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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celeste's Top 15 Stories - April

Celeste's Top 15 Stories - April 1997

Note:  This has been one of those months!  I reviewed so many good stories
that I found it impossible to set a cutoff point at 15 stories.  So this
month the Top 15 List contains 23 stories.  Go figure.

Second Note: Since many readers would like to read the top stories for each
month, I would appreciate it if authors would repost as many of these stories
as possible.  You may wish to repost the stories in
alt.sex.stories.moderated, as well as in alt.sex.stories.  If you wish, you
can label them as Celeste's #x for April: Name of Story.

Third  Note:  I have had great success finding these stories on the World
Wide Web by using the Deja News Server (www.dejanews.com) and the service at
www.reference.com.  You can even find past issues of my reviews through these
services.

- Celeste

Here's this month's list:

1.  "The O'Stikkit Inn" by Mike Hunt
2.  "June's First" by Mike Hunt
3.  "April's First" by Uther Pendragon
4.  "Mind Snatchers" by Simon bar Sinister
5.  "Maria in Maine" by Mike Hunt
6.  "I Learn to Think, or, Fun with Dick and Brain" by Estragon
7.  "Excluded Middle" by Plainman
8.  "Birthday Present" by OddManOut Anywhere
9.  "Vortrek" by Uther Pendragon
10.  "For Her" by Unknown Author
11.  "A Summer Romance" by Jim Fix
12.  "The Skier" by Mike Hunt
13.  "The Temptation of Heaven's Ring" by Summer's Rose
14.  "Straight Sex" by Mike Hunt
15.  "She's a Tease" by Mike Hunt
16.  "Another Taste of Heaven" by Summer's Rose
17.  "Watching You Watching Me" by Gregarious 
18.  "Camp Nurse" by NightShade
19.  "'F' is for Face" by Dulcinea
20.  "Feet Are Neat" by Mike Hunt
21.  "On The Beach" by Ellen Hayes
22.  "Garden of Contemplation" by Delta
23.  "Amazonia" by Tom Bombadil

Here are the original reviews in alphabetical order:

"Amazonia" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com)  As in a scene from a B movie,
Tom Largent is kidnapped by a shady character, who forces Tom  to fly him to
an island.  After the bad guy parachutes to his apparent demise, Tom himself
is forced to crash land on a desolate island, apparently somewhere in the
general area of Polynesia.  The unique aspect of the island is that it
appears to be occupied solely by women - by women who require Tom to service
them sexually.  Is this an adolescent's wet dream?  Is this paradise?  Well,
at the very least it's an extremely interesting story.  I won't tell you any
more details.  Read it yourself.  This is another good story.

"Another Taste of Heaven" by Summer's Rose (SummersRose@aol.com).  This
author writes like Dulcinea with an anal twist.  I thought I should write
that down before I forgot it.

I'm GLAD this author writes in the second person ("you" narrative format).
 Normally the "you" turns me off, because I have trouble identifying with the
person being undressed - er, addressed.  But these stories are so damned sexy
that I NEED something to keep me distracted - something like a vivid image of
Melba Toast or Rye Krisps or Sister Mary Henry talking about puberty or Al
Gore giving an acceptance speech - or a story in the second person with which
I cannot identify.  The trouble is - I CAN identify with this story.  It
brings back some wonderful memories.  My husband loves it when I do things
like this to him, and I love it when he reciprocates.  

Sexy lips and hands caressing my body while I'm barely awake, stimulation of
my pussy and my ass by lips that are silently telling me that they love me, a
calm throbbing sensation arising from inside my body and gradually spreading
outward while a tongue gently caresses the edges of my asshole and I writhe
in happy agony.... All I can say to this author is this: "I hope you get
what's coming to you!"

"April's First" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  I originally had
trouble finding Part 2 to this story; and I eventually went ahead and posted
my review of parts 1 and 3.  I concluded that there was no Part 2; it was an
April Fool's joke.  Get it?  The title is April's First, and the story was
posted on April 1, so....

Anyway, the real action takes place in Part 2, which didn't exist when I
posted my original review.  The author invited others to submit their
versions of Part 2.  The only author I know of who accepted this invitation
was Plainman, whose "Excluded Middle" did a superb job of integrating
Plainman's own style and his Princess story line into the framework set up by
Pendragon.  Now Pendragon has posted his version of the missing Part 2, and
the result is another really good story.  

The story actually describes two very interesting and healthy relationships
in the life of a 16-year-old girl: her romantic relationship with her
boyfriend and her sibling relationship with her older sister.  Both
relationships are well developed, and both help make this a sexy story.

One of the best things about this story is its attention to minor details.
 For example, when April agrees to make love to Brian for the first time, he
returns to his room that night and fantasizes about the big event.  Suddenly
he realizes that his room is a mess and that he doesn't want April to see it
that way, and so he straightens it up.  The author attends to details like
this in such a way that they contribute to instead of detracting from the
overall focus on the first-time experience between the two young lovers.

The story does contain some awkward grammatical structures; but this author
always revises, and I have a feeling they'll be gone in future postings of
this story.  For example, April "...wanted this waiting to end -- if even in
pain."  Those last four words are awkward; and several instances like this
really do disrupt the reader's train of thought.  Fewer readers will be
distracted (as I was) when Brian's cock peeked discretely at April, but the
distinction between discreet and discrete is worth preserving.  The story is
so good that I (like most other readers) was willing to ignore these minor
flaws, but why not write a perfect story?

