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Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 244 - Dec 20
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Celestial Reviews 245 - December 24, 1997
Note: I'd like to take this occasion to wish everyone a Happy Holiday Season.
I'm taking a week off to celebrate Christmas. I'll be traveling and visiting
relatives, but I'll take a bunch of stories on my laptop computer. I'll be
back with a full issue of Celestial Reviews on January 3.
Second note: Around this time it's good to express thanks to people who have
helped out. The only danger in doing this is that I'll miss someone. I'd
like to express special gratitude to all my guest reviewers. They have
written reviews of over 300 stories in just a few months. I'd also like to
express public thanks to Eli the Bearded. Not only does he run a.s.s.m. and
write an occasional story himself, but he also posts all my reviews in a
manner that is much more convenient to both me and you than would be possible
through AOL alone. I'd also like to thank Ole Joe, whose compendium of
information about a.s.s. and its authors is truly magnificent. In addition,
I'd like to express appreciation to all the people who make stories available
- either in the spam-filled environment of a.s.s. or on their personal web
sites. Finally, I'd like to thank the many people who have communicated with
me privately about various issues. I cannot always respond individually, but
I truly value your input and feedback.
As I said, the danger in doing this is that I'll forget somebody. So I'll
take this opportunity to apologize to the people I forgot to mention.
Third note: A man in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly
regular basis. After the second week, he makes his move.
"No thank you," she says politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and
age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult," the man replies.
"Oh, I don't mind too much," she says. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."
Fourth note: I have just been informed that Sami says that he has put the
Christmas stories I have reviewed to the web site at www.gilglin.com/celeste/.
So if you want you want to find these stories quickly, you can look there.
Thanks, Sami!
Fifth note: The Christmas stories keep cumming - er, I mean coming! That's
fine! I thought I was about finished last issue, but I have eleven more to
review here. It's OK to keep on sending them right up until January 1. Also
note that I found one more Christmas story for which I am reposting a review.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Pommel Horse" by Estragon (childhood femdom) 10, 8, 8
"Dancing in the Dark" by Michael K. Smith (romance) 10, 10, 10
Celestial Christmas Story Contest:
"Snow Flake" by DG (psychic romance) 10, 10, 10
"Room with a View" by Mark Aster (romance at an orgy)
10, 10, 10
"Seduction" by A Magician (hot mm sex) 10, 10, 10
"A Very Rejected Christmas" by OddManOut Anywhere
(Christmas threesome) 10, 8, 8
"Winter Solstice" by Raven M. (medieval lesbian orgy) 10, 8, 8
"Christmas Dinner" by Tom Bombadil (poignant romance)
10, 10, 10
"Claustrophobia" by Adrian Hunter (sexual torture) 10, 10, 8
"Christmas in Scarsdale" by MrSpraycan (mild bdsm)
10, 10, 10
"Christmas Present For Kathy" by Unknown Author (anal sex)
6, 5, 5
"Stocking Filler" by Bronwen (Christmas magic) 10, 10, 10
"Dance With Me" by Ellen Hayes (outdoor sex) 10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Paris in the Spring Time" by Sexy Grrrl (menage a trois
en Paris)
"Katrina" by Hawk Richards (infidelity) 10, 6/9, 8
"A Bottle Of Dreams" by Tal Greywolf (sex fantasies & magic)
9, 9, 9
"Anglophile?? Me?" Jules Chavrien (soldier on leave) 10, 10, 10
"Donna Murrey: Night Nurse" by Leo Sanderson (sex with nurse)
7.5, 8, 7
"Beneath the Bridge" by Brother Cadfael (risky quickie) 9, 9, 9
"Good Sport" by Phil Phantom (wife watching) 9, 7, 8
"Stripper's Delight" by Unnamed Author (sex with stripper)
6.7, 9.0, 4.7
"Candid Camera" by Teddy Bear (sex with model) 10, 9, 10
"Bora Bora" by Andres (sex in a commercial paradise) 8, 9.5, 9
"Behind The Barn" by Unknown Author (loosening up on the
farm) 9, 9, 8
"The 'Forbidden Fruit" by Ian Dodd (club pick-up) 9, 8, 8
Reposted Christmas Story Reviews:
* "All We Like Sheep" by MC Woodsmoke (mind control) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"Pommel Horse" by Estragon (RGT@WELL.COM). If you have read previous stories
by Estragon, you know that this author believes that the purpose in life of
boys and men is to be subservient to their female counterparts. Old
psychology books used to talk about "penis envy": this author would probably
prefer the term "penis embarrassment." A major theme in these stories is that
boys find their true happiness in being humiliated or dominated by girls, and
the sooner boys and girls discover this relationship the better.
This sounds like a bizarre theory, but the author approaches it seriously, and
it actually begins to make sense. The present story is currently incomplete;
and even when it is finished I doubt that it will be as good as this author's
"I Learn to Think," which even males who reject this thesis tend to find to be
a thoroughly enjoyable story. But the present story is still a very good one.
