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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 230 - Nov 1
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Moderator's note ------
This is late because I had a problem with it, sorry.
------ end note
Celestial Reviews 230 - November 1, 1997
Note: People are sometimes confused about the Blowjob Principle, which
states that if a recipient wants to increase the probability of a second
blowjob, he/she should make the giver glad to have supplied the first.
Applied to sexual encounters, this means that if a girl gives a guy a
blowjob and the guy hopes to get another someday, then he should do something
to make the girl glad she gave him the first blowjob. This "something" can
be flowers or a cashier's check, but it can also be something more
spontaneous and more directly related to the situation at hand. Applied to
stories, this means that if you want an author to continue writing good
stories, you should do something to make him/her pleased that they wrote the
story that evoked your gratitude.
When they thank me for my reviews, people often smile via email and refer to
the Cunnilingus Principle. Their theory is that since I am female, I
wouldn't know what to do with a blowjob if they gave me one. Actually, these
people don't understand the metaphor. The story (or in my case, the reviews)
is the blowjob. If the reader likes the story (or the reviews) then he
should maximize the possibility of a continued supply of "blowjobs" by making
the giver of the blowjob (that is, the author of the story or reviews) glad
that he/she helped supply that blissful experience. The pleased reader may
indeed accomplish this through a blowjob or cunnilingus; but it's important
to remember that we're talking metaphor here. A simple thank-you will often
suffice.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"The Sanders Family" by D.Abby 9,7,4
"The Morning After" by Tom Bombadil 10,8,8
"My Grrlstory" by Cain (ff foot fetish) 10, 8, 7
"Hush" by Brother Cadfael (evening of romance) 9, 8, 8
"Trick or Treat" by Saucy Wench (Halloween sex party) 10, 10, 10
"Forays" by Uther Pendragon (romantic post-partum sex)
10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Butter" by Victoria Vixen (food & sex) 8, 10, 10
"As the Paige Turns: The Second Coming (Cumming)" by Hawk
Richards (sexy humor) 10, 10, 10
"Secretarial Practice" by F. Alyque Simbal (sex with secretary)
10, 4, 5
"E-mail and the Common House Fly" by Nick [Anonymous]
(incoherent sex story) 9.5, 8, 0
"Underneath The Mango Tree" by Jayant Lund (silly incest)
9, 5, 10
"The Juvenile Casting Couch" by D.Abby (kiddy sex & incest)
9, 7, 5
"The Transfiguring Eye" by Richard Rivers (voyeurism)
9, 9, 3
"After the Funeral" by losgud (mature sibling sex) 10, 10, 10
"French Fries and a Coke" by Linda (semi-public sex) 9, 8, 7
"Lydia" by Brother Cadfael (caring romance) 10, 7, 7
"Nine Ball" by MNelson (gambling for sex) 10, 10, 10
10, 10, 10
"My Neglected Wife" by Steve 1044 (ignored wife
syndrome) 6, 10, 8
"Working Late" by Steve 1044 (sex at work) 6, 8, 10
Reposted Reviews:
* "Dominatrix Found in Amber" by PleaseCain.(surrealistic
sex story) 10, 9, 9
* "Elly" by Friar Dave (attitude adjustment) 9.5, 9, 9
* "For Bearing" by Uther Pendragon (pregnant sex) 10, 8, 10
"The Sanders Family" by D.Abby (Dabby@access.mountain.net). John and Sandra
grew up in one of those strict families where children are not permitted to
have sex but their parents have deficient olfactory senses, and so the kids
can fuck their brains out and the parents will never notice the related
odors. And so when (later in life) Sandra becomes a mother and her husband
is not available to service her, it is only natural that she initiate her
children into the mysteries of Venus. In short, this is one of those stories
on the theme that the family that fucks together sucks together. I don't
really enjoy such stories unless there's an interesting twist - such as a
creative plot or an insight based on realism; and this one had nothing
special to offer.
In real life, sex with minors is almost always likely to be problematic.
With regard to sex STORIES involving minors, I have noticed that there are
four basic types:
(1) adolescent fantasies - "Boy, wouldn't it have been great to have had a
sexy English teacher who kept me after school and taught me about sex!";
(2) emerging adolescent stories - sensitive and often sexy treatments of
growing up and learning about sex;
(3) science fiction stories - these don't necessarily involve spaceships, but
they greatly alter reality, for example by assuming that promiscuous sexual
activity by 9-year-old girls is likely to lead to something other than early
pregnancy, dropping out of school, and an eventual life of misery; and
(4) dirty old man stories - in which a leering adult writes about how swell
it would be to have sex with little kids.