Here's a further note with regard to style. Brian "could tell that she was
nervous and that her acceptance was more mental than physical."  Is that
REALLY what the author meant to say?  It seems to me that April's hesitation
is largely mental, which is the opposite of what the sentence says.  I KNOW
what the author means (I think), but when I look closely, the story sometimes
doesn't help me as much as it should.  

My students have learned that it's often a good sign when I give them a paper
back with red ink all over it.  When they look closely, they discover that
the comments are not really about mistakes - they are suggestions for making
the paper perfect.  The students often make the corrections and submit the
paper and win a state competition or something like that.  Applied to this
story, this means that although this story won't get straight 10's right now,
by the time I make my selections for the Top Stories of 1997, this is likely
to be in the Top 10.  The only problem with the story is that in this middle
part the author has focused so heavily on getting the emotions and details
right that he has let the language stand just slightly in the way of
expressing this excellent story as accurately and convincingly as possible.

If you've read none of the April stories, I suggest that you start by reading
the entire current (or the eventually revised) version of Pendragon's
"April's First" - all three parts.  Then mentally obliterate Pendragon's Part
2 from your mind and read Plainman's version.  Remember: details will
diverge, because Plainman did not see Pendragon's Part 2 before he wrote his
version, and the authors take completely different perspectives.

"Birthday Present" by OddManOut Anywhere (oddman0ut@hotmail.com).  Jeff is a
bit upset, because his girlfriend Monica has gone on an anthropological field
trip instead of being with him on his birthday. To reduce his own misery,
Jeff has decided to spend the evening of his birthday on an anthropological
field trip of sorts - that is, he goes to a frat party, where a voluptuous
blonde who is a student of animal husbandry or something hands him a note
that says: "Happy Birthday!  I'm very sorry I wasn't able to be with you
today.  However, I am giving you a present so that you won't miss me too much
this week.  Your present is named Judy, and she is a good friend of mine from
the swim team.  Judy has been instructed to sexually satisfy you in any way
you wish, at any time between today and next Friday.  Upon your command, she
will fuck you, give you blowjobs, and allow you to tie her up or do anything
else to her that crosses your mind.  The only limitations on what you can do
are:

1.  No permanent damage, of course.
2.  No unprotected sex.
3.  No bringing in other people.  This gift is for you alone.  I wouldn't
want to fuck other guys for your birthday, so I don't see why my proxy
should, either.

"Oh, shit!" says Jeff; "I can't do this.  It would be wrong!"  No; actually
Jeff ignores the moral ambiguity of the situation and decides not to look a
gift whore in the mouth.  Oh - and he decides to forgive Monica!

My immediate reaction was: What if this is a hoax?  I mean, how does Jeff
really know that Monica is behind the alleged gift?  What if Swimmer (the
name given to the slave/present) is just an itinerant sex maniac who wants to
give him a week of unmitigated bliss?  In addition, I'm not a lawyer or a
prostitute or anything like that, but isn't there a possibility of a bad
precedent here?  Couldn't a spouse caught in the act simply claim, "Hey!  She
told me she was a present from you!?"

Being a Master can be tough.  For example, what does a Master do when the
slave wants to do the dishes but the master wants a blowjob?  Such conflicts
are common and could result in violations of health codes in parts of
Australia.  Jeff's predicament is further complicated by the fact that
Swimmer is an excellent maid and cook: June Cleaver crossed with Pauline
Reage.  I mean, this lady actually accepts rear entries while she cooks
pancakes in the nude - generating as a by-product a small but delicious
supply of syrup for the pancakes! In addition, while having a sex slave
merely distracts a guy from doing research, it makes listening to a
Statistics lecture damn near impossible!

There could be a TV series in this: "Touched by a Swimmer."  The show could
be completely devoid of both plot and acting ability, except for attractive
but insipid protagonists who mysteriously can do almost anything while they
jiggle their tits and toss their hair from side to side and spectators ogle
their cute little asses.  The show could convey educational tidbits like
those in the story: edible underwear may be a novelty to see, but it is
uncomfortable to wear, and it is awful to the taste.  Thumbs down!  Of
course, the really "good parts" could not be shown on prime time television;
these supplementary materials would have to be accessed via website or
perhaps 900 chat lines.  This idea is so crazy, it just might work!

Sometimes I "disenjoy" stories that include sexual bondage.  I get my back up
and assume that pain and degradation are bad.  But if the context is right -
for example, if after the finale of the gangbang the target's entire body is
coated in a mixture of sweat, cum, chocolate, and whipped cream, showing dark
marks where the participants had poured the hot caramel, her blond hair
matted to her skin and to itself by strings of semen, bruised around the
thighs, butt, and breasts, where six men have pawed her continuously
throughout the evening, and a huge smile on her face - well, then maybe
bondage not so bad after all.

This was a creative, well written story.  I hope to see many more by this
author.

