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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 175 - April 19
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 176 - April 26, 1997
First Time Mania: We haveseveral good stories this week about first time
experiences. Just think back to those thrilling days of yesteryear and enjoy
them.
Second note: I received the following note from an author: "Thankyou for
giving my storie a good reviewing and giving it the covented 10,10,10 because
I all ways wanted to be a grate arther and now I feels like I are one."
Third note: Somebody recently pointed out that my reviews belong on
a.s.s.d., rather than on a.s.s. I didn't see the message until someone else
called it to my attention, because the person who made the suggestion had
posted it on a.s.s.d., which is where discussion logically belongs. I read
a.s.s.d. at least twice a week, but since maybe someone was leaving messages
for me, I decided to examine it more closely.
Here's what I found. Right there between "Real teens!" and "Want it HARD?
Want it WILD? Try it the Dutch way..." was an article entitled "Reviewing
Celeste." Between "You can Have mE tonight for $1500" and "Steve Young Loves
Dominationx" was "Re: Reviewing Celeste." And there between "Get back at
your X - send nude pics" and "nude or lingere pics of your x-girlfriend or
x-wife" was another of the same Celestial title. These postings were
defending me from the unknown assailant, whose post I had missed, probably
lost among similar gems. Perhaps my detractor had posted under the heading
"Nude contortionist," which fell between "1-800-909-5878 Blowjob experts &
hard anal action" and "Horny whory hot asses wet and ready for you now." Or
maybe he was referring to me as the "UNTOUCHABLE PUSSY" - I've been called
that before; as a matter of fact, I understand I used to be cited in exactly
those terms on the wall of a stall in the men's restroom in the library of a
major American university. Or maybe his essay was (inaccurately) illustrated
in "Just 18, blonde, perfect 34 b's...see them?" Or perhaps he stated that I
was full of shit with a Seussian allusion in "The scat in the hat."
Indeed, 'twas a veritable renaissance of DISCUSSION on alt.sex.stories.d.,
which is normally devoted to more esoteric matters. Can you believe it? Of
the 314 entries I found on a.s.s.d. that day, the three that were about me
were the only ones that actually DISCUSSED alt.sex.stories! Actually, since
I use AOL, that 314 has a margin of error of plus or minus 300, and it's
possible AOL accidentally deleted all the more appropriate messages. I think
for my next contest I'll ask people to write stories about a person with a
name like Steve Case who runs a major Internet service and screws people
literally as well as metaphorically.
I eventually went to Dejanews and entered "alt.sex.stories.d Celeste", and I
found the article from which my defenders were protecting me. Actually, it
was a thoughtful, well-written message that stated that my reviews were
actually critiques. The author felt that I should just review stories and
not give my own thoughts and opinions. He felt I let my biases show, and he
suggested that in my reviews I be more careful about getting off the track.
That's a reasonable point, I guess; but my reviews would get awful boring if
I did nothing but write summaries of stories. In fact, that sounds like
work; and I'm pretty sure I would get so bored that I would lose interest and
stop doing it. Since a very large number of people enjoy these reviews the
way I write them and since the people who don't like them have a simple way
to solve their problem, I suppose I'll keep on infusing my personality into
my reviews.
I do object to the accusation that I am less than objective. I think I go
out of my way to be fair. I DO sometimes give high ratings to stories that
depict sexual activities that I find to be unpleasant, unethical, and even
repulsive - IF I believe the stories are well written. When I state my
personal preferences and beliefs, I try to acknowledge my biases. This
up-front approach has the advantage of making it easy to (1) recognize and
discuss my insights and values if anyone wants to do so and (2) ignore my
opinions if one finds them oppressive.
Sex slavery offers an example of an area in which I am accused of bias.
Saying that I am biased is an oversimplification. I personally think that
most people in real life are exhibiting personality dysfunctions if they turn
their personalities over to someone else and accept degradation from that
"master." In a recent review I said that I did not see the difference
between this kind of behavior and that of the people who joined the suicide
cult in San Diego. What I clearly meant by this criticism was that if there
IS a difference, the authors of stories about sex slavery should write their
stories in such a way that I can understand this difference. I think this is
an intelligent comment - not a bias; and I think such comments belong in good
reviews.
Actually, I have given straight 10's to eight stories that know of that
involve sex slavery: "Recommendation," "Storm," and "Society" by Deirdre,
"Chosen" and "Deck" by Tom Bombadil, "Tonya Harding, Slave-Girl" by Your
Friendly Author, "Birthday Present" by OddManOut, and "Box Office" by
CobaltJade. I admit that I give many more straight 10's to romantic stories
- partly because I read more stories of that type and because the authors
have an easy job making me enjoy them - but also partly, I think, because the
authors of romantic stories tend to build a better rationale to support the
perception that their stories are realistic. However, if you think I am
swayed by a Pollyanna outlook on life, you can easily take that factor into
consideration when reading my reviews.