I find that I can usually enjoy the first three types, but the fourth type is
usually so dysfunctional that it turns my stomach. In this respect I find
that I am MORE tolerant than most other people - even on this newsgroup. The
public at large object to all "pedophile" literature, which they define very
broadly; they assume that this sort of thing CAUSES little children to be
molested. In addition, I often have trouble finding reviewers for stories
like these. The reviewers often tell me that they object in principle to
"pedophile" stories; and so I am reduced to only two or three people who can
write good reviews and who will even give these stories a chance.
Many stories are actually a combination of two or more of these sub-genres.
I find that lots of them are BAD stories, mostly because they seem to be
silly, adolescent ramblings by people who have not yet become mature enough
to understand what sex is all about. However, some of them are quite good:
even when they describe a situation that would be undesirable in real life,
they evoke memories and fantasies that are not really unhealthy.
The important principle is to distinguish between reality and fantasy and to
keep this distinction in mind when reading or writing a story. It is also
legitimate to consider the possibility that a dysfunctional person might act
out fantasies that normal people might properly restrict to their
imaginations; and I think authors have a social responsibility in this
regard.
The present story is weak because (1) the events depicted in it would be a
really bad idea in real life and (2) the fictional setting does little to
make these events more interesting than real life.
Ratings for "The Sanders Family"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"The Morning After" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). The narrator awakens
from a drunken stupor with little recollection of what happened the night
before - just vague clues, like lipstick on drinking glasses and an
unidentified pair of panties. The idea is - you read the story and try to gue
ss what spam title fits it. My problem was that I didn't know enough about
spam titles to recognize the answer when I saw it! That probably means that
I have good reading habits.
Ratings for "The Morning After"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"My Grrlstory" by Cain (pleasecain@aol.com). I sort of got lost in this
story. I understood everything in the story, but it didn't turn me on at
all. I was just left with the impression that I had read a story about a
girl with a foot fetish who develops a fondness for her college roommate
after a foot orgy of sorts. I guess maybe there's a lot of that sort of
thing going around. I also don't know about the title, which is spelled the
same way twice, apparently on purpose. Maybe people with severe foot
fetishes who fall in love with other women write "grrlstories."
Ratings for "My Grrlstory"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Hush" by Brother Cadfael (Cadfael@earthcorp.com). As the author's synopsis
says, a man meets a deaf woman at the film development store and finds his
knowledge of sign language finally to be of use. He brings her home with him
and makes tender love to her. This is a very nice story, but it's not
complete: there's too little development and too many questions are left
unanswered.
Ratings for "Hush"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Trick or Treat" by Saucy Wench (wenchsaucy@aol.com). The two friends crash
a Halloween party - one as a red-haired witch and the other as her sexy black
cat. Their goal is to see who can be the naughtiest. Three scenes are
described in detail, several others in passing. In real life you shouldn't
do the things they do. You should also take your Halloween candy to the
hospital and have it xeroxed - er, x-rayed - before you eat it.
For a simple Halloween Fuck Odyssey, this is pretty good stuff. The two
ladies don't get stopped by the cops or hook up with truckers or a motorcycle
gang or have car trouble and get help from a farmer's daughter on the way
home. They don't get back to Brandi's and make frenzied love until sunrise.
No, they scrub off their makeup, take showers (alone), brush their teeth, and
go to bed (also separately). But they both sleep with big, satisfied smiles
on their faces. For an explanation of the smiles, read the story, even if
Halloween is already over.
Ratings for "Trick or Treat"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Forays" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). A foray (which can be
correctly pronounced three different ways), is defined as (1) a sudden raid
or military advance, or (2) a venture or an initial attempt, especially
outside one's usual area. This story takes the second definition into the
arena of romantic post-partum sex.