"The Camp Nurse" by NightShade (dguthner@garden.net). Chris Mattson has
become the camp nurse at Camp Rah-Rah-Rah.  This place is an all-girl
cheerleading camp, and the head administrator has stereotypically assumed
that all nurses - at least all nurses named Chris - would be female.
 Actually, Chris is just over six feet tall, 180 lbs., and if he grew a
mustache, he would look like Tom Selleck, only better (because his cock is
4.5 inches longer than Tom's, I suppose)  The other staff members are all
ex-cheerleaders for either a major University or a pro sport team, and there
isn't an ounce of excess weight on any of them. Imagine that.

So Chris the Nurse is confined to a luxury resort with a huge number of horny
teenagers who haven't seen their boyfriends for a month or so and a smaller
number of female staffers who are likewise in heat.  As I understand it, he
winds up servicing about 30 people on an average night.  They just come to
him in the dark, give him head or engage in some other kind of foreplay, and
then ride his ten-incher until he cums.  Thirty times a night. They even line
up outside his door, waiting their turns.  Imagine that.

In the midst of all these orgasms (and many more that I have not told you
about), a dilemma arises.  Chris has been getting especially great sex from
one woman, but since she fucks him in the dark, he doesn't know who she is.
 He asks her to reveal her identity.  When she asks why he needs to know so
badly, he replies thusly: ""Because if you, the most incredible body I have
ever been with, are not who I want you to be, I would hurt you, and I don't
want that. Part of my feelings for you have to do with the things we do here,
understand? So I need you to tell me who you are. And it's not fair. You know
who I am. That way, if you're not my dream girl, at least I can pretend you
are and not hurt you."  I guess that makes sense.  However, the mystery woman
declines thusly: "There are 150 girls and women in this camp. All of them are
horny; some of them are even fucking the trees. If one woman was to claim as
her own the only prick for a hundred miles around, there would be a riot. A
big riot. Very messy. It would be better if, during the time at camp, there
weren't any sticky feelings around screwing up a good program. Can you live
with that?" 

Wow!  Hedonistic perverts certainly can be ethical when they want to be!
 Chris Mattson is almost godlike in his heroic willingness to service the
needs of the poor wretches with whom he has been stranded.  Sexual intimacy
with him almost invariably leads not only to almost continuous orgasms but
also to enhancement of the personality and possibly a reversal in lifestyle
from a state of misery to one of self-confident productivity.  What a guy!
 He'd probably do this work even if he didn't enjoy it.

Alt.sex.stories is an excellent forum for exchange of ideas.  We'll ignore my
personal belief that maybe the best plan for a 14-year-old virgin with an
intact hymen would be simply to grow into a 15-year-old virgin with an intact
hymen. {An idea like that is rarely exchanged in this forum anyway. And even
if it's a good IDEA, it's not a good FANTASY.}  But most stories on this
newsgroup advocate a gradual start; for example, they suggest that a girl
with a beginner's cunt should start with a 15-year-old boy with an ordinary
sized penis.  In this story, on the other hand, Our Hero plunges right in -
literally.  But the girls like it and say, "Thank you, Mr. Mattson."  See
what I mean?  There's room for debate here: should a girl that's just had her
cherry popped by the head nurse with a 10-inch cock really call him "Mr.
Mattson?"  He's just an average guy doing the best he can.

During the process of deflowering 18 virgins on three successive nights,
Chris is told by one girl to stop just before her cherry pops.  Why?  Well,
because her father gives her routine physical checkups, and the old man will
be upset the next time he fondles her pussy if he discovers a broken hymen.
 Chris and the Skipper (the camp administrator) are perplexed that such
exploitive behavior exists.  Chris tells Muffy that he understands, and then
he gently fucks her in the ass.  You know - you just don't find guys like
this in the real world!

Keep in mind that (as the disclaimer says) this is a work of fiction by a
twisted mind.  Also keep in mind that there is no place in the world where
most of this is either legal or possible.  Finally, keep in mind that this is
a very hot and creative story.

"Excluded Middle" by Plainman (phone orgy & first time). Princess needs a hot
cock, and lacking that she wants to have phone sex with her brother and her
sister-in-law.  In that context they decide to supply the missing part to
Uther Pendragon's "April's First," which I reviewed in CR 170.

It's an interesting set-up.  If readers have read "April's First" {if they
haven't, they should find the story and read it}, they will know Brian and
April; and if they've read other Pendragon stories, they'll know something
about that author's overall style and the value system he tends to infuse
into his stories.  In addition, if readers have read other Plainman stories,
they'll know about Princess, Dave, Judy and the others who are mentioned in
the narrative.  What the author (Plainman) does in the present story is mix
information from all these sources together in order to blend together at
least two (and sometimes more) very sexy stories.

I'll give this story two thumbs up!

"'F' is for Face" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com).  The man is musing about
the possible unattractiveness of his face, and his wife playfully lets him
make a deposit all over her own face.  Dulcinea often writes playful,
romantic stories, and this is one of her best.

"Feet Are Neat" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com).  Every job has its perks,
and for the shoe salesman the main perk is the fact that occasionally a sexy
woman comes into the store and flirts with or exposes herself to the
salesman.  I've never thought about it before, but I guess the salesman could
fondle some pretty attractive legs from time to time and probably catch a
glance of some sexy panties - if the customer happens to be wearing any.  In
this story, however, Mike Hunt is kind of naive; the high-schooler enjoys the
spectacle, but he doesn't realize that the customer (a sexy older woman) is
coming on to him.  He gets wise about the time she brings him to climax with
her foot against his crotch.  This is a very good story about exhibitionism
and voyeurism in the ole shoe store.