Fifteen-year-old Benjie has been selected to serve as a sort of living
audiovisual aid for a group of thirteen-year-old girls, who need help
mastering their roles as dominators of men. The early part of the story
describes his feelings - positives ones - about the prospect of being naked in
front of a group of girls who would see him, touch him, and observe how he
reacted when they swatted his penis and jolted his balls. Benjie engages in
some simple but highly philosophical reflections while waiting, and the
present part of the story ends with him being led by two girls into the
company of the other girls. "Dead man walking," Benjie thinks. But he's
actually happy about it.
The author has posted the story and wants feedback now, and so I am reviewing
it before it is nearly complete. I know from experience with this author's
other work that all of this will eventually come together, but right now there
is a distinct impression of incompleteness - plus a feeling that this whole
proposition just doesn't make sense. I am confident that that feeling will go
away by the time I see the end of this story. In other words, the ratings are
likely to go up when this story is finished.
Ratings for "Pommel Horse"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Dancing in the Dark" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith1@swbell.net). In general,
you can almost consider it a sure bet that a story that takes place almost
entirely on the floor of a dark closet will be neither sexy nor romantic. But
as my grandma used to say, "There's no such thing as a sure bet." This story
is both romantic and sexy. More romantic than sexy, but still quite sexy.
The man comes home from work and can't find his wife. After a short search,
he finds her huddled on the floor in a dark closet. Her world has fallen
apart. The company in which she has held a good job has been sold, and she
has been fired. I suppose it was a choice between eating worms and hiding in
the closet. The romance, of course, lies in the man demonstrating her worth
to the woman while making tender love to her. As I said, this story is both
romantic and sexy. More romantic than sexy, but still quite sexy.
Ratings for "Dancing in the Dark"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Snow Flake" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). I planned to just glance at this
story late at night and then read it in the morning. However, once I started,
I couldn't put it aside. My husband could wait. Heck, if he fell asleep
waiting for me, I'd feel guilty and make it up to him with one of my famous
blowjobs. By the way, that's the Second Blowjob Principle: If you screw up,
give the person for whom you screwed up a good blowjob, and he probably won't
care. This principle may fail for someone else, but it has never failed me
with regard to my husband. Sometimes he even tricks me into screwing up so
that I'll have to resort to the SBP.
Back to the story. A man has to finish his thesis quickly, so that he can get
his Ph.D. and a job. He plans to shack up alone during Christmas vacation at
his parents' isolated cabin in the Adirondacks. On his way to the cabin and
in the midst of a huge snowstorm, he comes upon <g> an overturned car, which
contains the nearly frozen body of the beautiful woman who (we may suppose)
will become extremely grateful to him for saving her life and who will serve
as a major distraction with regard to that thesis.
The woman turns out to be a psychic. We know this because (a) she says so and
(b) she has an aureole instead of an areola around each nipple. Psychics are
like that. Even the Lone Ranger's faithful psychic Tonto. Actually, this
paragraph is largely a sarcastic spelling lesson.
Since Alan is a scientist, he doesn't really believe Dee is a psychic; but
because she is very grateful and appears to be interested in applying one of
the Blowjob Principles as a means of expressing her gratitude, he decides to
play along. As the author puts it, ".... something about Dee made it seem
natural and right." I won't tell you any more of the plot, except to say that
the sex is very hot and well integrated into the story line. The story is
sort of a hedonistic, druid version of an episode from "Touched by an Angel."
Here's an example of an ambiguous expression: "After laying the cold, limp
body on the couch...." It would have been better to say "After laying the
cold, limp body DOWN on the couch...." or "placing the body, etc." Especially
with a dead body, the present phraseology sounds like necrophilia. Actually,
the grammar is NOT a serious problem in this story. This is an exceptionally
well-written story, and I enjoy finding minor problems with nearly perfect
expression. That's why I'm an English teacher. As my husband once said, "If
you're going to be a bitchy perfectionist about one of the two things you're
exceptionally good at, I'm glad you chose to be an English teacher."
Ratings for "Snow Flake"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Room with a View" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). Malinov has apparently
been coordinating some sort of cyber-orgy to celebrate the winter solstice. I
don't know much about it; but that's OK. I think the orgy is taking place at
Malinov's web site. This story is associated with Malinov's orgy, but it
still makes good sense to me as an outsider.
The narrator meets a woman at the orgy and they talk seductively. Then they
go to a room and fuck. That's the short version. Aster's version has more
details and is more likely to make you feel good inside. Grammatically, that
final adverb can become a preposition if you add a proper object after or
while reading this story.
Ratings for "Room with a View"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Seduction" by A Magician (a-magician@mailcity.com). Because of a failed
marriage, the narrator has become seriously depressed. Seeing little meaning
in life, he finds himself poverty-stricken and practically homeless on
Christmas eve in Atlanta. Because the YMCA where he is staying is crowded, he
is assigned a roommate - a handsome young man who comes on to him and
eventually seduces him.