My main problem in reviewing the Bob and Jeanette Brennan saga is that their
fictional life is so close to my own real life. In the present episode, I
can very closely relate to the sensations of returning to a sort of renewed
normalcy after the birth of a child. Like Jeanette, I have gone through that
experience in collaboration with an intellectual but supportive husband, with
a church community as an important part of my life, and with a renewed
confidence in myself as a lover and as a person. Like Jeanette, I started my
marital alliance with the clear perception that my husband was the sexual
expert in our relationship, but I soon developed an awareness that I was
pretty good at it myself. Like Jeanette, I enjoyed the mixture and even the
confusion of feelings related to the baby and to my sexual relationship with
my husband. The main difference between myself and Jeanette is that she
speaks French a lot better than I do. I'm going to file a copyright
infringement lawsuit if Jeanette starts writing reviews for a salacious
newsgroup.
So while I find it difficult to be objective about this new installment in
the Bob and Jeanette saga, I find it easy to say that this is another good
one. Read the story. Let it speak for itself.
{An "Anonymous Reviewer" has written an additional review of this story. I
am posting it separately with the Guest Reviews.}
Ratings for "Forays"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Butter" by Victoria Vixen (vicky_vixen@hotmail.com). Guest review by Taria.
First of all, I would like to offer a public apology to both Celeste and
Victoria for the unforgivable lateness of this guest review. "Butter" first
appeared in alt.sex.stories in late September and should have been reviewed
long ago. All subsequent delays in the reviewing process were my
responsibility and my fault, and I apologize. Mea culpa!
The aptly-titled "Butter" tells the story of Victoria, her lover "X," and
their first joint foray into the overlapping worlds of anal sex, foodstuff
sex, and love bead sex. I assumed at first glance that I might not love the
story. I prefer it when lovers have real names, not mathematical variables
like "X"; coy asides addressed to "Dear Reader" often get my goat, as do
narratorial pronouncements like "now let's get back to the narrative"; and
I'm also mildly lactose-intolerant, so I wasn't sure if the story would agree
with my digestive system.
Boy, was I pleasantly surprised! "Butter" was a fun and interesting
chronicle of a mildly adventurous woman's first real attempt at pushing her
limits. The sex scenes were engrossing, detailed, and quite realistic--my
favorite combination. Take, for example, Victoria's first encounter with a
squeeze-bottle of honey:
"X then withdrew his tongue and told me to press my cheeks together... and
here I discovered something I didn't know about honey: I had assumed it would
be a good lubricant, but instead it just made my ass and sex very sticky. I
think at this point I was more aroused by the humiliation than the physical
sensation. Either way, he told me to spread my cheeks again and they pulled ap
art grudgingly -- I felt pretty silly."
This scene contains several of my favorite things, all at once: a man who
isn't afraid (and even likes) to use his tongue; a realistic, un-airbrushed
description of messy sex; and a reflective female character who can express
her feelings about herself and her experiences.
And the title scene is even better!
Go ahead--try some "Butter." I don't think you'll be disappointed.
Ratings for "Butter"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 10
Taria (appeal to reviewer): 10
"As the Paige Turns: The Second Coming (Cumming)" by Hawk Richards
(Hawkrds@aol.com). Guest review by Sven the Elder.
Those of you who follow Celeste's reviewing and the 'guest' system, will know
that in a review on an earlier Hawk Richards story I noted a problem in that
the story was unfinished. In a later posting Hawk noted that he had a
tendency to 'rush things into print' - a trait that 'his Editor would have
frowned on!' H - you've been found out; can it be that you're a professional
in drag, or disguise even? <G>
No matter, to the story. I was amused and enjoyed the initial story of the
good Dr. Paige and noted that there was plenty of room for the author to
continue the series if he wished. We have not been disappointed; the saga
continues with the next visit. The warm becomes hot and the pun in the title
is brought to life. Our very own Mr M1ke reviewed the first one and commented
on the use of humor. It improves and becomes more tongue in cheek with almost
inside references to the a.s.s. , a.s.s.d and a.s.s.m community that our
little band has become. Even if we don't actively participate in the aside's
of Kim (kisses returned!) Uther, Bear, Anne, Bronwen, M1ke and the others
(sorry if I missed you out), their daily comments and interjections, please,
amuse and entertain us. I wish I could think if timely answers to join in
with. Hawk weaves them into his story as the therapy continues, getting
hotter all the time. In the end one might observe that the therapist is
receiving therapy as well. Nice one Hawk, not at all rushed. If you haven't
all ready done so, do read it folks.
