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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 203 - July 30
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Celestial Reviews 203 - July 30, 1997
Note: After my note about spam, I received some information that describes
how to use killfiles. I don't know how to use these myself, but I am
repeating the information here for those who do:
My correspondent says that the following lines seem to be pretty effective at
getting all the spam without losing any stories.
/^Lines: [1-6][0-9]$/h:j=
/^Lines: [1-9]$/h:j=
These get rid of any posts with less than 70 lines. The cutoff is easy to
adjust. As an added bonus, you see the subject of all the posts being
killed; so if you see something that looks like a story, you can go check it
out. He says these two lines alone are _phenomonally_ effective.
/: .*jpg.*/:j
/: .*FREE.*/:j
/: .*htm.*/:j
/: .*porn.*/:j
/: .*http.*/:j
/: .*XXX.*/:j
The above lines filter out words that spammers like to put in their titles.
/^Subject:[A-Z0-9 \*\-\=\!\@][A-Z0-9 \*\-\=\!\@][A-Z0-9
\:\!\*\-\=\.\,\/\\\&\(\)\$\@]*..[A-Z0-9 \!\*\-\=\@]...[A-Z0-9
\!\*\-\=\?\)\$\@]$/c:j=
/.*,.*,.*,.*,.*/Hnewsgroups:J=
The preceding two lines kill all posts with subjects that are all caps (or
symbols) and at least 9 characters long, and anything posted to more than 4
newsgroups (again, easy to adjust the cutoff). These two are actually nice
to put in a global killfile so they work on all newsgroups you read.
I don't think AOL even permits the use of these killfiles. If I am wrong, I
would appreciate being informed.
Second note: I am also discovering that posting zipped files doesn't do much
good and does a lot of harm. Unless the people who are sending me
information are incorrect, posting zipped files is very much like posting
spam. The main problem seems to be that these files are in binary format,
and binaries are simply not supposed to be posted on Usenet newsgroups. They
are a violation of the terms of agreement. Many ISPs will cancel newsgroups
where too many people post binary files. This itself seems to be a
compelling reason to avoid posting zipped files. The simple fact is that
they backfire and result in readers being able to find fewer rather than more
good stories - even if the poster intends to accomplish the opposite. {Note
that SENDING zipped files - as from one reader to another by e-mail may
actually make sense. I am concerned here solely with the problem of posting
these files on our newsgroups.}
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Soft Ball or My Best Position" by Taria (shower sex)
10, 10, 10
"Topless Dancer" by Mike Hunt (mostly voyeurism)
10, 10, 10
"The Sarabande and the Six Iron" by Mat Twassel (teenage
odyssey) 10, 10, 10
"Lost Love" by John Dark (wife watching) 10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Sheila's Wish" by Pussy Barber (sex club story)
8, 7, 8
"Grocery Day" by Geoff Adams (incest) 8.5, 9.5, 8.5
"Ironic" by Hawk Richards (probably satire)
"Susan's Story" by Bea Fischl (gym sex) 6, 5, 4
"Starry, Starry Night by Powerguy (outdoor sex) 10, 10, 10
"Dreamland" by DaTurnOn (dreamlike sex) 10, 10, 10
"Southern Hospitality" by Rhett Dreams (romance)
10, 10, 10
Reposted Reviews (because the stories have recently been reposted):
* "Dick Van Dyke Show" by Shelby Bush (sitcom parody)
10, 10, 10
* "Whitewash" by Tom Bombadil (blackmail & sex slavery)
9.5, 9, 8
* "Unholy Lust" by Unknown Author (hedonistic orgies)
8, 6, 5
* "Caesar" by Unknown Author (bestiality) 9, 7, 7
* "Tie Fighter" by Walter Slaven (sci fi and hot sex)
10, 10, 10
"Soft Ball or My Best Position" by Taria (Taria29c@aol.com). Guest review by
Cellist. Neither Fiddler nor Piper were available for this review, so
Celeste turned it over to me, Cellist. The story is about a sexy young lady
who plays second-base on a coed softball team. I have played second bass in
the past, but now I play cello.
