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From: rgt@well.com (Estragon)
Subject: Estragon revised: "Travels With Aunt Paula," II/6  (femdom)


Travels With Aunt  Paula  II/6 


(for adults only
copyright 1996, 1997 Estragon Productions)


"It is a prick, it is a sting,
It is a pretty, pretty thing...."


As Aunt Paula had expected, his belated circumcision had a deep effect on
Cal. Of course it did. But not for the pain alone, though this lasted many
days. Yet its reverberation went deeper and would indeed last a lifetime.
On that day Cal truly became a man, at least in Aunt Paula's unorthodox
sense of the phrase. That trace of girlishness a young boy is still
permitted, that purity he may pretend to while his male organs are
immature, in a single hour deserted him. The humiliation Cal experienced
was irreparable, and even as small a boy as he, too young to have
developed  masculine ways, had to reel beneath its shock. This wasn't the
humiliation of unmasked pretense, nor even of exploded pride. This was
something closer to the bone, a physical truth, a wound still awaiting the
birth of the ego it would lodge in. Yes, Paula had foreseen it all. 

There had been ladies present. Even the doctor was a woman, named Barbara.
No men, no boys, only ladies. And girls. Adolescent girls and young girls
too. A few his very classmates. Children like himself - but also not at
all like himself, not women, not breasted yet, still narrow-hipped, but
more like women than like Cal, penis-less beings, smooth and silent and
concealed where he was all stick-out and dangle. Paula had invited them
right along with their mothers. And their mothers had thought it a
splendid idea, a lesson their daughters would thank them for. 

Cal's circumcision was set for an afternoon in early summer. Cal spent the
morning fretting in his room, filled with vivid fears of the operation to
come. When Aunt Paula at last called him to the living-room, the sight of
so many women and girls stopped him in his tracks. For a while his fear
gave way to despair. But Paula led him around the room, insisting that he
greet every guest formally, even the familiar little girls, his
schoolmates, and thank each for coming. Cal did so with averted eyes and
frail voice. Then Paula gently told him he would have to undress now. And
there in the center of Aunt Paula's living-room, while the women and older
girls smiled benignly and the younger girls giggled and kicked their feet,
Cal shed each element of his boyish uniform. His sneakers and socks, his
jersey and blue-jeans, and finally, hesitantly, his briefs. The younger
girls looked on his trembling nakedness with brazen delight, and Cal knew
that he must stand before them this way, defenseless and apprehensive,
until an older member of their sex told him she was ready to do the
dreadful thing to his penis.

>From the pan into the flames. From behind him, Cal heard Doctor Barbara's
voice. She was asking him to climb onto a chair and mount Aunt Paula's
dining-table, over which a crisp white sheet had been spread. Shaking, Cal
obeyed. He was on all fours, disoriented on the table-top and just turning
to face the doctor, when she asked him to stand up, quickly thought better
of it when he'd half achieved it and told him he'd be fine as he was, on
his knees. "Only don't lean back, sweetheart," she said. "Lift yourself
big and tall, with your belly forward. Yes, there you go. Good boy. I'd
like to explain to the girls, you see, what a circumcision is all about." 

Barbara casually reached for Cal's penis, raising it with thumb and
forefinger away from his body. She went on speaking in a way that made it
clear to Cal that she was determined to help the younger girls understand,
no matter how long this kept the patient waiting. But this feminine
pressure on his penis was not unwelcome, having as it did the effect of
dispelling a little of Cal's anxiety.

"Boys are born, you see," Doctor Barbara said, "with a little more skin
down here than they'll ever need." She pulled Cal's prepuce back to reveal
his glans. The sensation was not pleasant, but he tried to keep still as
the doctor lightly tapped her finger on his exposed part. Several times
she stretched and released his foreskin. Girls leaned in to see. They
tugged at their mothers' sleeves. They had urgent questions but seemed to
think they'd better whisper. Some mothers leaned over Cal too. One of them
said, "You know, I've never actually seen a circumcision." 

"I've been to a couple," another offered, "but, you know, they're only
eight days old. There's not a lot of boy there to see."

