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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 171 - April 9
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 171 - April 9, 1997
Note: I'm finally catching up on some stories that I received at a time when
I was experiencing technical difficulties. If I review your story, you may
want to repost it, so that readers can find it more easily. If you have
trouble finding a story, try www.dejanews.com. Also, if you sent me a story
and I failed to review it, send me a reminder. I probably still have the
story, but I need you to nudge me to dig it out.
Second Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my stories for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"June's First" by Mike Hunt (storytelling with a twist)
10, 10, 10
"'F' is for Face" by Dulcinea (facial) 10, 10, 10
"The Doctor" by MataHhari (sex with the doc) 10, 8, 8
"My Aural Orgy" by Lucy (ad for phone sex) 9, 9, 10
"Math Anxiety" by James Green (hypnosis) 5, 6, 6
"The Ring of Heaven" by Summer's Rose (romance) 10, 10, 10
"Perverse Miracles" by Zilber (cross-age ff romance) 10, 10, 10
"The English Teacher" by Uncle Jake (adolescent fantasy) 9.5, 9, 9
"Cathy and Christy's Striptease Adventure" by Holly (voyeurism
at a strip club) 9, 10, 10
"Lucid Dreamer" by Delta (dream control) 10, 8, 10
"Shack, Lead!" by Frederick T. (military sex) 9, 9, 10
"Acquired" by Unknown Author (sex slavery) 8, 5, 1
"The Picnic" by Sarlim (outdoor sex) 10, 9, 9
"The Supermarket" by Dave Wallace (punishment) 10, 10, 10
"Her First, My Best" by Unknown Author (cherry popping) 9, 9, 9
"The Darkroom" by Mike Hunt (sex in the darkroom) 10, 10, 10
"My Spring Break - a Retrospective" by David Rosenfield (diary
of a lunatic) 9, 6, 8
"Break Time" by Dulcinea (computer break) 10, 8, 10
* "Computer Fun" by Dulcinea (on-line sex) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"June's First" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). June is the name of Mike
Hunt's wife. Mike Hunt is an anatomical pun, but in this story we'll focus
on him as the narrator, who tells the story through the eyes of his wife, who
wear's pajamas, which is something I haven't done in over ten years except
when I'm staying at my in-laws' house - and sometimes on sleepovers with
teenagers.
Anyway, Mike Hunt is telling this story about June's first time having sex
(hence, the eponymous title). It was with a person named Riley O'Reilly, and
it wasn't until halfway through the story I discovered that Riley is a girl.
Imagine my consternation. On the other hand, Mike Hunt, who was writing the
story, didn't find this out until that same moment, so imagine Mike Hunt's
dismay! And confusion! And June was giving Mike Hunt a blowjob under the
table while she was dictating the story to him. Mike Hunt was getting a
little bit testy. There's a pun in that previous sentence, but I'm not sure
the author knew or cared.
To summarize: June (in the story within the story) is grabbing Riley's tit.
Riley (also in the story within the story) is fingering June's cunt. June (in
the story) is blowing Mike Hunt under the table, while Mike Hunt is writing
this story. My cunt is getting a pleasant feeling (while I am reading this
story), but I am laughing My Ass off. My Husband is looking at me as he
walks through the room. He's used to this. He'll get his later.
"Gmmft. Plivvm. Gravnntfz." Somebody is about to come. I'm not sure who.
It could be any one of three or four people - maybe all of us. You'll have
to read the story yourself. It's delightful - one of the most enjoyable
tidbits to come from Mike Hunt in quite a while.
P.S. The story also includes Mike Hunt's FAQ.
Ratings for "June's First"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"'F' is for Face" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). The man is musing about
the possible unattractiveness of his face, and his wife playfully lets him
make a deposit all over her own face. Dulcinea often writes playful,
romantic stories, and this is one of her best.
Ratings for "'F' is for Face"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Doctor" by MataHhari (MataHhari@aol.com). The female patient has
unusual symptoms. She has a feeling of a sort of emptiness in her stomach
that seems to be alleviated when the doctor touches her breasts and does
other things like that. She's so innocent that the doctor just can't help
himself. This is a nice story, but I guessed the surprise ending pretty
easily.
Ratings for "The Doctor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"My Aural Orgy" by Lucy (lmdayton@bc.sympatico.ca). Like most of you, I get
annoyed by the incessant ads that clutter up a.s.s. and especially a.s.s.d.