As a general aside, there has been a fair amount of comment on writing
construction and grammar. School left me behind more years ago than I care to
remember and while I try to be careful with the way I write, both reviews and
stories, some of the finer points tend to occasionally escape me. I use a
number of aids, one of the best being Fowler's Modern English Usage (revised
edition), no doubt other authors have their own guides. I try to read both my
own writing and the work of other people from the perspective of hoping that
neither the grammar or spelling intrude on my enjoyment. Hawk passed this
test with flying colours. I only hope the professional writers amongst us
agree. :-) (That should start some discussions! - I hope.)
Ratings for As the Paige Turns: The Second Coming
Technical quality: 10
Plot & character: 10
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Secretarial Practice" by F. Alyque Simbal (jlund@poboxes.com). Guest review
by Mike Hunt.
"Secretarial Practice" is not a sex story. It is, however, a short, well
written descriptive sex scene, and I guess that's enough most of the time.
The protagonist in the story is a man of unusual proportions: either he has
the world's largest penis or he wears beer-cans between his legs. We don't
learn much about the woman, except that she's a secretary, and she's very
attractive. Maybe that's enough for some readers, too.
To help you decide if you want to find the story, I thought a couple of very
short excerpts (with page references in parenthesis) might be handy: "c'mon,
you fucking whore! take my cock!"(1) "Come on, bitch, take it!"(2) "Suck my
cock," he commanded."(4) "C'mon bitch! Suck!"(5) "C'mon, whore, take it!"(6)
Question: With creative dialogue like this, how could I possibly give a bad
review?
Answer: I don't need to.
OK, I left out some of the more descriptive passages, and some of them are
well constructed, even sexy. But impossibly big dicks and improbably pretty
girls don't necessarily make a story arousing. A tip for F. Alyque Simbal. A
good story has enough prologue to make the reader care about the characters,
and possibly even a plot. Next time find one.
Ratings for "Secretarial Practice"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 4
Mikeus (appeal to reviewer): 5
"E-mail and the Common House Fly" by Nick [Anonymous] (Posted as kim.htm).
Guest review by Anne747.
Ick, ick, ick. Normally I wouldn't start a review this way, but I just can't
help it. Recently the topic of labeling has come up. I can't even begin to
tell you what kind of labels this should contain. Hints of violence,
bestiality, voyeurism, and snuff erotica. I don't know; the whole thing just
kind of made my skin crawl.
The thing is I like stories with twists and turns, which this one has. To
some extent there are perhaps a few too many: the plot is almost confusing.
I can't summarize the plot without giving some of it away. You'll have to
read it and decide for yourself. But I wasn't kidding about the above
topics.
The writing isn't bad, although the formatting was a little odd. There are
definite scene breaks, but no real divisions. This supposedly was an .htm
file, and the divisions were supposed to be in the form of a horizontal line.
However, when I pulled it in using Netscape it was unreadable (no line
breaks). And using my word pro only the <HR> told me there was supposed to
be a break. The grammar wasn't too bad - a few things caught my eye, like
'had had' which I'm sure is wrong! Okay, basically I just didn't like it.
Ratings for "E-mail and the Common House Fly"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 0 (gee, when I don't like it, I
don't like it!)
"Underneath The Mango Tree" by Jayant Lund (jlund@poboxes.com). Guest review
by Kim.
I'm not at all sure I can spin this review out very far. It's the plot of
this story, you see. The problem is, there isn't one. The characters are
cardboard-thin stereotypes, the dialog is, at times, laughable, and the
grammar is desperately clunky in parts. Trouble is, I loved every fucking
moment of it.
And that's pretty much all the two protagonists do, the entire length of the
piece. The cute little seventeen-year-old Anita, and her Uncle, Dinu get it
together under a Mango tree and fuck, and fuck, and then fuck some more. And
then after that they fuck again.
I marveled at the alarming descriptions, such as "Her cunt cramped hungrily
on his penis" and "his cock scrunching in, his hips twitching at her
buttocks" or my favorite "She orgasmed violently, shuddering, gasping,
mewing, keening and panting all at once."
What can I say? It's dopey, it's not terrifically well written, it's clicheed
in the extreme, it's got entirely unnecessary incest as a central theme, and
I had a spectacularly satisfying orgasm, as I diddled myself towards the end
of reading it.
So, not one for Malinov or Johnny D, I think, but Anne should love it.