Cal closed his eyes, ashamed. The doctor went on, still mindful of the
puzzled girls. This day was more about girls than boys. That much was
clear to Cal. "Now I want you all to watch something," the doctor said.
"Does he have erections yet, do you know, Paula?"

"Pint-sized ones, yes," Paula said.

"Good," the doctor said, as she rolled back Cal's foreskin with one hand
and lightly stroked the underside of his bare glans for a moment. This was
a different sensation from that doctorly tapping a few moments ago. Cal
made a small mournful sound and his penis swelled and hardened. Doctor
Barbara released it to quiver in freedom. 

"With that skin out of the way, it's so easy, you see," the doctor said.
She flexed Cal's penis a few times with her finger-tips.
Even the older girls came forward for the experiment, gleeful at the
springing hardness of the little organ and at the breathless outcries, of
indeterminate meaning, the doctor's strokes elicited from the boy. 

"Okay, then," Doctor Barbara said. "Everyone has the idea. So we'd rather
not have that special place hidden from us by that skinny skin skin, would
we, girls?" A chorus of high-pitched voices offered a sing-song "No." 

"In that case I'm simply going to take a scalpel - that's a special sharp
knife we doctors use - and cut this silly skin right off of Cal's penis."

"That can't be fun for Cal," one of the girls said.

"Not right now, maybe," the doctor said. "It will hurt a little for a
while, but Cal will be brave." She smiled down at the patient and pressed
his arm reassuringly. "But almost all boys are circumcised nowadays, you
know. It's better for them, better for  their health, and better for their
attitude as well."

Nobody appeared to have any trouble understanding this last, obscure
remark. Even Cal, lying nervous and exposed as women and girls stood all
around him, awaiting an event which Paula had said it was normal to
celebrate, though one which the doctor herself admitted was going to be
painful for the boy - even Cal vaguely intuited why Doctor Barbara had
mentioned "attitude."  When the doctor exposed Cal's glans to all those
female eyes, Cal truly understood what Aunt Paula had meant by her funny
words, "extra naked." That skin the doctor said Cal didn't need: it was a
little covering on a boy even when he was out of his clothes. Paula was
always explaining that boys and men are always naked, even with their
clothes on. So how could things get so backwards? How could a boy have a
little covering growing right on his naked organ? Of course it had to go.

But that's what made circumcision so humiliating too. It was as though
ladies were taking away your clothes and then saying, That's not enough,
little fellow, we need to tug a little more of you out into the open. Make
you, yes, "extra naked."

Cal felt the utter femininity of the room. Women and girls and, on the
other hand, his solitary self, naked, on display, a single specimen of boy
spread out on a sheet, his penis awaiting in fear the doctor's special
knife. The rest was women and girls: long hair, smooth cheeks, reddened
lips, jewelry. And dresses. Absolutely everyone skirted. His baby-sitter,
a young teenager whom he'd only seen before now in well-worn jeans: in a
kilt today, and under it white tights. His friends, his schoolmates -
everyone in party clothes. Their beautiful dresses would always be a
central part of Cal's memory of this day. Even much later, as an
adolescent, Cal would regard their clothes as a truer revelation of
women's essence than anything concealed beneath. Cal knew that women had
their own kind of organs, tucked inside them. But even after puberty he
would rarely imagine them. For him, women would always be what they seemed
on the outside: smooth, imperturbable bodies, more like serene goddesses
than pliant flesh and blood. What if they did have secret parts? No man
could control them with a glance. Never would they spring and live for
him, or humbly swell beneath his careless power. Nor did they offer to
amuse him with their easy pain: Cal had only to think of his testicles,
daintily suspended in their tenuous sack, to feel
anew the vast distance that separates man from woman.