The story takes place in the romantic environment of a sweaty softball game.
One day a sorta cute guy shows up as a substitute, but he wants to play
second base, which position is already taken by the narrator, as I have said.
His name is Mike Hunter, but with some modification of the name he hopes
some day to become a short story writer of sorts. I guess I should stop
beating around the bush and come out and say it: this is a parody of a Mike
Hunt sex story. As a result of some incredible coincidences Mike and the
young female baseball enthusiast have to shower together; and as fate would
have it, they fuck their mutual brains out.
Fuck! Now there's an interesting word. It's a word redolent of baseball
imagery. That's why Taria chose this scenario for her story. In a story
about softball this word and its immediate derivatives can express any of the
following:
Greetings How the fuck are you?
Immensity Look at the size of that mother on first base. {fucker
understood}
Insignificance That little fucker can't hit for shit.
Dismay Safe? The fuck he was!
Trouble Well, I guess we're fucked now.
Aggression Fuck you! {brings automatic ejection and a fine}.
Safety Don't fuck with the big mother on first base.
Disgust Fucking Celeste! This review is stupid!
Confusion Where the fuck is the ball?
Synonym for "very" This story is fucking good.
Difficulty I don't understand this fucking game.
Despair "Fucked Again by Celeste" by Mike Hunt.
Argumentation You goddam motherfucking son-of-a-bitch cocksucker! {And
I don't like you either!}
Fraud I got fucked by the umpire on the third strike.
Incompetence The umpire fucked up again.
Distraction He was fucking with a fan behind the dugout.
Displeasure What the fuck is going on here?
Disbelief That was an unbefuckinglieveable call!
Disbelief, dismay, confusion, etc. Fuck! What's my wife doing in this
bar?
Inevitable defeat We're fucked! {because the other team is fucking
good!}
Retaliation Up your fucking ass! {automatic ejection and fine}.
Paradoxical impossibility The umpire can go fuck himself! {But how?}
Telling time The game didn't start till 8-fucking-o'clock.
Physics I can't hit the fucking curve ball.
Maternal instinct-- Goddam motherfucker! {automatic ejection and fine}.
Sexuality Holy fuck! Where did you learn to do that?
Taria's best use of the F-word is her double-entendre reference to Mr. Hunter
as a "pretty sneaky fuck." On the downside, her most serious faux pas was
saying that Mike gave her cunt the two-finger Boy Scout salute: the Boy Scout
use three fingers - ask a girl scout (obviously, because their salute is with
three fingers also.) Taria doesn't write quite like Mike Hunt, but who does?
This is both an excellent parody and a superb story in its own right.
Ratings for "Soft Ball"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Topless Dancer" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com). This story leaves us in the
rather odd position of having the best Mike Hunt story of the week written by
somebody other than Mike Hunt. This is still a very good story - just not
quite up to Mike's high level of excellence. I guess maybe Mike is just
having a little trouble keeping it up.
In this week's episode, Mike is experiencing writer's block. He leaves his
wonderful wife June at home and sneaks off to the local topless bar, where he
watches an endless parade of sexy women with exotic names and then develops a
special pay-per-view relationship with a lass with the more mundane name of
Gretchen. He finds this relationship to paradoxically fulfilling yet
unfulfilling - you'll have to read the story to find out why.
Maybe my problem is that I like June too much to see her mistreated, even
slightly.
Ratings for "Topless Dancer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Sarabande and the Six Iron" by Mat Twassel (Mmtwassel@aol.com). In
classical music the sarabande is a slow, stately part of a suite, often
following a courante. A six iron is something that golfers use - between a
five iron and a seven iron, I suppose.
"You can't practice piano forever. Sometimes you have to pee." That
introductory line is much more creative than, "It was a dark and stormy
night." That line also represents a recurrent theme: later on we find out
that you can't drive forever either: sometimes you have to pee.
