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Celestial Reviews 218 - September 20, 1997 {Part 2}

(Continued from Part 1)

* "The Birthday Gift" by Wollstonecraft (Reposted by who@why.not). Betty and
the Narrator were both "big girls" with fuller bosoms and hips than most of
the other girls; and they both hated the way guys would fall all over
themselves staring and drooling like pigs and how girls would snub them
because they were jealous.  They quickly became close friends; and so the
Narrator got the chance to hang around with Betty's stepfather, Tom, who was
like one of those really great super-dads on TV family shows.

Near the beginning of the story the Narrator moves out of her house and into
Betty's after her mother's boyfriend (referred to as the chicken man) tried
to molest her.  Things go well at the new house, and the Narrator develops
some healthy insights into sexuality.  But then, as the song says, things get
complicated when you get past 18.  I'll give you the short version.  Tom's
wife dies; Betty and the other kids move away; the Narrator decides to seduce
and become pregnant by Tom on her 18th birthday; and in order to achieve the
full effect, she goes to great lengths to keep him from masturbating for a
full week prior to the Great Occasion, so that Tom will come to (or at <g>)
the birthday party with a fully loaded gun.  It's all very sexy.

Ratings for "The Birthday Gift"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Bean City" by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk) (Reposted by who@why.not).
 Note this author's name: it has been deleted from the story.  He's a good
one, and he deserves the credit for this excellent story.  This author
started posting an "alphabetical series" about a year ago.  He reached I and
J (for "Interpreter" and "July 4") and then stopped.  I hope he resumes his
series.  This is a repost of his B story, which gets an A in my book.

The narrator of this story is a gent who is thirty-five friggin' years old
and who spots a classy lady with a mane of hair as black as scandal and skin
so clear and white you could show a movie on it in a bar in Boston.  They hit
it off, and she takes him to her plush hotel room.  It turns out she's into
humiliation or dominance or some such thing.  He'd rather they just have a
bit of fun while fucking their mutual brains out.  You can read the story to
discover how they work things out.

Ratings for "Bean City"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Bertram I" by {I'm not sure}.  Only "Bertram" has been reposted so far.
 There's actually a Bertram I and II that I know of.  I'll repost both
reviews hope someone will repost the second story.  Since I posted these two
reviews, I have and reread my P.G. Wodehouse stories about Jeeves and Bertie.
 Those were as good as these parodies - but without the explicit sex. I tried
to write to this author to find out what name he would like to use, but the
message bounced.  I'd really like to know this author's pen name, since I
intend to look for more of his stories.

This is a parody of the classic Bertie and Jeeves stories.  I hope that tells
you more than it told me; I have never heard of Bertie and Jeeves.  In this
episode Bertram is summoned to his Aunt Agnes's bedside, where she informs
him that his uncle Tom has left her.  She has no one to share her bed.  She
asks Bertram to take care of her.  He acquiesces; but first he hastens down
the hall to consult with his valet, Cheeves, who recommends a sexual
technique called the one-man band.

This is a delightful story about happily decadent people.  It is filled with
mildly bizarre but very interesting activities and metaphors that I have
never thought of before.  The nicest thing about this story is that I have
already downloaded "Bertram II" for review in a subsequent issue of Celestial
Reviews.

When I read parodies, I never know whether an apparent error is deliberate or
accidental.  {Kind of like my own "finding nun" phrase earlier in this issue
of CR.}  The author says, "She spread her legs wide and revealed to me the
rich plane of her cunt."  Did he really mean to say that?

Ratings for "Bertram I"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10


"Bertram II" by {I'm not sure}.  Bertie Wooster and Jeeves are characters in
a series of books by the British humorist P.G. Woodhouse. Bertie is a member
of the British ruling class who is totally jobless and lives a charming life.
Jeeves is his valet, or a gentleman's gentleman, as Bertie refers to him.
Bertie gets into trouble, usually involving women (mostly his aunts) and
Jeeves saves him. That is the standard plot.  The literati from the
Motherland will already know this, but we Colonials would be clueless as a
crown prince without this commentary.  In addition, one of my correspondents
has told me that UPI recently (Oct. 17) carried a story that two musicals
based on the Jeeves stories are headed for Broadway soon. One is by Andrew
Lloyd Webber ("By Jeeves") and the other is by the team that brought us
Kismet and Grand Hotel ("Betting on Bertie").

