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Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 232 - Nov 8
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Celestial Reviews 232 - November 8, 1997
Note: I am giving up on tracking down author's addresses. If you don't put
your name and address ON THE MANUSCRIPT, I am no longer going to bother
tracking it down for you.
Second note: Mark Bastable has written a new story and has also reposted all
his old ones. I am reviewing the new one and reposting all the old reviews.
Welcome back, Mark! I'm looking forward to "L."
Third note: I had a joke set for this "third note" slot, but in light of the
recent flare-up regarding two of my favorite people on a.s.s.d., I suppose I
should move the humor to the next issue and make a brief comment here. Many
readers have already offered constructive input, but I thought I should at
least mention the issue here.
I am going to go into my Matriarch mode for the duration of this note. Then
I'll return to my Sex Goddess mode for the rest of this issue. I have very
little actual authority in either mode, but occasionally something I say
makes sense. So here goes.
First, let me tell you both, if you read this, what I would tell my daughter
under the same circumstances: "Get a grip! Take this whole episode as a
growth experience and get on with your lives." My daughter would tell me to
take a flying fuck at the moon, but then she would let some time pass, get a
grip, and take it as a growth experience. I hope you do the same. This is
not to say anyone's problem is unimportant, but let's try to keep things in
perspective.
Second, don't do anything really stupid when you are really upset. Count to
ten or have sex with someone really nice and let some time pass. If you wind
up doing something you later regret, consider the possibility of undoing it.
You don't always have to live with your mistakes - sometimes you can correct
them.
Third, be realistic. Don't be naive! Not everything on a.s.s.d. is what it
seems to be. Some of the "true" stories are not really true; some of them
aren't even POSSIBLE. But if Mike Hunt is really the Weasel who writes
anonymous reviews under the name Piper and then denounces himself, who is he
really hurting? I myself am comfortable relating to people on this newsgroup
with the assumption that they are who they say they are. Of course, all I do
is read dirty stories and give grammar advice, so my risks are low. However,
I think all you readers should be sophisticated enough to realize that
somebody out there might be playing a game by different rules than you are.
Protect yourself!
Finally, I consider you both to be my friends, and I hope to see you around
here again. If you go away, you'll miss us, and we'll miss you.
By the way, if you have no idea what I am talking about, either read a.s.s.d.
between SHIT IN MY FACE!!! and BARBIE IS WAITING - or better yet, ignore this
note.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Stabat Mater" by Zealot McCarthy (pedophile fantasy)
8, 9, 5
"Ruthie Rabbit and the Hounds" by DANTE (bestiality & snuff)
9, 9, 0
"Down the Aisle" by Frenchy the Third (manipulation)
8, 8, 8
"The Elaboration" by Oscar Paco (nudity & hedonism)
10, 10, 10
"My Brother" by Janet L. Dunning (very friendly adult incest)
10, 10, 10
"K" by Mark Bastable (passing judgment on a dissolute life)
10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Lost Passion" by H.D. Meister (mutual masturbation)
7, 8, 7
"The Birthday Party" by Losgud (romantic birthday weekend)
8, 8, 9
"Greatheads Come Together" by Unknown Author (hot sex
plus outrageous farce) 9, 8, 10
"So Shy" by Scott Sanders (young love) 9, 10, 10
"The Vendor of Coconuts" by F. L. Byrste (insipid sex)
"DS9: Body of Evidence" By Alan C. McD (sci fi sex) 8, 10, 7
"Awakening Jennifer" by Sabina GA (lesbian awakening)
6, 7, 6
Reposted Reviews:
* "Auditor" by Mark Bastable (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
* "Bean City" by Mark Bastable (bdsm) 10, 10, 10
* "Catalyst" by Mark Bastable (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
* "Dutch Treat" by Mark Bastable (tawdry encounter) 10, 10, 10
* "Escalator" by Mark Bastable (brief encounter) 10, 9, 9
* "French Tickler" by Mark Bastable (sex on a bus) 10, 10, 10
* "Glissando" by Mark Bastable (very hot non-sex) 10, 10, 10
* "Hotel" by Mark Bastable (bdsm) 10, 10, 10
* "Interpreter" by Mark Bastable (sexual innuendo) 10, 10, 10
* "July 4" by Mark Bastable (public quickie) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Stabat Mater" by Zealot McCarthy (nobody@REPLAY.COM). The author states up
front that English is not his native language. This presents some minor
problems, but overall the result is a very simple use of the language that
adds to the straightforwardness of the narrative.