However, this is not a watersport story. Rather, this story describes a
brief part of the odyssey of the beautiful, young, and talented Tammy
Jondelle and Milton Cumbee, a quiet, black sixteen-year-old who thinks deep
thoughts but says he doesn't like music, as they travel from Tammy's
southside apartment in Who Knows Where to somewhere in Omaha. I guess I
forgot to mention that Tammy is wearing no panties, because she left them on
the roof of Milton's truck along with the cactus box because the roof was so
hot that it burned her feet after she jumped onto it when Milton asked her
for help while she was trying to masturbate after taking a pee because you
have to do that sometimes, which is why you can't practice the piano forever,
which is a recurring theme in this story.
You really should read this story yourself. This author is one of those
people who think that sexuality is more charming and enticing if it remains
quietly in the background. This was a very nice, gently sexy story.
Ratings "The Sarabande and the Six Iron"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Lost Love" by John Dark (john_dark@anon.nymserver.com). It seems that when
I held my Second Third Annual Celestial Short Story Contest, I not only held
a contest, I also helped establish a literary genre - the 500-word story with
an unusual twist. This one is this author's third "entry." All three have
arrived after the contest was over, and all three have been very good.
I have labeled this one "wife watching," because that's what the author wants
you to think it is. You don't find out what the story is really about until
the last five lines. My advice to you is to let yourself be fooled: imagine
it's a wife-watching story, and enjoy the surprise ending. What I like about
these stories is that after the surprise I can look back and say, "Oh, yeah!
That makes sense."
Ratings "Lost Love"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Sheila's Wish," by Pussy Barber (Kristen's collection). Guest Review by
Anne747 (My last review was done under the name of MsV, but I've decided to
come out <grin>.)
I often think that mood affects the enjoyment of a story so much. When I
first looked at this piece, it really didn't catch my attention. If Celeste
hadn't asked me to review it, well, I likely would have just moved on to
something else. I put it aside and decided to come back to it later, and I'm
glad I did.
The story follows a brief period in a Downunder 'nookie club' - the author's
words. I feel incredibly naive, since I have no idea if there is a Canadian
(my home turf) equivalent. I have heard of such places in the Netherlands,
and I'm sure more of them exist than we think. The action is fast, furious,
and in the right mood, quite captivating.
I did have a few problems with it though. The introduction is too fast for
my tastes. I really do prefer a little more set-up. I want to know what
brings at least the main character to the club. (I heard a comment the other
day that often men drag their wives to these places the first time, but the
next time it is the opposite!) I have a feeling the purpose of this brevity
was to try to capture the mood right from the beginning of the story. Some
scenes are very detailed, while others seem to be skipped over (there is
reference to fun in the shower, but no details). I have a feeling that this
would end up being a much longer piece, however, if some of these things were
expanded.
Before I write a novel as a review, two final comments. I know I'll have to
watch my next piece too - but all these guys have huge cocks, and the women
end up covered in cum (sorry, just too unrealistic). Also, maybe it's me,
but I tend to find words like slut and cunt just ever so slightly grating on
my nerves when I read them in stories. The author seems to think these are
simply appropriate words to connote some sort of spontaneous sexiness, but
most readers are likely to attach at least a slightly derogatory tone to
them. In fact, many readers will assume that the author is using the word to
indicate an utter lack of respect for the person to whom the words refer.
This underlying connotation is not necessary. For me, the action would have
been hotter using just slightly different wording.
On reading back, this looks like a negative review; but it's really not.
With some changes and a little more care this could be a great story.
Ratings for "Sheila's Wish"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Grocery Day" by Geoff Adams (gadams@istar.com). Guest Review by Sven the
Elder.
Maybe it was because my sisters were all much younger and I had left home
before they had reached an 'interesting stage'. Whatever! I must hold up a
hand and plead guilty to the odd 'ferret' around my parents' room - very
naughty, but I guess a lot of us did. This is a gentle example of the
"incest" genre. I won't say too much, but I think that this tale avoids
pedophilia, which I don't either personally enjoy or think is a good idea.
