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Subject: {OddManOut}JDR"The New Carpet"( MF rom humor )[1/1]
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The following story is posted for the entertainment of adults. If you are
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erotic fiction in your locality, please delete this message now. The story
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=====================
DISCLAIMER: Professional wrestling is fake. Hulk Hogan, Jake the Snake,
Hacksaw Jim Duggin and all the others are just actors. Also, the following
story contains fictional accounts of sexual acts between two consenting
heterosexual adults. If this offends you, don't read it. If you're not
old enough to get sex stories off the internet, don't read it. Instead, go
to your local library and check out "Lady Chatterly's Lover" by D.H.
Lawrence, or anything by Henry Miller. I know they let me do it at my
library.
Oh yeah: The author grants permission to redistribute this story, on the
condition that it is not sold.
=====================
The New Carpet
by
OddManOut
(Who never got sex from any of his teachers or professors)
"Oh, yeah, that's good."
"Yeah, fuck me."
"I'm fucking you."
"Yeah you are, fuck me harder, yeah, just like that!"
"Oh, my god."
"Yes!"
"OH, my god!"
"Oh, yes!"
"Oooh, I'm going to come in you!"
"Yeah, come in me, I mean wait, I mean, oh, YES!"
"OH, I'm COMING!"
"I'm coming too, YES! YES!!!"
"OH MY GOD!!! HERE I COME!"
"YES!!!"
"OHHHH!!!"
"OH, GOD, YES!!!!"
"OHH! Oohh, wow!"
"Oh, yes."
"Oh, wow, I love you so much."
"I love you."
"You're so good."
"You're good too. It's so nice."
"I can't believe we just did it twice in a row."
"TED! WAIT!"
"What?"
"Don't pull out!"
"Okay." Ted stayed where he was, right on top of Carol. Not that he
had any problem with that. He'd been in worse places before. "I don't
know if I can get hard again so quickly, though." The second time had been
enough of a shock to him. It wasn't like he was twenty again. It wasn't
even like he was thirty again.
"It's not that." Carol's voice was a little strained beneath him,
trying to support the weight of his hips. She was still pressed against
him, keeping him as deep inside of her as he could.
"What do you mean?"
"Dammit, I told you when we started. I didn't want to get the carpet
dirty."
They were in the middle of the living room, lying on their new carpet.
The workmen had finally finished installing it yesterday, and Carol and Ted
had decided to break it in by watching television. It had been Ted's idea,
over the objections of Carol, for them to try lying on it naked. He had
been very persuasive about it, he thought with a grin. Carol had objected,
but it was hard for her to object to something when that something involved
Ted's fingers moving over her clit. They tossed their clothes on the couch
and after that, things just came naturally. When the first round was over
for him, he found that he was still hard, so he decided to keep going until
he softened up. The fact that he hadn't softened was a blessing, and soon
he'd added his second load to the one already inside her. Now he could
feel the pressure of the come held inside her by his penis, and he knew
what Carol meant. If he pulled out now, a large mess would come with him.
"Can't we just wash it off? I thought that this carpet was stain-
fast." Ted said.
Carol glared at him, and Ted suddenly realized that he had just
made a Male Mistake.
"The seats in your sports car are also stain-fast, Ted. Would you
like to make love there next time?"
"Sorry." Ted gave her a kiss on the forehead and tried to think.
Carol didn't want to mess up the carpet, but his T-shirt was somewhere on
the couch. That wouldn't be such a great loss, would it?
"Hey, stop shrinking like that!" She caught Ted by surprise. "Huh?"
Carol looked at him and said "You're getting soft. I'm going to leak
out around you."
Ted rolled his eyes and said "I just came twice, Carol, and I'm trying
to think of a way out of here. And it's not like I can get hard on
command anymore."
"Yeah, I've noticed lately." She could see that her last remark hurt
him, and she was instantly sorry she'd said it. Despite her initial
objections and the predicament they were now in, the last hour and a half
(and when was the last time THAT had happened!) had been lovely. She
didn't want to thank him by insulting his manhood.