The story describes a man going to a cathedral to listen to a musical
presentation in which his favorite little girl will sing as part of the
choir. He fantasizes that she joins him for sex during the recital. She
doesn't, but he comes anyway.
I originally assumed that the story might have something to do with the
"Stabat Mater," which is a traditional Latin song about Mary at the foot of
the Cross of Jesus. However, as far as this story is concerned, the title
has no meaning beyond the fact that this was the song the choir was singing
while the man was fantasizing.
This is not the kind of story that most readers of this newsgroup usually
enjoy; but it does give a reasonable representation of the mind of confused
man who is lusting after an innocent little girl.
Ratings for "Stabat Mater"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Ruthie Rabbit and the Hounds" by DANTE. There's a really good mainstream
story entitled "The Most Dangerous Game" by Richard Connell, in which madman
captures and hunts human prey. In that story the human prey manages to turn
the tables on his insane predator.
In this case we have a woman being hunted down, sexually mistreated,
mutilated, and killed. I'd like to think the author is being satirical -
pointing out that only a person with no life or brains would enjoy a story
like this. I must have a life or brains or something, because I didn't enjoy
this story even a little bit.
Ratings for "Ruthie Rabbit and the Hounds"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 0
"Down the Aisle" by Frenchy the Third. The narrator of this story claims to
have built the woman he intended to marry into the ideal sextoy for himself,
both physically and emotionally.
The story consists of a detailed description of the manipulations through
which the narrator gets his bride-to-be primed for the wedding and for their
life of bliss together. He uses his powers of persuasion to get Tawny to
agree to his Five Basic Conditions; and sure enough, she agrees; and sure
enough she becomes ecstatically happy as a result of her submissiveness to
this wonderful stud. Of course, she has no comparable demands for him; but
hey, if one's stud is going to take care of one, why should one make demands?
I suspect guys will enjoy this story more than ladies will.
Ratings for "Down the Aisle"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
DG (appeal to reviewer): 8
"The Elaboration" by Oscar Paco (OscarPaco@aol.com). The title of this story
refers to the gradual steps in the development of the hedonistic relationship
between a middle-aged man and two lovely young ladies. After his divorce the
man initially becomes interested in nude sunbathing himself, and then he
meets the young ladies on the beach and becomes especially attracted to one
of them. Slowly they become closer and eventually engage in sexual
activities. The timing of the story and the descriptions of the activities
are very well done. This is a very nice story.
Ratings for "The Elaboration"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
DG (appeal to reviewer): 10
"My Brother" by Janet L. Dunning with help from Friar Dave
(Friar_Dave@mhbbs.com). This exceptionally well-written story comes to us
through the eyes of a woman who has barely graduated from college and who is
visiting her older brother. She becomes attracted to her brother and also to
the woman whom his brother is dating. Meanwhile, she dates that woman's
brother, and the cad tries to date rape her. When she brings this news home
to her brother and his date, they comfort her and make tender love to her.
She eventually develops a long-term, loving relationship with her brother,
with occasional visits from the other woman. It's all very sexy.
I found this story listed as "Dunning" in a.s.s. Friar Dave claims it was
written by someone else (Janet Dunning), with a little help from him for the
finishing touches. This may be true, but it certainly reads like one of
Friar Dave's better stories.
Ratings for "My Brother"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
DG (appeal to reviewer): 10
"K" by Mark Bastable (markb@aboy.demon.co.uk). This author is writing one
story for each letter of the alphabet. Although having a character named "K"
sounds like a really lazy approach to meeting the K requirement, this is
still a very good story.
