunction, but it doesn't happen. The two opinionated
people agree on everything.
One minor problem with the story is that it breaks the reader's
attention with two annoyances. The first is a good deal of "high
ASCII." There is an acute mark over the first e in "Melisande" (at
least there is in the opera) which comes out as an asterisk on my word
processor; there are also occasional "smart quotes" although most of
the quotation marks are readable. The second is that the story seems
to have been scanned in at some time; "d" keeps appearing where "cl"
is needed, "m" appears where "rn" is needed, etc. There is very
little wrong with the grammar of this story, but mechanical bad
spelling is still bad spelling.
Ratings for "Melisande"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 9
Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 7
==================
"Paula, The End of Her Lonely Day at a Roofing Company" by Rob4Play
(Rob4Play@aol.com). Guest review by the reclusive "Mike Ink".
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/10457.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/10458.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329641
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329647
Celeste sent this along to me with a note saying "This is by an author
who has not posted to this newsgroup before, but he seems to be
interested in submitting more stories, if he is encouraged to do so."
She must have skimmed the story and seen the same promise that I do.
I'm a newcomer to reviewing on this forum myself. So I face a small
dilemma; a review should be an accurate digest for the reader, an
even-handed evaluation of the piece as it now is for the writer, and
not just a bug hunt for errors (that's called proofing). Let's see
how I do.
The author provides a summary himself. "Personal preferences:
everything, variety of men, SEX! Here, I fantasize about being
finally alone with her in the office at the end of the day. This is
the first time this has happened. After months and months of looking,
drooling ... never seeing enough cleavage .. imagining what it would
be like to be fucking her brains out, today we are alone. I can make
it happen. And I did."
The last two sentences really say what writing is all about, don't they?
The story starts out "Larry, Moe, Charley, Ralph, and Dave had left
for the day." Charley? What happened to Curly? Our hero is being
clever, sneaking peeks down the office manager's blouse. He thinks
he's being subtle; she plays him like a fish. He chases her until she
catches him, and they settle down to some pretty good, pretty basic
sex, right there on the desk. One of the better lines is ""If that
thing goes off before you do me..." Obligingly, he scoots on down and
gets her off first with his tongue. Always nice to meet a gentleman.
The author drops a jarring note into this; the guy is married. This
is irrelevant to the story thus far, and just drops in with a loud
thud. Note to author: Drop it unless you are going to use it.
Celeste does a nice job of teasing when she describes plots. I aspire
to her skills, but in this case there's no plot to inadvertently
reveal. She teases, he pleases, they screw. Eventually his partner
shows up, they get started on a 3-way, and, and... "To be continued.
.... Maybe." Reminds me of the old Batman series.
Back to the dilemma. The story is incomplete, not proofed, and not
really ready for prime time. It's a draft of a pleasant fantasy. But
this guy can write. There are nice, albeit shallow, characterizations
of people doing believable things. Now he needs to take this story
and add plot, tension, resolution, and all that good stuff that comes
after the initial image of "gee, I would like to fuck her. I wonder
what it would be like?"
That's the author's job. He's learning the trade, and exploring what
works for his style. I described my job above, and I wouldn't have
spent this much time on this review if I didn't see some real
potential buried under careless errors. Now, your job is to fuel the
author's energy. Send him email. Encourage him, even if it is a one
liner. Tell him what worked for you, or didn't. Remember the blow
job principle.
Ratings for "Paula"
Athena (technical quality): 8 (minor technical flaws, but good
sentence structure)
Venus (plot & character): 5 (good characters, but the plot wandered
off somewhere)
Mink (appeal to reviewer): 6 (but there is such potential...)
==================
"Lover's Desire" by J. R. Parz (rjzac@avid.dynip.com). Guest Review by
R'khaan (rkhaan@ix.netcom.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12714.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368726244
This is the first story I've read from this author and I don't know
much about him. When I read the first part of the story, I almost got
out my "reject" stamp; still, I decided to continue reading with the
hopes that the story would prove interesting. I wasn't disappointed!
The story opens with Jess taking a stroll through the mall, pondering
his sudden wealth and his relationship with his new wife, Lisa. While
doing so, he comes upon a shop named, "Spells R Us." Curious, he
enters the store and finds it loaded with interesting costumes and the
like. The proprietor greets him and gets him interested in a maid's
costume - and a potion that, according to the proprietor, will make
Lisa love him more by transforming him into her ideal lover.
