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Celestial Reviews 240 - December 6, 1997
Note: Someone has reposted all of SueNH's stories. I am reposting my reviews
of those stories - plus reviewing the few I missed. Note that some of my
reviews are based on my old system (10=excellent, 0=awful), and I have not
tried to update those ratings at this time. Note also that many of these are
old reviews, and if I were writing them now, I might say different things. I
am posting the reviews in simple alphabetical order. I am including a few
"with Sue" stories that may not yet have been reposted. I do not know Sue's
current address - all of the addresses listed in the reviews are inaccurate.
Maybe this Sue Renaissance will prod Sue out of retirement!
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Warm Caribbean Night" by SueNH (romantic mistaken identity)
10, 9, 9
"Ironing in the Kinks" by SueNH (quickie) 10, 8, 8
"Alice and Joe and You and Me" by SueNH (voyeurism) 10, 7, 7
"my childhood games" by x (kiddy sex) 5, 3, 3
"Long Ago and Far Away" by Sven the Elder (forbidden
romance) 10, 8, 8
"Sister Ashley" by Greatness (sex with a nun) 4, 3, 3
"Passages in Time. Episode 2: The Laying of Claim" by
Alan C. McD (time-travel sex) 10, 8, 8
Guest Reviews:
"Iowa State Police" by Ms. Which (oral sex with cop) 9, 8.5, 6
"Moroccan Club" by sweetkaren (strip club orgy) 7, 6, 8
Reposted Reviews:
* "AdventureLand" by SueNH.(Amusement park sex) 9, 8, 10
* "Catty Corner" by SueNH (voyeurism) 10
* "Cocktail Table" by SueNH (orgy) 10, 10, 10
* "Craftsmanship" by SueNH (blowing the glass blower)
10, 10, 10
* "Film at Eleven" by SueNH (sex on videotape) 10
* "Fun with Dick and Jane" by SueNH (group sex ed) 10
* "Gee Spot Run" by SueNH (masturbation & voyeurism) 10
* "Good Grief" by SueNH (surrogate sex) 10, 10, 10
* "Guess Who's Coming at Dinner" by SueNH (orgy)
* "Here Cums Santa" by SueNH (real celebrity sex!) 10, 10, 10
* "Into the Woods" by With Sue (outdoor celebrity sex)
10, 10, 10
* "Kachina" by SueNH (sex in the great outdoors) 10
* "Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire" by SueNH (revenge) 10, 9, 9
* "Life's a Beach" by SueNH (Sex on the beach) 4
* "Louvre Love" by SueNH (Sex & Fantasy in the Louvre)
9, 7, 8
* "Lab Partners" by WithSueNH (very hot, gentle threesome)
10, 10, 10
* "Libre Island" by Sharon with Sue (orgies in an island
paradise) 9
* "Lucy in the Sky" by SueNH (sex in the outdoors) 10
* "On the Dock" by SueNH (exhibitionism & voyeurism)
10, 10, 10
* "Red Hot" by SueNH (orgy) 9.5, 10, 10
* "Slippery When Wet" by SueNH (sex in jacuzzi) 10
* "To Serve and Protect" by SueNH (sex in the fast lane) 10
* "A Weekend on the Island" by WithSue (hot orgy)
10, 10, 10
* "You Big, Me Doll" by SueNH (sexy dream & doll sex)
10, 8, 8
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Warm Caribbean Night" by SueNH. Sue is waiting for her lover while he takes
a swim in the ocean. When he returns, he will make love to her for the first
time. He returns, gently fucks her in the complete velvety darkness, then
returns again. Ooops! How can this be? The lover in the darkness must have
been someone else!
I'll still never understand why people think the second-person (you) narrative
is so great. But this is overall a nice romantic fantasy.
Ratings for "Warm Caribbean Night"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Ironing in the Kinks" by SueNH. This is a continuation of "Warm Caribbean
Night." After they return from their trip to the Caribbean, Sue is ironing
the laundry (an ancient custom still performed in medieval American
households), when her lover drops by unexpectedly. Since Sue is already in
heat, the lover arranges for some kinky sex involving the ironing board and a
few other pieces of furniture.
This is hot sex, but it's hardly a fully developed plot.
Ratings for "Ironing in the Kinks"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Alice and Joe and You and Me" by SueNH. This is a continuation of the
previous two stories. This time Sue and her lover are invited to visit some
neighbors who have a nice house on the beach. They watch them having some hot
sex in the jacuzzi and with the jacuzzi hose.
This earlier work of Sue's is not nearly as good as her later, more integrated
efforts. At this early stage she has some good ideas, but she is posting them
as they happen to come to her mind. In her later work she seems to be more
willing to wait until she has a whole story before telling it.
Ratings for "Alice and Joe and You and Me"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"my childhood games" by x (x@x.org). This is a story only in the sense that
it consists of 767 words in a single paragraph that are generally about a
single set of events. It comes from the website of the Childhood Sexuality
Center; and so I don't want to make fun of it, since it might be the genuine
reflections of a dysfunctional adult who was rendered dyslexic as a result of
early childhood sexual trauma. It's not really very interesting, unless
you're interested in 11-year-olds rolling in the mud and sucking each other's
cocks.
Ratings for "my childhood games"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 3
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"Long Ago and Far Away" by Sven the Elder (sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk). This
story is a retrospective about Sven's experiences before he was the Elder -
long ago and far away, when he was a white European romancing the black
African daughter of the local chieftain. The chieftain wasn't all that
thrilled about the relationship; and so he had ordered the relationship to
end. This is the story of the couple's last romantic tryst.
It's an interesting story with good sex, but my impression is that this is a
lot clearer and more interesting in the mind of the author than it will be to
the minds of people who do not share that same initial perspective.
Ratings for "Long Ago and Far Away"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Sister Ashley" by Greatness. {The author didn't give his address, but no
matter.} Jimmy Parsons is 13 years old. He has twin sisters who are four
years older than he is, and they have 35C tits; but those numbers may be
inaccurate, unless Jimbo is a lot better at math than he is at spelling and
grammar. The girls were pretty but not too bright. Father Mike, the local
priest, rants against sin, and so the girls don't let anyone get too far with
them. But even though they're so dumb that blondes probably tell jokes about
them, they figure out loopholes in the rules. For example, since they can't
fuck with boys, they have sex with each other.
