Message-ID: <3918eli$9709081127@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Archived-At: <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/Year97/3918.txt>
From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 214 - Sept 6
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.d,alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d
Path: qz!not-for-mail
Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam
Approved: <usenet-approval@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded <story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Story-Submission: <story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us>
X-Original-Message-ID: <970908084501_1355725478@emout19.mail.aol.com>
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 214 - September 6, 1997
Note: An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a
savage" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate the passage
correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is a savage."
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock" by MAW (ff mind
control) 9, 6, 6
" Violence in Video Games" by Kim (rough sex) 9, 10, 10
"The Drive In" by Mike Hunt (threesome) 10, 10, 10
"She Invited Me to Fuck Her Over the Net" by Lysander
(really unusual cybersex) 10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"My Wife" by Tyler Peach (poorly written mindless sex)
0, 0, 0
"Her Bet" by Ray Shine (husband humiliation) 8, 8, 6
"The Art Critic" by Seurat (femdom) 9.5, 10, 7.5
"Hero to Zero" by MC Woodsmoke (superhero sex) 7, 8, 7
"The best laid plans . . . sometimes work out OK" by Frank
McCoy (mindless incest ) 9, 4, 2
"The Girl Next Door" by Mack (easy neighbor) 10, 7, 8
"The Expensive Date" by Gaius (a cautionary tale)
9.6, 9.5, 9.0
Reposted Reviews:
* "Kayla and Martin" by Mark Aster (pregnant thoughts)
10, 10, 10
* "Vacation Doesn't Count" by J. Boswell (wife watching)
9, 9, 8
"Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock" by MAW (MS4EVER321@aol.com). This is
Number 9 in the Hypno Celeb series. I just plunged into this one without
reading any others in the series, and that left me at the slight disadvantage
of not knowing how the magic disk induces mind controlled sex. Anyway, Julia
and Sandra are hypnotized into having sex with each other, so that somebody
can videotape them and sell the tape to people that would like to see that
sort of thing.
The sex is clearly presented, but the only real appeal of the story is that
readers who are familiar with these two movie stars can visualize two real
people doing the things that this story says they do. That didn't really
inspire me.
Ratings for "Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Violence in Video Games" by Kim (kim@nym.alias.net). I don't like violence
in real-life sexual relationships, but I did enjoy this story. It was a good
presentation of the feelings of a woman involved in a dysfunctional
relationship - kinda like the people you see on Gerry Springer's tabloid talk
show.
The woman is married to or boyfriended with a guy who has a severe self-image
problem: he wants to feel superior, but she beats him at everything. He
keeps putting her down and looks for a way to feel superior. {Note to young
readers who are not supposed to be here but probably are anyway: If you have
boyfriend who acts like this, drop the bum right now. If you don't, things
will only get worse. Read this story to see how.} Eventually the lame-ass
decides that they will have violent sex, just for the fun of it. She agrees;
and on the appointed day he starts beating the shit out of her. To her
surprise, she enjoys it. To his surprise, she turns the tables and beats the
shit out of him.
As I said, this is a story about a dysfunctional relationship. But it's a
realistic story. I've known several women who have gone through pretty much
the same thing, and this story gives a vivid depiction of what they
experienced. My theory is that if you enjoy this story, you're probably
normal; but if you enjoy doing the things they do in this story, you should
see a counselor.
Ratings for "Violence in Video Games"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Drive In" by Mike Hunt (MrM1KE@aol.com). The author himself says that
this is a simple suck and fuck story. That means that there will be no
character development or philosophical insights about the meaning of life -
unless, of course, sucking and fucking ARE the meaning of life.
The basic plot consists of two guys and a girl who go to a drive-in on a
double date which one of their dates missed because she cut her finger. So
the one girl says to her boyfriend in the front seat, "I can't fuck with you
with Mike Hunt in the back seat." And so they all three get in the back seat
and have a threesome.
This story has some problems with anachronisms. For example, it assumes that
drive-ins that showed x-rated movies existed on this planet at the same time
that there were answering machines. But hey, this is a suck and fuck story,
not the History Channel.
But a little historical background may be necessary. Drive-ins (also known
as passion pits) were places where non-Catholic guys and girls went to have
sex in their cars while somebody played movies on a large screen. Or at
least that's what Sister Mary Marshmallow said. Like, the film could break,
and nobody would notice for a half hour or so. And for some reason cars
rocked back and forth in odd ways.
