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Subject: 6 Bikini Brigade part 6 of 22 (NND) dec13
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
Andrew Roller Presents
NAUGHTY NAKED DREAMGIRLS
in
BIKINI BRIGADE
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
Chapter Six
Licorice Lad sat in the throne room, brooding. It was his
favorite activity. He gazed at the giant doors at the end of the throne
room that led into the great hall beyond. It was a hall made of
cheesecake, panelled with glazed raspberry sauce. The walls of the hall
gave off a rich, red glow.
“Those walls should be painted black,” Licorice Lad muttered to
himself. He glanced around the throne room. No one was present.
“Where are my retainers?” he asked of the walls of the throne room. “My
servants?” He saw two peanut people scurry past in the hall. They were
the size of small children, but shaped like peanuts. They both wore
short pants and small shoes and one of them wore glasses.
“Peanut People!” Licorice Lad called to the two peanuts
crossing the hall. The two peanuts stopped and turned. They peeped,
rather frightened, past the big doors at the end of the great hall that
led into the throne room.
“Yes, sire?” the peanut with glasses asked.
“Get in here and attend to me,” Licorice Lad told the peanuts.
“Yes, sire,” both peanuts replied. They hurried into the
throne room and bowed to Licorice Lad, but stood some distance back from
his throne.
“I want you both to stay right here, so I can have servants at
my beck and call, ready at any moment to do my bidding,” Licorice Lad
told the peanuts.
“Yes, sire,” the two peanuts said. They both bowed to Licorice
Lad again.
A bat wafted down the great hall and settled before Licorice
Lad’s feet.
“Master, the girls have been found. They are with Lord
Fruitcake,” the bat said in its telepathic speech. Only Licorice Lad
could understand it. The two peanuts waited, some distance away from
Licorice Lad’s throne, for any wishes he might have.
“Lord Fruitcake?” Licorice Lad said. “Well, it’s about time
that fruitcake got off his ass and did something for me. Where were
they apprehended?”
“South west of Licorice Loch, Master,” the bat said. “Near
where we found their toys.”
“Very good,” Licorice Lad said. “Gingermen!” he called.
“Gingermen!”
“Sire, we have been thinking,” the peanut wearing glasses piped
up.
“Yes, peanut?” Licorice Lad asked.
“If we are to serve you, sire, as your royal attendants,” the
peanut began.
“Yes?” Licorice Lad asked impatiently.
“We need to have royal staffs, sire,” the other peanut said.
“Yes, a royal staff for each of us!” the peanut with glasses
said.
“And royal robes too,” the other peanut said. “You are very
important, sire, and if we’re to attend upon you, we must look important
too!”
“Yes, master?” A gingerman asked. He came tromping into the
hall and nearly stepped on the peanuts because he was much bigger than
they were and he didn’t see them. And even if he had seen them, he
would have expected them to get out of his way.
“Gingerman!” Licorice Lad said. “The girls have been found.
Go downstairs and prepare a place for them in the dungeon!”
“The dungeon, master?” the gingerman asked.
“Yes,” Licorice Lad said. “I intend to have fun with these
girls!”
“In the dungeon, master?” the gingerman said. Licorice Lad
gave an evil laugh. “Yes, in the dungeon. And put a bed down there,
too!”
“Yes, master,” the gingerman answered. He turned and tromped
off for the stairs that led down to the dungeon.
“Now, peanuts, what is it you were asking me?” Licorice Lad
said.
“We wish to look important!” the peanut with glasses said.
“To serve you, sire!” the other peanut added.
“What are your names, peanuts?” Licorice Lad asked.
“I’m Percy,” the peanut with glasses said.
“And I’m Paul,” the other peanut said. They both trembled a
little as they spoke, fearing that they might have been too forward with
Licorice Lad.
“Very well,” Licorice Lad said. “I take it the finest tailors
are in Peanut Province?”
“Yes, sire!” both peanuts answered.
“Then you will both make haste to go there, and get yourself
royal robes to wear, to be my attendants,” Licorice Lad told the two
peanuts.
“Thank you, sire!” both peanuts said happily.
“Do you need an escort?” Licorice Lad asked.
