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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 174 - April 19
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 174 - April 19, 1997
Note: I received the following e-mail message this week:
"I have just become aware of your reviews. Who are you anyway? Why are you
reviewing the work of others? Do you write anything yourself ? Did anyone ask
you to do this or is this just something you do to keep from actually
contributing something yourself? I ask these questions because from all the
requests for my stories , either from my website or from the other two sites
where my stories are archived, I don't see where your reviews do anything
constructive except maybe send more people looking for my stories. Try
writing. We that do, don't consider ourselves professional but write because
it is something we love to do."
This message suggests to me that the author has found my reviews to be
offensive - he seems to wish that I would stop picking on innocent writers.
I suppose I can (and perhaps should and shall) reply by reposting my FAQ,
but it has never occurred to me that my reviews would be perceived as
offensive to innocent people. I need to know the extent to which this
perception is widespread.
I have received literally thousands of messages. One author called me
something like a stupid asshole because I had given straight 1's to his story
(which he e-mailed to me for review). I had said the story was illiterate
and had no plot, and he angrily asked what was wrong with that? Another time
I received a well-written, detailed letter that vehemently denounced me for
my inability to understand the viewpoint of men who liked to inflict serious
pain on women (or of women who seem to enjoy being degraded). I guess I had
said something like I didn't understand the difference between that kind of
behavior and mental illness or something like that. Other than these, I
honestly don't recall a single unfavorable comment prior to this one.
Of course, whenever I make a grammar mistake, I get messages that point this
out to me. I don't consider these to be hostile; I enjoy them. There's one
especially astute pundit who sends his criticisms in verse. There is another
critic who occasionally posts counter-reviews, in which he praises stories
that I have failed to include on my annual or monthly Top Story lists. Other
than those, the most frequent criticism I get is that I am "too easy" -
meaning that I give high ratings to too many stories.
I suppose what may be most "offensive" is that I often pick a story out of
the postings and review it without the author requesting the review. I try
to select new authors in this way, and many of them write to me to express
their appreciation. The advantage is that many of you readers find out about
these authors through my reviews and begin reading that author yourselves.
However, I suppose if an innocent author posts a story and receives ratings
of, say, 7's and gets criticized for bad grammar, he might feel the way I do
when a stranger walks up to me in a restaurant and tells me that my blouse
doesn't really go with my skirt. My feeling is that if a person publishes
publicly, he/she should expect public criticism, and I really do try to be
polite - especially with new authors. Is this something I should be
concerned about?
The answer to why I write these reviews is because I think it's fun and I
like the feeling that I am contributing to the happiness of others by (1)
giving constructive feedback to authors, (2) enabling readers to find good
stories more efficiently, and (3) supplying advice and incentives for authors
to write better. I have been doing this for about 22 months now, and it is
my opinion that the quality of stories on this newsgroup has improved greatly
in that time. I honestly suspect that my input can account for some of this
improvement.
I have posted only one story myself, and I hesitate to post more. I would
feel self-conscious. If I did want to post some stories, I would probably do
so under another name, so that I would not feel that I was being publicly
scrutinized by people whom I have critiqued. Actually, for all you know, I
may be doing that already. Perhaps I am Plainman or Mike Hunt. If I were
really creative, I would throw you off the track by writing really sexy
stories in a style that I have vehemently and publicly rejected - like
Summer's Rose.
I am not trying to start a public support campaign, and I definitely do not
want people to pick on the person who sent this message to me. He seems to
be a sincere individual who is genuinely miffed at my perceived arrogance.
However, sometimes I go to considerable trouble to read the stories that are
submitted to me and to post these reviews on schedule, and I would like to
know whether it's worth the effort. My plan is to continue reviewing as many
stories as possible that come to me by e-mail and to look for and review
unsolicited stories that I find in the a.s.s. and a.s.s.m. postings. Please
let me know if you think this is a worthwhile endeavor.
Second Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my stories for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Maria in Maine" by Mike Hunt (hot threesome) 10, 10, 10
"Mind Snatchers" by Simon bar Sinister (science fiction)
10, 10, 10
"First Love" by Unknown Author (emerging adolescence)
6, 9, 7
"A Hard Place" by W. Dale Cramer (no sex) 10, 10, 10
"Night Breezes" by Unknown Author (moonlit sex off the beach)
9, 7, 9
"Role Reversal" by Unknown Author (sex with the car hop)
10, 8, 9
"Fast-Acting and Safe" by mandible (unconscious sex) 10, 9, 9
"Homework!" by Dulcinea (schoolgirl sex) 10, 9, 9
"The Long Drive Home by Dulcinea (highway sex) 10, 9, 9
"Heat" by Don Boettger (scientific research on estrus) 9, 9, 9
"Boney" by Darius (spanking) 6, 6, 5
"Dancing in the Rain" by David (sex in the rain) 8, 8, 9
"The Letter" by Dulcinea (love letter) 10, 9, 9
* "Lunchtime!" by Dulcinea (quickie at the restaurant)
10, 10, 10
* "Memories of Summer" by Dulcinea (outdoor sex) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"Maria in Maine" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). When he and his wife
started on a nice trip, the only thing he did NOT want to do was drive 7
hours out of his way to let his wife visit her old college roommate Maria in
upstate Maine. Why's that? Well, in some old pictures he had seen Maria was
about 40 pounds overweight, had bad hair, and didn't shave her underarms.