To my eternal embarrassment, the first time I was asked to go on a date to a
drive-in, I asked what movie was playing there.
Ratings for "The Drive In"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"She Invited Me to Fuck Her Over the Net" by Lysander
(lysander@bitsmart.com). Every once in a while I get the silly idea that I
have seen all the possible basic plots on this newsgroup. I think I'm going
to stop having that silly idea.
The narrator of this story is essentially a lunatic with special powers -
like being able to find his lost keys without even praying to St. Anthony.
It turns out that one of his special powers is being able to insert pointed
parts of his anatomy into the computer when he dials up those Internet sex
lines that occupy so much of the spam space on a.s.s. Well, as you can
imagine, he gets a Golden Membership and lives happily ever after.
It's even more interesting when you read it the way the author wrote it.
Ratings for "She Invited Me to Fuck Her Over the Net"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"My Wife" by Tyler Peach (insideit@hotmail.com). Guest review by Kim.
Celeste's opening comment, when she sent this for review, was "I keep trying
to find something that won't make you change panties so often". Well, she
certainly managed to fulfill that desire with this one!
This story purports to be the daily diary of a dominated husband, used and
abused by his gorgeous but cruel wife. There follows a catalogue of some of
the worst excesses that could be shoehorned into a story, including such
delights as scat, water sports, repeated anal rape, grinding misogyny and,
perhaps worst of all, overt racism. Actually, come to think of it, describing
this as a story elevates it way beyond it's true status.
At first I started to read it with a smile, as I thought it would be so bad
that it somehow transcended bad into enjoyable, like the films of Ed Wood.
Unfortunately, it was so relentlessly gross, so unendingly badly written, so
singularly without merit that I came to the conclusion that, no it was just
plain bad. I'd say it's probably the worst story I've ever had the misfortune
to actually read, and I've read some bad ones, believe me.
To top it all off, managing to add insult to injury, it's just a barely
disguised ad for a crappy commercial web site. And I thought it couldn't get
any worse.
Somehow I don't think I'll need to be changing my panties after this one. If
anyone should happen to get off on this stuff, then all I can say is, "You're
one sad fuck!". Apart from all that, it was just great.
Ratings for "My Wife"
Athena (technical quality): 0 (you're kidding, right?)
Venus (plot & character): 0 (the word "lame" mean anything?)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 0 (the absolute pits!)
"Her Bet" by Ray Shine (shysub@canttell.com). Guest review by BluePencil.
There are a few rules you need to know to succeed in life.
Always read the fine print. Never arm wrestle with a guy named "Tiny". And
never, ever, make a sure-thing sexual bet with your wife without knowing what
you'll pay if you LOSE.
Our hapless hero apparently never learned the last rule. When his wife
offers to bet him a blow job on the outcome of an election, he carefully
plugs the loopholes . . . by specifying "plenty of tongue and head action and
swallowing all the cum and even eating what spills." You'd think knowing
that his wife HATES giving blow jobs would clue him in, but since it wasn't
tattooed on his forehead in bright red 24-point text he manages to overlook
this little detail. Some people's kids . . .
Give him this; having lost, he is ready to pay the price. Until his wife
explains that she wants him to pay off with a REAL blow job. As she quite
logically points out, she isn't equipped to fully appreciate his forfeit -
but she has a coworker that she's SURE would like enjoy it. Of course, hubby
does have a choice . . . if he doesn't want redeem his bet she will be more
than happy to take her handsome, young, well-hung friend into the bedroom and
make it up to him. All night long. While hubby waits outside.
How would YOU react if your wife waited until she had you naked and tied up
before explaining all this? I know how I'D react in this situation. I'd be
willing to hazard a guess about how most men (and women, in the analogous
case) would react. As you can probably sense, Our Hero doesn't follow the
crowd. What choice DOES he make? How does his wife react? How will this
affect their relationship? Is it better to be a cocksucker or a cuckold?
You'll have to read the story to find out.
Yes, this is a husband humiliation story. I'll state it plainly: it's a
reasonably well written story of a genre I don't personally enjoy. The prose
is workmanlike, and Shine has done a decent job of characterization; he
managed to make the characters believable, if not compelling.
Am I damning with faint praise? Perhaps. If you like husband humiliation
stories you'll probably enjoy this one. If you don't like the genre, you may
want to skip past.
Ratings for "Her Bet"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot and character): 8
BluePencil (appeal to reviewer): 6
"The Art Critic" by Seurat {Chapter Four of "The Twighlight Zone" series}.