“No, we are always nice to Molasses Moe,” Percy Peanut said.
Paul peanut gave him a nudge.
“We’ll look more important if we have an escort!” Paul
whispered to Percy.
“Yes, sire! An escort is most needed. Otherwise we might get
stuck in Molasses Moor!” Percy told Licorice Lad.
“Master, may I depart?” the bat asked Licorice Lad in its
telepathic speech. Licorice Lad looked at the bat. It was large and
had butterscotch wings that gleamed in the light of the tall lamps that
illuminated the throne room.
“You should be black, bat!” Licorice Lad scowled.
“Not in Candyland, master,” the bat answered. “All bats are
made of golden butterscotch in Candyland.”
Licorice Lad frowned. “I wish everything were black,” he
said. “Everything should be black, my favorite color, the color of
licorice!”
“Master, we should very much need an escort!” Percy peanut said
to Licorice Lad.
“Very well, then,” Licorice Lad said, turning to the two
peanuts. “Get a gingerman to be your escort. Tell them it is on my
orders, so that I may have properly attired attendants to attend to my
every need!”
“Yes, sire,” the peanuts said.
“Oh, and make sure your royal attire is black!” Licorice Lad
added.
“Black?!” the two peanuts asked. They both looked suddenly
unhappy.
“Yes, black!” Licorice Lad commanded. “Soon all of Candyland
will be one color--black! I shall have everything painted black,
including you, bat!” The bat seemed none too pleased with the idea, but
dared not contradict Licorice Lad.
The gingerman came tromping back up the stairs from the
dungeon.
“You should be black too,” Licorice Lad told the sugar-coated
gingerman.
“Master, the dungeon is full,” the gingerman said, apparently
not hearing Licorice Lad, or not regarding the remark as one needing his
attention.
“Full?!” Licorice Lad asked.
“There is the Sultan,” the gingerman said. “And in another
room there are the Gingerman Autonomists, who want autonomy for
gingermen,” the gingerman said.
“Fie on them,” Licorice Lad said. “A gingerman’s duty is to
serve the Sultan. That’s me!”
“Yes, master,” the gingerman said.
“So? Is there no room at all?” Licorice Lad asked impatiently.
“No, master, because there are also the Peanut Power People,”
the gingerman said. “They do not wish to pay tribute to your highness.”
“Peanut power,” Licorice Lad scoffed. “It is the duty of
Peanut Province to supply the Sultan with all his needs. Including
being his attendants!” Licorice Lad added. He pointed at Percy and Paul
peanut. The two peanuts both nodded their hasty agreement.
“They claim that you are a usurper, master, and so they have no
need to pay you tribute,” the gingerman said.
“Off with their heads!” Licorice Lad commanded. “Them, and the
Gingerman Autonomists too. Then put a bed down there. I’m expecting
female company.” He laughed. It was an evil laugh. “And riding gear,
as well. Put that in the dungeon too, along with the bed.”
“You intend to ride the Clydesdales in the dungeon, master?”
the gingerman asked.
“No, but I do intend to mount up and do some riding,” Licorice
Lad said. He laughed again, and it was a very long, and very evil
laugh.
“We’re slowing down,” Glenda Guilty announced. She watched as
the green rainbow beam she was riding arced down toward a coastline.
The ocean was still below, the unknown, unnamed sea they’d travelled
over. Now the rainbow beams they were riding moved less rapidly across
the ocean. At last, they stopped. Glenda took a step forward. She was
still on the green rainbow beam, but it hovered beneath her feet, still
as a heavy mist, sparkling but not moving anymore.
“So, what’d it do, run out of gas?” Matilda, gliding in next to
Glenda, and coming to a stop just ahead of her, asked.
Wilma was already walking up ahead, following the last few
yards of a yellow rainbow beam, down to the grasslands at the edge of a
bluff.
“C’mon,” Wilma cried, looking back at them.
Affidavit Al came in next to Matilda.
“Whew! What a ride!” Al said. “I thought I was going to die!”
“We’re still standing in mid-air,” Glenda told him. She gazed
down at the sea below. They were to the north of their former position,
along a coast far away from the one they’d left. Below them, waves
crashed against a headland.