Still, June had roomed with Maria for two years at Penn State, and they got
along super. And besides, June did give great head under the table (among
other places - see earlier reviews) and so a side trip to Maine was in order.
Well, time has been good to Maria. As the evening wanes, however, Maria
feels bad. She and June have been reminiscing and telling sorority stories
and Mike Hunt has been totally bored. What can they do to include him? What,
indeed! Surprise! They talk about everything from politics to religion to
movies to Mike's own college days.
Much later June mentions how they always used to talk about how they slept
with the same guys. Just not at the same time. Until now.
The threeway develops really nicely. They don't just jump into bed together
- well, they do, but.... You had better read the story yourself. It's a good
one!
Ratings "Maria in Maine"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Mind Snatchers" by Simon bar Sinister (simon@mcstories.com). Using mind
control strategies, two oversexed but underdeveloped rogue aliens
(Mandrarians, to be precise) take Sarah captive, much to the chagrin of her
boyfriend, Roy. Fortunately, Roy himself is rescued by Dima, a beautiful
woman with a Doctor Who British accent who has dedicated her life to freeing
the known universe from Mandrarian control. Roy joins Dima in her crusade,
but while rescuing the women at an aerobics class from the aliens, he
accidentally turns one of the women (Laura) into his sex slave by giving her
the best orgasm of her life with a single touch of his hand. From this
point, Laura's only goal in life is to be blindly obedient and to satisfy the
needs of her Master. Bummer!
This may all sound a little far-fetched, but I saw what I assume was a
documentary recently on late night cable television. It was about a sexy
woman, whose name happened to be Jeanie, who lived in a bottle and responded
to the whims of a person whom she perceived to be her Master and who happened
to be a 60's-era astronaut living in Cocoa Beach, Florida. However, that
Master was a little less creative than this one in his demands.
Roy soon finds himself on the horns of a dilemma: he has to either give into
his carnal desires and let the horny Laura have her way with him or he can
save the universe. I wasn't sure why this dichotomy existed; I thought Roy
should simply save the universe with his faithful sidekick Laura. Roy
eventually comes to the same conclusion, as he and Laura team up with Dima
against the Mandrarians.
Here's the line that lets us know for sure that this is science fiction:
""Paddi, I know that I'm just an engineer while you're a teacher. You play a
much more important role in society and you make a whole lot more money than
I do."
This is a good story: fanciful but hot sex and good humor.
Ratings for "Mind Snatchers"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"First Love" by Unknown Author (gval7904@flash.net). Stories by teenage
authors can be interesting. When they write about "young love," teenage
authors have the advantage of being "young" and perhaps in love. On the
other hand, the often lack perspective and the ability to express themselves
really well. Sometimes this simplicity of expression enhances the story,
sometimes it doesn't.
Of course, we all know that the disclaimers at the beginning of nearly all
the stories on this newsgroup prohibit teenagers from even reading these
stories, and I presume that prohibition is strictly enforced. Therefore,
I'll assume that this story is written by an adult who wants to give the
impression that it is written by a teenager. Got that?
Aside from stylistic problems, this is a simple retelling of a story that has
happened and has been told thousands of times. The 15-year-old boy and the
14-year-old girl are in love and make love for the first time while she is
babysitting. The story is realistic and sexy. The kids do not use any
protection. She assumes that since he loves her that he won't give her any
form of STD and they naively don't give any thought to pregnancy. In the
real world the word for this is stupid, but I presume we are operating here
in the fantasy world where pregnancy and AIDS don't exist. However, even if
we put this story in the real world, this really is the way young teenagers
often think and act with regard to sexual behavior.
When I was 14, my mother told me I was too young to have sex. When I asked
when I could make love to someone, she said after college, when I got
married. It sounded like a long time. I stayed busy with sports and studies
and cheerleading. I learned to kiss, to neck, to masturbate, and to
fantasize.
