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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: {ASS} Celestial Reviews 206 - August 9
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Celestial Reviews 206 - August 9, 1997
Note: I'm taking a short vacation, but because of the guest reviewers there
will be almost no interruption in Celestial Reviews. That means that if
you're a reviewer sitting on a review, you might want to send it to me, so
that I have enough reviews for CR 207.
Second note: Two people have been reposting large numbers of stories:
Storyman (not StorysMan, who has an s) and Voracious Reader. Both are using
the stories as come-ons to introduce their web sites. While I'm sure many
readers are happy to obtain access to so many stories, I see some problems.
First, I downloaded one labeled "hookedon.txt," which turned out to be "Just
a Little Country Girl" by Jay Boswell - only the author's name was omitted!
Two others were "Lavinia.txt" and Lavinia8.txt," which are parts 1 and 8 of
Friar Dave's "Lavinia." Are there really readers out there who are so
desperate for a story with sex in it that they would actually want just these
two chapters of this excellent story? Sometimes it seems obvious to me that
it would be better to do a better job of posting a smaller number of stories
with more detailed and accurate information.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Mystery Flasher" by Phloighd (exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
"Greek to Me" by Hugh Jardon (anal quickie) 8, 6, 6
"Our Special Moment" by Ojo de Ella (relaxing but intense
lovemaking) 10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Carmen Sandiego" by Dimitri (sex in exotic places)
6, 5, 5
"I'm Going to Fuck Your Wife" by Storysman (rape)
9, 9, 3
"Nottamun Town" by Mr Spraycan (adventures in
fantasyland) 10, 10, 10
"The Aztec Earrings" by K. Moore (transgender) 10, 9, 9
"Simpsons: Episode 2" by GzAxgaiefX (sitcom parody)
2, 1, 1
Reposted Reviews:
* "Gilligan Mashukah" by Richard Dunstan (sitcom parody)
10, 10, 10
* "Box of Delights" by Orion (mind control) 9, 9, 9
"Mystery Flasher" by Phloighd (jroot@netmcr.com). The narrator is working in
a remote section of a record and book store. A very attractive woman comes
up to his counter and starts flirting with him. The conversation is sexy and
seductive. There's really not much to say about this story, except that it's
extremely sexy and seductive - and I've already said that.
This is this author's first story. Either he got lucky or I want to see a
lot more stories from him.
Ratings for "Mystery Flasher"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Greek to Me" by Hugh Jardon (StoryMan repost - listed as greektome.txt).
The guy arrives unexpectedly at his girlfriend's apartment. They get naked
and fuck like rabbits in heat. His cock slips out of her pussy and goes into
her asshole when he reinserts it, and they have a glorious time. What this
story lacks is character development or any real reason for anything that
happens.
Since I had so little to write about this story, I looked up "Greek love" in
my unabridged dictionary. It's right there between "Greek-letter society"
and "Greek Orthodox Church." It means anal sex, apparently because Spartan
soldiers got lonely and needed a place to sheath their metaphorical swords.
There's probably an editorial in this somewhere, but I'm not going to touch
it with a 12-inch cock.
Ratings for "Greek to Me"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Our Special Moment" by Ojo de Ella (Voracious Reader repost). This story
describes a hot lovemaking session during which the woman tells the man to
just relax and enjoy it. And he does. Twice. This is a very hot story. It
reminds me of Dulcinea's work, and that's a real compliment.
I suspect that this story started out as one of those second-person (you)
narratives that people often write for their cyberlovers. This is an
excellent example of the value of changing to the third person before posting
the story. Try reading this story with "you" mentally inserted for "him."
On second thought, don't. It's not nearly as hot or intense that way.
Ratings for "Our Special Moment"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Carmen Sandiego" by Dimitri (dimitri@ihug.co.nz). Guest review by BillyG.