I don't even pause as I skim past "Please Please Me" and "Lesbian Lick-Off."
I don't even care "How Wet and Wild Can Hardcore Porn Get." Neither the
"Sweet Young Thang" nor the "Girls Guaranteed to Please" catch my attention.
The "XXX Free Trial Time" has little appeal, and I doubt that "Michael Jordan
Subscribe's to Erotic Box Office." While I have no doubt that "From behind
her, bi and nude 19 year old" really is beautiful, I have little time to
"Scratch and Sniff" anyone who is "Ready and Willing." I guess I'm not
really "Looking For Live Kinky Fun."
Deep in my heart, I suspect that these ads are posted by working girls or
their bosses, seeking a part of the American Dream - or perhaps a part of the
Offshore Unregulated Telephone Dream. Of course, I would prefer that
alt.sex.stories actually contain stories and that alt.sex.stories.d actually
contain discussions of stories, but the world is an imperfect place; and the
Internet, as we know, borders on anarchy. At least I appreciate the fact
that these spam ads look like spam and are so easy to ignore.
Occasionally someone sneaks one past me. The present story is an example. I
thought it was a story, but it's really an ad. Hot Lucy has posted a
come-on. We read part of the story, and then she offers to read the rest to
us in person if we give her a call. Even though I realized this was an ad,
I decided to go ahead and review it. My hope was that Lucy would reveal
herself to be a bimbo, and I could make fun of her. Au contraire, mon frere!
This is actually the first part of a good story.
I don't know Lucy's whole story. It's possible that she's a frumpy old fat
lady who chews gum while she engages in phone sex by reading stories prepared
for her by her computer-geek pimp who adapts the stuff from material he gets
through reviews posted on an Internet newsgroup. There may be a whole
roomful of Lucies in a boiler room, picking their scabs while they change
tampons and make crude faces at their coworkers and read the scripts written
in a language that they can't even understand. But I think not. I prefer to
take Lucy at face value. I think she's a sweet college kid who gives great
head and who got into a contest with her equally sweet roommate over who
could give the best blowjobs and decided to tell part of the story through
this newsgroup and part of it through some other source - perhaps to
accumulate funds in order to pay for the trophy for their contest. In fact,
I think it's distinctly possible that Lucy reads these stories for free as a
public service to blind people who would otherwise not be able to learn about
the wonderful events of which she speaks.
I assume it costs $3.00 per minute to hear Lucy read the rest of this story
to you, and I'll bet she has several more equally authentic stories on file.
I doubt that you'll hear the rest of this story for less than thirty bucks,
but I expect she'll take a credit card. The other stories I review are free.
You make the choice.
Ratings for "My Aural Orgy"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Math Anxiety" by James Green (UYFZ78A@prodigy.com). Jason has been studying
algebra and geometry with Julie. When he's leaving for the night, Mrs.
Rhoades calls him aside and asks him how the "studing" has been going. In
Freudian psychology, this is known as ambiguous disclosure. Mrs. Rhoades has
been driven by her id tp omit a letter between the "d" and the "ing." If
it's a "y" that's missing, the question is academic. If the missing letter
is a second "d," then the question has more to do with either animal
husbandry or unresolved Oedipal feelings.
Well, it turns out that Mrs. Rhoades herself studs hypnosis. She gets Jason
interested, and he thinks maybe he'd like to stud with her. When they stud
together, Jason becomes "horney"; and then they stud some more.
What I've always wondered is this: If the person uses a first-person frame
of reference to tell a story about being hypnotized, how is the narrator
supposed to remember the story in order to tell it? I mean, if he was
hypnotized, wouldn't he forget it? Especially since she tells him to forget
and he "blinks out."
It turns out that Julie is a conspirator with her mother. She uses geometry
and that other math stuff to wear down the minds of the kids she studs with,
and that sets them up to be easy prey for her mother, who is a sex pervert.
I've always suspected a connection between geometry and mental deterioration
and sexual perversion; but this is the first story that has stated the case
so succinctly.
Ratings for "Math Anxiety"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"The Ring of Heaven" by Summer's Rose (SumersRose@aol.com). This is another
of this author's romantic stories of sweet seduction. I suppose this sort of
thing could get boring - but not yet.