But as I was saying to the wife's sister in bed the other day, 'Vice is
nice, but incest is best.'
One or two lines come close to being Celestial cliches - sorry - credulous
assumptions, but otherwise the story is enjoyable. Minor point, Geoff:
crank up the spell checker; I noticed only one or two errors, but for this
guest reviewer they tended to spoil the effect that you otherwise do a nice
job of achieving.
Ratings for "Grocery Day"
Technical quality: 8.5
Plot & character: 9.5
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 8.5
"Ironic" by Hawk Richards (heminway@epix.net). Guest Review by Friar Dave.
"The tragic gray rain swept the crisp frozen landscape."
My first reaction to reading that lead -- especially given the title of the
work -- was to guess that I was in for some chuckles. Obviously, I thought,
Hawk Richards is having some fun with us, doing an a.s.s. version of the
winners of the "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night" contest.
The problem with such things is that if they are not done really well, they
don't just crash and burn -- they augur in. And doing them really well means
they must be pretty damn close to 100 percent recognizable as what they are:
takeoffs.
I'll dispense with any semblance of plot synopsis; all I can say with
certainty, after three readings, is that the protagonist is, er,
introspective and wants to screw a nurse while he's in the hospital.
The tale meanders; the main character is unrevealed and never develops, and
no possible conflict in the story is every resolved, and -- to be quite blunt
-- I didn't care.
Hawk's spelling and punctuation are just good enough to make me wonder if the
little lapses might be purposeful, for flavor. If so, I missed it. And it's
entirely possible that this tale is a spoof on something truly popular of
late in the cinema or print -- something with which I am unfamiliar, so
everyone is going to get this immediately and love it...except me. And the
main reason I think that's terribly possible is that I have managed to avoid
seeing "The English Patient," in which a young Hemingway (note Hawk's email
address) has a Thing for his nurse in the hospital. The carefully Bad
Hemingway writing style of this (There is -- for real -- a competition each
year for the best Bad Hemingway imitation.) along with the title gives me a
heavy-handed clue.
Again -- zillions of netizens may read this and clap their hands and shriek,
"Yes! 'The English Patient'! How droll!" If that is, indeed, what Hawk is
doing here.
But those who have not seen this filmed tale get hung out to dry. And that is
our loss, because if Hawk was spoofing that motion picture, he may well be
doing a superb job -- but in Croatian, which some of us do not speak.
I won't rate this. I will say that it's disturbingly intriguing and --
assuming Hawk was purposefully writing Bad Hemingway in an intentional spoof
-- very promising. Because one of two situations applies here:
Either Hawk Richards is one helluva good writer willing to take chances, or
he was deadly serious about this story, meaning it as a serious, expository
tale.
I'm hoping -- even betting -- that he meant it as a spoof that didn't work
for ME because I'm unfamiliar with the cultural icon that is its base. I'm
hoping -- even betting -- that he wasn't trying to write Literature, but
having fun. And that in this way -- and this way alone -- he was deadly
Earnest.
It's a short bit of reading, complex, compressed and congenial. No really big
words to challenge you, but lots of good, short words put together in
interesting and sometimes thought-provoking ways. Do read it and form your
own opinions and post them in a.s.s.d.
A note: If it seems I am being unduly harsh, consider perspective. In my
humble opinion, Hawk Richards shows every sign of being of being an extremely
talented, thoughtful and -- most important! -- entertaining writer. My
"harshness" is an expression of disappointment, at least as much as
criticism. This person could -- again: IMHO -- be so damned good as to be
frightening. I'd like to see what happens when "Hawk" just kicks back and
tells a story. My suspicion is that someone with this much raw talent and the
guts to take chances -- even hidden behind a handle -- is not long for a.s.s.
or any other no-charge forum; this is someone who could -- and should -- be
paid to write.
But not stories like "Ironic."
More than this Friar sayeth not.
"Susan's Story" by Bea Fischl (BF4play@aol.com). Guest review by Taria.