"I'm sorry, Ted. I didn't mean it that way." Ted gave her a look,
but she went on. "This was nice, it really was. I guess he does need a
rest, doesn't he?" She pushed herself up into him hard, trying to
pressure-seal herself to him. It was a good idea, but she realized she
couldn't hold it forever. Especially once he started pushing her towards
the bathroom.
The carpet covered almost all of the ground floor in aquamarine,
connecting the computer room to the living room to the dining room. Only
the kitchen and bathroom were untouched. It was a definite improvement
over the carpet that came with the house. Tom had called that one the
Orange Fungus. Who bought orange carpets, anyway? The bathroom was the
closest uncarpeted area to them, nested just fifteen feet away between the
living room and the computer room. If Ted could push her over the carpet
to the bathroom, and then if they could get the door open, they'd be home
free, and they could finally decouple.
Carol could feel Ted's sperm inside her, pushing their way back
against his softening cock as if they wanted to fertilize the carpet.
Carol's carpet. Carol's carpet was still a virgin, and she was very
protective of it. She didn't want it stripped of its innocence so early in
its life by Ted's sperm. She slid her hand over his rear and cupped his
balls in her hand, stroking them softly.
"What are you doing?" He was a little surprised when he felt her
fondle his testicles. He looked down to see her smiling up at him. "Well,
we can't have you going soft, can we?" she said, with a small squeeze.
"I just came twice." He repeated, but he wasn't objecting. If Carol
wanted to turn him on, that was okay by him.
"We can't get mad at each other." She said. "Not now. It's like
Peter Pan. Think happy thoughts."
"Okay." Ted tried thinking of something that turned him on.
Something that would be guaranteed to stop his softening member. He found
it. "Remember when we went camping in Yellowstone?"
Carol closed her eyes and smiled. "Of course I remember. We had to
get a new sleeping bag, as I recall."
"Oops, bad example, I guess." Ted started to think of something else.
"No, Yellowstone's fine." She said. "Yellowstone's great. That was when
you finally got me to give you a blow job."
"Yeah." Their talk was having the desired effect. "I told you it
wouldn't be so dirty." He said.
She could feel him get harder as they remembered her first honest
attempt to make love to him with her mouth. She had been tentative at
first, preparing herself for what she thought would taste filthy and awful.
When she had finally touched it with her tongue, she found that it wasn't
filthy, but tasted just like the rest of him, maybe a little oilier. And
when she looked up at him and saw the rapture on his face as she swirled
her tongue around the head, she had decided it might not be so bad after
all.
Thinking back, she said, "That wasn't our only first, if I recall."
She remembered the "incentive" he had given that had disgusted her when he
said it (it had turned her off to it, even). After she had finished
sucking him off, she had told him that he didn't need to eat her out in
return, and that she didn't want it. He backed off at first, but later
that night he did it anyway, and Carol had woken up to the most incredible
feeling in her life. It was that night that Carol had decided to herself
that it wasn't sinful to engage in oral sex, at least not if they kept it
in moderation.
"Well, that wasn't so hard after all." Ted said. He was firm inside
of her. Not stiff yet, but hard enough to keep their combined juices from
leaking out of her. "At least, it wasn't hard then, but it sure is now."
Carol smiled at his little joke. "Okay. I think you can push me over
to the bathroom." She said.
Ted shook his head. "My T-shirt's on the couch. We can use that to
soak up the juices."
She looked at him like he was crazy. "Ted, that's disgusting!" He
bent and kissed her breast, maintaining his erection. "It's only a T-
shirt. It can be sacrificed for the carpet."
She thought for a second. "What shirt is it?"
"It's the shirt I got from the Shedd Aquarium."
She was shocked. "Ted, you can't use that shirt!"
He raised his mouth from her nipple and said "Why not?"
She looked at him in disbelief. "That's a beautiful shirt. I love
that shirt. Penny had me get you that shirt, and I'm not going to let you
use it that way. Why couldn't you have worn your Hooters shirt today? I
wouldn't mind using *that* one."
Ted rolled his eyes and slid a little bit further in. "All right,
we'll go to the bathroom."
