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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Fwd: Celestial Reviews 165 - March 19, 1997
X-Is-Review: yes
Moderator's note ------
Celeste's foreword to me ------
When you were getting long delays with a.s.s.m., people started complaining
to me, and Uther Pendragon restated his offer to post for me, and so I sent
the last two issues to him for posting. I thought he would send them to
a.s.s.m. as well, but I don't think he did so.
Anyway, here is my current issue, which has already been posted on a.s.s. and
a.s.s.d.
I THINK I missed only one issue for a.s.s.m. I am forwarding that to you
with this message.
- Celeste
------ end foreword
------ end note
---------------------
Forwarded message:
From: anon584c@nyx.net (Uther Pendragon)
Date: 97-03-20 00:47:03 EST
Celestial Reviews 165 - March 19, 1997
Note: There was once a married couple, and the wife had a serious problem
that her husband could not stand. She liked to wear skirts without anything
on underneath.
One day, after he went to work, she decided she was going shopping for some
new shoes. She got dressed in her favorite skirt and went out to the local
shoe store.
While she was there a man helped her try on a number of shoes, and no doubt
he enjoyed it because he had the perfect view from down there.
After several hours of this he could take no more and said to her, "Miss I
don't mean to be rude or anything but I can't take this anymore. I would love
to eat your pussy full of ice cream."
At this she became totally disgusted and stormed out of the store shouting
her husband would be here to kick his ass later. She went straight home and
waited for here husband.
When he came home, she explained the whole situation to him and demanded that
he go and beat this guy senseless. He simply replied. "No; for three reasons.
One, you shouldn't have been out in a skirt without anything on underneath.
Two, you have hundreds of shoes and don't need any more. Three, anybody who
can eat that much ice cream, I'm not messing with in the first place!"
Second Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my stories
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Dinner Time!" by Duclinea (sex before dinner) 10, 9, 10
"Shaving Cream" by Duclinea (romantic fun) 10, 10, 10
"The Photographer" by Mike Hunt (voyeurism & spouse
watching) 10, 10, 10
"Early Morning Love" by Summer's Rose (sex in the shower)
10, 9, 9
"Property Of" by Meredith P. (maniacal castration) 8, 9, 9
"Trip" by Plainman (intelligent & sexy hedonism) 10, 10, 10
"Light Like Butter" by Mark Aster (gay identity) 10, 10, 10
"Midnight Swim" by K. Reber (swimming pool sex) 7, 7, 7
* "Grey" by Lysander (romance) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"Dinner Time!" by Duclinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). The wife asks the husband
to set the table for dinner. Instead he fools around and makes romantic love
to her. Technically, this could be construed as eating dessert before dinner,
which is a violation of Grandma's Law. As a result, he has mushy broccoli
for dinner, but he eats it happily. And later that night, he has a second
helping of dessert.
Ratings for "Dinner Time!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Shaving Cream" by Duclinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). The man wants to make
love, but his wife wants to shave her legs. They compromise. He shaves her
legs, and then things really heat up. This is a very sexy, playful story.
Ratings for "Shaving Cream"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Photographer" by Mike Hunt (BannerBoy1@aol.com). The guy is a
high-quality amateur photographer, and his neighbor asks him to take some
glamour shots of his lovely wife. It seems that the wife is a bit shy and
that she found it hard - er, difficult - to be sexy around the last
photographer, who was a bit of a geek. Our friendly hero is certainly not a
geek - just a conscientious photographer who wants to do a good job and who
happens to get a hard-on while applying the makeup to various hills and
valleys while preparing the subject for the session. When the makeup doesn't
blend properly with the blush brush, he finds it necessary to work it in with
his fingers. A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do. And so when hubby
leaves to run out and get the third bottle of wine, our hero comes to the
sudden realization that there might be another way to loosen up his shy,
demure neighbor in order to help her strike those sexy poses that her husband
so desperately wants. Indeed, once she gets the guys to take their clothes
off, the wife isn't really all that bashful anymore.
Of course, makeup has to be applied for the beaver shots as well. Why do
guys call a picture that reveals a girl's pussy a beaver shot? Dammed if I
know! {Note: You have to read the spelling of the word "dammed" in the
previous sentence carefully in order to derive satisfaction from this very
clever pun.} Eventually the application of the makeup (a white creamy
mixture) gets a bit out of hand, if you know what I mean. In the end <g>
they decide that another session might be necessary.
Ratings for "The Photographer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Early Morning Love" by Summer's Rose (sumersrose@aol.com). This is a story
about good, clean sex - that is, sex in the shower. The woman is having warm
thoughts in a warm shower, when her lover joins her for some early morning
delight. This is a very short but sexy story, reminiscent of the work of
Dulcinea. I usually don't like the second person (you) narrative format,
because I feel that it will distract at least some of the readers of a story.
However, in the present case this frame of reference did not distract ME,
largely because some of my own favorite experiences have occurred under very
similar circumstances.
Speaking of favorite experiences, don't you find it odd that there have been
so few stories on this newsgroup that mention ingesting chocolate chips from
private parts of the anatomy during lovemaking?