Ratings for "Underneath The Mango Tree"
Athena (technical quality): 9 (Ok, it's not *that* bad,
grammatically speaking)
Venus (plot & character): 5 (There wasn't any)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 10 (Entirely against my better judgment,
I got wet as hell)
"The Juvenile Casting Couch" by D.Abby (Dabby@access.mountain.net). Guest
review by BillyG.
The author of this story, D. Abby, states that "It contains scenes depicting
sex among minor children and, between minors and adults."
If we reach to a legalistic morality, I know what a minor is. That
distinction is blurred in face of a situational morality and approaches
non-existence in the a.s.s. milieu. The vagaries of my life set in place
that real-life situation where as a "minor" I was in fact largely responsible
for my own life. It's not surprising then that I'm able to allow more leeway
in the fantasy world depicting "sex with minors."
Moreover, in my own case I was a minor when I first had sex with a girl,
another minor as it turned out. Our moralistic stance notwithstanding,
that's the way it happens for the vast majority of us. Too, as a minor, I
held libidinous thoughts and desires for girls (women) who were "adults."
<Gasp>. So when I read a fantasy that edges into that situation, I don't
feel as if I'm in enemy territory.
I suppose it's because of that implied stance that Celeste asked me to review
a story of this caliber, given that she "normally avoid/ignore(s) these
(pedophile) stories; but when someone specifically asks me to review stories
of this kind, I usually try to comply."
Our positions, Celeste's and mine, aren't as disparate as she might think.
In point of fact, I have a particular distaste for the unbalanced
relationship - between the empowered and the unempowered - that's taken to
any extreme. In that light, I find non-consensual stories not to my liking.
In the case of the true minor, there can be no true (informed ) consent.
So, how much does all of this apply to "The Juvenile Casting Cough"? It's
decidedly unclear to me, for there's a marked discrepancy between the stated
chronological age of the protagonist, Patrick Leary at age 12, and his
apparent maturation. His emotions and maturity suggest he's an adult playing
the part of a twelve-year-old boy.
Still, that doesn't make or break this story. It's not a story of
non-consensual sexual abuse of kids, at least the way I see it. And that's
about as far as I'll go in this story's defense, for it's not a very erotic
story either. Once again, an author introduces quantity as a substitute for
quality. There are simply too many people treated too superficially to pull
us in. Pat Leary has sex of some sort or another with a neighborhood woman
and later her daughter, a boy friend's sister, an adult female move star, and
another 12-year-old actress, usually one at a time, but later in groups.
Just when it appears that a more substantive relationship might be forming
with someone, the story moves on, never to interact with that person again.
The "seductions" are mostly gratuitous. Actually the author spends more time
setting up a jerk-off session between two boys than he/she does with other,
seemingly more complex characters. The story bounces along from one sex
scene to another and always accompanied by the writer's signature orgasm
which in short order grows wearisome. Regardless of the passion or lack of
it, regardless of the situation, the protagonist's orgasm is given graphic
sound effects. Are you ready. Here it is! Spurt, spurt, spurt, dribble,
dribble, dribble.
When I was 12, I could relate to the spurt-spurt part, but the
dribble-dribble part would have been foreign to me and again suggests that
some old guy is playing the part of the kid.
Grades: 9, 7, 5
"The Transfiguring Eye" by Richard Rivers (r_rivers@cryogen.com). Guest
review by Bronwen.
Celeste tells jokes; so perhaps I'll be forgiven if I do too.... Three
Frenchmen are defining 'savoir faire'. The first says "A man comes home
unexpectedly and finds his wife; she is entertaining a lover and the husband
shrugs, simplement. That is savoir faire!"
"Mais non," cries the second. "The man, he comes home. He finds the wife and
her lover - he shrugs. He says: 'Continuez'. Now that is savoir faire."
"It is far more than that, my friends," says the third. "The man he comes
home. There is the wife, the lover - the man shrug - he say 'continuez'...
And if the lover he CAN - THAT is savoir faire!"
This story reminds me forcefully of that joke. The lovers are deep in
foreplay when the phone rings. It's a sadistic voyeur watching them with a
high powered rifle (night sights). They've got to do what he asks to survive.
They do. Has got to be one of the most deeply unerotic scenarios I can
imagine. "Fuck or I'll blow you away."
The sex is extremely well described, the grammar fine but I found the story
chilly and annoying. For a start, any couple whose sex life can flag enough
before they even move in together to undergo a renaissance once they're
sharing an apartment should rethink their whole relationship in my book. Shoul
d be at it like rabbits or not move in at all....
