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From: Kim <kim@nym.alias.net>
Subject: {ASS} Going Home -- A ghost story for Halloween (F/M romantic, ghost)
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Going Home By Kim

This is a bittersweet love story. There is precious little sex in it
and it's probably not what you were expecting a Halloween ghost story
to be. What can I say? I'm like that.

Dedicated to my father. We will meet again, I know it.


Going Home

I suddenly snapped out of the daydream I'd been having. Funny thing
was I couldn't remember a second of it. I looked about me in growing
puzzlement. I didn't recognize the place I was in at all. I was
sitting in a corner of a small room. There was a single bed in the
center of the opposite wall, and a door to the left.

I was about to get up and look around, to try and explain the
confusion, when the door opened. In came Rob, my boyfriend, and
another man. Ah, now we were getting somewhere. I stood up to greet my
beloved.

He ignored me. I was about to say something, aggrieved that I should
be treated in this way, when the other man lifted up the sheet on the
bed. I hadn't even noticed there was someone on it. As I thought about
it, lots of things seemed quite strange to me.

I gasped and took a step back, bringing my hand involuntarily to my
mouth.   The woman on the bed was me. Or at least an identical twin. I
looked to Rob, to see if he could explain any of this. He closed his
eyes and nodded.   The other man dropped the sheet back over the
woman.

"Oh Kim," was all Rob said.

"If it's any consolation, it would have been very quick. She didn't
suffer," the other man said. "A trick heart valve. Who knew? It would
have hit her like a train!" he continued. Rob looked at him steadily.
"I'm... I'm sorry. I know that must seem insensitive. I meant nothing
by it," he said.

"I'd like to be alone with her, if that's alright?" Rob said.

"Sure. Take as long as you like" the other man said, as he turned and
left me and Rob on our own.

"What's happening?" I asked Rob. Again he ignored me. He pulled back
the sheet and stroked my double's hair from her serene face. He bent
down and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"W... What's happening Rob?" I tried again. He didn't respond this
time either. He carefully pulled the woman's hand free and held it to
his forehead.   I was getting annoyed now and was about to push him,
to get him to respond, when great sobs wracked his body. Tears
streamed down his face.   I went to comfort him and tried to wrap my
arms around him. I didn't know who this woman was, but Rob was in
pain, I couldn't stand by.

As I touched him I felt a strange tingling and my hands just sort of
slid off. I tried again, but this time on the back of his neck. His
hair brushed to one side, but then repositioned itself back to where
it had been. Rob briefly looked up and stroked the back of his head
unconsciously.

"Oh God Kim, why'd you have to go and get yourself dead?" he wept.
"You dumb, stupid bitch, you always got things wrong," he whispered.

I stepped back. I would have been in shock under normal circumstances,
but I could feel my mind getting slippery. I shook my head to try and
clear it.

"ROB!" I screamed as loud as I could. He didn't hear me. "I'm dead,
aren't I?" I said in a small voice. He didn't answer.

* * *

We rode back home in the taxi in silence. It was odd. Here I now was,
living one of my most cherished daydreams, that of becoming invisible,
and it wasn't as much fun as I'd hoped it would be. We'd left the
hospital soon after he'd identified my body. It had been arranged that
my mother and one of my brothers would collect my body and bury me
near my father.

I tried to get emotional about it all, but it seemed that part of my
brain had died with me. I seemed on a perfectly even keel. Not bad,
considering I was dead I suppose. I did seem to be able to get mildly
annoyed, but that was about it. I still felt concern for Rob's
emotional state, but he seemed to have recovered from his earlier
sorrow.

It was becoming tiresome having to move so quickly to avoid being
trapped behind doors. I tried pushing on things but the strange tingle
and sideways slide always frustrated me. Nobody could see or hear me.
The novelty was already getting tiresome. One thing I did discover was
that if I thought things were weird, well they got a whole lot weirder
if I moved away from Rob any appreciable distance.

Walking alongside Rob, down the hospital corridors, I'd felt an urge
to scream obscenities into a passing priest's ear, but the silly joke
soon palled.   He couldn't hear me, so what was the point?

I felt much better when we arrived back at our house. I felt calm and
at home. Which, of course, is what I was. I found I could wander the
house at will, provided the doors were left open, and not get the
usual weirdness I experienced when being away from Rob.

* * *

It had been three months since my death. Rob had finally stopped
crying himself to sleep every night. I had lain with him most nights,
but I found even if I closed my eyes and really tried to concentrate I
just couldn't sleep.   I had tried to cuddle him but it didn't work. I
either slid off, or just irritated him like some spectral mosquito.

I hadn't gone to the funeral. It seemed too ghoulish somehow.

He'd left all my things just as they had been when I'd last used them.
He didn't disturb a thing. Watching him so intimately and unobserved
had only reaffirmed just why I loved this man. He never did anything
that wasn't thoughtful, or gentle.

One morning I returned from trying uselessly to do something in the
kitchen for his breakfast, when I found him having a shower. Now that
in itself wasn't that unusual. But today, for the first time since my
death, he was masturbating. I smiled and went to join him in the
shower. I had long since given up trying to remove my clothes. The
buttons and zips simply didn't work anymore. I would wear this green
silk blouse and my faded denims for eternity it seemed. It could have
been worse.

Had he not had his eyes shut he would have seen the water taking a
strange route to the ground. It slid off me like mercury. I only had
to step out and shake myself slightly to be dry again.