Jess is doubtful, but purchases the costume and the potion; he'll do
anything to get Lisa to love him - and not just for his money. After
receiving instructions on how to use the potion, he goes home to
become his lover's desire.
Lisa arrives home fresh from a romantic interlude with her female
lover. She, too, has been doing some thinking about her new husband,
admitting to herself that she really married him for his cash but also
deciding he's not too bad a fellow. Jess greets her with the potion
and, despite her begging him not to take it, watches helplessly as
Jess downs the potion and, as promised by the proprietor, passes out.
Jess awakens to find himself transformed into a woman. Dazed,
confused and, yes, a little excited, Jess explores his new body,
giving himself/herself several orgasms before realizing he's got a
major problem - trying to explain this to his wife! He doesn't
realize that Lisa had witnessed his transformation from man to her
ideal lover, a girl from college named Tracy Seavers. After seeing
Jess transformed, she also passed out.
Jess and Lisa take one look at each other and sparks fly immediately.
Afterwards, Lisa confesses to Jess that she's bisexual and that he had
been transformed into a woman because of it. The two of them along
with Lisa's other female lover get together and explore all of the
possibilities together. Jess returns to Spells R Us and thanks the
proprietor for all of his help.
I have to admit this story was pretty good. There are some guys
who've wondered what it's like to be a woman and, by reading this
story, you can get a pretty good idea what it's like.
Ratings for "Lover's Desire "
R'khaan (technical quality): 8
R'khaan (plot & character): 8
R'khaan (appeal to reviewer): 8
==================
"The Punishment Fits the Crime" by E. Z. Riter (ezriter@hotmail.com).
Guest Review by R'khaan (rkhaan@ix.netcom.com)
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12514.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=366361800
Becky Wharton had a secret. The bad part was her husband, Charlie,
found out about it. Seems the lady engaged in a little indiscretion -
and wasn't discreet enough, having gotten busted fucking Harry the
tennis pro. To make matters worse, Harry had taped the entire sordid
encounter and tried to blackmail Becky. Charlie didn't give into the
blackmail and Harry was sent to jail, leaving Charlie to deal with his
adulterous wife.
Throughout the story, you can see that Charlie is having a difficult
time dealing with this problem because his love/lust for Becky is so
very strong. Yet, he knows she must be punished. After banishing her
to the guest room for a period of time, he devises a suitable
punishment and invites some trusted friends over to witness the
execution of Becky's sentence.
In the presence of witnesses, Becky is made to strip down to nothing
and endures some lashes with a whip, which Becky thoroughly enjoys.
The assembled witnesses are shocked and surprised as Becky is made to
wear a chastity belt, taking away her ability to fuck and leaving only
masturbation as her only means of sex when Charlie's not around.
A rather devious and fitting punishment, actually. EZ does a great
job in telling of Becky's horror when she realizes that getting
whipped in front of their friends wasn't the punishment - Charlie was
dead serious about the chastity belt! After a tussle for the key
around Charlie's neck, he finally gives in and gives Becky the high
hard one.
It would be interesting to see what happened afterwards... Good job, EZ!
Ratings for "The Punishment Fits the Crime"
R'khaan (technical quality): 8
R'khaan (plot & character): 8
R'khaan (appeal to reviewer): 8
==================
"Incubus" {Revised version} by Darkside (Darkside@nym.alias.net).
Guest review by DG.
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12757.txt 01
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12758.txt 02
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12759.txt 03
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12760.txt 04
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12761.txt 05
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12762.txt 06
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12763.txt 07
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12764.txt 08
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12765.txt 09
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731830 01
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731836 02
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731842 03
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731848 04
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731854 05
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731860 06
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731872 08
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I reviewed this story a few months ago, and was frustrated by the fact
that a complex, well-plotted tale was badly compromised by sloppy
writing, grammar, and formatting. I made a deal with the author to
re-review the story if he gave it a thorough cleaning-up, and he has
done just that.
Here is the story summary from my original review: A deranged serial
killer is on the loose. One of his victims, a young woman named
Carolyn, is saved by a psychic, a young man named David, who is able
to determine where she is being held hostage. In the process of her
rescue, David and Carolyn switch bodies. This rather bizarre plot
twist is handled well by the author. Before they can switch back,
David and Carolyn must come to terms with what happened to them. In
particular, Carolyn is haunted by her mistreatment at the hands of the
killer. They find that they are developing romantic feelings towards
each other, which are complicated by Carolyn's feelings for her best
female friend.