David K has been arrested an is on trial in the court of morality for his
sexual sins, which are summarized in an interesting manner. Eventually even
he begins to agree that maybe he was a bit of an asshole; but he realizes
that if he throws himself at the mercy of the court, he may get off easy <g>.
He does, but he doesn't. I can't give you the details. Just remember:
"Jesus H Christ, nobody's responsible for promises made in the throes of
lust. Nobody believes that stuff."
Ratings for "K"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
DG (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Lost Passion" by H.D. Meister (dez187lm@hotmail.com). Guest review by Mark
Aster.
This is basically a nice friendly sex story, about a guy who is looking
forward to a nice solitary night of jerking off to dirty movies when a
lesbian friend invites herself over, and they end up masturbating together
and generally having a good time.
But there's all this other odd STUFF in it that I don't understand, and that
detracts seriously from the effect. Possibly the stuff has to do with some
fetish that I'm not familiar with, or some personal fantasy of the author's,
or perhaps this is part of a longer novel or something. I dunno.
For instance, the author on the one hand wants to build up a certain sexual
tension here, as though masturbating in front of each other would be an
exciting forbidden new thing. But on the other hand the second sentence we
hear him say to her is "Just don't be shocked when I whip out Gunny and pound
pud." So it's pretty clear that their relationship isn't exactly
characterized by delicacy and restraint.
The narrator also refers to "Mack90" many times; it seems to be some magical
method of controlling women by talking in the proper tones, or of mind-reading
, or perhaps it's a spirit that lodges in his head and helps him do the right
thing in tough situations. Or something. He apparently got it from his
father. And it actually plays no important role at all in the story; nothing
the two characters do needs a magical or supernatural explanation. But the
author keeps bringing it in anyway.
The diction and spelling are uneven. In the midst of a rather explicit
scene, the narrator suddenly thinks "sleep with her", when he actually means
"ball/screw/fuck her", and the euphemism is distractingly funny. At one
point we have the text "I always wondered what it would feel like to run my
tongue across the whit-hot lfesh beneath the thick hair thish struggled
valiantly to hide a woman's wonder." Now it's possible that that line got
mangled in transit by some computer, but I suspect that the story just needs
spell-checking.
The title also seems to have no bearing on the story, unless I'm missing
something very key...
Well, I'm nattering. I'll only mention one last oddity, because it struck me
as so funny: "I sat in one of the two recliner chairs in my livingroom
smoking on a ten dollar cigar and sipping on a forty ounce malt liquor
(yeah... I'm black)". Now I guess I'm just naive, but that last
parenthetical phrase there had me giggling pretty hard. Are we supposed to
have inferred his race from the chairs, the cigar, or the liquor? Ah well,
at least it wasn't watermelon or fried chicken...
Anyway, I would have enjoyed this story much more without the odd
pseudo-magical and mind-reading baggage, as just a simple story of two
friends enjoying each other's company. But what can you do?
(I'll do numbers, but be warned that I'm probably a tougher grader than
Celeste, even when I'm trying to roughly mimic her numbering.)
Ratings for "Lost Passion"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 8
Aster (appeal to reviewer): 7
"The Birthday Party" by Losgud (lushgod@hotmail.com). Guest Review by DG.
I reviewed a story by losgud a while back, and while I liked the story, I
complained about the jumpy, stream-of-consciousness style, which I found a
little distracting. In this story, the author has reduced the aimless
rambling and concentrated on the narrative, and the result is, in my opinion,
a better story.
The narrator and his wife have birthdays a week apart, and he is trying to
arrange a romantic birthday weekend alone without the kids. But his sister
seems determined to ruin his plans. First she refuses to look after the
kids. Then, when he finally gets everything arranged, she comes over to
visit with his wife and refuses to leave. I don't think any longtime a.s.s.
readers will be astonished to find out what happens next, but suffice it to
say that the weekend lives up to expectations after all.
Losgud has a flippant, casual narrative style that I enjoy, and I found the
sex in this story to be quite arousing. There's nothing spectacular about
this story, but it's a good, sexy read.