Regular readers of these reviews may recall Bertram's earlier adventure with
Aunt Agnes, in which he successfully utilized the one-man band technique on
her pussy and asshole, followed by a vigorous double-holing with the
assistance of the sainted Cheeves.  In the present story Bertram is again
summoned to his Aunt Agnes's house on the occasion of his cousin Wilhelmina's
21st birthday.  "Cheeves!" exclaims Bertram,  "this is a disaster!  Whatever
shall I give her?"  What indeed!

As usual, Cheeves is happy to be of service."

Ratings for "Bertram II"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* 
"All We Like Sheep" by MC Woodsmoke.  My initial reaction to this story was
perplexity at its title.  What in the world does it mean?  I concluded that
it was probably a typographical error.  The author either meant to say "We
Are All Like Sheep" - or maybe it was the more bestial "We All Like Sheep."
 Actually, the title is stated exactly as the author intended it.  You'll
have to read the story to find out what it means.  Hint: It's part of a
longer phrase that you'll probably recognize.

Anyway, the hero of this story is that ubiquitous denizen of a.s.s.: the
electronics genius who knows how to use technology for mind control.  This
particular hero has been smitten by the lovely lady at work who has no time
for sex; she just reads her bible and performs church work with her youth
group.  A few weeks with our hero's magic mind control tape takes care of
that.  She becomes a hot little sex kitten that does her creator proud - her
new creator, not the old one, who may have preferred her to keep up the work
with the youth group.

Omigod!  The youth group!  Angie was working with two of the girls from the
youth group while she was listening to the subliminal tape; that means the
kids might have heard it too!  He had planned to seduce Angie, but suddenly
Stacy and Kayla seem primed and ready to go.  {I'm not sure exactly how state
and federal law deal with the accidental exposure of minors to subliminal
seduction.  I guess it would depend on whether one could get the judge and
jury to listen to the tape.}

An odd thing about mind control is that it has the capacity within a few
sessions to make people more enthusiastic devotees of an activity than they
would be had they participated in that activity happily for several years.
 For example, I myself have enjoyed cock sucking for over 20 years.  In a
sense, my mind has been programmed to enjoy it, much like Angie in this
story.  Yet when I am participating in that activity I retain control over my
brain and can do creative things (like chew gum, think, and even stop if the
performance contradicts an important value system) while still maintaining my
enthusiasm for the activity.  This is a long way of saying that sometimes
mind control stories become a bit simplistic.

Nevertheless, aside from some grammatical flaws, the present story is highly
creative and well worth reading.

Ratings for "All We Like Sheep"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* 
"The Anatomy Lesson" by Michael Dagley (dagley@soho.ios.com).  From time to
time I reach the conclusion that since so many authors send me their stories
before posting them I must by this time know all the good authors on this
newsgroup.  Therefore, I tell myself, there is no need to go through all
those other postings that are probably a waste of time anyway.  Fortunately,
I ignore my own advice, and that's how I find excellent stories like this
one.

This story is about a 17-year-old English boy who has grown into adolescence
almost completely isolated from peers - and especially from girls.  His
strict parents have dispassionately and sternly instilled in him a "good
education"; but he knows only theoretical information.  For example, he has
been forced to memorize the names and locations of all the parts of the human
body (including the reproductive organs of both males and females), but he
has no clear idea how they all function or why anyone would want them to
function.  Then his elderly nurse and tutor, Moni Brunner, who was also his
best and only friend, dies.  Her replacement is Moni's granddaughter, Rafael,
who is much closer to Gordon's own age.  Although she is herself
inexperienced with men, she decides during their first lesson together to
teach him (1) the practical use of his theoretical information about
reproductive organs and (2) the meaning of desire.

I assured my husband that he would like this story; but I insisted that he
read it aloud with his hands behind his head, while I did the things that
Rafael did in the story.  I guess you'll have to read the story to understand
this.

This was an exceptionally well written story.  I hope to see a lot more by
this author.