The story as reposted last week is cleanly formatted, and although the
writing style is not perfect, it does not interfere with the
storytelling, which is excellent. I can now strongly recommend the
story to anyone who enjoys a tense psychological thriller.
Ratings for "Incubus"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
DG (appeal to reviewer): 10
==================
"Scratches" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). Guest review of
BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12449.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=365516755
On the occasion of their Eighth Wedding Anniversary, Malinov gives
depth to the passion of his love with Diana. In his opening sentence
he writes: "When I first slipped inside her, she bit her nails in me."
This is about passion - unchecked, ungoverned, raw passion. This short
bit by Malinov doesn't tell a story, at least not a story with a
conventional beginning or ending. It's more a reminiscence of the
intensity of their fucking, ". . . in wild ecstasies, crescent gouges,
river wound welts.
It's a good read, even a strong read, poetic in its wildness and
telling in it's wondrous simplicity. Read it and then reflect a
moment. Try to remember the passion of your own loving, how impossibly
mad it was and how you didn't give a shit about convention or
propriety or even saneness.
Ratings for "Scratches"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9 (even if it didn't have a plot)
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 10
==================
"The Adventures of Marvin Finster - Volume 1" by Unknown Author. Guest
review by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=206096050
You'll have to bear with me - this is my first review and I'm writing
it at 1:30 in the morning. Probably not a good combination. Wasn't
Finster a character on Bugs Bunny? Baby-faced Finster? Never mind ...
probably no relation and it's late ...
This story is a simple recollection of complex adolescent voyeurism
turned into a little more. Our hero, Marvin, is going through the
usual trials and tribulations of adolescence complete with unusually
(or perhaps usually) high sex drive driven by raging testosterone. His
school is filled with unattainable nubile young beauties which
apparently inhabit his dreams <grin> quite often. As luck would have
it, his school is remodeled in such a way that he finds a secret
chamber that gives him a nice view of the girls shower. In this way,
he finds his testosterone relief that he so desperately requires. All
he needs to do is lay some intricate plans to get himself out of class
once in a while to see the one girl he really wants, and perhaps a few
extra sights along the way.
This story does manage to capture some of the trials and confusions of
an adolescent school boy, with some humour thrown in to lighten the
mood. I can't say that there is a lot of depth to the story, but I'm
not sure it was necessary. The author does spend an inordinate amount
of time explaining his intricate plans to find and make use of his
secret room. It adds to the "realism" of the piece, but it doesn't
have a lot to do with sex other than the ultimate goal of it all -
spying on the girls. The plans weren't a problem for me, but to be
fair, I ought to mention them.
If you are looking for realism, I found the last part of the story a
little unbelievable, but that could have been me. It simply seemed odd
to me that the author would take the time to set up the scenarios to
get into the secret room in such detail, and then provide unlikely,
though erotically interesting, encounters at the end without any real
explanations as to how they came about. Perhaps a better look at
Mattie's character would have helped me understand her motivations.
Overall, the build up was interesting and flowed reasonably nicely,
but I found myself asking questions about the ending which probably
ought to be better explained in the story. Perhaps the questions will
be dealt with in Volume 2, though there was an Epilogue that might
have been used more effectively to deal with what happened to the
main female characters as well. Epilogues usually try to answer more
questions than they raise.
The story itself was reasonably well written. I didn't spot any
obvious English errors, but I wasn't really digging for them either. I
found that I was distracted occasionally by intentional errors that
were there for the humour aspect, but they weren't numerous enough to
take points off for, and other readers might find them cute.
Overall, this was a decently written voyeuristic journey which
probably captures the spirit and fantasies of nearly every school boy
on the planet.
I've tried to use Celeste's standard for marking here, though I have
to say it's hard second guessing what she'd have given, except on the
appeal mark which is all mine.
Ratings for "The Adventures of Marvin Finster"
Athena (technical quality): 10 (no obvious errors)
Venus (plot & character): 7 (a touch more depth needed in the
female character, and more plot advancement at the end would
have been nice)
Crimson (appeal to reviewer): 8 (a better than average adolescent
fantasy)
==================
"Repentence" by Elf Sternberg (elf@halcyon.com). Guest Review by
BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12877.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369683971
"Repentence" is the imaginative progeny of Elf Sternberg's creative
mind. Those who would hold that there is no place for forgiveness or
need for repentance might alter their views in light of this
provocative tale. Mankind, God's children, might be the fitting
benefactors of such understanding and love, but the Prince of
Darkness?
