Message-ID: <4245eli$9709191654@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/Year97/4245.txt> From: The Bear <thebear@IO.COM> References: <5vqed3$gm$1@sparky.wolfe.net> <3421C63A.731A@mindless.com> Subject: Story - Spam Title - The Bear's 1st Entry Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.moderated Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Complaints-To: usenet@io.com X-Trace: nntp-3.io.com 874696063 3694 (None) 192.55.114.105 Path: qz!not-for-mail Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: <usenet-approval@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded <story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Story-Submission: <story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Original-Message-ID: <3422E70A.791F@io.com> Malinov wrote: > Story Contest - Just for Fun > or > If They're Going to Annoy Us, They Might As Well Inspire Us > > Write a story and post it to ASS or ASSM, 1000 words or less, which has > its title stolen from a real piece of SPAM. [I tried to respond to this last night, but seem to be having news-server problems - I don't have a copy of what I posted, so this will be similar but not identical - if you already got the other one with the same title, you can delete this one, unless you just want to compare drafts or something] "Look What I Did When My Boyfriend Left for the Weekend" (spam title from posting of 9/14/97) Laurie wiped the tears from her eyes and slowly waved goodbye as her boyfriend Tommy's car disappeared over the hill. As she turned back toward the house, she wiped her eyes some more, then blew her nose on the sleeve of her sweatshirt. Her eyes itched, and she silently damned the hay fever that always got to her this time of year. She decided to try some Sudafed Plus to see if that would help her allergy symptoms without making her drowsy - - because sleep was the *last* thing she had in mind on this weekend while Tommy was out of town! She sneezed as she went up the steps into the house, causing her large, firm 38DD breasts to shake like Jello - but there was no one around to see this wondrous sight, and Laurie didn't happen to glance down at the moment, so the event passed like a tree falling silently in the forest. Laurie went straight to the medicine cabinet and took a couple of Sudafed, then went to her closet to get ready for the big weekend she had planned in Tommy's absence. Let's see, she thought to herself (because there were no telepaths within range), here's the black push-up bra, matching garter-belt, black silk stockings, g-string panties, tight-fitting red minidress - geez, how could I have left all of this stuff on the floor last night? Just in too much of a hurry to get undressed for bed. She picked up all of the clothing from the floor of the closet and dropped it in the hamper, then went to the back of the closet to the special bookshelf that Tommy had built for her there. Porn videotapes, sexy paperbacks, hardcore sex magazines, ben-wa balls, a vibrating dildo - she had none of these things on her shelves. Instead she had all of her class textbooks neatly arranged, and file folders for assignments in each class. She took down the folder for her European History class, and went back out into the bedroom, to where her desk sat by the window. She smiled a grim smile as she sat down - Tommy didn't know it, but Laurie had plans to spend the whole weekend with Peter! She dug in her backpack and took out the first book she would be pulling cites from, Massie's "Peter the Great", and also took out several other books on Russian history that she would need. She piled the books on her desk, but couldn't make herself open them - for there was a yearning inside her that needed satisfaction before she could hit the books. She knew that she would be completely unable to concentrate until she had taken care of this primal urge - so she went to the kitchen for a bag of Hershey's chocolate kisses and a jar of peanut butter to dip them in. Back at her desk, she sensuously licked peanut butter from a chocolate morsel, then popped it into her mouth and chomped it down, mixing chocolate and peanut butter in a blend of pure hedonistic pleasure. She knew there was one more thing she had to do before beginning the outline of her paper - she switched on the computer and began to ponder whether she should browse the numerous Free Porn pages with their enormous banners and tiny links to promised pix, or whether she should hit the newsgroups - alt.sex.stories, rec.arts.movies.erotica, maybe one of the alt.binaries.* groups ... No, she decided at last, none of those would have any information on Russian history, at least not anything she could use (great peters they had, but probably not Peter the Great). She clicked over to Infoseek and started looking for academic works on Russia, industrialization, Europeanization, St. Petersburg, etc, etc. It would be a long night ... *********** Finally it was Sunday afternoon, and the paper was complete. Laurie saved the final draft on her hard-drive, then backed it up on a Zip. She yawned and stretched her arms high over her head, arching her back to its limit and producing more amazing but unobserved effects as her bra-less boobs moved beneath the surface of her loose sweatshirt. She blew her nose on a kleenex brand tissue, rubbing her tired and itchy eyes and wishing for an anti-allergy medication that would work like it claimed it did for a change. She was groggy, she knew, from having less than four hours of sleep over the whole weekend. Her stomach churned with the great quantities of Mountain Dew, Doritos, and chocolates that she had consumed during the marathon reading/writing/rewriting session. She yearned for sleep, and got up to move toward the bed ... but wait - was that Tommy’s car she heard approaching? There was one thing she needed more than sleep, and only Tommy could supply it. Laurie ran outside and practically pulled Tommy from the car as he stopped in the driveway. “Oh baby,” she cried out, “Come on inside, I need you, I need you so badly - you have *got* to fix these #%^$^*& printer driver files so the sonofabitching printer will print my paper! I’ve been working on the damned thing all weekend and it’s due tomorrow and I can’t get the printer to work and it says to load some driver or something and I am so bloody tired I am about to faint ...” Following him up the steps to the house, she patted him on the ass. “One more thing, babe - after you fix the printer, let’s fuck.” The Bear -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | \ <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/> .../assm/faq.html> /