The story is based on the cartoon series, "Where On Earth Is Carmen
Sandiego." It's likely that the erotic appeal of sex stories about TV or
cartoon personalities arises from our affection for them or perhaps our
identification with them. That principle sets the stage for the difficulty I
had with the sci-fi fantasy story, "Carmen Sandiego."
I have nothing against longer story length in itself, particularly if it
serves to develop the plot or to portray a slow seduction or to draw out the
sexual tension. "Carmen" would appear to do none of these. It's long,
almost tedious, without being coherent. There are multiple, poorly connected
vignettes with too many inadequately developed characters, several of whom
have no more apparent function than window dressing.
For those readers who get a kick from secret agents, HAL-like computers,
teleporters, abduction, an evil sultan, and an even more evil brother
fronting a substantive cast of lesser minions, set in ever-changing and
ever-confusing exotic locations ranging from the Far East to Disneyland,
there may resonate a ring of interest and familiarity in this story.
The girl-girl scenes between the evil but capable (the only one) Carmen
Sandiego and our attractive but largely inept heroine from ACME Detective,
are fun. Were they set up with more care, they'd be sexy as well. There's
one token, almost off- hand heterosexual coupling of Carmen and a nondescript
guard who happens to be convenient when she is "secretly" watching a
girl-girl sex scene, which, by the way, is almost equally off-hand.
Carmen doesn't make it as a science-fiction story, as a detective story, or
most of all, as an erotic story. As an SM story, it has moments that might
appeal to those who enjoy capture, subjugation, and submission; but sorry to
say, even those are treated in casual ways that are well short of
tongue-in-cheek humor.
Ratings for "Carmen Sandiego"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 5
"I'm Going to Fuck Your Wife" by Storysman (Storysman@aol.com). Guest review
by Anne747.
This was a challenging review for me to write. There is no question that
this is a fairly well-written story. If it had been a conventional story
with little to no sex, it still would have made me uncomfortable. I just
have a problem with the idea that someone would find this story arousing.
For those who don't like plots ruined you should probably stop here. I'll
call it a short erotic thriller with dark disturbing overtones and let you go
read the story.
The story starts when the man in the story is opening the day's mail. A
plain unmarked envelope contains a single message (the title). He laughs it
off, goes upstairs and proceeds to do so himself. The notes continue,
something he never tells his wife. He begins to have visions of her being
raped in a variety of situations. The tone of the threats becomes more
violent. He still does not go to the police, or tell his wife. Even his own
actions towards his wife becomes more angered, more forceful.
After talking with a woman in his wife's office, he decides he knows who the
man is and confronts him. During this encounter he beats the man up with a
crowbar, finding out as he leaves that the man had raped another woman in the
office, and had an affair with another man's wife. On the way home he
discovers that the man he has beaten is not the right one. While the man is
driving the final few miles to his house, the rapist describes to him on the
car phone his actions in graphic detail while he rapes the man's wife. By
the time the man reaches his house the rapist is gone and the wife is dead.
Okay, I've pretty much ruined the suspense, which is fairly well done. My
real problem with this story as an erotic piece is that I have a feeling
there are some people who will find the rape scenes stimulating, and that
bothers me. In fact even the fact that the husband seems to be aroused at
times by the threats kind of does the same. So, what I read was a fairly
well written suspense that left a definite bad taste in my mouth. Read at
your own risk... just don't tell me if you masturbated to it - I don't want
to know!
Ratings for "I'm Going to Fuck Your Wife"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 3
"Nottamun Town" by Mr Spraycan (mrspraycan@mailanon.com). Guest review by
Kim.
Hey, I must be doing something right: Celeste keeps on sending me stories to
review. So without further ado here we go. {Note from Celeste: I recently
read a disclaimer to a story that said, "Without further adieu...." Kim has
it right!}
This is not the normal type of story to appear in ASS - at least not the sort
I have read many of anyway. This is a tale of sword and sorcery about a guy
who's at a party and has a bit of a fugue, and then wakes up two weeks later,
naked and singing on a London park bench. From there he's dragged off to the
funny farm, where he relates to a shrink that he's been to a place of magic
during the interim. The tale then launches into a flashback mode, and we
follow his trials and tribulations.