I couldn't believe in their reactions to the gunman. Any sane person would
have been terrified - and trying to think ahead. Plus the explanation given
for the woman's possession of a particular sex toy was lame. Oh, and the
ending was weak. What about their feelings?
Maybe it's just a Brit reaction. Maybe US gun laws mean American citizens are
totally relaxed about being held at gunpoint - but somehow I suspect not....
I know this author as an interesting, intelligent contributor to assd - I'm
sure he could come up with more convincing characters, a sexier scenario.
Please do!
Ratings for "The Transfiguring Eye"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 3 (didn't squick me, but did turn me
right off)
"After the Funeral" by losgud (lushgod@hotnomail.com). Guest review by
BillyG.
When I first contemplated doing guest reviews for Celeste, I rubbed my hands,
already framing the complimentary phrases I'd employ in describing the
writing of many of the a.s.s.m. contributors. Then once again, reality
struck! I found myself reaching for expressions other than insipid or crappy
and mumbling, "How come M1ke Hunt gets all the good stuff?"
It suddenly got better when Celeste sent "After the Funeral." I said aloud,
"Oh boy!" I've read a few of losgud's stories, liked 'em all and looked
forward to this one. I wasn't disappointed.
I like his style. It's unhurried, almost languorous. No nameless, faceless
fucking in his stories. The characters emerge as very real people, often
with a sense of humor and tender foibles known to all of us. The plots are
often everyday situations characterized by plausible events that usually lead
to an anticipated erotic connection, usually well into the story. It's much
like listening to a familiar tale whose plot is known and the joy of it comes
in the telling. I KNOW what's going to happen when Tommy and Ashley get
together; the delight is watching it happen.
Tommy's mom and dad and his sister have returned to Grandmother's place to
bury her. She's had a good life and there are no false tears. There's no
breast beating in this story. To the contrary, the family has a refreshing,
near-irreverent humor. After the funeral, the adult siblings, Tommy and
Ashley end up taking a nap together and well . . . it's far better read than
recounted.
The story's warm and funny and sensuous BEFORE it becomes much warmer and
very erotic. Add it to your "must read" list.
Grades: 10,10,10
"French Fries and a Coke" by Linda (lindajean@stealthmail.com). Guest review
by Dart.
Roger and his girlfriend, Linda, are in the supermarket. Roger is scanning
the shelves for the items they need while Linda is scanning Roger's cute rear
end. At the checkout counter, Roger comments on the firm breasts of the
checkout girl. Linda understands that Roger's comment was not intended to
hurt her, but was simply, perhaps, an inappropriate comment. Nevertheless,
she feels the need to get even.
This reprisal consists of fondling him in the checkout line, and then making
suggestive comments to the checkout girl about the bananas they purchased. On
their way home, she decides that she'd like to stop for some French fries.
Roger agrees, and swings into the drive-through lane at the local burger
house. While they're waiting on their order, Linda continues to get even.
You'll have to read the story to discover exactly what this consists of.
This is a cute, bubbly story, but I don't understand Linda's concept of
getting even.
Ratings for "French Fries and a Coke"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Lydia" by Brother Cadfael (Brother_Cadfael@earthcorp.com).
Guest review by DG.
This is a very short story which reads like a middle chapter in a multipart
story, or like a single episode of a soap opera. I browsed around to see if
I could find more parts to the story, and I discovered that Brother Cadfael
tends to post very short snippets rather than fully developed stories, so I
am assuming it was written to stand alone.
The narrator has a friend named Lydia, with whom he wishes he had a romantic
relationship. When Lydia's boyfriend hits her, she moves in with the
narrator, and he discovers that she has romantic feelings for him also; but
they decide to hold off on having sex. That's about it - no background on
the characters, no sex to speak of.
Although "Lydia" is well-written and the author seems to have a talent for
storytelling, I can't really give high marks to something that doesn't seem
to be complete. I'd like to read something by this author that is more fully
developed.
Ratings for "Lydia"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7 (both are there but underdeveloped)
DG (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Nine Ball" by MNelson (mnelson663@aol.com). Guest review by Sven the Elder.