Ratings for "The Anatomy Lesson!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Black Cat" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  I enjoy corresponding with
this author.  Along with the present story he sent me a note stating that he
enjoyed CR 67, and he added:

"ROTFL!  Maybe our senses of humor are just similar, but it's very
dangerous for me to read your reviews in public.  Ah, but here I am
buttering up the reviewer again.  (Hm, interesting image...)  Not
to imply that they're JUST funny; but the mix of humor in among
the wisdom is always a delight."

Here's my reply:

"Yeah, right!  So you read my reviews in public, and the person at the next
terminal or the really serious librarian says, "What are you laughing about?"
  You can reply, 'These back issues of Calvin and Hobbes on the Internet
really slay me!'  Or if you think the person might come and check the
cartoon, you can reply, 'I love this Rush Limbaugh humor!  It's so much
better in the original German!'

"But were I to read your stories in public, I would have no equally
palliative replies.  'Oh, I always get a little moist when I read....'  What
can I say?  No matter what I would say, I'd still come across as slightly
more dysfunctional than you would."

Back to this story.  On Friday the 13th of September our unnamed protagonist
agrees to use a hallucinogenic drug called Black Cat, which he receives from
a woman named Marilyn who has just broken her compact mirror.  I don't know
the significance of the name Marilyn, but everything else suggests a bad trip
as my parents used to say back in the 60's.  Bad trips can actually be fun -
as long as they're imaginary.  The images the author concocts in this story
range from the erotic to the grotesque.  From what I've heard, the
descriptions in this story are pretty accurate.  I don't do hard drugs; and
so my own experience is limited to mixing excessive drinking with sex.
 Usually I fall asleep before I get really going. That doesn't bother me,
because I go so early and blissfully into a sound sleep with very few
inhibitions while this guy whom I completely trust is making sure I have
sweet dreams.  However, my husband often comments that he's not really into
necrophilia, and so I try not to do this too often.  Oh, and there was the
one time I got really drunk and puked all over him - but that's not a
pleasant story.

A final word of advice:  If you want to find out if a drug has negative side
effects, get this information from someone other than the pusher.  I find it
amazing that people who would never put comparable trust in a used car
salesman or fruit peddler will say to the person offering them drugs, "This
isn't bad for me, is it?"

Ratings for "The Black Cat"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "Buckets of Cum" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  I suspect that this
story is a set-up. The author knows I have been critical of "Wannafuck" and
"Buckets of Cum" stories, and he wants to see if I'll praise a story with
those words in the title.  I'll show him!

As you may recall, Pat has decided to get herself pregnant and Our Hero has
agreed to be the father. The story begins with Our Hero waking up with a wet
pussy tightly surrounding his cock, coming three times before he himself
shoots a load into her cunt.  Then Madamoiselle has a special request:
 "Would you mind if we stayed in bed today, and you kept me full of sperm?"
 She's serious.  And there's not even a television in the bedroom with a
remote control that will enable him to watch Power Ranger reruns.  Our Hero
is going to have to spend the whole goddam day in bed with this sensuous
woman with huge, soft breasts and a pussy that will occasionally suck his
cock dry.  Talk about bad breaks!  Oh - I forgot to mention that Pat also has
a marvelous ass.

According to my count, it was during the fourth attempt at sperm implantation
that Our Hero's dick failed to rise out of its stand of blissful relaxation,
in spite of Pat's kindly and persistent ministrations.  In other words,
Russell the Wonder Muscle was dead in the water.  Not to worry.  Exit Pat;
enter Julie - whose lovely lips and lively tongue bring Old Glory to full
staff.  Exit Julie; enter Pat - and the deposit is happily entered where it
will most profitably bear fruit.  Actually, I exaggerated for dramatic effect
- Pat stayed in the general vacinity to enjoy the fun.