The angel once known as Light Bringer, First of His Words, Son of the
Dawn, Angel of Morning, after his Fall, came to be better known among
man as Lucifer, Lord of Lies, the Fallen Angel. Sternberg offers us a
sometimes humorous and often iconoclastic portrayal of the changing
nature of Hell and its Lord. While technology has played a role in the
evolutionary changes in Lucifer's domain, the magnitude of
transformation reflects perhaps more of Lucifer's change.
Sternberg's story is more a philosophic offering than a sex story.
Oh, there's a tempestuous sexual union between Lucifer and Rosier, his
consort - Temptress of True Hearts, Lady of Temptation, Demoness of
Love. Their union is less sweetness and light and more, well,
dramatic.
Witness: ". . . rising up, his great wings spreading to hold him
suspended in midair for a moment over her, giving her one great look
at this Lord of Hell before he descended onto, into her. A
high-pitched moan greeted his plunge into her body, his taking of her
flesh as she had cried for. The great sound of his wings filled the
room as Lucifer and Rosier, Lord of Hell and Lady of Temptation, mated
in unearthly passion."
For all of that, this is not a story of seduction. Perhaps
temptation, but not sexual temptation. Mostly, it's an account of
forgiveness and, as Sternberg suggests, of repentance, perhaps even
redemption.
It's very well written, even provocative and certainly worthy of your
attention.
Ratings for "Repentence"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10 <even if it's not an erotic story>
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 10
==================
"Chosen" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com). Guest review by Mat
Twassel
This is a nice story. It's long, about 16 pages, and it has a few
problems, but it has rewards, too.
The story opens with the chieftain's only daughter, twenty year old
Fawn of the Moonlight Rising, about to make a rare appearance at a
tribal dance. The young woman knows that this night she will pick her
soul mate. Actually, a sacred stone she has will make the selection
for her.
Following the opening paragraph, the story shifts to a more modern
day: Bree is about to go camping with her boyfriend of about three
weeks, Dave. She's thinking about sleeping with him for the first
time on this one-night camping trip, but she's concerned because she's
knows she's a noisy lover, and another couple will being sharing the
campsite: her friend and protector, Chet, whom she's known since early
grade school, and Chet's new girl friend, Natasha, whom Bree has never
met. Maybe she and Dave won't make love after all.
Riding up to the camp with Dave, Bree comes down with more than a
touch of car sickness. Chet, who had arrived earlier, decides to carry
Bree off to her tent for some rest, but on the way he stops, Bree in
his arms, to introduce her to his new girl friend, Natasha:
Bree looked up. Instead of taking her to the
tent, Chet had borne her to the small campfire.
Bree took a deep breath, wishing she wasn't in
Chet's arms for this, and extended her hand.
Natasha looked a little nonplused about the
introduction and Bree couldn't blame her. She'd
be pissed off if Dave had introduced Natasha to
her cradled in his arms. Natasha extended her
hand and lightly gripped Bree's offered hand.
Natasha's hand was cool and soft to the touch,
imparting a certain strength. She didn't seem to
be as upset as Bree would have been, had the
positions been reversed. A strange tingle crossed
into Bree's senses, almost like a spark from
static electricity, as she released Natasha's
fingers.
This passage perhaps illustrates some of Crimson Dragon's writing
strengths and weaknesses: plenty of information, a casual style, yet
slightly less than perfect flow. While serviceable, the prose could
be smoother, more polished, with better rhythms or phrasing or
(occasionally) word choices, and that makes a difference in a long
story. As I got deeper into the story I found myself trying to hurry
my reading, trying to get the information without having to deal with
the prose. Maybe this won't bother you as much as it bothered me.
A few brief (probably unnecessary) shifts in point of view disturbed
me, too, but all-in-all this isn't a bad read. If you're looking for
scads of scalding sex, however, try something else--though for what
it's worth, I think this story would have been more erotic had more of
the penultimate scene been left to my imagination. Despite some
shortcomings, this story left me with a hint of tears in my eyes.
That's pretty high praise.
==================
"On Her Leg" by LeAnna (leanna1@hotmail.com). Revised guest review by
Tooshoes.