Bea is at the gym, presumably to keep her 5'7" 120-lb. 34C-24-34 frame in
decent shape. As she commences a satisfyingly sweaty workout, she makes
electric eye contact with Susan at the next-door bench press apparatus. Bea
describes Susan as follows: "From a distance, people always thought Susan
was attractive. She had a shapely body but also a somewhat solid, muscular
build. Close up, her face was pretty but not beautiful in a classic sense.
Her sassy green eyes were most penetrating, as if she could stare down anyone
who might dare her. She was a tomboy in some ways and hardly a slave to
fashion - she loved to wear hole-in-the-knee jeans, gaudy tee shirts and
large, revealing tank top tees."
How could Bea resist the blandishments of such a spectacular vision? And why
should she want to? Needless to say, oodles of fun times ensue, ranging from
a steamy encounter in the gym's locker room to a juicy hot tub scene. Of
course, any story which ends "Bi For Now!" could not stop there, so Bea's
delectable actor boyfriend Bobby arrives mid-story to complicate matters. A
good time is had by all, even Sapphic Susan, who begins to reconsider her
apparently unfounded biases against men with penises.
Bea's introduction of Susan basically encapsulates what's wrong with "Susan's
Story." There are stylistic problems, especially overwriting. Does anyone
really have a "billowy mound of pubic hair"? And "fluffy," no less? I've
had some nifty orgasms, but rarely have I described cumming "in a giddying
gush of hot magma." Cliches abound in the form of "perky" breasts (aren't
they all?), "engorged" and "erect" clitorises (fun in theory, but has anyone
really ever seen a visible 'clit-on'?), and copious floods of female fluids.
But the most jarring problem is the story's inconsistencies. Susan's
tee-shirt "tightly grips" her breasts (a neat trick, by the way); moments
later "her points" are "poking through the thin fabric of her loose tee
shirt." Susan is a confident lesbian who destroys flirty gym guys; but at
Bea's house she's a stammering, blushing, frightened schoolgirl when faced
with Bobby's testosterone-y masculinity. The story's viewpoint shifts
constantly, from Bea's narrator perspective to objective observation to
Susan's inner thoughts. And because the characters are painstakingly
described but never real, it's tough to get deeply involved with any of them.
Bea worked hard writing "Susan's Story." Unfortunately, that is probably its
chief drawback. It did little to get my juices flowing, and as such gets
only a lukewarm recommendation.
Ratings for "Susan's Story"
Spike (technical quality): 6
Woody (plot & character): 5
Denzel (appeal to reviewer): 4
"Starry Starry Night" by Powerguy (powerguy@worldnet.att.net) Guest review by
Paddy Toute.
This is my first guest review for Celeste, to whom I am grateful for allowing
me this opportunity.
I tried hard, I really tried to be a good critic and find something wrong
with this story, but I really struggled and ultimately failed. The problem, I
suppose, is that I thought it was simply a very good story; not particularly
diverse, and simple up to a point, but very well written, with some excellent
descriptive writing and nice scene-painting. The writer asks us at one stage
if we have ever been in the desert at night, far away from a big city. I
certainly haven't, but this writer made me feel just for an instant that I
had been.
Taken down to its bare bones, it's simply a story of two people who get the
hots for each other and make love outdoors under a starry sky in the desert.
However, it really is much more than that. I commend it to all fans of m/f
sex, of what I (in my peculiar British way) would call "meat & two veg. sex".
If you want an explanation of that, I suggest you contact BronwenSM, whose
usage of British slang in her writing is a source of endless pleasure and
amusement to this Limey.
What's that? You think I ought to at least try and criticize instead of just
fawn? Oh, all right then, I thought the ending of the story was a bit corny.
OK? But it didn't detract from what I thought was a great story.
Ratings for "Starry Starry Night"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Paddy (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Dreamland," by DaTurnOn (Almond423@aol.com). Guest review by Stubby.