On and on it goes.  You'd think all this fucking would get boring, but it
doesn't.  The author always manages to come up with a new twist - so to
speak.  I'm not absolutely certain, but I think they broke the world record
for orgasms by a single male/female human pair within a 24-hour period - a
record previously held by my husband and myself.  If you want to try for this
record yourself, here is a set of guidelines:  (1)  Have the guy abstain from
sex for two days.  They didn't do this in the story, and we didn't do it on
purpose; but this will help.  (2)  Increase manual and oral stimulation of
the ole power tool during later activity.  (3)  Bring in one or more female
friends to help Mr. Wiggly arise to the occasion when his energy begins to
wane.  (4)  Use blindfolds and bondage as the situations demand.  The
preceding guidelines will work most effectively if the two people are
actually in love and really hot for each other and employ sensible habits for
flirting and romance that sexy people normally apply.  These guidelines focus
on keeping the guy's love missile firing.  My assumption (shared by Pat) is
that the woman will have little trouble banging away if she's really hot for
a properly honed man.

Ratings for "Buckets of Cum"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Brady Bunch"  by Uncle Mike. (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu) This story
raises an interesting question: "What kind of architect would make the six
kids in his blended family share one bathroom?" 

The basic plot of this series centered around the minor problems the three
boys and three girls have getting along with each other.  This week's episode
is no exception.  While Bobby and Greg are raping Marcia in the shower, she
slips and accidentally impales her cunt on Peter's rigid cock.  Meanwhile,
Greg loses his balance, and his penis inadvertently slips firmly into
Marcia's mouth.  Imagine that.  Stranger things have happened on American
sitcoms.  This turns out to be such a pleasant experience that Marcia simply
has to share her pleasure with her sister Jan.  So she sends Cindy (who is to
young for this sort of thing) to sleep with Mom (and presumably with Dad) and
then goes to work on Jan.  Soon we have Marcia sitting on Jan's face while
one guy has a cock buried in Jan's cunt and the other has his rammed down
Marcia's throat.  Then Mom opens the door and catches them, but she just
joins in.  That's how they all became the Brady Bunch.  Sing along now:
That's how they all became the Brady Bunch - the Brady Bunch!

Ratings for "The Brady Bunch"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "Brenda - A Love Story" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).  This is a
story about a man who falls in love with a 13-year-old girl with whom he has
been familiar since she was nine.  In addition, the girl's 11-year-old sister
develops a sexual relationship with his own 17-year-old sister.  There's a
lot more to the story than this, but I am not going to go into the details
here.  All I'll say here is that it's a rich, well-developed story that
presents a reasonable perspective on the problems as well as of the joys of
such a relationship.

The author himself refers to this as a "pedophile love story."
 Interestingly, my on-line dictionary does not define pedophile or
pedophilia.  It goes straight from pedometer to peduncle.  Go figure.
 However, my on-line encyclopedia does have an article on the topic, which
says this:

"Pedophilia is a psychosexual disorder characterized by a sexual desire for
and sexual acts with prepubescent children.  Onset of the disorder can occur
from adolescence through old age, and it occurs predominantly in males.
 About two-thirds of pedophiliacs are attracted to children of the opposite
sex.  Based on evidence from criminal court records, pedophiles usually know
the children that they abuse.  Most pedophiles resort to deception rather
than force. Although much is known about pedophilia, pedophiles themselves
are difficult to treat and recidivism rates are high."

In the present story, the "pedophile" doesn't actually do what my
encyclopedia says pedophiles do; he simply develops a consensual relationship
with a thirteen-year-old whom he has known for several years.  You will note
that although the author himself describes this as a pedophile love story, I
myself have referred to it as a story of emerging adolescence and romance.

Nonetheless, it is important to realize that this story deals with a topic
that sets of alarms in the minds of people who are concerned about children
being harmed by pornography on the Internet.  As a teacher in an American
public school, I am supposed to call to the attention of the legal
authorities behavior that is typically labeled pedophilia, if I become aware
of it.  That's the rules, folks; and I could get into trouble for not
following them.  I hasten to add that I am NOT a member of the Thought
Police.  I work with a large number of troubled adolescents, and I HAVE
worked with the authorities in cases that they refer to as pedophilia.  In no
case that I have witnessed has the relationship been like that described in
this story.  Every case I have ever seen has revealed children who had their
lives screwed up by an exploitive adult.

The notion of falling in love with an innocent and precocious young person is
intuitively appealing.  This story idealizes that intuitive appeal.  