It turns out to be one heckuva sexually intimate one-time encounter. The
narrator does not "become" gay, but he thoroughly enjoys the experience, and
it rejuvenates his life. The author does an excellent job of vividly
integrating past memories with current sexual experiences.
If this involved women, I would label it "hot ff sex," and readers of both
genders would enjoy it. However, I suspect that since this is "hot mm sex,"
some men will not enjoy this story. I personally did enjoy it very much, and
I urge you to take a look at it with an open mind.
Ratings for "Seduction"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Very Rejected Christmas" by OddManOut Anywhere. This story purports to be
a rejected letter from the Penthouse Forum. Like almost all those letters, it
begins, "I am an avid reader of your magazine, but I never in my wildest
dreams thought that the stories you print could ever happen to me. That is,
never until last Christmas eve!" In spite of being a 5'8" blonde with a
36C-22-36 frame, Lisa is still a virgin at 21. No! I know what you're
thinking! This is not a letter from ME. I am not a blonde.
The plot is not exactly complicated. Lisa and her friend Pam go to Florida
for Christmas vacation, so that Lisa can get her cherry popped by the sexy
guys who surely must hang out there. The find no men to speak of, but Santa
finds Lisa and Pam; and he fills Lisa with his throbbing north pole in the
midst of numerous other cliches. In fact, the main purpose of this story is
to relate as many Christmas expressions as possible to sexual activity. Lisa
has her best Christmas ever!
Ratings for "A Very Rejected Christmas"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Winter Solstice" by Raven M. (adennehy@internetMCI.com). When Queen Guenivere
leaves them alone for a while, the ladies of the Round Table decide to find a
way to celebrate the winter solstice. The druids celebrate with lovemaking;
but the ladies' husbands are all gone on a hunt or quest or something. What
are the women to do? Well, have a lesbian orgy, of course.
I did not find the sexual descriptions to be exceptionally vivid, but the
medieval atmosphere did enhance them. This is a very nice story!
Ratings for "Winter Solstice"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Christmas Dinner" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). This is a very
touching story about a wealthy man who has found meaning in life by working at
a soup kitchen that serves the homeless. As the title suggests, the focal
point of the story is Christmas dinner. The story contains very little sexual
activity: it's romantic rather than sexy. I can tell you no more, because
people who like this sort of story usually enjoy discovering the details by
themselves.
Ratings for "Christmas Dinner"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Claustrophobia" by Adrian Hunter (adrian_hunter@hotmail.com). My Christmas
contest has evoked all kinds of entries. This one may be the most unique
entry. I know, I know - "unique" doesn't have a comparative or superlative.
Either something is unique, or it's not. This story proves that rule wrong.
This one is probably the most unique entry.
The woman works for a senator in Washington DC. Some time ago, she had
exposed a jerk she worked with as a fraud - specifically, she obtained a
sexually embarrassing picture of him and circulated it among his colleagues.
As the story begins, somebody (she assumes it is this jerk) is not exactly
raping her, but he's abusing her very cruelly while a Christmas party is going
on nearby. But that's not the only connection with Christmas. To find out
more, you'll have to read the story.
This story is extremely well written. My rating of "8" for appeal to reviewer
is probably a personal quirk. Those of you who enjoy a clever torture story
may find this to be one of the best of that genre. Really!
Ratings for "Claustrophobia"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Christmas in Scarsdale" by MrSpraycan (mrspraycan@mailanon.com). This is a
follow-up to "Christmas Carole," which I reviewed in CR 242. The time is still
1941. In fact, it's just one day later, and Carole is beginning to bring Pat
out of his secluded sexual existence. His lessons for today are lesbianism
and mild bdsm. Pat is shocked and elated to know that there are women in the
world like Carole - women who crave and enjoy sex as much as men do and who
want to be dominated by sexy men like himself. He is excited by the very
thought that one of these women considers him to be the perfect stud.
Meanwhile, Carole seems to have her mind set on a new lifestyle that involves
her and Pat being together a lot more often.
I suspect that MrSpraycan has a lot more stories for this incipient series.
This story could stand alone, but I would recommend reading the other first.
Ratings for "Christmas in Scarsdale"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Christmas Present For Kathy" by Unknown Author (posted by
storiesman@aol.com). The man is driving Kathy are coming home from a formal
dinner, and they stop off for a peep show. They go into the booth in their
formal attire and proceed to hump while the woman on the screen gets her ass
fucked. The action is badly coordinated. Neither the plot on the screen nor
the plot of this story has much to offer. Oh! This is called a Christmas
story because they were coming home from a formal party on Christmas eve.
Ratings for "Christmas Present For Kathy"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Stocking Filler" by Bronwen (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com). The husband has
promised to get the best Santa costume ever. The wife has skipped midnight
mass and has sexed herself up to give Santa the ride of his life. The rest of
the plot is easy to guess: the wife will fuck the brains out of the wrong
person. Right? 'Tis a simple plot, but Bronwen will make it interesting.