Digging his feet into the soft carpet, Ted began to push forward into
her with all the power he could use. It was a tricky balance. Too much
strength would make him slip back on the carpet. Not enough, and he'd just
be pushing back into Carol. Ted struggled for a couple minutes, sliding
and flopping around as he fought to stay buried in Carol's vagina. Two
minutes work only moved her two feet, and already Ted was feeling tired.
"Hold on. I'm going to try to lift you up." He did try, but found it
was impossible: his need to remain inside of her kept her pinned to the
floor when he tried lifting her from above. They flipped over, but this
was even worse. Ted was too heavy a load for Carol to push, and Carol's
position above him kept him from getting any significant traction on the
carpet with his feet. They rested for a while, and she rode softly on his
member, keeping him hard inside her.
Suddenly Ted got an idea. "What if I sat up like this?" He said,
placing his arms at his sides and pushing his torso up. Carol started to
go down, remaining perpendicular to him. "Wait, Carol. You sit up, too."
"Okay." She said, pushing herself up to join him.
He put his arms around her to keep them together as he surveyed their
position. They were both sitting up, facing each other and joined at the
hip. Carol's legs wrapped around his waist and rested on the carpet, while
she sat on his lap. Ted's legs were splayed out behind her. He moved them
together and raised his knees, so that now only their feet and his butt
were touching the carpet.
"Okay. Now I'm going to push off with my legs, and I want you to
raise up and pull yourself into me with yours. Okay?"
She agreed, and he pushed his legs out as hard as he could. She
pulled her legs in, and they slid forward about an inch. The move was
jerky, and the sudden motion almost overturned the couple.
"Hold your arms around me, and I'll use my arms to lift our butts off
the floor when I push."
She put her arms around his back, and pulled him up close to her
torso. He could feel her hot breasts crushed against his chest, and his
hard-on grew half a notch. "Mmm. I feel like I could add a third load
right now."
"Don't you dare, Ted."
He pushed down on the carpet, and their bodies rose for a split second
as he pushed back with his legs, and she pulled forward with hers. This
time they moved a full foot.
"There we go." Carol said. She kissed him and said "You are so
clever." She wanted to keep Ted feeling good and hard if they
were to have any chance of saving the carpet.
"Shall we do it again?" He asked.
She said yes, and they began their slow progress towards the bathroom
door. Every time they came down, she pulled herself a little bit forward,
pressing her hips against Ted's waist.
Each impact caused her to crash down into him, like a slow, hard
fucking. Carol found herself getting hot again from this new stimulation.
Ted was looking behind his shoulder at where they were headed and he turned
back to face his wife. Carol knew he was seeing her face flushed with
arousal, and turned even redder with the realization that he knew she was
hot.
"You like?" Ted asked. She nodded her head slightly. The next time
they came down, she pulled herself forward, but kept her legs closed around
Ted's waist for a few seconds before allowing him to draw in his legs.
Ted gave her a kiss on the forehead and said "I thought you didn't want to
go again."
Fighting to keep her head clear, she replied "I don't. We've got to
get into the bathroom. Then we'll do it." She laughed quietly and said
"This is crazy. We've already done it twice. When was the last time I was
turned
on this much?"
Ted smiled and pushed them back further towards the door. They had
only six more feet to go. He said "Remember back when we were both working
two jobs? When we managed to get some time alone together, you were like
this."
"I was?" All she could remember was that they really had to scrounge
for quality time back then.
"Trust me, I remember." Ted said. They'd been having sex every day
for the first few weeks after their honeymoon When they had to start
supporting themselves, the frequency dropped down to about once every two
weeks, whenever they weren't working or tired. They'd done the best they
could to make up for the lost time, sometimes spending the entire afternoon
in bed. Carol had been insatiable back then. Ted could remember a time
after he'd just had his second orgasm and Carol had had her fourth. He'd
gone to the bathroom to wash up, and returned to find her playing with
herself under the sheet, wanting more. She'd been mortified when she saw
him looking, but he'd managed to calm her down, and they'd enjoyed another
round.