Ratings for "The Ring of Heaven"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Perverse Miracles" by Zilber (zilber@poboxes.com). The young lesbian woman
is invited to meet her lover's mother. Since she's not really all that fond
of her lover anyway, she hesitates to go; but then she finds herself strongly
attracted to the mother, who up to this time had considered herself to be
"straight." When the two young lovers break up, the young woman takes up
with her friend's mother, and the relationship becomes extremely sensuous.
This is a fun-filled treatment of a cross-age romance.
Ratings for "Perverse Miracles"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The English Teacher" by Uncle Jake (ek972@po.cwru.edu). Mr. Smith is an
English teacher who loves his work. He takes pride in the accomplishments of
his students - especially of Stacie, a lovely young lady who plans to become
a massage therapist after graduation. After class Stacie locks the door and
gives Mr. Smith an especially sensuous massage.
This is a nice story, but it's a bit unrealistic. First, English teachers
don't do things like this. Second, people who write stories about English
teachers should use impeccable grammar - for example, they should know the
difference between "lie" and "lay." But as an adolescent fantasy, this is a
nice story.
Ratings for "The English Teacher"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Cathy and Christy's Striptease Adventure" by Holly (Kansica@aol.com). Who
goes to those "Gentlemen's Clubs" that are springing up all over the country?
Well, gentlemen, of course - and teachers. But teachers don't go to clubs
in their own cities. They're afraid their students (or someone worse!) will
catch them there, and so teachers wait until they go to a meeting at least a
hundred miles away from home - preferably a thousand miles - and then they
sneak into a strip joint just to see what goes on there.
I have done this a couple of times. My overwhelming reaction has been one of
disappointment: the drinks are ridiculously overpriced and the dancers are
not all that great. I found the few places that I visited to be populated by
sad young girls who were really hustling to make a few dollars and who were
more preoccupied with their children at home than with any excitement they
might find with the male clientele. They also tend to chew gum while they
dance. I had a lot of trouble enjoying my visits, because these kids seemed
like real human beings who were being exploited.
But that's not the way it is in this story! This story is about the type of
things I wanted to see when I slithered into a strip joint with my husband.
The girls are hot, and they're eager to give sideshows to interested
spectators. In short, the fantasy is much hotter than the reality. This was
a very sexy story.
I have received a "Second Adventure" (labeled "Peepshow Adventure"), and I
get the impression that more are coming. The second takes place in a video
arcade, with cocks sticking through the holes in the wall. I liked the first
one a lot better. Sometimes I think authors get stuck on one idea and
persist at it, when they would be better advised to simply start a new story
line.
Ratings for "Cathy and Christy's Striptease Adventure"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Lucid Dreamer" by Delta (delta@bc.sympatico.ca). Robert is a guy with a
physical disability, and his limp has impaired his capacity to hit it off
with interesting women. Other than that, he is a normal guy who likes to
hang out with his friends at a bar. He also has a crush on a woman whom he
observes from a bus. And most important (for this story, that is), he has
been trying to take control of his dreams. He wants to have "lucid dreams";
that is, he wants to become conscious of when he is dreaming and deliberately
let the dreams go where he wants them to go. I think. The story is a "work
in progress." Right now, it's incomplete - hence my "low" rating for plot
and character. My hope is that the author will finish this story, and the
rating will go up. I can dream, can't I?
I have some theories of my own about dreams. First, I have discovered that
my own dreams aren't all that interesting. These stories, for example, are
usually a lot more interesting than my dreams. I used to think my dreams
were interesting, and once I decided (like Robert in this story) to write
down my really good ones. For this purpose I kept a notepad by my bed. I
had a really great dream one night, and I jotted down some notes. Since it
was a sexy dream, I cut the notes short and cuddled up against my husband's
ass, hoping to get back into the dream. I drifted orgasmically back to
sleep. The next morning at breakfast I remembered my dream. Knowing that I
could write a best-selling novel based on that dream, I rushed back to the
bedroom and retrieved the notepad. The notes easily enabled me to recall the
entire dream. It was one of the stupidest stories I had ever heard of - even
worse than some of the ones my sister-in-law has described at the dinner
table. Within a week I discovered that MOST of my dreams became inane under
close scrutiny. The dreams were often really fun to have, but that must have
because in my sleepy stupor I focused on key details and ignored fairly
obvious inconsistencies. My dreams simply did not have complete and coherent
plots; they fell apart under even superficial analysis. In addition, they
reeked of plagiarism. Since the critical examinations were ruining my
dream-sex-life, I threw the notepad away.