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11540.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355961858
After posting my original review of "On Her Leg", I was properly
chastised for missing the point of the story -- a felony for a
reviewer. I made a false assumption right at the start of the story
about what exactly was "on her leg", but that was meant to be the
entire mystery of the story, and it made all the difference in my
evaluation of the story as a whole. So here is the revised review:
When properly read, "On Her Leg" is a short, sentimental tale about a
mysterious memento -- something unseen and nearly insubstantial but
which binds a young woman to her lover, and transports her to their
lovemaking whenever she thinks about it, looks at it, or touches it.
The narration slips back and forth in time as the girl sits on a park
bench amid a crowd, yet her attention focuses on the memento on her
leg, which surfaces her memories of a previous night of intense sex.
This is a well crafted, sexy story, and the mystery of what exactly is
"on her leg" is at last revealed at the climax, pulling the whole
story together.
Ratings for "On Her Leg"
Technical: 10
Characterization and Plot: 9
Appeal: 9
==================
"Keeping Warm in the Arctic Circle" by Gordie D (gordond103@aol.com).
Guest review by jubjub.
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12739.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368726373
Story Summary: A married couple living on the frozen tundra
This is not a sex story. This is a meandering story of a man and a
woman living in the deep north. It just happens to end with their
lovemaking. A very nice piece, indeed.
Technically, the piece is just shy of perfection. My biggest beef is
that the voice of the narrator doesn't come through consistently.
There were also a couple of misspellings and a punctuation mistake or
two. None of this is amounts to a lot, though. However, what I find
especially pleasing is that the writer presents almost a textbook
example of how to write erotica without explicit mentioning the
naughty body parts more than once.
The characters in this story are very well drawn. Even better, they
are drawn using dialogue and action--not the standard idiot speech
that tends to be the norm for most amateur writers. You can almost
imagine you're sitting beside a roaring fireplace listening to a
grizzled storyteller spinning this tale. You know this couple by the
time this story is finished, and you are heartened by the love they
have for each other. But I thought the omniscient viewpoint fuzzed
the focus of the story somewhat. I also thought the sex scene was a
little cliched. But otherwise, it worked for me.
Do I like this story? Yes, very much. I like this story not for its
erotic power (which really is tame) but for its presentation of life
and love in the wild north.
Ratings for "Keeping Warm in the Arctic Circle"
Technical: 9.7 Narrative voice could be more consistent
Characterization and Plot: 9.8 A little cliched
Appeal: 9.8 Very impressive
==================
"Thank You" by Emil (posted by Kristern). Guest review by jubjub.
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12787.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369322287
Story Summary: Two woman thank a man for employment
This is a bland story. The only saving grace, depending on your
taste, is the final third of the story. That's when the dildos get
pulled out and things start getting kinky. But the plot is simple
enough. A women and her girlfriend want to thank a man for hiring one
of them.
There are numerous small punctuation errors and a couple of garbled
sentences. The main problem was a bland style. I think a lot of
authors need to chuck their high school English instructions about a
certain writing trick. Sentence fragments. They break the flow of
the story and can provide a sharp point to the narrative. This writer
could have benefited from their use. As it stands this story is a
little too wordy. Sentences lose their punch when the number of
commas increase. A few less cliches (thankfully no mention of body
part dimensions) could have also helped.
There is no characterization in this story. While the author gives a
nice physical description of the women at the beginning of the story,
none of it finds its way into the main body. There is also no real
way to tell the women apart. This story is, of course, pure stroke.
But a few more details could have gone a long way.
Overall, a passable story. Its high point is a fairly kinky ending
(though not that extreme) that appears to have been the writer's
target area to begin with. It would have been nice if the writer had
also been more attentive to the first parts of the story.
Ratings for "Thank You" Technical: 8 Bland style with cliches.
Numerous small errors Characterization and Plot: 6.5 Nothing
interesting until late in the story Appeal: 6.0 Hot kinky sex at
the end saves the story
==================
"Pool Girl" by Billy Bob (wmrobt@hotmail.com). Guest Review by Mary
Jorsay Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369620230
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369620235
I haven't been keeping up with the new stories on the ASS hierarchy
and would have missed this one if Celeste hadn't sent it to me - many,
many thanks, C!