It seems reasonable that society can differentiate between exploitive sex
with children (which is vividly described in Michael K. Smith's
"Remembering") and emotionally sensitive relationships like those described
in this story.  It is my own belief that most children are best advised to
reach a reasonable level of maturity before becoming sexually active and that
many adults who become sexually active with children are likely to be
satisfying their own (perhaps unconscious) needs rather than being helpful to
the children.  In addition, a very large number of psychologists seem to
agree with my belief, and the laws of most countries in Western society
support my position.

On the other hand, stories like this one are realistic presentations of
emotions and feelings.  My hope is that reasonable people can set aside their
biases, read this as the good story it is, and perhaps let the insights they
get from this story influence their thinking about the issues involved.  Many
people will read this story to get some good ideas on how to seduce little
kids or will reject it out of hand because it is about something that is
immoral.  Both groups will waste a perfectly good story.

This story raises a simple question: is it possible to write a story in which
an adult has sexual relations with a young adolescent in a way that would be
approved by reasonable, socially responsible people?  I think this story
(along with several others, including Randu's "Double Trouble" and Santo
Romeo's "Martha Jane") demonstrate that the answer is yes.  The related (and
more volatile) question is can this happen in real life?  The answer
certainly must be yes, it CAN happen.  The crucial question is DOES it
happen?  Or are all adults who do this sexual perverts, as most laws seem to
suggest?  

As I have said earlier, literally all the young children whom I have known to
have experienced sex with an adult were severely exploited.  It may not
always be accurate to call their partners perverts; "sick" or "dysfunctional"
may be better words for some of them.  But - and this is an important BUT -
kids who have had perfectly adaptive - even wonderful - relationships like
those described in this story would have no incentive to come forth and talk
to me about it.  In fact, if they did so, the adults whom they loved would
possibly suffer dire consequences.  I seriously doubt that all adult-child
sexual relationships are as destructive as some child advocacy people would
have us believe; but I also think that most real-life adult-child sexual
relationships are exploitive.

I cannot conclude without mentioning one important issue.  I think we need to
let kids be kids.  In recent years movies and TV shows (especially the soaps)
have combined with peer pressure to urge kids to rush into adulthood way too
fast.  An important part of the mother's logic in this story was that if
Brenda didn't have sexual relations with Richard, she'd be having sex with
someone else real soon.  To the extent that her insight is accurate, her
decision to permit sex with Richard may be valid.  But might it not be better
to find a way to encourage kids to grow up before they have sexual relations?
As I understand it, something like 25-40% of kids in the Western world don't
have sex until they are at least 18 years old.  Granted, a bunch of these
people have major hang-ups; but statistically they're OK people.  If I may
use myself as a case study, I think I really do all right sexually, even
though I had a full childhood before I began my active sex life; and I THINK
the same can be said of my daughters.  Sexuality isn't the only area in which
we tend to push kids too fast; I constantly see parents trying to push
preschoolers into academic programs when they should be playing games or
reading Little Red Riding Hood.  Ooops!  {For an explanation of this Ooops,
see the review of "The Better To...." later in this issue.}  Let's let kids
be kids!

I like stories that raise thought-provoking questions in interesting
contexts.  This story does exactly that.

Ratings for "Brenda's Conquest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Cinnamon" by Patrick Donovan (drwho@world.std.com).  This story was
reposted without an author's name by who@why.not.  The actual author is
Patrick Donovan, and he deserves credit for this excellent story.

This is a vivid description of the narrator making love to Alicia in a
beautiful cove by the ocean on a moonlit night.  It is an extremely
well-written story; and I recommend it strongly.  I had never thought of
using warm cinnamon oil in the manner described in this story.  What I would
like to know is whether that liquid when heated and rubbed gently into the
appropriate aperture really does serve as an effective lubricant for anal
intercourse.