Right?
Well, close - but way off! This is an extremely imaginative, highly sexy,
magical, just plain erotic story of Christmas sex. I'm not even going to try
to summarize it any further. If you're interested in Christmas or sex or
pagan gods or anything in between or all of the above, you'll love this story!
Ratings for "Stocking Filler"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Dance With Me" by Ellen Hayes (ehayes@nym.alias.net). The rules of this
contest said I would interpret the Christmas theme loosely. In this case the
story is about a high school Christmas dance, but David doesn't even go into
the gym where the dance is being held. While waiting for his date, he is
diverted to a different, very romantic location by an exceptionally attractive
strange woman, who initiates him into the rites of sexual pleasure. There's a
lot more to the story than this, but I really can't say much more without
ruining it for you.
The author writes in a flawless style that makes the complex plot easy to
follow. This is an extremely good story.
Ratings for "Dance With Me"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Paris in the Spring Time" by Sexy Grrrl (bigsexygrrl@hotmail.com). Guest
review by Mat Twassel.
This is a chapter from a longer work: "Education of a Princess" by Sexy
Grrrl. I haven't read any of the other chapters, but this one is just
interesting enough to tempt me to take a look for them. The story line, what
there is of it: a man takes his 18-year-old niece to Paris. They flirt on the
plane, tease each other in the taxi, go to a French bar and pick up a French
boy and take him back to the hotel.
Probably the best paragraph of this short chapter describes what happened with
the French boy:
It was never enough, then. We could never go too far. A
stranger in a bar, a gorgeous boy she made idle small talk
with, flirting in her broken French, became a partner in our
passion one hour later. His dick in her mouth, my dick in
her ass, watching him shudder with pleasure at the feel of
her tongue. His surprise when I wanted to watch them, as he
fucked her for what seemed like hours. But that was not what
I wanted, not like that. Not for him to make love to her, to
kiss her gently, lick her nipples, make her sigh. To whisper
sweet names to her in French, to kiss her tender eye lids.
It was lovemaking, when I wanted fucking, to see her fucked
and ridden. The sweetest orgasm I had ever seen, and why was
mine so bitter? She fucked him right in front of me,
and I was all alone. Her smile as she looked up at me,
pleased with herself afterwards. She kissed him good bye at
the door, then curled up in my lap. Eager to be reassured,
yes I'd liked it, she did well. And did I see him from where
I was sitting, could she have been angled better, a little
to the left? Could we go again tomorrow, should she dress
like more of a slut?
In next paragraph, the finale of the chapter, the couple is flying home. The
guy lets the girl give him head in the airplane bathroom, and then back in
their seats, he smells her hair while she sleeps against his shoulder.
The writing is far from awful, but the tenses go all over the place for such a
short trip, and often even the action, what little of it there is for such a
dense story, has the feel of summary. Maybe that's what the author
intended--kind of a confused wistful reverie. These aren't flat characters,
but I was much more interested in the girl than in her narrator Uncle. Too
bad he didn't really give her to me.
--Mat Twassel
"Katrina" by Hawk Richards (hawkrds@aol.com). Guest Review by M1ke Hunt.
I reviewed what I believe was Hawk's first story in a.s.s.: "As The Paige
Turns". I killed him, then praised his rewrite. I've read a bunch of his
stuff, and have enjoyed almost all of it. "Katrina" is shorter than most of
his work, and suffers for it.
Before the nits which I pic, let me say Hawk's writing has improved, is more
fluid, and most important!! - he's learned to use the spellcheck. <g>. He also
sets up a scene nicely and gives just enough flavor to the characters to get
started.
But that's where my criticism begins, because he doesn't take to the next
plateau. We meet Katrina and Joseph, her lover, and we worry with her about
her unfaithfulness to her husband Carl. We go through the obligatory sex
scene, and just as the story introduces an element of plot, "Katrina" ends.
Methinks Hawk was trying for a "surprise ending" but it flashes by too quickly
and is too trivial, and where there should be drama there's only a concluding
sentence or two.
"Katrina" is a story well written right up to the point where it should become
a story. Oops, then it's over.
Ratings for "Katrina"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot/character): 6/9
Mikeus (appeal to reviewer): 8
"A Bottle Of Dreams" by Tal Greywolf. Guest review by Kim.
I'm not really a lover of fantasy. Which may seem an odd thing to say coming
from a reviewer of sex fantasies, but what I mean is extraordinary fantasy
stuff. Which is a pity, because I believe this story to be a pretty good
example of the genre.
This will doubtless mean many people will disregard what I've got to say on
it, which is fair enough; but I'm going to try and be as fair as possible,
given my standing prejudices.
It's a tale of magic, morphing, ancient beings, and profound wish fulfillment,
all set in modern times.
Our hero, Andrew, wanders into a "Magickal Supply Shoppe" in the French
Quarter of New Orleans. There he is presented with a mysterious bottle, that
the wizened old shopkeeper assures him will deliver all his wishes and
desires.