Aside from religious principles, the main reason NOT to do what the two kids
do in this story is because it will be hard to stop. What in the world are
these two kids going to do for an encore? They believe that they will be in
love forever. Kids often really do express that belief, but this is not very
probable - or even desirable. I know lots of my young friends who started
sex very young, and the simple fact is that they just aren't (on the average)
as happy now as are my friends who waited until they were older. There are
exceptions, of course; but they ALL assumed they would be the exception.
Anyway, this story does a good job of presenting teen sex from a teen
perspective. I thought it was simultaneously beautiful, sexy, and sad.
By the way, this is not the same story as the one with the same title (also
by an Unknown Author) that received my award for Top Story of 1996. That
story was much longer and more thoroughly developed than this one.
Ratings for "First Love"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"A Hard Place" by W. Dale Cramer ( A+ Story). This story is labeled "no
sex." Sometimes that means no explicit sex - only tame stuff. This time it
means no sex, literally. This is an excellent story about the dangers of
mining and the mindset of the men who work in the mines. It has nothing
whatsoever to do with the topic of this newsgroup.
Ratings for "A Hard Place"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Night Breezes" by Unknown Author (Looker 2). This is a brief vignette about
a woman who is in the water off a beach on a moonlit night when she is joined
and fucked by a naked stranger. It's not very long, but it is very sexy.
This was reposted as "Looker 2" by the THC Archives. If anyone knows
anything about the identity of this author, I would certainly like to hear
from you. There's also a "Looker 1 (For Her)," which I have previously
reviewed, and "Looker 3 (Role Reversal)", which I review next.
Ratings for "Role Reversal"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Role Reversal" by Unknown Author (Looker 3). This story is about a lady who
dresses very enticingly to go to a party in the nearby city. She stops for a
hamburger on the way. When she sees the bulge she has evoked in the pants of
the kid who delivers the food, she says fuck the party and then fucks the
kid. It's short but pretty sexy stuff.
This was reposted as "Looker 3" by the THC Archives. If anyone knows anything
about the identity of this author, I would certainly like to hear from you.
There's also a "Looker 2 (Night Breezes )" and "Looker 1 (For Her)," which I
have previously reviewed.
Ratings for "Role Reversal"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Fast-Acting and Safe" by mandible (jawbone"@ass.com). Billy is a bit put
off, because he has discovered that Susan has been dating him for his car and
his parents' money. On the other hand, he can't really complain, since he's
a dork and has been dating her because of her tits. Imagine that. Until
now, he has been reserved and polite; but because of Susan's attitude
problem, Billy gives her some date rape pills and plays around with her
sexually and videotapes the session while she's unconscious. When she wakes
up, she likes him better, because she is horny and he looks more aggressive.
Says Susan: "I wish I had a camera right now. You should see your face!" "I
guess I will - later," thinks Billy.
Ratings for "Fast-Acting and Safe"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Homework!" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). The guy is finished with a
hard day's work, when his wife approaches him in what appears to be a
traditional Catholic schoolgirl's uniform and asks for a ride home. The
dirty old man does awful things to the sweet, innocent young lady. The title
arises from the fact that she considers the activity to be homework for her
sex education class.
I used to wear one of those uniforms. Do you think the nuns had even the
vaguest idea that they were setting us up as sex objects when they made us
dress like that?
Ratings for "Homework!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Long Drive Home" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). After an enjoyable
weekend the man and wife are making the long drive home on an interstate
highway. She turns up the radio to fight off white-line fever, and this
wakens the husband, who begins to fondle her. I suspect that the author
originally planned to have them go all the way with a hand job in the fast
lane. I've done that myself, but with my husband driving and giving it to me
in the passenger seat and in broad daylight. The author's (and my own)
social consciousness and concern for safety would not encourage doing this to
the driver or at night. In other words, fucking while driving is probably as
dangerous as drinking while driving.
A final note: if you're falling asleep at the wheel, it may be enjoyable to
have a nice restful orgasm, but that's not really likely to help you stay
awake. Instead, listen to that talk show by that idiot who rants against
pornography. I just talk back to him and his callers, and that keeps me
awake all night long.
Ratings for "The Long Drive Home"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Heat" by Don Boettger (A+ Story). The term "heat" refers to the fertile part
of the female reproductive cycle in some animals, often accompanied by the
release of chemical attractants called pheromones which produce the
well-known reaction in the males of the species. We usually apply the term
to humans only in a metaphorical sense. Reading these stories and writing
these reviews may make me horny, and my husband my say I act like I am in
heat; but actually I technically do not fit the definition of being in heat -
indeed, I am often not even fertile, and I am capable of engaging in many
complex behaviors (aside from chewing gum) which would be improbable for an
animal in estrus.