Carol felt him getting stiffer inside of her as they closed in on the
door. She looked at his face and said "Happy thoughts?" Ted smiled and
squeezed her nipple. She gasped softly, and pulled herself down on his
penis steadily. Carol's feet were now about one foot away from the
bathroom door, and she began to guide Ted on his last few pushes. "On our
next one, let's angle a little bit to the right. My right. There we go."
He lifted and pushed, and pulled their bodies parallel to the door.
Relieved, Ted reached up and grabbed the knob.
It wouldn't turn.
"It's not turning, Carol." Ted said. He turned on it harder, but the
knob wouldn't budge.
Carol looked at his hand, confused. "Is it locked?"
Ted's eyes closed in frustration as he tried to strongarm the door.
"No, it's not locked. It's broken or something. It's not jiggling like
it's locked."
"What do you mean, it's not jiggling?" Carol's voice was getting
desperate.
"Why don't you try it and see what I mean?" Ted said, frustration
giving his voice an angry edge. Carol reached up and grabbed the knob.
Sure enough, it wouldn't turn. Nothing even rattled in protest when she
tried to turn it. Whatever was wrong inside had frozen the gears. She
jerked the knob angrily, then sank back into Ted when the door refused to
yield.
"I guess it's the kitchen, then." Ted was angry at the cheap
doorknob. Their house was fairly new, and it was obvious that whoever had
been contracted to build it knew how to cut corners. If there was one
thing he hated, it was a half-assed way of doing things. He planted his
hands into the carpet and pushed himself forward roughly. He slammed into
Carol, and she fell back on his lap, holding her nose.
"Honey, are you okay?" Instantly his anger evaporated as he pulled
his wife back up on his lap. She was holding her nose in her hands, still
surprised from his sudden movement. "Let me see, honey. I'm so sorry."
She held her nose with a hurt look and said. "I'm okay. You didn't
slip out, did you?"
Damn! He hadn't noticed! Frantically, Ted checked his penis, and was
relieved to find that he was still deep inside his wife. "I'm still inside
you. I'm getting a little soft, though. Let me see your nose, honey."
He pried her hands off her face and inspected her nose tenderly. A
small trickle of blood flowed from her nostril. Worried, Ted prodded the
structure of her nose.
"Ouch!"
"It's all right. Nothing seems to be broken. You're just bleeding a
bit."
Carol smiled weakly, but soon began to cry. Ted held her in his arms
and comforted her until she could get control of herself. "I'm sorry,
Carol. I was just mad, and I didn't think about what I was doing."
She snuffled it in, and said "It's all right, Ted. Here, help me up."
Ted protested. "You're getting up? What about the carpet?"
"I don't care about the carpet, I just want to wash my nose. I can
clean the carpet later."
She tried to get up, but Ted didn't let her. "Uh-uh. The least I can
do to make this up to you is to get us off this rug without staining it."
Carol looked at him sullenly. "We've got to go all the way to the
kitchen. If we just jerk around like this, my nose will start bleeding
more."
"It's OK. I've got an idea. Here, I'm going to lean back. You come
with me." He leaned back slowly. "Put your legs down by mine as you lean
forward."
Awkwardly, Carol rocked from side to side, moving one leg, then the
other around them to rest against his. She was lying on top of him, spread
out from his chest to his thighs. "OK. Now I'm going to put my arms
around you, and we'll roll our way to the kitchen."
He held her and began to roll, but she stopped him. "Wait. You're
not hard yet. You're going to slip out."
They sat in silence, waiting for Ted to make himself hard.
Carol said "This isn't going to work." She felt unattractive, with
her eyes puffy from crying and her nose trickling blood. She was doing her
best to lap up the blood from her nose before any dripped on the carpet,
and she imagined how horrible she must look to him. She'd always felt a
little surprised that he could have a sexual desire for her, she'd never
looked anything like a centerfold. Now that she was old, he should have
been out at the strip bars, looking at younger women, not here with her,
trying to keep her damn carpet clean--
"Honey, what's wrong?" Ted stared up at her.
She realized she'd started to cry again, and knew he'd never be able
to get hard now.