Now, the Sister Ashley of the title is not one of these sisters, but rather a
nun. Actually, she's a fake nun. The kids in this story go to a lot of
trouble to figure this out; but it should have been easy, because nuns are all
named after saints. Nuns may be named after male saints or female saints, but
they have to be genuine Catholic saints. There is no St. Ashley. Don't ask
me why: I think it has something to do with nobody naming their daughters
Ashley or Brittany until the 1960's, and by then even the Catholics had
stopped making saints. Anyway, there may be a Sister Mary Ralph or a Sister
John Michael or even a Sister Billy Bob; but there is no way any genuine nun
can be named Sister Ashley.
Well, what do you think these playful little rascals will do with Sister
Ashley when they expose her - er, when they uncover her secret? The answer is
hidden in a lot of childish gibberish, but I think it involves a dog.
Ratings for "Sister Ashley"
Athena (technical quality): 4
Venus (plot & character): 3
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"Passages in Time. Episode 2: The Laying of Claim" by Alan C. McD
(18157818@msn.com). This second story in the "Passages in Time" series builds
upon the first episode, which was entitled "The Awakening." This one has more
focus on enigmatic aspects of time travel than some readers will want to see.
On the other hand, some readers will like this sci-fi emphasis.
In this episode we go back in history to 10,000 BC, where our heroine becomes
our hero and has sex with a prehistoric woman. This is a little confusing,
since I am not at all familiar with prehistoric sex. My closest experience
was the movie "One Million BC," in which Racquel Welch (I think) went around
for about two hours grunting and looking good. The copulators in this story
seem to lie somewhere between Neanderthals or Cro Magnons and Racquel Welch -
but then my time frame may be inaccurate.
These people do not have sex in the missionary position. But I suppose that's
because there were no missionaries to teach that position until AD.
On the whole, I enjoyed the insights into prehistoric thought processes, but I
found the time travel aspects to be somewhere between annoying and
distracting. I still am not clear why or how the time-traveling explorer of
the galaxy is saving the others (whoever they are) through union with them.
This story reminds me a great deal of the work of another author. If this
author has ever written a story with a character named Hideo in it, he/she
should 'fess up and come clean with me.
The author clearly wants us to stay with him for his whole show. When this
chapter is integrated with everything else, it may become excellent; but right
now it's somewhat confusing.
Ratings for "The Laying of Claim"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Iowa State Police" by Ms. Which (mswhich@hotmail.com). Guest review by Morgan
Preece.
Well, a joke I just read seems appropriate here.
"A Tale of Two Whales"
Two whales, a male and female, are swimming off the coast of Japan when the
male looks up and sees the whaling ship that killed his father five years ago.
Excited at the opportunity to avenge his father's death, he says, "Let's go
underneath the ship and blow air through our blow holes. That ought to knock
their boat over, and make them think twice about killing innocent whales.
The female whale agrees, and the plan works perfectly.
Once the whaling ship has completely sunk, the male whale notices that most of
the sailors are making their way back to the shore either by swimming or in
lifeboats. Not willing to let them get away so easily, he yells, "They're
going to shore - Let's go gobble them up!"
Suddenly, the female whale becomes less cooperative: "HEY!" she says, "I
agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing any seamen!"
(thanks to Joyce Melton and Martin Young and Bruce Shipman)
I think everyone knows the plot just from the title. No surprises there: cop
stops a good-looking woman for speeding and a blowjob.
This story has touches of humor, but I don't think the author is going to win
any points with feminists. <g> And State Police may not be so happy about
being stereotyped, either. <bg> Nor Polish persons. <g>
Okay, I took this story as being all in fun, almost but not quite a send up of
its narrow genre. I got a few chuckles, but the sex wasn't really to my
tastes and probably isn't to several people I could name. It isn't that I
don't like handcuff stories; I mean the bondage in this is light compared to
the stuff in at least one of my own stories.
Still, if you like the old "pay your ticket on your knees, slut" scenario, you
may like this.
Oh, and there is one really funny typo. I didn't know that Iowa State
Policemen wore skirts as part of their uniforms.
Athena (technical quality): 9
(Phrasing sometimes distances the action from the reader. Setting is bare but
keeping it that way is probably a choice not a mistake; it helps keep the
story moving. No minus for the funny typo.)
Venus (plot & character): 8.5
(Plot is standard but characters seem real and human, stereotypes but not
cardboard. I got three chuckles out of it. Minus 1 for the old hat plot and
-.5 for the "she loves it when she's made to" cliche.)
Morgan (appeal to reviewer): 6 (I know I'm tough in this part. I'd judge this
to be an 8+ for some people, but what do I know?)
Grade for a hypothetical class in writing for ASS would be a "B-" and "Keep
writing - your audience will find you" scribbled in the margin.
"Moroccan Club" by sweetkaren (sweetkaren@usa.net). Guest Review by DG.
As this story opens, the narrator, a young American woman on vacation in
Morocco, is sitting in an outdoor square, eating dinner with a recent
acquaintance, a charming young local man. The situation as it unfolded over
the first few paragraphs was normal and casual enough that I wondered if the
story might be true, or at least partially true. The young man invites her to
a local nightclub, and she accepts. When they arrive, she notices that the
patrons are mostly men, and it turns out to be a strip club. Or, what passes
for a strip club in an Islamic country: the dancers start out overdressed and
slowly remove their extraneous items of clothing, ending up just fully
clothed.
Our narrator, having had a few too many drinks, decides she will show the
crowd how we do things over in the good old US of A. She hops up on the stage
and strips down to just her stockings, to the surprise and appreciation of the
culturally disadvantaged male patrons. In fact, the patrons are so
appreciative that they fill her every orifice with their rock-hard cocks,
bringing her to countless orgasms and finally leaving her outside in an alley,
covered from head to foot with a sticky layer of cum and much richer for the
memories. So much for the story being true.
This story has a cute premise, and is fairly well written. I think it could
have been improved by providing more description and buildup for the
stripping/sex scene. One paragraph she is having a drink and minding her own
business, and the by the end of the next paragraph she is naked with men all
over her. I don't want to quibble too much, though: this story was written to
be a short, hot romp, not a work of literature, and on that level it succeeds.