I just saw a notice in this author's repost of "The O'Stikkit Inn."  Mike
Hunt is going to be on vacation and unavailable for a couple of weeks.  I'm
afraid to say that sentence out loud: my husband might go into a state of
depression.  Anyway, the author and his lewd and lascivious but lithe and
lovely little lady June will be driving through the American Southeast.  If
you're in that area, you might get lucky and spot them - actually, you might
spot them and get lucky.  You can easily recognize them from the descriptions
of Mike Hunt provided in these stories.  

One good way to figure out where they're likely to be is to anticipate the
title of the next story.  For example, if you were driving past a place
called the "O'Stikkit Inn," that would be a major clue, because "O'Stikkit
Inn by Mike Hunt" is a pun that conveys a sexual innuendo, and this author
can't survive without that sort of thing.  You might think that since that
title is already taken the couple will now avoid inns of that name, but
that's not true: " O'Stikkit Inn by Mike Hunt 2" would be another excellent
pun.  Personally, if I were driving past the residence of Seymour Heine, I'd
knock on the door and ask for Mike Hunt.  If the person answering the door
acts confused, just shout the password : "O'Stikkit Inn."  If the person is
nasty, you may consider mooning him while you utter these words; and if you
are a female, it would be appropriate to add the author's name.  Then you'll
get the reception you deserve.

"For Her" by Unknown Author (THC Archives).  This was reposted as "Looker 1"
by the THC Archives.  It's not a full story - just a brief interlude about
two people in love, fucking each other's brains out.  It's extremely hot and
well written - kind of like Dulcinea in heat.  If anyone knows anything about
the identity of this author, I would certainly like to hear from you.
 There's also a "Looker 2 (Night Breezes )" and "Looker 3 (Role Reversal),"
which I plan to review soon.

"Garden of Contemplation" by Delta (delta@bc.sympatico.ca).  The narrator has
raped a young woman.  Instead of keeping the event secret or going to the
Law, she turns him over to the Society.  He is given a short trial and is
sentenced to 90 minutes of mandatory Contemplation.  That's all - except that
if he fails to meet certain conditions or if he makes certain requests
additional consequences will follow.  Of course, since Contemplation takes
place in an open, public area and in a kneeling position, some support is
necessary; and all that is available is a set of electronically charged ball
bearings that support the buttocks through the anal aperture.  You can well
imagine....

There have been many stories on a.s.s. that have attempted to give intense
portrayals of rape.  Some of those stories have been vivid and realistic.  I
have counseled people who have been raped, and I do NOT believe that rape is
fun.  However, I understand that it can be pleasurable (and perhaps even
harmless) for a man to fantasize about raping a woman or for a woman to
fantasize about the "pleasures" that could occur during the act of rape.  

The present story takes a different approach. The portrayal of the initial
rape is realistic, but not vivid or erotic.  The retribution is both
realistic and vivid, but not erotic - at least I HOPE you don't get turned on
by this sort of activity.

It's difficult to tell you more without ruining the story for you.  I
strongly recommend this story - but not when you are looking for a turn-on.
 Use it as part of your Contemplation time.

"I Learn to Think, or, Fun with Dick and Brain" by Estragon (rgt@well.com).
 I nearly died laughing while I read this story.  I have never been an
adolescent boy, but this HAS to be how they think when they encounter the
first intelligent and attractive female who has authority over them.  The
story is written in the format of a journal for a philosophy class - a class
that discusses how people think.  Sounds boring; but it's not.  The author
comes up with some bizarre insights that are so crazy that they simply MUST
be true.

As I read the story I could see the philosophy course syllabus unfolding in
front of me.  For example, the most likely reason a student would compare his
thinking about the TA to lumpy shadows on the wall of a cave would be because
he had just encountered that topic {Platonic images, not TA's} in the course
syllabus.

One interesting thought that is NOT explored in the story is the fact that
since the journal is written FOR Ms Altman, then she'll obviously have to
read what the writer has written; and it's fun to speculate about what her
reaction will be.

Incidentally, my favorite philosophical cartoon may be apropos here.  It
shows a philosophy professor writing on the chalk board, "I think, therefore
I am."  The student in the back row leans over and whispers to the scholar
next to him, "Oh, no!  We don't even exist!"  Think about that one, Ms
Altman!  Then there's the graffiti from the library restroom: "Coito, ergo
suk."  The general concept is probably true, but it's bad Latin.

"June's First" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). June is the name of Mike
Hunt's wife.  Mike Hunt is an anatomical pun, but in this story we'll focus
on him as the narrator, who tells the story through the eyes of his wife, who
wear's pajamas, which is something I haven't done in over ten years except
when I'm staying at my in-laws' house - and sometimes on sleepovers with
teenagers.