His adventures in a strange land begin when he is seduced by a passing witch.
After several close encounters with the witch our hero decides to journey on
to the eponymous town of the title, accompanied by the witch's talking cat.
Now I wish I myself had a talking pussy, but I digress (yeah, obvious I
know). On the way the cat explains the economy of the land: people get paid
for being publicly flogged and humiliated so that the local chief bad guy can
absorb all the psychic energy this gives off. Oh, and all the residents
wander around naked; and the native form of greeting consists of the
reciprocal thrusting of genitals at each other.
After a few more adventures our hero decides to confront the evil ruler and
challenge him and his even nastier lady sidekick to a duel of magic and
fisticuffs. Our hero's magic consists entirely of his ability to sing the
lyrics from a song by Fairport Convention. Enough magic by anyone's
standards, I think you'll agree.
It all ends in tears, of course, with the hero back in the company of the
shrink, who is admonishing him for consuming cheap alcohol and illegal drugs.
The story ends on a rather touching note, as we find our hero a year later
still pining for the love of the witch he first met {and bedded} at the
beginning of his odyssey.
According to the author's web page, a semi-commercial site incidentally, this
whole story was inspired by a bad drugs experience he once suffered.
*** Warning - pointless moralizing by reviewer ***
Remember folks just say NO. If you want a mind altering experience then go
read a book!
*** Pointless Moralizing Mode Off ***
Well, what did I think about it? I have to say, I thought it very well
written and engrossing. I was quite sad when it was over. I wouldn't mind
reading some more of the adventures of the magical Nottamun Town and its
surroundings. I would point out however, that to my mind, it was virtually
devoid of anything erotic, but as an interesting piece of story telling it
was first rate. If you can't stand fantasy, then you're not gonna agree with
my ratings; but then it's my review, so there.
Ratings for "Nottamun Town"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 10 (but see note about lack of
eroticism)
"The Aztec Earrings" by K. Moore (Repost by Nostrumo). Guest review by Purple
Shade.
Two friends explore an island off the coast of Florida after hearing some
legends associated with the site. It's rumored to be the site of the lost
Aztec tribe which fled north to escape Cortes back in the 1500s. The main
character in the story (who is never actually given a name, unfortunately)
finds a pair of very old earrings, which he decides to keep as a souvenir.
Fascinated by his discovery, he decides to try them on and discovers that
they have mystic properties, and while wearing them he is transformed into a
beautiful woman. Keeping his discovery a secret, our hero sets out to
discover the joys of womanhood including loosing his "virginity" to his best
friend Ron.
The author does quite a good job describing how "Amber" explores her new body
and mind-set. The author takes the time to examine the adjustment to the
unexpected events rather than simply having Amber rush into Ron's tent and
jump his bones.
The story is imaginative and keeps the reader's interest, but I found myself
wishing I knew a little more about the two characters. Some background would
have improved the story. Since it was listed under the heading of a TG
story, I'm sure this was bypassed by many readers, since many of us expect
that stories under that heading usually deal with men dressing up as women.
Instead, this falls into a Doctor Jeckle / Miss Hyde sort of situation.
Again, while I feel the story could have benefited from a little more about
the characters, it is nevertheless worth the time reading it.
Ratings for "The Aztec Earrings" {Added by Celeste}
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Simpsons: Episode 2" by GzAxgaiefX (gzaxgaiefx@aol.com). Guest review by
Jake Stonebender. (Reviewer's note: No, I'm _not_ Jake Stonebender... I just
play him on the net.)
People have probably been writing erotic parodies of series television and
movies as long as there has _been_ series television and movies.
The earliest widespread example propagated by the Internet was probably "K/S"
fiction, erotica based on the theory that Kirk and Spock (from ST:TOS) were
homosexual lovers.