DaTurnOn is new to ass/assm. (She is a young woman who gives some
autobiographical details in a separate "personal" post about herself that can
be found by doing an author search on DejaNews.) "Dreamland" is a short
poetic reverie that opens "dreamt you were in my room last night" and goes on
via "slowly you slid my clothes from me ... untyin' my ribbons ... leaving
me with nothin'" to a lovely and arousing retelling of an intense romantic
encounter that includes a little consensual bondage and a convincing account
of a woman's enjoying anal intercourse despite initial fears - and then
returning to dreamland. I'll look forward to more from DaTurnOn.
Ratings for "Dreamland"
Form: 10
Literary Value: 10
Turn-on Quotient (purely subjective): 10
"Southern Hospitality" by Rhett Dreams (Rhettxxoo@aol.com). Guest review by
Purple Shade.
>From the time twenty-five year old Bethany Albert is pulled over on a
Mississippi road by County Sheriff Paul Trent, until the stories conclusion
some 45,000 words later, the reader is enthralled in a crime and sex drama
involving, murder, rape, white slavery, auto theft and political
incorrectness.
At first glance, the sheer size of this particular story might make the
average reader pause, but I implore you to take the time and read it.
Involving elements of the two novels "Red Dragon" and "Silence of the
Lambs." by Thomas Harris, this story would make a great paperback in its own
right. This is an example of the finest kind of erotic story -- one which
you would still be interested in reading if you cut out all the sex parts.
What's left is a damn fine story. Definitely destined to be one of the
year's best.
Ratings for "Southern Hospitality" (Added by Celeste)
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* Dick Van Dyke Show" by Shelby Bush (stbush@iglou.com). This author
recently posted segment one of two of "Bewitched," the two segments forming
part three of a three-part crossover story, the first two parts being "The
Munsters" and "The Addams Family", respectively. Since I prefer to review
stories when they're finished (especially when the posting is the penultimate
segment of a three-part crossover story), I decided to set this story/segment
aside and reward the author by reviewing his previously written "Dick Van
Dyke Show," which has recently been reposted on alt.sex.stories.
A correspondent has recently taken me to task for confusing a parody with a
pastiche. The difference is that a parody is meant to satirize the original
work, whereas a pastiche deals more seriously with working out the
implications of changing the basic assumptions of the original (as by letting
Rob and Laura have sex, which could never have happened on the original
show). The distinction becomes nebulous when both the original and new work
are humorous. I think the author considers the Porno TV series to be
examples of pastiche; but since I usually laugh so hard when I read his
stories and since people are more familiar with the term parody, I am going
to continue to refer to these stories as parodies. Imagine that!
The present story employs the episodic structure of the original show. When
critics talk about the evolution of sex on television, they often cite the
fact that Rob and Laura always slept fully clothed in separate beds. In the
first sequence Rob and Laura break that stereotype. The only similarity with
the original show is that after they both come, Laura (Mary Tyler Moore)
sighs, "Oh, Rob!"
The main plot consists of Rob, Buddy, and Sally developing a script for the
Alan Brady Show on which Gina Broccilucci will be the guest star. While
working on the script, they hang out the "Do Not Disturb" sign and take a
horny break. Then, as research for the show, Rob takes Laura to see one of
Ms. Broccilucci's movies, "The Bondage of Brenda"; and Laura naively thinks
that maybe it's going to rain because so many of the men in the theater are
wearing rain coats.
And so it goes. We discover Mel's monster cock. Laura and Millie exchange
intimate pleasantries. Rob consults with Gina Broccilucci about the script.
We even have a surprise ending that suggests why the Broccilucci script was
never aired.
The plot is actually not all that sexy, but I thoroughly enjoyed imagining
the TV characters performing the acts described in this little pastiche.
Ratings for "Dick Van Dyke Show"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Whitewash" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). Jane and her husband have
fallen on hard times financially. She has padded expense accounts to make
ends meet. But now the boss has found out, and it's time to pay the piper.
