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From: Andrew Roller <roller39@IDT.NET>
Subject: 13 Bikini Brigade part 13 of 22 (NND) dec13
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
Andrew Roller Presents
NAUGHTY NAKED DREAMGIRLS
in
BIKINI BRIGADE
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
Chapter Thirteen
“Where are those damn peanuts?” Licorice Lad asked. He sat
alone in his throne room. He adjusted the candied turban sitting atop
his head. He gazed from his throne down the long, red-glazed hallway
that lay outside the throne room. A tromping was heard.
A peanut appeared. It’s hands were bound behind its back.
“Good day to you, great lord Licorice Lad!” the peanut said in
a quavering voice. Another peanut appeared behind it.
“A curse upon you!” the peanut said to Licorice Lad.
A whole file of peanuts, one by one, walked up steps from the
dungeon and into the throne room.
“Who are you?” Licorice Lad asked the peanuts. They all had
their hands tied behind their backs.
A gingerman came tromping up the stairs. “Master, we still
cannot find the royal axe,” the gingerman said.
“Fie on it!” Licorice Lad said. “Who are these peanuts?”
“The Peanut Power People,” the gingerman said. “We have
brought them upstairs to be executed.”
“Well it’s about time!” Licorice Lad said. “I don’t care where
they’re executed. Just *do* it, you big oaf!”
“There are a lot of people, master,” the gingerman said. He
turned. More tromping was heard. “Here come the Gingerman
Autonomists.”
A file of gingermen came into the room. Their hands were tied
behind their backs, just like the hands of the peanuts. They were all
tied with black licorice. Moving along and behind the column were
gingermen guards, loyal to Licorice Lad.
“It is best if you pronounce sentence on them, master,” the
gingerman said to Licorice Lad. “Then we will kill them. That way,
even though we do not have the royal axe, they may be done away with
according to royal protocol.”
“Alright,” Licorice Lad said. “But if we’re going to do
everything according to protocol,” Licorice Lad said, “where are those
two peanuts I sent out to have robes made to be my royal attendants?
Percy and Paul? Who accompanied them to Peanut Province?”
The gingerman gazed at his fellows.
“Nobody accompanied them, master,” the gingerman said.
“They’re just-- two stupid little peanuts. We paid them no attention.”
“What?!” Licorice Lad yelled. “That’s a direct contradiction
of my orders!” Licorice Lad cried. “My royal orders!”
“But master, they empty our garbage,” the gingerman said. It
appeared confused.
“They *used* to empty your garbage, you big oaf! Now they’re
my attendants! My royal attendants!” Licorice Lad yelled. “Off with
your heads! Off with all your heads!”
Katie and I came running down the hall. I gazed at the red
glazed walls. But there was no time to admire them. I could see by all
the people in the room beyond, with their hands tied behind their backs
with black licorice, that our services were needed.
We burst into the room. We began firing at all the gingermen.
“We’re the Bikini Brigade!” Katie yelled.
“The Bikini Brigade!” I shouted.
“Eeeyah!” Licorice Lad yelled. Some marshmellow goop, fired at
one of the guards, flew past the guard and hit him. I recognized him
then, and pointed my gun directly at him and fired at him.
Licorice Lad lifted his arm. The goop from my gun hit it, but
appeared to have no effect.
“EEEEEEYAHAHAHA!” Licorice Lad crowed, even as Katie and I
managed to knock down more of the gingerman guards with blasts from our
guns. I tried firing at Licorice Lad again. But the goo from my gun
just hit him and ran down like water.
“Katie! Licorice Lad!” I cried to her. She saw the boy then,
and fired at him. She hit him square in the face. He cringed,
momentarily. He grabbed at a big candied turban on his head, to keep it
from falling. Then he blinked his eyes. He looked no worse than if
he’d been hit by water. He grinned at us.
“Yes, girls,” Licorice Lad said. “Bambi and Katie. Welcome to
Candyland!”
“EEEEeeeek!” Katie screamed, as she realized, shooting him
again, that our marshmellow guns had no effect on him.
A glow began to emanate from the turban atop Licorice Lad’s
head. It was a black glow. I felt myself beginning to feel a fondness
for licorice. And for Licorice Lad.
“Nooo,” I breathed. I began to walk toward him. I couldn’t
seem to help myself. My arm, holding my gun, went lax. Katie began to
feel it too.
“Oh, I love licorice!
“Licorice is for me!
“It’s black and it’s all gooey
“And I am very sweet!” Katie murmured.
“No! Katie!” I cried. Suddenly she ran up to Licorice Lad.
She leapt up onto his lap, where he was sitting on the great royal
throne, studded with all different types of candy. She embraced him.
“Ohhh! Licorice Lad! I love you!” Katie cried. She gave the goateed
boy a big, warm wet kiss and a hug.
“No!” I said. I tried to draw back. A gingerman rose near
me. He had been knocked down by a fellow gingerman, one I’d hit with
marshmellow goo, but now he was getting up. I’d missed hitting him and
he came at me. “No!” I cried. “Katie!” I yelled, and I fired at the
gingerman as he nearly tackled me. I hit him. He lurched backward,
covered with marshmellow goo. He fell to the floor.
“Get her, my pretty. She does not love Licorice Lad,” the evil
boy told Katie. He pointed at me.
“OOOH! How can anyone not love Licorice Lad? He’s wonderful!
And licorice is a wonderful candy!” Katie cried. “Especially black
licorice,” Katie added. Sitting in Licorice Lad’s lap, she glowered at
me. She raised her marshmellow gun and pointed it at me. “It’s my
favorite candy of all,” Katie said.