Doctor Barbara told Cal he could have a little rest now. She told him to
stretch out on the table and relax. The shift from his knees to his back
took some doing, but Doctor Barbara helped by planting her hands on Cal's
abdomen and buttocks and guiding him into place. There were girls all
around him, hovering above.  Cal stared wretchedly up at them
with wide, watering eyes. In his hopelessness Cal saw no reason to cling
to his pride. The girls were watching Cal spread his legs as the doctor
instructed, , watching her swab his penis with cotton soaked in chilly
antiseptics which made him flinch. Two older girls were invited to come up
to the table and hold Cal's legs apart. It pleased them to wear the
sterile masks and gloves the doctor handed them. Cal felt a particular
humiliation in their rubberized touch as they seized hold of his legs and
stretched them wider. Fear and shame were heavy in the pit of Cal's
stomach. 


"I'm going to spray you now with some stuff, Cal," Doctor Barbara said.
"It'll feel cool and make your dicky get numb." Despite the warning, the
icy liquid startled the boy and made him shake. The anesthetic was watery
and Doctor Barbara had used lots of it. It soaked Cal's scrotum and
dripped plentifully onto his belly and thighs. Wherever it fell, a frigid
cold set in. Cal's penis frosted over. The numbness constricted and
stiffened his innocent organ. This thing, his circumcision, was truly
about to happen. Cal's heart pounded and his eyes filled with tears. "Can
I have someone to hold his shoulders down, please," the doctor said. "Cal,
sweetie, let your head lie back now." He had trouble giving in, but even
when he did, his shaking continued. A woman appeared above him, gloved and
masked, and leaned on his shoulders. He smelled her perfume and noticed
through his clouded gaze her long earrings and shadowed eyes. She pressed
him gently at first but bore down more firmly when he failed to stop
shaking. Aunt Paula was staying somewhere in the background. Held down
like this, Cal had no hope of seeing her, but he thought he heard her
voice on the far side of the room. Aunt Paula sounded agitated, choked up.
Cal thought he heard her say, "My baby...," in mournful syllables. Another
woman seemed to be comforting her. "For the best," Cal heard her murmur,
and "Really, Paula, he'll be okay."

Doctor Barbara was gripping Cal's penis between her fingers again. Her
touch was far away, just on the edge of sensation, but it mingled
strangely with the cold. "It's time now, Cal," the doctor said. "Be as
still as you can be. Everybody, assistants, it's time," she announced.
Even guests who had not been peering at the patient before now moved
closer to the table. Cal shook and sobbed and began to heave. 

"I'll need another for his middle," the doctor called. "Someone?" A
teenage girl came forward and quickly donned the sterile gloves and mask.
The doctor planted the girl's two hands squarely on Cal's stomach. He
heaved against them but the motion was no longer communicated to his
pelvis. "Excellent," Doctor Barbara said. She held up a thin metal device.
"This is a clamp," she said. "I'm going to stretch Cal's foreskin over the
tip of his penis now and clamp it." This done, she held her scalpel high
for a moment, then, with a quick turn of her wrist, circumcised the boy.
"It's nothing," she said. She was already dressing the wound. 

The guests let out a communal sigh of relief and turned to the
refreshments. Aunt Paula rushed to the table and lifted Cal into her arms.
"Oh, my darling, my good, brave darling, you have been so strong today."
Aunt Paula's eyes were glistening. "I love you so, my wonderful boy. Oh,
look at your poor, sweet penis. How I wish that boys weren't born like
that. Then we wouldn't have to do this awful thing to them. But we have
to, Cal. We have to. Don't we?"

Cal nodded weakly. "Do you see, everybody? Do you see, ladies? Girls, do
you see? Cal knows that we had to do this thing to him. My sweet baby
understands." 

But Cal was crying now. The cold was leaving his penis and the pain that
replaced it was beginning to radiate. He begged to go to his bed, but Aunt
Paula explained that he had to stay near her and the doctor for an hour at
least. Besides, he was the guest of honor. A cot had been prepared for him
in a corner of the room and Paula carried him to it. He lay propped up,
softly sobbing. Pain was in flower all through his groin. All about him
women and girls were laughing. Sometimes, he thought, he himself must have
been the object of their mirth, he and his ordeal and the manifest horrors
of being a boy, because girls would look his way and whisper into one
another's ear and laugh. For very much longer than an hour Cal watched
this female gala through his tears. 

 end of part two

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