As a side note, losgud mentions that this may be his last story, because he
feels he is wasting his time and isn't getting much feedback. Although I
feel as an a.s.s. author that the writing has to be its own reward, there is
something very uplifting about receiving email from people who enjoyed your
stories, and if losgud isn't getting any (pun intended) I can see why he
would get discouraged.
Ratings for "The Birthday Party"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
DG (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Greatheads Come Together" by Unknown Author. Guest review by Bronwen.
The narrator, his wife and her sister are an item, or at least they become
one soon after the story begins. Greathead is his wife's maiden name - guess
why they keep it? Once established, the happy trio enjoy a long sequence of
episodes fucking, sucking and buggering anyone who's passing. Some totally
preposterous situations occur.
It's a blast. But it's a real mix. Some things the author describes
convincingly, a moment later I'd have a strong impression he didn't know of
what he wrote. So it's realism mixed with uninformed fantasy, excruciatingly
funny at times, banal at others. Hot sex plus the most outrageous farce. A
lot of the time it's like playing Twister in your mind's eye - so many
participants doing so much. I lost track of limbs and orifices several times.
I guess 'patchy' is an understatement but the good bits are brilliant. I'd be
losing interest, then he'd put in a great joke and I'd perk up. Some of our
cheery narrator's lines are wonderful. Here's just two:
"Okay," I said. "Everybody off the bed! Anyone who's still on the bed when
I count 3 gets cornholed." and "..by the time I got the horse suit off, the
pizza boy was gone and it was dinner time."
Unmissable, really....
Ratings for "Greatheads Come Together"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 10
"So Shy" by Scott Sanders. Guest review by Dart.
Scott and Jenny are a couple of high school kids. Jenny is extremely shy;
Scott is intrigued. He approaches her, and discovers the reason for her
shyness is a bad stuttering problem. A problem he once suffered from himself,
and a problem that still, under stress, occasionally reasserts itself. He
tries to help her but is unsuccessful. Nevertheless, they become friends. He
asks her out, and she accepts. They go to a movie; he's thrilled to hear her
laugh at it. Then they eat, and park, and explore each other. Pretty
straightforward stuff, but the loveliness of the story is in the details.
The plot is very believable, and the characters, especially Jenny, are nicely
drawn. There is a point, when Scott first offers himself, sexually, to Jenny
that he seems just a little out of character, a little harsher, a little more
cavalier, than I expected. Still, if you've a teenaged daughter, this is a
young man you'd be happy to have her date.
Finally, the story could have used a very light proofreading. That could have
removed, a misspelling, an unneeded word, a harsh sentence, the few defects
in the story.
Ratings for "So Shy"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Vendor of Coconuts" by F. L. Byrste (flbyrste@thevortex.com). Guest
review by Tooshoes.
A couple of weeks ago, Celeste reviewed a few stories written by authors from
India, some of which were quite good.
So I was looking forward to reading The Vendor of Coconuts, from another
Indian author. I was curious what differences I might find in Indian sex
stories. Maybe I would even learn something about the erotic wisdom of the
Kama Sutra. I hoped to meet new people, and learn new ideas about sexuality.
Unfortunately, I didn't get any of that in Coconuts, which only taught me
that bad sex stories exist the world over.
The sex was certainly plentiful and profane enough, exceeding the recommended
daily allowance of obscenity, but it came in relatively flavorless doses. I
had never before been so bored by the lengthy descriptions of perfect bodies
bouncing off each other. The style and the characters were mechanical, with
no real life or creativity. Noun watched Direct Object. Noun got hot. Noun
fucked Direct Object adverbally up the ass.
Most of the dialog in Coconuts came in sound effects rather than words. For
example, when a woman climaxed, she would scream something like "OHHHHHHHHH
unhhh OHHHHHH OH OH OH ahhhhh YES Ahhhhhhh". I think this kind of dialog
works much better if you are reading the story aloud.
Maybe the best way to describe Vendor of Coconuts is as the novelization of a
would be porno flick. All of the characters were porn star actors and
actresses (not including the coconut vendor), so perhaps it's not surprising
that this story resembled a porn movie -- lots of standard sex scenes with
little to no characterization or plot.