Ratings for "Moroccan Club"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
DG (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "AdventureLand" by Sue. I love theme parks. Disney World in Orlando is an
especially romantic place. In this story, a woman manages to get into the
Pirates of the Caribbean attraction after everyone else has left it. She
masturbates and engages in sexual fantasies with the characters. The punch
line is that one of the characters turns out to be the college kid who runs
the attraction, and he fucks her and slips away before she realizes that he
wasn't part of her imagination. I liked the story a lot. I'm sure there are
religious people somewhere who would be repulsed at the thought of a Disney
employee taking advantage of an innocent customer; but what the hell - this
story takes place in an atmosphere in which the "legitimate" fantasy consists
of fun-loving pirates looting villages and gleefully carrying off the female
prisoners. When I've taken my kids on that ride, I've often mentally noted
that in real life the pirates would have had their sexual jollies with the
women they were chasing. Being captured and raped by a pirate probably wasn't
as much fun as Disney suggests. In real life Disney employees who have sex
with customers who are masturbating with the characters should be fired; just
as pirates who rape and pillage should normally be hanged after a fair trial.
It was fun to read a story in which a modern pirate took advantage of a
damsel. On the downside, you really do have to stretch your imagination to
buy into the story. But overall, it was just good clean fun.
Ratings for "AdventureLand"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Catty Corner" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com). I loved this story. So many writers
on a.s.s. can describe hot sex; but Sue has the knack of putting it into the
context of a really creative story. This one comes with a double whammy - a
voyeur watching a voyeur and then the voyeurs watching each other. I just
resolved earlier today to be a little rougher in my ratings. I also resolved
to give my husband a break from passion tonight. Oh, well; there go my
resolutions. (Rating: 10)
* "Cocktail Table" by Sue. Sue accepts an invitation to a party from some
graduate students who admire her literary work. After the initial fuss over
her arrival, everyone sits around in a quiet circle with their hands on their
laps while Sue reads "Slippery When Wet" to the group. Everyone gets turned
on by the splendid reading, and the spokesman for the group suggests that Sue
may want to leave before the ensuing orgy begins. Sue chooses to stay.
Actually, Sue tells it better; so read the story.
I shall now respond to the one unanswered question in Sue's story: the plural
of "clitoris" is "clitorises". Interestingly enough, my spellcheck recognized
this plural, even though it failed to recognize "anally," "Sistine,"
"dominatrix," and "supermodel." I verified this plural in my unabridged
dictionary, where the word is found right after "cliticize" (the meaning of
which may surprise you) and on the same page with a picture of a cloister.
Talk about a screwed up value system! The dictionary defines clit, clitoris,
and cliticize (and 101 pages later gives three definitions for cunt, which
happen to come right before Mario Cuomo - now there's a coincidence for you),
but it gives a picture of a cloister instead of a clitoris! I mean, how many
readers in all of history have looked at the definition of a cloister and
said, "Damn! I wish I had a picture to clear this up for me!" Sorry about the
digression; but Sue did raise the original question in her story.
{Well, now that I have already digressed, I might mention that I did a double-
take during proofreading - 101 pages of definitions between clitoris and
Cuomo? Yes, that's right. Yesterday a prissy student came up to my desk and
told me that another student - who was disgruntled over her grade - had called
me "the c-word." I asked her to be more specific, but she couldn't utter "the
c-word" out loud. She doesn't realize how truly ambiguous her accusation
was!}
This was a very enjoyable story. I have only one problem with it, and that
problem is akin to the play within a play theme that often occurs in
Shakespeare. When Sue has six guys shoot their jism all over her body (never
mind the cunt juices that are flowing like milk and honey) - when she gets her
pastry frosted by six guys at once, whose record is she breaking? (Not mine,
certainly!) She compares it to the four guys whose snorkels she cleared in
"Slippery When Wet," but that's a work of fiction, and is recognized as such
even in the present work of fiction. Sue herself is actually a most demure
person who probably isn't even named Sue and almost certainly has not
participated in Onan's Olympics with more than two male partners at the same
time. So what we have here is a fiction within a fiction and how do we know
that even that is not fiction? In other words, that that is not is not that
that is. (I was tempted to replace "in other words" with "that is" in the
preceding sentence, but then the thought would have become confusing.)
Sorry. Even though I am a most cunning linguist I just never had a chance to
say that last sentence in a meaningful context before. If you're ever in
danger of premature orgasm, try repeating and understanding that sentence, and
it will probably keep you from coming at least until your partner catches up
with you.
Ratings for "Cocktail Table"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Craftsmanship" by Sue. I always save Sue's stories for a time when I'll
have time to relish and enjoy her imagery. The writers of many of the
previous stories could benefit from reading and imitating Sue's style. (They
could also use the occasion for some private foreplay.) In this story Sue
makes passionate love to the glass blower, after she (literally) blows a
phallus that he later uses to ravage her cunt. Actually, Sue says it better
than I did. If you analyze them really carefully, Sue's fantasies probably
would make no more sense in real life than those in the previous stories.
After all, what sensible girl would want to watch a muscular young man engaged
in his trade, then seduce him by having him help her blow and shape a glass
phallus, then have him insert that still warm phallus into her well-primed
most private parts, then be driven completely out of her mind by a blazing hot
orgasm when he inserts the real thing, then suck his gorgeous cock that seems
to fit so well into the environs of this shop surrounded by erotic art that
her lover has himself produced until he explodes into a gigantic orgasm that
she cannot contain? Or what red-blooded guy would take delight in being used
in this way by a lewd and lascivious woman, interested in driving her partner
into a state of raging ecstasy only because she thinks that he will respond in
a way that will contribute to her own self-gratification? For that matter,
who would even want to read about such things? Probably only people like
those befuddled readers who are tempted right now to cast this review into
temporary electronic oblivion and go find this hot, sexy story. But somehow,
Sue manages to use words and give rationales that make it all seem worth
fantasizing about.
Ratings for "Craftsmanship"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Film at Eleven" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com). During her vacation in Maine, Sue
is invited to visit a sexy couple she met earlier in the day. She agrees to
videotape them while they make love. The sex gets really hot, and Sue
describes it vividly and in minute detail. At the climax, Sue herself gets
into the act by fondling Bart's cock while it's inside Nina's cunt. This
makes it possible for Sue also to diddle Nina's G-spot at the same time. And
Sue manages to record this entire activity on videotape! Is this activity
actually possible? If anyone tries it successfully, let me know - but it sure
sounds sexy!
Oh - and Sue mistakenly refers to Bart as Gary once. Gotcha! Of course, I've
never done that to my husband, but he does call me Sue once in a while in the
heat of passion.