Ratings for "Cinnamon"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Bartenders Have All the Fun" by The Grey Ghost (Reposted by who@why.not)
 A college guy and his friend stay after hours at the bar and have a raucous
party with four girls who have been attending a stag-ette party for one of
the damsels who is getting married.  They play a game called "I've-Never," in
which players take turns, while sitting in a circle, saying something that
they have never done and they think someone else in the party has done.
 {It's the sort of thing that counselors often recommend as an ice-breaker at
touchie-feelie encounter groups.} For instance a guy might say he has never
worn a bra, and all the girls (as well as any guys who had worn a bra) would
be required to drink (or do what the group has decided for that game).  I
myself would really kick ass at a game like this, because I would say, "I
have diagrammed sentences while making love" or "I have had an orgasm while
reading "The Great Gatsby."  Well, as you can easily imagine, somebody in the
group has never done a striptease, and after the appropriate libations,
somebody does do a striptease.  Eventually they play a variation of Blind
Man's Bluff and have an orgy.  A good time is had by all.

Ratings for "Bartenders Have All the Fun"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

* "Brown Nosing" by Phil Phantom.  Some people will dislike this story
because it was originally zipped but now it's decoded.  Others will object
because it is about incest.  I think it's just plain funny.  Anyway, the man
has just gotten a job, but he leaves his wife and family behind in the room
with the boss during the final interview.  The boss fondles the man's
daughter; and the man's son becomes turned on and begins fondling the mother.
 The third child becomes so excited that "she didn't know who to watch."
 That should be "whom," of course.  Some of these authors get so excited that
they screw the hell out of their pronouns as soon as their hormones get
going.

A lot of readers enjoy blackmail and pedophile stories; and this one combines
both.  I usually don't like either element, but I enjoyed this one largely
because of the grotesque perspective.  We see the first part of the story
from the viewpoint of the father, who re-enacts everything that happens while
his wife tells him about it.  The storytelling style is most interesting; it
reminded me of the old Bert and Ernie sequence from Sesame Street ("Did
anything interesting happen today?" "Nope."  "How did you tear your shirt
pocket?"  "Oh, that happened when I was running too fast through the door at
the circus... after Johnny said we had better go home... after the tent
started to collapse... after the mime started yelling and screaming....
because the door to the lion cage had come open... after the tiger devoured
the trainer... right after his partner had been shot by the homicidal maniac
who was using me as a human shield... But don't worry; the S.W.A.T. team shot
him.... right after he threw the hand grenade down my pants.... ) Actually,
the Sesame Street version was a little different, but the idea is that the
wife casually describes to the husband increasingly outrageous activities;
and the guy just listens, tries the ideas out on his wife, makes her cum, and
then says he'll have to have a talk with the kids.

Of course, if this would happen to you and your family in real life, you
should go straight to a good lawyer. Make that an expensive lawyer - they're
easier to find.  The lawyer will fill you in on the details regarding how you
can become immensely rich by suing the bastard for child molestation.

But there's more!  After dropping Dad off at home, Mom goes back to get the
kids at the movies.  She wants to have a talk with them - to make sure they
don't lose respect for her, of course.  So while they're driving home, the
kids essentially gang-rape her with hand jobs in the moving car.  They even
argue over who gets what.  During a typical American car trip, when the
children argue and get out of hand, the parent often screams, "Shuddup, you
little motherfuckers!"  I suppose that would have been ironic under these
circumstances.

But there's more!  Eventually the boss starts making night calls to the
family's house and brings clients to go into the girl's room and plays sex
and bondage games with Sherry and Sandy after using Mom as a warm-up course
while Dad does paperwork for the company.  This pushed me beyond the limits
of what I could endure.  That should be girls' - it's s-apostrophe, not
apostrophe-s, for plural possessives!

This was an interesting but bizarre story.  If any of you try this in real
life, you deserve to be arrested. Then you will burn in hell and will be
forced to live with an American politician for all eternity.

Ratings for "Brown Nosing"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Chambermaid" by Delta (Repost by who@why.not).  I am familiar with
Delta primarily as the author of some of my favorite *long* stories.  My
all-time favorite is "Strip Chess" - because of that story I still cannot
concentrate properly on strategy during a chess game.  This is a much shorter
story - the kind of thing that Ann Douglas or Sue do so effectively.  I was
impressed that Delta could write so well in this different format.

The story is about a woman who has recently broken up with her lover.  A
major problem in her life, she feels, is that she is too fastidious and
predictable.  She is staying in a motel, and she mistakenly puts the "Clean
room" instead of the "Do not disturb" sign on the door knob while she takes a
shower.  When she comes out of the shower and is surprised to find the
chambermaid (a guy) in her room, she impulsively decides to be a lot less
predictable.  You'll have to read the story to find out what this means.