Second, I believe that the psychological "importance" of dreams is overrated.
Freud may have been a bright guy, but most dreams are not worth
"interpreting." I find that my dreams are just as likely to be influenced by
what's on television while I sleep, by noises outside my window, and by what
I read as by "subconscious feelings" that can give any meaning to my life.
My dreams are especially likely to be influenced by a pair of lips or a
tongue on the right part of my anatomy during the hour or so before I am
scheduled to wake up; but it doesn't require psychoanalysis to figure out why
this is so.
Third, I have tried something similar to what Robert does in this story. I
have this personality flaw called a conscience that prohibits me from doing
some really neat things - like making love to my husband's best friend,
eating the pussy of one of the women I teach with, and engaging in a gangbang
with some attractive and athletic people. I don't object to having this
conscience rule my life; I honestly believe that bad things would happen in
real life if I just threw aside my moral code of conduct. But what pisses me
off is that this conscience runs not only my real life, but also my
dream-life.
Last week, for example, I was out jogging in the early morning with my
husband, when we came upon a blue-eyed blond in a really sexy body suit. She
was lying by the side of a beautiful lake, masturbating. When she noticed
us, she moaned, gave a come-hither look that brought my husband's cock to
attention, and invited us to join her. Then I found myself saying, "No, we
shouldn't do this." My husband replied, "Why not?". My cunt got this really
warm feeling, and I said to myself, "I think I'm dreaming." Then I
continued, "If this is a dream, I can go ahead...." But then the mere fact
that I was thinking that it might be a dream caused me to awaken from the
dream.
Fortunately, my husband is great about things like this. He has given me
permission to cuddle up to him and bang away whenever I feel the urge. He
doesn't even care whether I awaken him or not, and I can include anyone I
want in my fantasies. Just once I'd like to go ahead with the original dream;
but the first time I do that, I'm certain I'll discover that it wasn't a
dream after all.
See what I mean? The analysis of my dreams can get really boring. Anyway,
maybe Delta will finish this story, and I can find a way out of my dilemma. I
can dream, can't I?
Ratings for "Lucid Dreamer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Shack, Lead!" by Frederick T. (an19164@anon.nymserver.com). This is a story
about military sex - which is not all that different from missionary sex <g>.
In other words: none of the characters contract sexually transmitted
diseases; nobody has bad breath; nobody gets pregnant unless they want to;
few of the characters have any sexual inhibitions or hang-upss, and if they
do, they quickly lose them; everyone always has an orgasm; and all the people
live happily ever after, except those who get killed to add interest to the
plot. Gary (nicknamed Wildman) is trying to find himself as he begins a tame,
stateside assignment that will lead up to his retirement from the Air Force.
Flashbacks cover his very hot sexual activities, mostly in the South Pacific
during the conflicts of the general Vietnam era.
The author seems to know the details of military life, and he makes military
sex seem realistic. At the present time the story is incomplete. In fact,
the title makes no sense at all: the only time the word "Shack" appears is in
the title. The story also makes reference to a character named Willy
Tamarack. There's a series of stories on a.s.s. about this person, but I
have yet to read them. Having Willy appear in this story is apparently akin
to having Tom Sawyer appear in Huckleberry Finn - only at a different level
of sophistication. Overall, this is a very good story that is likely to
continue to be extremely sexy.
Ratings for "Shack, Lead!"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Acquired" by Unknown Author. I'm not sure where I got this story. I think
it came as an attached file from an author, but that author did not put
his/her name on the story itself.
Mary has made her decision. She will give herself to Pam as her slave. Pam
has promised Mary that she will come to love it. She will feel more fulfilled
than she can ever imagine. It's all very convenient; Pam even has a dungeon
for a basement, in which she already keeps her slave husband, whose name is
Rod. As time passes Mary is subjected to extreme forms of degradation and
turns into an animal whose only purpose is to serve and amuse her mistress.
The language is moderately literate, but I just don't see the point of this
story.
Ratings for "Acquired"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1
"The Picnic" by Sarlim (Sarlim@aol.com). The protagonist is a college kid
working as a cook at a restaurant. Candy is a sexually attractive waitress
in an unhappy open marriage. Having no experience with seduction, the guy has
no idea how to broach that subject. At the age of 21, he is still a virgin -
the kind of guy most girls think of as their brother - easy to talk to, but
not so easy to screw. Just the kind of guy my daughters need to meet!