So if an exotic setting with lots of action and good lighting (or in this
case, good spelling) is all you crave, this may be the story for you.
"DS9: Body of Evidence" By Alan C. McD (18157818@msn.com). Guest review by
Kim.
Well, this is a first for me. This was the first story that I actually
volunteered for. Perhaps I should explain that normally Celeste just sends
them unasked for and I review them. This time she happened to mention that
she had a long Star Trek story, and was anyone interested. Being a devout
trekker (well, not to the extent of wearing pointy ears and going to
conventions, but... ) I love all the incarnations. My favorite being Voyager.
God, I would love so much to be Captain Janeway... hmmmmmm. Oh, sorry, where
was I? Ah yes, the story.
What we have here is a long, leisurely tale of the bad dreams being suffered
by the gorgeous Jadzia Dax, the Trill from Deep Space Nine, the beleaguered
ex-Cardasian space-station that guards the entrance to the worm hole, that
leads to the dreaded Delta Quadrant, where the... Oh hell, I'm rambling
aren't I? <sigh>.
Anyway, Jadzia goes to see the handsome Doctor Bashir and confesses she can't
sleep because she's been suffering these intensely erotic dreams. Er, excuse
me, but if she's dreaming isn't she asleep? No, matter.
Bashir induces a sleep state in her and we journey into the twilight world of
space-station sex. There follows long, turgid descriptions of Jadzia screwing
Captain Sisko, Doctor Bashir, and Quark, the Ferengi bar keeper. Several
times over. There's even a finale of lesbian passion with Major Kira Nerys,
the station's spunky Bajoran second in command, licking up all the collective
semen pumped on, and in, the dazed Dax.
It all ends with a large dose of satisfying techno-babble, involving
telepathic alien babes, or some such. very Star Trek.
Was it worth reading? Well, maybe. It's unfortunate that the author manages
to makes the sex so lazy. I don't mean it's badly written, it's just so
s-l-o-w, you find your mind wondering, which is crazy for a supposedly hot
sex romp.
So, something of a missed opportunity. Maybe next time, Alan. Just speed up
the sex scenes, please.
Ratings for "DS9 Body of Evidence"
Athena (technical quality): 8 (Well written, but *DULL* sex scenes)
Venus (plot & character): 10 (The characters come ready made,
the plot's interesting)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 7 (Could have been great. I stayed
resolutely dry)
"Awakening Jennifer" by Sabina GA (SabinaGA@aol.com). Guest Review by The
Wease1 (thewease1@cyberjunkie.com). Note: That's a number "1" not a letter
"L" at the end of Wease1.
This story, Sabina's second posting to ASSM, is about a divorced woman named
Jennifer who decides to indulge herself in enjoyment of her true lesbian
sexual identity during a week when her teenage son is away from home visiting
Dad. She begins by masturbating in the TV room, then again in the bathtub,
while dreaming of beautiful women. The next day she goes on a shopping spree
and meets a younger woman, who flirts with her a little bit. Then the story
ends.
The foregoing plot summary is not only to help you decide whether or not you
want to read this story, but also to help you understand the story on first
reading if you do decide to read it. Sabina may have an interesting story to
tell here, but her method of telling it makes it a little difficult to
follow.
The first four paragraphs are primarily introduction of the character, but
the tense switches around from past to past perfect to present, making it
difficult to determine whether the events narrated are recent past, ancient
history, or just the past tense "present" commonly used in most stories.
Sabina finally settles down to standard past tense narration once the action
gets going, and the story is easier to follow from that point on.
These narrative problems, plus several simple and easily noticeable
grammatical errors that should have been corrected on proof-reading, made me
feel that I was reading a first or at best second draft, and earned the story
its 6 rating on technical quality.
I gave this story a 7 rating for plot and character, because although the
reader learns quite a number of facts about the title character, these facts
are almost entirely surface matters that do not tell much about who the
character really is. The other character, the young lady at the end of the
story, might as well be a cardboard cutout -- she is young and petite and
borrows clothes from her roommate, and is only in the story for the final few
paragraphs, say maybe five minutes of story-time. That leads me to another
problem with this story - the plot, or lack thereof. If this young lady is
intended to a player in the sexual awakening of Jennifer, as implied by the
title, then it seems to have cut off a bit too early. If the young lady has
no role other than the lines she is given, then she is extraneous and the
story should have ended several paragraphs sooner.