“Eeep!” Affidavit Al cried, looking down. “I’m getting off
this thing,” he said. He ran forward along the rainbow, following
Wilma.
“Let’s go,” Matilda said to Glenda. “I don’t like the looks of
those rocks, down below.” Together they walked forward along the
rainbow until they reached the grass of the bluff.
“Do you suppose there’s another candy apple forest, across the
grass?” Affidavit Al asked, staring ahead of them. They all stood
together on the grass. It was damp, from the rain, but it wasn’t
raining anymore.
“Hey, it’s gone!” Wilma cried. She was looking behind them and
the others turned and looked back out across the sea. There was nothing
there now. Where the rainbow had hung, there was only sky and, in the
distance, where they’d flown across the ocean, clouds.
“This is amazing,” Matilda said. “This whole place should be
arrested.”
“Once when I was little I snuck into an amusement park, before
it opened for the summer,” Al said. “Maybe we’ve stumbled into some new
amusement park, one that isn’t open yet. We’re the only visitors.”
“Yes!” Wilma said. “We could go on all the rides, for free!”
“Well, we just went on one,” Matilda said. “But I’m not here
to enjoy recreation. We’ve got to find those two missing girls!”
“Yes! They could be with a Man. A strange man!” Glenda said.
“We’ve got to attend to government business.”
“Let’s get walking,” Matilda said. “There’s no time to waste!
I prefer my feet to a rainbow any day!”
“That rainbow was kinda scary,” Al said. “They should have a
sign, or something, warning people who get scared easily not to ride on
it.”
“There’s a road!” Wilma said. “Look! Ahead, in the grass.”
They walked through the damp field until they came to a road.
It crunched under their feet when they stepped on it. They gazed down
at it and saw that it was made of small purple rocks.
“Strange looking road,” Glenda Guilty said.
“We’re in some damn amusement park. What do you expect?”
Matilda said dismissively.
“Which way do we go on it?” Wilma asked. The road ran along
through hilly grasslands with no apparent purpose, save perhaps to
follow the coastline of the ocean that lay behind them.
“Which way is which way?” Matilda asked. “I don’t have a
compass. Do you?” She looked at Glenda Guilty.
“Generally one doesn’t need a compass for government business,”
Glenda replied. “Just paperwork, and a briefcase. But I lost my
briefcase.”
“No matter,” Matilda said. Arbitrarily she pointed to the
east. “This way. We’ll go this way.”
Together the group walked off to the east, not knowing it was
east, but knowing that they’d decided, at least, to go in a particular
direction, even if they didn’t know what direction that was.
Tommy Troll approached the eclair cautiously. It was feeding
with its peehole in the grass on the edge of Molasses Moor.
“If I could jump on that eclair and make it go where I want, I
might fly home,” Tommy muttered to himself, gazing at the large beast.
It stood alone. It had gotten separated from its herd or, perhaps, it
preferred to be alone. Tommy crept closer. “What a lot of time I could
save, if I could get that elcair to fly,” Tommy said. “Not that I’ve
ever seen it done. Not with someone sitting on top of it, of course.
But then, nobody had ever thought of making a Candification machine
before, either. I’m not a troll for nothing.” Tommy crept closer
still.
There was a dandelion near Tommy’s nose. Tommy paid it no
attention. It was only an old, dead, white dandelion, its yellow color
all gone. He studied the movements of the eclair, which was munching
quite close to him now. In the distance, the moor could be seen. It
was deep brown. “I hate having to cross that moor,” Tommy thought to
himself. “Molasses Moe always makes me be nice. I hate being nice. A
proper troll only thinks of himself. And I sure wish I could get that
eclair to think of me, too. Then he might give me a quick ride home.
Not that its ever been done, though...”
Suddenly, a small puff of breeze ruffled the grass. It blew on
the dandelion. The old flower broke apart and parts of it went flying
up Tommy’s nose.
“Ker-chooo!” Tommy sneezed. The eclair gave a start. It
realized then how close Tommy was. Eclairs are shy creatures, and one
must be a very, very nice person to get as close to an eclair as Tommy
had. The eclair knew instinctively that a troll was unlikely to be a
nice person.