Is it difficult to get a good rating from me for a sex slavery, bdsm, or rape
story? Yes, it is. But that's not necessarily because I'm biased; it may be
because the authors of those stories often write about a form of sex abuse
that they unrealistically choose to label as attractive to normal people.
The degree to which a story comes across as realistic is obviously a
relevant factor in evaluating its quality. I often point out that a story
about sex slavery, bdsm, or rape might be more enjoyable to people who are
already convinced that these are pleasant activities and who simply want to
see the rituals repeated in a new setting. I think that's a fair way to deal
with these stories, and I try to apply similar standards with other stories
that come across to me as unrealistic because the behavior depicted in them
would almost certainly be destructive to the people involved.
Fourth Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my stories for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Straight Sex" by Mike Hunt (multiple levels of sex) 10, 10, 10
"I Don't Think That I Have Any Imagination Left" by C. Herridge
(creative storytelling) 10, 10, 10
"Have you ever committed incest? #22" by Rank Amateur
(incest) 2, 2, 2
"When The Angel Smiles" by Hawk Richards (nostalgic sex) 7, 6, 8
"April's First" by Uther Pendragon (sexy memories & romance)
10, 10, 10
* "Moving Day" by Dulcinea (work break) 10, 8, 8
* "Foreplay" by Uther Pendragon (romance & playful sex)
10, 10, 10
* "Forthright" by Uther Pendragon (romance & playful sex)
10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"Straight Sex" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). Have you ever been faced
with the problem of deciding who does what to whom or who goes first during a
sexual escapade? This story offers a creative strategy for making those
decisions. It's called "Cocks and Cunts," and it can help decide who gets on
top, or who eats whom first, or things like that. One person calls, "One -
two - three, FUCK!" Both throw their hands out in front of themselves. A hand
with the middle finger extended in the universally understood sign of "fuck
you" stands for a cock. A middle finger and thumb joined in a circle. is a
cunt. If you get one of each, that's a perfect fuck, and the caller wins.
If you get two of a kind, the non-caller wins. As in American football, the
winner gets to decide such things as who will receive in the first half. In
other words, this serves the same purpose as a coin toss, but sometimes naked
people don't have coins to toss.
What's interesting about this story is that its title, "Straight Sex," really
does describe the story accurately, but the story includes gang sex, anal
sex, teen sex, and multiple overlays of simultaneous sexual acts. Imagine
that. The author uses the story within a story within a story approach. That
is, the narrator is telling about his wife who is making love to him while
she is also telling about the first time she had sex with a guy who showed
her movies about people having sex. Actually, I think I omitted one more
within-a-story in that previous sentence. Anyway, this technique is called
nesting. Try it sometime; you'll like it!
Back to the story - the guy who's watching the film with June has a cock
that's about as big as the one on the boss who's reaming his secretary in the
movie, and the narrator who is listening to his wife has one that's even
better if not actually bigger, and he's gradually shifting from stimulating
her clit with it to inserting it for a night deposit. This is really getting
confusing: since I'm telling you this story, we're now into a fourth level of
nesting. Under normal circumstances I would have had several orgasms by now.
This would be even more complex if I told you what I was doing or planning
to do and you undertook an activity of your own while someone was nuzzling
between your legs while you tried to make sense of this review and/or of this
story.
Now imagine this: June is watching Justin while she's giving him head and
thinking about Tim (probably fifteen years ago), while Tim is receiving head
and watching June and the boss fucking the secretary on the television
screen. Meanwhile (at the time the story is being written, theoretically
about 48 hours before I started writing this review), Mike is spooned up
against June's backside and has been doing interesting things to her and has
just nudged his cock into her vagina, while he has been listening to this
story. June, of course, has been telling this story, while receiving the
amorous advances of her adventurous admirer. Meanwhile (at the time I am
writing this review), I am reading about all these activities and trying to
report them to you as objectively as possible while I'm imagining how my
husband and I did something similar to Justin and June about 20 years ago and
similar to Mike and June last Tuesday, a week ago Thursday, and on several
other occasions; and I'm getting some good ideas for what might happen later
this evening. Finally, YOU read this story, and you learn about Justin and
June 15 years ago, the boss and the secretary on television, Mike and June at
the time Mike wrote the story, and me and my husband 20 years ago, a week
ago, ten days ago, and later this evening. I don't know how you can stand
this without cumming in your pants or taking a break to jerk off!
To make it even worse, theses are all stories, and so you don't know what's
real and what's not real. But according to Plato, ideas are more real than
what is real anyway, and so this is one of the most really real stories - or
at least really real review of a story - you have ever experienced. Really!