Being slightly skeptical, Andrew nevertheless accepts the bottle and takes it
home.
Well wouldn't you know it, but lurking inside it is a babe of a Djinni. An
ancient race of thought-reading, shape-shifting supplicants, whose only desire
is to please their human master/mistress. Hmmm... never happens to me, dammit!
Surprisingly unfazed by this astonishing revelation, Andrew begins a whirlwind
romance with Aluria, the Djinni. This involves pretty much what you might
expect a young couple in love to get up to, plus quite a few that you probably
wouldn't.
I'm not sure how I would react to a man who has a burning desire to turn me
into a tree, but each to their own I guess. The furry crowd will like the many
half-man half-beast sexual encounters, but they did precious little for my
libido, unfortunately.
The thing I did like was the overwhelming sense of caring and love that the
author has poured into his characters. They are believable within the bounds
of the story line, and the relationship they form is really quite touching. I
was more than pleased to see a happy ending to the final problem that befalls
them.
As for the technical writing, well, it was a pretty long and leisurely paced
story, but I'm sure the author fully intended that. Although slow it was
captivating and interesting throughout. If you like your sex stories filled
with folk who can melt into puddles and flow into each other, then I guess
this is the story for you.
I can't say that I have a great desire to seek out any more of the authors
stories, but that has nothing to do with his story telling or writing
abilities, more to do with my lack of appreciation of adult versions of "I
dream of Jeanie". And if that sounds harsh, I don't mean it be, I actually
used to like that show quite a lot as a youngster.
Ratings for "A Bottle Of Dreams" by Tal Greywolf
Athena (technical quality): 9 (Nicely done)
Venus (plot & character): 9 (Slow and unsensationalist)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 9 (Despite all I said above, I enjoyed
it from a fairy tale point of view)
"Anglophile?? Me?" Jules Chavrien (legallert@aol.com). Guest review by Sven
the Elder.
In what I view as a serious lapse of personal judgment in requesting that I
consider carrying out this review, Celeste wrote to me, and I quote: " I am
sending them to you, because you are an official representative of the UK."
ROFL, Celeste - I love it but I fear there may be others who would consider
otherwise. But you just became my Fairy Godmother for this Christmas. Now I
have to try and be serious <cough! - cough! - still smiling!>
Before Celeste had sent this story to me, the Brit in me had already latched
onto the title and demanded that I read it. I have; and having enjoyed it, I
have also said as much to the author - remember the blow job principle and
Celeste's slogan - 'Have you given your BlowJob for the Day?'
Back to the job in hand - Sorry! the review. The story starts with our hero
explaining that he was an American soldier aged early twenties, stationed in
mid-France in the early sixties. He is going on leave and has decided to visit
the UK; hence the title declaration. His story is woven around the tale of
that leave, meeting and making friends with another Frenchman, a girl from
Israel, and lastly an American girl from New York. They fly to London and stay
there together while they get to know each other, very well; indeed,
intimately. It is a hot story, the sex is good and well described. The
background of London in the sixties is accurately described. (Been there, seen
the fogs, got the t-shirt, know the area - well!) To describe the story in any
more detail would spoil the narrative: the writer does it very well. This is
a good story, well written and most enjoyable.
Ratings for "Anglophile?? Me?"
Technical quality: 10
Plot & character: 10
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Donna Murrey: Night Nurse" by Leo Sanderson. Guest review by Anne747
(Anon747@aol.com).
I have a couple of mixed opinions about this piece. First let's talk about
the theme/plot of the story. The narrator of the story, Ron, is involved in
an accident and breaks both wrists. After a period of time he becomes
involved with the night nurse, who has some interesting ideas of therapy. I
remember years ago watching a rather tacky, but arousing porn flick about
nurses. I don't know, I'm guessing the appeal is the outfit - maybe the white
is a purity thing. The thrill seems to be about them 'coming out' of their
shell.
So, the story has some potential. One minor flaw that should be fixed is the
formatting. I'm talking about mainly punctuation here - sometimes no spaces
after commas, sometimes a space before, sometimes a period instead. It's just
slightly distracting, it draws your eye away from what you're reading. The
writer has also tried to build a little tension by delaying the sexual
activities, kind of a slow burn idea. It just could do with a few changes to
make it work better. A few scenes seem to end very abruptly. Perhaps a few
sentences here and there could fix it. (If the author is reading this - I'd
be quite happy to give you a specific example of what I mean.)
Now, it has been brought up a number of times that proofreading is important.
I've found it is still possible to miss errors when I do my own, so it does
help to have someone else do this. However, a spell check is a must, really.
There are some obvious spelling errors which could be eliminated easily. As a
matter of fact, most spell checks will help you pick up some of the formatting
errors too. If you're into the naughty nurse thing though, most of these
things likely won't bother you too much (okay, well it will bother some). I
think actually with a little work, it could be a much better piece.