Guest review by Piper.
This is a femdom story. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. To start with, Alan
O'Neill (that's the art critic and the central character in this story) makes
a life-altering mistake. He accepts the invitation of a beautiful artist
named Ms. Tara Worthington to go to her place and have a cup of tea. Rather
innocuous, you say? Nay. Before the evening is over, he's been drugged,
raped, tied down, and had some sort of science-fictiony crystals permanently
embedded in his skin. According to the explanation, they can do some pretty
strange things, one of which is to stimulate the body's nerves in ways that
can enhance pleasure, deaden feeling, or cause pain. You see, in addition to
being an artist, she also works as a "computer-technochemist" (whatever that
is) at a super-advanced high-tech company.
Like the men in most femdom stories, Alan has a serious physical problem.
Whenever his prick starts to inflate, it cuts off most of the blood flow to
his brain. His IQ drops by a minimum of fifty points. In other words, when
aroused, he thinks with his little head. (Since he, and they, start out a
few cards short of a full deck to begin with in my opinion, there's not much
left in the intelligence department when they get a raging hard-on.) In
addition to that, also in the best tradition of femdom stories, Alan is given
a series of choices by Tara. Or rather, he is given a series of non-choices.
Take an early one, for example. Secured to a bed, wrapped up in a straight
jacket, with his family jewels firmly tied to the headboard and a gag in his
mouth, he is given the choice of getting up and leaving or letting her give
him a blow job. Happily for her, he doesn't get up.
Apparently, Tara wants Alan for six more weeks. Each week, on Wednesday, he
is to follow some instructions that somehow manage to magically appear
somewhere in or around his house. Failure to do so will be rewarded with
"punishment" - increasing levels of pain in his privates. At the end of the
sixth week, he'll be released. Like in most femdom stories, he does as he is
told. Mental anguish aside, he enjoys some parts of what is done to him, and
doesn't enjoy others. Unexpected things happen. Early on, he finds out that
Tara is a member of a large, secretive organization devoted to promoting the
interests of strong-minded women. They are a powerful and wealthy
sisterhood.
Personally, I don't really enjoy femdom stories that much. I identify too
closely to the male protagonist(s) in stories I read. If I was put through
what this guy was put through, despite the threats and consequences, I
probably would have broken the first commandment several times. Especially
after finding out that I was being lied to. I would not make a good slave.
There's this little part of me that insists on being able to make my own
choices. Real ones. Call it a flaw if you like, but it's there. I also
happen to be a firm believer in trust, commitment, and faith between life
partners. When the story started, Alan was a loving and trusting husband.
That's something else that was destroyed.
Technically, the story is pretty tight. There are a few spelling problems
and a few spots where formatting and punctuation could be better, but not
many. I'm probably a little harder than Celeste in this category, since I
read quickly and every snag makes me stop and figure out what's wrong with
what my eyes just passed over. This tends to interrupt the story flow, and
my enjoyment. Advice to Seurat: let someone else proofread your story.
They'll find little things that you simply cannot spot, no matter how
carefully you check it yourself. Believe me, I know that from experience.
While it probably won't increase your readership, it will give greater
pleasure to the people who are reading your stories.
"The Art Critic" is a very good femdom story - imaginative, entertaining, and
not too nasty. As a regular story, it's still a little better than average.
I was disappointed a little bit at the end. There's not enough of an
exploration of Alan's feelings about what happened. It's almost like the
author cut the story short. Somehow, with the time and effort put into the
rest of it, I doubt this is what happened. More likely, the author wanted to
leave some ambiguity and let the reader make up their own minds about what
the final paragraphs mean.
As a last note, let me say that there is a distinct split in femdom stories.
In one group, the man ultimately ends up taking pleasure in serving the
needs of his female masters and submitting to their every perverse torment.
In another group, he doesn't take pleasure in it, even though he is forced
to do the exact same things; he ends up as a tortured soul. In between,
there's this tiny, minuscule, sliver of a group that doesn't fit into either
of the first two categories. I'm not going to tell you which category this
story fits into. That would spoil the surprise.
Ratings for "The Art Critic"
Technical merit 9.5
Plot & character 10
Appeal to reviewer 7.5 (not my cup of tea)
"Hero to Zero" by MC Woodsmoke (woodsmok@gte.net ). Guest review by DG.
Like the television shows on which the characters are based ("Hercules" and
"Xena, Warrior Princess"), "Hero to Zero" by MC Woodsmoke is light, frothy,
and extremely silly.