This is a lovely little story, quite superbly done overall. I've just
a few minor gripes. I find that some phrases are repeated too often
(even twice in the same paragraph). In a quick reading this may not
matter, but if you want to savor the language, it can be a little
jarring. Once in a while, there's unusual word usage, too: 'sorta', 'I
had to contortion myself' and so on. But there aren't very many typos
(I saw only one, 'clevage' for 'cleavage').A much-repeated error is
the use of "it's" where it should be "its"; the latter is an
abbreviation for "it is", not to be confused with the former, a
possessive noun form. Also, the author has a habit of putting his
conversational commas outside the closing quotes rather than inside
(though he does this with the period). I checked the Chicago Manual of
Style and it's (that is, it is) quite clear that the correct form is
to be put the comma inside the closing quote.
Casuistry, that, mere hair-splitting. And it does nothing whatever to
detract from the rhythm and pace of the story. Basically, it's a slim,
delicate plot: a suburban executive, married, kids, has an in-ground
pool. He strikes up an acquaintance with a 17 year old on the Net,
through an Internet Relay Chat service. As it happens, her father
maintains pools, and she works for her father's company. She comes in
to look at the pool. His family is at home when she first comes in to
work on the pool. The next weekend, and this is where part 2 kicks in,
he is alone - and they have sex. Just as they finish, his wife and
kids return unexpectedly: dramatic twist number one, deftly handled
and resolved. This is followed by a subtle shift of focus to his work
and conversation with his employer which throws the very identity of
his 'pool girl' into some doubt: twist number two, with a sexy,
intriguing, tantalizing resolution.
The story's got everything: it's funny, it's gentle, it's real, the
characters are fully rounded. They come across fully described,
physically and sexually, without long rambling discourses about their
bodies but with just enough hints and indications to give the reader a
full picture. The best erotica does this: it stokes the imagination
and lets the reader fill in his own fantasy for the author's, while
simultaneously maintaining the natural progression of the story.
Somehow, he's even managed to capture the ambiance of suburban America
without having to describe it - one sees a small town, quiet, not much
happening, lots of greenery, sunlight brittle enough to suggest a
place with a generally warmer climate, yet with some variations in
weather.
The sex in Part 2 is exhilarating, powerfully charged, extremely
erotic, a major turn on in itself. The sex in and by the pool is
exciting enough. This is followed by an even more erotic session with
the pool girl bent over a pinball machine, with the narrator
(well-hung and muscular) fucking her from behind. That he is big and
she is small only adds to the allure.
This is very fine work indeed. The author promises us more depending
on the feedback. I hope this review is sufficient encouragement!
Ratings for "Pool Girl"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Gandmar (appeal to reviewer): 10
==================
"Pool Girl" Billy Bob <wmrobt@hotmail.com). Guest Review by BillyG
(hayden@mindless.com). {Ooops! Looks like I got two reviews of the
same story.... }
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369620230
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369620235
Billy Bob's story is one of cheating and an older-younger affair.
Bill, a 37-year-old man with a wife and kids meets Heather, a
17-year-old girl on-line. It is established quickly that they live in
the same town and a meeting is arranged at the local bookstore. It
turns out that Bill has a new pool and Heather works summers for a
pool maintenance company. Guess what? Yep. In the guise of helping
Bill with his pool, Heather shows up at his house and straight away
there's a mutual seduction. Graphic description of hot sex follows.
Oh yes. Heather has a sister. Guess again.
The story suffers from lack of plausibility and character development.
If Bill's wife and kids have any role in his life, we don't learn of
it. They're props at best. I suppose contrived best describes the
plot line. Technically, the story's well written. It's easier when
making suggestions to suggest the aid of an editor. This story
doesn't need that so much as more depth. Mostly, it reads like a
stroke story. Older guy boinks younger girl. Period. No message and
no emotions.
Ratings for "Pool Girl"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 6
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 6
==================
"Hooked on a Feeling" by Terry Jones (wld_rascal@hotmail.com). Guest
review by Dart.
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12575.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=367142563
Kate and Rob were high-school sweethearts. After high school, Rob won
a scholarship to a fancy Eastern university, while Kate continued to
raise horses on the West Texas land that she loved. Now, Rob, freshly
graduated from college, and Kate meet again, since Kate is playing
hostess for the barbecue that the Mayor is giving on her father's
ranch, and Rob is a guest. At the barbecue, Kate tries to avoid Rob,
but Rob is persistent; he wants to talk. Kate succumbs, saddles up two
horses, and they ride off to watch the prairie dogs. While watching,
they also satisfy a more pressing need. But Rob wants more than quick
satisfaction, he wants Kate to marry him and move with him to the
steel-and-concrete canyons of Chicago. Does she? You'll have to read
the story.