I have a personal insight into how this story was written that makes it even
more impressive to me.  When Delta sent me this story, she told me that she
had written a message to a.s.s., but it was obvious to her that the message
really belonged on a.s.s.d.  However, she knew that if she posted it with the
latter newsgroup, very few people in her target audience would see it.  So
she solved the problem by immediately writing this entire story, and then she
appended the message to the story - and she could now legitimately post the
combination on a.s.s., since it was a story and her message was part of the
disclaimer!  Actually, this is not a new ruse.  You possibly know that there
is some dispute over the authorship of Shakespeare's plays.  As I understand
it, the real story is that those plays were written by a woman who was in
love with her landlady, at a time when such things were viewed askance (women
writing plays, that is).  Anyway, whenever she sent in her rent check, she
enclosed another scene or act (depending on her level of passion at the time)
or a sonnet (if she was really hot).  This is only one hypothesis, but I
think it makes a lot more sense than the Francis Bacon theory; and it also
explains why some of the passages make so little sense.  From one
perspective, Delta's effort pales in comparison - "Shakespeare" also put her
plays into iambic pentameter and her sonnets sort of rhymed sometimes.

Ratings for "The Chambermaid"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "My Sister Jean I" by William G. Hayden.  Because Billy and Jean are
brother and sister, some people would label this an "incest story."  That's
silly.  Incest involves something unnatural - the use of power by one family
member to take sexual advantage of another or sexual intercourse that's
likely to lead to inbreeding.  Nothing like that happens in this story.  This
narrative describes part of a young boy's and his sister's attempt to come to
an understanding of their own sexuality.  Billy has a sister, and he's aware
that she has something to do with sex.  Sex is powerful and mysterious, and
his parents have apparently tried to keep it secret from him.  He enjoys
trying to touch his sister when he wrestles with her; he sneaks up to the
bathroom door to listen to her pee; and he plays with her underwear.  Some of
this is misguided and perhaps strange to readers who have acquired accurate
sexual information from inspired parents, divine infusion, or gutter
conversations.  But what is described in this story is a reasonable,
sensitive description of how a young boy and his sister might begin to
understand their sexuality.  It's not hot sex; it's nostalgia - even for
readers who haven't experienced exactly the same feelings. 

Ratings for "My Sister Jean - Chapter 1
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "My Sister Jean - Ch 8" by BillyG (Yosh@loop.Com).  I reviewed two early
chapters that this author sent me; and then I saw this one in the postings.
 The protagonists have grown up.  I was afraid they'd be having sex with each
other by now.  That's where all these brother/sister stories seem to go.  But
so far what we have here is good healthy flirting and sexual innuendo.  In my
own life I have ruled out sex with my brother.  Period.  This allows me to
share thoughts with him that I would not feel free to share with a potential
sexual partner.  My brother and I don't interact the way Billy and Jean do in
this story; but I enjoy imagining that we do.  I just hope this author avoids
the fascination with the incest taboo and lets this go on as a nice, healthy
story about emerging sexuality.

Ratings for "My Sister Jean - Chapter 8
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "Above & Beyond Call of Duty" by J. Boswell.  Susan needs a few bucks to
make ends meet, and so she joins up with a strip-o-gram service.  She really
gets into it, and she earns big tips by going above and beyond the call of
duty when she mingles with the guests at the parties after she strips and
delivers her birthday message or whatever.  It's a simple story, but
sometimes simple is simply good enough.

Ratings for "Above & Beyond Call of Duty"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

* "Curiosity" by Javahead. The man takes his wife to a strip club and they
befriend a dancer named Kitty Delight. (This was just her stage name, of
course; her real name was Tutu Small).  The wife becomes interested; and one
day she surprises him by joining the cast of dancers.  She does well; but she
dances mostly for him, and they have great sex afterwards.