In his prologue this author states that he was trying to imitate Deirdre's
style with this story. Now, if you're ever a character in a Deirdre-style
story and somebody asks you to promise to do without question everything he
says, remember to "just say no," unless the idea of sex slavery sounds
attractive to you. In the context of the present Writing Contest, an
_acerbic_ "No way, Jose!" might be in order. In preparation for the Fourth
Writing contest, Jane is more amenable to persuasion. So anyway, our fallen
heroine, overcome by blackmail, submits to the evil intentions of Dick Small.
That's right, Dick Small.
Jane concludes that if she has no choice in the matter she might as well
enjoy the coercive sex with her boss and with Cindy Darling, whom the boss
imposes on her. And so she does begin to enjoy it. An unexpected benefit of
the sexual slavery with the boss is an amazing amelioration of her sex life
with her husband. Jane also develops a close relationship with Cindy. The
story has a bit of a surprise ending; so I don't want to tell you any more
about the plot.
This was a good story, but in comparison to some of the other contest
entries, the plot developed too slowly. In fact, the plot is not nearly as
well developed and to the point as was this author's "Chosen," which I
reviewed last week.
Ratings for "Whitewash"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Unholy Lust" by Unknown Author. This is another one of the rather lengthy
postings by TheEditor. Julie is an artist who wants her art displayed in a
prominent gallery. She discovers that the only way to accomplish her goal is
to have sex with the owner. But then she finds some younger guys with bigger
cocks and has great sex with them too. Then she comes home and catches her
husband involved in an orgy. At first she's upset, but after the husband
and almost everyone present gang rape her, Julie feels no anger in her heart,
because she realizes that she has been so involved in her own artistic career
that she has sadly neglected her husband. She doesn't blame him at all for
the orgy, and she is happy she has learned a truly meaningful lesson.
{Barf!!}
I'm sorry; but this really is a stupid plot. If you believe that sex is good
only when women are good sexual toys, then you might like this story.
Otherwise, it's silly. The sex occasionally borders on being hot, but it's
not nearly as good as that in the other two stories posted by TheEditor which
I have reviewed here.
Let me add a final comment about these stories. One of my correspondents has
carefully documented that these are stories that have been previously
published in paperback format. Someone (possibly TheEditor) has scanned them
into a computer for distribution to this newsgroup. This is obviously a
violation of the copyright of the original author(s). Many readers will
respond by saying, "So what? Who cares where it comes from, as long as it's
a good story?" The point is that this IS a violation of copyright law, even
if it is not being enforced in this case. It is my understanding that
readers are not violating the law by downloading these stories, but people
who repost these stories or store them in archives where they can be accessed
by others might be subject to prosecution, if the owner of the copyright
would choose to pursue the issue.
My personal dilemma is what to do with the stories. They're actually pretty
good stories, and my readers have a right to know that. My decision has been
to go ahead and review them and simply add the preceding paragraph as a
caution to my readers. In addition, it is worth noting that the stories have
imperfections that have been added by the scanning and dissemination
processes. For example, the stories contain numerous typographical errors of
the type that often occur when smudged text is scanned (e.g., "win" for
"will"). In addition, in some cases (e.g., "Caesar," cited above), TheEditor
or someone else seems to have arbitrarily truncated or otherwise altered the
stories. Under these circumstances it is difficult to determine the quality
of the original story. My decision has been to evaluate the stories as they
actually appear on a.s.s.
My own experience with erotic literature is limited to what I have read and
learned in the past year and a half. If anyone recognizes any of these
stories, I would like to know the original titles and authors. I am
particularly interested in knowing more about "Caesar," since I am convinced
that it is a good story, and I would like to find the whole thing.
Ratings for "Unholy Lust"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
* "Caesar" by Unknown Author. This is one of the rather lengthy postings by
TheEditor. As I'll discuss below, this person apparently has scanned into a
computer a number of full-length books and has posted these on this
newsgroup. This story is built around the sexual mystique of a large german
shepherd who has super-human qualities that have enabled him to live for at
least 2000 years. Needless to say, Caesar shows no inclination to restrict
his sexual interests to other dogs. The basic plot is that the men-folk are
out trying to kill the wild dogs, while Caesar is either raping or making
love to the woman-folk.