To be (sort of) serious (but just for a moment), how would we describe the
human female. Is it correct to say that she is NEVER in heat? Or would it
be more accurate to say that she is ALWAYS in heat? This is the basic set-up
for the story. The scientists (a man and a woman, oddly enough) have
discovered a drug that hastens the onset of estrus in animals, but they are
uncertain what effect (if any) it will have on humans.
To test the drug on humans, Gaby impulsively takes a dose. The other
scientist is a real humanitarian: he agrees to hang around Gaby while she
might go into heat - just to make sure nothing happens to her, of course.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, this all takes place in Hawaii - on a moonlit
beach, to be precise. They don't exactly make love all night long: they
fuck, copulate like the pre-human animals they have become, driven by
instinct and need rather than desire. This is an obviously undesirable
situation. It eventually takes Lysol spray to get rid of his erection.
The story is not as sophomoric as I have made it sound. Actually, the story
takes an interesting idea and explores it in a creative manner. It's a very
good story!
Ratings for "Heat"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Boney" by Darius (darius@cancom.net). The full title of this story is
"Boney Asking Darius for a Good Spanking March 24, 1997." Boney is the name
of a young lady who has behaved despicably by failing to write to Darius at
least twice a week. When they meet in Manila, she respectfully promises to
do better and requests that he spank her severely to help her remember. He
explains the rules very carefully to her. Then he spanks her. Then he makes
love to her. Then they live happily ever after.
In most courtrooms in the Western World, this behavior is known as Grounds
for Divorce. Even in the Catholic Church, which does not permit divorce,
this is known as Grounds for Annulment. However, on
alt.sex.stories.spanking, this is known as a Sexy Story. Go figure.
I HAVE read stories involving spankings that were sexy. This story is not
awful, but what it really does is present a sort of essay on the Virtues of
Spanking in the context of a really simple plot. I think maybe people who
are into spanking will recognize some sort of ritual here, but my reaction
was, "Why would this be fun?"
Ratings for "Boney"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Dancing in the Rain" by David (david@innercite.com). The guy goes out to
luxuriate in the rainstorm. When he sees a woman dancing in the park, he
makes passionate love to her. That pretty much summarizes the plot, but it's
a lot more interesting than it sounds. The story is almost poetic in its
intensity.
A brief comment - both this and the preceding story describe things I
personally would not do in real life. That is, I am neither going to submit
myself to a man who will spank me abusively nor make love to a stranger
during a summer downpour. A major difference between the two stories is that
the present story makes the activity sound a heck of a lot more interesting
to me as an outsider. There's probably a lesson here somewhere.
Ratings for "Dancing in the Rain"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Love Letter" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). This is a hot love
letter. There's not much to say about it. If you love someone and are not
very articulate, just make the proper insertions and deletions and send this
to your True Love. Of course, then you'll have to produce on what you've
promised.
Ratings for "The Love Letter"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Lunchtime!" by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com). Some people need to break
major taboos in order to get a thrill. They need to have anal sex with a
parent or sibling or at least torture a nun. For my part, this story is
taboo enough for me. The very idea of making my husband late for work by
seducing him at lunchtime is all the taboo I can handle right now. And
Dulcinea tells the story so nicely!
Ratings for "Lunchtime!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Memories of Summer" by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com). The couple share
memories of the past summer while they look at the photographs that she just
picked up. The favorite memory focuses on a refreshing encounter in a very
cold lake. This is a brief, well-written, sexy, romantic story. It's
interesting that extremely cold water has a positive effect on a woman's
nipples and a negative effect on a man's penis. You math teachers out there
ought to think about this as an example of an inverse relationship.
When she learned from my FAQ that I have athletic proclivities, a reader sent
me this comparison of running and sex. The first line after each heading
describes running, and the second line describes sex. I thought this was
somehow pertinent to the present review, since the story features athletic
activity of sorts.
Useful Fabric
Coolmax
Latex
Best place to do it
Outdoors
Outdoors
Reasons to do it alone
High-Quality reflection time
Don't have to buy someone dinner
Length of typical session
30 to 60 minutes
30 to 60 seconds
Mystical connection
If done right, see God
If done right, say "God"
Teenager's view
When can I stop?
When can I start?
How to get better
Read about others
Watch others
Longtimer's frequency
Daily
Monthly
Goal
Go faster
Go longer
Good shoes
Essential
Optional
Solution for tight leg
Take day off
Take clothes off
Body fat
Too much gets in the way
Too much gets in the way
Questionable source of advice
Jim Fixx
Dr. Ruth
Stretch
Frequently
Marks
Crosstraining Equipment
NordicTrack
Nordic Blonde
Ultimate goal
Peak at the right time
Peak at the right time
What to do between sessions
Have sex
Run
Ratings for "Memories of Summer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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