{Note from Celeste: Occasionally I accidentally get a second review of a
story. This one was originally reviewed in CR 226. That reviewer liked this
story, but the present reviewer liked it even better.}
Now and a again it's rather nice to come across an unexpectedly good short
story by an author I've not come across before. Good dialogue, good
construction neatly written. This, as might be gathered from the title is a
story written round a pool game. A hustling pool game, but with a nice
difference. It also has a nice twist in the tail. Other than that, more I
will not say. <G> Do read it - having recently come back to the game of pool
after a very long lay-off, I may never view the game in quite the same light.
Ratings for Nine Ball
Technical quality: 10
Plot & character: 10
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Forays" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Guest review by Anonymous
Reviewer. {Don't bother asking who wrote it; I'm sworn to secrecy.
Actually, I found it on a.s.s.d.}
Think back to your last experience of missionary-position sex. Not the one
in Macy's window, but the one before that, alone in the privacy and comfort
of a bedroom with your significant other. Was it really so boring that you
would have skipped it if the reruns on TV had been a little better? Or was
it a time of passion and satisfaction?
Uther Pendragon bets on the latter. He thinks that hot sex, even hot
descriptions of sex, don't require three sex toys, two visiting firemen, and
a large German shepherd.
"Forays" is a weekend in the saga of Bob and Jeanette Brennan, now married
ten years and very new parents. Their baby is becoming a bit more
predictable, Jeanette has recovered from the delivery. They are beginning to
notice the external world and even make forays into it.
Bob is turned on by seeing Jeanette breastfeed their baby, 'The Kitten.'
Jeanette misses the 'tiger' that Bob sometimes was before her pregnancy made
him careful. Each makes plans to satisfy those needs. The Kitten,
presumably without planning, interposes her own immediate needs. They cope,
and ultimately everyone's needs are satisfied.
This isn't a "Lust Weekend." Bob and Jeanette get on with their lives and
then make love at bedtime. They do the laundry, prepare meals, change
diapers, write history exams, and attend church. Jeanette signs up for a
French course and practices her French on The Kitten. Bob's puns in French
are no more edifying than his puns in English. When you check, however, you
find that more than half the words are spent on the sex scenes.
An Aster story makes you wish that you could live in his universe, a Viddler
story makes you glad that you don't live in his, a Deirdre story makes you
suspect that you might. You live in Bob and Jeanette's universe (except for
time flow). Don't you wish that you lived with one of them?
Ratings for "Forays"
Superego (proper English*) : 10
Id (development of plot, characters, and lust): 10
Ego (appeal to reviewer) : 10
* The reviewer did not evaluate the French Grammar."
"My Neglected Wife" and "Working Late" by Steve1044 (Steve1044@aol.com).
Guest reviews by The Wease1 (thewease1@cyberjunkie.com).
I hear there's some fella named Hunt or Cunt or something like that who has
some kind of problem with story reviews written by weasels. Or so he says.
When you get right down to it, the reviewers he complains about are really
all musicians, or librarians, or boatmen. Now listen up, y'all -- if you have
a problem with some musicians, or librarians, or boatmen, you take it up with
them, but leave the genus *mustela* out of it! Remember, wolverines are just
really big weasels (although some folks seem to confuse them with bears <g>).
I don't think any of you wants a pack of wolverines coming around to your
door to straighten out any further libels of the weasel family. Do we
understand each other now? Good.
When I posted a comment in ASSD about a couple of new stories by Steve1044, I
mentioned my hope that "Celeste or one of her minions" would review them
properly. I had no idea that I was about to be co-opted as a minion and
assigned the task of attempting a proper review.
The first of the two stories recently posted by Steve1044 is "My Neglected
Wife." The title of this one suggests another ho-hum wifeslut story, and when
I saw it in ASSM I just clicked right on past. Then after I read Steve1044's
second story, "Working Late," I came back for this one. I'm glad I did.
The story begins with a husband coming home from work and his wife expressing
her anger with the way he ignores her needs for affection. They have not made
love together for over six months, and she tells him, "Don't touch me unless
you mean it!" In some stories a situation like this might lead to Hubby
taking Wife out to amateur night at a strip club and then inviting four or
five guys to come home with them to "satisfy" her. Instead, this man calls
his boss and arranges a day off so that he can take care of her *himself*.
(Imagine that!) I liked this setup so much that I was willing to ignore some
minor flaws in the story, but as a reviewer I suppose I should explain my
ratings.