The videotaping theme provides an excuse for Sue to describe details of the
sexual encounter that would normally be superfluous. For example, she
describes such things as facial expressions and skin texture of the labia and
around the ass. There would be little justification for these descriptions in
a normal narrative; but in the context of this story they become quite
sensual. (Rating: 10)
* "Fun with Dick and Jane" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com) As we left Sue last week at
the end of "Gee Spot Run," Sue had used her erotic fiction as a basis to
enrich the fantasy life and masturbation abilities of a repressed housewife.
As our story resumes in this sequel, Sue has been invited to Jane's house for
dinner, where she meets her husband Dick and a stuffy friend of theirs named
Charles. When Jane blurts out that Sue is a writer of erotica, the men scoff
at Sue. They think she is merely a Barbara Cartland type. Sue rises to the
challenge and offers to read one of her stories out loud, with the agreement
that its quality will be measured by Charles's peter meter, which at the time
was easily hidden beneath the napkin on his lap.
So Sue read from "Louvre Love." Actually, this was a bad choice, since (as we
all know) this particular story received a modest rating of 7.5 in Celestial
Reviews, whereas most of Sue's stories are 10's. I think "Here Cums Santa" or
"To Serve and Protect" would have been better choices. Perhaps Sue made this
choice deliberately, to avoid straining Charles's gauge, which probably wasn't
capable of registering a 10. To make a long story short, the story works; but
alas, Dick dislikes perversion and refers to Sue as a cunning temptress. (Had
I been there, of course, he would have referred to me as a cunning linguist.
But I think either epithet would fit Sue accurately.) Jane defends her
friend's reputation, and soon tendrils of pleasure are racing around Sue's
body while Charles begins to fuck her and Jane observes unobtrusively.
Enough! You'll have to read the story yourself to find out who comes how
often and where and whether Dick finally overcomes his inhibitions and has fun
with Jane. This is an excellent story, only minimally reminiscent of the book
of the same title that many of us read when we were in the first grade.
This story (combined with this review) will be especially useful for cunning
linguists or for students whose teachers require them to look up and use a
word a day. I mean, in addition to ribald sex, this story is full of
tendrils, epithets, and ogling - as well as a vivid reference to the Louvre -
which, of course, is located near the Champs Elysee. (Rating: 10)
* "Gee Spot Run" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). I consider this story to exemplify
what the preceding story was missing. (Note that I have already given the
other story a high rating; so don't take this as overly critical of that
story.) The big difference is that in this story the protagonists have a
*reason* for having sex.
When Sue meets a casual friend and gets into a deep conversation, she
discovers that the woman is sexually repressed. To help out, she discloses
the fact that she is an author of highly regarded sex stories and offers to
let her friend read some of them. Sue goes off to take a shower and leaves her
friend reading "Craftsmanship," which readers of these reviews will recognize
as one of the stories I often cite as an example of hot, well-written erotica.
Well, I was right in rating that story a 10; because when Sue returns from the
shower the woman is in the throes of masturbation that was instigated by
reading the story. The woman is embarrassed, but Sue comforts her thus: "Even
when I'm writing the stories, I get so turned-on sometimes that I have to stop
typing so that I can reach down and rub my cunt for a big orgasm. And when I
read other people's stories, I usually masturbate. I'm sorry that you feel bad
about what you were doing, and I'm even more sorry that I interrupted you. So
I'm going to leave the room again so that you can finish what you started."
But alas, the woman has a learning disability: she doesn't know how to
masturbate very well. She feels that the characters in Sue's stories achieve
heights of ecstasy that she has never reached. Like a true humanitarian
clinician, Sue reluctantly offers further assistance. The two masturbate in
each other's presence, and her friend learns by observing the genius at work.
The descriptions are hot and vivid. Not only does Sue's friend figure out how
to do it right; I also managed to eliminate a few bugs from my own system.
(However, there are a few things I could teach Sue too.)
This is a really hot story. At the end, we are left with the impression that
Sue's friend will probably get over her inhibitions and with the promise that
we can find out what happened later by reading Sue's next story, "Fun with
Dick and Jane." (Rating: 10)
* "Good Grief" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com). I often hear the refrain, "All those
fuckin' stories on a.s.s. are the same!" Every once in a while, I start to
believe it and think that I have seen (or read about) everything. Then I run
across a story like this to reinforce my belief in creativity. I don't know
what I can tell you about this story without ruining the plot for you. The
action takes place in a cemetery and in a motel shortly after the funeral of
the narrator's close friend. The sex is both tender and hot. You'll just
have to read this excellent story to find out the details.
Ratings "Good Grief"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Guess Who's Coming at Dinner" by Sue. I don't think Emily Post or Miss
Manners has a chapter on orgy etiquette; so maybe this story can fill that
void. The premise of this story is that the narrator has invited ten sensuous
people (herself among them) to participate in an unorthodox dinner party. The
participants will not use their real names, only these nicknames: for the men
-- Viking.... Shiny.... Silver.... Tail.... You (the reader).... and for the
women -- Gold.... Fire.... Earth... Light... and Me (Sue) . Then she explains
that there will be no talk of their occupations, or of the weather. If anyone
wants to talk, it must be about dreams and fantasies. The evening is a
resounding success. The sex is hot and the images are rich. Read it
yourself! "A good time was had by all." (Rating: 10)
* "Here Cums Santa Claus" by Sue. This story centers around the visit of the
lovely and vivacious Sue (who looks and acts a lot like me, although she
apparently has smaller breasts and nipples that respond slightly more slowly
than mine do to gentle caresses) to the mall's Victoria's Secret shop at the
end of a long day of Christmas shopping. Two libidinous female employees
invite her to join the after hours festivities, at which she will become the
Christmas present for the mall's Santa.
I guess I shouldn't spoil the suspense - but the supposed impostor is the real
Santa himself. (This is where Sue departs a little from reality. Her Santa
is not circumcised. He was the last time I made love to him.) Sue has a lot
of fun with the story, replacing the typical descriptions of sexual activity
with terms and metaphors related to the Christmas season. I checked with my
word processor's "find" function, and the word "musky" doesn't appear even
once; and the only time "rod" occurs is in the middle of "strode," "produced,"
and "prodigious" - the latter not in its usual context in a sex story!
Instead, the aroma emanating from his cock is "the delicate fragrance of apple
blossoms and almonds, with maybe a hint of balsam fir." Santa's rotund cock
is deliciously sweet and fruity. And Santa's sweet candy cane drives deeply
into Sue's fiery open hearth. The only image I found to limp a little was
Santa's offer to let Sue ride his North Pole.