As a reader, I hope that Sabina will rewrite to clarify her narrative and to
fix the grammatical errors. I also hope that she will expand this story a bit
to tell us more about Jennifer and the young girl that she meets. Sabina's
writing style and imagery show promise, and I don't want to mislead anyone
into thinking that this is a bad story - if it were really crap I'd say so,
and I'd give it much lower ratings than 6 and 7 on the first two categories.
If this sounds like the type of story you would like, then I urge you to read
it, and to write to Sabina with the feedback that she requests. Maybe she'll
decide to do that rewrite and extend this story into something really good.
The final rating, appeal to reviewer, is the most subjective and was a real
problem for me with this story. The story just didn't do anything for me, and
I had to decide whether that was due to my lack of interest in the subject
matter in general, or just my reaction to this particular story. Although I
don't seek out FF as a category to read, I realized upon reflection that I
have read and enjoyed several FF stories or FF scenes in stories that I was
reading not as part of that category, but just because of who had written
them. This story just wasn't as appealing, and I wish I could say why. I
finally decided to give it a 6 on this rating.
Ratings for "Awakening Jennifer"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 7
Wease1 (appeal to reviewer): 6
Story: Dirty Amber
by Mary Jorsay Gandmar <maryjg@finebody.com>
Review by Wherryman
I don't subscribe to a.s.s.d - I wish I could as I miss the chance to
discuss the stories but the spam there is overwhelming. Hence I missed
some less than flattering remarks about my review for 'New
Orleans' until I was looking for something in Dejanews.
I take it some people didn't agree with me. No problem - re-reading it
*I* don't entirely agree with me but if we didn't open our mouths
occasionally we'd have nowhere to put our feet.
As a reviewer I don't pretend I'm doing anything other than presenting
what was my opinion at the time I read the story. I imagine that people
will find that they either agree with me sometimes, and may then read or
miss stories accordingly, or mainly disagree - in which they will take
what I write with a healthy dose of skepticism.
In the case of New Orleans I must have been in a particularly pedantic
mood when I read it and if I was marking it now it would score higher.
My main concern is not the flaming - I may sulk for a bit but I've got a
thick skin - but that I may have unintentionally discouraged an author.
It's no good Celeste promoting the Blow Job Principle if a less than
careful review undoes the good work. Lesson learnt - pause before
posting.
No such problems with Dirty Amber - one of several Indian stories that
have been posted recently by different authors. I had already read some
of them and they are certainly hot, well written stories. However they
all left me feeling slightly unsatisfied, being more in the way of
descriptive episodes than proper stories.
Dirty Amber seems to start the same way, with a very erotic description
of an encounter between Sayali and a gigolo; other men are watching
including her husband, Suresh. But because Dirty Amber is much longer
- posted in 4 parts - it can take the time to tell more of a story. We
learn how Sayali and Suresh married and how their relationship changes,
and Suresh's business prospers, when Sayali not only reveals the details
of her earlier life but incorporates it into their life together.
All the Indian stories are worth reading but I think they would benefit
from more variety in the format - Dirty Amber does this and is better
for it.
Finally let me say how sorry I am to lose Kim from our little family at
a.s.s.*. I will miss both the stories and the reviews that she posted
but wish her well. I was in the middle of an interesting correspondence
with her which will now have to be curtailed.
Rating for Dirty Amber:
Technical merit 9
Plot & character 9
Appeal to reviewer 9
--- end review----------------
--
Jean
* "Auditor" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). This is the second story I
have read from the Alphabet series by this author. I plan to review them all
- one each issue, which should mean 13 weeks for the whole alphabet; but the
author is only down to H.