Oh, and if I may be indulged a mini 'pet peeve'.... avoid using cock sizes and
bra sizes. I have been impressed by many things over the years with the men I
have dated. Just having a large cock is not one of them. It may also be a
cliche, but size doesn't matter. Frankly, it's other talents I'm much more
interested in <grin>.
Ratings for "Donna Murrey: Night Nurse"
Athena (technical quality): 7.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Beneath the Bridge" by Brother Cadfael. Guest review by Mark Aster.
This is a decently-well-written story about a couple who go out to a movie,
but really to have sex, and overcome various barriers, both physical and
spiritual, on the way to their orgasms. As the author's synopsis says, "Two
lovers, one married, rendezvous beneath a bridge." They get to the nice dark
place under the bridge, though, only after building their passion up during a
movie, and after being discovered by the security cops the first time they
park, in a mall parking garage. Watching this couple, so clearly hot for each
other, trying to get to a good place to consummate, is a nice study in
tension.
If this story has faults, they stem mostly from the fact that it is part of a
series of stories, and the series seems to be drawn from real life. It's
dangerous to write from real life, since real life doesn't always make any
narrative sense. Also the person who has experienced those bits of real life
will sometimes not realize how much of the familiar background is in fact
unfamiliar to the reader. I didn't really get why they felt they had to make
love in the car (rather than going back to his place, say, or checking into a
by-the-hour motel); and I didn't get why they had to worry about the time and
what her husband might think, since her husband knows they're going out, and
knows that they've been lovers. I'm sure the author knows, but I found myself
wondering.
The emotional thread running through this story is that the two were in love,
or at least emotionally involved, once, but now they are just friends, or even
acquaintances, that use each other for sex. The narrator says this several
times, even harps on it. Probably the other stories in the series would
convince me that it was true if I'd read them. In reading this story by
itself, though, and ignoring the narrator's protestations to the contrary, I
would have guessed that there was at least a deep mutual affection here, and
probably love. While the narrator says several times that there isn't, the
action doesn't convince me. On the other hand, I got the impression that the
author believes what the narrator says (i.e. this wasn't intended as an
unreliable-narrator piece).
But anyway, I'm harping on with critique for the author, rather than review
for the reader, again. Sorry! This is a nice hot MF story, in which the
tension is built up nicely, and the sex described well. Recommended.
Numbers? Probably straight nines, here. I'm really not good at numbers...
"Good Sport" by Phil Phantom (Ole.Joe@poboxes.com). Guest review by Dart.
If you enjoy typical wife watching or wife sharing stories, then I think
you'll enjoy this one.
Innocent, good sport Jerry marries his innocent childhood sweetheart, Pam,
when they're both fresh out of school. He gets a good job with a heating and
cooling company, and they try to fit into the company's social life because
Jake Barnes, the company's owner, believes it's important for his workers to
do so. Of course, all the workers are male and the shop is decorated in a
rather lusty fashion, so that on those occasions when a still quite innocent
Pam brings Jerry his lunch, her face turns crimson and she walks through the
shop as if she had blinders on.
So after his probation period is up, since he's a good worker, Jerry feels
that his job is secure as long as he continues to fit in. It's now the time
for him and Pam to buy a house, and start planing for a family. They do buy a
house and then, as soon as they have committed to a mortgage, Jake suggests
than Jerry host the next Friday evening poker game. Jerry's not too happy
about this. He knows that Pam doesn't approve of gambling. And when Jake also
suggests that Pam is expected to play the sexy hostess at the gathering,
Jerry's really unhappy. Still the mortgage is signed. What choice does he
have? When he tells Pam, she naturally throws a fit. But after stewing for a
few days, she also sees the need for her to be a good company wife.
And as she prepares for her hostess role, innocent Pam transforms herself into
exactly the kind of hostess she thinks every all male poker party desires. And
for this poker party, she's right; she's a big hit with Jerry's boss and seven
other of his coworkers. Such a big hit, that by the end of the party, she's
been offered a permanent job with the company. You'll have to read the story
to discover her official title, but one of her duties will be light typing.
Oh, and after the house was bought, there was still family planning to
consider, the details of which are spelled out in the story.
Very few wife sharing or wife watching stories have plots and characters that
are believable. This story isn't one of those few. Given that constraint, it's
a pretty good story.
Ratings for "Good Sport"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Stripper's Delight" by Unnamed Author {Note from Celeste: This story contains
a message from the author in the disclaimer, but no name or address.} Guest
review by Jubjub (jubjub@flash.net).
Plot: Rich man has a date with a stripper he meets at a club.
This story is straight sex and very vanilla. Now before I start hearing from
y'all about how straight sex is NOT boring, let me be the first to agree.
Vanilla can be very intense. But not always. And not this story. It could
have used a severe editing.
The problem was not the spelling, though there were some minor mistakes. The
problem was not the punctuation, though there was a problem with comma
placement. The problem was the grammatical structure of the author's
sentences. While they were grammatically correct, they were too long winded.