Of course, like any depraved a.s.s. writer, Sue skirts the moral issue: what
about poor Mrs. Claus, waiting chastely at home at the North Pole with all
those tiny but horny little elves? Nevertheless, this story managed to get
the vision of Santa's "sugar plum" dancing in my head. This story definitely
put me into the spirit of things. You'll have to read the story to find out
what Santa said as he rose out of sight.
Ratings for "Here Cums Santa Claus"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Into the Woods" by With Sue (suenh@kear.tdsnet.com). Try this pickup line
the next time you encounter a really attractive blonde: "Are you the Sue who
writes erotic stories on the Internet?" If she says yes, then you should
proceed to have pleasantly ecstatic sex with her. If she says no, then say,
"Do you come here often?" or "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place
like this?" or "Either smile or slap me if you'd like to have sex with me."
In the present story a guy named Dave meets the real Sue in the woods and he
tells her that her stories are by far the best on alt.sex.stories - better
than all the drivel that's usually posted there. Such exaggeration is
understandable, since by this time Dave was interested in getting into Sue's
pants or helping her resolve a plot; but Sue's stories are not really quite
that good. They're better than 95% of what's posted here and competitive with
the very best; but this story is based on Dave's pickup line, and so we'll let
his hyperbole stand.
So anyway, Dave tells Sue that "Louvre Love" is his favorite among all her
stories. This is blatantly silly! Aside from "Life's a Beach," "Louvre Love"
is probably Sue's WORST story! Dave's statement is really an insidiously
complicated pickup line. He expects Sue to respond with something like,
"Louvre Love my Lovely Ass! Let me re-enact a scene from Craftsmanship with
you!" By starting with Louvre Love, Dave can eventually get Sue to work
through all of her plots that are better than that one, including "Slippery
When Wet," "Lab Partners", and "Red Hot". Good Grief! That's right - there's
also "Good Grief", "To Serve and Protect" and even "Adventureland", to say
nothing of "Coffee Table", "Fun with Dick and Jane", "Film at Eleven", "Lucy
in the Sky" or the great withSue stories like "Across the Catty Corner" and
"Weekend on the Island."
I was right - or at least close! In the middle of the story, Dave and Sue
decide to work out the plot for a new story called "Into the Woods," which -
surprisingly enough - is this very story that I am now reviewing! Imagine
that! Well, actually they act out the basic details, and then I suppose Dave
or Sue wrote the full story back at the computer.
Ratings for "Into the Woods"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Kachina" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). This is a story about a young woman who
travels by water and by hiking and mountain climbing to a beautiful place in
the remote wilderness and masturbates there before bedding down for the night
in a cave. (Sue adds a few details that make it more interesting than my
preceding sentence.) In the middle of the night she is visited by a Kachina -
an ancestral Anasazi spirit-god that had come back to life. Hey! What can I
say? You're going to read the descriptions of the previous four stories, and
then tell me that this one is unrealistic just because a beautiful blonde
woman has passionate sex with a man old enough to be her ancestor who comes
alive from a painting on a cave wall? Believe what you will. I say, if Peter
Pan can have Tinkerbell and if the Greeks can have Zeus and Aphrodite, then
Sue can have her Kachina!
Sue does an excellent job of integrating the sexual activity with the
surroundings and even with a sensitivity to the ancient Native American
heritage. This was a very good story. (Rating: 10)
* "Lab Partners" by WithSue. Sue was kind enough to send me a copy of this
story before she reposted it. When I saw it posted this morning, I was upset,
because I hadn't finished it yet. So I dug into the rest of the 24 pages
(11,188 words, according to my word count) and was late for breakfast. It was
as good as Sue humbly said it would be. (Now I have to put this out of my
mind and concentrate on summer school.)
The deal here is that Sue loves fantasies and in real life encourages other
authors to respond to her fantasies by finishing or adapting her stories. A
few paragraphs into the story, I realized that Sue herself was the lab partner
working with the two guys. The buildup took a while; but even our anti-Jane-
Austen critic would enjoy the result, I think. (I'd really like to know his
opinion of this one.) This has to be one of the longest orgasms in a.s.s.
history; and I stayed glued to the screen for every minute of it. This may be
a chick story - but what a chick!
Ratings for "Lab Partners"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Liar, Liar" by SueNH (SueNH@aol.com). About a year ago a person with a
warped sense of humor posted a message on a.s.s. stating that SueNH was not a
real person but rather merely a front for an alleged money-making scheme of
some kind. Sue (who I have reason to believe really exists) wrote this story
in retaliation.
The protagonist of the story is a man who gets his sexual kicks by hiding in
anonymity while making untrue statements about beautiful, lusty women who
write hot stories on the Internet. He likes these stories and even jerks off
while reading them, but instead of doing something artistic in return, he
responds in his uncreative, anonymous, cowardly manner. This makes him feel
bigger, more powerful - it provides a kinky sort of sexual turn-on for him.
Just thinking about it makes his cock harden in his jogging shorts as he
begins his run, and his little nipples get hard and show through his T-shirt
as he start to work up a sweat within a block of his house.
Shortly after he starts his run, he spots a beautiful woman jogger. He
follows her and is eventually astonished to discover that she has stopped at
his house and obviously wants to come inside. She enters the house and teases
him sexually, eventually binding him to the bed and revealing herself to be
SueNH, the very person to whom he had directed his cowardly criticism on the
Internet. Sue continues to tease him and brings herself to orgasm several
times. She leaves it up to him to decide whether he'll repent and gain
genuine pleasure or continue to live his miserable, craven existence.
Reality check: This jerk runs five or six miles in about a half hour. I'm in
good shape and can't do that - and I'm usually not encumbered by a hard-on.
If Sue revises this story, she should either drop the distance to 3 or 4 miles
or up the time to 45 minutes.
This is an unusual and interesting story. I don't normally like sexual
violence, and neither does Sue. But no real harm comes to this asshole, and
he deserves the discomfort her gets. People who are familiar with Sue's other
stories (many of which are currently being reposted) will enjoy this story the
most.