The story is wonderfully creative. You may think an auditor is a hapless
drudge who checks accounts for a business. Or maybe a person who sits in on
a college course without receiving academic credit for it. Actually, this
guy is an auditor as opposed to a voyeur. He listens to the Sarah and
Lianne, the "S&M dykes" in the adjacent apartment. He does with his ears what
voyeurs do with their eyes, and he lets his imagination fill in the blanks.
During lapses in the action, he even takes time out to coach the primary
interested party: "Hang in there, kid," he says, looking down. "Normal
service will be resumed as soon as possible."
As the bloke says, you don't have to be Sherlock Holmes, do you? Just read
between the lines. This was an excellent story; but you have to read between
the lines.
Ratings for "Auditor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Bean City" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). The narrator of this story
is a gent who is thirty-five friggin' years old and who spots a classy lady
with a mane of hair as black as scandal and skin so clear and white you could
show a movie on it in a bar in Boston. They hit it off, and she takes him to
her plush hotel room. It turns out she's into humiliation or dominance or
some such thing. He'd rather they just have a bit of fun while fucking their
mutual brains out. You can read the story to discover how they work things
out.
Ratings for "Bean City"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Catalyst" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). All the other stories in this
issue were written by "regulars" - people whose stories I have reviewed
before. In many cases the authors were kind enough to send the stories to me
for my convenience. And a fine bunch of stories they are! I remember seeing
this one in the postings; but I decided to skip it, because I already had too
many stories to read. Then a reader clipped it and sent it to me with his
recommendation. I want to thank that reader. This is an excellent story by
an author I have never read before.
In chemistry class we learned that a catalyst is a substance, usually used in
small amounts relative to the reactants, that modifies and increases the rate
of a reaction without itself being consumed in the process. Through metaphor,
the term also refers to a person who precipitates a process or event,
especially without being involved in or changed by the consequences. That's
the role of this story's narrator, who observes a freshman girl at a party
lusting after the hunk across the room. The narrator has two problems: (1)
to bring the two together so that they can fulfill their mutual urges and (2)
to do so in such a way as to be able to watch their hot interaction. I'd
tell you more, but it will be more fun for you to find out the rest for
yourself.
The author is posting these as part of an "Alphabet Series." I plan to look
for more stories in this series.
* "Dutch Treat" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). Let's see. "Dutch Treat"
could be about a date with a woman who pays for the condoms. But since the
story takes place in Amsterdam, it is probably about a sexual treat the guy
receives from a Dutch woman. I was close. It's about a sexual treat the guy
DOESN'T receive from a Dutch woman. It takes real skill to make something
like that seem sexy!
Ratings for "Dutch Treat"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Escalator" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk)."You're fuckin' pathetic,
mate, arntcha?" she yelled. I can see how I appeared that way, but I'm not
though. I'm really not.
What would provoke such an outburst? Actually, not much - just two people
passing on the up versus down escalators, one a man dressed for a day's work
in the business world who ogles and lusts for the woman approaching him on
the other escalator, and the other a young lady dressed in the punk style who
decides at the last second to flash the man as they pass. The rest is in the
details.
Ratings for "Escalator"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "French Tickler" by Mark Bastable (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). The narrator
has been cycling in the Loire valley and decides to wander into Pinochelle to
enjoy the evening air and maybe to see what quaint, provincial nightlife this
somnolent region has to offer. Well, he over-imbibes at the "club" and finds
himself dreading the walk back to his lodgings, but then a busload of young
French women pulls to a stop next to him. Does he want a lift? It is a long
way to walk in the dark, n'est-ce pas? He accepts the ride and finds himself
packed in tightly in the back of a crowded bus between two people to whom we
shall refer euphemistically as Fille Gauche and Fille Droite. I guess this
might sound boring - a guy snuggled up between two young French girls whom he
can't even see because of the darkness, surrounded by raucous conversation,
hands and mouths reciprocally engaging in very private but friendly
activities, mind-blowing orgasms; but I certainly enjoyed it. Those Filles
really know how to throw an impromptu bacchanal when they put their minds to
it!
Ooops! The bus has stopped to let him off. Why is everyone so quiet and
looking at the back of the bus? And how long have they been watching? Oh
well, c'est la vie! The other passengers (Filles Autres) all burst into a
spontaneous and sincere round of applause, laughter, and high-fives.