It completely killed the rhythm and pacing. The occasional short sentences
were mainly asides and were badly placed. In fact, the style seemed
reminiscent of a hack reporter.
This problem affected the characterization. Even though the story remained
focused on the two central characters (something that most erotic writers have
no problem with, anyway), it spent too many words on describing physical
action instead of portraying the characters' reactions. This, in fact, is
what made this story feel like the work of a hack reporter. This is not to
say that characterization was ignored, but it dwelled too much on the
character's history and physical movement. This is sufficient (though hardly
great) if the writer were describing BDSM. But if the author is trying to
convey hot straight sex, fewer hackneyed phrases and descriptions would have
helped. The reason I rated the characterization as high as I did was because
the author did keep the characterization cohesive and consistent. That counts
for a lot. Unfortunately, it does not make up for deficits in other areas.
In the end, the story simply did not appeal much to me. The dialogue was
interesting but did little to advance the plot or characters. You did not
sense the individual voices. The descriptions were rather overblown. A
severe editing would mandate that many of the adjectives be cut. This was a
story that had potential--I most certainly felt it throughout. But this
potential never developed. I felt stirrings, but it never came to fruition.
Ratings breakdown:
Technical: 6.7
Characters: 9.0
Appeal: 4.7
"Candid Camera" by Teddy Bear (storiesman@aol.com). Guest review by David
Rills.
This story chronicles a common fantasy which has been used many times as the
basis for a story, A photographer screws his sexy model. The narrator,
reluctantly taking a mundane job in a photo store hits upon the idea of
setting up a studio in a vacant back room. Soon, a beautiful, shy, and
aspiring model appears for pictures.
While there is nothing new about the story line, it is well written and the
idea of oiling up the nude girl to make her look better for the photo shoot
really turns me on.
Ratings for "Candid Camera"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
David (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Bora Bora" by Andres (Me@somewhere.why). Guest review by Piper.
What is Bora Bora? From what I can gather, it's either an island somewhere in
the Mediterranean, or it's the name of a Club Med resort on an island
somewhere in the Mediterranean. Now for you two or three people who don't
know what Club Med is, it's a consortium of small resort towns spread
throughout the Mediterranean area who got together years ago, set some minimum
standards for service, accommodation, pricing, security and crowding, and
started advertising themselves as an alternative to the few big, overcrowded,
overpriced vacation destinations that existed at the time. They've been
wildly successful, and now have many imitators all around the world.
What's the attraction? Sun, surf, sand, exotic locales, even more exotic
cuisine, lowered inhibitions, raised libidos, beautiful babes, handsome hunks,
clothing-optional beaches, and lots of fantasies come true. It also helps
being a half a world away from all the normal cares of life. Andrew, our
hero, is looking for all of the above (except the hunks of course). He finds
most of them in the form and person of Andrea, a drop-dead gorgeous flight
attendant, who just happens to be taking a few days off and spending them in
Bora Bora. What a coincidence!
They spend a day or two getting to know each other, while Andrea teases Andrew
unmercifully. She _loves_ teasing. Andrew isn't really sure if she is ever
going to relieve his aching nuts of their burden of joy juice, but he goes
along with what she wants anyway. She is, after all, more beautiful than any
woman he has ever seen before in the flesh, and she displays a lot of flesh,
what with removing her bikini top, and wearing nothing more than a thong
bottom. Andrew almost creams his shorts when he gets to smear sun tan lotion
all over that luscious body. (Andrew and Andrea - might I hazard that the
author, Andres, might be following a pattern? Maybe?)
Does he ever actually get his rocks off, or is this story all tease and no
action? Are you kidding? This is a guy fantasy! Of course he does! It's
just a question of where, when, and how hard.
I liked the fantasy, although I found the locale a little too unreal. A
90-acre resort with three swimming pools and a private beach, and only 35
units for rent, total? With three restaurants? Really? (I have no idea if
this is an actual place or not, but I haven't yet found a resort this nice.)
Still, the teasing was a lot of fun. Personally, I wouldn't have bet the same
stakes Andrew did, even for Andrea. I prefer preset limits to funtime
activities. That's my cautious nature showing through. "Anything goes" is
simply too dangerous with a stranger.
There are some problems with the story. POV frequently changes from past to
present to past again, and most of the usual typos and misused words can be
found somewhere in the story. Punctuation is also rather unusual in places.
Still, it's quite readable despite these flaws. One thing to be aware of, is
that there is a lot of story, a lot of prose, and a lot of foreplay in this
tale.
This is another long (160k) story.
Ratings for "Bora Bora"
Technical merit 8
Plot and character 9.5
Appeal to reviewer 9
"Behind The Barn" by Unknown Author. Guest review by Tooshoes.
Discontented with life in the big city, a young couple decides to give rural
life a try. Ah, the wide open spaces! The harmony with nature! The sound of
roosters in the morning! The isolation!