I think that if the author had taken the time to past the story by a
proofreader, he could have caught the various little glitches that are
hard for an author to see, and thereby produced a smoother, more
satisfying, story. But I thoroughly enjoyed the plot of the story:
Kate wants A; Rob wants B; A and B can't both be satisfied, but
something, of course, must happen. However, the plot needed more
flesh, and the characters needed further development. For example,
what happened during the summers that Rob was still in college? Why is
their dilemma still unresolved after four years?
Ratings for "Hooked on a Feeling"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 6
==================
* "Aunt Peg's Visit" by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com). Guest review by
* Michael K. Smith.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371059300
I don't believe I've seen a story by this author before, but I hope he
keeps writing and posting. This is definitely one hot story! And,
though the author doesn't say, it seems to be the first part of a
longer work (I hope).
The protagonist -- whose name, oddly enough, is Billy -- goes to the
San Francisco airport with his divorced mother to pick up her sister,
come to stay for the summer. (My first thought was, "Obvious setup.")
Peg is ten years younger but similar in appearance, . . . which is
nice, since Billy has had the secret hots for Mom for several years.
And Mom has to go back to work right away, so Billy promises to look
after Peg ("Don't call me 'Aunt,' please. I don't want to be all grown
up"), whose first wish is to try out the genuine California hot tub.
But first, Peg wants to have a little talk. About frank conversation
and the effects on her nephew of her taste for nude sunbathing. He's
willing but warns her that he just might acquire an erection. (Yeah --
as if!)
Let's just say I was already feeling the effects myself before aunt
and nephew ever reached the hot tub deck. The author has a talent for
word pictures and literate description, and about the only "bad" words
you'll run into are a few "pussies" and one "cunt." I take this as the
mark of a budding erotician, not just another porn-scribbler. It is
indeed a setup, but it's also a lot closer to believable than most --
which, for me, makes the story a good deal sexier.
Gotta pick a nit or two somewhere, though (the Reviewers Guild rules
demand it). Oh, yeah: "Billy" changes inexplicably to "Bob" at one
point, and the author has a tendency to forget the closing quotes in
dialogue passages. And I found one misspelling. Nothing that a bit
more line-editing wouldn't have caught. When I taught history, I was
not known as an easy grader, but I give this one straight 10s. And
I'll certainly be watching for the next installment!
Ratings for "Aunt Peg's Visit"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Michael K. Smith (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Dating Ritual" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith@metronet.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237591430
This is a vivid description of a date during which the
fifteen-year-old girl is forced by peer pressure to engage in sex that
isn't very pleasant for her. I'm sure many people will read this as a
description of a really great date or of the "good ole days." I found
it to be a brutally realistic but sad story. I never went out on a
date with a boy who forced me into anal sex or made me lick his cock
clean after he stuck it into my ass. {I might add that although I
myself enjoy consensual anal sex; anal rape is likely to be painful
and unhealthy. The anal orifice doesn't self-lubricate during
arousal, as does the pussy; and so when some jerk forces himself in,
the activity is likely to tear tissue. This may sound like fun; but
it can lead to medical problems. In addition, anal rape in real life
is a very good way to get and give AIDS.} I never dated anyone just
to prove that I could take his cock just as well as any other slut
could. I know girls who acted like that, and I don't know any of them
who look as happy at this time of life as I feel. I guess I'm lucky I
bought into my parents' system of morality and self respect.
I try not to do moral lectures, and I know there are no teenagers
reading this review or this story. Here is my lecture. Don't do what
they do in this story. Have sex only with someone you love and trust.
But it's OK to read this story as soon as you're old enough so that
nobody is breaking any laws.
This is still a good story. I just suggest that you think twice if
you think this sounds like a lot of fun. I don't think the author saw
it that way, nor did I.
Ratings for "Dating Ritual"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Diana" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169874105
The young man, just a few years out of college and a bit disillusioned
with the way his life has gone, has gone off for a couple of days of
hiking in the Berkshire forest. Thinking he is alone, he is surprised
to hear the sound of a woman's voice; and when he follows that sound
he comes to a clearing in which there are seven blonde women and one
red-head - all beautiful and all naked. What has he stumbled onto?
He realizes that he won't be welcome, and he starts to retreat; but
suddenly he is summoned to join them. Does this sound interesting?