Everything else is like a shadow on the wall of a cave. If you don't
understand this, please refer to "I Learn to Think" by Estragon, which was
reviewed earlier in the previous issue of Celestial Reviews (CR 175).
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the effort.
Anyway, her cunt was as wet as a car wash sponge on Sunday, I have no idea
to whom that sentence refers. It could be any of about five people. Or all
of them. Then Mike tells June HIS story.
Ratings "Straight Sex"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"I Don't Think That I Have Any Imagination Left" by C. Herridge (A+ Story).
Although it doesn't include much actual, graphic sex, this is a highly
creative story. It's about a one-act, two-actor play about a woman who is
writing a short story. While she writes, an Image appears to act out the
amorous activities that she imagines will be in her story; and as her plans
for the story change, the Image frantically scrambles to catch up with her
thoughts.
It's hard to describe. Take a look at this story yourself. It's a good one.
Ratings "I Don't Think That I Have Any Imagination Left"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Have you ever committed incest? #22" by Rank Amateur (rankamatr@aol.com).
This story purports to be an issue of The Thoroughly Disreputable Incest
Digest. I don't know whether its entries were actually submitted by lots of
different people or whether any of this stuff is as true as it professes to
be; but I figure if a guy publicly endorses incest, why would we doubt his
word about anything else?
Which reminds me: One day this girl asked her father, "Dad, can I go out to a
party tonight?" Dad replied, "Only if you suck my dick first." The daughter
answered, "But Dad, I'm your daughter!" Dad said, "Sorry; suck or you
can't go out." So the daughter said, "OK, I really want to go; so I'll
pretend you're my boyfriend." She started to suck and then spat out in
disgust and said, "Daddy, it tastes like shit!" Dad replied, "Oh! That's
because your brother wanted the car earlier!"
Anyway, the first entry is from Neville, the eldest of 11 children whose mum
"had {been} with a variety of diffient men." As you may have suspected, my
spellcheck balked at "diffient." It suggested "diffident," which seemed to
make sense. Neville is not very literate; in fact, I think he's British,
because he wanks off, has sex with his mum, and has a penis that is out of
proportion to the rest of his body.
So we have three "stories" from Neville, all of them illiterate and offering
nothing beyond the notion that it's really great to live in a family of
really diffident people who like to fuck with one another. I suspect that
the stories are genuinely submissions from readers, because the entries from
Neville are distinctly more illiterate than the message written by Rank
Amateur himself. In his entry, Rank objects to attempts by AOL and others to
censor his "journal." I can't understand why anyone would want to censor
this. My own opinion is that this sort of writing might be one of the most
effective deterrents to the practice of incest. I don't foresee a lot of
kids reading this and wanting to grow up to be just like Neville.
Ratings "Have you ever committed incest?"
Athena (technical quality): 2
Venus (plot & character): 2
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 2
"When The Angel Smiles" by Hawk Richards (redb112@ix.netcom.com). Charlie is
a decrepit old man who seems to be on his way home to die. He meets a young
woman who gives him a hand-job on the plane, and then she stays overnight at
his hotel and makes tender love to him. The next part of the story consists
mostly of flashbacks to Charlie's earlier love life. I suppose the angel in
the title refers to young girls who have appeared to be angelic at various
times like these in Charlie's life. There's some good erotic material here,
but it needs to be more logically integrated. We have two chapters, but I
suspect that the author originally intended to write several more.
The story would benefit from a careful proofreading. It contains numerous
distracting errors that could easily be eliminated (such as inappropriate
change of tenses, an accidental change of the protagonist's name from Charlie
to Sam, and run-on sentences).
Ratings "When The Angel Smiles"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"April's First" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). I originally had
trouble finding Part 2 to this story; and I eventually went ahead and posted
my review of parts 1 and 3. I concluded that there was no Part 2; it was an
April Fool's joke. Get it? The title is April's First, and the story was
posted on April 1, so....
Anyway, the real action takes place in Part 2, which didn't exist when I
posted my original review. The author invited others to submit their
versions of Part 2. The only author I know of who accepted this invitation
was Plainman, whose "Excluded Middle" did a superb job of integrating
Plainman's own style and his Princess story line into the framework set up by
Pendragon. Now Pendragon has posted his version of the missing Part 2, and
the result is another really good story.
The story actually describes two very interesting and healthy relationships
in the life of a 16-year-old girl: her romantic relationship with her
boyfriend and her sibling relationship with her older sister. Both
relationships are well developed, and both help make this a sexy story.
One of the best things about this story is its attention to minor details.