Ratings for "Liar, Liar"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Libre Island" by Sharon with Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). Sharon and Sue are not
only the authors but also the protagonists. They are presented as two really
hot, sexy woman who go on vacation together to an island paradise. They meet
Tyla, a beautiful black woman, and her friends; and they engage in some
raucous sexual festivities. That's really all there is to the plot. It's
sort of like those porn movies that none of us admit we watch: a lot of sexual
acrobatics tied together with no real plot. There's little character
development (other than demonstrating that these really are very sexy people),
nor does the author take advantage of the island's atmosphere to add to the
intensity of the sex (as did Deidre Ng in "Aegean Interludes" or as would
occur in a porn movie presentation of the same material). As long as you're
willing to accept the story on these grounds, it's an excellent story. This
story is almost the opposite of the previous one. If you're interested in
exploring personalities and plot development, this may not be for you; but if
you want material to heighten your sexual arousal, this one may do the job.
If what you want is hot sex scenes, this story is full of them in
enthusiastic, explicit detail. (Rating: 9)
* "Life's a Beach" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). This story is not up to Sue's
usual high standards. I found it to be hard to focus on the sexual activity
in this story - which was the only reason to be reading it - because I was
distracted by details and by mistakes in logic and grammar. Part of the
problem is that the story is written in the first person. ("I did this... You
did that...." ) This is sometimes a useful style, but in this case I was
confused by it. For example, when I read at the beginning that the narrator
was wearing a skimpy pink bikini and her friend ("you") a skimpy black
bikini, I assumed I was reading about two females. As I continued with the
story I envisioned one woman giving an erotic massage to another, but then
several paragraphs later I came upon a reference to "shooting semen." So I
reread the earlier passage and concluded that nothing in the text actually
ruled out the theory that the person in the black bikini might be a guy. So I
readjusted my thinking and continued reading the story as one about a
heterosexual couple.
My point is that in some cases, concealing the gender of the characters or
springing a surprise like this may be an effective literary technique; but
this is not one of those cases. The whole idea of this story is to enable the
reader to visualize erotic activities; and here I was over a fourth of the way
through the story, before I suddenly realized I had the wrong picture. I
guess I would have had the correct picture if I had read Sue's earlier story
about the same couple, or if I used my knowledge that Sue is in real life a
really sexy blond bombshell; but I really think it is reasonable to expect a
story to stand alone. Likewise, I guess I could have inferred the gender of
Black Bikini through references to "strong fingers and muscles" - but I've
become so liberated lately that I assume that some female lovers have strong
fingers and muscles.
As another example of confusion, here's a passage from Part 2. {My comments
are bracketed like this.} "The cold water had shrunk your cock up much
smaller that {= than} usual, and it stuck straight out from your crotch . This
contrasted with your balls, which were filled with come {= cum} that had
accumulated during your lotioning of my body. {This just isn't the way it
works biologically. I don't think Masters & Johnson or any other researchers
have ever noted a detectable enlargement of the male scrotum that could be
attributed to increased quantities of semen that accumulated during a single
session of lovemaking. Actually, this would be an optical illusion. The
balls would probably actually *shrink* from the cold; but they would appear
larger in comparison to the penis, which would shrink much more rapidly
(because that's what penises do - engorge and shrink, engorge and shrink, ad
infinitum - or, I suppose, ad minimum). The skin would be stretched tightly
because the outer skin of the scrotum would shrink in response to cold much
more rapidly than the inner contents of the scrotum, which would remain at a
relatively constant temperature. } The skin of your balls was stretched tight
and smooth over the swollen eggs. {I guess the balls are the "swollen eggs."
But, then, I've never seen an egg swell.} It looked somehow cherubic and
beautiful. {Is "it" the skin? I'm just having a hard time envisioning this.
I think of people as being cherubic, but skin?}
Actually, when I look at that passage with all my jargon thrown into it, Sue's
original passage looks a lot better! But I'm pretty sure all that technical
stuff is true. (I got an A on the sex chapter in college biology. My husband
only got a C; but that was before he met me and we studied engorgement and
shrinking together.)
A final problem is that Sue doesn't handle the perspective very well. The
overall format is similar to a letter to her boyfriend - Sue is reminiscing
about what happened on the beach. But she presents some of the details as if
this were the first time he had heard about them. For example: "This was one
of those beach chairs that has those flexible plastic strips running side to
side, forming the seat." The *reader* may need to know this, but the
boyfriend would only need to be *reminded* of it. Just changing the sentence
structure would solve the problem.
Now that I've alienated Sue completely, I might as well add the clincher: The
guy "fucked her avaricious cunt." Avaricious means greedy with a strong
component of miserliness. What kind of a cunt does this woman have? My own
cunt is often voracious, sometimes rapacious, but never avaricious. However,
the paper boy did refer to me as an avaricious cunt last year when I forgot to
tip him.
(Note: It has come to my attention that there is at least one college
composition course in the United States in which students are allowed to
critique stories they find on the Internet. Yes, the students called the
teacher's bluff and brought in some a.s.s. stories; and yes, the teacher did
permit them to do so. He apparently treats these stories just like any other
literature. What a novel idea! He apparently became suspicious when one of
his students read his report to the class and referred to the D&s genre, but
he pronounced it jen-ray. Now the professor reads these reviews to check for
plagiarism. Anyhow, since some people are getting academic credit for reading
this review, I would like to point out that the sentence "Celeste is an
avaricious cunt" contains an example of metonymy. It's a much more
interesting example than "counting noses." The sentence "Celeste is the
goddess of a.s.s." contains either an accurate metaphor or a slight
hyperbole.)
On the bright side, I think this is a great final paragraph for Sue's story:
"I fell asleep wondering whether any of the other people on the beach would
walk by during our nap. What would they have seen -- my cunt dripping semen
down through the slats of the chair, onto your limp cock, which was coated
with streaks of already-dry come -- or would they just have paid attention to
the smug and satisfied smiles on our faces?" Unfortunately, Sue has two
paragraphs after this one. {Am I a bitch today, or what? I think I may
convert to D&s tonight, since I'm already in the femdom mood.}
Sue is a much better writer than this. I'll give her the same advice I have
given other writers. She should read Sue's "Craftsmanship" and imitate that
author's excellent style.
The only reason to download this story is so that you'll have a complete
collection of Sue's works. It's kinda like "Little Dorrit," which would be
completely worthless if it weren't written by the same guy who wrote "David
Copperfield" and "Oliver Twist." (I know a great honeymoon joke about Oliver
Twist, but I don't want to digress.) But anybody that threw away their
original of "Little Dorrit" would rue the day he or she did so.
I have enjoyed Sue's stories so much in the past that I feel compelled to add
an additional paragraph here. Sue numbers her stories. This was Sue's 8th.
"Louvre Love" was her 5th. She's now on her 21st; so this is an old story.