Two of the Greek big shots, the God Zeus and the Goddess Mnemosyne, are
bickering, and poor Hercules is caught in the middle. All he wants to do is
be a good Hero to the people by saving them from the many terrible dangers
that abound in this land (you know: Towering Giants, Drooling Monsters,
Cheesy Dialogue, that sort of thing) and be a good Husband to his hot new
Wife.
Our Hero returns home from a trip with his new friends Xena and Gabrielle,
and his wife leaps into his arms and says "Is that a Spartan Spear in your
pocket, or are you just glad to see me?" This sort of dialogue bodes well
for the reader in search of a few laughs (and for Herc himself), but
unfortunately the author can't quite maintain this high standard.
In order to divert Hercules from his usual heroic pursuits, Mnemosyne has
devised a needlessly complicated scheme involving lots and lots of athletic,
mindless sex. If the thought of Xena, Warrior Princess being swept up in a
haze of lust and fucking a well-hung, handsome satyr is something that
resonates in your libido, than you are going to enjoy this story more than I
did. You can tell that it resonates for the author: as soon as the leather
skirts and copper breastplates hit the ground, his syntax, spelling, and
sentence structure go to hell - you can almost hear the panting as commas are
sprayed everywhere.
Maybe I'm being a little harsh. The sex is wild and furious, and the
inconsistent writing doesn't really grate like it might in a more serious
story. But I was hoping for more of the humor that characterized the
beginning of the story. Like when the satyr who acts as Herc's personal
trainer slaps his forehead and says "Oy Vey" when he sees Herc succumbing to
his wife's charms.
The problem, for me, is that characters have to be somewhat realistic and
sympathetic in order for a story to work on a purely erotic level. In this
case, my dick never even twitched. And the story isn't quite funny enough
for me to recommend it purely on a comedic basis. But if you're a big fan of
the TV shows, or if you like cartoon superhero sex, you might want to check
it out.
Ratings for "Hero to Zero"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 8
DG (appeal to reviewer): 7
"The best laid plans . . . sometimes work out OK" by Frank McCoy. Guest
review by BillyG
The technical aspect of this story, while fairly good, is a bit marred by
occasional too-long paragraphs, made-up, nonsense words and the annoying
overuse of parenthetical statements.
That summarizes the best features of this tale. The remainder of this review
will be largely scathing.
Because I've written a few stories that touch very lightly on incestuous
issues, I suppose Celeste thought I might be view this story with a non-
jaundiced eye. Well, I tried, and then tried again. W. C. Fields said, "If
at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. No use being a
damn fool about it."
If you have a keen, almost fanatical interest in impregnation-incest, you may
find this story interesting, even conceivably arousing, although it
stretching the limits of credulity in my eye. Linda, a mono-maniacal 28-
year-old woman has five children whose ages range from 10 to 16. A casual
glance at the chronological arithmetic indicates that this mother started her
own family when she was 12! More, it's set forth that she was married at the
time. George, her barely two-dimensional husband shares her mania for the
impregnation of their two daughters, ages 10 and 12.
The almost non-existent plot soon begins to evaporate, giving way to a long
expository on impregnation without a hint of character development,
sensuousness, or sexuality. In brief, it's a one-trick pony. If the idea of
incestuous impregnation is exciting, you conceivably might find this worth of
reading. On the other hand, I suspect even those readers who find the idea
interesting, even titillating, will be bored by this tale.
It's difficult to imagine that many people would be appalled, for the story
is too superficial and too artificial to stir any emotions deeper than
boredom.
Grades: 9, 4, 2
"The Girl Next Door" by Mack (bo263@cleveland.Freenet.Edu). Guest review by
Mike Hunt.
"The Girl Next Door" is a simple fuck and suck story. Who wants to read one
of those, anyway? But when the teacher gives an assignment, you have to do
it, right?
This ought to be a good story. The writer claims it's true. The set-up could
happen. So why did it disappoint? Because real stories ought to be REAL. I
don't know how many times you've lived next door to a "gorgeous" babe who
suntans in the backyard in the nude, who tweaks her "half-inch" nipples, and
who waltzes around in a partly open robe with "her fingers... playing
hide-and-seek in her blonde pubic hair"; but I'll wager it's not been often.