I gave it a 6 on technical quality because of some unevenness in narration in
the first two paragraphs, and a number of awkward or incomplete sentences and
(apparently) missing words throughout the story. Some good proofreading could
really improve this story and bring it up to a 10 on this rating. I gave it a
10 on plot and character because the characters seemed like real people with
real feelings and emotions, and the plot made sense. I gave it an 8 on appeal
to reviewer because it could have used a little more detail in the sex scenes
-- not necessarily in-out-in-out [repeat until orgasm], but something more
than "we made love five times."
The second of the two stories is "Working Late." The male protagonist works
as a physician's assistant for a bitch-lady doctor. Because of a major
goof-up in giving one patient some allergy-serum intended for another, he is
punished by having to stay after work and take inventory. By coincidence, the
receptionist that he likes to flirt with also makes some mistake that same
day, and the bitch boss gives her the same punishment, working late to take
inventory. You can probably guess the rest of the story yourself, but go
ahead and read it because Steve1044 has written a good, hot sex scene, much
better than the sex scenes in "My Neglected Wife."
This story also gets a 6 on technical quality, for the same problems noted in
the first story plus an amazing number of misused homonyms (their for there,
shear for sheer, etc.). Some proofing could really help the readability of
both of these stories. I gave this one only an 8 for plot and character,
because the two main characters both say some things that just don't seem to
fit. For example, before having sex they discuss their recent breakups with
former significant others -- then after the sex she asks him if he has a
girlfriend. Another example -- right in the middle of receiving a hot
blowjob, the male leaps to the conclusion that, "judging by her talents,
Julie probably gave head to anything that moved." These incongruities tend to
jolt me out of a story, making me think, "Huh? Why did he/she say *that*?" In
spite of the flaws noted, I did like this story, and the sex scene was well
done. I gave it a 10 on appeal to reviewer.
Unlike those musicians, librarians, and boatmen that some folks have
complained about, I have included my e-mail address on this review for
questions, feedback, offers of money or sex, etc. In case you didn't notice
it up above, it is thewease1@cyberjunkie.com. Please remember that the final
character in Wease1 is a "one" (1) not an "ell" (l). Thanks.
Ratings for "My Neglected Wife"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 10
Wease1 (appeal to reviewer): 8
Ratings for "Working Late"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 8
Wease1 (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Dominatrix Found in Amber" by PleaseCain. I would do this story an
injustice by trying to summarize it. I can best describe it as a surrealistic
description of implied sexuality. It is well written but confusing - but the
confusion is intentional. It's really pretty interesting.
Ratings for "Dominatrix Found in Amber"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Elly" by Friar Dave. This author is good at hot, sexy romance. In this
story the initial flirtation and first lovemaking are especially sexy. Then
things take a serious turn. Elly is beautiful - her tits are her nicest
feature; but she has a severe emotional problem: she thinks she is a slut
because she is multiorgasmic. Our narrator gives her the Quick Cure, and
Elly happily realizes that being a slut as she has defined it can be OK as
long as she keeps it in perspective. This is not Friar Dave's best story,
but it's still very good! The sexual descriptions are excellent, but the
plot lacks complete integration.
A final comment. The narrator says, "I explained to her that if you read for
an hour a day, you read a couple of books a week. In thirty years, that's
around three thousand books." There's something wrong here. That reasoning
might apply to the kind of "books" you can buy from greeting card displays,
but I seriously doubt that serious readers other than Evelyn Wood can read
two good books in seven hours. On a related note, however, I just realized
that at the rate I'm going, in 30 years I will have read and reviewed 28,000
stories for this newsgroup. Of course, by that time either my sex drive will
have declined or I'll retire from teaching, and so I'll have the time. And
maybe I'll be able to read two books a week.
Ratings for "Elly"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "For Bearing" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Jeanette is so
pregnant that sex has become awkward, but they still do it. The action is
sweet and romantic. As I have said before, the child needs to know that
mommy and daddy like each other, and the main thing is that the penis should
be removed before the baby comes out.
The reason for the "8" for plot is that this segment is not a complete story
in itself. The series is still 10-10-10. If you have never read any other
segments in this series, you're likely to be left wondering what in the world
is going on here. On the other hand, those of us who grown to know Jeanette
and Bob will be pleased to see that things are still normal in the Brennan
household.
Ratings for "For Bearing"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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