The eclair moved away from the troll. Tommy leapt up. He knew
he was lucky to have gotten as close to the eclair as he had, and he
didn’t want to lose his opportunity.
“Come here, eclair!” Tommy yelled. Desperately he ran toward
the eclair. The eclair leapt up but Tommy, who was close, managed to
leap onto its back. Tommy landed in the glazed icing on the eclair’s
back. The eclair lifted its large body and began to rise into the sky.
Then, bending its head down, it spurted cream onto the grass and made a
quick ascent up into the clouds. Tommy held on for dear life.
Gazing over the side of the eclair, Tommy found himself looking
down upon Molasses Moor. It was dark and chocolaty looking. Fudge
popsicles grew there, amidst small, scraggly patches of crabgrass.
“Yahoo! I’m flying!” Tommy yelled to the sky. The eclair flew
higher and higher, and spurted out more cream. It flexed its powerful
back but Tommy managed to remain, clinging hard to it, hoping the icing
spread over it didn’t cause him to go tumbling down into the moor.
Southward the eclair flew. It was unable to dislodge Tommy.
Below them passed fields and meadows. Then they flew across a vale of
treetops. Below, in the trees, grew many different types of fruit.
Also in the forest was a mining operation, where peanut workers dug up
chocolate, gold covered coins to put in the Sultan’s treasury. They
worked in and around the trees, trying not to dig any of the trees up as
they brought the gold coins to the surface of the earth.
Tommy gazed with interest down between the trees. If he fell
off the eclair now, it would be a deadly fall, but he might at least
land in the middle of a gold mining operation.
More trees passed below. Tommy wished the eclair would land
but there was very little in the way of grassland for the eclair to put
down in. Just forest, and more forest. Tommy gazed at the tops of the
trees. They flew across a shimmering lake and then on above more
forests.
Flying even farther south, the eclair flew across Peanut
Province, where Peanut Brittle Polly lived. She presided over the
Peanut People, and together they worked to serve the Sultan and, since
they were an industrious people, they also made lots and lots of peanut
brittle. Gazing down past the flank of the eclair Tommy watched as
fields of peanuts passed underneath them. It would be another fine
season in Peanut Province. Lots of peanuts would be harvested, despite
the fact that Licorice Lad was now in charge. Tommy thought he saw the
small cabin, in the middle of Peanut Province, where Peanut Brittle
Polly lived. It was tidy, but quite old. It had a roof made of chunky
peanut butter. Its sides were creamy, but hard-baked from standing for
many years in the sun. There was a ramshackle chimney at the back of
the cabin and a disorderly fence around it. But the lawn was neatly
clipped, and the mailbox out front had been newly painted, a golden,
peanut buttery brown. Its flag was raised to let the peanut mailman
know that Polly had mail to be picked up. Nearby, a field had been set
aside to build a peanut butter palace for Polly. But she’d declined,
preferring to see the field put to good use growing peanuts. And she
didn’t want to give encouragement to the Peanut Power People movement,
who considered themselves patriots and wished to pay no homage at all to
any Sultan, be he Licorice Lad or not.
Tommy shivered. He was glad he wasn’t down in the dungeon of
the Citadel of Sweets. He’d spent five years there already and too many
of them had been years that he’d shared with imprisoned Peanut Power
People. He hated having to listen to their rants. Especially since
none of it had anything to do with him. A troll thought mostly of
himself. What peanuts wanted from this world was of no interest at all
to Tommy.
The eclair flew higher. Tommy lost sight of Polly’s cabin
amidst the sprawl of Peanut Province. There were hundreds of peanut
butter homes below him. Interspersed with the homes were fields of
peanuts. Each home, it seemed, had its prosperous little field, all the
peanut people happily growing peanuts.
The coach trundled along in the Gumdrop Mountains. I sat
inside, with Katie, our arms bound once more behind us with black
licorice. Freddie sat across from us. He gazed out a carriage window,
past the gingerman guard who sat beside him, at the falling sugar.
Somewhere, a child was dreaming of Candyland, and making it snow sugar
up high in the Gumdrop Mountains.