Besides having a great idea, this author uses the language very, very well.
But where was the tickling?
Ratings for "French Tickler"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Glissando" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). The guy has failed in his
attempts to get lucky in the Netherlands the night before; but now that he
has sobered up, it looks like things might take a definite shift toward the
better. At first I thought I was going to read my first story of Strip
Yahtzee - a game to which the Dutch are apparently addicted, at least in its
non-striptease format; but that lead didn't pan out.
Then the guy does get lucky. Real Lucky. The target of his emotions can
barely keep her hands off him while they go up the steep stairs to his
apartment and he bites her on the ass. When they enter the room and the
clothes stop flying, there she is: her feet a good meter apart, braced
against the onslaught she momentarily expects; her legs, slim and white,
straight and locked, angled towards each other so that the eye is led up
along the smooth curving thighs to their apex; and there is her cunt, spread
and opened, pink and gleaming, moistening the trim crinkles of its
surrounding light brown hair; above that, the asshole, nestled between the
impossibly perfect geometries of her buttocks, which are thrust out by the
arch of her spine. Her hands are resting on the back of the sofa, and she is
looking over her shoulder in the direction of his throbbing erection.
Then things get really interesting; but you had better check this one out for
yourself.
Ratings for "Glissando"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Hotel" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). Tragically, this is the last of
the Alphabet Stories currently available from this author. He says he's open
to suggestion for new titles. I recommend "Isometrics" and "Jugular" for his
next two titles.
In "Hotel" the Narrator is an Englishman working in a university town in the
Black Forest region of Southern Germany. He strikes up a friendship with the
workers at the hotel and develops a particular fondness for the lady who
manages the establishment and for one of the beautiful young maids. The
manager, it turns out, is seriously interested in bdsm; and since she is
naughty, she must be dealt with. The maid simply craves his body. Things
could easily get out of hand! And they do.
Ratings for "Hotel"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Interpreter" by Mark Bastable (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). The man is
sitting at a boring meeting of the European Commission, listening to a boring
interpreter translate a boring speech to him. Then there's a pause in the
action, and the voice of the boring interpreter is replaced by the sexy voice
of a mysterious woman who starts working sexual innuendoes into the
translation. The man realizes that he's the only person getting the English
feed, and so some hot one-on-one action seems to be in order. This is really
creative stuff!
Ratings for "Interpreter"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "July 4" by Mark Bastable (markb@aboy.demon.co.uk). The British are
civilized people. If you ever visit a Civil War battlefield in the United
States, you have to be careful how you use the words "enemy," "loser," and
"bad guys." You see, the South lost the Civil War, but they're still pissed
about it; and almost all the battlefields are in the South. The British, on
the other hand, lost the Revolutionary War; and what do they do? They have
fireworks on the 4th of July.
When I was in the eighth grade, a hormonally imbalanced boy who was
considered sexy, sat down next to me at lunch and asked me, "Do they have a
4th of July in England?" Sexy boys did not usually talk to me, and so I was
taken aback. I tried to think quickly, but all I could manage was the notion
that since the British had LOST the war that the 4th of July seemed to have
started, then they'd have to be damned fools to celebrate it; and I told him
so. "Well what do they do, then?" he answered. "Go straight from the 3rd to
the 5th?" He laughed uproariously. Still thinking that this joke had to
have something to do with sex, I was thoroughly confused.
This review may seem disjointed, but that's because so is this story. All
that matters is light and sound. The rest is just details. That's the
conclusion the narrator drew when he acted as a beard for his lesbian friend
at a 4th of July party at the American Embassy in Grosvenor Square and an
unknown assailant from behind pulled his dick out of his pants while he
fondled her clit and the fireworks exploded overhead.
The important thing to remember is when a Brit says he's pissed, it means
he's drunk. When an American is pissed, he's mad. Thus, the saying, "'Tis
better to be pissed off than pissed on" is more likely to be meaningful to an
American than to our friends across the Pond.
Ratings for "July 4"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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