According to my ratings, this story marked the end of the blue (weak) period
of Sue's writing career. Her next story was "Slippery When Wet" - a 10. In
fact, I have reviewed 7 stories written since this one, and the only non-10
was "Adventureland," which received a rating of 8. Assuming my ratings are
valid, this is an astonishing rate of improvement.
Finally, I would like to tell Sue what I think she should do with this story.
<pause for effect> Instead of reposting it and some of her older stories, she
should either hide them or *revise* them. It is my opinion that too few
authors revise their stories; they seem to think that once they've posted a
story it's written in stone. (Note the trite but pithy metaphor.) Not so!
Among examples that I can think of, the Ng sisters have posted revised stories
that have shown considerable maturation of their skills in the revisions.
Likewise, Backrub has revised not only his own stories but occasionally those
of other writers; and the improvements have been substantial. In addition,
the With Sue stories (e.g., "Lab Partners" and "On the Catty Corner") have
almost invariably been excellent - largely, I think, because they go through a
process of substantial revision. If a writer would go to the trouble of
copyrighting a story and publishing it in hardback or paperback with a regular
publisher, I could understand the reluctance to change it. But one of the
advantages of electronic publication is that it's so easy to make changes. If
I ever see this story posted again, I'd like to see it posted as "Sue's 8th
Life's a Beach 2.0." The 2.0 would connote radical changes.
To prove what an excellent critic I am, I suggest that we all read Sue's next
story. If it's another 10 (which is very likely), we'll assume that the
"improvement" resulted from my critique. (Rating: 4)
* "Louvre Love" by Sue. As I started reading this story, I was impressed. I
thought Sue was going to pull off a really erotic story just on the basis of
the art in the Louvre. The girl could look at the guy who's getting a hard-on
while looking at a painting and start blending her thoughts with his. I said
to myself, "I hope she doesn't just have the girl take the guy to the ladies'
room and give him a blowjob." Well, they didn't go to the ladies' room; they
went to an exotic storage room instead. There's a good porn film by Femme (I
don't remember the title; and no, I don't watch a lot of porn) that contains a
sequence of a woman and man in a museum, with the woman fantasizing what she'd
like to do with the man. I was hoping that Sue would do something similar in
this story - bring the protagonists to private orgasms right there in the
museum on the basis of the erotic thoughts they derive from the artwork.
Actually, I'm probably the only one who would like my version of the story.
It must have something to do with those lonely times in high school when the
hottest pictures this horny little girl could get my hands on were the art
paintings with those sensuous gods and goddesses.
Ratings for "Louvre Love"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Lucy in the Sky" by Sue. Sue goes for a short vacation in the Poconos
(that's a "holiday" in the mountains, I think, to you British readers) with
her old friend Lucy. She is suspicious that Lucy is playing matchmaker -
trying to fix her up with a guy. "Naw!" I thought. "Lucy is inviting her to
an orgy." (Having met with success in predicting Deirdre's plots, I had
decided to expand to more complex cases. This one was simple: they will go to
a mountain retreat with Lucy's boyfriend, and the three of them will fuck
their mutual brains out in the great outdoors.) I was so close that I'm going
to give myself a gold star for that prediction. However, even though I "knew"
how the story would end, I found it to be a hot and sexy tale.
Sue again shows her ability to write a "rich" story - one with lots of details
that appear to sometimes appear to be irrelevant but actually add to the story
by developing the personalities of the characters or by setting the physical
or emotional environment for the sexual activities. This is not an easy task;
it's very easy to drift into extraneous details that distract from the story.
Readers don't want an inventory of all the items in the physical environment
or an anthropological description of "a day in the life" of the characters;
and so it's the author's job to decide what to include and what to exclude. I
once received a critical comment from a reader who knocked me for picking on
Friar Dave in "Singapore Girl." My correspondent pointed out that he happened
to know that what Friar Dave said in that story was all true - the way it
"really happened." My reply was that if Friar Dave were writing as an
anthropologist or maybe even as an autobiographer, then he should include
details that have nothing to do with the focus of the story. However, since
Friar Dave was writing a story, he needed to stick more to his focus (as he
does in most of his other excellent stories). At any rate, this ability to
enrich a story without losing balance is one of Sue's main strengths. Authors
who want to enrich their own stories in this way should study Sue's technique.
(Sue herself thinks she writes good stories because she's one hot chick with a
vivid imagination. Not true! It's because she has an ability to enrich a
story without losing balance. Right!)
I encountered some irritating formatting problems with this story: (1) I
frequently encountered the words "Mail" and "Save as..." at strange places
throughout the text. Sue must have some sort of macro with her mailer that
interprets quotation marks as these commands. I simply used my global replace
function to turn these back into quotation marks, and the story was much
easier to read. (2) I noticed that Sue was omitting her apostrophes for
possessives and for contractions. On an impulse, I did a search for
apostrophes in the story and found nary a one of them. Since I am pretty sure
Sue knows about the existence of the apostrophe, I think Sue should check her
mailer, which appears to be deleting or altering some punctuation marks. I
mention this publicly (rather than in a private note to Sue) because this
happens more often than authors may realize. It's a good idea to download
your stories yourself to see what they actually look like to your readers.
Anyway, I resolved not to "take points off" for faulty apostrophes and
quotation marks, but I encourage Sue to look into this when she reposts or
archives this story.
This is an excellent story. The following sentence contains a subtle grammar
problem. Can you tell what it is? "The trail was very rugged, showing little
signs of regular use. " Answer: there should not be an "s" on "signs". The
phrase should be either "little sign" or "few signs." The present sentence
says that there were tiny (little) signs that the trail was used regularly.
(Boy! Are my students in for a rough day tomorrow if I don't have an orgasm
soon!) (Rating: 10)
* "On the Dock" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). Sue goes off for a solitary vacation
in the forests of Maine. Certain that she is alone, she does the furry wild
thing solo by the side of the lake and falls asleep. She is awakened by the
sound of the voices of a couple who have been observing her from a nearby
cabin. She feigns sleep and watches them make love on their dock.
Afterwards, they join her with the promise of additional mutually hot sex.
Sue does her usual good job of describing sexual activities in vivid detail
and of making the sex fit in perfectly with the mood set by the environment.
This is another excellent story.
Ratings for "On the Dock"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Red Hot" by Sue (suenh@kear.tdsnet.com). This story has a build-up that is
itself longer than most of the sex stories on this newsgroup. By the time the
real sex got started, I felt that I actually knew the participants.