Anyway, Mike Hunt is telling this story about June's first time having sex
(hence, the eponymous title).  It was with a person named Riley O'Reilly, and
it wasn't until halfway through the story I discovered that Riley is a girl.
 Imagine my consternation.  On the other hand, Mike Hunt, who was writing the
story, didn't find this out until that same moment, so imagine Mike Hunt's
dismay!  And confusion!  And June was giving Mike Hunt a blowjob under the
table while she was dictating the story to him.  Mike Hunt was getting a
little bit testy.  There's a pun in that previous sentence, but I'm not sure
the author knew or cared.

To summarize: June (in the story within the story) is grabbing Riley's tit.
Riley (also in the story within the story) is fingering June's cunt. June (in
the story) is blowing Mike Hunt under the table, while Mike Hunt is writing
this story. My cunt is getting a pleasant feeling (while I am reading this
story), but I am laughing My Ass off.  My Husband is looking at me as he
walks through the room.  He's used to this.  He'll get his later.

"Gmmft. Plivvm. Gravnntfz."  Somebody is about to come.  I'm not sure who.
 It could be any one of three or four people - maybe all of us. You'll have
to read the story yourself.  It's delightful - one of the most enjoyable
tidbits to come from Mike Hunt in quite a while.

P.S.  The story also includes Mike Hunt's FAQ.

"Maria in Maine" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). When he and his wife
started on a nice trip, the only thing he did NOT want to do was drive 7
hours out of his way to let his wife visit her old college roommate Maria in
upstate Maine. Why's that?  Well, in some old pictures he had seen Maria was
about 40 pounds overweight, had bad hair, and didn't shave her underarms.
Still, June had roomed with Maria for two years at Penn State, and they got
along super. And besides, June did give great head under the table (among
other places - see earlier reviews) and so a side trip to Maine was in order.

Well, time has been good to Maria.  As the evening wanes, however, Maria
feels bad. She and June have been reminiscing and telling sorority stories
and Mike Hunt has been totally bored. What can they do to include him?  What,
indeed!  Surprise! They talk about everything from politics to religion to
movies to Mike's own college days.

Much later June mentions how they always used to talk about how they slept
with the same guys.  Just not at the same time.  Until now.  

The threeway develops really nicely.  They don't just jump into bed together
- well, they do, but.... You had better read the story yourself.  It's a good
one!

"Mind Snatchers" by Simon bar Sinister (simon@mcstories.com).  Using mind
control strategies, two oversexed but underdeveloped rogue aliens
(Mandrarians, to be precise) take Sarah captive, much to the chagrin of her
boyfriend, Roy.  Fortunately, Roy himself is rescued by Dima, a beautiful
woman with a Doctor Who British accent who has dedicated her life to freeing
the known universe from Mandrarian control.  Roy joins Dima in her crusade,
but while rescuing the women at an aerobics class from the aliens, he
accidentally turns one of the women (Laura) into his sex slave by giving her
the best orgasm of her life with a single touch of his hand.  From this
point, Laura's only goal in life is to be blindly obedient and to satisfy the
needs of her Master. Bummer!

This may all sound a little far-fetched, but I saw what I assume was a
documentary recently on late night cable television.  It was about a sexy
woman, whose name happened to be Jeanie, who lived in a bottle and responded
to the whims of a person whom she perceived to be her Master and who happened
to be a 60's-era astronaut living in Cocoa Beach, Florida.  However, that
Master was a little less creative than this one in his demands.

Roy soon finds himself on the horns of a dilemma: he has to either give into
his carnal desires and let the horny Laura have her way with him or he can
save the universe.  I wasn't sure why this dichotomy existed; I thought Roy
should simply save the universe with his faithful sidekick Laura. Roy
eventually comes to the same conclusion, as he and Laura team up with Dima
against the Mandrarians.

Here's the line that lets us know for sure that this is science fiction:
""Paddi, I know that I'm just an engineer while you're a teacher. You play a
much more important role in society and you make a whole lot more money than
I do."

This is a good story: fanciful but hot sex and good humor.  

"The O'Stikkit Inn" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com).  I'll bet you wouldn't
notice this on your own; so I'll tell you.  If you read the title " O'Stikkit
Inn" by Mike Hunt out loud, it could be mistaken for an imperative sentence
giving directions during foreplay.  Imagine that.

This is a VERY hot story.  As an example of sex in the swimming pool, it
rivals "Slippery When Wet" by SueNH.  As I said in my review of Sue's story,
I can't do it justice by trying to summarize it - It's about a man and a
woman who meet a guy in the bar and then get into the hotel's swimming pool
after closing time.  Read the story for the rest.  As I said, it's really hot
stuff.

"On The Beach" by Ellen Hayes (nobody@REPLAY.COM). Andrea is a teenager who
has become stressed out because she has discovered that she feels a deep and
mutual physical attraction for her close friend Darlene.  She doesn't want to
be a lesbian!  Can't they just love each other and not be lesbians.  Well,
yes, I certainly think so; but I've had this argument too many times to
repeat it again.  This is another excellent story.  As the author adds in a
postscript, "You can separate sex from teenage angst, but you can't separate
angst from teenage sex."

"She's a Tease" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com).  The neighbor has bought a
new dress for a dinner party, and she wants to try it on for Mike Hunt to see
if it is inappropriately sexy.  Sure - Mike Hunt is always willing to help a
lady in dis-dress.