In many respects this is an extremely well-written story; but the plot just
stops with the words "The End." It is my theory that the person who posted
this story scanned it from a published paperback and then simply ended it
when he felt the story was getting too long. I cannot imagine that an author
could write specific episodes so well and develop a plot so skillfully and
yet lack the insight to know that the entire story makes no more sense than a
segment of a typical soap opera yanked out of context. There are simply too
many ideas that were started but not brought to fruition and too many
unanswered questions at the end of this story. I appreciate the fact that
TheEditor put "The End" after the final line of this story - otherwise I
would have assumed that I should have gone back to DejaNews and look for the
rest of the story, when in fact this is all there is.
This is a difficult story to rate. I normally don't enjoy bestiality
stories, but this one caught my interest; and that's the mark of a good
story. But after it caught my interest, the story just stopped, which is the
mark of a really bad story. Go figure!
Ratings for "Caesar"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
* "Tie Fighter" by Walter Slaven (walters@ix.netcom.com). This story is an
addition to the Star Wars saga - told from the perspective of a tie fighter
captain - that is, from the perspective of one of the enemies of Luke and Han
and Leia. As I said in an earlier review, this is a well written,
enthralling story, well worth downloading and reading - if you enjoy a heavy
dose of action, adventure, and science fiction with your sex. The sex is
exotic and hot, but it's almost a stretch to call this a sex story. I would
describe it more accurately as real good science fiction that incorporates
sexual activity as a natural part of the story line. At the present time the
author has posted five lengthy chapters; and I cannnot predict how many more
are yet to come.
The author has obviously given careful thought to the plot and has taken
pains to make it a reasonable extension of the original Star Wars trilogy.
As an adult watching Star Wars with my children, I remember being amused to
think that the evil Darth Vader and his cronies would capture Princess Leia
and treat her like a princess while they held her in captivity. The Bad Guys
would blow up an entire planet to make her talk; but they wouldn't think of
deflowering the virgin princess. In the present chapter we hear J'Una
recount (with appropriate disgust) a more realistic version of what happened
to Princess Leia. Before all you perverts rush to your word processors and
start searching for "Leia" so that you can find the "good parts," I should
add that while the violence against Leia is described realistically, it is
not graphic or titillating. On the other hand, the hot, consensual sex among
the protagonists IS often graphic and titillating. I like that focus.
As the story has progressed, the personalities of the major characters have
begun to evolve. We discover that things are not dichotomized into black and
white in the Empire - we see shades of gray and many other colors. The Tie
Fighter pilots and even higher ranking officials like J'Una actually have
consciences and wonder whether they might be making a mistake to slavishly
implement the will of the emperor. In many ways Vel, Kao, and J'Una resemble
American soldiers in Vietnam, who began to question their country's actions
when they witnessed some of the atrocities committed in the name of
"freedom," even while they continued to perform their duties faithfully and
professionally.
As in earlier chapters, the protagonists continue to have raucous sex, and
the threesome action with Vel, J'Una, and Kao in chapter 5 is especially hot.
But we see emotional attachments as well. In addition, midway through
chapter 5 we learn that the Empire is rife with political dissent. Toward
the end of chapter 5 this dissent and these emotions start to combine to lead
to the eventual resolution of the plot. All these elements make the story
more complex and more worthwhile.
I think if I had my choice, I would just wait until this entire story was
finished and then download and read it. It really is a little confusing to
relate, for example, the events in chapter 5 to something that I read three
months ago in chapter 2. (However, the author does conscientiously offer
appropriate cross references to earlier chapters.) Normally, when I read or
watch a story, I do so in one sitting or at least as quickly as possible.
Having to wait adds inconvenience and confusion; but that's just the way
authors work on a.s.s. (Incidentally, this is also the way Charles Dickens
published most of his major novels. No, he didn't post them on a.s.s.; but
he did serialize them in the London newspaper.) I'm getting the story for
free; so who am I to complain? If you haven't downloaded this story yet, I
encourage you to do so.
Ratings for "Tie Fighter"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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