But for a young couple, isolation shouldn't be too much of a problem. After
all, they have each other, and enough privacy to have sex wherever and
whenever they want. And if they get bored with each other, there is always the
hired hands…
The rub is that the wife, Sandra, is repressed, and she can't imagine herself
doing anything but under-the-covers, respectable sex that she could tell her
priest about without blushing. This story leads Sandra on a journey to the
promised land of sexual abandon, and to the bliss of hard, demeaning sex.
I was impressed with the start of this very long story, and I was prepared to
give out my first triple 10 score. The technique was flawless, and the
characters were believable and likable.
But Sandra doesn't seem to grow with each sexual encounter, and she approaches
each new experience with shock -- as though she is a perpetual virgin. She
breaks one taboo after another, but the technique is repetitive. The plot
moves along at a snail's pace in the second half, and the characters stop
acting sensibly.
Still, this is a well above average story overall, and I recommend it, as long
as you aren't turned off by the themes.
Ratings for "Behind The Barn"
Technical merit 9
Plot and character 9
Appeal to reviewer 8
"The 'Forbidden Fruit" by Ian Dodd (iandodd@aol.com.) Guest review by Jake
Stonebender.
The 'Forbidden Fruit' in this story came with a twist, all puns intended...
one of the better allegorical titles I've seen in the newsgroup lately; and,
though I'm hankering to review the new MKS stuff, quite a good story.
Set in a vaguely dark, techno- corner of the world, FF is somewhat reminiscent
of the work of Jay McInerney, particularly _Bright Lights, Big City_. Now
that the author is creaming in his jeans, I'll admit that I didn't, although
this could well have been because I read the story _just_ after finishing
myself off with a couple of stories from MickNasty's female masturbation
stories page... (which has, sadly, apparently gone into hibernation).
The protagonist, Andy, and his "player to be named later"--she wasn't-- meet
in a dance club in which the author does an exceptionally good job of making
us understand that he's not comfortable. (Whether I mean Andy or the author,
there, I'm not sure. :-) I identified with Andy; I hate those places too. He
does get intrigued with some ... um... extra hardware that she's equipped
with... (no, it's not _that_ weird a story...), whereupon she sort of drags
him out of the club by the necktie, and they go to her place for a different
sort of bump and grind.
It's the sequel to that which I found intriguing, myself. Sorta gave me hope.
In any event, while the copy could have used an editing pass, the bobbles
weren't enough to take the sting out of the sex, and the language wasn't
something you'd trip over, either, something some authors have a problem with.
I think this might well be publication quality, maybe in Playboy, although it
_is_ a bit strong for them Penthouse, maybe?
I laughed, I cried, I gave up a part of me. :-)
Athena (technical quality): 9 (on plotting, 8 on copy)
Venus (was the sex good?): 8 (I'm not exactly a piercing fan,
but it won me)
Jake (did I like it?): 8 (not Michael Smith, but not damn bad, either)
* "All We Like Sheep" by MC Woodsmoke. My initial reaction to this story was
perplexity at its title. What in the world does it mean? I concluded that it
was probably a typographical error. The author either meant to say "We Are
All Like Sheep" - or maybe it was the more bestial "We All Like Sheep."
Actually, the title is stated exactly as the author intended it. You'll have
to read the story to find out what it means. Hint: It's part of a longer
phrase that you'll probably recognize.
Anyway, the hero of this story is that ubiquitous denizen of a.s.s.: the
electronics genius who knows how to use technology for mind control. This
particular hero has been smitten by the lovely lady at work who has no time
for sex; she just reads her bible and performs church work with her youth
group. A few weeks with our hero's magic mind control tape takes care of
that. She becomes a hot little sex kitten that does her creator proud - her
new creator, not the old one, who may have preferred her to keep up the work
with the youth group.
Omigod! The youth group! Angie was working with two of the girls from the
youth group while she was listening to the subliminal tape; that means the
kids might have heard it too! He had planned to seduce Angie, but suddenly
Stacy and Kayla seem primed and ready to go. {I'm not sure exactly how state
and federal law deal with the accidental exposure of minors to subliminal
seduction. I guess it would depend on whether one could get the judge and
jury to listen to the tape.}
An odd thing about mind control is that it has the capacity within a few
sessions to make people more enthusiastic devotees of an activity than they
would be had they participated in that activity happily for several years.
For example, I myself have enjoyed cock sucking for over 20 years. In a
sense, my mind has been programmed to enjoy it, much like Angie in this story.
Yet when I am participating in that activity I retain control over my brain
and can do creative things (like chew gum, think, and even stop if the
performance contradicts an important value system) while still maintaining my
enthusiasm for the activity. This is a long way of saying that sometimes mind
control stories become a bit simplistic.
Nevertheless, aside from some grammatical flaws, the present story is highly
creative and well worth reading.
Ratings for "All We Like Sheep"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
- The Night Before Christmas -
Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,
A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jockeys, to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay awhile"
He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several more things I shouldn't even mention.
A fuck ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home, Rudolf. This night's been a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about pussy is you can't wear it out!!"
--
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