“When are we gonna get to your fort?” Katie asked Freddie.
“Soon, my child,” Freddie replied. His chin was resting on his
hand. He looked bored. His paperwork lay in his lap. The gingermen
stared straight ahead, vacantly, disinterested in anything other than
fulfilling their duties. At the moment they had no duties, save to wait
for more orders, when they should eventually be given. I listened to
the bouncing and rattling of the coach. The inside of our coach was a
deep, royal purple, but its color didn’t lessen the fact that I was
still a prisoner. Anything I wished, I had to ask for. And hope I got
permission. I felt bored myself, sitting there, despite the uncertainty
of my captivity. I might ask to go to the bathroom, and get the
carriage stopped, but we’d just stopped a little while back. Even Katie
didn’t have to go to the bathroom again, not yet. And there would be
lunch soon, but it wasn’t time for lunch yet. So I sat on the violet
bench in the coach, gazing out at the drifts of sugar and snow. I still
wore my bikini, as did Katie. We were cool, but not chilly, in the
coach. As always, Candyland found a way to keep itself pleasant, even
high up in the mountains.
“What are we gonna do when we get to your fort?” Katie asked
Freddie. He glanced at the gingermen.
“Oh, we still have a long way to go, my dear,” Freddie
answered. “We must descend out of these mountains, and then go to the
east. We’ve gone around a big, wide ocean, you see. The Soda Sea.
It’s fizziest up along its northern coast. Down south, where you were
swimming, it tends to get rather bland. The influence of Licorice Loch
does that. The ocean now is to our east. Below it is the candy apple
forest, and along its western end is Peppermint Pete’s forest. Also on
the western end is the Gumdrop Mountain range, where we are now. Next
we’ll travel east again, following the main pop rock road along the Soda
Sea’s northern coast. Eventually we’ll get to Peanut Province. Then,
from there, it’s north, to the edges of a forest. It’s an impenetrable
forest, I’m afraid. There are beautiful trees there, though. Fruit
trees. Plus pine and redwood and spruce and cedar. I used to go hiking
there when I was younger,” Freddie said. His eyes took on a dreamy
look.
“Can we go hiking too?” Katie asked.
“No,” Freddie said. “We’ll go to the west, along the edge of
the forest. We’ve got to stay on the main road. We can move fastest in
this horse drawn carriage.”
“Rats,” Katie said.
“Oh, I agree,” Freddie said. “Not only is it fun to hike in
that forest, but there are gold coins buried there too, under the
earth. Chocolate gold coins. There’s a royal mining operation there.
They dig carefully, so as not to disrupt the trees. Only the king’s men
are allowed to dig up the coins, though.
“For us, it’s to the west. We’ll eventually pass through some
forests, plum forests. Plus other trees. Bananas and oranges and
cherries--”
“Yum! Let’s pick some cherries,” Katie said.
“Perhaps we will, if we’ve time,” Freddie said. “And then,
what you may like even better, is that we must pass through the Lollipop
Forest.”
“Yummie!” Katie said. “This is going to be a yummy trip, even
if we are prisoners!”
“From there we must board an ice cream bar and cross part of
the Sea of Cream,” Freddie said. “Then it’s on to the Citadel, except
for one final part, where we must get across Molasses Moor.”
“It sounds like it’s still a long ways,” Katie said. “But I
like the part about the cherries, and the lollipops!”
“And then we’ll meet Licorice Lad?” I asked.
“Yes,” Freddie said. “Then I’m afraid-- I mean, then you’ll
have the pleasure of being guests of his royal highness, the great and
powerful Licorice Lad!”
The gingermen, breaking slightly from their stolid reverie, all
nodded.
“Oooh, I don’t want to meet him,” Katie said. Her eyes were
large. She shrank down in her seat.
“Look. More of those gumdrop bushes,” I said. “Can we get out
and pick some?” I asked Freddie.
“No, I’m afraid not, girls,” Freddie said. “We must make
time. We will be at my fort soon. You can both eat all you want at my
fort. Especially fruitcake,” he smiled. “And licorice,” he added,
glancing at the guards.
30
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