Ratings for "Early Morning Love"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Property Of" by Meredith P. (MeredithP3@aol.com). One night Robert finds
himself giving a blowjob to Gail - one of those women to whom he would not
normally be attracted but who looked a lot prettier around closing time. It
turns out that she doesn't really like the blowjob, and so he leaves; but
Robert subsequently receives a notice from a lawyer that he will be charged
with rape. It seems pretty certain that he will do hard time in prison,
because "any female can send any man or boy to prison any time she wants.
All she has to do is scream and point!" Robert checks with his brother who
is already in prison, and he discovers that almost anything is preferable to
time in the Big House; and so he agrees to undergo castration as a settlement
to avoid prosecution. The actual castration will be performed by Gail under
the supervision of a trained surgical nurse. The severed ("culpable") organs
will become the property of Gail or her assignees.
The preceding is the more easily believable, straight part of the story. If
you can buy these premises, you are ready for the rest of the story, which is
full of surprises and unusual violence. I'm not sure some of this stuff is
even possible - and I hope I never find out. Unless, of course, my husband
ever fools around on me. If that happens, I have a few other ideas that I can
add to this story.
Ratings for "Property Of"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Trip" by Plainman (an10176@anon.nymserver.com). This story uses a
completely narrative format to offer an excellent blend of hot and sexy
romantic fiction with several levels of voyeurism and reality. By several
levels, I mean SEVERAL levels: we even have critiques of other a.s.s. authors
worked into the storyline. I simply HAD to keep reading to see if I came up.
{Or as my husband put it, "God, you even smell sexy. Why don't you just use
the search function to check for "Celest" and come to bed with me?" I did;
Plainman did not; we did; but I got back up to finish the story after I
exhausted my husband while I was describing a bisexual fantasy to him.}
In this storye have two sexy married couples. In each family the husband and
wife are passionate lovers in a predominantly monogamous but still open
marriage. They enjoy incorporating fantasies into their love life; and as
the story develops, they bring their fantasies into their real lives in very
sexy ways. This author does a wonderful job of using the narrative format to
blend flashbacks with present action in such a way as to fuse sexy events
into even hotter images. In addition, the action outside the sack is often
as hot as the actual lovemaking.
There are many interesting and sexy scenes in this story. Here I'll quote
only the one that makes a point that I myself have tried to make several
times in these reviews:
"Joe: ...She (Joe's wife) says it herself - most women are bi, more or less.
Princess: So are most guys, but you have more incentives to hide it from
yourselves - so anyway, how bi IS Amy?"
My allegation has always been not that most people SHOULD have sex with
people of both genders, but simply that most people COULD enjoy having sex
with people of both genders if they wouldn't suppress those urges - and
perhaps suppress them for perfectly good reasons, such as ethical believes or
a commitment to a monogamous relationship. But if I enjoy diddling my own
clit and having my husband eat me out, why in the world (aside from
conditioned, emotional reactions) would I find it UNpleasant to have a
beautiful woman do the same things to me while I returned the favor? And the
same goes for guys - except, as Princess says, they have more incentives to
hide or suppress their interest.
Oh well, my own commitment to this principle extends only to reading and
enjoying both kinds of stories. As Joe and Princess put it, I'm hetero and
monogamous in my real world but bi and polyamorous in my reel world. Anyway,
I feel an urge to expound my theory at least once every six months. And this
story is an excellent example of my theory in practice.
These couples represent a hedonistic lifestyle that I personally reject in
real life because I know it would ruin something beautiful with my husband -
but a story likes this presents the case for the temptation in a very
persuasive manner.
I strongly recommend this story. It's a clever, narrative mixture of Mark
Aster, Tom Trilogy, and Uther Pendragon in a SueNH atmosphere with about
thirty-five Dulcinea stories blended into the plot.
Ratings for "Trip"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Light Like Butter" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). Readers take warning!
Even though I give this story a high rating and although it is about sex,
there is actually no sexual activity in it. It is not likely that this story
will give you an orgasm or even lead directly to foreplay. It's a
retrospective story about a young man who some time ago "came out of the
closet" and informed his parents that he was gay. They (especially the
father) essentially disowned him, and the story is written from the
perspective of the son returning home for his father's funeral. Almost
everything is left unsaid, but this is still a very touching story.
Ratings for "Light Like Butter"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Midnight Swim" by K. Reber (krreber@ix.netcom.com). The woman goes for a
late night swim at the motel and is joined by her lover. I like this motif,
but it could have been developed a lot more completely.
Ratings for "Midnight Swim"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
* "Grey" by Lysander. In proportion to its overall length, there's actually
relatively little sex in this story. Grey is the name of a woman to whom the
narrator offers a ride. Throughout the first half of the story they drive
across the country for several weeks, longing for each other, but not making
their mutual feelings known. Finally, they do make their feelings known to
each other, and the sexual activity becomes loving and hot. There are
several complications that make the story more interesting, but you can find
these for yourself. I really like stories that have good character
development as well as hot sex, and this is one of those stories.
Ratings for "Grey"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
END OF POST
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