"Don't look at me."
"Why not?"
He was still staring up at her face, and she felt hideous. "I look
horrible, and you need to get hard again."
His hands started to stroke her back, finding her soft spots and
touching them lightly. "You look great. I love looking at you."
"I've just been crying, my hair's a mess, and I'm licking blood that's
coming out of my nose. How could I possibly look great, Ted?"
Ted looked her straight in the eye and said "Maybe I like to see
crying women drink blood."
She held his gaze for a few seconds, then they both began to laugh.
Ted could feel her walls contract around his cock as she laughed, an
erratic jerking and squeezing that came from deep within her. Maybe he
*did* like her this way. He'd started to get hard when he first saw her
stick out her tongue to lap up her blood, sliding it above her upper lip to
the bridge of her nose. It looked very sensual, and was made even more
erotic by the fact that it wasn't supposed to be. Propping himself up on
his hands, he reached up and kissed her on the lips, tasting her metallic
blood through the saliva. Carol recoiled a bit when he did this, but he
remained there, leaning back against his arms, and she brought her head
forward again and kissed him back. He was semi-hard now, and as their lips
locked and he felt her tongue slide in, Ted could feel the blood pulsing
back through his penis.
He closed his eyes and enjoyed her kiss, which was one of the reasons
he'd married her. For a girl who looked and acted so proper, Carol had
always been able to turn him on with her lips and tongue, turning even a
pristine kiss goodnight into an erotic act. Right now they were anything
but pristine, and that made it that much more erotic. Once their mouths
were joined together, she sucked in, creating a vacuum in his mouth that
she filled with her aggressive tongue. She traced the gum line of his
teeth briefly, then pushed her head into him to go back down his throat.
He felt the hot breath from her nose as she exhaled onto his cheek, not
wanting to come up for air. His own tongue was trying to push back into
her mouth, but was pinned to his cheek. Carol let up a little on her
probing, and he took advantage, diving into her mouth before she could
attack again. He was rock-hard now, and pulled his head away from her
mouth long enough to say "I'm going to start rolling now."
"Okay." She said, and he brought his mouth back to hers. Joined
together at the hips and mouth, they began to roll slowly away from the
bathroom. When it looked like he might begin to fall out, she wrapped her
legs around his and hooked her feet together at the back, trapping him
inside. Whenever Carol's nose leaked a little blood, Ted would break their
kiss and lick it up for her. By pushing his torso away from hers, he could
widen one end of their joined bodies, allowing them to turn as they rolled.
They turned away from the bathroom, then slowly rolled across the floor
towards the dining room. They rolled up to the dining table and stopped.
Here was another obstacle. The dining table was large and wide, and
there was only four feet of clearance between it and the wall on either
side. The swing-door to the kitchen was just beyond, ten feet from where
they lay. Ted looked down at his wife. "Do you want to do the sitting
thing again?" She smiled and nodded her head.
As he rolled over onto his back, they heard a faint jingling sound
coming through the house, and Daisy trotted out into the living room. The
sight of two naked humans flopping about on the floor was unfamiliar to
her, and she cocked her head and looked at them.
Ted saw the dog looking, and said "Daisy, go away."
Daisy just stood there, trying to take in the unfamiliar sight and the
odd smell. Ted may have wanted her to go away, but she was intensely
curious about this particular smell. She had smelt it before, of course,
but it was always after they had created it. She was never allowed in the
room while the two humans did whatever they did that smelled like that.
She *was* allowed in the room with the younger female, and had even
witnessed as she produced a smell that was similar. However, that smell
definitely lacked a quality that was present with the older pair. Now they
were right in front of her, and it was overpowering to her senses.
Whining a little bit, Daisy took a few steps closer to get a better
look. Surely that wouldn't hurt. Carol spoke, saying something stern to
her. What could she be stern about? All Daisy wanted to do was explore
this odor.
"NO!" That was from Ted, and it was very firm and commanding, and it
made her pause. They obviously didn't want her to get closer, but the
smell was so intriguing. It looked like it was coming from the place where
they were joined together. Were they mating? Warnings or not, she had to
get a better look!