"Wow!"  Mike Hunt often resorts to palindromes when aroused.  "Wow!"  To be
sure that she won't come across as too flirtatious with the boss, she has
Mike Hunt check from several angles.  In my mind I suggested that maybe she
should try it without underpants.  Not a bad idea - for starters.  

Mike Hunt also helps her with her conversational skills, like the proper
times to say, "Would you like something to nibble on?" - which could be taken
the wrong way if the potential recipient of the d'oeuvres were staring down a
braless cleavage where the tits were becoming a little bit hardened because
of the flirtatious attitude displayed by the owner of the cleavage. Ahem.
 Hello?  Can I have your attention please?  It would probably be better to
simply say something like, "Grab 'em while they're hot!"

In my college speech class we learned about a technique called preterition.
 This means that the speaker tells her listeners something by telling them
that she's not going to tell them what she wants to tell them.  A simple
example is, "... and I won't even mention the fact that my pussy is soaking
wet right now!"  This story exemplifies that technique, but we'll call it
flirterition - the woman flirts by practicing not flirting. "Grab 'em while
they're hot!"

"The Skier" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com).  It's probably a coincidence,
but have you noticed that if you say this author's name quickly ten times, it
sounds like you're discussing a part of the female anatomy?  This author
claims to have a colleague named Mike Lit.  Imagine that!

This story has an unusual plot.  A bunch of college guys go to a ski lodge
with hopes of getting drunk and maybe getting laid.  Well. on the first day
there Mike Hunt gets laid - UP, that is: two broken arms, one multiple, one a
mild fracture; a cracked collarbone, plus a fractured leg and multiple cuts
and contusions, abrasions, and possible internal injuries.  Bummer!  But all
is not lost.  There is a nurse named Carole Anne; and Mike Hunt needs a bath.
As the washcloth scurries about, up and down, in and out, Mike Hunt becomes
horny.  Actually, Mike Hunt becomes aroused.  But then, contrary to
everything written in this newsgroup, the nurse whacks his dig sharply.  She
says this is something they learned in nursing school.  He tells her to go to
hell.  This is an inauspicious beginning.  Mike Hunt is going to be lonely.

I don't want to go into all the details, but Nurse Carole Anne makes up for
her unkind incursion.  Being in traction may not be all fun and games, but
there are some advantages!  The author concludes with an assertion that "
MIKE HUNT has more stories than you can, uh, shake a stick at."  I hope to
see more of them.  This was very hot stuff!

"Straight Sex" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). Have you ever been faced
with the problem of deciding who does what to whom or who goes first during a
sexual escapade?  This story offers a creative strategy for making those
decisions.  It's called "Cocks and Cunts," and it can help decide who gets on
top, or who eats whom first, or things like that. One person calls, "One -
two - three, FUCK!" Both throw their hands out in front of themselves. A hand
with the middle finger extended in the universally understood sign of "fuck
you" stands for a cock. A middle finger and thumb joined in a circle. is a
cunt.  If you get one of each, that's a perfect fuck, and the caller wins.
 If you get two of a kind, the non-caller wins.  As in American football, the
winner gets to decide such things as who will receive in the first half.  In
other words, this serves the same purpose as a coin toss, but sometimes naked
people don't have coins to toss.

What's interesting about this story is that its title, "Straight Sex," really
does describe the story accurately, but the story includes gang sex, anal
sex, teen sex, and multiple overlays of simultaneous sexual acts.  Imagine
that. The author uses the story within a story within a story approach. That
is, the narrator is telling about his wife who is making love to him while
she is also telling about the first time she had sex with a guy who showed
her movies about people having sex.  Actually, I think I omitted one more
within-a-story in that previous sentence.  Anyway, this technique is called
nesting.  Try it sometime; you'll like it!  

Back to the story - the guy who's watching the film with June has a cock
that's about as big as the one on the boss who's reaming his secretary in the
movie, and the narrator who is listening to his wife has one that's even
better if not actually bigger, and he's gradually shifting from stimulating
her clit with it to inserting it for a night deposit.  This is really getting
confusing: since I'm telling you this story, we're now into a fourth level of
nesting.  Under normal circumstances I would have had several orgasms by now.
 This would be even more complex if I told you what I was doing or planning
to do and you undertook an activity of your own while someone was nuzzling
between your legs while you tried to make sense of this review and/or of this
story.

Now imagine this:  June is watching Justin while she's giving him head and
thinking about Tim (probably fifteen years ago), while Tim is receiving head
and watching June and the boss fucking the secretary on the television
screen.  Meanwhile (at the time the story is being written, theoretically
about 48 hours before I started writing this review), Mike is spooned up
against June's backside and has been doing interesting things to her and has
just nudged his cock into her vagina, while he has been listening to this
story.  June, of course, has been telling this story, while receiving the
amorous advances of her adventurous admirer.  Meanwhile (at the time I am
writing this review), I am reading about all these activities and trying to
report them to you as objectively as possible while I'm imagining how my
husband and I did something similar to Justin and June about 20 years ago and
similar to Mike and June last Tuesday, a week ago Thursday, and on several
other occasions; and I'm getting some good ideas for what might happen later
this evening.  Finally, YOU read this story, and you learn about Justin and
June 15 years ago, the boss and the secretary on television, Mike and June at
the time Mike wrote the story, and me and my husband 20 years ago, a week
ago, ten days ago, and later this evening.  I don't know how you can stand
this without cumming in your pants or taking a break to jerk off!