Sue serves as an art consultant to an elementary school. She meets with the
teachers and principal; and after school she finds it necessary to accompany
John (the principal) and two of the teachers (Polly and Michael) to the
married couple's house. The chemistry starts to warm up when Michael shows
Sue how to improve her technique at cutting zucchini - a vegetable I have
never before seen mentioned on this newsgroup. The others eventually discover
that this person with them is THE SueNH from the most popular Newsgroup on
Internet. John has practically died and gone to heaven, because not only does
he lurk on alt.sex.stories (which draws him to Sue), but he also is constantly
on the alert for stories and pictures of red-heads (a disability which
attracts him to Polly). Fortunately, John is not also attracted to burly,
male, Eastern European art teachers; and so the prospects for grouping and
groping look good.
When someone suggests that Sue could write a story about their gathering, she
disingenuously suggests that she needs more hints, and then the orgy ensues.
It turns out that red-haired Polly does not object in principle to making it
with her principal when she lets her down, and Michael is especially
interested in Sue now that he has learned that she is one of the three hottest
women on alt.sex.stories. It is only fitting that I end this pun-filled
paragraph with Sue's own award-winning statement about Polly as she went to
work on John: "Normally he was the principal. Tonight she was the
headmistress." And I was so damned pleased with my own humble pun about the
orgy ensuing!
An interesting element of the story is that Sue several times mentions her own
personal distaste for anal sex. She likes to be rimmed, but objects up the
ass tend to strike her as painful. {You know, it's really hard to write this
paragraph without sounding like I'm making puns! But I'm trying to be serious
here.} The effect is really interesting. Sue is actually able to make the
story more erotic by mentioning the kind of sex she is NOT having.
For some reason the formatting of Sue's story has run amuck. There are no
apostrophes at all in the entire story, even though many are called for. In
addition, all the beginning quotes have been changed to "Mail" and the end
quotes to "Save as...". This is really quite annoying. I am certain that Sue
is smart enough not to make these mistakes; but the effect is severely
distracting. I suggest that you use a global change strategy to get rid of
the "Mail" and "Save as..." problem. Somebody out there must know what is
happening. Is everyone getting this mucked up version of the story, or is it
the result of some sort of interaction between Sue's system and my AOL system?
I suggest this possibility, because I found a similar problem in one other
(but not all) of the stories that I downloaded from the postings through AOL
this week. If someone can tell me the solution to this problem, I'll post it
in a future issue. I suspect that a lot of readers and writers would like to
know what to do about this.
Ratings for "Red Hot"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Slippery When Wet" by Sue. I was going to read this story late at night
and write the review right away, but after a story like that I have to take a
break and visit my husband. He's going to wake up with one hot mouth around
his cock! This was a truly erotic story. I can't do it justice by trying to
summarize it - It's about a girl and a guy who get into the fitness center
jacuzzi after closing time. Read the story for the rest.
The only part that I didn't like at first was when they let the three college
kids join them in the jacuzzi. Actually, I liked that part too; but except
for that part, I'd be ecstatic for a chance to do exactly what the two of them
did. Sue has one of the best disclaimer's of all the a.s.s. writers: "Reading
and writing these stories should be acts of fantasy, and I hope that you can
keep your notions of real and fantasy life separate in your mind. I know I
can." And so can I! (Rating 10.0)
* "To Serve and Protect" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). If you read my review of
Sue's "Life's a Beach" in CR 20, you may recall that I theorized that Sue
wrote bad stories before her 8th. Well, either she has renumbered the stories
or I was wrong. This one (her 6th) is one of her best. Sue is driving down a
highway in Maine, mentally reliving some of her recent sexual exploits. The
wind and fresh air have an erotic effect on her and her fingers begin to
wander. Eventually a police pulls her over because of her erratic (or erotic)
driving. The cop is a perfect gentleman, but after he verifies that she's not
dangerous and gives her a stern lecture, he does public relations work with
Sue - if you know what I mean! They don't call those Maine cops Mounties for
nothing. As Sue herself says, "With a cock this big, what need does he have
for a night stick! "
This is Sue at her best: an excellent build-up plus detailed and graphic
descriptions of the actual sexual encounter. If you want an example of
excellent punctuation, you should read this story. Likewise, if you're
studying the impact of Mayan civilization on the modern world economy you
should read this story. You won't necessarily learn a lot about either
punctuation or Mayans, but you'll certainly enjoy a good story. (Rating: 10)
* "A Weekend on the Island" by Anonymous (suenh@kear.tdsnet.com). This was
recently reposted by someone else as simply "On the Island." Sue has
certainly become popular on alt.sex.stories lately. In addition to starring
in the previous story and this one, she has reposted several of her own
stories in the past few weeks; and she was the central figure in my own
"Virtuous Reality." The present story is written in the form of a letter to a
minister from his wife, who has been spending the weekend on an island with
the assistant pastor and Sue and her boyfriend. I guess you could say that
Sue was doing some missionary work, although she was rarely in that position.
This story contains a lot of really hot sex between and among the various
characters. The most serious problem I encountered was that at one point Ross
was staring at Sue with his eyes closed. I think that would be hard to do;
but with Sue all things are possible. Since this is a partially religious
tract, I suppose it is appropriate to conclude with a partially religious
question. Is it more blessed for the pastor's wife to give or to receive head
from the assistant pastor while traveling at 65 m.p.h. on the expressway on
the way home from the island?
Ratings for "A Weekend on the Island"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "You Big, Me Doll" by SueNH (Repost by Bookman Archives
<readebks@wolfenet.COM>). SueNH used to be one of the most prolific and most
popular authors on this newsgroup. I have not seen any new writings by Sue in
nearly a year. I hope she returns: I find her stories often to be a model of
excellent story development. I am also reposting reviews of three more of her
stories that have recently been reposted by Bookman Archives.
The present story is one of Sue's earliest attempts. It describes Sue having a
dream in which her lover is normal size and she has shrunk to the size of a
tiny doll - a la "Honey, I Lost the Kids" or (at a higher level of
sophistication) "Gulliver's Travels." It may sound difficult for an itty
bitty woman to have sex with a huge mother of a guy {note the unusual but
legitimate use of the word "mother"}, but Sue does all right, even without
full vaginal penetration.
This isn't Sue's best story, but it's still interesting. If you want a much
sexier story by this author, try "Craftsmanship," which is reviewed below.
Ratings for "You Big, Me Doll"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
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