"Oh, god, Ted, the dog is sniffing at us!" Ted leaned back and tried
to push Daisy's nose away from their bodies. His efforts only made her
more insistent, and she ducked under his hand and buried her cold snout
right between Carol's legs. Carol jerked with a squeak when she felt this,
but didn't dare pull away from Ted, who was frantically grasping to get
some sort of a hold on the dog. He was finally able to grab Daisy's
collar, and began pulling her away from their crotches. On her way out,
Daisy tried to take a lick, and ended up running her tongue lightly up the
crack of his butt. The shock of this feeling caused Ted to jump and let go
of her, and she went back at it again, diving into their junction and
licking up as much as she could.
Ted flailed behind himself to get the dog, but every time her
uninhibited tongue rasped against his testicles or ass, the unwanted
stimulation caused him to spasm. His arm found Daisy's collar again, and
he roughly pulled her around to his side before she could do any more
strategic licking. The dog came with a yelp, and immediately assumed a
submissive posture when she sensed that she had done a Bad Thing. Self-
consciously, she licked the residue of her master's fluids off her mouth,
and stared up into Ted's eyes.
Ted was trying to think of a way to discipline his dog for licking
them, but he couldn't come up with any ideas that involved him staying
inside Carol. Also, Daisy was giving him her "sad-dog" look, and he could
never bring himself to be harsh with Daisy when she had her "sad-dog" look
on. It was a trick she used often. He shoved the dog away, then said
"Go!", bringing his arm up and pointing out of the room. This time Daisy
got the message and slunk away. The smell hadn't really been all *that*
interesting, anyway.
Ted looked down at Carol, who looked to him a little traumatized about
the whole affair. Suddenly she started giggling, and he realized that
she'd been trying to keep from laughing the whole time. He joined in, and
they spent the next minute just laughing together, waiting for it to pass
so they could finish their trip. As they pulled each other up, she was
still laughing in little spurts, and she twitched appealingly on his cock.
They passed through the dining room in the same way they had
approached the bathroom. They moved more slowly, being careful not to
catch their feet in the chairs that were pulled in at the side of the
table. After ten minutes of careful motion, they passed the table, and
pushed themselves through the swing door into the kitchen. As soon as he
felt the cold tile beneath his thighs, Ted leaned back to the floor and
rested his aching arms. That wasn't all that was ached. As Carol started
to pull herself off him he stopped her, and they enjoyed a third time on
their kitchen floor.
Carol rode him slowly as he gently rolled her nipples between his
fingers. She came first, and as she came down from her climax she bent
forward to give him another one of her fabulous kisses. Ted groaned into
her mouth and added his third load to the mess that was already inside of
her. After she felt him come, she kissed him on the forehead and pulled
herself off of him. Her pussy was wide open from two hours of stretching,
and their combined juices rushed out of her to coat Ted's belly. Naked,
they walked to the sink and wiped themselves off with paper towels,
cleaning themselves off enough to walk to the shower without ruining the
carpet.
That night, after Penny was asleep and Daisy was safely locked out of
the room, they talked about the day, and how it was nice to have had so
much time together, even if it was under accidental circumstances.
"You know," said Ted, "after talking about it, I think I'm ready to go
one more time."
"Ted, please, not now."
"Why not?"
"We did it three times this afternoon."
"And we can do it a fourth time tonight."
"Can't you go to sleep? Mmm. That feels nice though. Okay. You can
give me a backrub. Ted, I said a BACKRUB."
"This is part of your back."
"Ted, a backrub is--oh, Ted, not now!"
"Why not?"
"Ted, these are new sheets, and--oh! Ted, I just did the laundry
yesterday. We're going to leave a wet spot!"
THE END?
Comments? Critiques? Flames? Wannafucks? None will do you any good
whatsoever, but for those who desperately feel the need (i.e. "Pro
Wrestling is too for real!") do it in alt.sex.stories.d.
"It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared to
be obscene, they could never have dared to be great."
-Havelock Ellis
=====================
The New Carpet
by
OddManOut
-30-
--
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