To make it even worse, theses are all stories, and so you don't know what's
real and what's not real.  But according to Plato, ideas are more real than
what is real anyway, and so this is one of the most really real stories - or
at least really real review of a story - you have ever experienced.  Really!
 Everything else is like a shadow on the wall of a cave.  If you don't
understand this, please refer to "I Learn to Think" by Estragon, which was
reviewed earlier in the previous issue of Celestial Reviews (CR 175).

Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the effort.

Anyway, her cunt was as wet as a car wash sponge on Sunday,  I have no idea
to whom that sentence refers.  It could be any of about five people.  Or all
of them. Then Mike tells June HIS story.  

"A Summer Romance" by Jim Fix (jimfix@earthlink.net).  This was actually
posted as two separate stories: "A Summer Romance Part 1" and "Summer Romance
Revisited."  I shall review these as a single story, and I advise you to read
both parts together.

Paul (a bright student going into his sophomore year in high school) and his
Mom have been living together since her messy divorce from his Dad two years
ago.  Paul and his mother have always showed mutual affection, but during a
stay at some relatives' mountain cabin they realize that their attraction has
a physical and sexual component.  With his mature consent, Mom decides to
treat Paul as a lover, and their life together becomes happier.  They each
contribute to the other's intellectual and personal growth, as well as to
each other's sexual happiness.

The second half of the story moves more rapidly than the first half.  Life
changes; Paul goes to college; Mom gets a new job; their love affair comes to
an end; Mom remarries; and Paul falls in love.  This is a very good story.

I think society's general taboo against incest is reasonable; that is, it
makes sense to have an initial reaction that incestuous relations should be
avoided.  In general, incestuous relationships are likely to be coercive and
exploitive, even though the participants may be unaware that something bad is
happening.  Nevertheless, it also makes sense to consider the possibility
that such relationships could be productive and growth-producing.  This
author has gone to great lengths to build a good story around a set of
circumstances in which a mother/son sexual relationship is not only harmless
but also beautiful.

You can skip the rest of this review if moral reasoning doesn't interest you,
but I am going to discuss morality for a few paragraphs.  Religions generally
condemn incest, and I (Celeste) am an active participant in the Catholic
religion, whose leaders condemn incest.  How do I reconcile these views?  Why
don't I either condemn incest or stop being a Catholic Christian?

The answer lies in proportionalist moral reasoning, which says that when
there is a conflict between moral outcomes or goals, decisions must be based
on proportionate consequences.  An action that might objectively be
undesirable (immoral) is permitted only if it leads to benefits (called
values) that outweigh its ill effects (called disvalues).  The Catholic
Church and other religions have used this kind of reasoning for centuries
(for example, with regard to the "just war theory") but the Church leaders
are not exactly progressive with regard to sexual morality.

The main alternative to proportionalist reasoning in the Christian religions
is natural law reasoning.  Here's the difference.  Assume that there is a
soldier who has his army's secret plans in a pouch attached to his belt.
 When he is in danger of being caught, is it morally permissible for the
soldier to ignite an explosive that will destroy the plans but also kill
himself?  Moral reasoning based on the natural law says yes - because the
soldier would be destroying the plans directly and himself only indirectly.
 In other words, this is not really suicide.  Proportionalist reasoning would
also say yes - but because the value of saving the entire army outweighs the
disvalue of the soldier killing himself. In other words, this is suicide, but
it's justified.

Changing the situation slightly, what if the soldier had memorized the plans
instead of having them in a pouch?  Can the soldier kill himself if he
suspects that his captors will get the secrets from him?  Natural law
reasoning would say no - because he would be killing himself directly and
destroying the secrets only indirectly.  This would be suicide, and nothing
can justify suicide.  Proportionalist reasoning would still say yes - again
because the value of saving the entire army outweighs the disvalue of the
soldier killing himself.  Again, this is suicide, but it's justified.  My
opinion is that the natural law conclusion is just plain goofy.

This proportionalist reasoning is not all that complicated, and it makes
perfect sense.  Common sense tells me that it would be unfortunate for the
soldier to be put in either situation, but I don't think he would be
"sinning" in either case if he took his life to save his army.  On the other
hand, the soldier should consider other factors - such as how well he can
withstand torture, the likelihood that the enemy will get the information
from someone else, the actual value of the information, etc.  All this
information would enter into the soldier's moral reasoning to determine
whether there is a proportional reason for taking his own life in either
case.

Applied to an issue like incest, proportionalism means that we should weigh
the possible values to be gained from incest (such as the possibility of a
mutually fulfilling relationship that is a natural extension of an existing
spontaneous relationship and which would release two people's tensions while
getting them ready for other relationships) against the disvalues associated
with that action (such as restricting the child from more age-appropriate
relationships, giving birth to children that are likely to have genetic
defects, and societal retribution).  In most cases in real life, the
disvalues would far outweigh the values; but in this story the values
outweigh the losses.  This reasoning is different from the traditional, more
legalistic approaches, which focuses on whether the action is natural or
unnatural - prohibited by a rule or not prohibited; but this type of
reasoning is neither excessively complex nor illogical.