For example, when April agrees to make love to Brian for the first time, he
returns to his room that night and fantasizes about the big event. Suddenly
he realizes that his room is a mess and that he doesn't want April to see it
that way, and so he straightens it up. The author attends to details like
this in such a way that they contribute to instead of detracting from the
overall focus on the first-time experience between the two young lovers.
The story does contain some awkward grammatical structures; but this author
always revises, and I have a feeling they'll be gone in future postings of
this story. For example, April "...wanted this waiting to end -- if even in
pain." Those last four words are awkward; and several instances like this
really do disrupt the reader's train of thought. Fewer readers will be
distracted (as I was) when Brian's cock peeked discretely at April, but the
distinction between discreet and discrete is worth preserving. The story is
so good that I (like most other readers) was willing to ignore these minor
flaws, but why not write a perfect story?
Here's a further note with regard to style. Brian "could tell that she was
nervous and that her acceptance was more mental than physical." Is that
REALLY what the author meant to say? It seems to me that April's hesitation
is largely mental, which is the opposite of what the sentence says. I KNOW
what the author means (I think), but when I look closely, the story sometimes
doesn't help me as much as it should.
My students have learned that it's often a good sign when I give them a paper
back with red ink all over it. When they look closely, they discover that
the comments are not really about mistakes - they are suggestions for making
the paper perfect. The students often make the corrections and submit the
paper and win a state competition or something like that. Applied to this
story, this means that although this story won't get straight 10's right now,
by the time I make my selections for the Top Stories of 1997, this is likely
to be in the Top 10. The only problem with the story is that in this middle
part the author has focused so heavily on getting the emotions and details
right that he has let the language stand just slightly in the way of
expressing this excellent story as accurately and convincingly as possible.
If you've read none of the April stories, I suggest that you start by reading
the entire current (or the eventually revised) version of Pendragon's
"April's First" - all three parts. Then mentally obliterate Pendragon's Part
2 from your mind and read Plainman's version. Remember: details will
diverge, because Plainman did not see Pendragon's Part 2 before he wrote his
version, and the authors take completely different perspectives.
Ratings for "April's First"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Moving Day" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). It's moving day, and is it
ever hot! So hot that sweaty bodies don't even feel good meshed together.
Except in the shower, where hot tongues and cold water blend nicely. At
first this seems nice - even when they return to the mattress in the bedroom.
But damn! They got their clothes wet in the shower, and the dry ones are in
the car. They'll just have to spend two hours or so naked together until
their clothes dry off.
Ratings for "Moving Day"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Foreplay" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Bob and Jeanette are
newlyweds. They had refrained from sex with each other until after marriage.
Bob is willing to remain committed to just this one wonderful woman for his
whole life, but sex is very important to him; and he knows that Jeanette does
not share his enthusiasm. Bob has suggested one night a week for experiments,
or "games." Jeanette has agreed on the condition that she can choose half
the games. Bob has agreed; and her first suggestion was the game called
"missionary position." Hence Bob's concern about his sexual future.
Therefore, for his own first game Bob sets out to make sex so wonderful for
his wife that she will crave sex even more than he does. This story
describes a night of lovemaking when he gives her the royal treatment. The
sex is very tender and passionate, and the descriptions are vivid. The author
shifts perspectives to convey the conflicting or complementary emotions of
both people.
This is a revision of an initial version of this story. I criticized the
prose in the original story as too workmanlike. I said I would have liked to
have seen some more metaphors or poetic insights. The revised version is a
marvelous improvement; it exudes exuberance that simply was not present in
the earlier version. I would like to think that my suggestions prompted this
improvement; but more likely the author got lucky or got religion and the new
worldview led to the improvements.
This was a very good story, and I sincerely enjoyed the description of
"conventional" sex from a highly romantic perspective. A lot of readers will
recognize themselves in this story (if they are lucky), and a lot of others
will wish they had had a sexual tutor similar to this husband.
Ratings for "Foreplay"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Forthright" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Maybe this has been
obvious to the rest of you all along; but I just recently realized that all
of these stories by this author that begin with "For..." are about a married
couple named Bob and Jeanette Brennan. I have been evaluating them as
isolated stories - which is OK, I suppose, since the author has been posting
them as isolated stories. However, as I look back over them, it becomes
obvious to me that the whole is better than the sum of the parts. That is,
the stories are more enjoyable if you read them in the context of one
another.
In this one Bob and Jeanette are experimenting with new sexual positions.
While doing so, they playfully review some of their former escapades. I
love this kind of banter! I also love this kind of playfulness among old,
married people.
By the way, if you really want to do it standing up, try it against the
refrigerator. But remove the magnets first, unless you want to be disturbed
by falling notes or want to explain why the colors have run together in the
kindergarten pictures drawn by your children.
Ratings for "Forthright"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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