“No! Katie!” I cried. She fired. I dove away just in time.
The blast of marshmellow goo from her gun barely missed me.
I turned. I ran down the hall. Not knowing where to search,
we’d parked our lollipops outside the Citadel. I dashed down the
red-walled hall. Katie fired at me as I ran.
“Get her!” Licorice Lad screamed to Katie. He shoved her off
his lap. She came running after me. I looked back over my shoulder and
fired at her. I missed.
Somehow, I made it to the end of the great hall. I ran outside
into the courtyard where we’d parked our lollipops. I jumped on mine.
I didn’t know what to do. The eclair came circling down from a tall
tower.
“This is a nice place,” the eclair said to me. “I’d never been
here before. Did you find the throne room?”
“I found more than that!” I said, kicking my lollipop into gear
with my willpower and making it rise. “I found Licorice Lad himself,
and now he’s got Katie!”
“Huh?” the eclair asked.
Katie came dashing out of the front of the great hall. She saw
me rising and fired at me. She nearly hit me. Then she saw the big
eclair floating near me. She fired again. She hit him and he fell to
the earth with a neighing scream.
“You’re bad! You should love Licorice Lad!” Katie told the
eclair. It rolled on the ground, covered with marshmelloo goo. It
tried to fly but could not. Katie leaped on her lollipop. “Come back,
you! Or I’ll shoot you out of the sky!” Katie yelled at me.
“No! Katie!” I cried. I yanked my lollipop higher. I cleared
the roof of the great hall. I rose among the sugar cone towers of the
castle.
Katie fired at me. The shot splattered the wall of a sugar
cone tower right behind me. I fired back.
“Katie! Please! Don’t shoot at me!” I yelled to her.
“We must love Licorice Lad! We must all love Licorice Lad!”
Katie hollared. She fired at me again.
I zipped around behind a tower. Katie fired at me as I fled.
Then I pulled my lollipop up hard. When it was alongside the tower’s
roof, a big mound of ice cream topped with a cherry, Katie flew in
underneath me. I fired down at her. I hit her! She began to tail down
toward the earth. I felt desperately frightened. If she hit the ground
she would die!
Suddenly, a black glow enveloped her. She righted herself.
She looked up at me.
“Ooooh! You! You will pay for that!” Katie cried. She zoomed
her lolllipop up toward me. I lost all my reservations and blasted
her. It was a direct hit, right in her face. Her lollipop careened off
to one side, carrying her with it. She headed toward the ground again.
Then she wiped her face with her hand and manged to get the goo off. I
gasped. How could she get the marshmellow goo off her without any
soda? She laughed.
“I’ve got the power of Licorice Lad on my side!” Katie said.
She pointed the stick of her lollipop up at me and zoomed toward me.
“Oh, Great Sultan!” I cried. “I know you’re imprisoned
somewhere around here! Help me fight Katie so I can free you from
Licorice Lad!”
I felt strange. A white glow enveloped me. And just in time,
too, for a blast from Katie’s marshmellow gun splattered across my
body. I was knocked back against the roof of the tower. I landed in
ice cream.
“Aaaack!” I cried. With a wrench I broke free of the ice
cream. I fell toward the earth. But where was my lollipop? I spun
around in mid-air. To my great surprise, I saw the stem of the
lollipop. It was falling down to the earth just as I was. I reached
out. I grabbed it. Somehow I manged to yank it under my legs.
“Eeeeyeeeek!” I cried, as I pulled the lollipop out of a fall that was,
moments before, the doom of us both. I realized I was still clutching
my marshmellow gun. Wildly I looked around for Katie. I spotted her,
zooming along the side of a tower. She was laughing, not realizing I’d
recovered from my fall. I fired at her. I hit her on her legs. She
screeched and went into a spin. But then, just as she began to fall
toward the earth, she recovered herself. She turned and came at me like
a lioness, firing her gun repeatedly.
Our battle lasted for many minutes. I lost all track of time
as I zoomed around amidst the towers of the Citadel. I did not know
what to do, except to shoot back at Katie. There seemed to be no way to
get her to stop firing at me. I realized one of us had to go down and I
didn’t want to see her killed.
“The sea,” I said, gazing to the west. There I could see a
foamy, creamy sea. It seemed to have ice cream bars floating in it.
“I’ll knock her into the sea,” I breathed. I wrenched my lollipop
toward the west and sent it flying. Katie rushed after me, shooting at
me as I fled.
Out over the ocean, I re-engaged her. It was indeed an ocean,
made of cream, with a lollipop shoreline. I zoomed over big icebergs.
I saw an orange popsicle floating in the cream, and an ice cream
sandwich, big as a boat. And I saw, bobbing in the waves, little ice
cream cones, topped with sprinkles, that you could hold in your hand.
“Katie, you’re going down now,” I said to myself. I had to end
this battle with her in the sea. Then, with her safe, and hopefully
disarmed and off of her lollipop, I could rush back to the castle and do
battle with Licorice Lad.
I did a double-barrel loop. It was a neat trick, and I was
surprised at my ability to do it. I guessed the white glow enveloping
me made it possible. Perhaps the Sultan had come to my aid. Suddenly,
as I aimed at Katie, ready to bring her down, she did a double-barrel
loop of her own.
“No!” I screamed. The double-barrel put her at my back.
“Die!” I heard, loudly. And close. Too close. Suddenly a
blast of marshmellow goo hit me square in the back. It threw me from my
lollipop. It made me lose my hold on my gun.
“Noooooo!” I cried. I fell towards the sea. With a splash I
hit the waves. I found myself down under the cream; alone, disoriented,
and drowning.
30
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