I licked along the length of his penis. It was like licking the
terminals of a battery, but I didn't mind. He stopped using his hand
and I managed to get my lips around it's engorged head. He moaned. I
pumped.

I had no idea what would happen if I attempted to swallow, but I was
willing to give it a try.

"I miss you so much my sweet Kim. I'm so sorry. I've let you down," he
moaned. He brought his hand up to his penis and gave a final rub. I
pulled back before his hand touched me.

The semen slid off my forehead down into the shower base. It was a
trick I wished I'd learned in life.

I looked up smiling at the first sexual relief I thought my love had
had in three months. His head was in his hands and he was sobbing. I
got up and left him to cry in privacy. It didn't turn out to be the
tender loving moment I had hoped for.

* * *

It had now been seven months. I had learned to switch the television
on by concentrating hard and pushing the buttons on the remote by
sneaking up on them from opposite directions. Sometimes it worked,
sometimes it didn't. I had contemplated trying to get back on-line but
it was too exhausting to even get the thing switched on, so I gave up.
It was a pity, because one of my friends had once described me as a
Ghost in the Machine. I smiled sadly.   I missed them all so much.

Every morning before going to work, Rob stood a moment by a picture of
me and kissed his finger and pressed it to my photographic lips. I
would blow him a kiss in return.

I avoided mirrors while he was there. Several times I stood near him
while he shaved and he would suddenly turn round and look directly at
me. He'd looked bewildered a moment, shake his head and slowly turn
back to the mirror. Quite why he would catch a glimpse in the
reflection I didn't know.   I decided to keep out of view, it seemed
unnecessarily cruel to keep haunting him that way.

I didn't much care for mirrors period, even when he wasn't there. My
skin had taken on a permanent pallid tone, that no amount of pinching
would return to it's previous color. My blue eyes were now a faded
pale hue and my hair's chestnut sheen was now a dull light brown.
Being dead does nothing for your looks.

Today was different. Rob looked at my photograph for many moments
longer than usual. He picked it up and brushed an imaginary speck of
dust away from my smiling, frozen face.

"I will love you always. You know that don't you?" he said to my
picture.

"Yes," I said, though I knew he wouldn't hear. He put the picture back
down and left for work. I wondered why the change of routine.

I spent the day as usual, leisurely walking the house. It gave me such
a sense of calm and well being. For some reason I couldn't explain, I
never got bored. In the afternoon I settled down to watch some
television. It washed over me and I felt content.

In the evening Rob began to cook his dinner. It seemed overly
elaborate to me. It wasn't until he laid out the dining room table for
two places that I knew we would have company.

He went and showered and changed. At eight o'clock the doorbell rang.
Rob checked himself in the mirror and opened the door. It was Rachel,
one of his colleagues at work. She was charmingly dressed, as if they
were going out for the evening. I could see Rob was nervous. Rachel
too, it seemed to me.

He took her coat and asked if she'd like a drink. While he was away in
the kitchen, getting her a whiskey, Rachel slowly wandered about the
living room looking at everything. I walked beside her watching what
she was doing. She was very attractive and sure of herself. I felt a
momentary pang of jealousy, but it didn't last long.

Rob returned carrying the two drinks and handed one to Rachel.

"Is that Kim over there?" she asked. I thought for a moment she could
see me, but I realized she was referring to my picture.

"Yes," Rob's voice cracked slightly. Rachel turned to Rob and put a
hand on his arm.

"I know I'll never replace her. I wouldn't want to," she said. Rob's
lip trembled slightly. I thought he was going to lose it, but he
managed to smile.

"It's not been an easy seven months," he said. She smiled and leant up
to him and kissed him on the cheek. His arms went round her and they
held each other.

For the first time since my death, I felt an uncontrolled emotion. I
was so happy for Rob I started to cry and laugh at the same time.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep or something because I awoke to find myself
walking along the edge of a beautiful lake. A gentle warm breeze was
blowing and I felt wonderful. I stopped and squatted down by the edge
of the lake. The sun was glinting across the water. Marveling at its
fragmented beauty, I played my hand through the reflections. A swan
moved closer to see if there was any chance of some food. I held up my
hands to show it I had none. It tossed its head haughtily and swam
away. I smiled after it.

I stood up and continued my walk along the bank. There was a man sat
on a bench looking out across the water. A large old dog sat patiently
next to him on the ground.

"Hello Kim," he said, smiling. I realized it was my father.

"Daddy!" I whooped with joy and ran over to him. He stood up and we
hugged. Neither of us spoke for ages. Eventually I let him go, wiping
away my tears with the back of my hand. I bent down and hugged Ben, my
dad's dog. I hadn't seen him in twenty years. He licked my face and
barked. I stood up and smiled at my father.

"It seems your boyfriend has managed to overcome that profound grief
of his. It's what kept you here, you know," he said.

"I'm so happy for him," I said, still wiping away some tears. 

"Let's go home, Kim," my father said. I nodded and we hugged again.

Arm in arm, we set off for home.



The End



I sure as hell can't claim any of this is true. I'd just like to think
it might be like this.

Oh, btw, this isn't the end of Kim. This is what they call a fantasy,
so don't worry, Kim's adventures will continue.

Please note, this is not in the public domain. I will consider any
request for placement on a web site, but NOT commercial sites.

Kim

October 1997




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