Some of this fiction has been exceptionally well plotted and written.
This is not an example.
I suspected, almost as soon as I noted that Bart was going to extend his
"Knew Knowledge" (instead of his "new" knowledge), that this would be another
example of the category of erotica where the poor quality of the writing
overshadows everything else.
I was right.
The premise is amusing (at least to those for whom the presence of a underage
character in erotic fiction is not troublesome), but the implementation,
well... it reads as if Bart had written it his fourth-grade, first-person
self. Poor punctuation, ugly indentation, and lousy grammar conspire to
strip this story of whatever amusement value it may have contained. Anyone
who doubts the importance of these items in erotic fiction is invited to
compare the storylines you find in most pocket "stroke novels" with the
writing of, say, Michael K. Smith, or Friar Dave.
Honestly, though, I can't say I think it would have had much arousal value
even cleaned up. It's certainly possible to accomplish that with fictional
characters -- a recent story concerning Capt. Janeway masturbating on her
ready room desk in full view of the bridge proves this -- but, alas, this
story is as flat as the characters it portrays.
I do hate to have to give a review this bad on my first time out of the gate,
but it's the nature of the job, I guess.
Athena (technical quality): 2 (he gets a point for his spelling)
Venus (characterization and plot): 2
Jake (appeal to reviewer): 1 (like American Bandstand, nothing
is completely bad...)
* "Gilligan Mashukah" by Richard Dunstan richard.dunstan@indiefilm.com).
Last week I reviewed Shelby Bush's parody of "Gilligan's Island." I
considered that to be one of the best sitcom parodies ever posted on
alt.sex.stories. This one is not yet finished; but from what I have seen, it
promises to be very good. I'll do a full review of this story as soon as the
author finishes it. As the author points out in his introduction, "Gilligan"
displayed a surreal, nonsensical quality in that the three single men on the
show never lost complete control of themselves while faced with the
delectable feminine pulchritude of Ginger and Mary Ann. For the show's
audience, however, the predicament of Mary Ann and Ginger fueled many an
adolescent sexual fantasy; and stories like this one will strike a resonant
chord in the mind of many a reader.
Ratings for "Gilligan Mashukah"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Box of Delights" by Orion (an284654@anon.penet.fi). This story is being
reposted through the THC library. The title refers not to the box of
delights that resides between a lady's legs, but rather to a magic box with a
red LED that flashes while the holder of the box uses mental telepathy to
control the people to whom he wishes to direct his thoughts. The story is on
this newsgroup rather than, say, alt.world.salvation or alt.world.conquest
because the current holder of the box is a horny son of a bitch with simple
needs. After his first day with the box, two females would arrive home with
wet pussies, and one of them might wonder why her anus felt as if it had been
stretched. A red-headed shop-assistant would wonder when the cold wind hit
her cunt why her panties were in her locker instead of on her body. A female
bank teller would have to explain the loss of a small amount of cash. Over
the next few days, a surprisingly large number of women would feel an
inexplicable urge to remove their panties and to bend over a little further
while performing life's mundane tasks.
An interesting twist that the author doesn't reveal until late in the story
is that he is required to give the magic box to whoever sends the next good
mind control story to this newsgroup. A major problem, of course, is that
since this is a repost, we don't really know who has the box now or whether
that conditional clause was permanent and is still legally binding for the
current holder. So I don't know for sure whether you really can have the box
by writing a story. At any rate, the author will eventually lose the box,
and you might think he would therefore stop having his telepathic jollies.
Not so! He has employed a trick that countless stage hypnotists have
employed - the "trigger phrase". He has pre-programmed most of the women in
his neighborhood, and when one of them hears the phrase a year or a decade or
so after the box is gone, she will at that time obey every order - just as if
she was under the direct influence of the Box. However, I'm pretty sure the
box doesn't work on reviewers.
Ratings for "Box of Delights
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
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