One nice thing about this story is that it explained the ground rules for lap
dancing:  The dancer does not touch the client with her hands - and he lets
*her* make all the contact. If he were to put his hands anywhere but her
waist, the bouncers would escort him out. As long as she's in control, and
it's a *dance*, it's legal. If he gets to use *his* hands, or she uses *hers*
too close to his crotch, the bar gets shut down for the night and she gets
hauled in for prostitution. Makes sense.  I thought when my daughter told me
she was taking up lap dancing it had something to do with her track team.
 Oh, well; live and learn. (Rating: 9)

Ratings for "Curiosity"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "Composition in Cream and Chocolate" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
(moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).  This repost from who@why.not was reposted
without the author's name. Mary Anne Mohanraj is an outstanding author who
has posted many stories with this newsgroup and who deserves credit for this
story.

I found it difficult to determine exactly what was happening in this story.
 After reading a paragraph or two I often found myself reaching a point where
I gained a new piece of information and had to back up to fit it into the
picture that was gradually emerging in my mind's eye.  This ambiguity is not
a flaw; it's intentional - end it's very well done.  

The theme is unusual: a male stripper gradually revealing himself and
offering his attentions to a female patron.  I have never attended such a
show myself, and all my vicarious experiences have consisted of films and
stories about female strippers.  I HAVE gone with my husband to bars with
striptease dancers (while we've been away at conventions - so that none of my
students will see me entering the establishment and so that I won't
accidentally discover one of my coworkers at her night job.)  My impression
has invariably been one of disappointment; the dancers were simply not very
sexy.  They seemed to be in worse shape than myself, bored with their jobs,
and concerned primarily about squeezing tips out of patrons before putting on
a tawdry display that wasn't really sexy at all.  Nevertheless, it seems
reasonable to FANTASIZE about exotic dancers in terms of wonderment; and this
story turns the tables by making a male dancer the center of attention. I
guess what we have here is the male stripper equivalent of the ideal lap
dance. This was a new and very erotic experience for me.

The show starts in near darkness, as does our understanding of what is going
on.  Even at the end of the story, I wasn't sure exactly what had happened.
 The sex had been explicit, though conducted by candlelight in a dark room;
but questions remained unanswered.  All along I had assumed that the woman
was a patron - but at the end we hear an audience applauding.  And near the
very end we have a reference to a pile of cream and chocolate skin; and I am
struck with the realization that the woman is brown-skinned and the man is
white.  OK; the two must BOTH be dancers, and they've been putting on a show
for an audience.... That's why it's called "Composition in Cream and
Chocolate."  Wait a minute!  I'm going to have to reread major parts of this
erotic narrative - maybe even the whole thing - to see if my new theory fits.
 Gee, that's too bad.  I'm already turned on, and you can never tell what a
second reading is going to do to me....

In recent reviews I have railed against what I have called a demeaning use of
interracial sex in some of the stories.  This story does NOT fall into that
category.  The skin color is part of the ambiance - music, skin color, facial
features, nipples, actions, etc. - that create a sexually charged, poetic
atmosphere.  This is an excellent story. This author has a whole collection
of her stories on the Web at http://mud.bsd.uchicago.edu.

Ratings for "Composition in Cream and Chocolate"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Chantal" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).  {This story
was recently reposted with the author's name removed.} No offense to the rest
of you authors out there - and I may say the same thing about someone else
right after I have read his or her story - but Mary Anne Mohanraj may be the
best writer to post stories on this group.  I would be absolutely astonished
if this author has not written other stories that have gained recognition in
high-quality, mainstream, non-erotic publications.

A lesbian woman is comforting a non-lesbian friend to whom she is
non-reciprocally attracted and who has recently broken up with a jerk of a
guy.  She longs to hug and caress her friend and to make tender love to
Chantal, but she knows that any attempt at closeness will drive Chantal away.
 A knock comes at the door; it is a phony pizza man, who threatens to kill
the woman unless Chantal surrenders herself to his will.  At the crucial
moment the woman breaks free and demands that the man rape her instead of
Chantal.  The rapist at first seems ready to comply, but then he tells the
two women to get it on together for him.  Ironically, the woman's attempt to
rescue Chantal will enable her to achieve her fondest desire - but under
highly undesirable circumstances.

I've told you all but the very end of the story; but I think you'll still
find immense pleasure in reading this well-crafted and highly erotic story.

Ratings for "Chantal"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

{End of CR 218}

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