Later, as a "thank you" for helping with her car, she suddenly whips off her
top and says "Suck my titties!" Fairly ripe language for someone he just met
a few minutes earlier. Of course she's a screaming banshee, as evidenced by
her overly enthusiastic orgasm a few paragraphs later: "OH FUCK, OH YES,
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, AGHHHHHHH! FUCK FUCK YES O GOD YES FUCK MEEEEEEEEEEEE!
FASTER! OH FUCK, DO IT! I'M CUUMMMMMMMIIIIIIINNNNNG!"
Mack, I think, has potential as a writer, and it's not really a bad story.
But when you set it up as "essentially true", it should be believable. This
one wasn't. I'd like to see another from him, but perhaps with a little more
plausible development of the action.
Of course of all people I should talk!
Ratings for "The Girl Next Door"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Mikeus (appeal to reviewer): 8
"The Expensive Date" by Gaius ( pec@richmond.infi.net). Guest review by Sven
the Elder.
Well - a strange tale, indeed a cautionary tale. A pickup with a difference:
that it goes wrong is the reason for it being expensive. How it goes wrong
and the sting in the tale you must read for yourself. If I relate, or
outline things it will spoil all. The sex, and the build up to it is very
hot, the storyline is believable, but perhaps stretches a point. Hence I
felt it a story that approached the style of fable that Rudyard Kipling
reached in his 'Just So' stories. Things that you think might be suspicious,
are, and then all goes totally 'pear-shaped' for our poor 'hero'. Truly a
cautionary tale, as is stated, a strange, I wanted to say not totally
enjoyable story, but that would be unfair and incorrect. It is very
readable. Perhaps not to the taste of all and certainly how not to be
treated during a 'first date'. Technically, allowing for the vagaries of
'American' english and 'English english, this was properly checked and seems
to me to reach a high standard. (Celeste will probably correct me on that!
<g>) I have deducted a small amount for made up words (footachinations!) and
the use of one of the Celestial List of Credulous Assumptions. (In fact it
was number two on the list!) Otherwise all seemed OK.
Ratings for "The Expensive Date"
Technical quality: 9.6
Plot & character: 9.5
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 9.0
* "Kayla and Martin" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). Great news! Pat is
pregnant with twins! In this story Pat and Our Hero meet Kayla and Martin in
the lobby of a restaurant and join them for dinner. Martin is obviously
attracted to the pregnant Pat, while Our Hero plays footsie with Kayla.
After dinner they all go up to Kayla and Martin's room for postprandial sex.
The author does his usual excellent job of choreographing several people
having sex simultaneously.
Ratings for "Kayla and Martin"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Vacation Doesn't Count" by J. Boswell. The title of this story is derived
from one of the few American aphorisms that has not been attributed to either
Mark Twain, Will Rogers, or Ben Franklin: "What happens on vacation doesn't
count when you get back to the 'real world.'" I assume it was actually
Benjamin Disraeli who first spoke these words.
Sondra is a happily married mother of three who goes on vacation with her
husband and discovers that she enjoys showing off her body. Her husband eats
this action up. She takes part in a wet t-shirt contest with some college
kids, and her husband can hardly wait to get his dick into her. For an
encore she invites the four college kids staying at the cottage next door in
for some sex in the jacuzzi. Same reaction from hubby. And they go further
and further - in hotels, with limo drivers, etc. Every time, the sex is hot;
and the husband gets his piece right afterwards. I doubt that this sort of
thing really works out all this well in real life, but it certainly is an
interesting fantasy!
Grammar review! What's wrong with this sentence?
Always the perfect "lady," bordering on "prim and proper,"
I was looking forward to seeing my wife in the tiny bikinis
and revealing one-piece bathing suits she had purchased
for our trip.
Answer: It suggests that the narrator is part of a lesbian marriage. The
sentence begins with a misplaced modifier that gives this impression. A
problem with starting a story with bad grammar is that the policy is likely
to beget cynicism in the mind of the English teacher reviewing it. When the
narrator sees four college guys ogling his luscious wife who is sun bathing
au naturel, he describes it thus:
My cock had been rock hard for the hour, and now I
started to lightly caress it. I think it was only peer
pressure keeping the boys from doing the same.
There's nothing really all that bad about this sentence, but the reader who
is predisposed to think the author uses bad grammar is likely to say, "So
what? A little peer pressure on their cocks might feel pretty good under the
circumstances."
Having written those past few paragraphs, I can now justify this time as work
rather than recreation. I think I'll go get some recreation now.
Ratings for "Vacation Doesn't Count"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
--
+--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+
| story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us |
| Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ |
\ <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/> .../assm/faq.html> /