There is no reason to believe that Jesus would reject proportionalist
reasoning.  There IS reason to believe that in most cases in real life the
disvalues will outweigh the values, and so society's general ban on
incestuous activities makes sense - as long the taboo itself does not
introduce more problems than it solves.  In terms of moral reasoning, what
this story has done has been to create a situation in which the values
demonstrably outweigh the disvalues.

My personal reasoning is also different from that of hedonism, which
essentially says if it feels good and hurts nobody, go ahead and do it.  Both
hedonism and traditional religions offer valid insights into incestuous
behavior; proportionalism offers another angle.

So there!  I hope this discussion makes as much sense to you as it does to
me.  I do NOT believe that it is necessary that every story describe purely
moral behavior, but I do think it is good occasionally to discuss a story in
its moral context.

"The Temptation of Heaven's Ring" by Summer's Rose (SummersRose@aol.com).
 This story presents a good case for anal sex.  It may not be for everybody,
but this story gives a convincing presentation of anal sex as a truly
exciting and romantic activity. I won't risk ruining it by trying to
summarize it.

My one concern is with the lack of lubrication described in this story.  I'm
afraid that someone will read this story and go ahead and try anal sex and
find the experience to be painful.  So here's my factual piece of sex
education.  The anus does not self-lubricate for sexual activity, as does the
vagina.  In addition, bathing removes any natural lubricants (oils) that are
likely to be available on the penis and in the anal area.  I can understand
the urge for cleanliness when approaching anal sex, but if you wash the anus
and the cock immediately before entry, it's going to hurt like hell; but
going straight from the shower to anal sex is likely to hurt. The solution is
to use copious amounts of KY lubricant or saliva (Vaseline is not a good
idea).  Although this story does not rule out lubrication, it doesn't stress
the need for it.  While I'm on the subject of anal sex, I'll add that it's
also a bad idea to go from the ass to the vagina (or vice versa) without
cleansing.  This is because there are different sources of infection in each
area, and a woman is almost certain to get a nasty infection from this
combination of activities.  In addition, although this newsgroup tends to
assume that AIDS does not exist, it is important to note that AIDS is
transmitted by blood-to-blood contact, and minor abrasions are more likely to
occur during anal than during vaginal or oral intercourse; and hence it is
essential to practice safe-sex in real life.

I'm sure you already learned this information in the excellent sex education
classes to which you were exposed in your school days.  I just thought I'd
repeat it here in case you were absent that day.

"Vortrek" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  Bob and Jeanette Brennan
are moving out of their apartment. It was "Bob and Jeanette" who had moved
into this apartment; it is "the Brennans" are moving out.  These two people
are really in love.  Sometimes it's nauseating.  I sometimes feel the urge to
exit one of these Bob and Jeanette stories and read a more wholesome,
realistic rape and torture story.  But then I keep reading, and I am
invariably glad I did.

I have friends who tease me about my own marriage.  They are certain that I
am either simple-minded or lying: nobody can be this happy all the time
sleeping with the same man.  {Actually, some of them are certain that nobody
could be this happy sleeping with ANY VARIETY of men.}  It would get boring,
they say; and sometimes it does.  Some of my friends know what hell is really
like, because they have been married.  What's nice about the Bob and Jeanette
stories is that they are realistically and blissfully happy.  They have their
ordinary lives where they struggle together with mundane problems, but their
genuine love for each other is a source of strength, stability, and
happiness.  At times it gets to where their sex life would HAVE to become
boring; but by God, somehow it gets even better.

I had a friend who was in the perfect marriage.  She got divorced last year.
 I was disillusioned.  This author has a responsibility to keep Bob and
Jeanette together.  They're the main source of stability in the lives of
millions of readers throughout the uncensored world.  Please, please - don't
let them go the way of Bo and Billie or the other people on the soaps.

These people have become my friends.  I was actually excited to hear that
Jeanette has learned French!  Ooops... I don't want to spoil the surprise for
you.  They keep t'aiming and t'adoring as they drive across the country to
their new home in Boston, where Bob will continue his education and Jeanette
will get a job to continue to make that education possible.

The story is a really outstanding blend of current events and past memories;
and the memories themselves are a wonderful blend of things I myself know
(from previous stories) and new information from the Early Life and Courtship
of Bob and Jeanette; and those memories are a delightful blend of ideas and
events that overlap with my own life and things completely new to me.  And
the blends are very sexy.

Come to think of it, in some ways Bob is even better than my husband.  For
example, as far as I can see, Bob never farts during really intimate moments.
 I think Bob may also be better with his hands, although my husband still
seems to have the edge with regard to his tongue.

I am reminded of my daughter, who makes a similar comment about her birthday
each and every year - this is the best Bob and Jeanette story ever!

"Watching You Watching Me" by Gregarious (gregarious@poboxes.com).  The woman
moves from Texas to Boston to be with her lover, and she finds the winter to
be a real burden.  Then one day he comes home with tickets to Costa Rica.
 Anything would be better than two more weeks of gray snow, but the delights
of Central America are amplified by the presence of another couple.  First
the woman shows off her amorous abilities on the plane in the presence of the
other couple.  Then she discovers that they are in the same resort, and she
spies on them while they make love.  All this leads to hot sex with her own
lover.  It's very sexy stuff!


{End}

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