To make a long story short, although liquor may be quicker, Candy is dandy.
They went on a picnic. Fill in the blanks: She lowered her head to his
exposed ______ and ran her ______ down the underside of his ______. The
sensation of her ______ sent shivers through his body. When she took the
head into her mouth, using her ______ on its tip, he surely thought he would
lose control.... She ground their ______ together as he filled her with his
______ until he could feel it running back down his ______ to cover his
______ with their mingled ______.
Eventually, they clean up and pack their picnic gear for the return trip into
town. As a postscript they plan an over-the-hill party for his 30th
birthday.
Ratings for "The Picnic"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Supermarket" by Dave Wallace. This story is a modern morality tale,
focusing on that most dastardly of modern villains, the customer who goes
through the express checkout line at the supermarket with too many lines, and
the even more villainous person, the cashier who permits this impropriety.
To make a long story short, each receives 50 swats to the naked buttocks
from sturdy security guards. In addition, customers or store personnel
wishing to fondle or abuse the cashier after the completion of her correction
are encouraged to do so. Of course, the narrator of the story cums in his
pants in tandem with the final stroke against the gyrating buttocks of the
erotic victims.
"That'll be fifty-six forty. Sir? Are you okay? You must have
been day dreaming, huh?" Ooops! It didn't really happen. But as the
narrator looks down in embarrassment at the moist spot in his tented pants
that is also the focus of the cashier's gaze, he realizes that at least some
of it DID happen.
I don't know if this is the right solution, but somebody really SHOULD do
something about those people that go through the express lane with too many
items!
Ratings for "The Supermarket"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Her First, My Best" by Unknown Author (THC Archive). This was listed as
"Ebony Confessions Vol. 2." J. B. is a young white guy, working in a plant
in the Southern U.S., who is mutually smitten with a young black lady named
Rachel. She offers her virgin body to him in the stockroom. It's a nice
story, except for one thing: white men who want to proclaim their enduring
love for females of African ancestry should not call them "negresses."
Ratings for "Her First, My Best"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Darkroom" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). This is a sequel to "The
Photographer," during which Mike Hunt took pictures of his lovely neighbor
and then fucked her from behind while she gave her husband a blowjob. Now
he's developing the photographs, which is hard work <g>. Now Krystal has
come over to see the photos, and she's going down to the darkroom with Mike
Hunt to see what develops <g>. There's a lot of double entendre in this
story, if you know what I mean. Actually, if examining proofs was what Mike
Hunt had in mind, they could have looked at the pictures in the kitchen. But
it's hot in the darkroom, and taking clothes off and chugging wine is a great
way to cool down while looking at sexy photos.... Then Krystal realizes that
although Mike Hunt has all those pictures of her, she has never really seen
HIM, and so.... Well, you get the picture <g>. This is another very sexy
story.
Ratings for "The Darkroom"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"My Spring Break - a Retrospective" by David Rosenfield
(rosenfie@students.wisc.edu). This is a diary of the spring break activities
of a modern college student from the midwestern part of the United States.
It is all true, he says - except for the parts about people being naked.
Things get rather precarious during spring break; for example, one night in
Oberlin (Ohio) the folks who were staying at the same place he was staying
left without him, not knowing that he didn't have a map to get back to their
place that they had only gone to once in the dark. Also someone else took
his clothes that night, so he had nothing to wear, either. I'm not sure
whether that part about the clothes was true.
The main reason to read this story is to get over the sense of awe that many
people have for today's college students.
Ratings for "My Spring Break"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Break Time" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). This is one of Dulcinea's
shortest short stories. The man needs a break from the computer, and the
wife supplies some sexy action, while the gremlins go away from the computer.
This is a useful recipe for electronic success.
Ratings for "Break Time"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Computer Fun" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). The man signs onto the
computer at work and is surprised to find a flag for his on-line chat
partner. In response to his first comment, she replies "I can picture you
sitting at your desk in your little cubicle, typing into your notebook. Can
you picture me, sitting here at home in front of my PC, wearing nothing but a
sheet?" Interesting set-up! What's a guy to say? "What color sheet?" The
plot thickens.
Dulcinea has written several of these very hot, very short stories. Like
many of the others, this one doesn't have a complete plot; but it warms
things up nicely.
Ratings for "Computer Fun"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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