Then read this well-written story. If you're familiar with Robert
Frost's poetry, you'll probably get a little more out of it than you
would otherwise. And it won't hurt to recall that Diana was the Roman
goddess of the hunt and of the moon and the protectress or women.
I love this author! I'm tempted to make my students read this story
for English class, but then I'd have to explain where I got it.
Actually, it will be easier simply to forbid them to read it; they'll
enjoy it more that way.
Ratings for "Diana"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Trust Me!" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174152739 01
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168657141 02
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174150887 03
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174159863 04
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174157664 05
The man has become fascinated with cross-dressing. Since he works
alone out of his home, he is able to spend most of his daytime hours
dressed in woman's garb. His wife, whom he loves dearly, has always
been skeptical; but suddenly she has become supportive and has
actively encouraged him to go even further - to live the life of a
woman. The man can become the best friend that the wife always
wanted. As the title suggests, his wife asks him to put his complete
trust in her, and she will see to it that he gains the happiness he
has been seeking.
Things escalate. They go to spend a weekend at an expensive resort.
The wife asks the man to trust her a little further. She confesses
that she has been having sex regularly with Ben, her boss. Ben is the
greatest lay a girl could ever hope for, and she's going to spend the
entire night with him in the adjacent room. In fact if a day or two
passes when they don't make love, she starts to daydream about him and
can't tend to business. But so that the man won't feel left out, the
wife is going to ask Ben to make love to him first. She wants her
husband (or girlfriend - or whatever he/she is now) to make love to
Ben with real desire in every move. And she wants the husband to watch
them fuck at least once, before they close him out and do their
private things together for the rest of the night. Infidelity has
been redefined as sharing!
This author specializes in stories about women who know what they want
and what other people really want, and who know how to sell it to
them. This is another good, clever story of that genre. This author
also specializes in introducing unusual (almost grotesque)
complexities that actually make sense. As this story evolves, there
are a huge number of additional plot details and explanations that I
haven't mentioned. I didn't find them to be exactly erotic; but I did
find them to be extremely creative. When I got to the end, everything
actually did make sense.
I am not interested in changing my gender, nor am I attracted to
living my life with a man who becomes a woman. Since this is a long
story, I was unable to finish it last night; and so I went to bed and
woke up my husband and asked him if he thought I would still love him
if he became a woman. Usually when I wake him up after reading a
story he humps me like a madman; but this story did not have that
impact. I figured maybe it was a complex thought for the middle of
the night; and so I asked him again at breakfast. He said,
"Certainly!" Then he kissed me and suggested that I read a different
story.
Ratings for "Trust Me!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Spare Change" by Dafney Dewitt (dafneyd@ix.netcom.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=167922913
The preceding story ("Celeste" by Marjorie Cartwright) reminded me of
this story; and since this story happened to be reposted just
recently, I decided to repost this review.
This is not a sexy story. If you want to get a hard on or get your
juices flowing, I am almost certain that this story will not help you.
As a matter of fact, the story nearly made me gag. Literally. On the
other hand, this is a very GOOD story. It's an example of what we
literature teachers call Naturalism. That is, it goes beyond realism
and shows how really fucked up life can be. This is also an example
of excellent feminist writing - although I cannot say for sure that
the author is a female. It's a thought-provoking commentary on how
some men treat women.
The story focuses on an affluent man and a beggar woman. The man
decides to get his sexual jollies by humiliating the woman, and she
turns the tables on him in a very interesting way.
This is also the first story that I know for sure has gone through my
Volunteer Proofreading Service. I cannot comment on what the story
would have been like without that assistance, but right now it's an
excellent story. (Rating: 10)
Ratings for "Spare Change"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Gilligan Mashukah" by Richard Dunstan richard.dunstan@indiefilm.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169117574
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169117579
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169076042
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169078357
Last week I reviewed Shelby Bush's parody of "Gilligan's Island." I
considered that to be one of the best sitcom parodies ever posted on
alt.sex.stories. This one is not yet finished; but from what I have
seen, it promises to be very good. I'll do a full review of this
story as soon as the author finishes it. As the author points out in
his introduction, "Gilligan" displayed a surreal, nonsensical quality
in that the three single men on the show never lost complete control
of themselves while faced with the delectable feminine pulchritude of
Ginger and Mary Ann. For the show's audience, however, the
predicament of Mary Ann and Ginger fueled many an adolescent sexual
fantasy; and stories like this one will strike a resonant chord in the
mind of many a reader.
Ratings for "Gilligan Mashukah"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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